


These Stories We Tell

by TheAdamantDaughter



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Zutara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-12-07 20:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 63
Words: 172,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11631441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAdamantDaughter/pseuds/TheAdamantDaughter
Summary: Told in chapters of "These ______," These Stories We Tell follows Zuko and Katara through the events of The Southern Raiders, and on. They face the trials of war, friendship, leadership, and family, learning how to be there for each other and love each other completely.





	1. These Sins We Commit, Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an ~massive~ role-play thread between myself and honxrable on tumblr. I will do minimal spelling edits (for the parts that are current), but everything else remains untouched, unedited, and in thread form. I will update as I 'cut' the threads.

Awkward. 

That had to be the only way to describe her current predicament. 

_**Awkward.** _

In the past, any encounters with Zuko were fueled by hotheaded remarks and a choking rage. He wanted to burn her alive. She wanted to impale him in ice. Of course, since _‘transforming,’_ such battles were frowned upon. Though their late night sparring took on a rather… intense air from time to time. 

Toph called it sexual. Katara growled and called it awkward. 

Because when the steam faded away, she was left staring down the beach at the almost seventeen year old boy who’d chased her across the entire world… only to welcome her to his home on the sands and help her prepare Aang for his impending destiny. The almost seventeen year old boy who’d be their only chance for a decent ruler— if Zuko could even be described as decent— in the Fire Nation. The almost seventeen year old boy who’d supposedly given up his honor in favor of treason. 

_Hah!_ Katara snorted under her breath, her face catching orange and red flames as she knelt beside Appa’s front legs. _Even Iroh would have a hard time believing that, she was **sure.**  _

Though, upon further speculation and a few furtive glances cast in the direction of hopeful golden eyes, Katara was forced to reconsider. Sure, their previous encounters had been akin to the surrounding volcanos, and sure, sitting here in some desolate patch of woods was awkward as _hell_ , but was it so hard to believe he’d really changed? 

Katara swallowed, tracking the grooves of his left cheek and wandering why the garish shadows cast across the scar made her afraid.

She didn’t know the story behind it, though one could assume. Given how passionately he seemed to hate his father, she probably had a better guess than those who didn’t know him. It wasn’t the past that scared her though… or even the harshness in his left brow that made her heart stutter… The mark symbolized more than she knew. 

In every way, they carried similar pain, similar stories. They were so much alike, yet so distant in their upbringings. Wild and strong and _fiery._  They were the same. And perhaps that, of all that could strike fear in her blood, that’s what scared her. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157342858321)

She mattered to him, was all Zuko knew. He didn’t know how to win her favor again. He’d tried everything, but he supposed he’d just made too many mistakes. He wanted to be her friend- he wanted to at least, have some semblance of her trust. She was shouting once more about her mother, and Zuko remembered very clearly that conversation they had in the Crystal Catacombs in Ba Sing Se. There too, she shouted heinous allegations towards him about the loss of her beloved mom. 

He could understand, though, he would do anything himself to get his mother back. He knew the pain and rage, even if there was a chance his was stll out there. But, Zuko knew he had to do something. So he decided to speak to Sokka- if anyone knew Katara, it was her brother. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/157364957347)

“Do you… want some jerky?” Katara said finally, breaking their thick silence with a thrust of her pack towards him. “I- I know seal isn’t your favorite, but uh— It’s all I thought to bring, unless you want fish, or something.” 

His eyes flicked up to hers, making her cheeks flame, and Katara glanced sideways at the warm fire. _Why did she feel so out of place?!_ He was the one who’d joined the Gaang late— and not exactly on good terms either. Yet, with one pensive stare, he could send her blood racing. 

_Rage._ It was rage. She nodded succinctly at this conclusion. She hated him still. She was angry. No wonder her heart was pounding. She did not at all feel indebted or grateful for his presence or his help on this current mission. He was trying to make her forgive him and she wouldn’t let it happen. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157369168371)

Zuko was shocked at the horrendous story that Sokka spoke about. He’d known that Katara and Sokka had lost their mother to the Fire Nation, but he didn’t know the details– it all sounded so absolutely heinous. It made Zuko’s blood go cold, and the mission turned to something he fiercely cared about. He didn’t care what Aang said, Katara had every right to want to exact revenge. 

Still, even after waiting up all night by her tent, and riding on Appa’s back through the cold all night, he could feel the tension aching in the air. She didn’t trust him, he wondered if she ever would. They were now sitting in the chilled, awkward air by the fire’s glow. 

Zuko glanced back at her nervously as she tossed him some jerky, “Thanks,” Zuko murmured, accepting the food that he hesitantly nibbled on. “I don’t mind, but if you want some fish, I could go fishing for us.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/157489376302)

“We both know I’d be quicker,” Katara retorted across the campfire. “Waterbending, and all.” 

She didn’t elaborate on the _all_ part— he’d seen it the night before. They’d stalked over the black expanse of sea for one particular ship, and in the face of who she thought was her mother’s murderer, she’d bent the blood of the wrong man. 

“But I’m fine with jerky.” 

She shifted into a cross-legged position, hoping her face was as casual as could be. Really, she felt odd wandering off, like he’d assume she was practicing _all_ of her waterbending… he hadn’t even brought it up. This left her to guess that he didn’t care, but oddly, she didn’t want him to think it was a regularly used talent of hers either.

Katara’s eyes worried amongst the flames, then flicked back to his face when he inhaled agitatedly. He seemed to be searching for something to say, something to put off the silence that pervaded their interactions… unless they were shouting. 

But he exhaled then, his arms folded together and his tongue still quiet. Katara was half ready to announce her bed time when he stammered out tight words along the lines of,  _‘Your— your mother… did she look like you?’_

_“Yes…”_ She answered, her throat tensing around a lump of unshed tears. “Or so I’ve been told. It’s hard to remember her face… or what she sounded like and smelled like. It’s almost impossible somedays.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157493655111/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko nodded, her words of implication haunting his soul. What she did in that ship still raced through his head. He wasn’t afraid of her per se, but he was shocked- he’d never seen anything so powerful in his life, and he was stunned that she’d never used it on him. To him, this showed more of her compassion than a cause of fear. Zuko swallowed thickly, taking a bite of the jerky, an awkward  nervousness still drenching the air like a cloud of humidity. 

The cracking fire and the chirping cicadas were all the noise they had to fill the awkward silence that seemed too loud, and Zuko had to break it. But, as she spoke- he felt he may have asked a bit too much. “I’m sorry,” Zuko whispered, “I shouldn’t have asked that,” he apologized quietly, probing the fire with a stick as he gave it some more juice. 

“My mother looked just like my sister,” he murmured, “I look just like _him_ ,” Zuko snarled, but it was quiet. “Except, you know, _this_ ,” he growled with a grimace as he used his free hand to gesture towards his marred face, and he then bitterly tossed the stick to the fire to join the kindled wood. “You should rest… you were up all night.” 


	2. These Sins We Commit, Part 2

The rising sun cast a reddish glow around her, but what pulled Katara from her sleep was the clatter of metal and stone. Darting from her tent into the bright morning air, she found herself face to face with a startled fire bender and an array of cooking pans scattered across the grass. 

Zuko hurried to pick the items up, rambling an apology for waking her and explaining that he only wanted to help. His head nodded at a small plate of duck eggs, the sight sending Katara’s hand to her belly with the realization that she was starving. 

“It’s fine,” she muttered, cutting off anymore apologizing from him as she took a seat. Her lips twisted into a rue smile with the first bite of food. “Even if you’re terrible at cleaning, _cooking_ for me is more than anyone else does.” 

He gave her a wary glance, like he wasn’t sure if she was being sincere or mocking. Katara couldn’t really decide for herself either— part of her still hated him, but there was another, smaller piece of her heart that couldn’t stop noticing how he tried to help her. 

With the chores. Aang’s training. _Her grief._

“Where are we flying to today?” she asked, her thoughts circling round to their search for Yon Rha.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157577461076)

Zuko licked his lips in nervousness. He didn’t understand why she was so ambivalent with him. She wasn’t just ambivalent, but ambiguous as well. Her teasing teetered on a fine line between hate and love. That’s what teasing was- wasn’t it? It was either done out of contempt or compassion. His uncle teased him, and it was riddled with love, even if he didn’t appreciate it before. Azula teased him, but it was derisive. Sokka, Aang, Toph, and Suki now teased him too, and he was just starting to feel comfortable enough to tease them back. That was something he never felt before with anyone other than his uncle. With Mai, it was more fine lines and skating on thin ice. 

Zuko decided it didn’t matter, and stopped reflecting on the relationships he formed in the last year. They had work to do. Zuko looked back up at the girl’s laser-focused blue eyes. Her eyes shone with a fierce determination that was redolent of his own burning persistence at age thirteen. He admired her, more than he cared to admit to himself. She knew how to lead, she had courage, she was strong, and loving- and irrefutably beautiful. Zuko’s cheeks burned at the epiphany of the consciousness of his thoughts, and he diverted his own head. “That guard mentioned a small village that I know of. It’s a coastal town not too far from here. If we head southwest, we should be there by midday,” Zuko explained, motioning on the map where to go. 

He looked back up at her then. “You deserve to face this man. I know how you feel about Aang, but… I don’t think he understands. I think– no matter what you choose to do when you confront him, this closure is something everyone needs. I needed closure when I confronted my father before coming here. I don’t think you’ll have peace until you do, and no matter what you choose… I know this doesn’t mean much to you, but I– I’ll be here, Katara,” Zuko spoke, then swallowing thickly as he ran away from her burning gaze. He rolled the map and stood. 

“Let’s get going,” he stated decidedly. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/157578129947)

“How I feel about Aang?” Katara glared at him from her perch between Appa’s horns, giving him pause as he scrambled up the bison’s back. Her mouth twisted down sharply, a lingering distaste in her mouth. 

She didn’t want to take the frustration out on Zuko, but he seemed to capable of handing her moods— better than anyone else in the group— that she finally let her tongue loose. “Aang has some kind of… infatuation with me. He’s sweet,” her thoughts wandered through the comments he’d spat just days before, ‘ _You’re acting like Jet,’_ and Katara modified her statement. “ **Most** of the time.” 

“Either way,” she snapped the reigns once Zuko was seated beside her. “I don’t feel anything towards him, besides irritation at this point. I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m capable of. He was wrong to compare me to a guy who wanted to commit _genocide._ ” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157579068246)

Zuko was shocked by her harsh reflexive reaction when he spoke of Aang. He thought it was a sure thing, the way Toph and Suki snickered about it, and it was blatant- the way Aang was practically obsessed with her. He’d made a false assumption in presuming she felt the same. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed—” Zuko began, but she intercepted, speaking again, with more vigor as he hopped aboard Appa alongside her.

“What?” Zuko spoke, looking at her with surprise. “Jet?” he mumbled. “I didn’t say anything back there, I didn’t want to interrupt, but I knew him. I knew Jet. We met on a refugee boat to Ba Sing Se, and we were friends for a bit, but then he caught on that I was Fire Nation, and kept trying to expose my uncle and I. We got into a fight, and the Dai Li took him away… I never saw him after that, but I didn’t know–”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/157579890437)

“Jet died. The Dai Li killed him,” Katara hissed, barely heard over the wind that now rushed in their ears. She turned away from him, glaring out over Appa’s left ear to the sea below. It glistened with red and orange as the sun rose higher, reflecting like a kaleidoscope when Katara finally spoke again. 

“He wasn’t a _bad_ person— misguided, I would say, but in Ba Sing Se, he seemed _better._ At least, after I was able to heal his mind. He helped us, it’s just, before that, when we met him,” Katara paused, considering how best to explain Jet’s hatred to the son of the man responsible for it. 

“Jet was orphaned by the Fire Nation when he was younger. In his teens, he thought killing Fire Nation innocents would right the wrongs…” she trailed off, her voice lowering as she talked. “He tried to drown an entire colony. Aang and I managed to stop him, but, when Aang said I’m acting like Jet… that’s what he means. Homicidal. _**Genocidal.**_ ”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157582719846)

Zuko was shocked at the story of Jet. “He’s… dead?” Zuko spoke, in hushed shock. Zuko then grew quiet, just listening to her voice- and the wind- the rapid beating of his heart against his sternum. 

He was surprised that they’d known him too, but even more shocked at the story. Zuko’s eyes widened in horror, appalled at Jet’s ideas. “What?” Zuko choked out, his fingers digging into his pants. He licked his lips, shaking his head nervously, the whipping air now awkward. There were no words for such horror. It was the same plan his father had. Genocide. It was why he left. 

“That… that’s sick,” Zuko spat. “You can’t… you can’t blame the actions of people like my family, the people on top, me even if you want to add me in, on all those innocent people. They didn’t do anything. Most of them are just caught up in all this war, hatred, and death in the same way people like you and Sokka, and Toph and Suki are. They’re victims. Their children are dying too. They didn’t choose this. They don’t want it, they’re poor now,” Zuko explained. “This war is hurting everyone. I was so stupid, I didn’t realize it, but now I see… it’s done nothing but broke me,” he admitted, feeling vulnerable, but safe. For some reason, always, talking to her felt safe. “They call my people ashmakers. I hear it all the time… kids, like kids anywhere else in the world… just want to play and go to school… even if they’re taught lies… they’re kids. They aren’t inherently evil. There’s no such thing. Evil is a _choice_.”

“And, Aang…” Zuko whispered, shaking his head, scoffing. “That’s not even funny,” he spat, feeling the redolence of his father, feeling every comparison to his father he ever faced internally and externally. “He shouldn’t have said that. It’s not right. You aren’t like that… I know he’s the avatar, but he’s a child, still, in every way… and he’s stuck in his ways. I know… I know I should be more sensitive… my family… well, they succeeded in Jet’s wishes… they took away them all, their culture, but… Aang can believe what he likes, he shouldn’t be so intolerant of yours– he should be able to empathize… I don’t know why he can’t understand how you feel, and maybe I just do because of what happened to me too, but… Toph gets it. Suki gets it. Why doesn’t he? Why… _can’t_ he?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/157588203922)

“He has me on a pedestal!” Katara barked, the reigns snapping in the wind, as sharp as her voice. Her eyes burned for some stupid reason— anger was the most likely culprit, but she certainly wouldn’t let them fall in front of _him._  

She tugged the leads to the left, directing Appa towards the sliver of land that’d appeared as they talked. “He has me up on a pedestal, all glowing and perfect, and I can’t exactly tell him I’m not interested in being with him because he’ll lose his focus. You saw what happened at the Air Temple.”

Zuko’s eyes flashed harshly, Aang’s explosion replaying in their thoughts. She’d known Sokka to act defensively towards her, but Zuko, just weeks after joining the group, had screamed at Aang like he had nothing to lose. Her own father had to split the boys up before taking her off on her own to explain whatever the hell was going on. Zuko never knew, though. 

“I told Aang we needed to focus on firebending, not our relationship,” Katara explained, feeling nervous suddenly. “He didn’t like that answer, I guess. Since then… he’s… he hasn’t cared much what I have to say, as long as I’m doing whatever makes him happy.” 

She scowled darkly, a growling laugh surfacing after a moment, “Right now, he’d rather have me meditating on forgiveness back in the camp— I don’t know what I want with Yon Rha. I don’t know if I’ll just see him and leave or speak to him or kill him… Either way, revenge goes against _everything_ the monks taught, and for some reason, I’m supposed to abide by their century old rules.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/157598706556/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko flinched a bit when she turned around, snapping, afraid he may have said the wrong thing. But, she was angry at Aang. Zuko inhaled sharply as she spoke. He didn’t have the faintest idea what it was like to be held on a pedestal. Azula was always the one on a pedestal, but she always seemed to rise above it anyway. No one expected him to be anything. The only expectations for him were so low they were underground. 

But, it didn’t sound much fun to have some paint a picture of you that didn’t look a thing like you actually were. Zuko frowned in sympathy, running his hand through his whipping hair. “We all should look out for Aang, but… you shouldn’t do it at the expense of yourself,” Zuko spoke. “That’s not fair. And, whatever you do today should be for _you_ , not Aang, not me, not your dad, not Sokka, not even entirely for your mom– for you,” Zuko whispered. 


	3. These Sins We Commit, Part 3

“And what about you?” Katara asked, twisting between Appa’s horns to better catch her companion’s eye. The gold glinted fiercely in the rising sun, reminding her faintly of the steel swords he carried, how cold they could be, or how hot… if put to a flame.

She decided to think of him in that way— in direct relation to however he was making her feel at the moment, rather than what he’d done in the past. His swords were washed of blood and sweat after each use. Why couldn’t their relationship be treated the same? Like a clean slate, so to speak.

“What does today get you?” She pressed, curious. “You’re going up against your countrymen, helping me hunt a former captain down— for what? Do you hate them so much or are you that desperate for my forgiveness?”

Her voice took on a harsh note, forcing Katara to bite down on her tongue. A clean slate, she reminded herself, though something in the way he looked at her made her stomach twist. It was like he knew her, her thoughts and needs. 

She glanced away, her face flaming inexplicably. “Sorry. I- I shouldn’t— I’m sure you have mixed feelings about the Fire Nation, same as the rest of us. I know Toph loves Iroh, and Aang knew firebenders before he vanished. Sokka seems to be fine with having you along and me… Well, we all have people we care about from… different places, don’t we?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158175797226)

Zuko’s breath caught in his throat at her question, and he kept his gaze to the starry sky. “Me?” he scoffed bitterly, but the bitterness wasn’t directed at her- at least not intentionally. The words felt like a knife, but he’d never let it show. 

“I’m going up against my own father,” Zuko bluntly retorted. “When someone is wrong, or not wrong, but… wretched, it doesn’t matter who they are- you’re countryman, your father, your… whatever,” Zuko whispered. “Wrong is wrong, and justice is just,” he spoke, swallowing thickly. “I think you deserve this. I think everyone wronged deserves justice. What happened to your family was sick and disgusting,” he spat.

“I’m surprised any of you have mixed feelings. I thought you all just hated all of us. I hear people calling other little kids ‘ash-makers’,” Zuko mumbled. “I don’t blame you though. My people have done horrid, unforgiveable crimes against the world- against humanity,” he spoke. “I just- I realized that, and I want to play my part in fixing it- the direct wounds my people- my family- have caused. I want to stop this. I want to help. I want peace.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158176832082)

“What happened to my family…” Katara glared down at her own hands, her fingers clutching so tightly at Appa’s fur, she was shocked the beast didn’t bellow at her. “How would you even know what happened to my family?”

With tears hanging on her lashes, she looked to him, her blue eyes challenging an answer. Zuko hesitated, perhaps caught between recoiling and staying put. 

To her surprise, he moved closer. His palm— so warm, almost comforting— descended over her clenched fists, coaxing her fingers to relax. And his stare, it found hers with an earnestness, his voice low and urgent: 

_‘ I know_ pain _, Katara. ‘_

She yanked away at the sound of her name on his tongue. “You know _pain?_  You know what it’s like to scream for your father? To follow close behind him into a tent you called home? To witness the blood of your own mother spilled out all across the fur-lined floor?” 

“I thought that was pain!” Katara shouted, almost proud when his eyes widened at her ferocity. “But nothing compared to watching my father drown in guilt and grief, to hearing Sokka cry for his mother in the night, and I— I held us all together!”

The tears finally fell, spilling down her cheeks even as she fought the hot torrent. She never wanted to cry in front of him, but perhaps tears spurned by anger were an exception. Katara yanked Appa’s reigns to lead him into a descent, turning away from the forsaken Prince. 

“You know pain.” She repeated herself, “You know pain and I know pain… today, Yon Rha will know it, too.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158178511621)

His words must have struck a nerve, but he knew the answer to her ambiguously-rhetorical question. She told him in the crystal catacombs of Ba Sing Se. That was how he knew. She told him. She’d opened up to him before he threw it all away. He didn’t need that little factoid thrown in his face again, so he kept quiet, and put a hand over her shaking one, which she quickly yanked away as he muttered a quiet, tentative phrase hesitantly beneath his breath. 

His eyes clouded with tears then, blurred with anger and hurt of his own. He took deep breaths swallowing thickly. She threw away his words like they were empty, maybe because she hated him, but it still stung to his core. She dismissed him like everyone, and his blood ran cold. He too saw his mother whisked away. She knew that. He wanted to bring her comfort, but she wouldn’t allow it. 

“There was no one,” Zuko spoke almost silently, and he wasn’t even sure if he was talking to her or himself. He’d never shared this with anyone before, not even his uncle. “I was mortified. It was me and Azula. My uncle was at war for years. My mother was presumably dead, and my father was relentless. I thought he was bad before, but his torment hadn’t even begun then. I couldn’t blink without being berated by my father. I couldn’t walk by him without being shoved down,” Zuko spoke. 

“That’s the kind of man my father is. That’s the kind of man Yon Rha is, too. They both should hurt.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158202518817)

“Your father should _die_ ,” she muttered, her words almost lost in the quickly whipping wind. Katara knew she’d been heard however, when Zuko nodded slightly. 

Funny, she thought, to see him agree to the death of someone he was supposed to love. But, then again, from what Toph had shared, Iroh was more of that person for Zuko than his birth father ever was. 

Her gaze flicked over the scar on his left eye, then Katara averted her stare to the village appearing on the horizon. “Do you think Yon Rha should die, too?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158207223246/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko swallowed thickly at her comment. He knew his father should die- likely would die. But, it still ran a shiver down his spine to think about. He still loved his father in a sense, and he couldn’t help it. He didn’t think he could admit that to her. It would add to her notion that he was a monster, and perhaps she was right in her preconceived notions.

“My father will die. Soon, he’ll die,” Zuko commented, looking and sounding distant then. He looked out to the tiny, quaint village as it appeared.

“He deserves to, but… I couldn’t kill my father. I told him, and myself, that it wasn’t my destiny. It was Aang's… but it was because I was a coward. I couldn't… if I had to, I would. But… in a way, I’m a hypocrite because I left the dirty work to Aang. But, if it came down to it, I have no doubts,” he explained, trying to stress his loyalty, and honestly meant it, each word.

“You do whatever you feel is right. I’ll be here. Regardless.”


	4. These Sins We Commit, Part 4

Appa landed with a huff on a rocky shore, the grey rocks only slightly darker than the skies above. Thick clouds hung overhead in clumps, blocking out the sun, erasing any shadows. 

It would rain soon. 

Katara turned her face upward, inhaling deeply the mix of salt and humidity. She felt powerful, albeit a little shaky after days of travel. She could do this. She _would_ do this. 

Her fists tightened at her sides and Katara opened her eyes to find Zuko adjusting his sword straps. When their gazes met, he jabbed to the left with his head and she fell in line behind him. 

/////////////////

“That’s him?” 

She noted the disbelief in her own voice, but if Zuko knew her at all, he’d understand it made sense. For years, she’d pictured a hulking monster of a man, only to be faced now with a wilted, ash-haired grinch, griping to himself at the market. 

Katara ducked down behind a stall, her eyes searching Zuko’s face as if he held some clue as to what to do. “That’s really him?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158218848246)

Zuko was shocked at the frail appearance of the little, old man. He was hunched over and sallow- thin and worn. If Zuko hadn’t known the atrocities he’d committed, he’d have pitied him. Now, he was filled with a raging anger. 

Katara turned to him like he held all the answers, and it caught him by surprise. “That– that’s gotta be him. But, Katara, I don’t know him. I don’t know Yon Rha, but all the information we received adds up. This has to be it– that pathetic, little man _has_ to be him.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158319534787)

They stalked him to village outskirts, their steps light as feathers. Zuko led her in a weaving pattern over rocks, around trees, behind bushes, though her eyes never left the man trudging along. 

He tripped, finally, in the snare Zuko had set and with a flash of orange flames, the pair towered over Yon Rha’s sprawled form. 

_‘ We weren’t behind the bush. ’_

Zuko seemed ready to do more, the way he leered over the man in the dirt. Even when the rain began falling, the fire around them hissing in an angry protest, Zuko held his stance, poised and waiting. She could see it in his back, in the way his muscles tensed and quaked— he’d kill this man if Katara so much as asked. 

But her words over the ocean resurfaced…

_‘ I’ve got plenty of strength. ’_

…and she stepped around the Prince, tugging her mask down to unveil an ugly snarl she hardly knew she possessed. 

“Do you know who I am?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158363975806)

The man looked pathetic. He was emaciated and worn, and he just looked sad. Zuko scoffed at the mere sight of him, being tripped up so stupidly when he was once the best in his tier in his regiment. Zuko’s fingernails dug into his palms, knowing the man had committed such atrocities. 

He leapt up at him, making him fall and spill the basket of fruit, and he then just cleared the way– this was Katara’s fight- she should take the reins. He just watched in contempt between his partner and the pathetic visage the sniveling and pathetic mutt groveled in.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158366747592)

If she could, she’d see him burned— the same way her mother likely burned, pleading and screaming for her life and livelihood. But all she had was the blood in his veins and the water falling from the sky. It fueled her, fed a rage she didn’t think she possessed with every _drip-drip_ against her skin. 

“You better remember me like your life depends on it!” Katara spat at him, her words ringing like the thunder above. 

His eyes searched her face, fear the ever present emotion until the lightning cracked, and his brows lifted with with recognition. Yon Rheas’ lips shook with an admission, “Yes, yes— you’re that little Water Tribe girl,” and she lost all sense. 

_That little Water Tribe girl…_

Katara’s fists clenched, water squeezing from her gloves, dripping from her finger tips. A needle of ice could end this man right now, but she wanted him to remember… like she was remembering…

_That little Water Tribe girl…_

With another flash of lightning all she could see was her mother, knees pressed into the fur lined floor and a stronger Yon Rha sneering his threats,  _“Listen to your mother, little girl.”_

Her eyes snapped open, “She lied to you!” and Katara glared at the decrepit excuse of a captain on the wet path. “She was protecting the last water bender.” 

Yon Rha gasped, his gaze darting between her and Zuko like the empty space somehow held the answers. “What?  _ **Who?!”**_  He demanded, though the terror in his eyes showed he already knew. 

She grit her teeth, a sick satisfaction warming her belly with how he flinched. 

_**“Me!”** _

She thought now, as her arms snapped upward and the rain halted in the sky, that Yon Rha was likely wishing he’d asked for proof from the Water Tribe woman. She imagined, as the pattering droplets mushroomed overhead, that Yon Rha had thought more of the little Water Tribe girl… because here she was… angry… hurting…

Like him, she wouldn’t be taking any prisoners. 

_**“It was me!”** _

The umbrella broke, splintering into a thousand icy shards that rained down like lightning strikes: with precision, deadly. The tearing of fabric, the shriek of pain, the dull thud of ice embedding broken flesh to the ground… all she heard was her own haunted whisper:

_“It was me.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158371659746/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko had never seen such anger possess a human being except when he caught the glimpse of rage in his father’s eyes before he struck his young face with a handful of flames. Though, the rage stemmed from something different, yet the same. It stemmed from hatred- both of their rages. Ozai hated him; Katara hated Yon Rha. The difference? Katara’s rage was justified. It was also just. It was against evil; ozai’s rage promoted evil.

Zuko watched- stunned- and admittedly horrified at what was happening before him. There was blood- so much blood, and Zuko championed for her justice, but he still squirmed at the grisly sight. He turned away, his stomach sick as the stench of the wet blood entangled in the muddy puddles of rain permeated the humid air around them. Zuko’s heart was racing rapidly in his chest as he tried to process this all.

But, in a moment’s notice his Amber gaze flickered to her: Katara. She was shaken, he could see. She was staring at her hands. Zuko inhaled sharply, and went to her, pulling her from the scene- and then, his arms granted her the unspoken permission to crumble into his embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, in this version, we decided to have her kill him.


	5. These Sins We Commit, Part 5

She clawed at his chest. Even now, as a vengeful murderer, the last place she wanted to be was tucked away inside his traitorous arms. What would she hear in his heart beat? _Lies? Deceit? Betrayal?_ She pushed harder, all the while telling herself she was weak, she was tired— only that could explain away how tightly her fingers clung to his shirt, how easily her body collapsed with his into the wet earth. 

Seconds of silence passed, the rain soaking them to the bone. With her face buried in his neck, her limbs trembling, Katara found herself muttering a desperate prayer that she’d stay hidden here. Where she should feel numb— cold even, her fingers, her toes, her nose, she was warm. She realized with each of his deep breaths, that he was keeping his skin hot. 

Tears finally broke free, dripping from her chin to his neck. She blinked, trying to fight them, but it was useless. Wracking sobs took hold, shaking her and him and filling the humid air. All she could manage between broken cries was a choked _“I’m sorry.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158413700781)

Zuko was still shaking in his boots at what he just bore witness to. He knew he could not utter those words or retell this tale without her blatant permission. He wouldn’t even want to. He held her as she clung and squirmed, assuming that was what she wanted. Zuko’s chest heaved in worry and it felt tight in fear. He felt himself on the brink of unwarranted tears as she shook and sobbed, and Zuko just held her as she pulled him to the wet ground beside the bleeding corpse. 

Zuko didn’t want to look at the gruesome sight. It made his stomach churn and twist, no matter how badly that man deserved it. “Shhh,” Zuko murmured as he stroked her hair, holding her head close to his chest. “Shhh, shh– let’s find shelter- let’s go back, c’mon– we have to leave. We have to hurry before someone comes, Katara. We have to go– it’ll be okay. You’re okay- it’s okay, let’s go.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158419847772)

_‘ You’re okay. ‘  
_

Somehow his words made it seem so— even after the bloodshed, the rendering of her soul in two, he still said it was okay, she was okay. _Shouldn’t he see her as a monster?_ She felt like one. 

She let him drag her up. She let him comb through her wet hair and cradle her close to his chest. She let herself calm with the sound of his heart. She wouldn’t think of Yon Rha. She wouldn’t think of her brother and Toph and Aang… Katara’s breath caught. Zuko might not think her monstrous, but her friends would. 

Suddenly, she was shrieking, yanking from his grasp and gasping, “I- I don’t— I can’t go back. Zuko, I _can’t_ go back! They’ll hate me. They— They’ll **_hate_** me. _Please.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158437227871)

Zuko stood her up, holding her close still. His arms were strong, and warm, but he knew Katara still didn’t completely trust him, so he gave her space when she yanked herself away, and he stood watching with a pain that was deeply painted within the crevices of his wet visage. 

Zuko took a deep breath, and watched as she began to panic, and shriek about her family and friends not accepting her. “Katara,” he began, his hand extended gently for her as simply an offer. He realized then, as he saw her shivering in the cold and whimpering, lost and alone, that he deeply- deeply cared for this girl. He would do anything for her. Even in the tears and rain, she was beautiful, but it ached his heart to see her radiating such hurt when she normally was a beacon of hope and light for all she loved and all who loved her. Who wouldn’t love her? 

But, he realized watching her panic that she was too used to the light, and perhaps the light she shone had finally gone too bright and blinded her. She needed someone to be a light for her, or else she was going to burn out. No one was there for her– were they? Maybe her brother- but she seemed to do all the taking care of, and so much was expected of her, and it wasn’t fair. She was still just a child herself. She was but what? Fourteen? Fifteen? Zuko inhaled sharply, his hands still extended– knowing what it was like to have unrealistic expectations and pressures thrusted upon you against your will. 

“No one will hate you, Katara,” Zuko whispered. “They love you so- so much,” he assured her. “Listen to me, they love you,” he told her. “Your brother loves you, Katara. Don’t– Don’t take that for granted,” he spoke. “There’s a reason they love you so much– people don’t give away love blindly, except Toph, maybe,” he spoke with a small smirk, seeing if his slight tease would get a bit of a smile from her. “Aang loves you. I can see it in the way he looks at you. He really, really loves you, a lot. And… Toph? She loves you too, like a sister– a good sister, not like mine,” he jested. “People love you- unconditionally. That’s not an easy thing to garner. Trust me,” he spoke- from the heart. “Don’t worry. They’re going to accept it, Katara. This is… this is war, okay?” he murmured. “They’ll probably blame me, in all honesty,” Zuko said with a laugh, “If you want, you can blame me too,” he offered. “They already think this sort of thing is natural to me,” he teased. 

“Please, it’s so cold, and you’re sopping wet. We need to find somewhere to stay– some hot food… I’m sure there’s another town we can get to that has an inn. You didn’t sleep all the night before or before that. Let’s… let’s go– we have to go, Katara. We cannot get caught- they’ll put us in jail, and they’ll send me to my father. There are warrants for me all over the country. I’ll be executed for treason, and I know you’re not too keen on me, but I don’t think you want to be in jail. C’mon– it’s all right.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158440881842)

Her eyes fell to his outstretched hands, every word from his mouth landing on deaf ears. 

He was wrong. Maybe, because of however his family treated him, Zuko wanted to believe better of his new family, but Katara knew better. Aang would prattle on about forgiveness, then burst with anger when he heard the truth. Sokka would give her those long looks with sad eyes and wish every night that vengeance for their mother hadn’t fallen to his sister. Toph— maybe Toph wouldn’t care— but she was only twelve and Katara couldn’t guess how a twelve year old would react to cold blooded murder. 

Zuko seemed to be her only ally in this, but even his self-depreciating humor, he couldn’t convince her she’d emerge unscathed. How ironic, that her most hated enemy would become her sole comfort beneath the pouring rain. 

As much as she wanted to project the ferocity of the Fire Nation on him, Zuko didn’t seem to fit the mold. She didn’t want him blamed for this— he didn’t _ask_ for this.  But her lips trembled and Katara knew if she spoke, fresh tears would follow. And she as done crying for the dead. 

Without a word, Katara reached for his hands, nodding her assent. He squeezed her hands once then turned on his heel, leading them back towards Appa. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158443171641)

Zuko took her hands and walked through the bitterness of the storm, back to where Appa was thankfully still hidden and and stopped. She was trembling, and he was using his breath of fire to heat his body– keep them both warm as she held close to him. So, he knew her shaking was anxiety, not the cold. Zuko sighed as they climbed aboard Appa, and the rain continued to fall, making it difficult to see. 

He drove the way, being careful of the weather, and letting her rest, though he doubted she was getting much. She didn’t say anything, nor did she make a peep. Zuko finally found a little village far enough off, and the rain let up. Zuko then parked Appa on the outskirts of town, and looked at her as she sat up, looking exhausted and broken. He knew the feeling all too well.

“You better go in alone,” he whispered. “They know me in the Fire Nation. I’ll be arrested,” he explained, then handed her some money. “You can get some food, and use this for a place to stay. I’ll be fine here, and I’ll keep watch of Appa. You can come back in the morning– and we’ll head back to the Air Temple.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158444096887)

Katara slid off the bison’s back, looking in the direction Zuko pointed with a resigned nod. Taking his money, she tread wearily into the village center. With the clouds still overhead and the sun fading, she couldn’t help but feel unsettled by the quickly coming dark. 

Most of the stalls had closed for the night, she learned as she ventured further, but near the end of the market, Katara happened across one man as he packed up his goods. 

“How much for…” she did a quick scan of what still remained in the open… “a loaf of bread, two servings of beef, and some onions?”  

“At this hour? Two silvers.” The vendor extended his hand, which Katara quickly filled with the pieces Zuko gave her. “There’s an inn up the way, as well. You look like you could use a place to stay for the night.” 

She nodded her thanks, taking her goods to make her way up the road, when the man called after her, “Did you hear what happened up North?” 

“N- No.” Katara stopped, not turning around. Her wide eyes would no doubt give her lie away. “A— a fire, maybe?” 

“A retired captain was stabbed to death on his walk home.” 

“Oh,” She swallowed, “I’m sorry.” 

The man snorted derisively, “Don’t be. Rumor has it, he deserved what he got.” 

She didn’t look back. She didn’t even look for the inn. 

Katara clutched the food closer to her chest and darted back to the south. She streaked passed the village outskirts, scrambling over sharps rocks, shoving through tough foliage. Finally, her gaze caught dim fire light and she dropped the packaged food near Appa’s feet, collapsing herself with the urge to vomit. 

“Zuko, I don’t—” She looked up, her fingers clawing at the dirt as her stare pleaded with him to make her feel okay, “I can’t be alone.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158445491801)

Zuko had set up a quiet camp in a little field that was covered by trees. He lit a warm fire, and was containing the smoke himself, as not to be caught. That’s why when Katara appeared, making a clamor by the bison’s feet, Zuko’s heart leapt out of his chest, and he gasped, falling back. 

“Katara!” Zuko yelled. “You scared me!” he spoke, but then walked over to her slowly, kneeling by her. “What’s going on? Were you caught or… found out?” he asked in panic. But, then she said she couldn’t be alone, and he frowned, knowing the feeling– the aching loneliness, guilt ebbing away and picking you apart. It was all he felt while he was at home without his uncle. Guilt chided at him and chaffed away at his heart, and he was alone. Mai was no support or comfort and she made him feel lonelier than when he was literally alone. It was how he felt after his mother vanished up until his uncle came home. Nothing hurt quite like it.

He felt like it now. His friends, he hoped he could call them that even, were good and kind to him, but he didn’t know how much they cared. All he had was his uncle, and he may’ve lost him too in his own stupidity. Zuko tried to keep his composure as he ruminated on his own loneliness. He had to focus on her– she was in a puddle before him, a boy she hated, on the brink of tears, and asking for his company. 

“O– Okay, okay,” Zuko whispered, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “Did you at least get something to eat?” he murmured, making the fire brighter as he disposed of the smoke with his firebending. “I can take us back now, if you want. I don’t mind, if we’re going to be out anyway,” Zuko offered. “Or, if you want to stay grounded tonight, I’ll watch camp while you sleep.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158446018932)

“Here.” Katara shoved the bag of food towards him, retracting her hand quickly when his eyes lingered on her shaking fingers. “I can make some soup.” 

She stood quickly, brushing her palms down her front. She hated how weak she felt, how easily she was falling to pieces right before her former enemy.  If he had any malicious plans, she’d be such a simple target. Katara doubted she’d even put up much of a fight for him— yet, somehow, that disturbing thought made it all the easier to trust him. 

Zuko demonstrated nothing but care, his hands in hers to steady her as she stood, his gaze trained on her face, his words soft and low. After a full minute of staring back into his gold eyes, Katara released his wrists and tugged at the bag he’d slung over his arm. 

“Beef and onion,” she murmured, forcing her voice to sound strong as she pulled the bag’s contents free. At least, she had his reassurance that she wouldn’t be alone tonight, and she gave an instruction as her way of indicating she wanted to camp there. “I can start some water boiling, if you chop.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158446634246)

Zuko watched her gently as she offered to make them food, and she took the bag of the ingredients. “I can cook, if you’d like. It’s no problem,” he began, but she insisted on cooking for them, and he didn’t want to argue. He simply quietly thanked her, with a gentle smile and nod. 

Zuko himself was incredibly exhausted. He’d hardly slept either, and his limbs ached. The exiled Fire prince sat down with a weary sigh, his eyes heavy, and he watched her as they sagged. But, her speaking, had him sit up, and come over to take the beef, “Sounds good,” he agreed, taking the beef from her, and the knife– which he was good with. He wondered if she knew how good he was with a blade. He didn’t know how good she was with her fingers at a full moon. 

She could kill him with a single flick of her wrist. Zuko gulped, running his hand over the back of his neck at the thought. She hated his guts– she could have easily killed him, but she didn’t. She chose not to. She chose mercy. That made Zuko more impressed with her kindness than not. His hand dropped, and instead of feeling more uneasy around her- he actually felt safer. She could protect them, and she chose to spare him. 

Zuko kept cutting the beef, before handing it to her. “Do you want to head out tonight? Or tomorrow?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158447090922)

Katara took the chunks of beef and chopped onions from his outstretched hands, replying, “Tomorrow— we can leave at dawn.” She threw the items in the steaming pot that hung over the fire, then sank down in the dirt beside him.

“I just need a night alone… I’m not sure how I’m going to tell them.” Katara leaned back into Appa, hoping to find some peace in his musky fur, but she felt more comfort in the heat radiating off her partner. Almost without meaning to, she shifted closer so their biceps brushed and her bent knees tilted towards him. “What would you say?” 

She searched his eyes in the light of the fire, chasing a hundred thoughts through the golden irises. “I don’t think any of them even thought I was capable of it— Aang, especially, thought I just _let it go._  Forgiveness isn’t something that comes easily to me.” 

Zuko glanced at her, and Katara watched his throat tighten with a hard swallow. She knew where his mind wander then— back to Ba Sing Se and her own threats that he’d have to resurrect her mother to win any semblance of mercy. After the recent days, however, Katara realized that wasn’t the case. 

“You knew that whole time, didn’t you?” she asked solemnly. “You knew I could kill him. If you didn’t, you certainly saw it in me after the bloodbending.” Katara held his gaze when their eyes met. “That’s what it’s called— what you saw on the ship. But even after that, after Yon Rha, you don’t think I’m a monster.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158448286526)

Zuko watched the pot boiling over the fire, and he was surprised as he felt Katara come closer to him. He wasn’t sure why it made his heart race, but he was left there with a blushing visage he hoped she’d chalk up to the steam and fire’s glow. He still used his hand to drift the smoke away, getting caught here would be a nightmare. 

But, in the silence of their heartbeats and the crackling kindle wood, Zuko glanced at her as her voice spoke over. It was quiet, but in the silence of the night, it sounded booming. “A person is capable of anything when they’re angry,” Zuko spoke. “Especially angry over a loved one,” he added, eyes still glued to the fire. “My uncle… he was a general in the war, he almost overtook Ba Sing Se, but once he lost his son… it all changed. His demeanor, his life, his everything,” Zuko explained. 

“That ability… I didn’t know waterbenders had it. Perhaps, it’s only the really talented ones. It scared me to see, but I’m not scared of you. I don’t think you’re a monster. I think you’re a very talented bender with a powerful ability. I think you’re good enough of a person to be trusted with it,” he explained. “The opposite of a monster… that’s more than I could say about myself in both regards.”

But, she spoke of struggling to forgive, and he felt a deep nervousness overtake him, and he wondered why she lingered so close. “No one thought I was capable of anything, really. Maybe my mother, but… I don’t know. Maybe they’re right. I wonder sometimes,” he whispered. “I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t kill my father. I had the chance… I could have ended the war. I could have ended everything… and I didn’t,” he choked out, wondering why he was telling her this yet again. She’d likely think he was treasonous– using them to get to Aang again, deceiving them. He wasn’t, but she had no faith in him- she’d might think so.

“He needs to be killed, and I hate him. He’s evil, but… I love him,” Zuko admitted for the first time aloud since he couldn’t even remember. He stood up then, afraid of what made him confess that to her, and terrified of the certain rejection and anger that followed. This man was responsible for her mother’s death- for what caused her rage that made this girl a murderer, and Zuko just said he loved that man. Why?

Zuko’s heart was racing, and he stepped forward, wanting to vanish. “I’m _sorry_ ,” he choked out, stepping over towards Appa and gripping his reins until his knuckles went white and his breath was thin, though his chest heaved thickly, and his eyes glued to the moon. Still, he wasn’t afraid– not of her bending, not of bloodbending– not from her.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158450665267)

She didn’t want to admit that she’d heard him clearly. It’d be easier to pretend that the crackling fire or his abrupt movement away from her had muffled the words. But, the truth remained— _He’s evil, but… I love him—_ like a thick blanket thrown over her head. 

“Well,” Katara felt the air go stale. She had to say something… something more than  _‘well.’_ Zuko  _was_ her only ally in this. She wasn’t exactly in a position to forsake him because his familial bonds held fast. 

“Well, it’s probably better you didn’t kill him.” She meant that. She hoped Zuko could hear the honesty in her voice. “Killing your father wouldn’t have done you any good as far as earning the favor of a war torn world and your citizens. I- I’m assuming— if we win, you’ll be the Fire Lord.” 

Their eyes met in the small space between where she sat and where he stood, struggling for breath at Appa’s reins. Katara almost felt sympathy for him. Part of her knew what he meant, about loving his father despite the atrocities. A parent, no matter how terrible, was still a parent and a child giving his love wasn’t a sin. However much she wanted to hate Zuko for it, she couldn’t. 

Still, she didn’t trust herself to speak calmly of the Fire Lord, not when she’d kill the man herself if given the chance. Katara only shrugged and leaned back against Appa. 

“You can’t blame yourself for what he’s done, Zuko, just like I can’t let the group blame you for what _I’ve_ done.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158451374206/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko was surprised she allowed his comment to slide. He expected her wrath and rage and a torrent of water from the stream to befall him. But, she let it slip with grace, and told him it was for the best he did not take his father’s life. Zuko looked at her with even more respect, but his visage cried of shock– pure shock. Zuko pursed his lips, and inhaled sharply from his nose. 

“What!?” he turned to her, smirking through his airy surprise at her comment as if she had to be kidding. He shook his head with a scoff only to himself. He couldn’t even believe she’d desire such a thing, trusted him to reign over this new era in the world they hopefully brought on. Zuko shook his head, the smirk still standing. “No… no, no… that’s absurd,” he chuckled out. “I’m going to find my uncle, Katara. He’s the perfect man for the job. He’s prudent, wise, kind, intelligent, honorable, brave, noble, everything we could want for fire lord to bring in a new era of love and peace worldwide,” he persisted. “Not me, I screwed up. I’m a screw up- you saw for yourself. No one can trust me to be fire lord. I’m not good enough- in any way. My uncle, we’ll put him on the throne,” Zuko stated hopefully, a small, genuine smile befalling his lips.

Her talk of not blaming him for his forefathers’ mistakes stunned him. She linked this murder to him just through ethnicity- let alone lineage. “Perhaps not… but… I made enough of my own mistakes to last three lifetimes.”

Zuko looked up to the boiling pot then with a sigh, going to get it, and scooping them each a bowl into the wooden ones they’d brought. “Here,” he spoke, handing it to her. 


	6. These Sins We Commit, Part 6

Katara took the bowl of soup from him with a grateful smile, blowing slowly over the broth to cool it. “Whether it’s your uncle or you— I don’t see the difference. As long as the Fire Nation learns its lesson after Ozai’s execution.” 

When he inhaled sharply, Katara recognized how harsh she must sound and quickly amended, “It won’t be a flat-out assassination. You know Aang is fair… there will be a trial, or something, something to give him a chance and let the world decide what happens.” She sipped from her bowl before adding, _“I_ want him dead. I’ll admit that. I don’t know if that will _actually_ happen.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158458286081)

Zuko couldn’t help but scoff when she spoke of not seeing a difference. “If you knew my uncle, you’d see a huge difference,” he assured her, taking a bite of the soup, which was warm and nice, and surprisingly not bad. 

“Whatever has to be done,” Zuko spoke, shrugging. “He has to die,” Zuko affirmed. “A trial, in my mind, would be too controversial- drag things out,” he added. “He has to die. He’s got to be killed,” Zuko insisted. “I want him dead too, I just– _I_ couldn’t do it,” he admitted, ashamed of himself. “The only way this war will end is if my father is dead.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158515815107)

She ate thoughtfully for an extended moment, pondering Zuko’s faith in his uncle. Out of everyone in the group, Katara remained the sole member to have never met the man— unless she counted their brief greeting beneath Ba Sing Se. She preferred not to remember that moment, however, as it brought a host of other bitter memories filled with sad gold eyes and betrayal. 

While Aang and Sokka had nothing to say about Iroh but the typical  _‘He’s nice enough, for a firebender,’_ or ‘ _He helped us find you, so that’s all I care about,’_ Toph sang the man’s praises. For a while, she only talked of the kind stranger she’d shared tea with just after deserting the Gaang; but upon Iroh’s appearance in Ba Sing Se, she’d vouched for him and trusted him. That had to be worth _something_ , didn’t it? 

“Tell me about him,” Katara demanded finally.  “Why’d he leave the Fire Nation with you? I imagine he could’ve had whatever he wanted — women, a quiet home, _tea.”_ She smiled slightly when Zuko chuckled, glad to have drawn some cheer from him. “Why leave? What did he get from it?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158526902506)

Zuko sat quietly, eating his food in silence, the sounds of cicadas filling the air. Until Katara broke the silence with a burning question. His heart was racing– but now it stopped. Why would she ask that? Why would she ask him this? Zuko felt vulnerable, and afraid- and flight or fight almost sprung into gear. He looked at her with an anxious visage, and let out a deep breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

Her joke cleared the air, and he hoped that she did not notice that he was laughing nervously. “Please don’t judge my uncle,” Zuko requested, an earnest request. “He’s a very- very good man. Please try to look past his family and ethnicity. I promise you, he’s a good man. He’s wanted me to help end the war since he came with me,” Zuko explained. “He’s a good man- in his past, he was mislead, like all of my people. He was wise enough to realize he was wrong on his own. That’s more than I could ever say about myself, about most,” Zuko explained.

His breath was shallow, nervous to talk about this– he had never spoken to anyone so intimately before. Not even Mai- never Mai. Once, he tried– and it was the last. She shut him down, and he never forgot it. 

“He… he was worried about me,” Zuko murmured, looking away, eyes glazed over. “I was only thirteen, and I was banished, and burned, and scorned, and completely alone… my uncle just… was a good man… he was full of love. He was the real father to me, I never had. He was all I had. He was the only person who loved me, and I ruined it. When I betrayed you that day, which… I am so, so, so genuinely sorry for,” Zuko spoke, his voice cracking. “What was worse was I betrayed Uncle,” he choked, speaking informally, his hand on his forehead in shame at how he spoke so easily to her like anyone cared. 

“He was the last person who loved me, or cared about me at all, no one… there’s literally no one else, and he stood by me through everything, I mean everything. I was so- so awful to him. For three years, I was… obnoxious and mean, and unbearable, and he dealt with me with love and patience, and I stabbed him in the back. This– this is where I get why you won’t forgive me. My uncle won’t either… I don’t know how I’ll make it up to him. I don’t know… I don’t know, but… I really need him, Katara. I need him. He… he means the world to me… I– I love him, and… it might now be too late to ever let him know.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158527640932)

“You _do_ realize he’s one of the few people who _would_ forgive you, don’t you?” 

Katara peered at him curiously letting her question permeate the air for a breath or two. The truth in her statement didn’t seem to reach him— Zuko sat in a nervous silence, his eyes darting from left to right to anywhere but her face. _Of course._ He wouldn’t believe her on this because she’d be the last to let go of his wrongdoings, if ever. Still, it tugged somewhere in her heart to see him so torn up apart over his uncle’s disposition for forgiveness, so she tried clarifying: 

“If what you say about him is true— he’s a good man, he loved you.” Katara blinked at him exasperatedly. “Zuko, parents don’t just give up on their kids, not _real_ parents. However your father behaved… you said it yourself, Ozai isn’t your father. Iroh is.” 

Katara set her bowl of soup aside and shifted so she was facing the Prince directly, both of them leaning on the bison. He wouldn’t lift his eyes from the fire, but the way they had glassed over, she knew she was making some kind of impact on him. “Fathers forgive their sons, Zuko. Trust me, they do.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158534644801)

Zuko looked at her in surprise when she offered him that semblance of comfort. But, as soon as their eyes met, he flushed a tender pink, and he averted his honey gaze. Zuko leaned back onto the warm, and fluffy beast he was quietly so fond of. He had a penchant for animals. They didn’t judge you, or criticize you. Nothing was more unconditional than the love of an animal.

Zuko took a deep breath, thinking about how people were quite more fickle. He pinched his eyes in regret. His years of weathered abuse and abandonment left him feeling unworthy of forgiveness, and afraid he may be unworthy of love- he certainly couldn’t grasp that someone could unconditionally love him. He knew well of such a concept- he loved unconditionally, of course. _He still loved his father._ If that didn’t scream unconditional love– what did?

But, any time Zuko had ever messed up in the past, he’d lost everything and the love and affection was promptly taken and replaced with a fist and hatred. He couldn’t see why anyone would treat him any differently now. Katara’s words rang true to him, but they made sense in her context. He was certain if she messed up, her father would forgive her. She was lovely, and kind, and mistakes by her on such a high level likely weren’t a frequency. For him? He felt like changing his name– surely, his father only called him a ‘mistake’ anyway.

Zuko gripped the silky fabric of his pants tightly at his knee, biting his lip. “I– I hope so… my uncle isn’t stupid, though… I don’t know. I feel like I might’ve really overdone it this time. I don’t know if there’s another chance,” Zuko murmured. “I went to him while he was in prison, begging and begging for him to help me. I felt so awful. I knew what I was doing was wrong, even if I was finally home- what I thought, I swore, I always wanted since I was banished. But… I felt terrible once it happened, and I begged him, and he wouldn’t even look at me. He wouldn’t even utter a word… except when he told me I was a descendant of Avatar Roku,” Zuko spoke with a scoff- another first he was confessing to her so unabashedly. He was taken aback by his own openness with this girl. Why was she so easy to talk to? Even when she hated him? She was the only person, to this day, whom he spoke to openly about his Agni Kai and banishment. He’d never told anyone else, ever, or spoke about his suffering behind it. Not even his uncle heard of it. 

He didn’t know what it was about her that was so different, and so special, but he knew that she was real, and she was brave, strong, resilient, honest, passionate, loving, and she was admirable. She was flawed, but what she held in vices, she made up in virtues tenfold. 

“But… thank you, Katara. No one’s ever really… told me that before, thank you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158607625212)

She stared at him in surprise, not quite registering his ‘thank you‘ as his link to Avatar Roku echoed in her mind. At first, she nearly laughed.

“I guess that makes you the boss of Aang,” Katara said, smirking, her blue eyes twinkling at him. “Like his long lost, Fire Nation grandpa.” 

Now, tears of mirth threatened as her shoulders shook from withheld giggles, but her finger came up to her lips at his lost stare. Some kind of sadness lingered along his brow, weighing it down as if his thoughts were heavier than lead— as if he were dreaming of a life where he’d actually upheld Roku’s teachings. 

“Hey—” she reached out tentatively, at first set on taking his hand, but Katara changed course, wanting him to see the authority behind her words. Her fingers brushed his chin, coaxing his face around and his eyes down to her own. “Forgive yourself, okay? You have to forgive yourself.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158611346501)

Zuko smiled, a warm, quiet, but true laugh befalling his lips at her teasing. That was a useful jest he could use on the young airbender later. She had him smiling, and– laughing. That was unusual. Mai never made him laugh. Zuko blushed at the instant comparison, and scratched the back of his neck.

He sighed as reality struck once more, and his heart felt heavy, and that was when he felt her fingers on his face, and he was surprised. It was gentle, and a radiance of concern came from her touch. His eyes couldn’t sever their gaze from hers, and he held his breath before smiling a little, a jest of his own on the tip of his tongue. 

“Well, I think you should follow your own advice, at least- I hope,” he teased, a smirk on his face. 

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158612406187)

Katara knew he was joking. She knew, if she could stop and _breathe_  for a moment, that he was praying she’d apply his solution to her own situation— but, they weren’t the same. 

“No.” She jerked away, standing abruptly with trembling legs and a tight knot in her stomach. “I don’t _deserve_ forgiveness.” 

That was all she’d give him, despite feeling his eyes bore into the back of his, and hearing his feet scramble to get beside her. Warm fingers brushed her left elbow, gentle like hers had been on his face, but comfort didn’t come. Only the resurgence of the first time she’d touched him, the hours spent together and the minutes she’d studied his left eye— and the bitter taste of betrayal that followed. 

Katara bit down on her tongue. 

_‘ You’re not angry with him. You’re angry with yourself. ‘_

She ranted that phrase in her head, staring hard at the fire and willing him to go away.

_‘ Set up your tent. Set up your bed. Go to sleep and let me scream. ‘_

Katara didn’t want to be around him anymore, not tonight. The peace she’d found with him in the rain, the peace she’d come dashing from the village market for, it was _gone._ All she had left was this burning rage, but it wasn’t with him— no matter how much she wanted it to be with him— she was angry with herself. 

She turned her face towards him just enough for him to hear, “Goodnight, Zuko.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158612781461/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko opened his mouth to correct her– that he meant about her forgiving him. Not her forgiving herself, and certainly not for what just happened. The last thing he wanted to do was reopen that wound. Zuko sighed deeply, and let her go off to bed because he learned before not to tangle with her when she was angry or adamant– or worse, a combination. 

Instead Zuko swallowed thickly, and kept controlling the fire as she took out a sleeping bag and growled behind her. “Goodnight, try to sleep well… I’ll keep watch and keep it warm- we’ll leave at dawn,” Zuko spoke. “I’ll wake you up at sunrise,” he explained. “Sleep well.”

/////////////////

Zuko spent the night containing the fire, and staring at it until his eyes felt numb. They were red-rimmed and bleary and Zuko was nearly delusional on lack of sleep. He hadn’t slept in nearly three days now, and it was really taking toll. But, she was a wreck, and he couldn’t let her lose sleep on top of it. He really ached for her- and worried– and he truly cared deeply for this girl, and it scared him. 

Zuko yawned as he stood, and gently tiptoed to Katara, shaking her shoulder gently, “Hey, we better get going, Katara. You can sleep on Appa, but I think we should move out and back to camp now with the others.”


	7. These Sins We Commit, Part 7

The sun had been gone an hour when Appa landed with a tired huff. The vibrations traveled the area of their camp and Toph was the first of the group to stand from the fire. 

_**“They’re back!”** _

She trotted over, blue eyes, brown eyes, then, finally, grey eyes following the short distance to the weary bison. Katara slid down his side, crumbling against the ground, only to find her fingers wrapped tight around Sokka’s forearms a second later. 

“Hey—” He looked her up and down, perhaps searching for injuries, perhaps for any sign that she’d changed. Katara prayed silently that she hid her differences well— “I’m glad you’re here.” And Sokka released her with that, clapping Zuko on the back in a friendly greeting. 

Somewhere deep down, passed the murky grey of her sleep deprived thoughts, she thanked her brother. He knew her so well, he knew when to talk and to let her be; maybe the gauntness to her cheeks or the haunted hallow in her eyes had tipped him off. 

Either way, she thanked him, fully prepared to make him a huge breakfast in the days to come and mend his drawers— and fully unprepared for the burst of _energy_  following: 

“Katara!” The airbender materialized in the dusk, his arms wrapped tight around her until she could hardly  _breathe._ “What happened? Did you find him?” Aang’s eyes darkened at that, and he pulled back, “W-was it what you hoped you’d find?”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158614470751)

Zuko felt like his eyes were melting out of his head by the time they got back to their camp. The Western Air Temple was a sight for sore eyes, and he was glad to see Sokka, Suki, Toph, and Aang waiting for them. Sokka had prepared them a meal, and Zuko was starving. Though, when he did hop off of the sky bison, he wobbled from exhaustion, and decided he needed to rest. 

But, the homecoming greetings were putting that to a delay. Zuko watched the exchange between the siblings with a weary smile, and nodded towards his newfound friend as he clapped his shoulder. 

But, then Aang came over, and Zuko held his breath. Katara didn’t even owe Aang an answer. This wasn’t something they needed to discuss. But, Aang’s questions amidst the worry he saw in Katara and the worry she showed before made Zuko irritated, on top of his little sleep.

“Aang. She’s tired. Leave her alone. We haven’t slept right in days. Okay?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158615118577)

“Yeah,” Katara eyed her tent longingly, wishing for the soft fur blankets and the blue haze that surrounded her when the sun shown through in the mornings, “I need sleep, Aang. It’s been _days.”_

She brushed passed him, passed Suki and her brother, towards the bed that’d be exactly as she left it. A bath was an afterthought, food could wait until the morning— all she wanted was a night of no dreams. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158615455366)

Zuko took a deep breath, and despite his growling stomach, he could hardly stand up straight. He was relieved to see her heading off to bed, and he followed then, going to his own little quarters. Zuko was just happy in the moment to have a roof over his head and a warm place to softly lie his head. 

He was full of worry and the grisly image reappeared more often than he’d cared to admit, but eventually the sheer exhaustion overtook him, and Zuko drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158616280352)

She sat up, gasping, her eyes clawing at the dark for any sliver of light. All she could see was red— the color refusing to fade from the raindrops, from the dirt, from her dreams. 

Katara, still shuddering and shaking, ran a hand across her temple, withdrawing wet fingers that exposed her cold sweat. She _hated_ this. For thirty-six hours, it’d been the same. Every time she closed her eyes, that monster appeared, clad in muddy red with smugness smeared across his face. 

Quickly, so quickly, the smug sneer turned to fear turned to nothing— nothing but broken bones and blood, pierced with icy spears. And all too easily, in her dreams, in the sudden jolt that forced her awake, Katara came to grips with _being_ the monster.

She couldn’t do it. Whatever _it_ was, she couldn’t do it. 

Katara struggled free of her blankets, too hot to stay beneath them, too agitated to stay still. She left her bed and tent behind, intent on bending away the memories, bending until she broke from exhaustion and _had_ to sleep dreamlessly.  She crossed silently through camp, avoiding bags and belongings with ease, adapting to the dark.

Until it wasn’t dark anymore. The tent at the very end, the red one with gold flames emblazoned on the side, it had the faintest glow coming through the gaps. 

_Could he not sleep either?_

She almost passed his tent up, almost kept walking, but something in her stomach said she wanted _company_ — not silence. She pulled the flap back, exposing a lantern burning low and a shirtless Prince lying atop his sheets, his back to her. Katara couldn’t tell if he was asleep. His legs were bent at the knee and curled up towards his chest. His head rested on his hands and his slow, even breaths _suggested_ sleep. 

Even if he wasn’t, he didn’t so much as shift when she stepped inside. He didn’t move when she knelt on his mat or when she lay on her side behind him. And when her arm curved over his waist, because she wanted to be warm and feel safe, he didn’t even seem to breathe. Katara held still until his lungs released, then curled closer so her nose burrowed between two sculpted shoulder blades. 

“I thought I’d feel better,” her lips barely brushed the skin over his spine, “Killing him, I thought I’d feel _better._ I just hate myself.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158631737561)

Zuko was nervous, and he still didn’t know if Katara ever would forgive him, but that wasn’t why he took her. He took her as a matter of understanding. He empathized with needing to face those who wronged you. He knew the rage of losing a mother too soon. He wanted to help. He cared for her more than he expected he would, and he would give her all the space and time she needed- but he wished she could change her opinion on him. 

But, Zuko lied there, worrying and wondering until the sound of the manmade stream and cicadas chirping put him to sleep in sheer exhaustion. But, years of having to stay alert and anxiety made him a light sleeper. He heard someone creep in, and if it weren’t for the shadow, he would’ve panicked. But, he knew the silhouette was that of Katara. 

He held his breath as she crept in, and he was stunned when he felt her arm around him. Why would she touch him like that? Zuko swallowed thickly, but quietly reveled in the warmth and the comfort of the chaste intimacy. 

When she spoke, confided in him, he was even more surprised. More confused as well, but he was surprised. 

Zuko turned around to face her, and he was glad for the dark because a blush tinted his cheeks. He frowned with a sigh. “Katara,” began Zuko. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “But, he was a monster. Not  you. Don’t hate yourself. It’s going to be okay. I know- I know about regret, believe me. But what you did– it wasn’t wrong. That man deserved it, in my mind. Not that my opinion matters much, especially to you on morals,” Zuko said with a laugh. “But… I’m… if it means anything… I’m here for you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158633027797)

Katara swallowed tightly when faced with his golden eyes, his one good brow furrowed downward to the slant of his nose, concern on his lips. In the barely lit atmosphere, she could make out the pink dusting his skin— even without the light, Katara mused she’d be able to _feel_ it, all the blood rushing to the surface and the way his heart pounded against his ribs. 

Her own beat out a furious rhythm, and suddenly the way their eyes held the others felt far too intimate. 

She glanced down, long lashes hiding sea blue from him, only to be confronted by an abdomen so taut and a cut _‘v’_ disappearing into his trousers. Now, she could hardly hear what he was saying, something about her not being monster, but how hot she felt right now made her think that she was. She _had_ to be, for killing Fire Nation and now _wanting_ Fire Nation. 

Why did Suki never say anything about this? She was always gushing over Sokka’s looks and Haru’s looks— did _Zuko_ seriously not cross her mind? But it hit her then: of course, Suki didn’t gossip about _these_ abs because Katara hated him, as if hate somehow cancelled out all attraction. 

Well, she certainly couldn’t say she hated Zuko now, not without it being a lie, and certainly not without blushing furiously. Here she was, lying beside him, gawking at the shadows dancing across his stomach, and barely comprehending his whispers about _morals._

_Tu and La._

Katara’s fingers dug into his waist— muscles hard; skin, _so_ soft— unconsciously, of course, a knee jerk reaction to whatever this warm feeling was in her stomach. Katara didn’t really register what she was doing until his words caught, hung up on a quiet _ ** ‘anything.‘**_

She forced her eyes up to his then, praying she held the appearance of someone who’d been listening— because she desperately wanted to know what was coming, what followed _‘I’m… if it means anything…’_ Finally, he gave it to her, his nervous chuckle a deep rumble beneath the place her hand lay on his waist. 

_** ‘I’m here for you.’ ** _

Any strength she had left crumbled, tears pricked her eyes and she buried her face in his chest.

“You’ll be the only one, Zuko. You’ll be the _ **only**_ one.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158634095656)

Zuko could feel her gaze scrutinizing his face, and then his entire body, and his entire being. He never would forget the acceptance, not pity, she offered to him about his scar, and his past, and the touch of her fingertips he could hardly feel on the damaged nerves. But, he remembered the light, numbed feeling. No one had ever touched his scar with intent or direction before except when he was thirteen and his uncle cleansed the wound. But, by the time it was a scar- she was the only one- the only one he allowed, and the second person ever to make an offer. The only other being, not his girlfriend, but a girl named Song. A girl whose kindness he took advantage of and now felt guilt. 

He felt guilt for most everything now, and he could only wonder the judgements running through her head. His doubts told him she was thinking on how pathetic he was, or examining his fit to see where she could take him had she needed to fight, but past his insecurities, he remembered she was a breadth from his body and he could feel her breath on his skin- and she chose to lie here with him, this close. She must’ve felt some semblance of trust in him. Right?

She looked lost in thought, and he understood the feeling well. She was quiet, but he offered his insight regardless, she could take it if she wanted. It was merely an offer- a suggestion. Finally she spoke, and he sighed, and gambled with ever so gently tilting her face to look at him in the low light, then dropping his hand aside. She had her hands on him, and he didn’t know what kind of message she was trying to send, but it had him jittery, his heart on fire, and warm.

He looked at her. She was a sight to behold. She was breathtaking, even being so young. She had hair that cascaded over her shoulders, and her eyes were bright and so, so blue. Her skin was tanned and taut and she had a smile that caught anyone’s gaze. She was gorgeous, and he always thought so. What he never thought was he’d ever be so close to her, whether that meant physically or emotionally because she wasn’t just beautiful in her vanities. She was a wonderful, kind, and vibrant person, and he wanted to soak in all of it.

“No, that isn’t so. They are going to accept this, Katara. They love you. They will be here for  you. I know they will. Sokka will care, he really cares about you. Suki really cares about you too, and she’ll understand what happened and why you did it. Toph will too, and Aang will accept it too, even if he… isn’t thrilled at first. He loves you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158634859472)

“Aang loves his idea of me,” Katara murmured, somewhat soothed by her proximity to Zuko, but entirely dry eyed. Her stomach ached, her head pounded, blood rushed frantically from her limbs, leaving her fingers cold and numb as she pondered the coming morning. “He loves me when I’m calm and _peaceful—_  but I’m angry, too, and I own that part of me.” 

She could see a level of understanding flicker through his eyes, the sight warming her so, she didn’t have the desire to pull away when his fingers grazed her face. He’d been angry, too. Maybe he still was, Katara didn’t know how to be sure. On certain days, his gaze flashed with the same fire that’d burned Suki’s village down… but on others… his brow was soft and his lips danced with the hint of a smile. 

She decided then that, yes, somedays he was angry still— like her— and he owned it, but on others, he was content and proud and he welcomed that feeling, too. How easily he saw this in her now, how similarly he mirrored her, that had to be why she felt safe in his tent. That had to be why she felt safe in his _presence._

Katara swallowed the emotion welling in her throat— fear mixed with trust mixed with warmth— and asked in a whisper, “Will you let me stay here tonight? Will you help me _tell them_ tomorrow?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158637341641/these-sins-we-commit)

The way Katara described Aang’s love didn’t seem to match the personality of the little monk. Zuko frowned, distressed to hear that, and it made his heart sink because it sounded like the way his father loved his sister- an ideally, cookie-cut prodigy. He didn’t know the real Azula, nor did he care. Zuko let out a deep breath. “That’s not love,” he stated simply. “It’s just not.”

She was hurting, and he didn’t know what to make of the situation. Did she still hate him? Did she forgive him? Was she using him for a mere shoulder to cry on because he was there? Did she actually trust him? Did she want his company based on who he was? Zuko didn’t know what to do, so he was just going to offer his comfort. 

“Of course you can stay,” Zuko spoke quietly. “And, of course- I’ll tell them with you. I promise. Just… try to rest for now- we can deal with it in the morning.”


	8. These Sins We Commit,  Part 8

They’d hardly shifted when she woke the next morning. Zuko had turned to his stomach sometime during the night, but her arm was still thrown over his waist and Katara kept her nose pressed to his musky, smoke-scented skin. 

She blinked a few times, not moving, but simply waiting in that space between sleep and reality, before the truth of the day came and she was forced to sit up. Her fingers clutched at her stomach, a sure feeling that she’d be sick if she stood too fast. 

The only thing capable of settling her, those golden eyes that slowly fluttered open, landed on her with a shy apprehension. 

Katara could place that look with ease— he was waiting for the ball to drop, waiting to see if she hated him this morning or still needed his company. He was waiting to see if he’d been _used._  A new guilt rose up to her throat, bringing a lengthy sigh and downcast eyes.

“Zuko,” she paused after his name. Her fingers fidgeted with his blankets for what seemed like forever, the sky lightening while her thoughts raced. “Zuko, I don’t know what I’m going to face out there, but I _do_ know what I’ll face with you.” 

Katara looked to her left, where he’d rolled back to his side and lifted up, watching her with curiosity. They held the silence for moment, breathing in and out, slow, both afraid to shatter this newfound peace between them. She was sure by now that Toph knew where she was, if not the entire group. She was also sure she didn’t care.

It didn’t matter. Nothing did, but her next ten words. 

“Zuko, I want you to know that I forgive you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158638596226)

Zuko’s eyes were full of sleep and weariness, but focusing on her was as easy as drifting asleep. His heart raced as she spoke to him. He was surprised she wanted to face this with him, the boy she once, or still, loathed.

He nodded in solidarity to her, a tender yet small smile on his lips. “I’ll be here to face whatever you need, I always will, no matter where life winds up bringing the lot of us,” Zuko uttered.

But it was her next words that made his heart stop. For the first time to her, he bared his lopsided, toothy, completely genuine grin st her with a laugh of hearty relief. “Katara,” he spoke in happiness, “you have no idea what that means to me. You’ve become so increasingly important to me, and I–” he spoke, but he was cut off by an unexpected embrace.

He fell into her arms with a newfound peace and he held her close. He relished in the feeling she brought- time stopped and it was just their hearts beating. He never had a connection with anyone else like this before. No one ever forgave him like this, no one ever offered him such affection. No one else made him so happy. No one else understood quite.

“Thank you. I won’t let you down ever again. I promise you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158652932877)

She wished she could stay like that, frozen in time, encased in red and gold. She wished she never had to let him go, that she could keep her arms around his neck and her lips pressed to the sweet spot where his hair brushed his ear. He smelled _alive_ , like in an instant he could set the world afire and she wished with all her might that he would. 

All of her feared what lay out there. 

Her heart beat picked up with every passing second, until she was forced to break their embrace with fingers to her lips. 

“Sorry,” Katara managed, now clutching stomach with a thick swallow. “Sorry… I promise I won’t get sick in here.” 

She pulled away from him slowly, then stood, her hands clasped around his forearms as he moved with her. A final look was shared, then she pushed through the flaps, knowing he’d follow. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158653207696)

Zuko understood her nerves as she stalled going out there. There were many things he stalled in anxiety. There were many things he wished he could. But, he also knew, ripping the bandage off quickly now was what needed to be done- and she’d feel better. She knew it too.

Zuko gave her a smile of encouragement, and stepped outside with her, a friendly hand on her back. Their friends were cooking by a fire, and they all turned their heads to stare at them. Zuko blushed, but didn’t speak until Katara asked him to- if she asked him to. He was just here for support.

“Did you forgive the man, Katara?” asked Aang chipperly. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158653646687)

“ _Jeez,_ Aang!” Her brother snapped first, though a hint of teasing hung in his voice, as if to lesson the blow of being reprimanded. Sokka stood up, sweeping her up in a tight embrace. “I didn’t get much of chance to say it last night, but I’m glad you’re back, and you’re safe.”  

Katara tried to smile. She could feel how weak the gesture was, could sense how little an impact she made when his eyes narrowed with worry. 

“Sokka—” Her lashes were wet. They felt heavy when she blinked; so many rapid blinks. She kept her gaze centered on him, spoke _only_ to him. “Yon Rha is _dead.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158654624501)

Zuko watched in warmth as the siblings spoke. He was happy for them, but a tad of jealousy rang through for he would never understand. Zuko saw the way her shoulders slumped and the way she ticked. She was so upset and nervous, and all he could do was watch because this was her battle. 

But, then– she broke the glass. Yon Rha was dead, and everyone knew what that meant. Katara had killed a man.

“What? You mean he was already dead, right? So that’s why you couldn’t forgive him? Zuko didn’t… do something?” Aang asked quietly, looking at Zuko with fright.

Zuko shot him a disgusted look, and inhaled sharply. “I didn’t do anything!” Zuko snapped at the monk, breaking his composure.

“Okay– Okay, just asking! Katara, I know you did the right thing.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158655469432)

Suki seemed to hear the words first. Katara guessed this because the warrior’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open in shock. Her wooden bowl of mango rice fell aside, and she jumped to her feet to join Sokka in his grip on Katara. 

A slender hand rested on her bicep, “Katara, are you okay?” 

And that’s when the truth rippled through the group: Sokka, then Toph— both stiffening with the knowledge that two days ago, Kya’s killer had been alive, and now… well, who knew? Katara wondered for half a second if anyone found the body. If his family was mourning him. If he was still prone, out in the open. 

She inhaled sharply, shaking the image, Yon Rha’s bloody shape only shattered when Zuko snapped at Aang. 

There it was — I know you did the right thing — Katara couldn’t decide if it disappointed her or made her angry. _Both,_ she decided, yanking around Sokka to glare at the prideful little monk. 

“Why?” she demanded. “What makes you so sure it _had_ to be him?” Katara glanced at Zuko, taking his flared nostrils and stiff shoulders as encouragement to bristle on her own. “What makes so sure it wasn’t me?” 

Aang’s eyes narrowed. They danced between her and the firebender to her left. They hardened to steely flecks of grey. “I _know_ you.” 

That was it. Katara’s fists tightened with all the silent pleas she’d held onto, everything she’d shared with Zuko, everything she wished she’d screamed at _him—_ He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t get me. He loves this idea of me. 

**_“No!”_ **

Her voice stunned the rest.

“No, you _don’t_ know me, Aang!”

She took a quick step forward, rounding on the young boy until they were but a foot apart. **_  
_**

“I killed him. I hunted him down, I taunted him, I drove a ice through his chest. He was alive when we found him and he was dead when we left. ** _I_** killed him.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158656548471)

Zuko watched down the line as the realization hit each of them. Toph, Suki, Sokka– finally Aang. Sokka came to her, as did Suki. They were there for her, and it made Zuko’s heart warm to see she had such great friends that cared about her so much- unconditionally. It made him happy to see that people actually had that. 

But, Zuko’s admiration of their friendship and love quickly came crashing down when Aang spoke. Aang was mad, Zuko could tell by his voice sparking up instantly. Zuko had to take a deep breath to refrain his temper, but he didn’t even need to. Katara was there to defend herself, and he smirked in amusement at the thought. 

But, her words weren’t pretty- they were brutaly honest, and Aang’s jaw went slack in horror. 

“You don’t mean that, Katara,” Aang replied.

“She does, Aang. I was there, I saw it all,” Zuko spoke. “Let her be, okay? This isn’t easy.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158671252482)

“Let her _be?!”  
_

Now, the anger in him was palpable, leaking off his limbs in small tremors and blatant in the clear boom of his voice. Aang’s brows darted down, furrowing with rage as he yanked his grey eyes from the Prince to Katara. 

“You’re a murderer, Katara,” he spat, giving no regards for the tears in her eyes or the sag in her shoulders. 

The only comfort keeping her up was the brush of Zuko’s heated fingers along the small of her back. She wanted to sag into him, to runaway on Appa with him, but Aang clearly wasn’t done. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! You’ve undermined everything I’ve worked for, the peace between nations, the understanding, the forg—” 

His words cut off with a resounding smack, and it took Katara half a second to realize the crunch had been Sokka’s knuckles connecting with the boy’s jaw.

“You have no right to talk to my sister like that! She’d done _nothing_ but support you and help you and hold this group together.” 

Aang snarled at him, his fingers clutching the rising welt on his cheek. “She killed a man!” 

“So what?!” Her brother was shaking, fury showing all over his face. It was only when Suki grabbed his red-knuckled hand that his features softened even slightly. “You might think she’s weak Aang, for not _forgiving_ that man or whatever it is that you wanted her to do, but I think she’s strong, stronger than any of us.”  

“Sokka—” Suki tried to console him, because her eyes had connected with Katara’s, taking in the wet streaks from her lashes to her jaw. He simply shook his head. 

“I’m not done.” Sokka took a deep breath, a touch calmer now. “If any man from my tribe had done that, killed the killer of his wife, he’d be honored for it. The only reason I was _so_ against Katara chasing down Yon Rha, was because I was scared she wouldn’t be able to handle it. And I don’t mean the weight of forgiving him, or the weight of killing him— I mean looking our mother’s murderer in the eye and knowing what Kya’s last sight was. I was afraid Katara’s soul couldn’t take it.” 

“Well, she didn’t.” Aang was still firing away shots, harsh comments at her character, dark looks in her direction. “She _didn’t_ handle it.” 

“Yes, I did.” Finally, Katara, who’d found herself almost trembling and giving in to Aang’s destruction her character, remembered her voice. In all honesty, she had Zuko to thank for it. He’d kept his hand on her, stooped to her level and whispered _**‘You’re allowed to forgive yourself’**_ in her ear. And that’d just solidified it for her— solidified his transformation into someone who wanted justice in the world, who wanted his own countrymen to pay for what they’d done, who wanted her to be happy and feel justified in her stance. 

“You weren’t there when my mother died, Aang. You weren’t there when your own people died. You have no idea what it’s like to look a Fire Nation soldier in the eyes and **_know_** he’s going to kill you or someone you love, and there’s nothing you can do. You can’t comprehend it. From now on, Aang, don’t even pretend to know me.”

She inhaled sharply through her nose, looking over the others in the group, before turning her heel and walking away. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158676017906/these-sins-we-commit)

Zuko’s blood ran cold as Aang venomously shouted at the girl he claimed to love. He spewed such hate over her actions, and he saw in those sky gray eyes a storm that had just been awakened. Zuko was shocked, and he didn’t know such darkness lied within the little boy. That was what Aang was: he was just a little boy. He was the avatar, but he was thirteen-years-old– the age he’d been banished at. Zuko sighed shakily, wondering it age would bestow wisdom on him. Zuko knew he was not pleasant at that age. Aang was surely better than he. 

But, Zuko’s hand remained on Katara’s back in comfort and support, his heart aching for the atrocities that Aang spat. No one liked to be berated like that- especially when their heart was already hurting, doubting, regretting- everything. 

The prince was relieved when the others stepped in to Katara’s defense, and he admired the ability for discussion– until Sokka socked the avatar in the face, and Zuko was sent back into the reality that there was no such thing as perfection, and he felt a tinge of guilt that he thought that the little monk deserved it. 

Zuko saw as Katara boldly stood up for herself, and his admiration grew. She was stronger than anyone he’d ever known, and she wore it all with her head held high. He also resonated with what she said. Every day he’d had to bore into the eyes of the man who took his mother away, who took his cousin away, who almost took him away– and this man was supposed to love all of them. This man was his own father, and he was the face of evil itself, and Zuko came from the fruit of him. 

He let her go, let her have her space and just shook his head, taking a deep breath– it was all so much, and Zuko headed off to go throw stones in the pond. 


	9. These Sins We Commit, Part 9

The nearby stream bubbled peacefully, the trees murmured words into the heated air, the birds sung their morning songs… she was happy for this kind of silence. No more shouting, no more tears, not more accusations spat at her with a venom-laced tongue. 

Part of her could hardly believe it, how all Aang could do was preach forgiveness before she left, but now that she was back— it seemed impossible. Katara didn’t _want_ to, he _was_ her her friend, after all; however, the grudge building in her belly was too much to resist. She was _**hurt.**_

Her brother, she expected some resistance from. Maybe even Toph or Suki— Katara wasn’t exactly sure their stance on vengeance. Even Zuko had a right to be angry. She’d killed one of his former soldier, but he wasn’t. None of them were upset… outside of Aang… _the **most** forgiving of them all_. **  
**

She snorted under her breath, almost laughing. Katara would’ve, if the sound of splashing nearby hadn’t alerted her to another’s presence. 

Standing from where she crouched, Katara paced downstream, finding Zuko where the stream curled into a pond. 

“Hey,” she called, meeting his eyes then looking out over the water. 

The Gaang frequently relaxed here… Zuko always threw pebbles or swam, while Sokka and Suki splashed, Toph lounged and she practiced waterbending with Aang. 

“I have half the mind to make him learn the element by himself,” Katara grumbled, watching Zuko as he skipped a flat rock to the far bank. “But that wouldn’t be very forgiving of me, now would it?” 

She watched his lips twitch, and quickly decided she liked a smile on his face, with the way it lit his golden eyes and made his cheeks rosy. 

“I wanted to say thank you… again.” Katara reached for the hand he had poised with another rock, giving it a quick squeeze. “You didn’t have to help me. You didn’t even have to listen to me, but you did. Thank you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158682393281)

Zuko was lost in thought by the water. That was something he admired in the Water Tribe peoples. They were resilient, strong, peaceful. But, his contemplation was interceded by the call of Katara’s soft, familiar voice. Zuko smiled gently, and stepped over rocks to reach her, a smile still gracing his angular features. 

“Hey,” he replied, “You alright?” he asked, eyeing her in worry. She looked better, but still tired– a lot on her mind. He understood well.

He smirked at her irritation with Aang, and wondered when the two would make up. “It’ll be alright,” he tried to assuage her. “I’m sure Aang will get over it,” Zuko told her, kicking at a rock beneath his foot.

When she thanked him, a warm feeling filled his heart. His smile grew brighter, and he blushed when she took his hand. “It was my pleasure,” Zuko whispered, “Seriously, Katara, I- I’m here for you,” he told her. “I’m here.”

With that, they embraced once more, and he left her to be with her surely-racing thoughts by her own element. Zuko began to walk back to their camp, and that was when he spotted Aang, looking angry, kicking things, and cursing about. Zuko sighed, he couldn’t believe he once carried around so much pent up anger all the time. 

“Aang,” Zuko spoke, startling the young monk as he stopped then, and gradually tilted his head, but wouldn’t fully look at him. “Are you okay?”

“No! I mean, I’m fine. Katara is going to regret this. She knows killing is wrong. She knows that it’s never allowed! Violence is never the answer!” Aang cried, and Zuko furrowed his brow. 

“Then I have a question for you: what’re you going to do when you face my father?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus concludes, These Sins We Commit.


	10. These Hopes We Hold, Part 1

Appa landed with a huff, spraying granules sand in a thousand directions. He was tired… _but who could blame him?_ They were all tired. 

After her  _‘field trip,’_ Toph’s words, not her own, the Gaang spent another two weeks camped on the northeastern tip of the Fire Nation, praying Hakoda and company would find them after their split from the air temple. Each day passed slowly, filled with firebending displays by Zuko and Aang, four way duels between the benders, and sword fighting between two nincompoops who didn’t understand that _sharpened metal sticks cut skin_. 

Katara spent the better parts of the evenings healing her brother and the Prince— not that she minded helping Zuko so much. That is, until Suki caught on to how much Katara enjoyed looking at him. Then, her peaceful dishwashing after meals turned into snickering _‘girl talk,’_ Suki’s words, not her own, and Katara resolved to making Zuko’s scrapes and cuts wait ‘til everyone was asleep. 

At least, that way, Toph was the only one who knew. 

Toph was also the only one who knew when their position had been infringed upon. She woke the Gaang up only hours ago, rousing Sokka and Suki from their tent, Aang from Appa’s back, Katara… well, somehow, she’d fallen asleep in Zuko’s tent while listening to him read poetry and she’d been subject to everyone’s confused glances. 

Not that anyone cared much, besides Aang, that is. Sokka’d given Zuko a side-eyed glare, before Katara punched his arm and told him to pack up. Suki just smirked. Toph was busy monitoring the advancements of the nearby Fire Nation scouts. Since Appa took off, under Zuko’s guidance toward his Ember Island home, Aang had been the only group member to shoot her _looks._  

Katara ignored him. She was _still_ ignoring him. She had far better things to do than worry about his jealous little feelings— like _**sleeping**. _ She gathered her belongings quickly from the bison’s back, sliding down his tail to stand on rather shaky legs.

“This is yours?” She looked about her surroundings in wonder: a private bay, white sands, palm trees, a rocky path that led from the beach to a dark, yet quaint home sitting a distance away from the lapping waves. 

All she could imagine were the hours of bending practice she’d get in, coaxing the currents, mastering the ocean. Katara’s tired eyes lit up, a smile dawning as she turned towards Zuko. “It’s beautiful.”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158866654426)

Ember Island was the most ambivalent place on earth to Zuko. It was a place where some weird happy memories lied. Once, his father taught him how to skip stones, and took him for a walk, and he put his hand on his back in what seemed like a true moment of fatherly love. It was the only happy memory Zuko had with his father, and it made everything confusing. It made the waters murky and his heart ache. 

Zuko remembered times with his mother, and his uncle, building sandcastles with his cousin, Lu Ten. He remembered his mom and uncle taking his hands, and swinging him over the waves, jumping them at the shallow shores. 

_“One… two… –three!”_ Zuko could still hear their joint voices crying that in unison as his little feet splashes over the green waves of the cool seaside. 

But, Zuko also remembered Azula shoving him into the rough ocean during a storm off the jetty. He remembered his father locking him in a room after throwing him down in the sand by his hair, and he remembered his mom trying to clean him off from the sand everywhere, his mouth, his nose, his ears, everywhere. He remembered a strange woman emitting from his father’s bedroom dressed in a scanty swimsuit, and his mother crying. There was so much ambivalence, and Zuko felt a somber, vague sense of nostalgia mixed with a deep ache for all his family was. Which, wasn’t much.

As Zuko stared at the house, listening to the waves, and feeling the too-familiar seaside breeze against his back, whisking through his hair, Katara came up behind him. He’d grown surprisingly close to her in the past weeks. They spent so much time together in the quiet hours in the dead of night, talking until their lungs gave out about everything and anything from what they wanted to be remembered for if the war wasn’t merciful, to the best food in Ba Sing Se. And, he wondered if this place felt redolent to her in a peculiar way. She was accustomed to the ocean, but coated in ice, not sand. Still, it was the same ocean. 

“Sometimes,” was all Zuko could muster back in response to her compliment, sighing. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158871701037)

His golden eyes danced with both light and sadness, a melancholy  _‘sometimes’_ gnawing at her gut. His voice sounded far away, his eyes focused on the far edge of the sea, where the waves lapped at hues of purple and pink; the rising sun. 

She could only guessed what memories the tides held for him. Katara imagined  the days in his head were warm, washed in yellow and blue, but, much like her days near the water’s edge… they were _heavy_. The ocean was her element, a source of her power. So raw and free like this, lapping up wildly on the sandy shore, all she could recall were the many lives the waves had claimed. 

Ships sinking, warriors reclaimed to the deep— Katara could _still_ smell her mother’s pyre as it drifted from her village’s dock. Her eyes filled, but she swallowed the grief down, focusing instead on the distant Prince.

Katara placed a hand on the small of his back, “Come on. We’ve been up all night.” She nudged him around, towards the house where the other four were meandering tiredly. “Why don’t you show us our rooms? You know the place best.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158873273811)

Zuko would never take for granted the gentle hand on his back. The amount of comfort her simple gesture brought him was astounding. Zuko turned his head, snapped from his daze, and he looked at her with a small, feigned smile. He nodded, and then gestured with his hand, walking towards the empty home. 

The others were still playing by the ocean, and Zuko checked behind him as he walked up the creaky stairs. Even the creaks were familiar, and each one ached his heart. Zuko paused as he looked around, the portrait gone as he burnt it. He remembered Azula coming, Ty Lee asking why, and Mai not giving a damn. Zuko took a deep breath.

“I had a family portrait… I burnt it a couple months ago… I wish I hadn’t… It was one of the last things I had of her.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158874458862)

“It’s okay, Zuko,” Katara said, forcing a smile to her lips as Zuko led her inside. The front double doors swung open to a dark, musty space. Bamboo shades were pulled down to cover glass window panes. What light did trickle through, growing ever brighter as the sun rose outside, illuminated an airy sitting area. 

A hearth dominated the wall her to left— though Katara could hardly fathom why firebenders needed fireplaces in one of the most humid places on earth; grandeur, she assumed. Sprawled in front of the stone, a chaise lounge, plush sofas, red, velvet chairs. Katara glanced over all the furnishings, then the walls, which were a light creme color and boasted of artifacts from all over the world. 

The back wall continued ‘til it hit a staircase, which led to a second story landing, full of closed bedroom doors. 

_‘The third story has the best views,’_ She heard Zuko say, but her attention was already grabbed by a reading parlor to her right, and the kitchen beyond that. It was beautiful. The entire home was grand and sweeping, with gold finishes and painted lanterns. They’d finally get to be kids, here. 

Katara dropped her things, excited, and praying her enthusiasm would soon wear off on him. “This place is huge, Zuko. We’ll find something your mother left behind.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158901559786)

The house was so cold and empty to him, devoid of any love, but she loved it. Zuko was amused by the contrast perspective could bring. He felt cold even in the heat, and wanted to get out. He felt like he was drowning in here, and he’d rather sleep underwater in the murky, cold sea. 

Zuko’s hand ran against the mahogany wood as he walked about the old home, and when he got up to his mother’s room on the third floor, his heart nearly stopped, breaking in its wake. It was untouched. When she disappeared, no one went in here, and his last time visiting, he hadn’t had the courage to come in. Now, with Katara, he did. 

“This… this is Mom’s room,” Zuko whispered, and it was the same as his memories, just quieter and dustier. Zuko walked to the bed, his hand running over the blankets as he bit his lip. 

He opened the wardrobe, seeing all her beach dresses that she wore, and her sandals, and jewelry, and Zuko kept his head hidden in there for now he had tears on his face. 

This was too much– too much all att once and all at the wrong time.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158913560212)

She hung back in the doorway, watching him move about the room— his mother’s room— with wide eyes. From the bed to the nightstand to the wardrobe… he stayed there for a moment, taking deep breaths, his back to her. 

Katara didn’t need to see his face to know it was wet with tears. “Hey…” 

She came to him tentatively. It seemed a private moment, but she wasn’t one to let people she cared about suffer alone, not if she could help. Katara’s fingers hesitated just inches from his shoulder, and with a breath to encourage herself, Katara let her hand fall to his back. 

He was warm through his clothes— she thought by now she’d come to expect it— and shaking. Katara tugged him lightly, coaxing him around. 

“Hey,” she repeated softly, her palms cupping his chin and her thumbs wiping away diamond tears. She led him to sit on the edge of what was his mother’s bed, then sat beside him herself with a faint smile. “I told you we’d find something of hers.” 

Katara squeezed his hands, leaving him for a bamboo window shade. She pulled the strings on the window’s right, and suddenly, the room flooded with early morning sunlight. It washed him in gold, filled the air the freshness and the smell of the sea— once her eyes adjusted, Katara focused on the vibrant blue below and sighed. 

“I imagine she loved it here.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158916773326/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko was hoping maybe she’d disappear if he stayed there with his eyes pinched shut long enough. That’s what Mai did. But, instead, he felt a hand on his back, and she cupped his chin, smiling sadly at him. 

Zuko looked at her with sad eyes, but he smiled back in return somberly, but he meant the smile to shine through. Zuko walked with her as she pulled him towards his mother’s bed. Zuko felt the fabric with his hand, letting out a deep sigh as his tears faded against his face, then quelled. 

He watched his new friend go up to the window, and he smiled at her fondly. He thought of his mother, and how she’d have loved Katara. He trusted Katara, she respected this place, his mother, and her memory. 

“She did,” Zuko spoke, his mind distant. 

“Katara?” he began, a bit nervously in the face of pensive rejection.

“How would you like to stay in here? In my mom’s room?”


	11. These Hopes We Hold, Part 2

She looked at him with a bit of surprise. _“Here?”_

Apprehension flickered across her face for split second. Surely it had to be some kind of trick— he loved his mother. The tears on his cheeks spoke to that. It felt almost disrespectful to disturb the stillness of the room, like she’d somehow erase the woman who used to sleep beneath the airy sheets. 

“Are you sure, Zuko?” The way Katara’s voice lifted made it clear she’d accept… if he was _positive._  The room was stunning. All the furniture was in impeccable shape, the windows gave a stunning view of the ocean, and upon further exploration, she noticed double doors hidden behind light curtains. 

She felt a smile come to her lips, imagining the balcony that she could walk out on in the mornings, or maybe even sleep on when the moon was full and calling to her. Zuko hadn’t been lying when he said the top floor had the best views. 

“I’d love it,” Katara whispered, blushing when his eyes lit up. “As long as you’re okay with it, I’d love to stay here.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158970586886)

Zuko shrugged with a warm smile. “Sure,” Zuko agreed, “There’s no use keeping such a pretty room like a museum,” he told her, opening the wardrobe, and taking out a dress she used to wear, it was even in a portrait Zuko had shown Mai. Zuko’s fingers ran over the fabric as he remembered a conversation with Mai about the portrait. 

> _“Who is that? That dress is hideous.”  
> _
> 
> _“That’s my mom, Mai… that was her favorite beach dress.”  
> _
> 
> _“She was a nice lady, but she had terrible taste.”_

Zuko took a deep breath, setting it down as he didn’t want to start to feel tears flow over again. He turned around with a small smile, “As long as you’re careful, I’m sure you don’t have much light clothes, being from the Water Tribe, you can borrow anything you want in here, too,” he offered. For some reason, he trusted her. He really trusted her with his mother’s things. He didn’t doubt they’d be respected. 

“You can make yourself at home, Katara. Everyone can.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158971844347)

She watched him pull a dress from the wardrobe, at first, curious, then stunned. He lay it across the bed, offering it to her, and the rest of his mother’s collection, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

‘Make yourself at home.’ 

Her mouth fell open of its own accord, “Zuko, I— I-” Katara stammered, her cheeks pinking with a rush of happiness. No one had given her such beautiful things… and treasured things, no less. She felt tears pricking her eyes, but Katara quickly blinked them away. 

_“Thank you_. Really… for everything.”

He shrugged, like it meant nothing, and then left her standing at the edge of the bed. When the door clicked shut in his wake, Katara’s gaze fell to the delicate dress on the bed. It was a deep red, very much the same color Zuko always wore, but somehow, this was more intricate. 

Gold and pink threading decorated the halter top, and the pattern repeated itself around the base of the skirt. Only there, she noticed, the thread wove upwards to form beautiful patterns Fire Nation dragons dancing amongst flowers. It made her strangely giddy to admire the fabric; even stranger, were her shaking hands as undressed from her blue tunic. 

Katara pulled Ursa’s dress on gently, finding that it fit her perfectly. A pink sash held the waist tight and it hit midway down her calves. It was airy, it practically breathed— she could feel the soft ocean breeze drifting around her. 

Eager to show it off, Katara selected a pair of leather sandals from the wardrobe, then rushed from her new room. She heard the ruckus of Toph and Aang quarreling over who got which room. Sokka and Suki had clearly already found one and slammed the door shut. She eyed Zuko through the open doorway of a room directly across from hers. 

“Was this yours as a kid?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158972153716)

Zuko next found his way into the old room that he spent many times locked in. When his mother didn’t come, he never left the room out of fear. He hid in here from Azula, everything. Under the bed was a box of drawings and a journal he kept or he’d go mad from having no one to vent to. It was also riddled with poetry his father berated, and he had to hide, so he kept it here, at the shore house. 

Zuko was flipping through the old parchment full of smeared ink, misspellings of a child, drawings, paintings, and music sheets for works he practiced on the tsugi horn when everyone else was playing on the shores, or out to town, seeing theater shows. 

When he heard Katara’s voice, he was startled out of his reverie, blushing as he flusterdly tried to hide the childhood works again. But, when he caught her gaze, he grew even more flustered. She was donned in that dress, and it made his breath catch. 

He always swore his mother was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen, and he felt like a traitor again for now thinking Katara had trumped that title. He could hardly breathe, looking at the way the red juxtaposed her deep skin, and her tussled beach waved curls fell over her shoulders, and the way the dress hugged snugly on her hourglass figure. Zuko smiled, lopsided and bright at her, making the blush worsen at the apple of his unscathed cheek. 

“Katara– I- I didn’t see you there, I mean… I didn’t hear you. Agni… Katara, you– you look stunning, I– it… it really suits you, I mean,” he fumbled on an attempted compliment, then scratching the back of his neck. “And… y-yes… it was mine.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158973708622)

“Oh, thank you,” Katara replied, crossing her arms at her waist almost self-consciously. “It’s nice in here.” 

She smirked, realizing she’d caught him unaware when he rubbed the back of his neck. That was often impossible, consider Zuko constantly appeared on edge when he joined the Gaang. On second thought, Katara chalked that up to her threatening his life and proceeded to snort in laughter. 

“Do you remember,” she brought her fingers up to her mouth, hoping to hide the joyous grin appearing at his expense, “at the Western Air Temple, you wouldn’t sleep without one eye open— which I blame on Sokka and Toph for constantly stealing your fire flakes.” 

Katara came a little further into his room, glancing out his windows and the minimalist decor on the walls. There were a few propaganda posters, a set of antique weapons in the corner, and a trunk of toys at the foot of a four-post canopy bed. The layer of dust made her sigh heavily. 

Turning around, she leaned against the window sill and grumbled, “I guess the break is over, huh? Work’s gotta be done around here, and we’ll need groceries.” Katara rummaged in a pocket of her skirt, checking that a handful of coins were there. “I’ll take Toph and Aang to the market, keep them out of your hair for a bit so you can rest  _peacefully.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158974041571/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko gave her a half-smirk as she spoke about his arrival to the group. “Toph and Sokka did eat all of them,” he played along, but he was still clearly a bit down. Zuko stood up, and stretched, “We can buy some more in the market, actually,” Zuko spoke. “And, Sokka, Suki, Aang, or Toph can stay in here,” Zuko said, tugging up the bed’s covers more neatly as he rustled it a bit when sitting on the edge. He couldn’t bear to stay in there. He was going to sleep in one of the guest bedrooms. Those held almost no memories at all, and he had to put his mind on mute if he was ever going to sleep. 

Zuko walked closer to Katara, smiling at her offer. “That sounds nice,” he agreed with a quiet chuckle, “I can give you some money, I brought a lot with me from when I left the palace,” he said with a snicker. “But, I can’t come– I’m very, very recognizable here,” he spoke with a sigh. 

“You should get some lemonade,” he recommended. “They make the best here,” he murmured, “And, then– get whatever you like,” he told them, handing Katara a handful of more than enough money. “I’m going to get the others settled,” he told her, gently walking past with an affectionate brush of his hand on her arm as he ran into the rest of the group.


	12. These Hopes We Hold, Part 3

For once, her trip to the market was uneventful. Toph and Aang were easily enamored with Zuko, so they stayed behind to help clean up the house a bit, while Katara took Sokka and Suki into town. The threesome chatted happily, uplifted now that they had a roof over their heads, and picked general cooking items, plus some lemonade, thanks to Zuko’s suggestion. 

On the way back, they divided the basket among them and walked with a pep in their step. It didn’t matter much that they’d slept a collective twelves hours between the three of them. Tonight, they’d get to sleep on feather beds. It didn’t matter at all that they’d barely eating. Katara was already planning to ask Zuko for help roasting chicken and she’d make fruit salad and mango rice to go with it. On top of that, Sokka wasn’t cranky— _abnormal,_ but Katara chose not to think too much about it. Suki walked arm in arm with her and they gossiped a little about Aang and Toph, but mostly Zuko. 

She tried to hide the redness on her cheeks, but unfortunately, such a feat was impossible given the rich red of her dress. Katara looked down, the beach house coming into view, and Suki giggled at her. 

“You like him.” 

Katara’s eyes snapped upward, annoyance flickering through her not because Suki saw right through her, but because she wasn’t even asking. It was a statement. 

“No, I don’t!”

“Okay.” Suki shrugged, but her smile was only getting bigger. “It’s just… you’ve never blushed over Aang that way.” 

And, of course, Sokka chimed in at that point, smirking, “She’s only ever blushed at Jet that way.” His voice promptly rose three octaves as he darted towards the house and away from her water whip.  _“Oh, Jet! Look at your muscles, Jet! Almost as big as Zuko’s!”_

Katara nearly yelled after him, but he was out of sight and she was rounding the corner with Suki, right into the home’s front plaza— where Zuko stood shirtless and dripping in sweat, a shy smile on his lips. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158984699656)

Zuko was absolutely exhausted, and when Katara and the others went off to go shopping, Zuko headed to the guest room to take a well-deserved nap. The room was nice with a simple, minimalistic design, and the beds were fresh and unused. They were far better than camping, and the seaside breeze was a deep comfort. Zuko rested his head on the feather-stuffed, silk pillow and he was out like a light with the shades down, though they rattled in the breeze. 

His nap was short-lived, however, when Aang and Toph were screaming outside, making sandcastles with their earthbending. Zuko was startled by a shout, and he shot up in his bed, used to having to respond and act quickly his whole life. Zuko sighed, throwing his legs over the bed then to go out and see what their ruckus was about when he was greeted with the impressive sandcastles, and Zuko smiled and complimented them in awe. He’d truly never seen anything like it. 

But, it was then Aang playfully lodged a wad of sand at him with his bending and Zuko grumbled– and playfully sent fire back at him as Aang deflected it. But, the mock-fight soon transitioned into a full-blown, semi-serious training session and lesson. That was, until the others could be seen on the horizon, and the three of them waved towards them, seeing their bags of groceries with a wide smile. They were starving, and fresh fruit really sounded like it would hit the spot. 

When they got down to them, Zuko was still panting a bit from the training and he smiled at Katara, “I see you took me up on the lemonade sugges— what’re you staring at?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158984990992)

Her eyes had the be the size of saucers, and for a good minute, Katara just gaped at him like an idiot. But, she heard Suki cough awkwardly somewhere to her left, and suddenly, the world started moving again. 

_“Nothing!”_ Katara practically shrieked, though her gaze couldn’t be torn from him chest, and she absolutely couldn’t help but let it wander down over his hips before flicking back up. 

His face was beet red. She was positive hers was, too. Sokka only made matters worse by appearing from his hidden position on the porch and snickering. She wanted to smack him— yet, here she was, still gawking at the Prince. 

_The Prince. The Prince of the Fire Nation._

She let out a pathetic little snort, shifting the groceries in her arms and prancing towards him with all the grace of a fish on land. Katara repeated herself, “Nothing at all. Just—” 

Now, she couldn’t even get her brain to work, standing within a foot of him and close enough to smell him. Tui and La, he smelled good. _What was it with him and smelling good?_ Katara felt the moment extending again, and to play off her silence, she slapped a palm on his chest. 

“Just— uh-” She made a pretend swiping motion over to his shoulder, then wiped her hand across a rag at her hip. “You had some dirt on your— on you. But, I got it now… so… you’re looking good.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158985965216)

Zuko’s face felt hotter now than when it was in the blistering sun. Katara was eyeing him all over, like she was scrutinizing him, and he almost felt more comfortable when she was doing it to assess him in case she was going to put a permanent end to his destiny. Zuko chuckled awkwardly as his hand intrinsically went to the back of his neck, a lopsided smile appearing.

She was red too, and Zuko wondered why, but not for long because his eyes caught on how pretty she looked in the flush of her cheeks. She seemed as flustered as he, and that was making matters worse for the two of them, standing there gauchely fumbling over their words and motions. 

But, then she was swiping at his shoulder, and he looked at her like she was nuts. “Oh… ugh… well thanks, Katara,” Zuko mumbled, then coughing into his hand to deflect from– whatever… _this_ was. “Why don’t we go try the lemonade, then…”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158988526632)

“Lemonade!” Katara lifted her sack of groceries higher, as if to show him the pitcher she’d purchased with his money, but quickly realized Sokka was the one holding that particular bag. She lowered her arms slowly, her blush deepening. “Yes… _uh,_ well, I’ll just go pour everyone a glass.” 

She turned rapidly on her heel, her eyes forced down to the ground and definitely not at Zuko’s face or pecs or stomach. _Did he always have eight abs, or was it just the heat getting to her head?_ Katara snorted to herself, finally in the house, finally out of sight. 

Or so she thought. A flash of _yellow_ caught her eye and Katara found herself suddenly face to face with a bundle of energy. 

“Hey! How was the market?” 

“Aang…” She let out a slow breath, trying to push away— What was this? Disappointment? _That it was him… or that it wasn’t Zuko?_ Katara pushed away the thought. “It was nice, actually. I like the island life, I think. Everyone is relaxed and- and calm.” 

She smoothed her skirts, hoping the action would play off as _relaxed_ and _calm._ Her skin still felt so hot… and her friend seemed to notice. 

“Are you okay?” Aang asked. His brows pressed downward, concern flitting across his features. “You— you’ve never been so flustered before, expect maybe when Jet showed up in Ba Sing Se, and that was because you liked—”

Suki appeared, cutting him off. “She’s fine, Aang, just a little winded from our trip to the market.” Her arm came up around Katara’s shoulders, an innocent smile appearing, “Right, Katara?” 

 “Uh- yeah. Sure.” She nodded. Whatever Suki’s game was, Katara didn’t want to delve into it, not was Aang was seconds away from figuring out what Suki had figured out. “Do you two want to help me make the drinks? Aang, you can slice the coconuts open.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/158988915381)

Zuko watched in confusion as Katara went off in a flustered scurry back to the shore house. He shrugged at Sokka as Aang darted off to follow her and Suki inside, and he went to clean himself off a bit in the ocean. When Zuko came inside, grabbing a robe and sliding on sandals, he smiled at the sight of Katara and Aang making drinks with the lemonade. He’d never thought to put it in coconuts before. 

“That looks great,” Zuko commented, “I’d never thought of that before,” he added with a smile, looking around at the food they’d bought, and he found the fire flakes, eagerly opening the bag to snack on. 

This was somehow already nicer than any family vacation he’d ever taken. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/158989843042)

Fortunately, cooking had always had a therapeutic effect on her. Even though this wasn’t exactly cooking, Katara still found a little peace in slicing the fruit and in her thoughts. Aang chattering to Suki was just background noise, however, if she caught a note about his training, she’d pipe in: 

_‘Zuko figured out that I’m good at quick, precise jabs.’_

“That’s great, Aang.” 

_‘Raw power will come later, after I’ve got the control down.’_

“I’m glad he’s being smart about it. Fire is dangerous.” 

And _hot_. Katara almost cut herself with that rogue thought. Her loud sigh drew attention from both Suki and Aang, but she waved them off. With her eyes focused on a fresh dragonfruit, she finally faced the truth— She had a crush on Zuko. 

No big deal, she told herself. She’d had crushes on boys in the past. Haru. Jet. Random boys she’d seen from a distance in the upper ring of Ba Sing Se. 

What she’d learned from her friends, however, is there were two ways to handle it. She could act off and make unwelcome advances, like Aang did to her, or… She could be herself— much like Suki had been around Sokka. She’d have to keep the _awkwardness_ to a minimum, unless Zuko gave some hint her liked her that way, but Katara decided being who she was would work best. 

Katara nodded ot herself with her decision, bent on keeping her relationship with Zuko where it was for now - _friendly and close_ \- but a bit more at peace admitting her feelings to herself. At least, until a raspy voice appeared behind her. 

Her face flamed as she turned around to thank him, “I’m glad you like the idea. I thought it’d be a nice treat for everyone, after all your hard training.” 

_Tui and La, was she flirting with him?_

“Here!” Katara handed him a coconut and a skewer of fresh fruit, “Tell me what you think.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159009754231)

Zuko grabbed himself a glass of water from the spicket. It was new to have an irrigation system for tap water in a home, and only the most wealthy could afford it, let alone in a shore house. There was a shower too, and sinks and toilets with plumbing in each bathroom. Of course, they were royalty, but Zuko had nearly forgotten about such luxury in his years since he’d fled his home. 

He was starting to cool off as he fell back on the sofa, his legs hanging over the arm of the chair as he listened to Toph and Sokka bicker. He was broken from the trance when Katara called them over to taste the lemonade in the coconut.

Zuko took a sip of it, and he was surprised at how refreshing and just plain delicious it was. He’d never even thought to put the two-and-two together. “Katara, this is great,” Zuko said, “Thank you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159046706272)

Katara passed out a fresh coconut filled with lemonade to each of her friends, then collected her own. The group was gathered on the porch outside the house, lounging in the shade, and all together enjoying their peaceful first day in the lap of luxury. 

She took a seat on the top step, hoping it was far enough distance from Zuko’s place in a cushy lounger as to remain inconspicuous. The closer she got, the more likely she was to blush— it was only a matter of time before rumors spread beyond Sokka and Suki to Toph, then Aang. Katara grimaced at the possibility of a confrontation with him. 

What the Gaang needed was a distraction, something to lift their spirits and take their minds off any gossip floating around. So, Katara raised her cup.

“I think we should toast: to safety and comfort,” she clinked her coconut with Toph’s, who was sitting nearby, “ _and…_  tomorrow evening, after some good sleep tonight and training tomorrow afternoon, we should have a celebration.” 

“We _did_ miss a couple birthdays in the past couple months.” Katara smiled slyly at Toph. “Our resident earthbender is officially a teenager as of last week, and _I’ve_ turned fifteen. How does a bonfire sound? And swimming?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159047539986/these-hopes-we-hold)

It was strange for Zuko to be lying there so comfortably around this newfound group of friends he once called strangers. Zuko, somehow, felt he could be himself around them, and when he ran off and betrayed his father in the name of ceasing war, the last thing he expected to find was friends. But, he was ever grateful he did as his gaze met each of the people around him that were all so different, but in the greatest and most unique ways. 

Zuko couldn’t help but smile as Katara spoke, raising his glass to safety and comfort because there was nothing he wanted more than those things. But, it surprised him more when he smiled at her suggestion to have fun. He hadn’t had fun since… forever. There was never any reason to, or way to, but amidst these friends of his, as he hoped they’d allow him to call them, he wanted it- he wanted to have some fun for once in his life.  

“I can help you all out with the bonfire,” Zuko suggested, sitting up off the sofa. “We have a tradition in the Fire Nation for birthdays,” Zuko began, “mostly for teenagers and kids because as you’ll see, it would get ridiculous,” Zuko said with a tender chuckle. “You get a stick for each year, and set fire to it, sticking it in the sand until it burns out for the person’s birthday, and then, the birthday boy or girl makes a wish, and throws an item into the center for luck. People throw cloths, pictures, coins– anything in.”


	13. These Hopes We Hold, Part 4

The next morning, Katara selected a new dress from among Ursa’s things— a light pink ensemble, with shiny, golden embroidery and thin straps. The top stopped just below her rib cage, showing off her midriff, and the flowy skirt, which had stylized suns around the bottom, was light and airy. It was perfect for the weather and, Katara decided she liked how it made her seem older. 

She _felt_ older, which was odd, considering most people never noticed time creeping along. 

Katara guessed that war did that to her— every day was a gift, and she’d grown up so fast. In her thoughts, sometimes she felt she was her father’s age, carrying burdens no fifteen year old should bear. But she _looked_ different, too. 

It was partially noticeable in Ursa’s clothing, which had been made for a woman with shape, but the mirror told a new story as well. Katara noticed it when she went to braid her hair: the youthful roundness, the wide eyes, the innocence, it was gone. Her eyes were slightly more angular, her cheekbones and jaw defined… her expression held hope, but also a haunting. 

Darkly, Katara doubted that’d ever go away. 

With her curls restrained in a braid and a long sigh, Katara finally left her room and wandered to the sprawling yard. Toph was awake, surprisingly, and already putting Aang through some rigorous earthbending techniques. 

“Let’s go, Twinkletoes!” Her shout drifted over the sand. “You think you can beat Ozai _with pebbles?!”_

Katara smiled— then laughed, thinking she was alone. Maybe her melancholy thoughts from the bedroom would dissipate, maybe today would be a bright day. It was her birthday celebration, after all. She nearly jumped when a glimpse of red and gold appeared in her peripheral sight. 

“Zuko…” Her breath seemed to stop. Katara smoothed imaginary wrinkles from her skirt to hide a blush. “Did- did you sleep well?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159055124871)

The house brought back memories he liked packed away in the storage of this home. It made him remember too well his father, and it made him want to crawl from his own skin. The only sleep he managed was an hour before a nightmare tore him from it. Zuko hated this place, and he hated its memories, but the others loved it here, so he feigned a smile and when he caught Katara’s door open, leaning on the doorwell, and he then caught her question, he feigned his answer, too.

“I slept just fine,” Zuko lied, but he did it with a smile. He seemed to be fine a lot recently. But, when she turned around, he blushed more fervently than yesterday. Zuko hadn’t remembered that dress on his mother, but he was sure he could never forget it on Katara. She was breathtaking, and his breath was snatched from his lungs looking at her. 

“Katara… wow… I– I just… wow… you– you look… wow, I’m sorry… I– I don’t mean to stare, but… I just–” Zuko rambled, humiliated now as he coughed into his hand, “Wow,” he laughed out nervously and gauchely, scratching the back of his neck. “W–Why don’t we get breakfast?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159082633012)

_“O-oh…”_ Katara turned a serious shade of red, her cheeks burning as Zuko’s soft gold eyes wandered over her. She gestured at the simple dress. “It’s- I— I found it in one of the drawers of your mother’s wardrobe… you said I could wear anything in there.” 

When she glanced up again, meeting his gaze, Katara realized that he hadn't meant the dress at all. Something in her stomach fluttered, felt _hot_ , like it did when she was embarrassed or caught in a lie, except— she _liked_ the feeling this time. 

Katara smiled, playing coy for a moment by fingering the gold trim on his sleeve. Her eyes flicked back to his, “You’re not so bad yourself…” 

Their eyes held for a moment, a grin lighting his face. But, when she looked away, Katara spotted Aang’s eyes boring in their direction. He let his bending form go, and came over. “I haven’t eaten either. Why don’t I join you, Katara?” 

His voice was cheery enough, but Katara’s stomach fluttered in a less appealing way. The way he looked at only her like she should always want him around, saying her name like he was doing her a favor… she didn’t like any of it. Then there was the way he positioned himself: far enough to seem natural, but close enough that whatever point Aang was trying to make, Zuko couldn’t miss. 

Katara stepped away from them both, a hand over her abdomen and her posture slouching.  _Was she doing something wrong?_ She couldn’t figure out why she felt guilt now. 

“I— I’m not really hungry,” she muttered quietly, before leaving the porch in the direction of the beach. Katara called over her shoulder. “I’m going to practice for a while. You two eat without me.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159088945761)

Zuko laughed nervously, his hand reaching up as his fingers feathered over his scar subconsciously at her compliment. A smile was now wide on his face, even though her comment was a simple, throwaway one. To him, it mattered. But, before Zuko could lead the way to the kitchen, Aang bolted in, interrupting them, and Zuko groaned beneath his breath. 

Katara’s mood instantly turned dour as Aang flew in, and it had him thinking back to their conversations as they hunted the Southern Raiders, and Zuko refused to let the meal be ruined. “Aang, I think Toph wanted you to practice a few more things. Katara and I will prepare some breakfast for everyone for when you’re both done training.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159091389617)

Zuko caught her before she made too much progress towards the beach. His cautious smile and genuine concern calmed her enough that he managed to get her to come towards the house. Katara trailed him up the porch, ignoring Aang’s shout: 

**_‘Let me know if you need any help, Tara!’_ **

She hated that name, but there was no sense in fighting him about it. Katara heard him get pummeled by Toph anyways. 

Inside, Katara let out a deep sigh. She had to this behind her. It was her birthday celebration, and Toph’s, gods be damned if she let her frustration with Aang get in the way of something fun. More importantly, she had to get whatever _this_ was— those looks Zuko kept giving her and the giddiness she felt around him— she had to get it under control. Aang would lose it, all of his drive and motivation, if he thought she wasn’t interested. 

Her thoughts fluttered back to the Western Air Temple, when he’d insisted they talk about their kiss and she’d refused. Katara could still feel the heat from the lava stinging her face. No one even knew about that… she didn’t know what they’d do if they did. 

_“Love is a battlefield,”_ she grumbled under her breath, only remembering after she’d said it, that Zuko was in the kitchen with her. 

Katara covered it with a tight smile and quickly pulled a pan from the shelf overhead. From the pantry, she retrieved a dozen turtleduck eggs, seasonings, and also fruit for Aang. She jabbed at the stove, implying that Zuko should light it, but a dozen questions hung in his eyes. 

She glared back at him, “Well, are you going to ask about it, or what?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159096595096)

When Katara uttered those words, Zuko’s heart caught in his throat, and he knew it shouldn’t have. Why did he find himself hoping she meant him? He knew she didn’t, but he wanted her to. Zuko couldn’t like her. He had to go back to Mai. But, he knew in how close they were, the way he looked at her, how beautiful she was, and he found her, and how well they clicked, and how he never wanted to let her go, that he was falling– hard and fast, but he would keep running. 

He was taken from his reverie then– Katara snapped at him, and his eyes jolted towards her, startled, and frazzled, blushing harsher. “I– I… ask about…? What? Why would I, Katara?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159098557987)

“I don’t know,” Katara turned back around, irritated with him now, too. “You’re giving me weird looks and the long silences… I thought you were wondering about me and Aang, or maybe what was wrong with me.” 

She sliced into a mango, working quickly and efficiently to peel away the skin. Her knife work was… perhaps a little harsher than need be, but it felt good. Doing something felt good— since Zuko wasn’t going to let her down on the beach to bend. 

Something in that realization made her sick. She knew he was just trying to help. She hadn’t eaten, her stomach had been growling, he could tell she really was hungry. She’d lied to escape Aang and his jealously and Zuko cleverly figured it out. But now she felt claustrophobic, trapped in the kitchen with him like Aang tried to trap her earlier… and all the weird stares and ever weirder… _stammering._  

Did she catch him off guard or something? _What in the hell could possibly have him so lost in thought?_ Maybe he needed tea… maybe he didn’t agree with mornings… maybe he’d dreamt about his girlfriend… Katara scowled, wishing Sokka’d never confirmed Zuko’s relationship with that emo, gothic chick. 

She stabbed the mango’s pit, trying to ward off her wandering thoughts with mindless conversation. “Have you thought about getting anything for Toph’s birthday?” 

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159115232861)

Zuko swallowed thickly, wishing he could pull himself together and find something better to say than incoherent phrases and incomplete words in stupid stutters. “I– sorry… I know whatever is going on with you and Aang is complicated… you were telling me that before, I didn’t want to… sorry…” Zuko mumbled, blushing deeply. He didn’t want to hit a sore subject or make her uncomfortable or force her to talk about something she didn’t feel comfortable with. But, he felt like he’d made her uncomfortable now, and his face was beat red. 

As she sliced at the mangos almost angrily, Zuko decided he’d take her offer on an excuse to get out of her hair, cursing himself for being so stupid. “I- I haven’t gotten anything yet,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s– That’s a good idea, I– I’m going to go into town, and grab something for her. I– I’ll be back soon, and I’ll see you later,” he rambled out quickly as he tugged a black hood over his head to hide his scar. 

He took her excuse to get out of there and leave her be, but  now he figured he did need to get a gift for them both. They were also celebrating Katara’s birthday. He needed to find them each something, and Zuko decided to go into town– nervous as he did, his head hung low and his hand squeezing the hood close to his neck to cover the scar completely. 

Zuko got to the markets then, and rummaged through each stall, looking for something perfect. For Toph, Zuko found a sack of stones. She seemed to like playing with the moonstones she’d found, so he hoped she’d like these, but it was really a gamble with her. He hadn’t the slightest clue really what to get Katara either, but he really wanted to get her something special- something she would love. Zuko searched for hours, sweating in the black cloak in the heat of the midday sun as he kept an eye out. 

That was when he spotted a handwoven canister. It was made of Fire Nation, industrial steel, coated in gold, and woven over with a satin pattern by hand. Zuko ran his hand over it, and picked it up, and despite its price, he thought it would be perfect for her to store water in for bending, and Zuko bought it, now excited to give the girls the gifts, Zuko headed back to the shore house.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159117253997)

She was grateful for the space. Without him and Aang or anyone around, Katara could just breathe. She always felt stifled around the airbender, afraid of hurting his feelings or saying something wrong. With Zuko… she felt vulnerable. 

_“Hah!”_ Katara huffed under her breath as she kept working on breakfast. _Vulnerable around Zuko_ , the irony was hilarious. 

And also, alarming. She was falling for him, _fast_. His smile turned her into a puddle of nerves, but more than that, she just liked being around him. He talked to her and listened— and their conversations were more than the chatter she shared wth Aang or Toph, or the coaching she’d have to throw at her brother. Zuko was helpful and kind… and when he could keep his focus from running off to thoughts of tea or whatever his girlfriend offered, he genuinely seemed to like her company in return.

_‘Then explain why he darted out at the first opportunity…’_

Katara’s face scrunched at the little voice in her head. She tried to shake it off while dishing up her companion’s plates.  

The group was lounging on the steps when she brought the food out, and each accepted their plate with a happy  _‘thank you’_ before digging in. Zuko wasn’t around though, and despite her effort, Katara couldn’t keep the disappointment from twisting her stomach. 

“Are you not eating with us, Tara?” 

She glanced at Aang, then at the sparkling waters not to far off. “I already said, I’m not hungry.” 

Katara gave her portion to Sokka and stepped off the porch for the ocean. There weren’t any feelings she could drown out with hours of bending practice. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159120388966/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko came walking back with bags in his hands. He finally got close enough where it was safe. The villagers were never allowed over by their vacation home at any times, and the ban was never lifted, despite the place being abandoned. They were safe there, so Zuko finally removed his hoodie as the sun set over the gorgeous ocean line. Zuko smiled as he saw the others, surprised that his heart warmed, and he was eager to get over to them. 

He could smell the food from here, and he was sure Katara had cooked something. From his view, he saw Katara practicing bending, the others around the fire, eating. Zuko dropped the bags in the sand, wiping his sweaty forehead. “I didn’t think I was gone that long, sorry,” he apologized, smirking at Toph, never mind the fact she couldn’t see. “Toph, I’ve got something for you– and Katara, wherever she’s at, I have something for her too. Is she still practicing?”


	14. These Hopes We Hold, Part 5

Katara dropped her hold on the waves at the sound of sandy footprints. Turning in the shallows and wringing out her long hair, her eyes fell upon the lean form of Zuko. 

_**‘Hey!’** _

He waved from the shore, looking happy and pleased with himself and whatever was in the bags he held. Katara waited for a wary moment— she still wasn’t sure how to act around him, lest Aang read too far into it, but the monk wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Besides… a _harmless_ _crush_ was all she had and it wouldn’t hurt anyone if she entertained it. 

Katara waded towards the warm sands, drawing the water from her white, linen bindings and dark skin as she did. She’d shed Ursa’s dress and sandals earlier; they lay in a neat pile close to Zuko’s feet. 

But she didn’t make a move towards them. Katara stayed where the ocean was ankle deep, the waves lapping up her calves as they broke and foamed up the beach. She was a few paces from him, and she smiled shyly. 

“Hey yourself.” She glanced over him, eyeing the shopping bag he held and his black cloak. Katara noticed that it and his shirt clung to his chest with sweat. She motioned him towards the sea, teasing, “Are you just going to stand there? Come cool off with me.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159136683916)

Zuko’s mouth slightly fell ajar, and he was left gaping and gawking at her in the tight, somewhat-transparent, wet undergarments. He blushed and forced himself to look away, gulping and pursing his lips nervously. When he looked back at her, he was grateful she’d dried herself off, but she was still hard to avoid looking at. She was breathtaking, and his breath was now light. 

Zuko smiled brightly when she called to him, finding it hard to believe such a short while ago, she hated his living guts. Now, she couldn’t be more friendly to him, and she couldn’t be more important to him either, he was slowly starting to realize. He didn’t just _like_ Katara in the mere superficial attraction- he cared about her deeply. He felt a strong connection to her, and he never wanted to lose her as a friend. He didn’t want to lose any of them, and he cared about all of them, but Katara– he really felt close with her. 

Zuko snapped out of his pondering, and heard her teasing him to come into the water with her, and he shrugged. He was sweating in heat from that damn disguise. Zuko peeled off his shirt, and chased her into the waves. “If you insist!” he called, then dashing after her and picking her up around the middle as they got deeper in. Zuko span her around, laughing hard as he teasingly through her into the ocean, the splash hitting his face as he was riddled with laughter. Zuko hadn’t laughed so much in years- he hadn’t been so happy in years. He had friends– real ones. 

“There! All cooled off!” Zuko teased as Katara sat up, spitting water from her mouth. But, he knew he was screwed when he remembered she was a waterbender– one of the most skilled on earth, likely. Zuko smirked, cursing beneath his breath as he noticed her own deviant smile. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159138505742)

_“Zuko!”_ She squealed when his arms came ‘round her waist, kicking at the air, but not really fighting him. He spun her above the water, every inch of the skin that touched her so incredibly _warm_. His laugh rang in her ears, and Katara was almost surprised to hear her own join in. 

Even when he let her go, when she tumbled under the water, and came up sputtering, a smile still adorned her lips. Katara smirked at him, her brow quirking up playfully and her hands poised over the crystal waves. 

“You’re going to regret that, _firebender._ ”

Whether he did or didn’t, Katara wasn’t really concerned. She sent a torrent towards him, pummeling his chest and knocking him under. He surfaced with dripping wet hair, his gold eyes sparkling and matching her mirth. 

It was _fun_ — pure, unadulterated fun. She never thought she’d find it with him, never thought she’d even be a position like this with him. They were frolicking and giggling, tackling each other and splashing around. 

She threw another wave his way, then a flick her wrist switched the current. Zuko came swimming towards her, propelled by her own doing— too fast. She tried to stop the momentum, but it was too late. Zuko slammed into her, sending them rolling deeper in to the blue sea. 

“Zuko?” Katara found her footing, shoulder deep in the calm bay, but immediately felt panic when she couldn’t see him. Her heart thumped, making her breath short. Her voice rose again. “Zuko, _this isn’t funny!”_ _ **  
**_

_**           ‘Boo!’  ** _

He burst from the water in front of her. Katara practically flew into the air with fright, only coming down from her scare when his hands found her waist. He sank to her level in the water, the glint in his eyes shifting from devilish to sweet. 

She didn’t move away, not even when he was so close she could smell the mix of _him_ and the sea. Her pulse pattered in her chest and a shy smile curved her lips. 

“Don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159139434971)

Zuko couldn’t believe he was having so much fun. He never had so much fun with anyone before– he never had fun, period. There was too much going on. There was too much pain, too much suffering, too much worrying, too much of everything. Right now, there was more than ever, but at the same time, he felt freer. He let go of everything he was pretending to be, and stopped trying to please people who didn’t matter, and he was with people who seemed to care more about him in a matter of months than those who should have loved him his whole life. 

Zuko was laughing, even as Katara knocked him down with a crash of water, and he fell back, tumbling into the ocean against her. He popped up before she did, but he held his breath, sinking back down, and sneaking up to her, startling her from below, and laughing in delight at his successful prank. He smiled at her when she spoke, standing up, and wiping the salty water from his face. 

“All right, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” he said tenderly, his smile warm as he put a hand on her back, guiding her to the shore. “We should probably eat something,” he suggested with a laugh.

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159139911417)

_“Right…”_ Katara agreed, realizing as she followed him to the shore that her stomach was growling. She rubbed her stomach absentmindedly, trying to be rid of the hunger cramps she hadn’t noticed before. Her fingers then drug upwards and away, pulling water with them until she was dry. 

Katara repeated the motion for Zuko, smiling proudly when his now dry black hair caught the sun. “Waterbending has quite a few useful little tricks, more so than beating your ass, I’m afraid.” 

She danced away before he could so much as negate her comment, and grabbed her clothing and sandals from the beach. 

“Will you be working with Aang at all this afternoon?” Katara asked, glancing at him more than once before he covered up with his shirt. She just stayed in her bindings, holding the dress to her chest. She’d need to change anyways before setting up the birthday party. “Or will you be… showing me what you got from the market?” 

Katara eyed his bag, giving him a mischievous look, “Come on… you have to at least show me what you got for Toph.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159155262416)

Aang was irritated as he watched Katara and Zuko splashing and laughing in the ocean in the setting sunshine. He was bitter as he watched her come in to eat with Zuko, but how she refused to sit down with the rest of them. Aang huffed while he sat there in the sand, still picking at the scraps of food he had left over. 

Zuko laughed at Katara’s snide and proud remark, a smirk left on his face as she paraded out of the water boastfully. Zuko shook his head, his smirk still visible as he followed Katara out to sit on the blanket on the sand with a sigh, tugging back on his shirt, and wiping his damp face. 

He smiled at her question, “I should probably get some training in today with him… as much fun as we’re having… we can’t slip up,” Zuko spoke, running his fingers through the sand nervously as he thought about the war, his sister, his father, where his uncle was, if he was okay, if his mother was alive– so many things crowded his mind. 

Zuko took a deep breath, shaking the unpleasant thoughts for now. “But,” he began, smirking at her with playful eyes that met her blues, “After we’re done training, I’ll be more than happy to show you what I got for Toph, and what I got for _you_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159172452642)

Katara pretended to grumble at him,  _“Fine,”_ and followed him from the beach up to the house. 

Toph had finished her training with Aang, the Gaang was now chatting on the steps with leftover lemonade and coconuts. They smiled when she approached with smile, well, everyone but Aang. His grey eyes seemed glued to her, his lips downturned in a grimace. 

“I could’ve been working with Zuko that entire time, Katara.” He stood up, coming down from the porch to confront her on the gravel path. “Last time I checked, I’m the one who needs to spend hours with the firebender.” 

She did a double take at him, blinking rapidly before the irritation in his tone caught up to his words. He was _jealous,_ through and through. The petulant look on his face reminded her so much of the days around Jet and Haru, that Katara nearly laughed. 

But she gathered herself, only allowed an amused smile to show before she corrected the air nomad, “We might’ve been in the water for an hour, Aang, and last I checked, Toph claimed you this morning.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159213799241/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko looked to Aang, trying to hide his irritation with the monk’s complaints. “I’m sorry, Aang, it was me, I distracted her, and myself,” Zuko apologized. “I did promise to train you, I just got caught up with Katara. We were just having a good time, which, is rare for me,” he jested with a smirk, grabbing a towel and throwing it over his shoulder as he began filling a jug of water. 

“Come on, let’s go get some training in, then we can wish Katara and Toph a happy birthday,” Zuko suggested, though Aang still looked vexed. Zuko turned to Katara and rolled his eyes with a smirk before gesturing for the monk to follow him outside with one hand, his other holding the jug. The sooner Zuko got done training Aang, the sooner he could give the girls their gifts. And for whatever reason, Zuko was actually excited for this.


	15. These Hopes We Hold, Part 6

After splitting from Zuko, Katara spent a few hours at the market with Suki and Toph. They picked a number of things for the party later: more kamodo chicken, marshmallows for dessert, and Suki wouldn’t let a bottle of rice wine go. Toph demanded they get two, just in case, and Katara gave in with a grunt, handing over a few gold coins that Zuko had given her. 

She hated to admit that her stomach fluttered just thinking about him. Even worse, Toph caught on. 

“Whoa,” the earthbender stopped next the vendor’s stall, her hands spread to like she’d made some wild discovery, “Dang, Sugarqueen, what’s with the rise in your heart rate?”  

“Nothing.”

Suki laughed, “Nothing? Are you sure?” 

“Nerves, then.” Katara grimaced and gave her friend the dirtiest look she could muster. She sensed it fell flat however, because what on earth was there to be nervous about, besides the boy who’d given her those coins and the way his face lit up when smiled and the way he smiled just for her.

Katara palmed her forehead— that couldn’t be right. He didn’t smile _for her._ He just smiled because he was happy and having fun… not because of her. 

She took a steadying breath, ignoring both Toph and Suki as she gathered their purchases. “It’s just nerves. I have a lot of prepping to do.” 

“Prepping… to impress a certain someone, or–?” Toph wore the smuggest grin. 

Katara almost lost it, her face heating to an insane level. “ _Toph!_ I- I just want tonight to be fun, okay? My heart has nothing to do with Zuko!” 

The two girls exchanged a glance, then Suki ganged up on her next. “No one said anything about Zuko, Katara…”  

She paced away at that, blushing and flustered. Her friends giggled and trailed behind her, but nothing more was said until they reached the house. Zuko, of course, was shirtless, again. Katara didn’t mind… not at all… but she felt Suki and Toph watching her, so she darted inside. 

Suki cornered her in the kitchen. “Hey— look, if you do like him, you know we won’t say anything.”

“You’re just easy to tease.” Toph appeared in the doorway, feigning nonchalance. “If it’s any consolation, his heart leaps into his throat every time you walk by.” 

“It _does_?” 

Katara couldn’t help the slight rise in her voice. _He liked her._  Something about the prospect of a _mutual_ crush made her breath shallow. She bit her lip and looked away, trying to focus on the food she’d purchased and needed to put up. Meat and rice and wine… veggies for Aang. Her giddiness quickly subsided. 

“Not that it matters,” Katara said sullenly. “We’re all just kids… and… and Aang.” Katara looked at Suki helplessly. “I’ll just hurt his feelings.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159215582821)

Zuko was doing his best to give lessons to Aang, he knew the Comet was coming up soon. This meant it was time to get serious, and really crack down on Aang’s firebending, but a certain someone had his head in the clouds and had him totally unfocused on everything, no matter the direness of the situation. Aang was beginning to catch on as he rehearsed his firebending stances. 

Aang slumped his shoulders with a sigh, stopping as Zuko hardly noticed, making Aang more agitated. “Sifu Hotman! Hello? Earth to sifu!” Aang called, waving his arms about to grab his older friend’s attention as he stared off at the door, watching Katara’s shadow, and mumbling incoherent instructions to Aang. Zuko finally heard the avatar, and he shook his head, blushing deeply as he turned to him. 

“O-Oh sorry,” Zuko mumbled, “I– I got distracted, is all,” he spoke, rubbing the back of his neck as he habitually did when nervous or feeling awkward. 

“I know. You’ve been all over the place recently, Sifu! You aren’t even mad when I call you that now. Are you… are you scared, Zuko?” asked Aang, his voice growing smaller, and Zuko frowned because yes, he was. 

“I am,” he admitted, that was honestly part of why he was so unfocused. His father could practically end the world, and kill millions. “But, I know you can take down my father,” Zuko stated determinedly. 

Aang blushed then, looking around timidly, then back to Zuko. “Zuko… you– you had a girlfriend. So, you know what it’s like,” Aang began, and Zuko could only guess where this was going, and he shifted uncomfortably. “Katara, do you think… do you think she likes me?” Aang asked eagerly. “She’s been talking to you a lot, so I thought you might know.”

Zuko sighed deeply, about to play dumb, and say they didn’t ever talk about stuff like that when Katara and the others came outside, and Zuko sighed in relief, glad they were interrupting all _that_.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159216160827)

“We have lemonade!!!” 

Toph streaked down the steps, somehow carrying a coconut in each hand and still maintaining her balance. She offered one to Aang, and the other Zuko, before elbowing the latter in the ribs. 

“Katara got the genius idea to mix in a little lime juice. Gives it a nice tart punch.” Toph smiled, eyeing the waterbender who stood on the steps. “She’s smart _and_ pretty.” 

Aang, who’d already sucked down half the drink, nodded in agreement, “She sure is.” 

He walked up towards the porch, a dreamy smile on his lips, one that only made Katara’s glare tighten. He didn’t notice though. He threw his arm around her bare shoulders, his sticky palm squeezing the muscle, and took a long sip through his straw. 

She glanced at him sideways, completely bewildered at _this_ behavior. “Aang, what are you doing?” 

The airbender shrugged. “Zuko’s been teaching me things.” 

“He has?” Her eyes found the firebending Prince out in the yard, whose neck and naked chest were tinged pink, and whose lips were pulled up in an impish grin. “What things?”

“Ya know… how to be romantic, how to please a lady… boyfriend things.” 

Now, Zuko looked guilty, mixed with a hint of… _irritation?_ Katara couldn’t decide. The look on his face was dark, but it was so hard to tell when his cheeks turned red and he rubbed his neck. 

He caught her eyes and mouthed, _‘Sorry,’_ and it struck her that he wished he’d prevented this some how. She didn’t really have time to ponder it, not between squirming free of Aang’s _lady pleasing_ and her brother reappearing from the jungle with firewood. 

“What’s this about Zuko’s boyfriend lessons?” He dropped the pile near the porch and winked at his friend. “Maybe you could drop some of that knowledge on me. I’m pretty romantic… I’ve got the candles and the good smelling things down… breakfast in bed in the morning, but I’m having a little trouble with—”

Suki shrieked, _“Sokka!”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159227105381)

Zuko couldn’t believe what Aang was saying. He hadn’t answered him in the slightest. Zuko didn’t even know how. He was no ladies’ man. He hadn’t the slightest idea how to go up and start flirting with girls, or how to pick up girls, or get dates– he was far too shy, and would wind up blushing and bumbling like an awkward buffoon. The only reason he was dating Mai is because they used to crush on each other when they were kids, and Mai was all over him the second he was about to go home. He liked her, she was pretty, and she showed interest in him too, but now as Zuko thought, there was not much they had in common, not anymore anyway. He worried about her often, but knew that she was likely all right under her uncle’s care, but he worried about her and Ty Lee with Azula. 

But, he brought himself back to earth as he paid attention again to Aang’s rambling. Zuko’s hand hit his forehead as Aang babbled away to Katara, not being subtle– at all. In the nick of time, Sokka popped in, and Zuko thought they were saved from this unbearably awkward conversation, but instead, Sokka made it worse, and Zuko just laughed along, not knowing what else he could really do, but watch this circus tent come crashing down as Aang tried to win over Katara’s affections blindly. 

Zuko couldn’t get his face down from shining tomato red as Sokka spoke about his sexual relationship with Suki, and Suki nearly died in embarassment herself, shrieking, and Zuko was sent back to his night with Mai before the meeting with his father. “Okay!” Zuko shouted, deciding this was enough. “Let’s have the lemonade now! Okay? All right! –Let’s go!”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159234579872)

Katara quirked a brow, her hands going to her hips. There were a number of things she thought odd about this situation, one being Zuko’s beet red face and obvious nervousness. 

Toph seemed to notice, too. “You already _have_ lemonade, Sparky.” 

She wore a confused look, one that was almost as potent as the embarrassment on Suki’s face and the terror on Zuko’s. Suddenly, in her own bewilderment with the tense silence, Katara came to the conclusion that her upbringing may have been very different than the others… even her brother. 

The Southern Water Tribe had long been focused on survival, but that didn’t halt the elderly women from passing along traditions extending before the Great War.  _‘A woman’s duty is to please her husband.’_ Katara could still hear the tribe’s matriarch— who also happened to be who her own grandmother— droning in a fur lined tent filled with ten other girls, ranging from twelve to fifteen. 

Sixteen _was_ the marrying age there… war had driven it younger and younger. The tribe needed babies so girls needed husbands— _happy husbands._ Sex had just been a part of Katara’s everyday education, right alongside cleaning and cooking and laundering socks. 

That was why she laughed now. Everyone in the Gaang seemed _**so**_ mortified, even more now that Katara was giggling like a monkey. 

She covered her mouth with her hand, “I- I— _God, Sokka…_ I’m sorry, Zuko… Suki, particularly, I- I’m sorry my brother doesn’t know anything.” She looked at her warrior friend, watching her eyes widen and mouth gape. “Look, if you want, I can talk to you in private about what exactly you should be telling Sokka.”

“And you,” Katara glared at her brother. “It’s not exactly polite to just blurt out your bedroom troubles, Sokka. Maybe you should make sure your girlfriend is comfortable with such a public display? Or you could’ve just waited until you had Zuko alone,” her blue eyes turned on the Prince, “since he’s such an _authority_ on the matter.” 

 

* * *

[](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159237290131)

Zuko blushed deeper, if it all possible, when Toph pointed out that he did, indeed, already have a lemonade. Zuko flashed the group a cheeky grin, “Riiight,” he spoke, laughing uncomfortably as he glanced aside, and prayed for this conversation to end. 

Zuko turned his focus to Katara as she spoke, teasing Sokka who folded his arms over his chest. “Hey!” Sokka cried back, pulling on his shirt proudly. “Trust me, and you can ask Suki, I know plenty!” Sokka boasted, making Zuko cover his face in secondhand embarrassment as Suki slapped Sokka’s forearm lightly with the back of her hand, blushing as her boyfriend spoke so openly about their sexual relationship. 

“Sokka!” she cried, “ _Stop_ it!” he insisted. 

Sokka nearly mimicked Zuko’s cheeky grin to Suki, trying to wrap his arm around her, and she turned around her back to him in irritation as the two began bickering on their own. 

Zuko looked to Katara, laughing in refusal and awkwardly, “H–H–I-I am no, absolutely no expert at all, by any means, not an authority at all, but thanks,” Zuko choked out, sipping on the lemonade. “I’m glad we all had this… conversation… let’s… ugh… um… let’s go see our presents, I- I mean the presents, the uhhh– the ones I got Toph and Kat.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159239595732)

Katara immediately dropped all notions of teasing the boys, her eyes zoning in on the firebender just ten paces from her. 

_“Kat?”_ When she repeated him,her voice was small— almost _touched._  She couldn’t fathom that a nickname would effect her so much, maybe it was that this proved Zuko cared about her. It had to. 

Only her closest family gave her affectionate names: Gran-Gran called her snowflake, Dad called her sunshine, Sokka called her sis. And now, Zuko… Katara gave him a soft smile. “I like it.” 

Aang’s head swirled then, darting between the two before he said in a faux innocent tone, “Who’s Kat? Don’t you mean Tara?” 

He was back at Katara’s side in a second, even though she’d previously maneuvered from his grasp and taken several steps away. And she was cringing now, both at the way he put an arm around her waist and the way he acted as the sole authority on her nickname. 

She couldn’t even escape, however, because he was smiling proudly and fishing in his pockets, all without letting her go. _Gods forbid,_ she have some personal space. 

“I go you a present, too.” He announced, producing his fist from his pocket. He opened it in front of her, revealing a carefully woven necklace. It was much like the one he’d given her outside Madam Wu’s village— a pretty silk flower graced the center, though this time, it was as blue as her eyes. The band was braided white twine, with blue and silver beads threaded along it. “Do you like it?” 

Despite her earlier resentment, Katara immediately warmed. She took the necklace between her fingers, giving her friend an excited smile. “Aang, it’s beautiful!” She held it closer to her face, inspecting his handiwork. It had to have taken him hours… maybe even days. 

“I really appreciate this, Aang, thank you,” she said. “Do you think you could help me shorten it into a bracelet?” 

He scowled at her in confusion.  _“_ A brace—  _Why?”_  

“W-well, I—” She stammered, afraid to hurt his feelings after he’d worked so hard for her birthday. His eyes were wide, almost wounded. Katara felt a pang of guilt run through her. “I- I have a necklace already… I thought… well, this way I can wear both pieces.”

“Can’t you just take the necklace off?” 

Katara’s smile faltered, “Uh— _n-no…_ Sorry, Aang, it’s my mother’s necklace. I told you before, remember? I can’t take off the one thing I have left of her. I just can’t.”  

She could see a flash of annoyance on his face, something twisting in his features. “Do you really think she even wants you to wear it? You _murdered_ someone, Katara.” 

He snatched the necklace back from her and walked away, leaving her shocked… _pained._  Katara swallowed tightly, wanting to force down the lump in her throat. Watery eyes found Zuko’s. “Did- _uh—_ did you say you had something, too?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159249619346)

Zuko inhaled sharply when Katara was so shocked about the nickname he’d just granted her. He didn’t even realize he’d given it- it just came out. But, then she was smiling, and blushing, and saying that she liked it. Zuko smiled brightly then, shrugging, at a loss of words for a proper response, and he just watched as Aang swooped in opportunely.

He was reclaiming her as “ _Tara_ ” and whipping out a necklace he said he’d made for her. The necklace itself was quite stunning. Zuko was impressed when Aang said that he made it himself. The design was intricate and elegant, and it looked just like something Katara would wear. Zuko couldn’t help but smile at her expression, and how proud Aang looked. Aang was a sweet kid, and he was just a child. He had a lot on his shoulders, and he still managed to be so giving and loving to others. He’d been through so much, but he still smiled, and loved. It was more than he could say about himself after going through so much pain at the exact same age. He wasn’t even half the man Aang was, Zuko thought to himself. 

But, in a second, Zuko was second guessing because when Katara extended her wrist, Aang looked mortified, and Zuko couldn’t figure out why. Zuko frowned deeply. It reminded him of how he snatched it from her, and held it as ransom in exchange for her best friend. It now made Zuko feel ill to think he did that. It was all she had of her mother, and he took it, and wanted to throw Aang away just so he could go home, and now they both meant so much to him. His uncle was right, destiny was a funny thing. 

But, when Aang replied next, Zuko’s eyes bugged wide open. He was stunned. Did Aang really just say that? Did he really just rip her heart out and stomp on it like that? She was just beginning to cope with that, and Aang brought it up again. She looked like she’d been stabbed in the chest. Zuko glared at Aang, furious suddenly when he was seconds ago so touched by him, and admiring his kindness. 

“Aang!” Zuko snapped. “Why would you say that? Katara just— why would you…?!” Zuko yelled, and Sokka yelled too, telling him to back off of his sister– but it was too late, Aang’s eyes were glossed over in thick emotion, and he was gone. Zuko sighed deeply, groaning- everything was always a mess. 

He looked then back to Katara, worry lacing his features, as she seemed to dismiss it nonchalantly. “Kat–” began Zuko in a hushed whisper. “Are you okay…? I–”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159250482437)

“It’s _fine,_ Zuko.” She bit her lip. Her words came out harsher than she wanted, but her face was already aflame with embarrassment. 

Katara looked away in the direction Aang ran, blinking rapidly to clear tears from eyes. “He’s just a kid, you know? He’s got a lot on his mind with the comet coming. It’s just stress… and _I’m fine_. I can handle it.” 

She wasn’t sure how much truth there was to that. She knew Zuko doubted her honesty, as well— the nightmares still came, the cold sweats. She’d fight every night to ignore the shape of Yon Rha in the corners, and she’d wake up every morning in Zuko’s room. 

When Katara turned back around, his golden eyes were pouring sympathies into hers. She shook her head. This wasn’t what she wanted to think about right now. 

“Really, I’m fine.” She nodded, inhaling sharply like that’d convince everyone, then clapped her hands together. “Why don’t we get the party set up, okay? I have everything we need— dinner, drinks, dessert. Sokka, you and Zuko go get the fire going. The girls and I will bring the food down.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159250807856/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko listened to her as she assured everyone that she was just fine. It made his heart seize in his chest because that was a familiar lie. He’s been fine for almost four years now, but he isn’t fine, he wasn’t fine. He hasn’t been fine in many years, since long before his mother disappeared. But, he didn’t want people to worry or fuss, so he was fine. It was simpler that way, and maybe he was empathizing too much, presumptively so, but he had a gut feeling Katara was in the same state of mind right now. 

“Kat,” Zuko spoke, sighing deeply, his face laced with endless worry. He always worried, but he tried to hold that in too. Usually, it slid through despite himself. But, he decided pressuring her to answer was a horrible idea, so he just pursed his lips, closed his eyes and nodded, speaking in a whisper, a mere offer for the moment. “You can talk to me. I’m not much, but… I– I’m here,” Zuko said, picking up the kindle wood that they had gathered. 

“I’m going to go get the fire set up…”


	16. These Hopes We Hold, Part 7

The group gathered on the beach not too much later. The sun had just dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with pinks and purples, and the low tide was lapping at the white sands. Just out of the water’s reach, the bonfire was already raging, and the six of them sat on stumps gathered by Sokka and Zuko with snacks of fruit and rice cakes being passed around. 

Katara finished the last of her distributing, giving the final rice cake to Aang with a tight smile. They hadn’t spoken since the incident at the house, but he held out his palm now, the necklace-turned-bracelet extended towards her. 

She sat down next to her friend, placing her wrist on his knee as the ache in her chest lightened. 

When he finished tying the bracelet around her wrist, Katara smiled and hugged him gently. “Thanks, Aang.” 

“You’re welcome.” He pulled away, looking petulant and ashamed. “I’m sorry… about everything. I- I’m—”

“You’re stressed,” Katara finished for him. 

He was _young._.. and he held a burden on his shoulders that she couldn’t imagine. Plus, in the recent weeks, the group had been fighting about Ozai’s fate— Katara, even though her feelings were hurt, didn’t want to hold a grudge over a few harsh words spoken earlier. 

“We all are. We’re going to say things we don’t mean, I understand.” Katara fixed his collar affectionately, then turned her attention back to the group. 

For now, they all seemed happy. She, too, felt better now that the squabble between her and Aang was behind them. It helped that Sokka’s laughter was infectious, that Toph was making sand castles to tease Momo, and Suki was chatting up Zuko. 

Katara wondered absentmindedly if this would be their life after the war. When she caught Zuko’s eyes for a second and he flashed a grin, she certainly hoped it would always be like this. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159289198706)

It was bizarre, the way things changed. This time nine months ago, if you’d told him he’d be dining, laughing, and loving the Avatar and his friends like family, he’d have seriously thought you were mad. But now, that was just it. He was having the time of his life, despite pressures of war, with the avatar, now, simply Aang, and his friends, whom were now his. He cared about them all deeply, and it was comforting, sitting with them by the fire, laughing, chatting, and eating. He could only imagine then, how things would be after the war. Zuko only hoped that these people felt the same connection to him that he felt to them. He only hoped they wanted to stick together, if not all the time, with their busy lives, in person, at least keep up, and in heart. How quickly they all meant the world to him.

Zuko realized he was missing so much his whole life at the hands of his father, the palace, and himself. He should have realized he was wasting everything sooner. He could have had all this, and maybe Uncle would be with him. Maybe Mai would be with him. Zuko frowned at the thought, and he was shocked with his own reaction. Didn’t he want to win her back after the war? He thought he did, and he was worried deeply for her safety, but now, imagining her here seemed to put more of a damper on the mood than the looming war and potential doomsday. It was just because she didn’t know his friends, that was why it seemed weird, Zuko decided, but then, why were his eyes on Katara this entire time. Why was he blushing? 

Katara looked at him then, caught his stare, and he only could reply with one of his lopsided, cheeky grins that Mai hated so much. She always said they were smug and she wanted to wipe them clean off his face. He wondered if it was universally unappealing. His father hated it too. Zuko looked back at the fire then, taking a deep breath, shaking his head, and clearing his crowded mind full of worries, which they all had far too many of. 

Zuko hoped this could be a temporary distraction and solution as he pulled out each gift. He first pulled out the bag he held, and handing it to Toph, the rocks inside. Then, he handed Katara the carefully, handcrafted water satchel, smiling at them both, even though Toph couldn’t see. 

“Happy birthday, to you both.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159290115742)

Katara let Toph have her moment first. 

The young girl perked up immediately at Zuko’s gift, and dumped a collection of rocks into her palm. They were porous, a light grey, ashy color, and from the way Toph danced them above her fingers, Katara guessed incredibly light. 

“What—” She titled her head, trying to discern the type of stone. “Zuko, what are those made of?” 

Toph pegged one across the fire at Sokka, all the while beating Zuko to an answer. “Volcanic rock— pumice, to be exact.” She flicked her wrist, and the rock that’d left a red mark on Sokka’s forehead came flying back. Her hand dove back into the bag. 

“There’s also obsidian in here,” She produced a few new rocks, all shiny, smooth, and black. Then, her fingers disappeared and returned with a roughly hewn darker stone. “And gabbros.” 

Sokka rubbed his head, “Are these special or something?” 

“They’re only found in the Fire Nation,” Toph said, smiling in the direction of Zuko. “Thanks, Sparky. Looks like you just made the first addition to my slick rock collection. These will look wonderful next to my space rock.” 

_“Or…_ on my forehead,” Sokka feigned extreme pain and the group laughed along with him. 

They settled again and everyone’s eyes turned to Katara, though hers were already focused on the satchel in her hand. 

Her fingers traced the stitching slowly. Had it not been for the embroidered sun, she would’ve thought it Northern Water Tribe. The metal work making up the body was outstanding, the leather detailing and bright stitching was enchanting. 

She followed the red, orange, and gold thread around the front, until her fingertip reached the edge and she turned it over. The back was just as beautiful, but the scene was much different. Gold shifted to silver and the reds faded to purple then blue. A moon was centered on the satchel, stylized waves radiating out from it. 

Katara’s fingers halted their tracing and she looked up, finding nervous gold eyes trained on her. She didn’t say anything at first. She simply stood up and slung the satchel over her shoulder, then approached Zuko where he sat. Her hands reached for his, beckoning him to a stand, then her arms wrapped tight around his waist. 

She caught a surprised  _‘Oh!’_ much like she had the first time she hugged him, but she didn’t care. She just wanted him to know she was happy. _He_ made her happy. 

“Thank you, Zuko.” Katara pulled back slightly, gripping his biceps affectionately. “I mean it. I love this.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159290634766)

Zuko was overjoyed to see the happiness his gift brought Toph. He was nervous she wouldn’t like them, or care for rocks, but she seemed over the moon about them, and he was glad. Even as Sokka’s head got whacked, he knew he was glad too. Everyone seemed happy and all right, even Aang and Katara had made up, and his bracelet found her wrist where it belonged, and Zuko was content. Despite everything, the banished, treacherous prince was content. 

But, his contentment soon turned to happiness when he saw Katara’s face. He was so worried she’d not need it, or want it, or like it for that matter, after how carefully he’d chosen it, but she did. She was smiling from ear-to-ear, but not saying a word as she slung the pouch over her shoulder. And, she came over to him, and he flashed that cheeky grin his ex loathed so. 

Finally then, once again, Katara came crashing into his arms. Zuko was surprised again, but his arms wrapped around hers, memorizing her scent, and the way she felt in his sturdy arms. He was scared when he realized without much thought that he wanted to stay in those arms forever. 

He caught her blue eyes, so radiant and joyful looking into his own, which held reflections of the fire. She loved it, and Zuko was thrilled. “I’m so glad! I was worried you mightn’t need it!” Zuko spoke, smiling, “Happy birthday, _Kat_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159421287437)

She’d loosened her hold on him, but hadn’t entirely let go. Time seemed _slow,_ almost. Zuko smiled down at her and Katara stared back. Her stomach was doing flips. She knew _why,_ but she hated paying attention to it. 

A crush… a little attraction… she knew it could blossom into something far bigger. She had Aang as the perfect example of such a thing happening. The thing was, Aang was a safe choice for her. He’d love her and try his best to make her happy, even if she couldn’t always be _exactly_ herself. 

Zuko, though, he wasn’t safe. Not in the way that she feared him turning on her or hurting her… She could just tell, if they were from a little town in the Earth Kingdom, they’d be happy together. No, he scared her in the way that she might never be able to pursue anything with him, that they wouldn’t last because of their stations in life. 

Her face flamed, her chest tightening— _why was she even thinking about this?_

Katara pulled away from him, still smiling, but blushing and finding it hard to meet his gaze. “I— really, it’s perfect.” She fingered the intricate thread work, again. “I’m excited to train and fight with it.” 

She stumbled away from him and sat down again, ignoring Zuko’s imploring stare. Instead, Katara accepted a cup of rice wine from Suki. Somehow, her friend just knew— despite Katara not even drinking before— that something warm and bubbly in her belly was exactly what she needed. And, a distraction from her pink cheeks would be nice, too. 

Katara raised the cup, “To birthdays… and new friends,” then took a big gulp. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159424956961)

Zuko wanted to stay in her comforting embrace for all of eternity. He could feel their stares, and could almost hear the shouts, imploring them to let go. But instead, Zuko just held her tighter. She eventually just pulled back, and Zuko got lost in those damn eyes, yet again. He swore the ocean was in her eyes. Every time he looked, he swore he saw a deeper shade of blue, and another story inside. His heart warmed and fluttered as he held her hands, pulled apart from their embrace. 

This was more than he ever felt around Mai— ever. He wanted to be with her, he thought she was beautiful, intelligent, kind, brave, and a lot of fun. He could talk about his childhood with her, and throw her into the ocean, laughing until their sides hurt. She was the only person he could do that with, and it scared him to death. Zuko’s heart was pounding in his chest now, but it still felt so, so light. 

Katara could never feel this way about him. Could she? She’d said she felt shaky about her feelings about Aang, but she still cuddled up to him, and kept him close, and talked to him all the time. He was certain she still had feelings for him, regardless of the difficulty involved. Zuko decided it was hopeless to even bother with his feelings, no matter how strong they were rapidly growing. He would be proud and lucky to call her a good friend, and he could go back to Mai. 

He was the fire lord’s son. He was the son of the most evil man alive, that they were looking to fight. Zuko had chased them around the world, and hurt her and her friends and family. He had the blood of tyrants and genocidal megalomaniacs. Zuko wanted to go off and retire to the hillsides of the Fire Nation helping out there, but he would go anywhere. He would go anywhere she wanted. He would retire to the snowy village in the South with her– for her, despite the cold. Zuko shook his head then- why would he even think like this? This would never even come to. 

So Zuko stepped back, and sat by the fire. He was quiet the rest of the night, watching her sip at that drink. It was weak for Fire Nation liquor. Usually they drank red wines, but they were all just kids. Katara was fifteen, the pink, bubbly champagne was more than enough, and proved to be so as well as she was hiccuping and stammering and rambling. Zuko and Aang were the only ones left as the night dragged on. The rest tumbled sleepily to bed, but they both refused to leave Katara’s side.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159425974257)

“Tara,” Aang gently pulled her empty cup away, his eyes concerned, “I think you should go to bed… you’ve a lot to drink.” 

With the rest of the champagne and her glass in his possession, the young monk stood up, his hand outstretched in an offer to help her stand. Katara just glared, belligerent. 

“Who do you think you are?” She griped, now turning away and staring out over the ocean. “You’re not my dad, Aang. Even if you were, you can’t exactly tell me what to do. You weren’t around for any of my life. Absent parents get no authority.” 

He squinted at her. confused. “What?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Something made her mood sour. Katara frowned, glancing at Aang, then back at the sand. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t necessarily want to stay put, either. The waves were reminding her of ships and the thought of ships seemed to be forcing images of her dad sailing away through her head. 

Katara stood up, ignoring Aang’s hand, and the boys all together for that matter. “I’m going for a walk. Leave me alone.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159429756941)

Zuko didn’t want to interfere in the uncomfortable and tense exchange, so he simply poked the sand and fire with a stick, moving shells around in the sand. The shells reminded him of the day on this very beach with Mai, and how she was not very fond of the shells he offered her. He sighed, and he wanted to hide as Aang and drunk Katara bickered. He had nothing to offer. 

But, when Katara stood, stumbling, and going off about a walk, Zuko knew he couldn’t let her go off alone. She was drunk, and he was not going to let a drunk, fifteen-year-old Water Tribe girl roam around Fire Nation shores in the dead of night, no matter how powerful she was. “Kat… I’m gonna come with you,” Zuko spoke. “I’ll trail behind if you want, but… it’s late… so I’m just going to go with you- I… I can’t let you go out alone right now.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159430298602)

Katara waved a hand flippantly. Even drunk, she knew Zuko was as stubborn as a mule. If he wanted to come, he would, and she was far too inebriated to stop him. At least he wouldn’t be griping at her to stop drinking and go to sleep like she wasn’t a young woman with rights and privileges. 

Still, she didn’t exactly stop herself from throwing a barrage of water in Zuko’s direction. She missed, lucky for him, and gave up. 

Katara spun back around, marching off across the sands in the direction of nowhere. She was fully aware of him behind her. The moon was full and his heart was as loud and annoying as his footsteps. 

“You know, being the Blue Spirit and all, I thought you’d walk a lot lighter.”

She didn’t turn to look, but Katara could practically feel the shift in his steps. The rustle of disturbed sand barely reached her now. She glanced back at him, one, because she wanted to know if he was still there, and two, because she was curious if he’d have that lopsided grin or melancholy stare. 

Katara was surprised to find something of smirk. “Are you looking at my ass, fireboy?” 

She put an exaggerated swing in her step, making her hips sway far more than necessary. Even in the dark, she could see his cheeks turn pink. 

“You were!” Katara laughed, if not completely over her mood swing, at least happy it was forgotten for now. She halted, turning around and waiting for him to catch up. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Don’t worry— I won’t tell if you don’t.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159430495131)

Zuko was exhausted. Aang angrily trudged off to bed, and he wanted to. But,  he was not about to leave Katara out here alone, and he knew finding a needle in a haystack would be easier than convincing her to go to bed if she wanted to take a walk. He refused to not follow though, it wasn’t safe, and he wasn’t letting up on that. Zuko trekked through the sand, dodging her flick of seawater, and cursing beneath his breath. If she wasn’t drunk, he’d likely have tossed her in. 

But, her next sudden comment, had him dead in his tracks. His face went a hundred shades of red in less than a second. Zuko began stuttering. He truly was not. He was watching the ground as he walked in bare feet through the murky sand, with a flame in his hand, going back and forth, glancing upwards to make sure she didn’t step or fall into anything, either. But, her comment had him incredibly flustered. 

“I was not! I– I wouldn’t even have time! I’m trying to make sure you’re _drunk ass_ doesn’t fall on your face!” Zuko shouted back as he marched over, holding his flame. “Spirits, _Katara_ , how long are you going to walk?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159430954387)

“You wouldn’t have _the time?_ ” Katara repeated his words, scowling at him from beneath thick lashes. “My ass isn’t good enough that it warrants three seconds from you?” 

She scoffed, meaning to take a step away from him, but ultimately toppling over. Zuko tried to catch her, he really did. They both ended up in the sand anyways. 

“You might not have been looking at it then, but I know you have before,” she muttered. She meant it as a teasing jab, but the words came out dark, like she was angry with him. 

Katara shook her head… that wasn’t it. She wanted him there. She was glad to have him sitting on the beach beside her— the emotions that came with him, however, she could’ve done without. He made her giddy and nervous and sad all at once, sent her heart racing with simple glances. 

She met his eyes now, one look making her acutely aware of every place his body touched hers. Their shoulders brushed… their arms, their hips. His hand was so close to hers in the sand behind them, Katara felt her fingers aching. 

She forced her gaze to the sea. “You know, before you found my dad at the Boiling Rock, before the invasion… I hadn’t seen him in over two years.”

“He just _left_ after my mom died, went off to fight in the war and barely came back.” Katara hugged her knees to her chest. “It hurts sometimes, but I can’t really fault him for it. He loved my mom.” 

“They used to be inseparable.” Katara sniffed a little. She wanted comfort, honestly, but couldn’t bring herself to _ask_ Zuko for it, so she just laid her head on his shoulder. “Do you think I”ll ever meet someone like that? Someone who loses a piece of themselves when I’m gone? Someone who never wants to be far away?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159431261421/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko was far too flustered to address this whole drunken stilt about him staring at her. His face was bright red and he was just going to ignore it until she dropped it. She seemed all annoyed with him, and he decided to pass it off to her being drunk. He figured he was spot on the moment she began to topple over, and he jumped without a moment’s hesitation to catch her. He’d take any fall for her, he realized. Always- he’d take the landing if it meant it’d cushion any fall for her. He didn’t know what that meant about them or for them, but he knew he was lying tangled up in her arms, and she was the one with the easy escape, but instead, she opted out of that, and lied on his shoulders as she dragged him up with her, and they sat in the sand with nothing but the sound of crashing waves between them. 

Zuko’s heart was nervously pounding in his chest from being so close, and he swore he was holding his breath until she spoke. He hesitantly wrapped his arm around her, and her words tugged at his heart. “I’m sorry… that must’ve been so hard,” Zuko whispered. “I… I know how you feel… I hadn’t seen my father in three years, no matter how much he didn’t even want to see me… or how stupid I was for even wanting to see him… I wanted to see him… I missed him… I don’t know why, I’m an idiot, I guess, but I did,” he replied. “It must’ve hurt even worse… your father’s a good man– a very good man,” Zuko whispered. This time, he wasn’t really afraid to admit to Katara that he had cared about his father, he still did, reluctantly. But, he didn’t fear her reaction, not anymore– he didn’t know what that meant for them either.

At her next probing, he wanted to tell her she already had two people just like that, but he was shocked at his own instant thought so much, he decided against it. Besides, he still didn’t really know what to make of Katara’s feelings towards him. Right now, didn’t count. She was drunk. He went with the easier answer instead: reassurance. It wasn’t a lie, either. 

“Of course you’ll meet someone like that, Kat,” Zuko promised. “You’re clever, brave, loving, kind, selfless, funny, and- on top if it all, you’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky as hell to have you,” Zuko spoke. “Trust me.”


	17. These Hopes We Hold, Part 8

 

 

“Hey, idiots!” 

Katara blinked, sat up, then blinked again. The sun was blinding. It sparkled on the ocean, turned the sand a brilliant white. She turned her aching eyes from the diamond surface, wincing as she focused on the shape of her brother. 

“Sokka? What—” She glanced around wildly, spotting Zuko stirring in the sand next to her— “What the hell? Did we sleep here?” 

Sokka shrugged, though she noticed he looked smug. She groaned and flopped back in the sand. This, her _bed_ next to the firebender on the beach, would likely be the running joke between her brother and Suki and Toph for the next month. 

She prayed silently for the comet to land on Sokka’s head, glaring at him. “Do you need something? If not, I’m requesting eggs… a side of bacon… and maybe a cup of grease.”

_“Hah!_ Yeah, right… maybe talk to Suki about that.” He laughed, then seemed to take a second thought. “Actually… you’d have better luck asking Toph. Suki couldn’t cook to save her life. Anyways—” 

His hands flashed from behind his back, producing a colorful flyer stretched between his fingers. 

“Aang went to the market this morning, and found this! The Ember Island Players in…” Sokka made a fake drumroll on his thighs, “The Boy in the Iceberg! I’m proposing a field trip! The next show is in two weeks.” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159438250481)

Zuko was exhausted. He wasn’t sure how long they’d been talking, but eventually, they both must’ve passed out. Zuko awoke in a daze, he was sandy and sunburnt and achy. He looked around, squinting, and saw Katara beside him, and his eyes went wide. He now knew why Sokka was teasing them so, and his face instantly reddened. 

“Sokka!” Zuko exclaimed, then looking at Katara, “Kat!” he yelled, but it was choked in surprise. He was glad when Sokka ignored him, and started rambling. He pulled out some brochure, no, a poster, and Zuko instantly laid back in the sand, groaning at the sight. 

“Ugh! The Ember Island Players? My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered Love Amongst the Dragons every year!” Zuko complained.

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159439578492)

“Are they really that bad?” Katara asked, standing, albeit wobbly, and taking the poster from Sokka. “They look like a professional group… it says here they’ve won some awards!” 

She looked at her brother, “Had you asked the others? Is everyone on board?”

He nodded, his hands on his hips, and Katara smiled apologetically. “Sorry, Zuko. Looks like we’re going… at least we’ll be able to get out of the house for a bit.”

////////////

Two weeks later, as the sun was setting, the group gathered on the steps outside Zuko’s beach home. They’d chosen more casual attire, so as to not stand out from other vacationers, although Aang wore a hat and Zuko covered up with a black cloak. 

“We all look great,” Katara said, straightening her simple red crop top as she set off in the direction of town. “It’s going to be a fun night, I promise.” 

Sokka, Suki, and Toph believed her, of course. They happily paced ahead, laughing and joking together. Aang sulked behind them… he’d been sullen lately, with the comet coming closer, his training getting harder, and… well, Katara took up stride next to Zuko, checking off the third thing that was likely bothering her friend. 

She couldn’t be too concerned about it— they had things to focus on. Even she and Zuko seemed to have some kind of silent agreement. Whatever their stolen looks were, whatever the blushing meant, the lingering touches, the late night conversations, they didn’t bring it up. 

At least, Katara hoped it was a silent agreement. She hoped she wasn’t deluding herself into thinking he felt something, too. 

_‘Another reason to keep quiet,’_ she grumbled under her breath, throwing Zuko a side glance before she raised her voice, “Are you even the least bit excited?” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159440465316)

Zuko was dreading this play since the moment Sokka persisted on it. The day had finally arrived, and they were just days from Sozin’s Comet. That made Zuko all the more nervous for what was about to all unfold. The last thing the exiled prince wanted to do was watch some horrid play about Aang and be reminded of past family events. It all sounded horrific, but he just simply pouted, and trudged along. 

Zuko had to keep his hood up high, and conceal himself completely. It was very risky, going into town. But, still yet, Zuko reluctantly tagged along, walking in stride with Katara- wondering what was on her mind. The late night conversations, the teasing, the way her hand would brush up his arm, or the night he fell asleep on the sofa in her room, the way he caught her staring, or blushing with him– he wondered if there was more there, or if it was all just wishful thinking. However, there was really no time to be wondering about such things, not when the Comet was only days away. 

“I’m the opposite of excited,” Zuko grumbled back in a vexed retort. “This is going to be awful. They’re always awful. But, about you guys? You’re gonna hate it. Sokka is gonna hate it. Anyone with taste, eyes, or ears is gonna hate it.”

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159459057372)

_“Wow…”_ Katara’s eyes widened at the flare in his temper, her stomach twisting with a mixture of hurt and irritation. She bit down a harsh comment about his attitude being the only thing she hated. “You might be surprised. Sokka loves just about anything that features one of his favorite things: meat, weapons, or himself.” 

She didn’t turn her head, instead just peeking at him with a quick glade. She hoped teasing her brother would crack a smile across Zuko’s grim face, but it didn’t. He remained entirely impassive, if not _scowling_ the second he caught her looking at him. 

Katara swallowed, “Sorry— **_Damn_**.” 

So much for being friends, _or whatever the hell they were._ With a few quicker strides, she outpaced him and caught up to Toph and Aang.

//////////////

The sun had set by the time they reached the theater. Sokka handed over six tickets and an usher led the group to the top of the box seats. 

Toph griped as she took her seat. “Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can’t see a thing from up here!” 

“Don’t worry.” Katara found a place next her. She situated her skirts as she sat, her eyes on Aang and Zuko. “I’ll tell your feet what’s happening.” 

“Yeah… if you can keep your eyes on the play…” 

Katara felt her face heat, though she tried to pay Toph’s comment no attention. There was no doubt the girl felt her heart picking up… from the weird fear that Zuko would sit next to her and an equally nauseating fear that he wouldn’t. 

She was still staring in the direction of the prince and the young monk, catching a little scuffle before Zuko swept passed Aang and huffed down in the seat next to her. 

_“Uhh…”_ Aang just stood there, looking at them both, doing his best to seem innocent, though his grey eyes were turning stormy. “I wanted to sit there.”

Zuko flipped his hood down to reveal even more of his annoyed scowl. The scent of sandalwood and Fire Nation spices washed over her, and Katara decided she didn’t care how irritable Zuko was at the moment. He not only smelled good, he seemed hellbent on keeping his seat and the relentless airbender at bay. 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159461975911)

Zuko was grumpier going into the theater then, Katara was annoyed with him, and he didn’t know why. Did she want him to be excited about going to a theater full of awful memories, and worse, nostalgic ones? His mother used to come here, all excited, and his father would call it stupid the whole time, and Zuko would actually laugh along until they got home and his father berated his mother the whole night for enjoying such stupidity until she broke down in tears. Not to mention, the trope was actually awful and lacked any talent. 

Still nonetheless, Zuko went to sit beside her until Aang started making such a fuss. Zuko wasn’t in the mood for his flirtatious shenanigans. “Just sit next to me. What’s the big deal?” Zuko hissed, and Aang frowned, and Zuko felt a bit bad, but Aang promptly sat beside him. 

The play opened with showing Aang being found in the iceberg. Katara was there, and she was crying about hope, and Sokka was making… even stupider jokes. These ones were just bad– tastlelessly bad. At least Sokka’s had taste, even if they weren’t good. Zuko sighed, leaning into his hand. That was when he came into play, and he was overdramatic and awful, and Zuko rolled his eyes. 

“They make me look totally stiff and humorless!” Zuko complained, and they also made his uncle look like a moron. Katara teased him, and he snapped back– until the actor answered back with the exact same note, and he slouched in his chair, but couldn’t help but smirk back at her. 

It wasn’t until the curtain swapped to a new background, in the Fire Nation, that Zuko became confused. His uncle was talking about him in the last scene, about how he was banished, and of course, to Fire Nation propaganda, it was all his fault. 

But, he didn’t know what was going on now. It made him shift uncomfortably. An announcer came out, narrating the scene. 

_‘The story of Prince Zuko’s banishment that lead to his treacherous deceit!’  
_

Zuko’s chest felt heavy and he slumped lower in his seat, tugging up his cloak in dread. The scene showed a young Zuko coming out, looking frail and small, and he was also played by a woman. He was whining, and crying– and acting like a brat. 

_‘Dad! This meeting is boring and awful! Your plans suck, and I could be a better fire lord than you! Let’s Agni Kai for the throne!’_ the young actor Zuko declared at a table of generals. The real Zuko hid his face, knowing this was just simply false. 

The actors then were at a stage– and they fought before Zuko threw himself on the ground, whining like an infant who needed her diaper changed. Zuko wanted to disappear. The entire crowd was laughing hysterically, and it made him sick. Ozai laughed, and then took artificial fire to the actor Zuko’s face, and Zuko just whined, and sniveled on the ground, and the crowd applauded, laughing– and Zuko couldn’t take it anymore, he had to get out. The room felt small and enclosed, and he needed air– he bolted from his seat to the veranda then without a word in the boisterous theater.

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159462501562)

As soon as the scene shifted, drifting back in time with a voice-over to explain Zuko’s history, Katara felt sick. Her stomach sank like a bottomless pit, nausea swirling and threatening her recent dinner. She remembered this story— he’d told her in the catacombs and now, he was reliving it. 

_She’d brought him here. She’d insisted he come._

Zuko bolted from his seat, not before snarling under his breath and radiating a heat so fierce she thought his skin would ignite. Her eyes followed him, her mouth hanging open. 

“I have to go,” she nudged Toph, “I’m sorry. Get closer to Aang. He’ll tell you what’s going on.” 

“What?” The monk looked at her like she had three heads. “You’re leaving? It’s just getting interesting, Tara.” 

“It’s not!” She snapped and brushed past him. “Be quiet and help Toph. I’ll be back in a bit.” 

Katara ditched her seat and darted through the curtains, which were still flapping in the wake of Zuko’s leave. Her eyes adjust slowly to the hall lights. She squinted and looked around, spotting him at the far end, through two double doors, on a balcony. 

Guilt filled her belly, her fingers landing delicately on the bare skin of her navel, like that’d somehow dissuade her body from hurling. She couldn’t believe she’d done this to him. Plus, she could tell from his stance that he was livid— she figured him yelling at her would be justified. 

Nervously, Katara stepped outside beside him, her eyes soft and voice softer, “Zuko?” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159462964291)

Zuko just wanted out– and fast. He stood by the veranda, his hands clutching the railings tightly until his knuckles bled white, and his breath was heavy, and there were unshed tears sparkling in his gold eyes. When she came up beside him, he was ashamed of the state he was in. It was weak, and pathetic- like the Zuko in the play. He didn’t want to corroborate that vision to her. Mai would have thought this was funny too. She’d tell him to lighten up, it’s just a joke. Maybe he should lighten up, maybe that’s what they were all thinking. Zuko couldn’t, though. He could not lighten up, not about this. 

He turned his head from her, and spoke like he was talking to the pole as his voice wavered. “That isn’t what happened, you know?” he snapped, rubbing furiously at his eyes. “That’s not… none of it’s true,” he snarled. “It was a war meeting!” he cried, his voice cracking. “I wanted to listen in! I wanted to learn about being fire lord… I was excited, thinking he’d actually pass the throne to me… but I was thirteen, and stupid– he was going to sacrifice the soldiers. I couldn’t… I couldn’t listen to that… it was wrong!” Zuko yelled, ranting at the sky when he finally turned his head, looking at her. 

“I couldn’t! But… apparently it was disrespectful, so I was challenged to an Agni Kai… a firebending duel! But, I – I thought it was against the general I interrupted, since I spoke over him! Not my father! But, it was his meeting! I- I didn’t know! I never would’ve agreed to it then!” Zuko cried, his voice breaking again the more he relived each moment. It was like he could see it all unfolding before his eyes. He could see the flash of fire, smell the burning flesh, hear the crowd, hear his father’s booming voice in the echoing arena. 

“I begged him to stop! I begged- I apologized… it didn’t matter! I tried, Kat! I did! I didn’t know! Was that stupid? Was I stupid? I don’t know! But, that stage lied… I– I… my father then, he came at me he said ‘I will teach you respect, and suffering will be your teacher’… I- I remember it… clear as day, and then… he burnt me,” Zuko’s voice got quieter as he relived the moment he’d blocked off from his mind so long, burying it to avoid the nightmares that accompanied it. His fingers trailed down his scarred flesh. 

“It was the most painful thing I’ve ever felt… inside and out,” he murmured. “Aside from losing Mom…” he whispered, and a tear finally fell from his undamaged eye. “It was like nothing else, I could smell it, and feel it… and I couldn’t breathe, and I begged him to put it out, but he left it burning my skin… and he laughed, like the people in the stands… he laughed, and shoved me off my knees, and watched my scream and cry and beg… and everyone watched… my uncle- if it weren’t for him, I’d be dead. He took me to the physician… I almost died… the next morning, I was banished- he told me… I- I couldn’t come home unless I brought home the Avatar… only now can I admit to myself that Aang was gone 100 years and my father never expected him to show up,” Zuko scoffed, tears flowing quietly. 

“I’m a mess, Kat. My life… me… I’m nothing more than a satire piece for this play to all of my people. This is why I can’t– I can’t be fire lord. It has to be Uncle… you… I told you this before, not… in detail, but that I was burnt, and banished, and… you must know– you must see now, that I _can’t_ be fire lord.”

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159463486442)

Katara took his hand from his face— she could see in the way his fingers clawed at the scar that he was feeling the pain of the fire all over again. She didn’t want him to _feel_  it more than he had to. The scar was a part of him, yes, but it wasn’t ugly. It wasn’t the mark of the banished prince as he claimed. It was just… _him._

_“Zuko…”_

She tried to soothe him, holding his hand in both of hers, watching him attentively. She didn’t shush him, however. Katara let him talk, let him rant and rage and explain what she already knew… that he was young and kind and tenderhearted. He still was, in her mind. It’d just been buried by the abuse he wouldn’t speak of, but was evident in how he expected the worst from everyone. 

Everyone but her, that was… her and his new friends. 

He actually seemed happy with them. She wanted him to cling to that, to remember that he’d always have a home with them, especially when he claimed he was just a satire for his people. 

“Zuko.” This time, she said his name harshly, cutting off the rambling slander against his own person. “Zuko, listen to me. I know that wasn’t you. The play is a… a cruel rendition, clearly. It’s meant to make the Fire Lord look like the hero, but I know that the hero is you.” 

She had his attention, finally. Katara held it by keeping his hand in one of hers, and reaching up to hold his chin. 

“Whether the Fire Lord is your uncle or you…” Her thumb traced the edge of his scar. “I’ll support you, if you claim the throne. We’ll all support you.” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159463852221)

A part of him was shocked Katara was still listening, another wasn’t. He didn’t know which was more warming. He was shocked because it seemed so unlikely that anyone would follow him, or care that this happened, or be on his side– but it didn’t seem so unlikely when he thought of his new friends– and especially Katara, and it made him happy. 

When Katara touched his face, Zuko took her hand, holding it close to his face as she caressed the harsh ridges of his face. He closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling. She wasn’t pitying him- the touch felt only of acceptance. No one but her had ever touched his scar with deliberation before. This was the second time, and again- it was her. Zuko’s heart skipped a beat, and he wondered why she didn’t find it as grotesque as everyone else seemed to. 

Another tear rolled out of his eye, and he tried to pass it off as a lingering tear from pain, but this time- he was touched by her words. She thought he was a hero? She was going to support him– they all would- regardless of where he landed? It all sounded too good to be true, and he felt beyond lucky for his makeshift, new, little family. 

“I–” Zuko began, he had a thousand things to say in response to all this, but instead, he decided to cease his ramblings. “ _Thank you_ , Katara.”

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159464170442)

“Don’t thank _me…_ ” she muttered, looking away. Katara dropped her fingers from his face, though she kept her hold on his hand. “I’m the one who basically forced you here. I didn’t realize they’d go _that_ far. So, _I’m sorry_ … I really am.” 

Her gaze drifted back up to his, a shy smile lighting up her lips. “If it’s worth anything, you might be stiff and humorless most of the time, but when you do let loose, it’s really great.” Katara blushed, turning to look out over the sea. “And, if I’m being completely honest, I like you either way— uptight _and_ sarcastic.”

She sighed, finally releasing him, “I have to get back inside… Toph needs me to _translate_ and Aang is… probably throwing a fit.” Katara rolled her eyes, her hand pressed to her forehead. “I’ll miss you in there, but don’t come back until you’re ready, okay?” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159464431201/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko smiled at her as she smiled back, and he felt better, despite the pounding in his heart at the thought of everyone laughing and the replay of the most traumatic memory of his life. “No, don’t be sorry– I didn’t even think they’d go this far,” Zuko murmured. “I’m sorry if you thought I was mad at you earlier. I just didn’t want to go… this place, besides the play… it makes me sad the same reasons my mother’s room does,” he explained, “It wasn’t about you, Kat,” he assured her, giving her hand a squeeze. 

He laughed at her teasing, blushing a little, and her words genuinely touched him. “I like you too, bossy and teasing,” he added in reply, smirking at her in that lopsided grin as she then began to trail their hands apart, and he nodded, smirking and giving her a little wave as she went back to her seat, thankful she welcomed him to breathe- gave him the permission to let go of the pressure to go back right in. 

Zuko leaned on the rail, and took a deep breath, feeling still so shaken inside, but a smile formed on his face, his fingers trailing down his scar, but this time from the tingle of her lingering touch. He laughed warmly, wondering what she thought of him- if she could ever find him attractive, despite the mark. He thought she was stunning– everyone did, they had eyes. He wondered if she’d ever think he was any good looking, or if she could ever look passed it, maybe. But, he worried if him and him bared alone was enough. Katara had it all– she was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and more than that– he was falling hard and fast for all she was, first and foremost, and now it was growing deeper and he was horrified for a crash landing.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159439578492)

 

 

Katara came back to seat just as Sokka’s portrayal entered the scene, dressed head to toe in one of the Kyoshi Warrior uniforms. She had to admit, while the uniform seemed spot on, even _her brother_ had managed to make it more dignified than the bafoon on stage. 

“Does this dress make my butt look fat?!”

The actor wiggled around, and the real Team laughed… all with the exception of Sokka, who sunk lower in his seat with his arms over his chest. 

Toph smirked, “Lighten up, Sokka. Your butt looks fabulous.” 

“You can’t even see!” He hissed.

Sokka wasn’t the lone joke, however. The scene cut to Omasha, complete with girl-Aang dodging Bumi’s giant rabbit, and Katara’s own portrayal swaying and crying and all but _fainting_ in a case of fake stalagmite.

“What the—” Katara grimaced, then turned bright red as Zuko returned to his seat next to her. He looked lighter. He was even smiling at the dramatic woman on stage. 

She threw him a sharp look. “I do _not_ behave that like that.” 

Her cheeks burned even darker, however, when the stalagmite was broken, her character managed to steal the waterbending scroll, and then proceeded to sob over it. 

“It just gave me so much hope!” 

Katara crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. Zuko’s words rang in her ears,   _bossy and teasing_. After all this, she wondered if he thought anything else of her. Perhaps annoying and over-the-top and _oh so_ hopeful.

She wasn’t given much time to ponder on it. Aang’s captivity in Zhao’s fortress came up, complete with the Blue Spirit _and_ stage Zuko. 

“The Avatar is mine!” 

Katara felt him cringe next her, so she placed a hand over his on the bench, hoping he’d be in the mood for friendly teasing. “In all fairness, that _does_ sound a lot like the old you.” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159466366016)

This entire play was a disaster. Even if he didn’t know the tale, or who was being mocked, it was still just poorly put together. Zuko had taken a secret liking to theater. He read plays in his spare time, and in his banishment, and they gave him a sense of comfort and a distraction from his pain. He stole books from around around the world, and read them at every corner of it. He knew this was a shoddy cad of a performance. But, he still found himself now smirking at some of it, despite the mockery of his abuse that was in bad taste. He wondered what his friends thought of it… he wondered if they thought less of him, or believed that was the true tale of his banishment. 

His racing thoughts were brought back to the sham of a show, and Katara’s hand on his own as he leaned his ear over and she whispered in it. He smirked, “The old me is still me,” he said seriously, but through a laugh. He wondered why he said that. He wanted her to like him… didn’t he? She hated what would be considered the ‘old Zuko’. But… maybe he wanted a full acceptance of who he was: past, present, and future. Maybe he wanted to give her a fair warning because he cared. Maybe both. Zuko shook his head, looking back at the play. “This whole thing is ridiculous,” he chuckled. “I tried to warn all of you– well, except Toph, she likes it,” he spoke, nodding upwards toward her after her own character took stage as a muscular superstar throwing out witty comments. 

Zuko just thanked the Spirits when the intermission rolled around, wondering why on Earth they were staying through the whole thing. 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159469203347)

The lights came up and Katara breathed a sigh of relief. 

Every scene for the last fifteen minutes had to have been— _spirits, she hoped it was_ — a complete and total joke. Stage Katara had spent the entirety of her time in the Catacombs smacking on a very ridiculous Prince Zuko. In fact, the romantic portrayal was so over the top, Katara wondered how the girl hadn’t ended up _pregnant_ by the end of the scene. 

The audience may have groaned at intermission, but she… she was up and out the door just trying to _think._  

Her fingers clutched the balcony, the same balcony she’d found Zuko on, and her mind _spun._ The Catacombs hadn’t been like that at all… was she like that now? She- she couldn’t be that obvious, _could she_? 

Tui and La, _what a mess._

Katara’s lips pressed together, making the thinnest of lines in her tension. She searched for answers in the waves below, or at least some _solace_ that her pink cheeks would abate before running into Zuko again. 

“It doesn’t help that he’s sitting right next to me!” She complained, flipping off the ocean. 

“Uhh, _what?”_

She whirled around, half expecting the Prince, and only barely hiding her disappointment. “Oh— hey, Aang.” 

He shrugged, giving her a put-out look. Light steps took him to the balcony’s railing beside her, which he leaned against, doing his best to seem casual. Katara blinked at him, waiting, but not offering anything. 

“Katara,” he finally broke their silence, “did you really mean what you said in there?

“In where? What are you talking about?” She scowled.

“On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.”

Katara rolled her eyes. “I didn’t say that, Aang. An actor did.” 

Her friend hesitated at first. She assumed he was grasping the truth of her statement, yet, she wasn’t surprised when Aang pressed on. 

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Sad, grey eyes turned upwards, his lashes practically _quivering_ with the threat of tears. “We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.”

“A lot’s changed, Aang.” Katara looked down. Her hands fidgeted on the railing. Her mind wrestled with all the differences between then and now. She was stronger, for one, and bolder _. She’d_ changed. She wasn’t always the mom of the group anymore. She had someone who looked at her and treated her like a smart, pretty, fifteen year old girl. “I just don’t know.” 

“Why don’t you know?!”

She turned to look at him, registering the familiar possessiveness in his eyes— the possessiveness that drove him to nod when stage Zuko said she was _the Avatar’s girl._  

Katara was on the verge of snapping. “We’re in the middle of a war, and, we have other things to worry about. This isn’t the right time!”

“Well,” Aang gestured flippantly, waving through the air around him, “When is the right time?”

A sigh forced its way passed her lips, huffing out in the air, humid and _frustrated._

“Aang, I’m sorry, but right now I’m just a little confused.”

He bit his lip, and she thought the conversation over, until his eyes flicked down to her mouth. She knew what was happening long before he started, yet, somehow, she didn’t even register her brain _screaming_ that she move. A sticky, warm lips pressed to hers, hard and insistent and _annoying_.

Katara yanked back, shouting, “I just said I was confused!” 

She kept waiting for the guilt to come, but it didn’t. Even as his face fell and his eyes flashed with rejection and pain. She didn’t even care that he looked hurt. Katara shook her head and turned away. 

“I’m going inside.“

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159470453516)

This whole play was just reminding Zuko of all the mistakes he ever made. They were taking every little thing he’d ever done and rubbing in the guilt he felt now more than ever. He’d made an an enumerated amount of mistakes in his life, and he didn’t like having each one slapped in his face, nicely stored aside his horrid childhood and the worst days of his life– being used as slapstick comedy entertainment for the hoi polloi. 

He was slumped against the wall, annoyed and wanting to go home with his friends. Those nights were always so much better anyway. Everyone seemed to somewhat agree because they’d stormed off in anger. That left Toph and Zuko sitting together alone as the passerby giggle and ate fire flakes, popcorn, and cottoncandy. 

“Geez, everyone’s getting so upset about their characters. Even you seem more down than usual, and that’s saying something!” Toph commented to Zuko, and he sighed deeply, though she kept her teasing uplifting.

“You don’t get it, it’s different for you. You get a muscly version of yourself, taking down ten bad guys at once, and making sassy remarks,” Zuko replied as Toph slid down the wall to sit next to him. Though she teased him, it was starkly different than Mai’s ridicule. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty great!” Toph retorted with a smirk. 

“But for me, it takes all the mistakes I’ve made in my life, and shoves them back in my face. My uncle, he’s always been on my side, even when things were bad. He was there for me, he taught me so much, and how do I repay him? With a knife in his back. It’s my greatest regret, and I may never get to redeem myself,” Zuko opened up to her, surprised at how much he trusted the young girl, and how much she listened and genuinely cared. 

“ You have redeemed yourself to your uncle. You don’t realize it, but you already have,” Toph reassured him.

“How do you know?” replied Zuko, removing his hood in curiosity. The sound of his uncle made his heart race in worry and guilt and too, deep, familial love. 

“Because I once had a long conversation with the guy, and all he would talk about was you!” Toph explained, smiling, and it was extremely contagious. 

Zuko shot up instantly, looking at her with eyes that probed for more, though it fell on deaf ears. “Really?”

“Yeah, and it was kind of annoying,” she grumbled back, making Zuko sink back down, feeling bad that his uncle had rambled off about _him_. 

Toph shook her head, clarifying with a tenderhearted smile, But it was also very sweet. All your uncle wanted was for you to find your own path, and see the light. Now you’re here with us. He’d be proud,” she promised him, and Zuko’s heart warmed in more than one way. He was touched his uncle loved him so, and he was also touched that he’d found such a true friend in Toph– as she then went punching his arm as Zuko yelled, asking what on Earth she did that for, and she clarified her odd showing of affection, as a viewer then ran by. He shouted that Zuko’s costume was “wrong” and he grumbled, tugging up his cloak, as they headed right back into the horrid theater. 

Zuko sat down beside Katara, and both Katara and Aang looked miserable. He knew they were together. 

“Katara? Did something happen? Are you okay?

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159471374847)

Katara looked sideways at him. It was all she could manage. Aang was sitting on her right, crowding her in, and now, with Zuko on her left, she felt suffocated. If her throat was tight before, she had no doubt it was collapsing in on itself at this very moment.

“It’s nothing, just—” She shook her head, her eyes going back to the closed curtains. “Let it go.”

She sensed Aang looking at her, too. Katara’s nostrils flared with a sharp intake of breathe. She pushed out of her seat, “ _Excuse me.”_

///////////////

Katara heard Zuko in the hall behind her. _Of course_ , he’d followed. She was grateful for it, but still sick. She couldn’t turn around to face him, not when her cheeks were wet.

He waited silently, however, giving her patience and space. That made her crack.

“All I said was that I’m confused,” she murmured, her eyes on the floor. Tears graced her cheeks, lined up along her chin and splattered to the red carpet. “I didn’t mean to hurt him or make him angry… he just _kissed_ me… out of the blue!”

Katara glanced over her shoulder, finding him closer than she thought. Turning fully around, she wiped at her eyes, though it was hardly any use. 

“He’s twelve,” she admitted, sniffing. Somehow, someway, it had to be her fault, right? She sure felt like it was her fault. “I know… but, I didn't want to be kissed.” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159473255711)

Katara looked incredibly uneasy. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he wanted to help. Zuko pushed past, following her as she left the hall. He hated this so-called performance anyway. He’d rather be with her. Besides, she was there for him when he was upset. It was the very least he could do.

She finally turned around to speak, and Zuko looked at her- confused as she said she was. When she began to cry, Zuko encroached on her hesitantly, his hands extended in an offer for affection she could accept or decline at will. 

Aang… kissed her? He kissed her without asking? When she didn’t want to? She said she was confused? Now- Zuko was confused. He couldn’t think of any reason why Aang would do that– and now it left her in tears. “Kat… he- he shouldn’t have done that, I don’t care how old he is,” Zuko whispered, his hand on her shoulder in comfort, giving her a squeeze. 

“He should have asked. That… I would be upset too…” he murmured, “I know what it’s like to be pushed to do something.”

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159475631287)

“It’s just not fair,” she said, her tears unceasing. She hated that he was seeing such weakness in her, but it was all too easy to let him in, to talk to him. It was even easier to lean forward into his chest. 

What may have startled him a month ago, or made him squirm at the contact, seemed to be as simple as breathing now. His hands rose to her shoulders and he held her close, letting her quiet cries soak his cloak. She let every defense down, matching her breathes to even rush of air in his lungs until she calmed.

“I just want Aang to be happy, to stay focused.” Her words were muffled by his shirt, so she leaned back, looking up at tender gold eyes. “I feel like I can’t say no to him… Is- is that what happened to you?” 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159476833171)

Zuko held her close and rubbed her back, he didn’t mind holding her for hours if need be. He wanted to hold her until her tears were gone, and he could see her eyes sparkle with their glow, instead of tears. His cheek rested on her head, and he let her cry. Sometimes, you just needed to cry. 

Zuko pulled back, holding her by her forearms, looking at her gently. “Of course, Kat, of course. We all want that for him… I want that for you too,” he spoke, giving her arms a reassuring squeeze as he looked into her eyes, moving his hands to her face, cupping her cheeks, and brushing her tears away with his thumbs. 

He looked down when she brought up what he mentioned. He didn’t want to make this about him. “Yeah…” he whispered, looking back, being able to admit it to himself now for the first time.

“But… someone should talk to Aang, Katara. He can’t do that, Avatar or not. Power or position doesn’t give people the right to take from others, especially like that. That’s worst of all… power goes to people’s heads, my father always had another woman around, and… he just thought he was entitled to having them around, and Aang would never, but it’s a slippery slope. I just– Aang shouldn’t have done that– he needs to think about how _you_ feel more, Kat.”

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159477366847)

She felt him try to pull from her grasp, likely to pull Aang out here right now and talk to him. Katara’s stomach did a flip. 

“Zuko, _no!_ ” Her fingers grabbed at his shirt, clutching it tight to keep him near. His eyes were narrow, _confused_. Katara struggled to explain. “I don’t want to make a big deal out of this— I can’t, not before the war. He has the biggest fight of his life in a week! Just—” 

She let him go, raking through her hair. She felt like a mess, probably looked the part, too. Zuko’s expression softened, though, allowing Katara enough time and courage to step close again. 

“I’m okay…” Katara cupped his chin, then pressed up on her toes, her lips pecking his cheek. “Thank you, Zuko. I mean it. I’m really glad I have you… _**we** …_ have you. 

* * *

 

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159477550281/these-hopes-we-hold)

Zuko was shocked when Katara pulled him back, and he paused, looking at her in worry. But quickly, they regained their spot close together. He nodded reluctantly, sighing because she made sense. She seemed to almost always make sense. Zuko ran his head over his forehead, and sat his arms down to rest beside him. 

He warmed at her expression, blushing as she touched him, and he felt his face heat up when she simply pecked his cheek. He chuckled, tickled pink and face glowing red. “I’m so glad I have you too… or- the group is so glad,” he clarified, still on cloud nine over this silly, little peck on the cheek. His heart was soaring, and he was so happy in that moment that he practically skipped to his seat. 

The play went on tortuously. The group was in a sour mood, and angry. Everyone felt terrible, but Zuko, for once, was the upbeat one. His head was in the clouds over Katara’s meager peck on the cheek, but it meant the world to him, even as the world was on the brink of coming to its end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus concludes, These Hopes We Hold.


	18. These Lives We've Lost, Part 1

If her father were here, he’d tell her to stop fretting. He’d put his hands on her shoulders and smile, a wise smile that crinkled his eyes and his forehead. He would tell her everything would be alright, she’ll see. 

He wasn’t here, however, and Katara didn’t think she’d believe him, anyway.

So, she paced back and forth outside the tent where Iroh slept, the tent her friend had entered an hour ago. Zuko… her friend. Sokka said she was kidding herself every time she called the jerkbender her _friend_. Katara retortedthat her friend was the future Fire Lord, so her _friend_ was all he could ever be. 

She couldn’t deny that she cared for him, though. Everyone saw it. They’d only grown more inseparable since Ember Island, since the play, since flying off to find his Uncle and the rest of the White Lotus. He’d been terrified to face Iroh again, frozen up and anxious. Katara reassured him. She knew he’d do great. Still, Zuko was one of the reasons she paced. 

Then, there was Aang… or rather, the _lack_ of Aang. The comet was due tomorrow evening and he was no where to be found. _Vanished. **Gone**._ She wondered darkly if the airbenders, on the edge of demise like the world was now, felt this same panic a hundred years ago. 

“Where is _he?!_ ” She hissed up at the full moon, begging Yue to give her some kind of guarantee that the world would be saved. “We’ve come too far. We’ve come way too far to lose it all now.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159500432296)

Zuko had missed his uncle so, so much, and when his uncle forgave him so fast, just like Katara said, Zuko couldn’t believe it. He was elated, and sobbing, and he felt so safe in his uncle’s arms. He didn’t leave for hours, taking a nap in his uncle’s tent from being up all night, anxious and worrying. He was horrified his uncle would throw him away the same way that his father had- that an apology wouldn’t be enough, and his face would wind up burned. But, he was welcomed back as a prodigal son with open and unconditionally-loving arms. 

Zuko eventually awoke, and came out of the tent feeling refreshed and hopeful, and he found it was late, and he sat by the fire, seeing Katara and the others, and worry bestowed them all– and him too. “Aang is gonna come back,” Zuko stated, giving the fire mor juice. 

“He has to.”

“Otherwise… Uncle– you can do this. You’ll beat the fatherlord.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159502671767)

“The fatherlord?” Toph was nearly bursting with amusement, “Don’t you meant the Fire Lord?” 

Zuko snapped at her, looking completely irate, and then Katara couldn’t help but smile either. With only hours ‘til the end of the world, she was thankful that her companions would face it together, with smiles and full bellies and Iroh’s positivity going with them. 

The elderly man wanted Zuko to take the throne— _Someone with unquestionable honor and a pure heart_ , he’d said. Zuko was in complete shock. His eyes went from Iroh to the others… _to her_. Katara only nodded, her hand going to his back in encouragement. She’d had a suspicion this would happen. She hoped her touch said he could do it. 

With the future settled, the future they _prayed_ for, and the comet tinting the midday sky already, Iroh stood. 

“Sozin’s Comet is arriving, and our destinies are upon us… Zuko, you must return to the Fire Nation, so that when my brother falls, you can assume the throne and restore peace and order. Azula will be there, waiting for you.” 

In a decade, Katara _**might**_ remember the jolt of fear that went through her then. _She could lose him, the world could lose him_. However, she _**would**_ remember the peace that filled her when Zuko asked her to go with him. 

_“Yes!”_ She exclaimed, “It would be my pleasure.” 

They said goodbye, then— Sokka, Suki, and Toph left. Iroh joined the Old Masters. Katara and Zuko climbed upon Appa. She snapped the reigns. It had to of been hours, flying from the tip of the Earth Kingdom to the heart of Zuko’s nation, but it felt like seconds. 

The bison landed with a huff. The pair of them slid down his side. And beneath a red sky, a heated world, blue and gold stared down the crazed princess.

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159508188236/these-lives-weve-lost)

  Zuko’s mind was still stuck on the fact that his uncle thought he was capable of running an entire country– a wartorn country, when he was seventeen, and made so many mistakes. He didn’t know how his uncle believed in him or put so much faith in him, and he was nervous. He wasn’t so sure he could do it, even if his uncle was. His head was now full of worry. He could die, if he died, what would happen? Uncle would be fire lord, and Zuko hated to think about it, but Uncle was old– then what when he died?

  His uncle was then talking about him having to face Azula, and he turned to Katara, remembering her gentle hand on his back. Zuko smiled at her warmly, thinking of her lovingly, and aching knowing they may never have a chance. But, he knew there was no one else whose strength he so trusted- no one else he’d rather die beside, no one else he wanted to fight beside. 

“Katara– how would you like to help me take down Azula?” Zuko asked, and he smiled when she agreed. 

He was nervous, and they were off. The air was thin and tension was rising. If they didn’t beat her, he didn’t know what was going to happen. Zuko was worried about Aang, even after Katara assured him, and soon enough they were pulling into the familiar part of his home. The air was thicker, and he could feel the heat, and he’d never felt more powerful in his entire life. It was a terrifying, yet electrifying power, and when he saw his sister– he could see she felt it too, but it was overtaking her. 

Zuko narrowed his gaze, he knew something wasn’t right. He knew he could take her– and when she took the bait, unusual for her, she was always a step ahead, she fell for it. Zuko knew she was trying to separate them, but did she not see herself slipping? 

Katara turned to him, she held the same concern, but he reassured her. This was the best way, besides, if anything did happen to him, he was positive now she would be safe. That was what he told her, and it was the truth, this way, Katara was safe. She was out of a sibling battle, and she would come out unscathed. Zuko felt a huge weight off his shoulders at this, and Katara just stared at him, her visage, for the first time, flat and unreadable, but he took her silence as acceptance, and they prepared their stances for battle: an agni kai, again, against his own kin. 

The flames were high, a desperate clash of blue and orange in a colorful and almost gorgeous display. Had it not been for the horror behind all of this, the war, the death, the famine, the pestilence, the sin— it would be a light show for the ages. She scattered across the battlefield, heaving, her hair askew, and her appearance, for the first time in forever, un-perfected. Azula was never not perfect. He wondered, with some sadness, what cracked her.

She rode her own flames, dashing and shooting them at him as he deflected and shot his back, trying to pace himself. He wanted to end this, and as he sent his prodigal sister shooting across the rubble and burning roofs, and she sat up, looking absolutely mad. It almost scared him, but Zuko took a deep breath. He baited her once, he wanted to test the waters– see if he could do it again. He doubted she could ever believe he was any good at anything, despite her state, so he tried it. His uncle would have yelled, but at least he was thinking ahead- it was a plan. 

“What? No lightning today? Afraid I’ll redirect it?” Zuko taunted, positioning his stance, and Azula sat up, smirking, her lipstick smudged all over her porcelain skin, and she was absolutely off of her rocker. 

‘You want lighting? I’ll show you lighting!’ she screamed back.

Zuko smirked, glad his plan had worked. He took a deep breath, and positioned himself further, remembering all the steps his uncle had instructed him. He watched her carefully, he could not miss his target, or it was all over. So he watched his little sister like a hawk, her eyes on him. –But, Azula’s eyes moved, her gaze flickering to the side, and it wasn’t until she moved her pointed fingers and his peripheral vision followed suit that he caught onto what she was doing. 

Zuko’s heart seized, and panic set in. 

No. No. No. Not Katara. Not Katara. I love her. I love her. She has to be okay. Don’t touch her. No. No. No. She can’t die. Not Katara. Anyone but Katara. I love her. Everyone loves her. She doesn’t deserve this. No. No. No. 

Zuko’s head screamed, but all that came from his throat was a strangled cry, “Nooooooo!” and he didn’t even think about it. All that he could think about was saving Katara, no matter the cost, no matter if he took all the lightning- if he died– she had to live. She had to. Zuko lunged through the air, and the lightning hit straight through his body, his hands only redirecting a portion. The rest shocked through his body– sending him lunging through the sky, and crashing into the floor as the heat sizzled through his body, leaving him twitching in agony. 

Nothing was more painful than that bolt of millions of Sozin’s Comet-fueled electricity and heat coursing through his veins. It was worse than his father’s burn. It was absolutely excruciating, and he knew he’d die. He was going to die. His heart was on fire and racing, and he was shaking like a leaf, and convulsing from the shockwaves, panicking still as he was so weak. He could hardly breathe, let alone move, but he crawled up– seeing Katara. She was struggling, and he had to get to her. He had to stop Azula. Azula could not kill her. If he did one last thing with his dying breath, he was going to protect her. Only one of them was going to die, and it wasn’t going to be her. 

_**He loved her.** _


	19. These Lives We've Lost, Part 2

She’d darted out into the arena. She thought the battle was over, that he’d deliver the final blow of redirected lightning and Azula would fall. She needed to be close. She knew he’d never want his sister to die, that killing her wasn’t a burden he needed to bear. 

She’d blame herself for the next seconds for the rest of her life. 

Maniacal eyes locked on her, followed by a hundred thousand volts bursting from manicured fingertips. Bright blue and white flashed. The air cracked with power. Her skin felt alive. 

She froze… just… _**froze**_. 

_‘No!!!’_

Red and gold jumped in her line of sight, his stance all off, his hands barely catching the bolt— his body absorbing it all. It felt like time slowed. She watched him fall, watched his limbs curl inward, watched as pure lightning ripped from his chest and his body was left twitching with the aftereffects. 

He was dying. 

_**“Zuko!”** _

Katara darted towards him, her hands already cloaked in shining water. Blue flames dashed her path. She stumbled, jerking away in a different direction. She’d never get to him, never even get _close_ with Azula still free. 

This was it— the waterbender against the crazed Princess. She hardly thought she had a chance, but her mouth set in grim determination, and Katara left her hiding place. 

Fire chased her around the columns and across the plaza, lightning exploding on her tail. Her own supply of water had run out. Azula was losing it more and more. 

Katara tumbled over a grate, _terrified…_ when her eyes opened, she felt the faintest glimmer of hope. 

_Water._

She pushed up, grabbed chains from a hook nearby, and laid the trap. The Princess followed her, landing in front of her, snarling as she poised what would be a fatal strike. She’d been outsmarted though, her downfall coming in the form of ice and chains. Katara dropped her hold on the water, falling with a gut wrenching cough, then tightened the hold on Azula. 

She was trembling, weary, but Katara’s resolve never wavered. She left Azula behind, running across the plaza to the boy bleeding out on the ground. 

He was _**dying.**_

“Zuko? _God—”_ Katara couldn’t stop her fingers from shaking, but she managed to roll him over, crumbling with him in her lap. Her palm was glowing, pressed firmly against his sternum. Her other hand held him close, cradled his head on her chest, like she could somehow _breathe_ for him. 

She waited, her eyes closed and tears streaming, until she knew the water was gone and the glow had faded. The slightest flutter greeted her fingertips. Katara opened her eyes, only loosening her grasp on him to meet the faintest shimmer of golden eyes twinkling beneath the red sky. 

Katara smiled,  _“Zuko…”_  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159535490831)

Zuko watched helplessly as Katara battled off Azula. He was so scared Azula was going to hit her with lightning next. What could he do then? He was powerless, lying on the ground, dying from the inside out. He could feel his insides on fire, and his heart was slowing and beating erratically. He was mortified. This was the most frightening moment of his life– he was dying and he was scared before he went, he was going to watch Katara die. He was also scared he’d see Azula die. He didn’t want her to die. He was prepared to do whatever was necessary, but he really didn’t want his little sister dead, even if she’d likely just killed him. He was on the brink of death now, and the world was growing black and his vision was a blurred vignette of Katara’s intrepid battle against his madwoman sister. 

He couldn’t breathe, and he rolled over to his stomach, his body doing anything to wield off the pain he felt. It was futile, but he was twitching and gasping with shallow and desperate breaths. Every inch of him was in ineffable pain. He was lying on his stomach, and the smoke surrounding them just made it more difficult for him to breathe, and he could feel himself being pulled to the Spirit World.

He thought of his uncle, and how he didn’t get to show him how sorry he was. He thought of how he’d have to take the throne now. He thought of how he wanted to show his uncle how much he loved him and how grateful he was for everything he’d done. He wanted to spend more time with his friends, and get to know them more, he wanted to make sure Mai and Ty Lee were all right, he wanted to see if Aang saved the world; he wanted to see if anything became of he and Katara because now, too late, he realized that he loved her. He wondered what they’d all think- at least only his uncle would really be in pain. The thought killed him, his uncle had gone through more than anyone, but at least not many more would truly mourn him. He wondered if his new friends would a little– what Mai would think, and especially, Katara. 

But as his breaths grew so shallow and slowed, and he could hardly move, knowing he’d die any minute, Katara came to him, and she pulled him so close. It was the nicest feeling in the world, and if he was going to die, he was glad it was in her arms. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her. He wondered if he should tell her, but he decided not to complicate her life. She could have Aang in peace if he died in peace. 

She was soft, and smelled like char and rain. He was dying, but he felt safe. At least he’d died doing something. It wasn’t in vain, she’d live, and go on, and do great things, and have kids, and change the world even more, and her family would love her to pieces. But, as he prepared to go– a cool glow met his chest and he exhaled deeply, his breath back, and the intense pain subsided into a still dull ache, but he wasn’t so weak. He could breathe. Everything hurt, but he could breathe, and he could move, and his weak eyes that were teetering on the edge of death looked up at her, bright and glowing and full of love at her wet blues. 

“Thank you, Katara,” he choked out weakly, smiling and in disbelief. She’d saved him with her healing abilities. He wasn’t going to die. Zuko could not believe it. He was in shock, literally and figuratively, and her face beaming up at him would always be the prettiest and best thing he’d ever seen.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159539718282)

“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you…” Katara was smiling as she said it, though tears kept pouring free. Her heart felt like it was beating for them both, racing to a new speed she’d never previously reached. 

She wanted to remain right there, cradling him like he was made of glass. She feared he might be, after such power had rattled his bones and nearly killed him. Katara glanced over him more, pushing sweaty hair from his eyes, adjusting his tunic so it wouldn’t stick to the wound. 

She really needed him inside, preferentially in a bath, where she could assess and heal all of him at once. Plus, the Princess, the tinted sky— they did nothing but scare her. 

Azula was screaming behind them, spitting fire into the air with tears on her cheeks. Katara threw her a sad glance, but remained focused on the Prince… _no,_ the next _Fire Lord._

“Come on,” Katara shifted, helping him to his feet slowly. When he stumbled, she caught him around the waist, his arm thrown over her shoulders for support. “I’ve got you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159581121911)

Zuko still felt pain filling his body and he was woozy, and still so whiplashed. He stood wearily, clinging to Katara with all the strength his wounded body could muster. If it weren’t for Katara, in than one way, he would be gone. His life- taken. He couldn’t even stand now if she disappeared. They’d saved each other.

Zuko watched his sister scream and cry, and it hurt his heart. He didn’t like seeing anyone suffer, not even Azula. She was broken, and it was eerie because she was always so invincible and strong- now crumbled, and he couldn’t look away, even as his eyes clouded with tears.

Katara gently pulled him away, towards the palace. “I-I don’t know that’s it’s safe for us in there,” Zuko choked out, his voice hoarse in pain. He inhaled sharply as he turned, “they think I’m a traitor… and… I-I can’t leave Azula chained there like she’s an animal… we-we’d have to sneak in. It’s risky. I couldn’t help fight, and I would slow you down… we- we need to go somewhere else.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159606925437)

“We can’t just—” She stumbled under his weight as he slumped, clutching his chest. Katara put a hand over his, struggling to keep them both steady, to keep him alive. “We can’t leave, Zuko. We- we’ll find some place to hide.”

They _needed_ the protection of the palace. Katara was beyond doubt that he’d die if they tried to move anywhere else. _She’d die if he died, a piece of her soul gone._  On top of that, leaving would essentially be the same as forfeiting his hard-won Agni Kai. 

No one was around, not the sages, not the guards or the citizens, just them and a thrashing Princess. They’d be alright, _wouldn’t they?_

Katara glanced up towards the sky. The comet was nearly at the far end of the distant horizon, on the verge of disappearing, giving way to a full moon. If she had to, she’d be able to fight… she’d be able to _stop hearts_ tonight.

_“_ Come on. _Please”_

She helped him forward, up the steps of the plaza towards two massive doors that were still thrown open. The palace was deserted, completely quiet and dark, yet she kept muttering _please_ under her breath. Katara realized it was fear— she was begging Zuko to live, begging Aang to win, begging the gods that this wouldn’t be her last day. 

Her body trembled as bad as his, but somehow, she managed to find the heart of the palace, where rooms lined the halls and lamps were still lit. Katara pushed into one suite, finding the decor sparse and dusty, like it hadn’t been lived in for months. With the last of her strength, Katara helped Zuko onto a massive four-post bed. 

She left him for only a moment, closing the doors, and barred them a sword collected from a decorative weaponry stand. For good measure, she drew what little water she could from the air and froze the hinges and the lock. A groan from the bed brought her darting back. 

“Zuko,” Katara reappeared at his side, shaking fingers tearing back his tunic to expose his entire chest. Tears fell to his skin— her own tears— she collected them on her fingertips and pulled the liquid along the edges of the lightning’s mark. She’d need more, though, more water and bandages. “Just stay still…. _breathe…_  I need water.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159613200736)

Zuko was terrified. Katara insisted they leave Azula there, and she insisted they go in the palace. Zuko whimpered as she dragged him away from the heartbreaking scene, leaving his sister to lose her mind and sob, and tugging him to the palace he was condemned from. He was horrified, but he knew she was trying to simply save him, and in his condition, he did not have much room to protest. 

Zuko could hardly get there as she helped him up stairs. Zuko had to stop her, to catch his breath as he fell to his knees, practically gasping. He had no energy, and breathing was incredibly difficult. Zuko clung to this girl that he now realized, and could not deny, he loved. Zuko trusted her– with everything, and quite literally his life. 

She laid him down, and the pain intensified, and he tried to keep it in, but he groaned. It hurt like all hell, and Zuko crippled over on the bed, weakly, grasping his chest. He knew he would already be dead if Katara hadn’t gotten to him in time. 

She started to cry, and Zuko whimpered again, this time trying to speak to comfort her, to cease her tears. His hand shakily reached up to cup her face, stroking away her tears. “Shhh, shhh…” Zuko whispered, taking a deep and pained breath. “There’s water, Kat, in the bathroom– there.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159617462847)

“The bathroom…” She pulled out of his grasp, looking in the direction his eyes drifted. Katara’s mind worked quickly, then she moved, entering the ensuite and drawing a bath of hot water. 

She came back into the room, having been gone a minute or two, but feeling panicked all the same. Her breath only returned when his chest rose and fell; a ragged gasp, _yes_ , but he was _alive_. 

“Zuko, can you…” She hated to make him move. Being surrounded by water was his best chance. She’d be able to touch every vein, every nerve that way. Her fingers whispered into his damp hair, drawing liquid from it, soothing the burning pain that surely lingered in his chest. 

“I need your help,” Katara whispered, coaxing him to sit up with her arm around his ribcage. “I can’t lift you.” 

She felt a shuddering groan leave him, but somehow, Zuko managed to leave the bed, leaning wearily against her. It wasn’t how she would’ve wanted to hold him… she’d spent dark nights imagining something _soft_ … soft hands, soft lips, soft words shared.  _This_ wasn’t what she dreamed— a scared, frenzied flight to the water that would save his life. 

Katara lowered him to the bath’s edge, bending down to remove his shoes, “I can heal you— _trust me_ , I can heal you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159617984381/these-lives-weve-lost)

Zuko looked over at the bathroom, and it looked like it was millions of miles away. He sighed deeply with precious breaths. Katara came back to him swiftly. She looked panicked and desperate, and it hurt. He couldn’t do much. He could barely move. It hurt like hell, and took all his strength and oxygen. 

Zuko closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, swallowing thickly as he then nodded. Zuko sat up with struggle and in pain as Katara helped him. It took him a solid two minutes to merely get to the tub, and he was panting by then. The world was spinning and he felt dizzy, like his head was aflame. 

Katara removed his shoes slowly, and then Katara tore off the frayed, fried shirt, and he looked down at his pants with burn holes, and he nearly collapsed into the water until Katara helped ease him in. It was hot, and felt somewhat soothing, but everything still ached. 

Zuko looked at her then, clutching her hand. “I trust you. I trust you more than anyone. _You_ are the greatest _waterbender_ in the world, and… in case I don’t make it… I want you to know _you_ are the greatest _**friend**_ I have ever known.”


	20. These Lives We've Lost, Part 3

“ _Shh…_ don’t!” Katara demanded, shaking her head vigorously. She wouldn’t let him talk like that, wouldn’t even let him think of it, not if she had any power over what happened to him. “You’re not saying goodbye, Zuko. You’re staying right here.” 

She already had the water glowing, swirling up over him in little whirls. He visibly relaxed, the strain on his body abating with every pass of her hands. Katara followed a specific path, one taught by Yugoda a year ago. Her fingertips barely grazed his skin, water trailing in their wake to soothe arteries and veins, chasing damage away from his heart until his breathing eased. 

Katara watched his chest collapse with a long sigh. “See… I’ve got you. I promise.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159623376756)

Katara knew how to work the water and played it like a violin. The water glowed miraculously and Zuko was mesmerized by how she practically self-taught herself. “I–I–” Zuko choked out, trying to speak, but he was cut off by pain, that was soon abated. He sighed in deep relief, feeling every inch of him cool and alleviate. 

Zuko looked at her with a weak, yet crooked and genuine smile. “I know… I know you do,” he whispered with a tender laugh. “You saved me, Kat.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159624648917)

She gave him a soft smile, feeling like a thousand tons had left her shoulders. It was over… Katara knew Yugoda would tell her not to be too hopeful, but she couldn’t help it. The hard part… the part where she thought she was going to _lose_ him… it was done. 

Katara told him to relax, to practice steady breaths, and continued focused work on his chest and heart. With her bending, and the help of the full moon rising outside, she managed to strengthen the damaged muscle and mend the wound shut. Eventually, he even seemed at peace. His eyes weren’t so dull as they centered on her. 

“You should probably rest…” Katara said, releasing her hold on the cooling bath water. “Stay here.” 

She disappeared from the bathroom, finding a wardrobe in the room full of red tunics and dark robes. She pulled a robe from its hanger, a black one with gold trim. The fabric was all clean, silky and soft… yet, smelled _masculine_. She had the strangest idea that this was Zuko’s old room, somehow she’d randomly stumbled upon it. 

Or maybe, he’d subconsciously led them to the place where he might’ve felt safe once. 

Katara shook the thought and went back to Zuko’s side. Tucking the fresh clothing under her arm, she drained the tub next, helping him stand and step out on the wet tile. She draped a towel around his shoulders, more for warmth, as she pulled the water from his hair and pants. 

“How do you feel? Okay?” She appraised him, noticing he was still hunched and tired, slow to respond with the fog of near death hanging around him. Katara pressed her lips together, “Alright… let’s just… let’s help you change.” 

She took the towel away, replacing it with the robe. Katara started with his right arm, lifting it, pulling the sleeve on, then repeated the gesture on his left. Standing behind him now, Katara placed her hands on his ribs in support. 

“Undress—” She glanced down to his bare feet. The end of the robe brushed the back of his calves, right where his pants ended. Even the hems were burned and torn— “I promise I can’t see anything.”

She felt him struggle, _whine…_ even,as he fumbled with the clothing. Katara sighed, feeling around his abdomen to where his fingers trembled. She placed her hands over his and offered the strength he needed, pulling the drawstrings loose, then retracting her touch.  His pants fell with another groan and a final shrug from him. Katara inhaled, helping him push the robe closed before she walked around to his front and tied the sash in a knot. 

“There,” Katara reached up, cupping his cheek tenderly, “That’s better, isn’t it?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159625295416)

Zuko felt significantly better, but he still felt the lingering haziness and pain from the entire ordeal. Zuko stumbled as Katata pulled him from the tub, and he was dripping wet in the old, torn pants with singed away holes from Azula’s blow. It still felt so surreal- Azula had nearly killed him- would have, had it not been for Katara.

She helped him to the bed, holding out an old robe she must’ve dug for. He smiled tiredly and fondly at her. But, at her command, Zuko blushed redder than ever. All his sallow, sickly skin went beat red in a second flat, but he was too weak and tired to fight it. He simply removed the pants and meekly covered his arms over his chest in modesty. Katara helped him into the robe, and he admittedly did feel better already.

Zuko’s eyes met the waterbender’s again as she tied the robe, and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch sleepily- the bed calling his name. He wanted her to stay. He couldn’t believe the tenderness in which he held and kept him. He was in love with the girl from the Southern Water Tribe. He was really in love. He wanted to tell her, in case he died, but his love was anything but selfish. It was all selfless and real and pure. Telling her now, or maybe ever, would be selfish. So he clung to their friendship and reveled in her touch.

“I was so scared I was going to lose you today, Kat…”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159625680337)

“You didn’t…” 

Katara fought to hold his gaze. She wasn’t sure what to say, honestly. With the rush to save him, she hadn’t allowed herself a moment to think about what he’d done… the flashing white, his scream, the crack as lightning rendered him in two. 

She swallowed — _why’d you do it?_ — and looked away. She felt like her throat was closing, like she’d discover his answer if she thought too long. She itched for a distraction. 

Katara offered him her arm, “Let’s go to bed. It’s big enough for both us, isn’t it?” 

He nodded, but she already knew he wouldn’t argue. For that, she was grateful. She was exhausted, though Katara hardly thought she’d sleep. Too much of her felt alive, felt responsible for his life, even if it kept her awake all night. 

She lowered him slowly onto his back, untucking the blankets, then re-tucking them around his legs. Katara smiled when he settled down, briefly running her fingers into his hair and down his cheek. “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159659082676)

The thought of sleep never sounded sweeter. Zuko smiled, nodding, though he was scared. He was scared they’d be found. He was scared he’d be too weak to help defend Katara, leaving her alone to ward off enemies. But, despite this anxiety, his body didn’t care. It was in a dire state and demanded rest. Katara knew this, she was a healer. She continued to amaze him every minute. 

Zuko sighed in relief as his head hit the fluffy pillow, and his eyes instantly drifted shut in sheer exhaustion. She caressed his hair and cheek, and he intrinsically leaned into her touch, and he’d blush if he wasn’t so dead tired. Her question stirred him awake, however, and his weary eyes fluttered open, meeting the warm, loving gaze of her dazzling blue ones. He’d never forget those eyes– they were his favorite eyes. He loved her. 

The thought of food made him want to hurl, but he felt like he’d been in the desert for days the way his body screamed to be quenched. “Some water, if you don’t mind, Kat, please.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159682355367)

Katara nodded in response and left the bedside. She still had her waterskin, so she refilled this in the bathroom and brought it back to him. 

“Here,” she murmured, helping him sit up and lift the drink to his lips. 

When he’d had his fill, Katara took the waterskin away and got him comfortable again. His eyes were already half closed, exhaustion settling in his bones as it was in hers. The palace still sounded abandoned. The reddish glow had faded from the windows, giving way to the moon’s ethereal light. 

Katara gave his arm a squeeze. “Sleep, okay?” and once he’d drifted off, she stripped from her tattered blue clothing and pulled a red tunic from the wardrobe she’d dug through earlier. She used a splash of water from the waterskin to refresh her face, then laid on the bed beside him. 

His pulse was even, strong. She watched his chest rise and fall for some time. Eventually, the sound of his quiet breaths lulled Katara into a fitful sleep. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159683139481)

Somehow, Zuko did feel safe enough in the proximity of Katara’s watch to drift off. The unbearable exhaustion his body screamed to ease took over, and Zuko was almost instantly asleep after Katara helped him get some water. Zuko was out like a light, sleeping without a peep because his body was too weak for anything otherwise, despite the nightmares that chased his dreams. 

But, a deep pain began to settle in the young, exiled prince’s chest. He felt nauseous as he stirred from his sleep, and he couldn’t breathe right. He tried to sit up, but flinched, and noticed Katara beside him. He didn’t want to wake her, but he was frightened- and he knew she could possibly help him. “Katara…?” Zuko choked out through a thick cough, out of breath by speaking simply her three-syllable name. He shook her arm gently. His face was completely ashen, drained of its vibrant color and he was coated in a cold sweat. 

The world felt dizzy, and his head felt full of air. It was hard to speak, his throat hurt and felt swollen, as did the rest of his limbs- as they did not before he’d awaken. He felt weak and tired before, but none of this. He could feel his heart racing, slowing and pacing and affecting his breathing, and he was starting to panic. His arm felt like he’d been slammed by a train, and he blamed it on the funny way he slept. 

Katara looked at him, terror in her eyes and written on her visage. “I’m sorry,” Zuko spoke weakly, a fit of coughing taking over as he struggled to speak. “I don’t… I don’t feel… _right_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159690696857)

“Zuko?”  She woke easily… she hadn’t been in a deep sleep, anyway. Her eyes roamed over the Prince in the near darkness, the light of the moon revealing ashen skin and sweaty hair. His fingers clutched the sheets. His jaw tensed in pain. 

_“Zuko!”_

This wasn’t good, she knew that much from a glance. Sitting up, however, and gathering her bearings, Katara could feel the stuttering beat of his heart. His breath came in short gasps, a silent scream leaving him with every exhalation. 

“Hey—” 

She could see his eyes fluttering. He couldn’t focus on anything, not the ceiling, not her. She’d never seen this before, but she’d heard of it… in older men and women, never one as young as him. The lighting— the lighting had done this. 

“ _Hey,_ stay with me.”

Katara clutched his chin, her other hand landing on his chest and willing his pulse to keep going. “Zuko?” 

He was seizing. His eyes rolled back, looking dead and unseeing. His teeth clamped together with a pained groan. His lungs stopped lifting with even _forced_ breaths. She couldn’t keep him there, not with her touch or calming words or _water_ …

The first time she’d bent another’s blood around him, she’d sensed the strength and _the will_ in his body. The captain had fallen easily, but, she knew in that moment, that forcing Zuko to his knees would be a feat. Sick dread settled in her stomach now, because it wasn’t the struggle she imagined when she hated him. 

The moon’s power filled her veins and with a flick of her fingers, the blood moved in his. 

All she could think about was the pain— how badly was this hurting him? What torture was he enduring? Did he fear the control she held over him? Katara prayed he wasn’t scared. She prayed he knew, somewhere in the dark recesses of his mind, that she was saving him. 

“I’ve got you,” she whispered, tears streaming, hand hovering above his chest to keep his heart beating, “You’ll be okay.”

_Please be okay._

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159701779506/these-lives-weve-lost)

Zuko’s head was back in the mindset it was in as he watched Katara fight against his sister for her life. Zuko thought he was going to die, for sure this time. In Katara’s arms, he was going to die at age seventeen. At least he’d defeated Azula, he’d done good, he’d helped end a Hundred Year War of pain and suffering that his people had caused. 

He, admittedly, did not want to go. Before he was indifferent, but now, he felt hope. He had so much to live for. He had friends, family, and a mission- as fire lord. He wanted to see the world grow and thrive, he wanted to help. He wanted a family, and he wanted one with Katara, and that scared him- that he loved her that much. 

The pain was excruciating, and he was shaking, and then convulsing. He couldn’t breathe, and his heart felt like it was on fire. He felt his chest seize and and he exhaled deeply, his eyes rolling back and he knew that was his final breath. He couldn’t even savor it in his panic, but he knew that he would be dead in seconds. It was weird, how he knew. 

But, in a moment, it was Katara. Katara had saved him. He heard her voice, muffled and desperate, and saw her fingers work, and if he wasn’t so weak, his eyes would be bulging from his skull, widened. She was bloodbending him. She was bloodbending his heart– and it scared him, and he clutched the sheets in horror, before he realized she was keeping him alive. She was beating his weak and broken heart. He just looked at her, fear still struck all oveer his face, and he wanted to comfort her. He wanted to thank her, but he wasn’t even supposed to be alive right now. He felt so weak, and eventually, Zuko drifted off in plumb exhaustion– he’d fainted, but he was _alive_.


	21. These Lives We've Lost, Part 4

The double doors slammed open, ripping Katara into delirium from an exhausted, dreamless state. She couldn’t focus, not on the torches casting bright light around the room, not on the handful of faces. 

She sprang up to her knees, panicked, shrieking, “Come a step closer and I’ll slit your throats!”  

“Katara!” 

She didn’t recognize the voice calling her. One of the men came towards her and she was fighting to adjust to the light, blinking rapidly, and— why were her cheeks wet? She realized she was crying, the terror real and tangible that they’d been found… that they’d be killed. 

_They. **Zuko**._

Katara whirled around, looking at the Prince lying prone beneath the sheets. She couldn’t tell if he was breathing, she couldn’t even tell if he was alive, not in her frantic static. Arms wrapped around her waist just then, dragging her from her bed. 

“ _Zuko!_ No!!” 

Sobs ripped from her throat. She clawed at the arms, kicking, screaming, too distraught to even get a grasp on the _blood_ around her. She needed him. She _**needed**_ that boy and they were dragging her away. Katara thought she’d go mad with how she screamed then. 

“No! _**No!!!**_ Let me go! _Let me go!!”_

Blue eyes appeared in her vision, warm hands grabbing her tear-stained face with a gentle gruffness.  _“Katara!_ Stop. It’s me. It’s _Dad!_ ” 

“Dad?” Only a moment of relief set in, before she was struggling in her captor’s arms again. This time, however, she was released. Katara scrambled away from the Water Tribe men. As soon as she’d reached the bed again, her fingers searched for the pulse in Zuko’s neck. 

_One. Two. Three._ She counted the seconds go by. _**There.**_

A beat fluttered under her fingertips. At first, she thought it was phantom, wishful thinking, but there it was again. And again. _Over and over_. She choked,  _“Z-zuko,”_ and finally, weary and broken, collapsed by the bed in tears. 

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159703807516)

Zuko lied in a state of unconsciousness for hours as Katara beat his heart for him. For certain, if not for her, he would have died. Zuko owed his life to Katara. They could chalk it up as even. 

Hours later and hours passed, Zuko stirred from the state of unconsciousness the heart attack had thrown him in. His eyes fluttered open at the sound of screams and panic and tears. He glanced around, the world still spinning. 

He saw Hakoda, Katara’s father, and he smiled. He was safe- Sokka and Katara would be so happy. His thoughts drifted to his friend then, and then to all his friends, praying they were all right. He prayed especially now, that Aang was all right. 

He looked to Katara, raising a shaky hand to cup her cheek. “Kat,” he managed to choke out. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m okay- you’re okay… your dad’s okay. It’s _okay_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159723161812)

“I- I left you—” 

She felt on the verge of hysterics. Her tears were falling fast and thick, soaking the mattress, her cheeks, her borrowed tunic. She couldn’t even _breathe._  Her father’s hand on her back didn’t soothe her. The murmured words that Zuko was okay, that she was safe… Katara barely heard them. 

“I f-fell asleep…” Her head flashed with a hundred images of how immensely she’d let Zuko down. Her morbid talent had been all that stood between him and death and she let her eyes close because of _fucking_ exhaustion. Now, Katara couldn’t fight the thought of finding him dead. Her stomach heaved, another sob choking out, “ **G** _ **od**!”_  

She was shaking her head, trying to stop her tears, but her racing heart didn’t calm until gentle fingers stroked her cheek. Katara stilled long enough to meet golden eyes. Now, _he_ was whispering that it was okay, but Katara couldn’t take it. She pulled away, feeling frantic.

“You aren’t. You _aren’t_ okay and it’s because of me,” she hissed, her gaze finding the red starburst on his chest. The wound looked to tender, swollen and sore. It oozed clear fluids and blood, glistening in the firelight with every breath he took.

Katara wanted to run, because that felt easier than staying put and facing what Zuko had done for her, how he’d almost died _twice_ now because he thought her meager life was actually worth something. She couldn’t, though, he needed her and he needed healing water. She fumbled with the cap on her waterskin, pulling water out and over his chest, bringing it to a bright glow her fingers shaking. 

Her father tried to take her hand when the water faded, “Hun—”

“Don’t!” She yanked away, “I can’t stop. I– I _can’t—_ ”

“Darling, you’re exhausted, you’re okay. Zuko’s okay. I’m sorry if we frightened you, but nothing’s wrong…” Hakoda inched closer, eyeing her and Zuko, before inhaling sharply. “What- what happened—” 

“Lightning.” Katara bit down on the word, feeling like the air was electric once again. “Lightning happened.” She shook her head, aching for the Prince and all the pain she’d caused. “It’s all _my_ fault.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159723383751)

“Kat, you’re fighting a war, you’re a kid– of course you fell asleep,” Zuko spoke gently. “Don’t be upset. I’m fine, you… you saved my life, again,” Zuko whispered taking a deep, laborious breath. “ Okay, you’re right, right now, I am not fine, but I will be. I’m going to be just fine, Katara. I’m going to heal, and I’ll be all right,” he assured her. “–Because of and thanks to you,” he spoke, laughing weakly as it turned to a fit of coughs. 

Zuko looked at Hakoda then, shaking his head. “No, no– she was my partner, to take down my sister, and I asked her to come- to help me. Then, I was dueling her- one on one, in this traditional battle in my nation, an agni kai, but Azula cheated. She targeted Katara, so I had to deflect it from her. That’s all that happened,” Zuko downplayed what he’d done. He couldn’t see what everyone else would have. He didn’t want this glory for what he did or this praise or heroic lauding. He just wanted to protect someone he loved. 

“I’m just glad she’s safe, Hakoda. Please, she’s tired–” Zuko spoke, looking at Katara, “You’re tired, Kat,” he told her. “Rest,” he spoke. 

“Hakoda… any word on the others? Aang…? Sokka? Toph? Suki? My uncle? How… how is the war going…? I–”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159724018597)

“That’s all… that’s _all_ that happened?” Katara pulled her hands back, crossing her arms as something akin to rage swelled in her chest. “You- you fucking jumped in front of a bolt of lightning, Zuko!”

She stood, glaring at her dad with fury that was meant for the Prince, “He nearly got himself killed! A bolt of lightning— during Sozin’s goddamn comet! He just leapt in front of it like the world doesn’t need him!” She realized, as she screamed at Hakoda, how much anger she’d been harboring in her thoughts. 

How was her life worth anymore than his? How could he think that his death would be better than hers? _How could he do it without thinking?_ So, she kept yelling, because yelling at her dad and the Water Tribe men was the easiest way to let out all the pain she’d been holding in. 

“And he’s just going to act like it wasn’t a big deal! He’s going to act like his heart didn’t stop and I haven’t been beating it _for_ him this entire night!” She turned sharp eyes on Zuko, her tears abated but her face burning all the same. “Do you not realize that people need you?! _I need you!_ ”

Her dad tried to reach for her, but Katara jerked further away, sweeping one glance around the room. The others looked at her in shock. Zuko stared at her like she’d electrocuted him. Katara just shook her head and turned on her heel, storming from the Prince’s room. 

///////////

A tense silence followed his daughter’s wake. 

“Should… I go after her, sir?” A warrior named Roran looked past the open doors. 

Hakoda shook his head, “Uh, no. She’s just like her mother, she’ll come back when she’s ready.” 

He turned blue eyes on the teenage boy, then, knowing Zuko had more questions about Katara than about the rest of the group, but he couldn’t speak for his daughter. 

“Sokka sent a hawk earlier this evening… Ba Sing Se was recaptured in the name of the Earth King. Sokka, Toph, and Suki took out the air fleet before any real damage was done, and… your fa— _Ozai—_ he’s fallen.” He looked around at the other men, not really sure what to say next. Iroh had left him with specific instructions, but he didn’t want to stress the wounded firebender. “We’ll, _uh_ , we can discuss more after both you and Katara have rested.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159724860011)

She needed him? What on earth for? She had a loving family, loving friends, a nice home, what did she need him for? What did anyone need him for? Katara was loved by many, and besides that she was a great person– she deserved for herself, to live out a happy and whole life. He was the one who’d made so many heinous mistakes. He was the one who had so little. Though, he did now have an onus. He was a symbol. He was a figurehead, and not much more. Though, that was important, Katara was right. 

But, as Hakoda explained what happened, Zuko sat up in joy and surprise. He flinched, grunting in pain as he leaned over, but he was smiling brightly. “He’s fallen? He’s dead?” Zuko asked, the smile faded, but then he shook his head, “The war’s over then!?” Zuko exclaimed, laughing happily. “Spirits! It’s over! We won! I mean, the Fire Nation lost, but us– we won! We can restore peace… the violence, the fighting– it’s ended! Everyone is okay! Does Katara know? She has to hear– she’ll  be thrilled!” Zuko exclaimed, attempting to hop from his bed to tell her, but he could barely roll over in it. 

“Kat! Kat! –Katara!”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159726063162)

She was coming back to the room already… she felt guilty for leaving… so, in her close proximity, Katara heard her name being shouted. She panicked, running through the doors,  _“What?!”_  

“What is it?” Katara looked over the men and Zuko, alarmed to see him sitting up and struggling towards the edge of the bed. She paced towards him, bracing her hands on his shoulders to make him be still. “Will you stop? I didn’t save you just so you could kill yourself.”

Helping him settle down on a few pillows, Katara looked at her dad, “What’s going on? Is everyone okay?”

Hakoda nodded, recounting the details, and explaining that he and his warriors had come her as quickly as the harbor was secured. The palace was empty. They even had Azula in custody, now. 

“Well, that’s good news, right? The war’s over.” She pursed her lips, now realizing it was more important than ever that she fully heal Zuko. He’d be crowned soon, likely as soon as he could stand. She knew she should be happy, but something about his coming coronation made her… _sad._ Katara grimaced, chasing the subject. “What did Aang— what happened to Ozai?”

“He’s currently in the possession of the White Lotus,” Hakoda explained. “They will be transporting him here in the coming weeks, so stand trial for his crimes and possibly face execution…” His eyes drifted to Zuko. “I guess his fate will be in your hands, Lord Zuko.” 

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159726940671)

Zuko couldn’t stop smiling. “The war is over, Katara. It’s over– we **won** ,” Zuko choked out. He was elated and relieved. “It’s over… I can live in peace- it’s done,” Zuko spoke, leaning back on the pillow as happy, joyful tears spilled over. But, he remembered then as what happened to his father came up, that he would never live in peace. 

He was the fire lord. That was a sacrifice to restore balance. He was becoming a symbol of a new era. He was offering up his individuality as a person to become the world’s beacon of Fire Nation benevolence. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make. He wanted nothing more than to fix what his forefathers had done. 

When Zuko heard that his father wasn’t dead however, and he would have to choose, his happy mood subsided. He felt dread kick in. If he didn’t kill his father- he’d be branded still loyal to him. It would anger people loyal to his father if he did kill him. He personally didn’t know what he could handle. He was now beginning to doubt his capability already. 

“I’m just Zuko… I’m not even a prince right now… I was banished,” Zuko murmured. “I’ll always be just Zuko to you, anyway, Chief Hakoda,” Zuko spoke, sighing deeply. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159728673747)

“You _can_.” Katara sat beside her dad on the bed, taking Zuko’s hand in her own. She didn’t care that the onlookers stared in surprise. “You’ll do great, and you’ll have me here to help.” 

She squeezed his fingers, smiling, though it quickly fell as she realized what implications hid in her words. Her cheeks burned red, especially when her dad coughed to cover up what had to be a knowing smirk.  “I- I mean for as long as it takes… for you to get better…” Katara trailed off, looked every where but Zuko’s direction. She should’ve guessed her father would be the first to catch on to whatever Suki and Sokka noticed at Ember Island. 

“Dad, why don’t you and your men search for food? I’m going to work a bit more on Zuko’s heart, and he should really be resting.” 

Katara met his joyful blue eyes, trying to sound stern, but Hakoda chuckled under his breath. “Right… forgive us,” he stood and went to the door, “I hate to be an intruder on precious alone time.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159796791571/these-lives-weve-lost)

Zuko blushed at Hakoda’s comment that was held with a wink. Zuko laughed nervously, but was relieved when he left the room. Hakoda was a very nice man, but Zuko couldn’t deal with the teasing right now, not when he realized he was in love with her. Zuko looked at Katara with a smile. “You don’t have to stay here until I’m well you know. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a couple days. I don’t want to keep you here,” Zuko said with a thick cough following. 

“I just can’t fathom that it’s all over. Doesn’t it seem crazy? The war is done,” Zuko spoke incredulously. “I mean… it’s safer now, the world is. The Fire Nation will be… destroyed,” Zuko croaked, his voice still hoarse and in pain. “I don’t know how I’ll fix it… I… I wanted to find my mom… my father said she might be alive, Katara,” Zuko admitted in a whisper, looking at her. 

“But… I can’t. I have to stay here when I’m crowned. I can’t leave my people, not while we’re recovering from this war we brought on ourselves. I don’t know,” Zuko spoke, “It doesn’t matter, I suppose,” he whispered. 

“I just… don’t know what to do. I’m… I don’t know if I’m… _suitable_ for this.”


	22. These Lives We've Lost, Part 5

“I think you’re being far too hard on yourself, Zuko.” With her dad gone, Katara settled back on the bed, sitting crosslegged and smiling down at him. “I’ve told you, I’m sure your uncle’s told you, and my dad, too— You’re an honorable person. You made some mistakes, sure, but you’ve fixed them… You’ll do the same for your country.” 

She met his eyes, hoping to see peace replace the worry in them, but it didn’t seem to be working. Katara hadn’t a clue what else she could say to him, and perhaps her actions would have to speak for her. Zuko seemed to prefer _doing_ things as opposed to  _saying_ things. Maybe he wanted the same from the people around him. 

“I’ll really _will_ help you,” Katara stated, making the decision right then that she’d be around for as long as he needed. She’d do whatever he asked, honestly. “If you want me to help you find your mother, I will. If you need someone to help with your duties until you’re better, I’ll be that person. If you just want _company_ , I’ll stay.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159983769991)

Katara’s words meant more than she’d ever know. Zuko carried them with him as she helped carry him through hallways as he healed through the next week. It was odd, the upcoming week. He was the de facto fire lord, they’d say, but not officially crowned. The Fire Nation was in limbo without a crowned leader for more than a few hours for the first time in recorded history.  Though, Zuko had a feeling that he would be doing many things that were a first in Fire Nation history. 

It was early in the morning, a bright and warm as most days in the Fire Nation were. It seemed brighter today, though. Zuko was full of hope, and he was sure it was the people as much as the event. Zuko stood by the window in the throne hall, nervous. He had to give a speech to thousands of war victims- the whole world. He had to make sure they knew, and trusted him as much as they could, considering his background, to bring hope, love, and peace to the new world. 

Zuko took a deep breath, rehearsing the speech in his mind as he attempted to tug on his shirt. That was when the shadow of a figure came in the room. 

Mai. 

Zuko smiled bright, opening his arms in an extended offer for an embrace that she walked into. Zuko had sent for her and Ty Lee’s release immediately in his de facto reign. Zuko was relieved to see she was safe, and Mai pulled back in their embrace, cupping his cheek, drawing him down for a kiss, but he pulled away, looking off. 

“Zuko?” Mai whispered, her hand running down to rest on his chest. 

“Mai, I- I can’t… I’m sorry,” Zuko spoke, holding her hand as it rested over his injured chest. 

“You can’t… what?” She asked, shaking her head in confusion. “I don’t understand… I mean… I- I saved you… I’m forgiving you… you left me in a prison, Zuko. But… but that’s over– you dumped me, but it’s over. You’re going to be fire lord. We can eat fruit tarts all day long,” she tried to joke, grabbing his face once more, and Zuko moved her hand. 

“Mai, I’m grateful, I am, trust me, but… I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I hurt you. But, I can’t. We… we don’t work, and I can’t… I’m so happy you’re safe. I’m happy to see you, I’m so thankful for what you did to save me, I am. But, Mai… we can’t… I can’t get back together with you. I’m sorry.”

Mai pulled back, anger brewing in her deep, gray eyes. She took a deep breath, pursing her lips as angry tears brewed in her eyes. She bit her tongue, glancing aside, noticing Katara eavesdropping in the corner, and she scoffed, glancing then at his chest. She’d heard the story of what Zuko had done in the war. She tried to think nothing of it. Zuko was always more of the selfless type. But, maybe her saving wasn’t enough, but he thought the same of that Water Tribe girl. That peasant. Mai shook her head. 

“Fine, Zuko… Fine,” She spat, then raising her hand, and slapping him clean across the scarred side of his face. “If a Fire Nation noble woman isn’t good enough for you, have fun with your halfbred Water peasant heirs,” she snarled, nodding towards Katara, and bolting off with tears running down her face for the first time in a long time– Mai allowed herself to feel, anger and hurt and Zuko stood, stunned, his hand in shock, hovering on the cheek still stung red beneath his scar. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/159995013257)

She probably shouldn’t have been there. She’d left to get tea from the kitchens, and the second Katara knew Mai was in the room, she should’ve stepped out. She couldn’t help it, though— this morbid curiously hung around that bland girl and her friend.

It wasn’t until the sure sound of a palm hitting skin echoed in the suite, that Katara made her presence known. 

“Are- are you okay?” Her eyes wandered over Zuko’s face. Four fingers and a thumb were evident on his cheek. “I can heal that… it won’t bruise, at least.” 

Katara set down the tray of tea, hoping he didn’t notice how her hands shook terribly. _Halfbred water peasant heirs._ The insult stung her soul as much as the slap must’ve stung him. Maybe she was just being selfish, nursing hurt feelings because her crush probably say her as nothing more than what Mai said.

She sighed, and pulled just enough water from the steaming tea pot. She cooled it with a breath, then let it glow, pressing her hand to Zuko’s swelling cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “You didn’t deserve that.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/159997184901)

“I’m fine,” Zuko dismissed, shrugging as if he didn’t care that his former girlfriend had just smacked him across the face. He tried to tell himself she didn’t mean anything by hitting his scarred cheek either, but it was hard to shake. He lowered his hand from his face, smiling at her as his robe was on the ground with only fifteen minutes to spare ‘til his coronation. “I don’t think it needs to be healed. I’m all right, thank you though,” he whispered, watching her set down tea. 

“Are… are you okay, Kat?” Zuko asked, a hand on her back gently. “It doesn’t matter… Mai is just… she has a quick temper,” Zuko excused with a scoff. “Are you nervous for me to be Fire Lord? I would be too if I were you,” he teased, then looking at her sadly. “You heard what she said…” he murmured, a statement, not a question. 

“Don’t listen to her. She’s bitter,” Zuko spoke. “It’s not true at all,” he said, blushing. “I mean, if I were to have children with you, I- I would be honored, and they’d be the most beautiful babies in the world,” Zuko spoke, going redder, “Thanks to your genes,” he added. “She’s… she’s jealous- she’s crazy, she must’ve gotten some crazy idea that… you and I were a thing… that’s… crazy… is–isn’t it?” he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing aside awkwardly, cursing himself.

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160016941682)

“ _Hah!_ Babies… yeah, _crazy…_ ” Katara trailed off, immediately yanking her hand from beneath his. She coughed awkwardly, worried that her cheeks would catch fire from how hot they were. “They’d still be half-bred.” 

She meant it as a joke— at least, she thought she did. Under the surface, something far more insidious lurked, reminding her that whatever butterflies she felt around him would have to die. He was… he was being _crowned_ , and she’d just go back to her little hovel in the South Pole when it was all over. 

What would _the Fire Lord_ want with a Water Tribe peasant?

Katara turned her back to him, swallowing down the threat of angry tears. His robes, formal, heavy things, were spread out on his bed. She paced from the balcony to collect the items, and when she was sure the telltale signs of crying had left her eyes, she brought the robes to him. 

“Here.” Her voice cracked a little. She hoped he didn’t notice. 

Either way, he raised an arm and she helped him into the clothing. Her fingers worked the fasteners down his front quickly. When she was done, Katara let her hands fall to his chest, staring blindly at the clash of red fabric against the pale skin of his neck. Then, she brushed her fingers across the velvet, acting like there was lint to be flicked away, before crossing her arms. 

For just a moment, Katara tried to memorize him, standing in his regalia with his hair still disheveled and loose. Right now, he was the friend she’d come to know and love. She wanted to remember him that way. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160019886396)

Zuko smiled at her in silence as she helped him into his robes. No words were needed. She seemed… off, and he wondered why, but before he could break the pleasant silence, he grunted as he moved in just a way that strained his wound. His whole body might as well have been a wound the way it still ached. Her words weren’t true, Mai’s nor the words Katara quoted of her. 

Her hands were resting over his chest, and his eyes were resting on hers. He wondered if she thought it was as crazy as he thought she did– them, a couple, together. Though, he knew Katara likely had plans, she probably wanted to rebuild the South, heal, see her family. Zuko didn’t blame her a bit for that, she deserved that. He’d help, if need be. He’d always help her. 

“Katara…” Zuko began, feeling bold, but losing courage and blushing with a lopsided smile instead. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160020535602)

“You’re—” She swore he was going to say something, that some confession on his lips if he’d just let it fall. She waited, but his gaze drifted away, taking her hopes with it. “You’re welcome.” 

Maybe it _was_ crazy, him and her. Maybe she was stupid for ever imaging they’d be more, and she suddenly found herself cursing the secret daydreams she harbored. Mai was right— she was a peasant. She’d never be good enough for _a king_.

The South would have to be her home. She’d have to be okay with that. She could visit these walls again, the gold and the red and the warmth. She’d never get to lose herself in _his_ warmth, though. She blinked away the dozens of nights she’d spent with him in this very room; perfectly innocent nights, full of storytelling and healing and laughter. 

She loved his laugh. 

_She loved him._

Katara felt her lashes grow wet. She blinked, eyeing him one last time, “I- I should probably go join the others. Look for me in the crowd, okay?”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160020903316)

Zuko watched her, smirking, remembering all the times he thanked her, remembering particularly the one he uttered on the brink of death and her  _“I think I’m the one who should be thanking you”._  Zuko relished in that, and her voice, her eyes, her laugh, her. He almost hated himself for loving her so badly. She didn’t need that in her life. She didn’t need him ruining everything. He could never be good enough for her. He was… Zuko, an exiled prince with a nasty scar on his face and a lackluster personality to match, full of mistakes. She was… Katara, a beautiful warrior who built herself on her own from nothing, becoming the best Waterbender alive, with a face as beautiful as her heart and personality. Not to mention, he could not ask her to stay here. She would never want to live here, and he had no choice but to stay now. Before, he’d go. He’d go live with her in a heartbeat in the Water Tribe, but now… he had no choice. More sacrifices. 

Zuko grabbed her forearms, giving them a squeeze, smiling bright at her. “You’re all I’ll see anyway,” he spoke, then blushing, chuckling and glancing aside. “I mean… I- I will, of course,” clarified Zuko, licking his lips. “Wish me luck that I won’t mess this up. I tend to mess up… nearly everything, and this is rather important,” he laughed out, and with that he embraced her tenderly, holding her close, and watching her go off. 

Then, it was time. 

Zuko took a deep breath, fastened his topknot, and greeted Aang outside the doors. They shared words, and exchanged their own embrace of their deep friendship that once seemed so paradoxical. Now, they were as close as ever, and together, they were going to rebuild the world like his forefathers did, but they were going to keep things straight, watch each other’s backs, and look out for one another. 

Zuko brought Aang out with him to give his coronation speech. Aang was the real hero, the conquerer of evil, the avatar. He was just an aide. Zuko took a deep breath, and found Katara’s eyes, and he swore she saw his, and he smiled, regaining confidence, but not looking at the crowd— looking directly at her, the girl he loved. 

Zuko spoke then, loud and clear to the now silent crowd, “Today, this war is finally over. I promised my Uncle that I would restore the honor of the Fire Nation, and I will. The road ahead of us is challenging. A hundred years of fighting has left the world scarred and divided. But with the Avatar’s help, we can get it back on the right path, and begin a new era of love and peace,” Zuko then bowed to be crowned, and when they did, the crowd went wild, and Zuko almost blushed, but he also felt far too humbled, and he pushed the way aside for Aang. 

“Please… the real hero is the Avatar.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160022027617)

_**             “You’re all I’ll see anyway.” ** _

_Was she foolish to be smiling at those words?_ They echoed in her thoughts, ever-present as the wind while Zuko knelt, the Sages adorned his hair with gold, and the crowd cheered. _Was she a fool?_

Katara thought maybe she was, until he stood and his eyes almost immediately found hers. They stayed on her, the gold glistening and glinting in the evening sun. He was beaming, _humbled,_ and she couldn’t help but join the surrounding hollers. The war was over. The world would be okay.

////////////

Some time later, she was wandering the palace’s nearly deserted halls, when she rounded a corner, almost smacking into him. 

_“Zuko!”_

She hadn’t seen him since the ceremony. No one had. Katara imagined there were dozens of documents for him to sign— official proceedings that the public would never see. Even now, he seemed breathless, like there was somewhere else he needed to be. 

Katara forced herself to ignore how _sad_ that made her, and instead, gave his bicep a short squeeze. “You looked great up there… I- I’m really proud of you.” 

She smiled, then pulled away, wondering if this would be the last she’d see of him for a while. There were a hundred things she knew she should say to him, to start, she should be _honest_ with him. She hadn’t the courage, though, nor did she wish to put any pressure on the world’s newest Fire Lord. He had enough on his shoulders. 

“Don’t be a stranger,” Katara said, chewing her lips to hold back the confessions on her tongue. “I’ll see you in Ba Sing Se, right?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160022805796/these-lives-weve-lost)

Zuko was frazzled all over all ready from being fire lord. There was so much to do, so many important, high-pressure things that could ruin the world as they knew it. Zuko felt a load off his shoulders, however, when he saw Katara’s beaming face. “Kat!” Zuko exclaimed back at her when she called his name. Zuko wanted to hug her, but held back, instead settling on smiles, and holding each others arms. 

“Are you sure?” he asked at her compliments. “I was so nervous… I sounded okay? I sounded– hopeful? I didn’t sound stupid?” Zuko asked, laughing, “Thanks… I– I hope the others agree,” Zuko said, rubbing his neck and blushing. 

“And, y-yeah… of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”


	23. These Lives We've Lost, Part 6

She didn’t leave… though her comrades and family and fellow tribesmen all ventured to their corners of the world. The Gaang made promises to meet again in Ba Sing Se in a month’s time. They boarded ships and sailed east. 

Katara, however… Katara stayed. 

The Fire Nation, for all its heat and sunshine, had started to feel more and more like home. She’d train with the soldiers in the mornings. She’d dine with Iroh in the afternoons. She’d work on Zuko’s injury in the evenings. She’d formed a routine, and for the first time in a long while, she was happy being surrounded by red. 

It all had to come to end, however. Zuko was almost whole, and the date in Ba Sing Se was fast approaching. They departed in an airship together, arriving in the Upper Ring just twenty-four hours later. 

She knew she should feel happy, _free._ All she felt was this ever-growing pit in her chest. She would miss him.

She’d learned to cherish any time she got with the new Fire Lord, and now, with the group sitting around drinking tea— Aang talking about his travels, Sokka planning to head to Kyoshi with Suki, and herself, knowing she’d have to go South after this— Katara was glad she had. 

Zuko brought around a tray of steaming cups, stopping at her last. Katara took the final serving, and brushed his wrist, “Thanks, Zuko.” 

She smiled softly, hoping he’d take the chair next to her, but he disappeared into the kitchen again. Katara watched him, then sighed, setting her tea aside. 

Aang had left, too, in favor of the open-air balcony. Katara decided to follow him. They hadn’t talked _at all_ since Ember Island. He’d been busy or traveling… she was proud of him, but she missed him. 

“Hey,” Katara called, coming up to his side. 

He glanced her way, “Hey.” 

Something in his voice was melancholy. As she rested her elbows on the railing, Katara wondered if it was just the changing seasons, but upon further thought, she figured it was _her._

Aang turned to face, like he could read her mind, and pensively tapped his fingers on the stone balcony. “Katara, I-” He faltered, like he hoped she’d fill in the blank, but she wasn’t going to this time. “You probably know already… I like you… as- as more than my friend. You said before you were confused, because of the war and stuff, but that’s over now,” his voice grew more excited, his eyes flashing up to meet hers, “and we’ve kissed a couple of times and I—” 

“ _You_ kissed me a couple of times.” 

A tense silence followed her cutting him off. Katara glanced down, then pressed her fingers to her forehead, softening her tone. 

“Aang, look,” she put a hand over his on the railing, look at him again, “I care about you, I do. You’re my _friend._ I love you… but I love you like I love my brother.” 

She saw him grimace, but ultimately, Aang tore his eyes away and let out a sad, ‘ _Okay.’_  

He pulled his fingers away, then. Before he could leave her reach, however, Katara caught his wrist and yanked him close, wrapping her friend in a tight hug. 

“That doesn’t mean I’m not incredibly proud of you, Aang.” She beamed down at him. “You helped save the world. You beat Ozai. Zuko was _right_ when he called you a hero.” 

He was smiling again when she let him go. Katara squeezed his shoulder, then her gaze followed him back to the tea shop. They’d be alright, eventually. She nodded to herself, and turned around, looking out over the quiet city.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160032147076)

Zuko was surprised Katara stayed beside him for so long. But, it was a delighted surprise. He loved seeing her for breakfast, and having tea with her in the afternoon as a break while he was working nonstop, and then they’d have the healing session and talk too long, and tell each other goodnight as they’d head to bed, or one of them would drift off in the other’s room. It was a wonderful routine, and Zuko was heartbroken it was coming to an end. He knew, though, that Katara had to head home. She had to be with her people. 

Zuko was melancholy the ride to his uncle’s, though he was ecstatic to see his beloved uncle again, as well as his friend’s. He just knew this was the end of he and Katara’s time together, and he was going to miss her so much it would hurt. The afternoon went on, they had tea, and laughed, and played. Zuko wished Mai would have came, he invited her as she seemed lonely, but she stuck her nose up at the offer. 

Finally, the day kept dragging, and the sun was setting over the skyline of the biggest city on Earth. Zuko was glad his uncle was so happy, though, he hardly even noticed the sunset or city below in the fading, iridescent light. He just saw her: Katara. Her hair glistened in the sunshine, and Aang had walked out a while ago. She was just standing there. While the Sokka doodled some picture of them all, teasing them, Zuko decided to join her on the veranda. 

“Hey,” he spoke, leaning on the rail, and he felt choked up looking at her. She was beautiful in this light, in that green dress. “It’s a beautiful evening… I’m glad everyone’s here. Who knows how long it could be before another reunion… for us too,” Zuko spoke sadly. “I’m going to miss you, Kat… I’m really, _really_ gonna miss you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160033125972)

“It’ll be hard without me around, won’t it?” She turned, smirking at him with bright, blue eyes. “Don’t worry, though. I left specific instructions with Akio to remind you that eating is a _necessity_.”

Katara reached towards him, playing jabbing his hip. “If you starve yourself to death, I’ll kill you.” Then, her touch turned soft, and her fingers trailed up to the center of his abdomen. She could feel the hardened muscles there, the flex of them as he breathed in and out. More so, she searched for any lingering pain. 

“Are you sure—” Was he sure of _what?_ That he was fine? She knew he was… she’d spent night after night beneath the moon ensuring that very thing.  Was he sure she could leave? Well, what sense did it make for her to stay, if he’d healed and the world was at peace? 

Katara dropped her hand, wishing she could ask for just another week, another month— _hell_ , she wanted to ask if he’d runaway. They could disappear, live out their days toiling over a small plot of land, bending for hours after the last rays of the evening sun. She could be understood, accepted… she could have him.

“—Nevermind.”

She looked away, no longer having the strength to meet his shining eyes. Her gaze traveled, instead, over the rooftops and streets of the Upper Ring. Her fingers clutched the balcony tightly, and she wished, for once, that things could just stay the same.

“A lot’s changed, hasn’t it?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160034982206)

Zuko laughed at her teasing, leaning on the balcony and letting his eyes wander over all the little lights that were becoming more and more visible the further the sun drifted down. When she began a question, his gaze shifted back to the prettier sight, and he smiled, tiredly, but genuinely. His heart tugged knowing there’d be no Katara to talk to until his eyes drooped tomorrow night. This was it, their last night together in Spirits knew how long. 

He pursed his lips at her spontaneous statement, nodding. “Y-Yeah… it has,” Zuko whispered. “So much… Last year, I was banished… this year… I’m the fire lord,” he laughed, “And, more than that… I met you,” he spoke, blushing fervently. He remembered asking his uncle for advice. He said that he had to put the tea bag in to steep while the water was hot, otherwise, it would be too late, and the tea would never steep. Zuko took a deep breath, hoping, at least, their friendship was strong enough to withhold her unrequited feelings. But, the moment felt too right. His uncle was right. 

“A lot’s changed how I– I felt about you too, Kat…” Zuko began, his cheeks nearly on fire, and he knew the literal feeling. “I mean… last year, I was so stupid, and I couldn’t stand you- we were enemies… now… now I- I care about you so much, Kat. You– You’re my best friend, and I… I think… no, I know I like you more than… a friend, and well, even more than that, I know… well, Katara you see, I don’t expect you to feel the same, but I- I realized, when I was dying… aftter the lightning, that I well… Katara… I–” Zuko was blushing, his mind racing, his uncle’s words echoing in screaming racing thoughts in his mind, just say it, Zuko! Say it! Say it! The water is going cold! Steep the tea! Say it. 

“Katara, I love you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160036598307)

Her mouth fell open, words seemingly impossible as nothing was capable of following such a statement. 

“You—” 

She shook her head slowly, her eyes filling with wonder, _excitement_. Her skin felt alive, her blood roared in her ears, and all she could think in that moment was how badly she wanted to be in his arms. 

He wasn’t far. His lips were so close she could feel his breath… and his gaze seemed eager, like- like he wanted this, like he wouldn’t push her away. 

Katara pressed up on her toes, not waiting a second longer. Her mouth was the first to reach him, colliding with his soft, warm lips. Then, her arms followed, wrapping tight ‘round his neck. He seemed shocked at first, every inch of him tense. In a matter of seconds, though, he relaxed, and his hands drifted up her back.

She could’ve stayed like that forever, kissing him, holding him. It was perfect. 

_He was perfect._

Eventually, however, Katara pulled away. 

“You love me?” She asked.

Zuko nodded. Her fingers linked behind his neck. She trembled a little, from both elation and nerves… but, her voice didn’t waver when she looked him the eye and whispered, “I love you, too.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160055815821)

 

Zuko felt like he was dreaming. His head was pounding and racing, and he was taken off guard when her lips collided against his. At first he was stunned, and he stood there like an idiot, soaking in what was happening. When he finally came to terms with it, he smiled, his eyes fluttering shut as he returned the kiss, and sinking against her, his shoulders relaxing, and his stomach full of butterflies. It was more exhilarating than anything he’d ever done with Mai or any girl. His hands ran up her back, and his heart felt so light, like it was singing. 

  When she pulled back, he was smiling like the giddy, lovestruck fool that he was, almost forgetting what he said– and what he was waiting on in return. He didn’t think he could get much happier, but Katara put on icing that _made_ the cake. She loved him too. Zuko smiled brighter and wider, the lopsided grin baring all his pearly whites at her, shaking his head in disbelief. He laughed joyfully and then tugged her into an embrace. 

   Zuko didn’t know what the future held. He didn’t know what kind of fire lord he would be, what kind of man he’d be, if he and Katara could ever be together, or what was going to happen, but in the moment, he allowed himself to not worry. He allowed himself to be consumed in joy from the bond he’d forged with Katara, and let himself be engulfed in her arms, and in her love, and hoped to return it all tenfold in kind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus concludes, These Lives We've Lost.


	24. These Lies We Believe, Part 1

Her fingers traced over the betrothal necklace around her neck, and for a moment, Katara let herself imagine it’d been a gift from _him._

She could see a stone of understated grandeur, the face holding symbols of him and her, perhaps with gold interwoven to represent his homeland. She wondered if he’d make the band red or blue… or another color entirely.  With deeper thought, she imagined him leaving this necklace as it was. 

Who she was and what she wanted had always been so important to him. He’d never do anything to take away from it, even something as simple as asking her to wear a different necklace ‘round her throat. 

_So why had she let him go?_

Every now and again, her lips would burn with the memory of their kiss. Even after two years, she could recall that moment like it was yesterday. 

_**            Katara, I love you. ** _

Did he still? It’d been so long. She hadn’t seen him since. 

_**            I love you, too. ** _

Those words still rang true for her. She dreamt about him, thought about him, breathed for him. If only she’d kept him. 

The world had been a mess. They were a mess. He had a country to repair, she had a heart to heal… this time, her own heart. There was turmoil and fear and too much strife to picture a relationship between them.  _Back then_. Together, after the bliss of the kiss and eight little words faded away, they’d let each other go.

Katara spent every second since _missing_ him. 

She sighed, letting her mother’s necklace go and turning from the mirror. She should be busying herself with chores, not day dreaming. 

Just as she stooped to collect a basket of laundry, Sokka burst into the room, his eyes wide and lips reddened. 

“Katara!” 

She raised a brow, “What is it?”

“A ship’s coming to port!” He exclaimed, acting like this very thing didn’t happen everyday.  

“A ship?” She feigned interest, “From where?” 

Sokka rolled his eyes, like the answer should just be obvious given his state of excitement. “Caldera.” 

Her heart stopped. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160065272571)

The first year had been difficult for him. He hated it. He was lonely, he kept messing up, he had nowhere to turn, his friends were busy, he almost started another war over the colonies before Aang was called in and the two, along with the Earth King settled on a compromise. It was then that Aang noticed eighteen-year-old Zuko’s deteriorating state. He was depressed, and buried himself in work. He hardly ate, and any slept was ceased by reckless nightmares. He’d tried to talk Aang into making a promise to end his life if he became like his father, but Katara lost her mind when she overheard, and stopped it. During these times, he wished she hadn’t, and wished Aang would just from what he felt were his failures and this relentless misery.

Zuko even took up speaking to his father, in desperation. But, it went nowhere, only adding to his depression. He felt like a figurehead puppet. The Fire lord was all he was, he lost semblance of Zuko. He felt no one cared about Zuko, only the Fire lord. This solidified when he casted doubt amongst himself, and Aang refuted furiously that he wasn’t fire lord for himself, but for the world. Zuko knew that well. That was the problem. Zuko was gone. All that was left was the Fire Lord.

Aang later apologized. He hadn’t meant that. Zuko had been too stubborn, as usual, to contact his friends or his uncle. Aang noted the sunken eyes, the frayed hair, the sallow and hallow skin, and his overly thin form, and brought Iroh to Zuko. Zuko had felt too guilty to ruin his uncle’s teashop, which was such a success, and made his uncle so happy, after all he had done for him for years. But, Iroh put the teashop on hold, and opened a second Jasmine Dragon right outside the palace. He told Zuko he was far more important, and stayed and counseled him until he felt more whole, more himself, happier.

His uncle’s guidance, presence, and love brought Zuko back to life, not just the Fire lord. Four months ago, Iroh went back to Ba Sing Se with Zuko’s promise he would contact him if he needed anything at all, even just a hug. Zuko was always exceeding grateful to have his uncle. But, the other person he loved equally as unconditionally, but more passionately, had fell off. They were writing in the beginning, Zuko wrote to them all. He wrote Sokka, Suki, Aang, Toph, his uncle, and mostly, Katara. He’d send multiple letters at once, as would she, until the sinking depression had set in- and Zuko was scared it would relay onto his letters, and hurt or worry her. He refused to burden anyone like that, so he dropped off, hoping they’d assume he was simply preoccupied in Fire lord duties. Which, he always had been. He never had time to eat or sleep, even if he had wanted to. But- he made time for Katara.

He hoped she didn’t hate him now. He wanted to write her again. He felt better now. It had been a year since those trying times, and he felt good. He wanted to help the South, he wanted to help the world more- not jsut with Aang and his project for the United Republic of Nations. He wanted to help Katara. He still loved her as much as the day he leapt in front of lightning, if not more- as distance makes the heart grow fonder. He doubted that Katara still felt the same. She’d grown up, caught up with the boys her age in her tribe. It was unlikely her feelings were anything more than fleeting, but as tears flooded his eyes and he ran into her arms in the chattering cold, he prayed not.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160067370277)

“Zuko?” 

She couldn’t believe it. He was here, decked in red, regal regalia, his jet black hair pulled up on his head. He smelled like smoke and spice, his body warm. His fingers clutched her lower back. He was in her arms. 

And gods above, he felt _good_. 

Katara held onto him for what had to be an inappropriate amount of time. There were others waiting to greet him, her father, her bother, elders. She was afraid, though, afraid if she let him go, he’d slip away as easily as he did after Ba Sing Se. 

“You stopped writing me,” she mumbled into his cloak, fighting the sting of tears. “Why’d you stop writing me?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160068895961)

Zuko wanted to stay in Katara’s arms for the rest of his life. They were warm amidst the cold, inviting and loving. His mind still wandered to that very question. Did she still love him? He laughed excitedly, spinning her around in his arms. He was on the brink of tears, it ached so, remembering how much he missed her.

At her painful inquiry, Zuko pulled back. He didn’t want to burden her with the truth, but he didn’t want to lie. He decided on a half truth, or rather, not the whole truth, but no lie.

“I stopped writing everyone. I’m so sorry. I got so caught up in all my new duties so quickly… the United Republic… everything, I hardly had time to even sleep. But, that’s going to end now. I promise. Agni, Kat, I missed you like you wouldn’t believe.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160072642747)

“Oh—” Katara wanted to say he shouldn’t’ve stopped writing someone he claimed he loved, but she halted her words by biting her tongue— “Did you keep getting the letters I wrote?” 

She felt him stiffen, and he let her go, something like _regret_ running through his gaze. Katara danced back, building an arm’s length of space between them as _hurt_ built up in her chest. 

“You didn’t _read_ them. Did you even _**keep**_ them?” 

Her eyes sank to the snow with the statement. He didn’t answer. His breath only rushed out in a low hiss and she had her confirmation. She swore she saw a teardrop fall from her lashes before it froze at her feet. Katara swiped a hand across her cheek, refusing any more the chance. 

She looked sideways, spying Sokka and her father approaching on the white-dusted docks. A smile forced its way to her lips, “Well… _it doesn’t matter_. We all missed you, a lot. I- I’m glad you’re here now.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160073356131/these-lies-we-believe)

He did keep them. They were all in his desk. He didn’t have the courage to read them. They’d hurt. He’d owe a reply, then. More so. A reply would hurt her. Right now, he wished he’d been honest. Perhaps that would hurt her less. Zuko sighed deeply, at a loss for words, but wanting to say everything on his mind. She was the only person that would have the ears for something that jumbled anyway. 

Zuko swallowed thickly, and pursed his lips. “I’m so glad to see you again,” Zuko spoke, blushing, and then looking at all his friends, “All– All of you,” he said with a chuckle. He was a bit nervous too, to be here. The last time he paid a call, he’d wreaked havoc. Now, he wanted to help them build. “I’m so excited to be back in the Southern Water Tribe- a beautiful country with an even more beautiful people.”


	25. These Lies We Believe, Part 2

Katara smiled that evening, when even a quickly thrown together banquet caught Zuko by surprise. Her father gave a short speech to the gathered tribe members, something about forgiveness and redemption. So much of it was a blur to her, as her gaze kept drifting to the Fire Lord sitting across from her, and every time his eyes found hers, her ears would ring. 

“I have to ask…” She leaned forward, her tongue stumbling over exactly what her inquiry was. Did he think about her? Did her dream about her? _Did he still love her?_ If he’d asked her these same things, she would’ve answered  _‘yes,’_ but so much of her feared his response. 

Before she could press any further, however, Hakoda took his place bedside him, and those golden eyes left hers behind. Katara _liked_ that Zuko could chat amiably with her father. She’d much rather he be chatting with _her,_ but she wasn’t going to make a scene. 

She ate her meal in relative silence, finally finding a chance to escape after her waterbending students had performed. 

The outside air was frigid, yet still. The moonlight clung to the snow, casting an ethereal white glow across the huts and homes spread out below. The tribe had come so far in two years. Katara turned her eyes skyward, not even pulling away when quiet footsteps halted behind her. 

She didn’t need to look to know who it was. 

“Why are you here?” 

Her fingers tensed on the balcony’s railing.  

“It’s been two years since you’ve seen me, and six months since you’ve written me—” Katara fought the trembling in her voice. She imagined she could pass it off as the cold… if she were talking to anyone else. Zuko knew her too well, he’d hear the hurt in her tone and he’d try to fix it. But after his months of silence, she wasn’t sure she wanted _him_ to be the one fixing it. 

She repeated her question, this time harsher. “ _Why_ are you here?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160106897156)

Zuko knew he could find her out there. After the warmth and laughter of company amidst the frigid air, he knew she’d thrust herself back out into it, looking for answers in that starry, night sky. It was so cold Zuko swore if he did cry, his tears would freeze right to his face. Her question was one he got often. No one really eve got why he showed up. 

“I missed you terribly,” Zuko whispered, “If you’re asking why I came,” he spoke into the freezing night sky, his breath fogged in its wake. “I thought about you… every day… every night,” he spoke. “I didn’t want to tell you… I didn’t want you or anyone to be burdened, or worry, or anything like that… and I wanted everyone to believe in me. I wanted to prove I was worth something, I could do it, I could accomplish it… I didn’t want to be a failure,” Zuko spoke. 

“I didn’t tell you the entire story this morning, and… I wasn’t going to because I thought that would be better for you, but now I see… I can tell… you hate me, with good reason because I didn’t give you any real explanation, and you know it,” Zuko said, unable to try a glance her way.

“I was messed up, Kat… there were seven attempts on my life the last year I was fire lord. There have been two this year. I took that as signs of failure. The Earth King almost declared war because I couldn’t straighten things out… I was alone in that palace… I didn’t have anyone, and it was my fault, but I didn’t want to be a bother… I was… I fell apart… I wanted to die. I wanted to die so badly. I wanted one of those assassins to win. I even started talking to my father, that was when I wanted to die, when it got so bad. If it weren’t for the onus I felt, I don’t know… I don’t know… but Aang… he came for politics… not to see me… no one ever came, and I couldn’t go, and I just felt–” Zuko inhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Aang came… Zuko was gone, the fire lord was all that was left, and Aang saw that. I… I didn’t eat… I didn’t sleep, when I did, I woke up screaming. Aang brought my uncle home.”

Zuko looked at her, sighing. “It was so much better then. I felt so guilty. He’d done the world for me, and I was badgering him, when he was happy– his teashop? He closed it, temporarily but still, for me. But… he helped me. He helped me reign, got me to sleep… I just– I had someone. I needed that for a while. I’m okay now. Uncle went back to Ba Sing Se after I promised I’d let him know if I needed anything, but… that’s why. That’s why I didn’t write. I didn’t want to guilt you, or make anyone pity me… and I’m humiliated to explain all this now, but… you– if anyone deserves to hear it, it’s you, Kat. Because, it’s been years, I know, but… to me… well, I’m sure to you, especially after you heard that, I’m just… to you, but… you– to me… I–”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160301500382)

“Do you still love me?” She cut him off, her voice as hard and biting as the frozen night that cloaked them. Her question made his eyes flick back to hers, a pervasive fear keeping the gold shrouded in doubts and his lips only parted, no sound coming out. “Do you honestly believe I’m angry? That I hate you? Is that what you think my _attitude_ is about? Is that why you’re silent now?”

Katara knew she’d been standoffish, maybe even harsh, ever since he embraced her in the dusting snow and _lied_ his way passed her questions. It wasn’t anger, though, or hatred, or fury— contrary to his belief. She felt betrayed. _**Again.**_ And unexpectedly, it hurt worse than the knife he drove into her back beneath Ba Sing Se.

She swallowed a lump that suddenly appeared in her throat, gritting her teeth together so her jaw set with a frigid ferocity. She had a thousand words on the tip of her tongue, a hundred things she wanted to say— _how could you not trust me with this? how could you think I wouldn’t care? how could you believe so little of me?_ Katara glanced away, and all that fell from her lips was a faint whisper.

“I didn’t stop loving you, Zuko.” She heard him inhale, but didn’t return her eyes to his. The quickly blurring shape of his blackened boots was more easily keeping her attention. “I didn’t stop and I prayed every day that you’d come here or ask me to come there, but you _didn’t._ And you didn’t trust me with your pain… you stopped talking to me altogether.” Katara crossed her arms, turning around to glare out over the cityscape once more. “I’m hurt, Zuko. Not angry. Not hateful. _I’m hurt.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160304917066)

She cut him off, causing him to grip the wooden post through his gloves. Her question caught him off guard, though he had a simple answer. Of course he did. Every second of every hour of every day, he loved her. “I’m quiet because I’m full of guilt,” Zuko whispered. “I know… I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I was scared. I was scared to talk to anyone. I was stupid to be scared,” he admitted, “And, I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t want you to think I was a failure. I didn’t want to bother you down here… I didn’t want you to be disappointed… I didn’t… I was scared you…  you didn’t love me anymore… I don’t know, and then… when Uncle came, and I felt better… I thought you’d hate me for what I’d done,” Zuko spoke. 

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t come, really. There was so much, Kat. So much was going on. I almost started a war, Katara. What if I had? What if I started another war? The Fire Nation? Ozai’s son? A year after peace was brought? And then… you were brought into it? I didn’t want to do it to you… and I’m sorry. I should’ve kept writing, but… I didn’t want you to know how upset I was because… I was ashamed. I was ashamed things were still bothering me. I was ashamed I wasn’t handling things well at all on my own. I promised I’d fix things the Fire Nation did, and I almost started a war. I… I really messed up… with you, with my uncle, with Aang… with my people, with the world… everything, and I worry I don’t belong on the throne, and… I’m… I’m just sorry. I don’t know if that’s enough, but I am. I’m really sorry.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160306817322)

“Great, _you’re sorry,_ ” Katara bit out, feeling unusually cold in the night. 

She was normally so comfortable here, so content, but it was like he’d reached out and frozen her soul. She’d barely registered a thing he’d said, beyond another dozen excuses and guilt and _**nothing**_ about loving her, too.  

Now, she felt too exposed— she imagined this was how her brother’s prey felt, moments before its life was taken to fuel the lives of her tribesmen. Open and raw and _trembling_ upon the snow. She’d bared herself to him, the goddamn Fire Lord, and bless his heart, he’d so _gracefully_ avoided the subject. 

Katara _had_ to gather her wounded pride, however. She had to force it down before she did anything that’d earn her people some ill favor with him. So, _what?_ He didn’t love her back. It’d been two years— was she really such a _foolish girl_ to think teenage love would last? 

Keeping her voice level and light, she turned a tight smile to him. “You doubt yourself too much, Zuko. You close yourself off and you get lost in your head.” 

If he didn’t love her, didn’t want her, that was fine. She’d grow. She’d move on. She’d marry someone in the tribe and forget they ever had anything. _Eventually._   Right now, she simply wanted Zuko to reach out. If not for her, than for his own good.

“Maybe, if you’d ask for help once in a blue moon, you’d see that you’ve done a wonderful job with the mess of a country you were given.” Katara shrugged, dismissing his feelings of doubt and her feelings of regret, simultaneously. “It wasn’t your fault in Yu Dao. Aang wouldn’t listen to you… and the Earth King didn’t either. You did your best— and if that’s not enough for you, just look at my home. This prosperity we have isn’t without your help.” Her smile actually became real as she eyed the city, and Katara added, “I hope you know, the second I found out about that stupid promise the both of you had, I nearly stopped Aang’s heart. If he wasn’t the _Avatar._..” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160313226766)

Zuko recoiled at her words, assuming now that it was too late. He’d messed up too badly. Katara would never want him now. Zuko watched her with hesitance, guilt ebbing at him. He wish he hadn’t been so afraid. He was afraid to speak to his own uncle. Why was he so afraid to ask for help?

He smiled hesitantly as she spoke with praise about the water tribe renovations. But, then- that promise came up and Zuko’s breath caught in his throat. She had known. She knew what was going on, and she didn’t come. Zuko looked away. It hurt, that Aang had nearly killed him without a second thought. Even with the promise he forced him to make. It hurt.

He blushed then, looking at her. He waited for a ship. He waited her for her to stubbornly show up on his shores uninvited. That was silly. It was his fault. But, he daydreamed about her, beside him, always. Maybe it wasn’t as obvious to her as it was to him, and the rest of the universe.

“Kat… I thought it was obvious, but I know it’s always nice to hear… I love you more than anything. The kind of love I have for you isn’t something that could ever go away. I’m in love with you, Kat. I have been for every second you’ve been gone. My heart ached, really ached, missing you. I love you. I love you so much. I’ll do whatever you need to forgive me… I just hope I didn’t lose you because Agni knows that would be my biggest mistake, and that’s saying quite a bit,” he teased as his eyes clouded over, unable to meet hers in shame and feelings of now inadequacy due to it.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160318543392)

She felt heat rise to her cheeks, a shy pink coloring her nose, making her eyes light up. Katara nearly choked on her own breath, “Why didn’t you just say so?”

Katara turned his way, her gloved fingers coming up to ghost along the line of jaw. Her move brought his eyes to her, the gold wary and uncertain. She hoped he saw security in her steady blue.

“The kind of love I have for _you_ isn’t something that could ever go away,” she repeated his words. _Exactly_. A tinge of doubt colored her tone, however, and Katara lead into a question with a long, pent-up sigh. “We’d still have the same problem, though, wouldn’t we? As we did in Ba Sing Se? The world is stable, but it isn’t where we want it. You have so much on your plate and I have responsibilities here…”

She pursed her lips, trailing off and searching him for any sort of concrete answer.

“This _wouldn’t_ work, would it?”

To keep him from seeing the tears that would surely fall, Katara stepped back, then cast her eyes in the direction of the banquet hall. She could hear the music and cheering as it trickled out across the snow. She pulled further from him, her fists tightening at her sides. 

“It- it was—” she choked on tightness in her throat— “It was nice to see you, Zuko. I should get back.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160319127941)

Zuko smiled slightly, leaning into the young waterbender’s touch as his eyes fluttered shut. Oh, how he missed her touch. He missed her. He was a fool for going so long outside her arms. But, as she pulled away, his eyes reopened and the tightness in his scarred chest returned. “I want it to work,” he told her. “Us. I want us to work,” Zuko clarified determinedly. He sighed, though, the world was a mess. There were still attempts on his life. There was a huge division about Yu Dao.

Her words made t sound like she was dismissing him already, for his entire trip, and it made his heart seize in his chest. “No!” He called out, a little more dramatic than he meant, then causing him to blush. He took a deep breath, “I just mean– please, I don’t want that to happen again. It was all my fault, but please, Kat. Please I can’t lose touch with you again. I messed up, i know I did. I crumpled up so much parchment of drafts of letters I wrote to you. I was so lonely, and you were the only person I really wanted to see,” Zuko whispered. “I wish I sent them, now. I was too… I was too prideful… I was too… I was scared, that was so stupid. I should have known both you and Uncle wouldn’t see me as a bother. Please, Katara… please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you… I actually thought then I was sparing you pain. That was so stupid of me. Please don’t cut me out of your life. I want so badly to be a part of it.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160340947887)

“But you’re still the Fire Lord!”

Katara whirled in the snow, the words tangible as her breath puffed out into the cold air. She sniffed, crossing her arms and shrugging like it should be obvious to him. They’d had this same conversation before… in person and in letters.

“People have expectations of you…" she said, blue eyes watching his face carefully. She knew it must sting, all the same as it stung her when he said it two years ago. “I’m not naive. I watched Yue go through it, the arranged betrothal, the pressure, the duty to her country over her heart. It’ll be the same for you.

Katara faltered over what she wanted to say next. She really didn’t have to voice it. He already knew. _‘I have to protect myself.’_ And again, like all the times before, her mind wandered down the list of just what she was protecting herself from: him, his nation, his title. She’d be happy for a time, more than likely, but all she saw was heartbreak.

She swallowed tight, "We _can’t,_ Zuko… I- I don’t— No one is going to want a waterbender as your wife.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160342085966/these-lies-we-believe)

The fire lord. Once again, all he was was the fire lord. Her words felt like Azula’s Sozin Comet-powered lightning bolt to his chest. He felt like the wind was knocked out of him, but he maintained his steadfast composure. Of all the people who labeled him as ‘the fire lord’, Katara was one he never would have expected to be added to that list. He’d add every last person on earth before her, yet here he was, standing in the snowy tundras at the very literal end of the earth, becoming just that. 

Zuko had to keep calm, even as he rolled half of his lower lip beneath his teeth. “I see,” Zuko spoke, not able to say much else for fear he’d break like the icicles hanging above when the wind knocked them to the pavement. “Most of all, what you’re saying is, the waterbender would never want herself as _the fire lord’s_ wife. I understand. If that’s what you want, I’ll collect my things.”

“It was nice to see you, Katara.”

This was why she didn’t come when she knew. This was why it was all falling apart. No matter what, to everyone, in the end, his identity- his position- was all that mattered, whether it was the banished prince, the prince with perks, or the fire lord. Zuko was a secondary concern to everyone, even and most especially to himself. 


	26. These Lies We Believe, Part 3

“He’s leaving, Katara.“  

She didn’t turn, even when her dad’s timbre tone reverberated on the small, fur-lined hut. She felt him come closer, the scent of smoked meat and salt enveloping her. 

Hakoda settled on the bed beside her, a palm spread across her upper back. “You won’t be saying goodbye?“  

“Why should I?” She snapped, her blue eyes darting up to their nearly perfect match. “He knows where I am. He’d come here if he wanted to.“  

“Love, he sailed around the world for you.“ 

Katara shook her head stubbornly, “He sailed around the world to check on _the state of things._ " 

"You’re both so ridiculous,” her father chuckled under his breath. “A hissed conversation here, a look shared there— you love him. He loves you. I don’t know why you’re giving up an opportunity to be with him."  

"He’s _the Fire Lord_ , Dad."  

"And, you’re a chieftain’s daughter." Her father caught onto the insecurities hidden in her whisper, the fear that she wouldn’t please the Fire Nation, that she would only ever be a Water Tribe peasant. _Zuko’s words, not hers._  "Plus, so much more… a master, a healer, a friend…” Hakoda’s voice rose with amusement, “The object of the Fire Lord’s affections.”  

“His title means nothing to me.” Katara grumbled, then gave way to a tired sigh. “Zuko could be… well, just Zuko…"  

She stared at the floor, her thoughts far away in the journeys of the past. She’d never told her dad much about her travels, or about Yon Rha, or the story of how Zuko looked at her like she couldn’t be a better addition to his world.  

"He could be no one, Dad, and I’d still love him." 

"Then, you should go tell him that."  

Katara frowned, her attention pulling up to the walls and her vanity, to her dad.  "He’s leaving. You just said—" She couldn’t grasp what he meant. Or maybe, it was that she was _afraid_ to. It meant stepping out of a place where she’d grown comfortable. 

"I know, darling."  

"You- you mean go tell him… go _with_ him." 

Hakoda’s eyes were kind, sparkling with a hint of amusement _and_ a look that she knew he’d share with her mother, if Kya were here. 

Katara swallowed a growing lump in her throat, forcing back tears that rose anyways. She never thought he’d _tell_ her leave, after years of being apart, after barely repairing the relationship they’d had when she was little. Katara lurched forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"I love you, Daddy.” She buried her nose in his shoulder. “When will I see you again?"  

Hakoda laughed, then pulled back, holding her shoulders and smiling, "There’s a meeting of the council in a few months… I imagine I’ll be there, if not to update the Fire Lord, then to frazzle my daughter’s boyfriend.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160358464136)

Zuko was heartbroken about his confrontation with Katara. He knew he’d messed up terribly. He expected anger, shouting, maybe tears. He did not expect her to dismiss him as the Fire Lord. It made his blood run colder than the frigid air around him. 

He stood on the dock of the boat, his heart incredibly heavy. He was leaving far, far earlier than planned, and told the captain to steer to the Earth Kingdom- to Ba Sing Se. He didn’t want to be alone with his broken heart. He was scared he may slip into the past. He was scared of lying awake, or jolting awake at his desk after dozing off at the paranoid fear of another assassin. 

Zuko was surprised when a juxtaposing hot tear rolled down his cold, rosy cheek. He wiped away quickly, and turned to the captain. "Steer clear ahead to Ba Sing Se." 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160358982597)

She was alone in the dim flickering firelight when footsteps echoed down the galley. She recognized the footfalls, tired… a lingering hint of pride. _Zuko._

Katara bolted off his bed, forgetting to fluff the pillows to their former state and froze in the center of his quarters. A thousand niggling thoughts drifted through her head: _what if he didn’t want her here? what if he hated her? what if he told her to leave?_ She knew she’d hurt him just hours ago… She just didn’t know how badly. 

The door’s bolt turned, the handle unlatched, and her wandering worries were cut off by a surprised gasp. She met wide, gold eyes— and, for a moment, completely forgot everything she’d meant to say. 

_              "He could be no one, Dad, and I’d still love him."  _

Her words to her father came bubbling up, reminding her of her purpose being stowed away in his room. Katara squared her shoulders, inhaling sharply for exactly three seconds— _slow heart, slow down_ — then, stared at him.

“Zuko. _Fire Lord_ Zuko.” She wasn’t exactly sure how he’d prefer to be addressed, given she’d snuck onto his ship and scared the living daylights from him. “I’m going with you, to… wherever you’re going. I don’t care anymore, what people might think.” Katara gasped, her nerves and her breath finally catching up to her. “You’ve loved me.. since you were seventeen. I’m done throwing that away.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160359256401)

Finally, Zuko moved from the shivering cold to the warmth of the inside of the ship. He took a cup of tea and yawned as he trudged to his quarters. He hated ships and voyages with a passion. It was something few knew. Katara had known. She was probably the only person he ever told. He told her teasingly on Appa, that it was better than a boat. He said he hated ships because of his years and leagues at sea, banished and broken. Zuko sighed, knowing he’d never get that girl out of his mind as he pushed open the clanky, metal door. 

That was when he dropped the teacup in shock. His mouth hung ajar, but not without a smirk dangling off the agape visage. But, her greeting had his lips purse shut, and he rolled his eyes impulsively at her address of him. Fire Lord. Again. Always. 

Still, he was stunned speechless, but not entirely surprised. She was Katara, and well, “Now I know how so many assassins have gotten into my chambers. Some guards let a stowaway on board… and with your skills? I’d be a dead man in a second flat if so were your intentions,” he teased her, but then she was speaking.  

And his heart was warm. “You’re coming? To the Fire Nation?” he asked, surprised, but a wide, askew smile on his face. He felt light as a feather, but he worried. “But, what about your reform on the Water Tribe? Your training? I don’t want you to have to stop. You’ve done so much. Are you… you’re serious? You want to stay with me…? The fire lord?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160370642162)

“The Fire Lord?” She teased, repeating him. “You get so  _wounded_ anytime another calls you that, yet, here you are, announcing your title _so proudly_ for me.” 

Katara smirked, closing the few paces between them until she could feel his warmth caressing her skin. It was tangible, the heat that came with him, as comforting and familiar as the hearth in her fur-covered hut. 

She wanted more… but she wasn’t sure if he’d welcome a kiss or a hug, so Katara simply fingered the elbow of his sleeve. “You’ve never been anything more than Zuko to me. Crown or not, a world leader or not… I loved you as _both._ So, _yes…”_

Katara glanced up, finding glistening eyes enraptured with her. 

“Yes,” she said again, “despite my work here, despite the restoration, the bending school, the responsibilities I have here, I’m coming _with_ you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160371964731)

Zuko still wasn’t amused as she kept calling him the Fire lord, and pointing out how it stung him. He rolled his eyes again, the sarcastic point in his facetiously proud announcement gone overseen. But, that was all forgotten when she came up to him, and spoke softly.

She didn’t care. She didn’t care about his title. Zuko smiled genuinely this time, his cheeks feeling warm, and his heart feeling light as air. He put his hands on her waist, giving a gentle squeeze.

"I don’t want you to have to give those things up, Kat. They were so good- you were doing such good,” Zuko whispered. “I love you, Kat. That’s why I don’t want to take you away from all you have here… all you’ve done, all you’re doing… I’m not worth that, I mean, you shouldn’t let go of that for me. I can’t let you do that,” Zuko spoke, his head against her forehead affectionately the whole time he spoke to her. He closed his eyes, rubbing his rosy-tipped nose against hers, and intrinsically, his lips collided with hers.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160373180647)

“Are you telling me…” Her murmured question was cut off, halted by soft lips against her own. She swallowed her thought, breathing him in deeply— the smell of soap, the taste of spice.

It was as perfect as the first time, just as gentle, just as sweet. He kissed with a tender urgency, and she spurred him on with her hands in his hair. If she’d had her way, Katara wouldn’t have stopped. But, in time, Zuko’s fingers squeezed at her waist and he pulled away. 

She searched his face, nervous now that her earlier query resurfaced. “ _You can’t let me do that_ … Does you mean you’re telling me no? Are you telling me to stay here?” 

“Zuko,” She let go his raven strands, shaking hands sliding down his shoulders to his arms. Katara held him tight, imagining she could somehow convince him to let her stay with just a firm touch. “Please… I- I don’t want to be anywhere else. I want to be with _you.”_

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160374072571)

Her lips were just as soft, warm, and welcoming as he remembered two years ago. He missed the feeling of her lips against his own, and he ached to accept her into his home. He wanted to give her a spot, a place with him in the Fire Nation. But, he didn’t want to strip her of all she was, of all that made her glow, of all the parts he fell in love with. He pulled back, an idea nestled in his mind, and  a smile proudly displayed on his lovestruck face. 

“I want you to be happiest, Kat,” Zuko told her. “That’s what I’m telling you… I want whatever choice to be for you, not me or anyone else,” he told her. “I want you with me so, so badly… I’ve been daydreaming about it for two years… but I don’t ask because I don’t want to take you from your people, your goals, your dreams, your home, your family,” Zuko explained. 

“I don’t know if this is something you might be interested in, but… maybe you could have a bit of both. You could come with me, and keep helping your people, and I’ll come with you. I’ll help too,” he murmured. “I have an ambassador to the Earth Kingdom, and the Northern Water Tribe, but… not the Southern Tribe,” Zuko whispered. “Katara…?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160377855427)

katara smiled, now warm from the promise in his words _and_ his kiss. “You… want _me_ to do it? How often would I get to travel back?” 

She pictured herself in the Fire Nation then, as more than his friend, more than his lover— if things came that. She could see herself dressed in hues of red and blue, working, rebuilding. Even so far away, she’d be touching the lives of everyone she loved. 

Katara wrapped her arms ‘round his waist, trembling with excitement, “ _God_ , Zuko. I- I don’t know what to say. Well,”  she blushed, looking up and grinning at how brightly his eyes glistened, “besides _yes._ I’d love to. Yes.”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160379691251/these-lies-we-believe)

Zuko smiled fondly at her, nodding with a inquisitive shake of his head at her self doubt. "Of course,” he replied warmly. He wrapped his arms around her tight, holding her close. “You would be the absolute best- the paragon for the job,” Zuko explained sincerely. He truly couldn’t think of a better person who fit the bill and filled the role so perfectly.

“You can be back as often as you want,” Zuko spoke smiling, “I would never tell you otherwise,” he said with a laugh. “I want you to be happy, Kat.”


	27. These Lies We Believe, Part 4

“Did I hear it right that you’re headed to Ba Sing Se?” Katara blushed in his arms, her hands flat on the lapel of his cloak. “I’ve… been in here a while. I heard the captain talking…” 

Katara bit her lip and pulled away. “And… I should probably let you get back to him.” 

She wanted to kiss him again, and keep kissing him, keep him holed up in this very room for the rest of their journey… but she figured that wouldn’t be practical, given he had responsibilities and important things to say. 

Separated from him, Katara perched on the edge of his bed, her chin in her hands. “I— I don’t want to seem over eager, but I have to let the crew know where to put my belongings…” she trailed off, her lips pressed together. “Don’t get mad at them for helping me,” Katara said quickly. 

“I’m very persuasive,” she shrugged, “so perhaps I can persuade you to let me stay in here?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160592130021)

“He was talking, huh?” Zuko spoke jocularly with a tender smirk. He wanted to stay in here with Katara forever. “Maybe I’ll banish him to sea,” Zuko said ironically, laughing softly at his own banter as he leaned in to kiss her. “I’m the fire lord, aren’t I?” he teased, “Maybe I don’t want to go back up there just yet,” whispered the young head of state. 

Zuko frowned slightly as she pulled away, pouting like a spoiled puppy, deprived of only his ninth consecutive treat without performing any tricks. He sat in the stool by the desk, his heart light as the South’s fluffy snow. _Katara was going to stay._ “You are incredibly persausive,” Zuko flirted back, his askew grin returning to his flushed face. 

“But, it won’t take much cajoling for me to see that none of the other quarters are suitable enough for the Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe, nor the fire lord’s girlfriend–” Zuko spoke, blushing then, “I… is- is that okay? C-Can I call you that… I mean… are you my? Am _I_ your…?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160600808752)

“Well, I expect nothing but the best,” Katara teased, spreading her fingers over the coverlet. “What’s the fun of being an ambassador, if I don’t get to experience the finer things in life? And even more…” 

She looked up, smiling under dark lashes, “What’s the fun of having the Fire Lord as my _boyfriend_ , if I don’t get to steal his covers at night?” 

Katara laughed, and bounded from the bed straight into him. Zuko huffed in surprise, probably not expecting the display from her, but she didn’t care. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. _Deeply._ Only when her heart was racing, did she pull away. A shy smirk tugged at her lips. 

“Do you _have_ to go anywhere?” She whispered, fearing if she spoke any louder, her voice would shake. “We could spend the rest of the day in here. And, the evening, talking and reading…” Katara pecked him again. “…kissing. I- I’m really glad you came, Zuko.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160601339111)

Zuko smiled brightly as she not only accepted the title of Ambassador, but his girlfriend as well. He was surprised when she leapt into his arms; he was always taken off guard by that, but not at all displeased. Zuko hugged her even closer, thrilled to know that his nights would no longer be spent tossing and turning with nightmares alone. He’d have Katara at side, and the mere thought made him feel safe. He did worry about the assassination attempts– he didn’t want Katara to ever be caught in the crossfire or used against him. But, he knew better than anyone that she could very well handle herself. 

When she kissed him, he felt electrified. He felt a good kind of electrified, not like Azula’s ruthless sting. Even after two years apart, they still were more connected than ever. After making up, it was like nothing had ever happened, no time at all had passed, they picked up right where they left off, and Zuko thanked the Spirits that he had someone like that in his life, that he could be so damn lucky. 

“I’m really glad you came,” Zuko replied as they pulled apart, “I’m so glad you’re coming with me to the Fire Nation… that we worked things out– you can still go home, and we can, well, we can be together. I’m so, so happy, Kat.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/160819347102)

“Well, I _am_ coming with you the Fire Nation… whenever you decide to go back there…” Katara slipped from his arms, eyeing him curiously. “What business do you have in the Earth Kingdom, Zuko?” 

She shifted back to his bed, perching on the edge again, “I’d assume you were going to see your Uncle, if the cargo hold wasn’t full of dried food and there wasn’t civilian clothing in your trunk.” 

Katara raised a brow, catching his sheepish grin. 

“You’re looking for your mom, aren’t you?” she asked. “You’re going to Ba Sing Se to see if your uncle knows anything, then you’re setting out in whatever direction he points…. _aren’t you?_ ” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/160820334841)

Zuko watched as she slid from his arms to the bed– their bed, now. Zuko smiled at the thought. He let out a deep sigh at her question, sitting beside her on the bed. She knew him too well, and she also snooped a lot. Zuko smirked, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I want to,” he whispered. “I want to find her… if she’s out there. But… what do I do? I’m the fire lord… they need me there, Kat,” Zuko murmured. “I feel so guilty… no matter what I do. I feel guilt for going, and I feel guilt for not. I just– I can’t stop worrying about her. Since my father said she could be out there two years ago… I’ve been worried sick.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161820329307)

“Well, you shouldn’t, Zuko.” She looked at him with concern, her arms crossed in a stubborn pose. “You shouldn’t feel guilty, I mean. Just look at what you’ve done for the world! For _my_ people… You’re an incredible leader.” 

Katara pushed her brows together, watching his grimace grow darker as he stood in the center of the room. His lips wavered, like he wanted to say something, to protest. She could already hear it — _I haven’t done **everything**. I let my work get in the way of family, of us. I could’ve found the time. I didn’t try hard enough_ — He was so used to never being what others demanded of him. 

She relaxed her position on his bed, sliding from the edge to the middle. Katara  crossed her lips, sitting in the lotus position in the center of the mattress, and pat the space in front of her. 

“Come here,” she said, her voice soft, yet convincing. Zuko looked like he was going to refuse, but he finally gave in and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her. 

Katara tapped his shoulder, coaxing him to lay back until his head was in her lap and she could look down on him. “You blame yourself for far too much… and regardless of your guilt or innocence, you need to learn to forgive yourself.” 

She hunched over to press a kiss to his nose, then tugged the golden headpiece free of his hair, along with the tie that held his topknot in place. 

Raven locks fell free, spreading out across her tunic, a dark contrast to the sky blue. 

“It’s easier said than done, I know,” she admitted, combing knots with her fingers and massaging Zuko’s scalp gently, “But, I’m afraid I have to insist.” 

Katara had some practice in working tension from muscles. She’d learned a bit about pressure points from both Ty Lee and Yugoda. Her fingertips searched for the gnarls of stress along the base of his skull, and she rubbed the tendons in his neck. When he groaned quietly, and his eyes flickered shut, Katara lightened the pressure, running her nails through his hair. 

“We’ve been through a lot, you and I. The war and the running around and the attack on my village… but, I love you, Zuko. I’ve forgiven you.” She moved her hands to his shoulders, massaging the chiseled lines down his chest. Her palms stopped above his heart. “Everyone has forgiven you, except for _you._ ” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161839702066)

Zuko laid back into Katara’s lap with a deep sigh. It felt safer than any barricades, guards, moats, walls, or fortresses just lying with her like this. He smiled up at her, and a relieved groan left his mouth as Katara worked at the tension and knots in his body until his eyes fluttered shut in relief. How did she always know just what he needed?

Her words were true, too. His uncle had tried to beat that into his head. “I don’t know how,” Zuko whispered in quiet admission. He felt so at peace, so loved, so content in this moment he didn’t want it to end. He didn’t think he was going to let it tonight. They were traveling- work could be paused for one night.

“I wish I knew how to forgive myself,” he murmured. “But, I feel some of what I’ve done is too awful to deserve forgiveness. Like my mom… I shouldn’t have let her gone alone,” Zuko whispered. “I shouldn’t have fallen back asleep,” he confessed. No one had ever heard the details of the night she vanished before, not even Iroh.

“I trust you, Kat. I love you, and trust you with everything- more than anyone. Please don’t tell about this mission- that I’m looking for my mom. I don’t want whoever may be holding her to get wind of it.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161856894777)

“I wouldn’t tell anyone, Zuko. My _dad_ doesn’t even know where I’m going, except that I’m with you.” Katara brought a hand back to his hair, massaging his scalp gently until his eyes closed again and the heartbeat beneath her other hand slowed. 

She frowned though, now that he couldn’t see her. “I don’t understand what you could’ve done…” _What did he mean by letting Ursa go alone?_ “You were ten. What could you have done, Zuko?” 

At the statement of his age aloud, Katara halted her ministrations to the tension in his neck and chest, her brows pulling together. That’d been something that always bothered her— Zuko didn’t tell her everything that happened, just the brief admission that his mother disappeared when he was ten and he hadn’t heard from her since. 

Now… now, he was making is sound like Ursa _left._ A mother… left her ten year old son and eight year old daughter with that maniac. And Agni, how they’d both suffered for it. 

Katara grit her teeth, her fingers shaking when she started again on the knots in Zuko’s shoulders. 

“I- I won’t tell a soul, love.” She didn’t need him to know of her anger, but she was becoming desperate for the full story. “But, _you_ need to tell _me…_ please.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161857931466)

Her touch was always assuaging. Zuko’s eyes kept drifting shut in a peaceful lull at her ministrations. He let out a sigh at her inquiries, his eyes falling open to look at her, his eyes full of a million worries. “I still knew. I knew what my father was, Katara, and I let her leave,” Zuko spoke, hissing in vexation with himself as he shook his head until Katara’s hands found their way back to him, working at his shoulders. 

Zuko sighed, but at her inquiry, he sat up. His face was coiled in hurt, not at her words, but at the recollection that he had to conjure to mind. He trusted her. How did he trust her so much? Zuko took her hand, drawing it to his lips, lingering there while he gathered the courage to speak. “Okay,” he succumbed, his eyes already glazed over. 

“My grandfather, Fire Lord Azulon,” began Zuko’s wavering voice and haunting tale. “He… well, my father, Ozai, he wanted to be fire lord. He was never the heir– Uncle, he was the heir, but my father… he had Lu Ten, my uncle’s son, killed in battle. He sent an assassin for him… Uncle didn’t know, I didn’t know until I found hidden documents this year in the classified cabinets of the fire lord’s secured libraries. But, Lu Ten was killed, and Uncle was… absolutely devastated. He didn’t want to be a general anymore, he didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to do anything– he went and prayed to the spirits for years,” Zuko explained, holding her hand tighter the closer he got to the worst parts of the story. 

“So… Lu Ten was gone. Azula thought it was funny, said my uncle was being a baby, called him weak,” Zuko digressed, the story recapping in his mind. “Azula had to perform for my grandfather. She knew all the history facts, the sacred scripts, everything. She mastered forms my uncle struggled with. I couldn’t even finish the beginner’s form. My father was embarrassed, and my grandfather lauded Azula,” Zuko spoke. “That night, my dad asked to be crowned fire lord because Uncle Iroh was gone. My grandfather was disgusted, and said my father needed to be punished and ‘know the pain of losing a firstborn son’. So, he ordered my father to kill me,” Zuko explained, swallowing thickly. 

“Azula told me these things, and I knew they were true, but I told myself she was lying again- she always lies,” Zuko whispered, squeezing Katara’s hand so tight it was probably purple. Zuko closed his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay as he pursed his lips. “My dad was going to kill me. He told my mom to cook up a poison to kill me… my mom did make a poison, but for my grandfather. She made a deal with my father- that if she got him on the throne, the kids would go unharmed, but… there was one condition, she was banished,” Zuko whispered, remembering the conversation he had with Ozai on the day of the black sun years ago, now. “She’s alive. My father said she’s probably alive… he sounded like he almost wanted to see her… I have to find her, Kat. She gave up _everything_ to save me,” Zuko choked out, now pinching his eyes shut as they watered over with tears. “I _have_ to… I _miss_ her.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161858352417)

Katara sat in a stunned silence when he finished, trying with all her might to recognize Ursa’s disappearance for the sacrifice it was, but her lips trembled with pent-up frustration. 

“Was she _stupid?”_ Her question snapped in the still air, making Zuko flinch. She should’ve felt guilty for it, but Katara didn’t. She was livid. “She took _his word_ that no harm would come to you? The man was ready to murder you and she just left you behind! She left you and Azula behind and just… just _ran off!”_

Tears were fighting for a place in her eyes, amidst the rabid anger that flashed in her icy blues. “Why didn’t she take you with her? A mother doesn’t abandon her children! A mother gives up her life for her children! She _dies_ , sooner than she leaves to  _‘protect them._ ’” Her tone was dripping with sarcasm, with the kind of lethal rage she spat at Yon Rha years ago. “How is that _protection?!_ ”

She realized she’d hurt him. Her temper had lashed out and caused harm she didn’t intend, but Katara couldn't bring herself to apologize. It hit her, then, that her anger was linked to her own mother’s death. She was… she was _mad—_ a woman who left her children behind, who hadn’t even reached out to her son, got to live, but a woman who would throw her life away was gone. 

Her mother was _gone_.

“I-I’m sorry… I— excuse me.” Katara swallowed a lump in her throat, swiping at wet lashes as she left the bed. Her fingers were numb from his gasp, but somehow she managed with the door’s latch. “I need air.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161858691086/these-lies-we-believe)

‘Was she stupid?’

Zuko felt like the trust he’d given her had been ripped out from beneath his feet. “She had no choice,” Zuko snarled, his face riddled with angered disgust at the disdain Katara showed. “My father would have killed us all,” Zuko snapped. “She gave up everything– I would have died!” Zuko shouted. “She killed someone for me, she committed treason, she lost her… everything just so I could live!” 

“If my father, the guards– someone caught her smuggling us– she would have been slaughtered in an instant! All three of us would be as good as dead, Kat!” Zuko screamed. “She didn’t abandon us! She had no choice! This wasn’t an easy situation! My father wasn’t exactly great to her either, Katara!” Zuko cried. “I don’t know why I told you,” he spoke more quietly, turning her opposite direction on the bed, and wiping his eye. 

“I’m going to go find her, whether you help me or not,” Zuko growled, not uttering another word as she left the room, only silent tears fell and anger boiled in his stomach at the flippant disregard to all his mother did and was to him. He was angry at himself for thinking he could trust _anyone_ with this, even _her_. He should have long learned his lesson by now.


	28. These Lies We Believe, Part 5

It was freezing on the deck. She didn’t have her parka, but Katara decided she didn’t care. Her skin was so flushed with anger, she could’ve been a firebender.

At the moment, however, she was glad for her talents with water. The ocean reacted to her rage, frothing up with foamy white and crashing like a tangible midnight against the ship’s steel hull. Her fingers wrapped tight around the frozen railing, her eyes on the roughly stirring sea. 

She could make out the distant shape of her home. For a split second, Katara considered jumping over the ship’s edge and riding the waves back to the icy tundra she loved. She swallowed the urge, though, because the last thing Zuko needed was another woman he loved running away _without_ him. 

Agni, it made her furious— that Ursa just _left,_ no consequences, no looking back. She hadn’t even reached out to her son in ten years. Ozai had been gone  for four of them!

On top of that, _her_ mother was dead. Kya gave up everything and sacrificed all she had, her life included, to protect her daughter, and Ursa was the one who got to live. It was selfish, she knew. She’d just have to swallow that pain and deal with it alone, but still… her knuckles turned white, her grip on the rail becoming so tight with fury. 

And, Zuko… _spirits,_ Zuko. He always saw the best in people. He’d never even consider that his mother probably didn’t want to be found, probably didn’t even care. If she was alive, she would’ve reached out to him. But, she hadn’t, and Katara prayed with all her might that the woman was dead. That would be the easiest thing for Zuko. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161859471341)

Zuko was shocked at what Katara had said to him. She’d talked about his mother like she was horrid, and she didn’t even know her. Was it because she was Fire Nation? Was it because she was married to Ozai? What was it? Was it really because she thought based on this horrific circumstance that Ursa was a bad mother? Was she… upset he had his mother back, and she could not? Zuko shook his head. Katara might be infuriating him right now, but she was not so cruel. 

Zuko’s heart was broken over Katara’s reaction to what he saw as a hero story that his mother had done. But, he was starting to feel guilty over what he said, and he was worried for her. He took a deep breath, and shrugged on his coat, and went looking for her. Finally, he found her out on the frigid deck. Zuko sighed, and he could see his breath. “Kat,” he muttered, then walked up to her, pursing his lips as he took off his coat, and placed it gingerly over her shivering shoulders. 

“Love,” Zuko said quietly, wrapping his arm around her, and tugging her close. “Are you okay, Kat? I… I’m sorry, okay? Please come inside.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161859830057)

Katara shook her head, almost too stubborn to even react to his gesture. A shiver racked her bones, though, and she gave in, letting go of the rail and grasping at the edges of his cloak. The red and gold clashed with her bare fingers, and she stared at the fine cloth with blurring vision. 

“I’m fine,” she said finally, though the way the sea was swirling spoke otherwise. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” 

She forced herself to swallow, pushing the anger that tossed the sea below the surface. The waters calmed, though it was practically imperceptible. Katara doubted Zuko could tell, but she also doubted he even noticed in the first place. 

Katara couldn’t make herself look at him, not without a terrible guilt in her stomach. She’d forgiven the past, and his family’s involvement in her mother’s death. She didn’t want him to think that had changed, despite her sour mood and the jealous pain in her blood. 

She breathed out her nose, “I don’t want to see you get hurt, Zuko. I’m just… I’m worried, that’s all. I’ll help you find her, though. I already promised you that.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161860152716)

Zuko was worried. He was worried for her, and he was worried about what was going on in his head. A part of him feared that the only way he was going to get hurt was if she was the one who wound up hurting him. Zuko swallowed thickly, “It’s going to be okay,” he assured her, wrapping his arm around her as he lead her back inside through the ship’s corridors to his chambers. 

Zuko shut the door behind him, rubbing his arms with a shivered breath from the freezing cold. It was a relief to be in the warmth of his room, and he added a flame to the fire. “Even if… we don’t find her… alive… I- I have to know, Kat. I can’t just sit here, thinking- knowing- I did nothing,” he explained. “If… If your mom was out there, or there was even the smallest chance, I know you’d want to try to find her too. Please try to understand, Katara,” Zuko pleaded. 

“I won’t make you come. I won’t hold you to this. If… If you don’t want to come, Katara, I can ask the captain to take you to the Fire Nation first before I go,” Zuko offered, warming his hands by the fire as they shook from the cold and nerves. The flames twinkled in his eyes as they kept getting blurred by tears. He didn’t want her only coming out of a sense of obligation or payback for how he went with her to find Yon Rha. 

“This is something I have to do. I just… I hope you understand. I love my mother, Kat. Nothing will change that… and maybe she made mistakes, but… so have I. I forgive her, and I love her, and I want to make sure she’s safe and bring her home.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161860643507)

“No, I understand,” Katara murmured, finding a seat at the small writing desk in his quarters. Her face was downcast, her eyes on the dark floors. “I’d want to find my mom, too. It’d eat me alive if there was even a chance.” 

She grimaced, unable to help her aching heart. “I suppose I should count myself lucky— I don’t have to wonder. I watched her die.“  

Katara’s gaze darted around the room, avoiding his, until she spotted a Water Tribe trunk near his bed. Her eyes flicked to his and she wondered if the crew interrupting him had promoted him to find her, or if Zuko had wanted to seek her on his own. 

She didn’t press it, however. Instead, she shed his cloak and her frigid clothes— they were wet from the sea spray and snow flurries— and yanked a floor length robe from her trunk. She’d never really been shy around him, not with her undergarments on, but Katara felt like he could see right through her. She clutched the robe to her chest defensively, grabbing a few more items from among her things. 

“I’m going to get dressed for bed,” Katara whispered, slipping away towards the bathroom door. “I’m sorry… about what I said. I am.”

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161862991851)

A dark part of him feared she resented him for the possibility of his mother being alive. Her comment felt underhanded, and Zuko cursed himself for being so sensitive, for allowing burns of the past to cloud his judgement. Zuko swallowed thickly, unable to speak now with his eyes glued to the floor. 

When he glanced up, she was in her undergarments, and Zuko blushed, averting his gaze. She was beautiful, and he wanted to touch every inch of her skin. Zuko inhaled sharply, trying to dismiss the tempting thought. He didn’t want to rush her into anything she wasn’t ready for. He nodded at her statement, and gave her soft smile. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, hoping his soft voice was convincing enough. Zuko changed from his clothes then, in a thick pajama as he climbed beneath the covers, feeling the sway of the ship as he waited for Katara to step out of the bathroom. 

“ _Hey_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161863616072)

_“Hi…”_ Katara stepped from the bathroom completely, wavering for a moment from a mix of nerves and awkwardness. She’d spent as much time as she could combing her hair until it glistened, shedding her bindings, and rubbing oil into her skin, but she _still_ wasn’t entirely sure how to act. 

The air was still thick from their fight— spat… _disagreement…_ She couldn't decide what it was. In any case, she felt guilty and the scrutiny with which he stared her way wasn’t helping. 

She twirled a lock of chestnut hair around her finger, coming half a step closer to the bed. “Mind if I join you?” Katara pressed her lips together, framed by the bathroom doorway and clothed in her favorite silky robe. 

When he didn’t say anything, except a light sigh while his eyes roamed down her frame, Katara blushed. “You’re making this worse,” she mumbled. “The- my— my weirdness, I mean. If you keep staring at me like that you’re going to make it so much worse.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161863730726)

Zuko blushed brightly, shaking his head with a smile. “What? No! Weird? No, I’m an idiot,” he said with a laugh, “You’re beautiful,” Zuko spoke. “I just… I can’t stop staring at you because… who’d want to?” He said with a timid laugh, opening the blankets for her to climb in beside him.

His heart warmed at the thought of having her beside him. “Everything that’s mine is yours,” Zuko whispered, his fingers running over the blankets gingerly. “I think I could get used to this.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161864178592)

“Could you?” A smile took over the worry lines on her face, and Katara gave in to his invitation, closing the distance between them. “I suppose that’s a good thing, considering you _insisted_  no other room is up to my status as the Fire Lord’s girlfriend.”

She settled on the mattress beside him, immediately warmed and suddenly giddy. His hair was loose and framed his face perfectly, bringing out the soft gold in his eyes. A faint blush made his cheeks pink and the idea of kissing him all night seemed like the best idea she’d ever had, despite its irrationality. 

Her heart stuttered, however, and Katara trained her eyes on the ceiling, “I can’t say I’ve ever slept somewhere so nice… not since the palace, I mean, but that was _stressful…_ this… this is nice.” 

She swallowed when he tugged the blankets up higher, making a nest of sorts for them to hide in. He was already close, lifted up on his side so he could smirk down at her, but he moved closer still. His fingers brushed the side of her bicep, then followed the bend in her arm to where she’d folded her hands on her stomach. 

Katara wondered if he could feel her trembling. And if he couldn’t, she wondered if he could tell that she was practically frozen, but for her hammering pulse. His touch alone, the barest thing— fingers brushing hers, the heel of his palm on her stomach, his leg pressing against her thigh— sent electricity through her veins. He even went so far as to lick his lips, and she swore she’d short-circuit. 

“N-nice,” Katara stammered, staring at his mouth. “Very silky and nice.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161864454491)

Zuko watched her softly, his eyes full of love. He laid his hand over her stomach, tangling himself between his girlfriend and the sheets. He smiled at her, his gaze full of love. She was so soft, her skin was smooth to the touch when he brushed his leg against hers. He kept his eyes on her lips, knowing they were just as smooth and sweet.

“Very nice,” whispered Zuko, hesitantly encroaching on her. He cupped her cheek, smiling as he leaned in for a kiss, “Very, very nice,” he murmured against her lips. “Very fitting.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161865526417)

Katara sighed into his mouth the second her lips met his. They were warm and sweet, like ginseng tea and the two sugar cubes he always required. His breath reminded her of the fire he bent, and when she coaxed his mouth open and his tongue into hers, he tasted like heat. 

He groaned low in his chest, the sound making her grow bold, making her hands twist into his shirt and tug him flush with her. It was all new, being _so close_ to someone, buried beneath sheets, but she learned she loved it. 

His weight felt good, enticing. His leg was pressed between hers and his body pinned hers to the mattress, but even that couldn’t keep her from curving up and chasing way any space that remained. 

Every time she tugged his hair, he’d nibble her lip. If her fingers scraped down his back, he’d kiss from her mouth to her throat, braced on top of her and suckling the rapid pulse there. And whenever she moaned— a response that sounded too loud, to pleading and raw in the hot space— his eyes would flutter and he’d rest his forehead on hers and _rock_ in a way that made her _ache._

“Zuko…” She breathed into his lips, dizzy, using his name and gentle caress on his jaw to coax him into another kiss. 

His fingers dug into her hip, bunching up the fabric of her robe. Katara wondered if he could hear her heart, if Zuko could sense the heat that raced through her limbs and radiated between her legs. She wondered if he felt as _wild_ as her, but something hard and desperate against her thigh made her think he did. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161870077876)

Zuko was lost for thought while he kissed her and kissed her over and over. His mind was emptied of anything but her. Kat. Kat. Kat. That was the only anthem his head could sing. She was so close, he could feel her heat beneath him, and he deepened the kiss, wanting more of her. He wondered if she wanted him as badly.

His lips were desperately all over her body. He wanted to take in every inch of her beautiful body. It felt so good- she felt so good. She tasted so good, and he was starving for more. “Kat…?” Zuko moaned into her neck in a question. “Love…?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161871059177)

_“Hmm?”_ She breathed in deeply, his question making her open her eyes. The cold sight of the ceiling and Zuko’s hair in the corner of her vision, made Katara stiffen under him. “What?” 

He growled into her neck, another query, _‘Love?’_ sinking in her skin. She didn’t know what he was asking for— or rather, she did, but she wasn’t entirely sure about the timing.

Her fingers left his raven locks, coming ‘round to the front of him, her palms flattening on his chest. “Zuko…” It didn’t take much of a push. His weight left her in seconds and he sat back on his heels, panting as loudly as her. 

I- _uh_ — Sorry,” Katara offered, swallowing the heat in her throat. The blush on her skin was steadily growing worse, and she shuffled awkwardly to push the hem of her robe back down her legs. “I haven’t… _yet_. It’s- I’m— I’m not sure I’m ready.”

 

* * *

[](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161875355366)

Zuko instantly was off to the side, laying on his back beside her. He was blushing rampantly, and guilt now clawed at him. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. He didn’t want to push her, and he didn’t want to make assumptions about how ready she was just because they were kissing. “I… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” he trailed off in shame. “I’m sorry, Katara,” Zuko whispered again. 

“We don’t have to– not until you’re ready, whenever that is, it doesn’t matter,” Zuko spoke, then sitting up to give her a tender smile. “I didn’t meant to rush you, Kat. I really am sorry if I upset you,” he apologized. “If it… if it’s any consolation the… the only time I ever did it was with Mai, and I really didn’t want to,” he said with a laugh. “I thought it’d make her like me better, but… didn’t really work,” he teased. 

“Are you okay, Kat?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161876627367)

“Nope! No— that is not _any consolation_.” She felt her cheeks turn bright red and tugged the blankets up to her nose, turning on her side so she didn’t have to face him. 

“I could’ve gone my whole life not knowing that, and now I’m being forced to imagine it,” Katara commiserated. She was completely aware that this odd jealousy was misplaced, but the mental picture her brain kept conjuring up was torturous. Was it… was it anything like their kiss? _Better?_ She figured it was better… Suki made it seem like it was a lot better, based on all the noise that'd come from the room she shared with Sokka on Ember Island. 

“When?” Katara frowned, grumbling under the covers. 

She shifted enough to look at him, finding a shocked expression, though he stayed silent. Katara repeated herself. “When was it? And why? Why _her?”_ An even worse thought suddenly occurred to her. “And the years we’ve been apart? Who— have you?”  

“Oh, _god_ , just don’t answer.” Katara flopped onto her back, groaning. “Your penis is your business. I don’t want to know.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161877168606)

Zuko was beaming bright red at her questions. His mouth was fluttering about like a flailing fish out of water. He could feel the heat on his cheeks burning. “I– I… it was three years ago! When I was home!” Zuko cried, “did you not listen to what I said?”

Zuko groaned, grabbing the pillow and shoving it over his face. “I just told you, Kat. That was the only time I ever… had sex,” he grumbled. “The only time with Mai, and the only time at all…” he mumbled. “I loved you the whole time you were gone, and I really had many more other things on my mind like preventing wars and not dying and I didn’t even have time to sleep, so,” Zuko rambled beneath the sheets.

He flopped the pillow off his face with a deep sigh. “I wasn’t ready, when I had sex with Mai,” he admitted. “I was lonely… she was mad. I thought it would fix both those things… but it didn’t. I was more upset after that… emptier. I don’t know. It sounds fucking stupid and I should shut up, but… what I mean to say is… I don’t want it to be like that for you- for us. Okay? I want… no matter how long, for you to want this.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161877664327)

“That’s not what I meant!” Katara protested, both embarrassed and frustrated and only becoming more so as her voice rose three levels. “I- I’m just— I’m _jealous,_ Zuko.” 

She chewed her lip for a minute, trying to figure out what to say. She hadn’t intended to upset him, and perhaps her reaction had been a touch harsh. It’d always been an issue for her, even when she was fourteen and Aang gave other girls his attention. Katara didn’t even _like him_ , but she just couldn’t help the flare of heat that went all the way up to her ears. 

Hissing out her nose, Katara pushed her feelings aside and rolled towards him. She put her hand on his chest, forcing her voice to come out steady. “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, Zuko… I’m just…” 

“I’m just not ready, not on our _first_ night together, and the fact that she was or you sort of were— or you at least wanted it enough to look past that— I don’t know… I thought for a minute that it happened after the coronation and I—” Katara sighed, “I’m a mess and I’m sorry.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161877898121)

She was jealous? Of Mai? It seemed ridiculous to him because he loved her like crazy, and he loved Mai, but he was never in love with her. He had sex with her trying to cling to some love, begging for affection with his uncle gone and no one else in sight. Katara though, she was everything. She was the real deal. To even put them on the same plane seemed illogical in his mind.

Zuko cupped her cheek when she leaned over him, stroking her round bone. “There is no reason for you to be jealous of Mai, Kat,” Zuko said tenderly. “I love you,” he whispered. “My feelings are not hurt at all. We should wait. You’re right… I’m sorry I was… eager. It’s for the best we wait a while,” he agreed. “I wasn’t really ready. She wanted to, and if I said no… I thought she’d leave, and… I just… I was lonely. I didn’t even have Uncle then, and I was really upset and confused… t didn’t mean anything,” he admitted.

“And, I never would have done that to you after the coronation, Kat. Besides, Mai slapped my face, remember?” Zuko said with a laugh. “She called me stupid, then slapped me, and left- you saw it,” he explained with a laugh. “It was for sure a one time thing- one time mistake.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161878908282)

“I- I didn’t know…” Katara relaxed her head on his shoulder, yawning sleepily. “I _wouldn’t_  know. We were apart for so long and whatever you got up to in that time would’ve been your business.” She smiled a little. “I guess it’s good to hear that you didn’t get up to anything. Pun intended.” 

She smirked when he groaned out of embarrassment. “Relax,” Katara teased, nudging his foot with her own. “You’re going to have to learn how to take life less seriously, Zuko.” 

“And,” she buried her face in the crook of his neck, her eyes shut against the flickering lanterns that illuminated the room. “You’re going to have to learn how to turn off the lights.” Katara felt him shift, then darkness pressed in around them, and she drifted off: warm, safe… _content._  


	29. These Lies We Believe, Part 6

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161893123181/these-lies-we-believe)

The month spent sailing to Ba Sing Se was full of breakfasts and early morning tea, kisses, and Pai Sho, late night talks ranging from jokes about books they exchanged to the political state they found themselves in. The month went fast, cuddled in each other’s arms every night. Before they knew it, they found themselves docked on the shores of Ba Sing Se, and Zuko smiled brightly, wearing lighter clothes now- deep greens to follow the culture of the people. 

Zuko smiled as his green-clad girlfriend stepped out behind him. They heard birds chirping and the splash of the bay water against the docks and the hustle and bustle of the peaceful city. Zuko was so glad to be on land again. A part of him, from his banishment, would always hate voyaging ‘cross the sea. And, of course, Zuko was eager to see his uncle. 

Zuko turned to Katara then, extending his hand, “Welcome back to Ba Sing Se.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161896203157)

A grin fought for prominence on her face, overtaking her nerves. It was her first time in public with the Fire Lord’s hand in hers, and while, to her, Zuko would always be the jerkbender who ate too many fireflakes and marveled at fireflies, the world saw his crown. Katara wondered how they’d take her place at his side— she was nervous, excited… mostly _hopeful._

And, she was determined to remind Zuko of their second time in the city. She’d donned a green gown, complete with the hand sewn peonies on the hem and lapel. The only change was the embroidery’s color. She’d picked blue and purple, a subtle symbol of her status as a Southern Water Tribe woman. 

Zuko smiled like he thought it was beautiful, or… maybe, like _she_ was beautiful. That made her belly tingle with butterflies and Katara eagerly took his hand. 

“Thank you, Lord Zuko,” she batted her eyelashes at him, her cheeks pink and growing pinker. It filled her with pride to be with him, to be his. Katara hoped he could read that in her eyes. “As much as I prefer red, I think the color green suits you.”  

* * *

 [](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161894292746)

She was by far the prettiest thing about this city right now. They’d talk, he knew. Everyone, the whole world, was going to talk about how gorgeous Katara was, and how she was with the fire lord. They’d say she was too pretty for him, so she must be after power or money. Only half of that would be true. They’d say it was a leading to a political marriage, to set the stage for the new, interconnected world, and to promote the avatar and fire lord’s new nation of mixed national identities. Maybe some would get the truth: they were two kids who fell in love along the course of ending a brutal war. 

Zuko took her hand, smiling warmly as they stepped onto the cobblestone streets. He blushed at her compliment, “The Southern Water Tribe ambassador looks radiant as usual,” Zuko bantered back, a warm, genuine, askew smile overtaking his bright face. “Uncle’s teashop is but a few blocks down, and I don’t know about you, but I would much rather walk after being cooped up in there so long.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161896203157)

The walk was pleasant, even with the passersby ogling them. A half hour later, the pair ducked inside the backdoor of the Jasmine Dragon, safe from the many prying eyes and wrapped up tight in Iroh’s arms. 

“It’s so good to be here,” Katara smiled, her eyes watering with happiness and excitement. She loved how deeply Iroh cared for Zuko, like the father he never had and the father he deserved. 

The old man ushered them into the main dining area, to a secluded table where the other patrons wouldn’t bother them, and poured all three of them a steaming cup of tea. “It’s a blessing to have you both,” he said, glancing between them with a knowing grin, “and a blessing that my nephew has finally come to his senses and pursued you, Lady Katara.” 

She blushed, though nothing compared to the bright red spreading down Zuko’s neck. He looked at a loss for words. Katara nudged his shoulder with her own. “I didn’t know you two talked about me?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161896464546)

Zuko was thrilled to see his uncle again and his uncle instantly pulled both himself and Katara into his warm and inviting arms where Zuko may have lingered a few minutes too long. Iroh didn’t seem to think so, and when he finally let go, he got to work on tea for them all in the little room. The teashop was bustling with people, and it looked like his uncle’s place was faring extremely well. Zuko was happy for him, and proud of his uncle. 

Of course, his uncle wasted no time in teasing him about bringing Katara around, and Zuko scratched the back of his head shyly. “Y-Yeah… I- I did,” he admitted with a shy shrug and warm, coy smile. “He kept telling me about how we were made for each other for ages,” replied Zuko, smirking as Iroh smiled knowingly and nodded at Katara as if to ask ‘was I wrong?’ 

Zuko placed his hand atop his girlfriend’s and took a sip of tea before speaking, “Uncle, the teashop looks great. I’m so glad to be with you again. Katara and I were planning on staying the week before taking off, if that’s okay? And then… Uncle,” Zuko began, lowering his voice, “Kat and I– we’re… we’re gonna try to find _Mom_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161899031792)

Iroh sat back in the booth, his hand to his chin. The way his lips pursed, Katara worried he was going to warn Zuko off the mission, but she realized quickly that she should know better. 

“A bold quest, indeed,” Iroh murmured, thoughtfully, “It’s been ten years since she’s even been seen… but if anyone can find, it’s certainly you. I’d be so happy for you, if you got her back.” 

Katara knew the statement made Zuko beam. She saw a smile flicker across his face in the corner of her vision, and she grinned, too. With the poor way she’d reacted, it was heartwarming to have someone fully on Zuko’s side, even if his next words were a warning: 

“Be careful, my Nephew. That’s my only caution.” The man sipped from his teacup, then put the steaming drink aside. “I watched your father hurt you far too much— I’m ashamed I never stepped in until you were thirteen…” 

A sigh stretched across the table. “That’s why I’m warning you now: Guard your heart, Zuko. If she’s alive, I’m most curious to learn why she hasn’t contacted you…” Iroh stroked his beard again, then the seriousness lifted. “In any case, I’m thrilled to have you for a week! I have a dozen new blends for you to try.” 

 

* * *

[](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161914878841)

Zuko was surprised at his uncle’s cautionary words. Didn’t he know his mother? Weren’t they friends? Zuko wanted to press on it, but he was afraid. He was scared of the truth, so he taped over it with warm memories of his mom’s smiling face. He held Katara’s hand as Iroh switched the conversation brighter. 

“I’m so happy to spend time with you, Uncle! We both are,” Zuko exclaimed, smiling at Katara. “I’m sure we’ll be sloshing around by the time the week is through, but it’ll be well worth it,” jested Zuko as he rested a hand on his girlfriend’s back. “I’m really so glad to be with you, Uncle. I’ve missed you so much.”

* * *

 [](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ)[theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161982096362)

The three of them worked through the entire pot of tea. Iroh was happy to listen quietly while Katara shared stories from the South Pole and her bending school. Zuko talked a little about the Fire Nation’s progress, but Iroh seemed to have a handle on most of the happenings there. 

The sun was setting, however, and the moon was rising to be an almost full being in the night sky. Iroh excused himself to clean up after the last customers, refusing any offers from Katara and Zuko for help. 

He ushered them up the stairs in the back of the shop, with a key to an apartment across from his and a basket of baked goods, fresh fruit, and a bottle of fine wine.

“At least he won’t be making comments about waiting until we’re married to share a room,” Katara smirked, remembering the frequent remarks from Zuko’s assistant on the ship. The Fire Lord blushed, however, making her stomach drop. “Oh— oh, no. Don’t tell me he’ll be making comments about the exact _opposite_.” 

She hissed through her nose as they entered the single room flat, dreading the coming morning. Instead, Katara tried to focus on the space given to them. 

There was small stove near the windows, a table surrounded by cushions with pink peonies in the center, and a bed just big enough for the both of them. The furnishings were simple, but the windows offered a view of the entire city, and Katara found that breathtaking. 

“Does your Uncle’s apartment look like this, too?” 

* * *

 [](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161982562231)

Zuko laughed with his girlfriend all the way up the stairs, holding the bottle of wine and basket of food as Katara unlocked the door. The room was comfortable and cozy, and Iroh had even laid out flowers for them. Zuko smiled softly at his uncle’s kind gesture. 

“Uncle loves teasing me,” Zuko explained with a shy smile. “He was teasing me about marriage at age sixteen,” Zuko spoke, standing by the window and taking a deep breath. It was gorgeous from here, “Uncle’s looks the same, yeah,” Zuko replied, putting down the wine. He then walked over to Katara, placing his hands on her waist before pulling her into a kiss. 

“It’s all so beautiful.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161983415237)

“It really is,” she echoed him, standing with her elbows perched on the window ledge and her chin in her hands. “The green and gold city…” 

The remnants of sunlight were fading from the rooftops, giving way to the white glow of the moon. Energy was flooding her veins, though she tried to hide it, knowing Zuko was the type who’d rather relax post-sundown. 

She turned away from the view, stretching, and found him kneeling at the table with two glasses of wine waiting. Katara waltzed over and took one. “I want to see it… the whole city.” 

“I haven’t,” Katara explained, taking a sip, “not without the war on my mind, and I’ve heard so many stories from the Water Tribe’s warriors about the restaurants in the lower ring and the street magic shows.” She smiled thoughtfully, and sat down beside him. 

“Even if you’d rather keep to the Upper Ring for our entertainment, promise me we’ll get to see all of it.” Katara gave him her most convincing pout, then added, “If you need any more reason to say yes, besides a happy girlfriend, it’s my birthday tomorrow.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161984443796)

Zuko smiled warmly as Katara settled beside him. He was sleepy and couldn’t wait to crawl into bed after their long day of traveling and settling in. Zuko lazily strew his arm around Katara’s and laid his head on her shoulder, his eyelids wobbling already. 

“I’d love to see Ba Sing Se with you, Kat,” Zuko replied, lazily stroking her shoulder. “We’ll see it, love… I might need to walk around with a cloak, but we’ll see it,” he promised teasingly, leaning over to kiss her. 

“I know it’s your birthday tomorrow,” he retorted with a smirk. “I could never forget,” he spoke, his nose rubbing against hers.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161984897312)

Katara laughed and pecked his cheek, “Good to know. It’s only one the most important days of the year.” She winked, then finished her wine, going to the trunks of clothing Zuko’s staff had brought up. 

Her nightgown and robe were among them, and Katara collected both before disappearing behind a privacy screen to change. “As much as I hate it, I guess I’ll need you to wake me up early,” she called. “There’s too much to see and I don’t want to miss a bit.” 

Katara came out with her robe tied shut, and set to work pulling her wavy hair into a braid. Zuko was smiling at her, but he looked weary compared to the vibrant energy alight in her eyes. She tugged his wine glass from his hand, and pulled him towards the bed. 

“Come on, undress. We have a big day ahead.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161985307691/these-lies-we-believe)

Zuko sleepily followed Katara over to the bed, though a smile never left his face. He embraced her as she pulled him over, his head resting on her shoulder, and he felt too tired to move, but eventually he pulled away, giving her hand a squeeze as he went to rummage through the trunk of clothes. Zuko pulled out his satin pajama pants, and changed behind the screen before coming back to the bed, stretching. 

“I don’t understand how the hell you’re not exhausted,” Zuko said with a small laugh, climbing into the bed beneath the covers. He sighed as his head hit the pillow, “Agni, that’s a lot nicer than the boat bed,” he said with a laugh as Katara climbed in beside him, draping her arm over his chest. Like that, Zuko was out like a light. 

///////////////

The morning came, and Zuko was already up and dressed, helping Uncle prepare a breakfast feast for Katara’s birthday. They both were excited, and decided to let her sleep until 9 am. Zuko still held the box of pearl earrings from the Northern Tribe in his pocket. He’d gotten it months ago for her birthday, and he asked his uncle about eighty times if he thought that Katara would like them. No matter how many times his uncle assured him, he wasn’t convinced. 

His attention was diverted, however, when Katara came down the stairs in a light, breezy, green dress with purple tapestry at the sleeves and rims. “ _Katara_ ,” Zuko whispered affectionately, an askew smile growing on his lips. She looked much more refreshed, having a good night’s sleep on land. Iroh was smiling too, holding out a pot of tea he’d blended for her. “Happy birthday, my love.”

 


	30. These Lies We Believe, Part 7

“Zuko! You didn’t have to do anything _special_ for me…” Her protest was weak, though, and grower weaker as she breezed down the stairs and fully entered the tea shop’s dining room. 

Iroh had kept the place closed late, so it was just the three of them. A massive breakfast covered a table, moon peaches and puff pastries and little danishes. It even looked like Iroh had laid out the best china, complete with candles in the center and flower petals covering a jade green table cloth. 

Katara felt her cheeks grower pinker, and she ducked into a hug from Iroh to hide it. “You really didn’t have to go to any lengths for me. This is wonderful, but… Oh, thank you.” 

Uncle Iroh helped her into her seat, and when Zuko was across from her, he poured them all a piping cup of tea. “My new rose blend… for the rose in my nephew’s life.” 

“I’m afraid I have quite a few thorns,” she smirked, eyeing Zuko who appeared to roll his eyes in agreement. Iroh only laughed, though. 

“What lovely rose doesn’t?”

She shrugged thoughtfully and took a sip when the older man had finished serving them. “Wow, this really is delicious. I can’t believe Zuko tells you tea is nothing but hot leaf juice!” 

* * *

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161985909181)

Zuko loved watching the joy present itself all over her beautiful face. He felt warm just watching her as she took her seat across from him. “I’ve acquired a taste for it,” retorted Zuko teasingly as Iroh sat down with them too, joining in on the meal.

“What do you two lovebirds have planned for the day?” Asked Iroh with a wink, that caused Zuko to blush.

“We’re going to just look around the central part of the city,” Zuko replied, “Then, we’re going out to dinner at the rooftop place, where you can see the whole skyline,” Zuko spoke, “I ordered a cake already, so no protests,” Zuko told her.

“As long as no one recognizes me, we should have a lovely day, Uncle.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161986437727)

They left the tea shop with full bellies. Even though Zuko was nondescript in a green tunic and matching pants, he’d pulled on a black cloak and made his hair hang around his face. 

“You’re going to burn alive,” Katara poked him, her fingers catching the thick wool. “Is it really too much if people know who you are? They’ll probably just stare and let us go on our way. And you know if they don’t…”

She patted the subtle water skin at her hip, her eyes playful. “Did Sokka or Aang ever tell you about the time I froze two boys to the walls in an alleyway?” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161986721406)

Zuko was sweating bullets in that black cloak in the Earth Kingdom summer heat. “I have a lot of enemies here, Kat. I almost got into a war with the Earth Kingdom a couple years ago, remember?” Zuko grumbled, wiping his forehead. “But, dammit, I’m hot,” Zuko complained, waving at his face. The cloak was probably attracting even more attention towards himself. 

He laughed as she patted her water pouch, and looked over with piqued interest as she broached another tale. “You did what now?” Zuko said with an amused laugh. “I can’t say I’ve heard that one!” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161987571022)

“It’s quite a tale, actually.” She laughed, grabbing his hand to lead the way through the Upper Ring’s busy shopping district. They were trying to make their way to the train station. “We were trying to find an earthbender to teach Aang, and this school he was going didn’t really work out, but I heard two of the boys there talking about Earth Rumble 6…” 

Katara chuckled, weaving around patrons, “You know that got Sokka _quite_ excited, and even Aang agreed it’d be easy to find a teacher there, but the boys wouldn’t tell us anything about it.” She shook her head, irritation flashing briefly. 

“I have my ways, you know,” Katara bat her eyelashes at Zuko. “I darted off after them acting like the biggest floozy, only to freeze them sideways, and I mean feet on the wall, their heads touching in the middle of the alley, to the buildings.” 

She shrugged, and fluffed her braid over her shoulder in a fashion similar to back then. “They were quick to tell me, then… but, I didn’t let them go.”

Zuko looked alarmed and Katara protested, “Don’t glare at me like I’m some kind of monster. It was as hot out as it is today!” She pursed her lips, having found the train station. Katara tugged him into a car after handing off their tickets, and pulled on the hood of his cloak, “Seriously. Take it off. Mistakes or not, the greatest travesty is preventing me from stealing glances at your handsome face.” 

 

* * *

[](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw)[honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/161987882121)

Zuko was both shocked and amused by Katara’s tale. He wished he knew more about her, before they were close. He didn’t really want her to know about him before then. He was still so ashamed of himself and all he had done. But, he smiled, laughing along with her tale, letting the past go. That was what she said- forgive himself. He had to forgive himself for all he had done. “That sounds just like you, actually,” Zuko said with a smile. “I’m sure they got what was coming to them.”

Zuko linked arms with her as they sat down in the train, and Katara tugged off his hood. He gasped, and swallowed thickly. Forgive himself, he told himself. He had to forgive himself for the political mistakes he had done too. Zuko smiled at Katara’s kind teasing, and pecked her cheek, rubbing the side of her arm.

“All right, you win. I’ll keep it off,” he agreed. “It is your birthday, so your wish is my command,” Zuko spoke, holding her hand, though a part of him feared being attacked. He hadn’t ever shaken the fears of assassination from all the attempts that had haunted him since his coronation. He would abdicate the throne before he let anyone touch Katara.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/161989035507)

“See?” Katara brushed her fingers into his hair, helping it lay flat in a more regal manner. “Isn’t that ten times better? I always have the best ideas. Speaking of which…”

She used the majority of the day to drag him through the most uncivilized activities. They bought food from street vendors in the Lower Ring, risking food poisoning because Toph said Lang’s Meats had the best fire-roasted duck.

A few other carts had sweet cream puffs and rock candies… Katara even found the variety that grew, and bought a bag to show Iroh, but only after scaring the hell out of Zuko. The story of her first visit to Omashu quickly followed. 

Following lunch, Katara convinced Zuko to partake in some of the street games, like the ones Toph, Sokka, and Aang played when they were low on money. Without the earth bender, though, Katara could only chuckle when Zuko lost twenty gold pieces to some shady scumbag. 

The afternoon had them in the middle ring, in the middle of a market where a street band was playing. Katara tried to make Zuko dance, but his refusal forced her grab the hands of two little girls. They swirled around until she was breathless and sweaty, and the girls let her go back to Zuko. 

Almost no one recognized him. The few that did would double take, shocked to see a world leader dressed so plainly, and in the lower rings, no less. By the evening, however, they were back in the Upper Ring, near their chosen restaurant. 

Here, it was a toss— almost everyone recognized him, and while some gave him courteous nods, others passed by with a stiff upper lip. Katara was thankful that no one seemed outright hostile, however, as it was her birthday and she had every intention to be hostile herself, should the situation call for it. 

Zuko led her towards the Golden Bear, the quaint cafe with a rooftop terrace, and when the hostess took them to their private table, Katara realized just how sore she was. 

“How far do you think we walked today?” she laughed, slumping back in a fashion that didn’t fit the atmosphere, though it would make Toph proud. “I feel like I could soak in a hot bath for a week and I’d still ache. _Agni,_ please tell me your uncle has a bath.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162003279116)

The day had been surprisingly fun. Zuko loved seeing Ba Sing Se from the lenses Katara took him through. They played games, and went shopping, and talked and talked and they never grew tired of the sound of each other’s voice. The city streets were alive with color and life. It was no wonder that  Ba Sing Se was considered the most vibrant city in the world. It lived up to its reputation. Every time Zuko looked over at Katara, his heart soared. He was so glad he took her out. It was evident on her pretty face and bright eyes that she was having the time of her life. 

Finally, the sun was starting to set, and Zuko took that as his cue. He wanted her to see the sunset on the rooftop over the roofs of the city and its iconic architecture. This place was supposed to have the best food in the city, and it was somewhere the Earth King now often frequented. They were used to highfalutin guests. He hoped it didn’t seem too pompous. He just wanted to take her out to the best of the best in the Earth Kingdom. 

He laughed as they were taken to the best seats in the house, and he pulled out her chair, then sitting across from her. “Of course Uncle has a bath,” Zuko said with a smirk, a blush taking over his face as his voice lowered and they quieted, caught by the sunset. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162009913167)

Katara sat up and looked out to the west. The sky was cast in vibrant reds and pinks, with purples dashed through as the sun sank below the horizon. A smile painted her face. “It is…” 

“Not as beautiful as the sunsets on Ember Island, though.” She glanced shyly at Zuko, watching the fading light dance through his eyes. The gold looked alive, even more than when he laughed or grimaced. “The see adds to the splendor there,” Katara commented, “more than these rooftops do.” 

She hoped she didn’t sound ungrateful. She really was happy, and thrilled to be somewhere so attuned with the grandeur of his position. Katara wanted him to know she was thrilled either way— whether he be a world leader or a fugitive in hiding, she loved him. 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162010999056)

Zuko frowned a little when she said that this wasn’t as good as Ember Island. Maybe he should’ve gone somewhere less… pretentious. He smiled at her, though, holding her hand. “Ember Island is my favorite place in the world,” he whispered, “Nothing, besides you, is as pretty,” he spoke, leaning over to peck her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her hand.

He then dug through his satchel, and found the wrapped gift he brought. The pearls from the bottom of the Notthern Tribe’s ocean. Zuko hoped she’d like them. He could picture them on her now. He bit his lip, and handed her the little, wrapped box.

“Happy birthday, Kat. I love you,” Zuko told her, laughing shyly. “I- I hope you like them. I wasn’t sure…”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162011367122)

“Zuko, they’re beautiful!” She’d tore open the box in a handful of seconds, and now held the pearl earrings in the palm of her hand. Her forefinger brushed them, chasing the eddies of light that caught their iridescent finish. If she angled the earrings toward the sun, they flashed red and pink. Closer to her chest, however, the jewelry reflected her green dress.

“I love these.” Katara smiled, delicately placing each earring back into the velvet jewelry case. “I- I don’t have my ears pierced, though…” She threw him an embarrassed, worried look, afraid she was ruining the present.

“It’s something a girl’s mother does for her, when she comes of age,” Katara explained. “It’s like a physical sign that a young woman is ready for marriage proposals, and I suppose Gran-Gran could’ve done it… if she hadn’t been on a long-delayed honeymoon with Pakku.”

“I just… life was so busy, I never got it done.” She shrugged apologetically, “I really do love them, Zuko… I do. I’m sorry.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162014119691)

Zuko flushed a fired red. He could have sworn on his life that Katara had her ears pierced. He felt deeply embarrassed, and felt like Katara now thought he didn’t know her, that he didn’t take this seriously, or he wasn’t paying attention to her as an individual and lumping her together with just ‘you’re a woman, right?’ And not paying attention or being thoughtful about her: Katara. Zuko felt awful, and didn’t know how to save this. He hoped that she didn’t find this a big deal as he did. He had a tenacity to blow things out of proportion.

“Oh Spirits, I’m an idiot,” he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. All the women in the Southern Tribe always had their ears pierced. In the Fire Nation, many men did too. Azula always had worn them. Zuko felt ridiculous. He was in love with her, and nibbled on her ears before, and never even knew that?

“I’m so sorry, Katara… about the gift, your mother, Gran Gran being away…” Zuko muttered. “I– I could take you somewhere to have them done? If- if you wanted? Or I- I’ll get you something else!”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162014889017)

“Nonsense,” Katara said, reaching across the table for his hand. Her thumb brushed his knuckles gently. “It’s not a big deal, Zuko… I _really_ do love them. You took the time to pick out something that’s my style. It’s not your fault I never follow tradition.” 

She smiled playfully, and tucked the velvet box into her dress’s pocket before Zuko could steal the earrings away. “I’ll keep them until I can get my ears pierced.” 

“I- _uh—_ I _will_ have to wait for a visit to the tribe, however.” Katara bit her lip, fearing she’d managed to ruin the entire day if her let her keep talking. “If- if I’m going to do it, I can’t- I mean, it can’t be a stranger. It’s a rite of passage for women, albeit outdated and ridiculous, but my tribe should have the honor of being involved.”

She watched his face fall more, and immediately felt guilty for saying anything at all. “On second thought,” she said, trying to salvage the situation, “why don’t we see if there’s any Water Tribe tattoo or piercing parlors in the city? We could go tomorrow.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162015253096/these-lies-we-believe)

Zuko smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It did reach his eyes when he took her hand, though. “No,” Zuko dismissed, shaking his head. “You’re not rushing to some half-assed place in Ba Sing Se to get it done because I messed up and you’re trying to make me feel better,” Zuko said teasingly, but he meant it as he squeezed her hand. “You can hold onto them, and that way, when you do get them pierced, the right way, in your tribe, you’ll have a nice pair to wear right after,” Zuko assured her, then flipping open her menu. 

“Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s your birthday. Look at the menu,” Zuko urged, “There’re drinks on the back, and the entrees on the first page,” he spoke. “And, you can pick the appetizer, I pre-ordered our dessert.”


	31. These Lies We Believe, Part 8

They had an appetizer of oysters and white wine, followed by a mix of entrees from both Water Tribe and Fire Nation cuisine: giant white crab, sea bass, spicy duck. Katara was more than full when the waiter took their plates away and topped off their drink glasses. 

“I can’t believe you get to eat like this every night,” she teased, watching the man in uniform saunter off with his arms full of dirty dishes. “Royalty has some perks, doesn’t it?” 

Katara took a sip of her wine, even though she was far too warm from the night’s drinks, already. It was her birthday, she figured. She could do whatever she wanted and Zuko seemed sober enough to help them find the way back to the Jasmine Dragon.

“Do I get any other perks? I get all the food perks, but there’s more right?” Katara eyed him, her brow quirked. “Are there dessert perks? Besides the cake you’re surprising me with?” 

She watched his expression change from seriousness to an outright gawking stare, like he couldn’t decide what she really meant… dessert, or otherwise.

At that point, Katara threw subtly to the wind. “Maybe _after_ the cake? _Hmm?_ It’s my birthday.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162017454611)

Zuko smiled, keeping up with Katara with drinks, but he was larger, and held them better, though he was tipsy himself. He was stuffed full, but he remembered the description of the cake when he came into the restaurant earlier to pre-book and suddenly his stomach had plenty of room. Zuko blushed at his girlfriend’s flirting, and decided to chalk it up to the alcohol.

He laughed shyly, taking her hand, but the placement of the extravagantly-decorated vanilla cake before them interrupted. It looked delicious, and Zuko knew Katara preferred vanilla. He smiled as the waiter placed eighteen candles on the cake, and with a flick of his wrist, Zuko lit them all, and half the staff came out to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to what everyone could see was the future Fire Lady.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162023885642)

She blushed horribly at all the attention, but her smile made it obvious that Katara enjoyed it. The staff was happy for them, and the other diners clapped during the birthday song, as well.

On top of that, the cake Zuko picked was absolutely delicious. Katara blew out the candles and ate at least a quarter of it, along with ice cream the staff brought them.

Needless to say, when the meal was over, she felt nothing short of disgusting and slightly embarrassed to have scarfed down do much food in front of her boyfriend. The sugar high made that feeling disappear, though, and she was smiling again, by the time they were outside.

“Thank you,” Katara said, clinging to his waist as they walked. “I don’t think I’ve ever had such a wonderful birthday.”  

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162024235391)

Zuko helped Katara devour the delectable dessert, and they both were walking out of the fancy restaurant with full bellies. Zuko kept his arm around Katara as they trotted down the ever busy pavement in Ba Sing Se.

He warmed when she thanked him. Zuko was elated that Katara had a good birthday. He pecked her cheek, pulling her closer, feeling light and carefree. It was refreshing, being so happy and content in such simplicity. “I’m so happy you had such a good time. I had a good time too,” he replied, rubbing her side affectionately.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had such a good time with anyone in my life… all the time, when I’m with you,” admitted Zuko with a faint blush. “Happy birthday.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162024648307)

The walk back to Iroh’s shop was lighthearted and slow. Katara wanted to take in everything she could, from the moonlight above to the dancing fireflies. Ba Sing Se, though never quiet, had a lazy energy in the evening, like a cat ready to pounce… if given the right reason. 

She was still wearing a small smile when they made it to the Jasmine Dragon. The lights were off inside, except for a candle on a corner table and a small pot of tea. 

Iroh had left a note, which Katara collected and read on the way up to their apartment,  _“Master Katara, may you have a wonderful birthday and a lovely birthday sleep. Sincerely, Uncle.”_ She blushed warmly, and tucked the paper away with her earrings. 

“He’s very sweet,” Katara murmured, a sidelong glance thrown at Iroh’s door while Zuko opened their own. “I wish he’d spend more time in the Fire Nation, though. He’s good for you.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162024855591)

Zuko was tired from their day of exploring, but it was a satisfied exhaustion. It felt whole and fulfilled and worthwhile. He opened the door, smiling at the pot of tea his uncle left them. He missed his uncle dearly. It was a blessing to see him again.

Katara seemed to almost notice his thoughts, and her words hurt in a surely unintentional way. The selfish part of him wanted to beg his uncle to stay, but the more overstating part of him, the truer part, was the one who urged him to go back to Ba Sing Se.

“He loves this city, these people, this country. I can’t take that away from him,” Zuko explained softly. “I’m happy for him.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162025182527)

“He also loves you,” Katara murmured, grabbing his wrist before he made it too far into the apartment. “Ba Sing Se, be damned. He can have a tea shop in Caldera.” 

She saw a touch of hurt flicker through Zuko’s gaze. He tried to hide it by forcing his eyes to the floor, but Katara brought a hand to his chin, prodding his eyes up. 

“You should ask him to come back,” She said, pecking his lips briefly. It was the first time they’d kissed the entire day, she realized, and Katara wished for more, but only after his worries were abated. “He would, for you.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162025523161)

Zuko returned her kiss, a small smile forming against her lips. He shook his head, though, when she pulled back. “Oh Kat, I can’t,” Zuko whispered. “I felt guilty when Aang made him come home,” he admitted quietly, not wanting to talk about the dark time.

“I know he would. That’s why I can’t. That’s why I can’t ask it of him. He deserves to be happy here. I took so much from him for years. I was so horrible to him, Katara. He took me in at my worst, and I didn’t even care. I was awful to him… he followed me into shame and humiliation when I was banished. He banished himself for me, and I talked to him like dirt. I can’t ask anymore of him when he’s finally so happy,” Zuko explained, cupping her neck gently.

“We visit often… it’s all right.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162028974352)

“Okay…” Katara gave in for now, her hands covering his on her neck. She didn’t want to push it, or upset him, not on a night that had been so fun, but she _was_ making the mental note to test the subject with Iroh. 

She could drop subtle hints over breakfast, talk about how much she missed him, how much Zuko loved him… how the Fire Nation was positively _devoid_ of good tea. All Katara wanted was Zuko’s happiness; too much of her believed that a family, _his_ family, all together in the palace was the key. 

She let him go, however, with a final kiss to his cheek. “I love you, Zuko. All I want is for you to have a good life, and a happy life.” Katara smiled, releasing his hands. “You deserve that much.” 

“And…” she crossed the apartment with the tea pot, selected two cups from a cupboard and poured them both a serving. “You deserve a taste of my rose blend.” 

Katara brought the steaming teacup to him, her own in hand. “I’m going to take a bath, okay? My entire body aches and need to soak the pain away… plus, I probably stink.” She laughed playfully when he nodded, teasing her. “Fine. I’m going… I won’t take long.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162029336851)

Zuko rubbed her back as she kissed his cheek, murmuring that he loved her too. A part of this sent guilt through him. She wanted Iroh to come be with him so badly, but what about her? What about her beloved father, grandmother, and brother? Would being ambassador be enough? Could she have a good life, a happy life- one that she more than deserved- without her family? Zuko began to worry, but took a seat on the sofa with the tea, trying to relax. 

Zuko stirred from his sleepy worry when he heard the door crack open though, Katara standing there in a towel. Zuko smiled at her, a blush forming on his cheeks. “Hey, beautiful,” Zuko murmured with a tender smile, his eyes soft with love. “Was the bath any better than the one on the boat?” teased Zuko.

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162030751297)

“It was bigger,” she said, smirking, “It might’ve fit you, too.” 

His resulting blush and glance away gave her enough time to grab her silky, blue robe, which she wrapped around her shoulders before dropping the towel, and tying that deftly in her hair. 

Katara cinched the thin sash, then faced him again. Her face was flush from the bath and the day’s excitement, plus the moon cast a white glow through their open window. It felt like an itch in her veins, making her want to run or bend or—

She glanced at Zuko’s tired gold eyes and turned red. 

“You- you should try it,” she muttered, feeling the inexplicable need to fill the silence. It was too pervasive, leaking into her bones and making her awkward. “T-the bath I mean… Take a bath. It feels… good.” 

Katara’s mouth twitched as she looked away. “It just, I mean, it might help if you’re sore,” she exhaled. “Or I could just heal you… since I’m a healer and that makes more sense.” 

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/mNvp-ZZCdI2et3UYw7AjIOw) [honxrable](http://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162031121041)

Zuko laughed at her teasing, though he blushed too. There was so much tension in the air, it was hard to breathe. Katara looked stunning in her blue, silky robe, and Zuko swallowed thickly, pursing his lips as he watched her tie it tighter. He scratched the back of his neck, and a lopsided smile took over his face. 

“A- A bath?” Zuko spoke, standing up and walking towards her, the room quiet and still. “Well, I did shower this morning already,” he whispered, taking her hand in the heat of the room. “I think healing, of course, is the most _practical_.”

* * *

 

[ ](https://tmblr.co/m1tEGH2mzezBa8Z3tdTJKvQ) [theadamantdaughter](http://theadamantdaughter.tumblr.com/post/162034107552)

“Oh…” 

Her skin burned where Zuko touched her, a fire racing up her arm and setting a rapid beat in her chest. Katara tried to convince herself that it was lingering sting of hot bath water, or even the remnants of wine in her blood, but the heat grew dizzying when he looked at her, whispering.

She blinked, trying to gather a semblance of thought. “Yes, a healing. I can heal you.” 

Katara tugged out of his grasp, her skin feeling cold and clammy almost immediately. She shook the thought, and paced to the sink to fill a bowl with the water she’d need.

She glanced over her shoulder, finding his eyes on her back. “You should take off your shirt… It’ll— it’s more _practical_.” Katara mimicked his own words, praying he couldn’t hear the waver in her voice.

_She_ could certainly hear the rustle of fabric, then the sound of him shifting from  the couch to the bed. Katara turned around with the bowl of cool water. She had to bite her  lip to keep her mouth falling open, because he was in his loose underpants, on his back in the center of the mattress.

When she managed to stop staring at his abdomen, Katara swore his eyes were flickering.

No… _no,_ it was the light. The room had a few sconces on the walls. The reddish glow was making his eyes dance like fire.

Katara swallowed, and brought the water with her to the bed. She perched on the edge, close enough to work on him, but pulled the towel from her hair first.

“I _uh_ , I might need it to dry you off,” she excused, pushing a single lock behind her ear, hoping the rest would hide the blush on her cheeks. She prayed the look she gave him was more curious, and not flat out ogling.

“Where- where do you hurt?”

* * *

 

[ ](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/) [honxrable](https://honxrable.tumblr.com/post/162044396506/these-lies-we-believe)

Zuko almost forgot all about the healing session amidst watching Katara. She looked so effortlessly beautiful in this intimate moment in their bedroom in Ba Sing Se. He took off his shirt on command, revealing his collection of scars, marked with the most prized as the centerpiece, from the Agni Kai. When Katara came back, his face was alit with a grin. 

He took the towel she handed him, wiping it over his body as he glanced up at her. “My back,” he replied, setting the towel on his lap as his hand reached over, rubbing it. “And, my shoulders,” he explained, “They’re just sore,” he spoke, linking their fingers as she stepped closer to him. His other hand rested on the small of her back and he leaned his head against her stomach as his eyes fluttered shut. 

“Too long on that boat, and we aren’t used to walking anymore, I suppose.”


	32. These Lies We Believe, Part 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw

“It’s nothing I can’t fix,” Katara murmured, her breath stuttering in her chest. The bed seemed to tremble under her knees, or maybe it was her. “I- I can—”

Her fingers linked with his, squeezing when his nose nuzzled her stomach. She would’ve fallen forward, the simple touch was enough to make her heart come to a faltering halt, but his free hand splayed across her lower back, his fingertips digging in to steady her.

She felt him lick his lips. His tongue wet the fabric hiding her hips, then his mouth pressed to the silk and his eyes closed like he’d implode if he so much as glanced at the the look on her face. 

A too-needy, too-hungry look. Katara tried to swallow a moan, but it came out strangled and low… _raw._  

Zuko pulled her closer, if that was possible with his lips already warming her flesh through her thin, silk robe. Katara wrapped an arm around his neck, fisting the hair on the back on his head. His grip on her waist tightened. He directed the hand he held around his shoulders as well, and Katara sank from her perch on her knees to his lap. 

Their eyes met, warm gold making her eyes blues melt with some kind of languid heat. Katara let out a trembling breath.

“Shouldn’t I… I should be…” She meant to ask if she should be healing him, or at least massaging away the knots in his shoulders. 

She could feel the tension under his skin. Every inch her fingers explored was stretched taut, covering the honed muscles in his back and down his chest. Katara traced the line of his sternum, her hand spreading over the grooves that cut across his stomach. Her other tugged his hair, and any reasonable thought about healing drowned in a fierce kiss. 

* * *

 

Zuko felt aflame, holding Katara this close. He could feel the heat of her skin through the thin, lacy robe she donned in. When she fell to his lap, Zuko could count the shades of blue in her eyes, even in the dark, and as trite as it seemed, he felt he could see right into her. His hands held her waist gently, waiting for hesitation or doubt. When he found none, and instead felt her hands against his bare chest, and a tug at his hair, Zuko gasped. When she kissed him, his eyes lulled shut, almost under a spell as he fell back on the bed. 

His hands caressed her sides as she deepened their kiss, feeling her tongue enter his mouth as Zuko moaned beneath her, breathing heavily with desire. He wanted her deeply, but didn’t even want to make too bold a move to make her feel pressured. That was the last thing he ever wanted, to make her feel uncomfortable with him. He wanted her to feel as safe with him, as he did with her. 

However, right now, things felt more than comfortable, and Zuko smiled against her lips. The fire lord took a gamble, flipping Katara over so that he was atop her. His hand held hers with locked fingers, pinning it against the bed as Zuko kissed her once more. This time, his kisses traveled from her mouth to her chin, to her neck with gasps and a moan of her name. 

“ _Kat_ …?”

* * *

This was new, all of it, from the way he kissed her to the way he pinned her beneath him. 

He hadn’t been so bold since the first night on the ship, if that could even be labeled as boldness. He’d kissed her some, touched her when he ventured it— but it’d all been careful, calculated, over her clothes and never anywhere she wished. 

But now… now, he settled on top of her, framed in by her legs with her hands entwined in his. She had no leverage, no control over where his lips went, but Katara didn’t care. She wanted his mouth everywhere. 

“There,” Katara murmured, breathless and trembling. His mouth was just above her collarbone, hovering there while his eyes looked up to hers. She let hers fall closed, twisting his hair to push his lips to her skin. “Mmm…” 

Wet kisses moved across her chest, brushing the edges of her robe as he lathed down her sternum. Katara coaxed his mouth to her breasts with a whispered plea, and his tongue was blindingly warm on the heated flesh. 

“ _God—_ ” 

Up ‘till then, Katara hadn’t entirely decided how far she’d let him go, but the pleasure filling her veins was enough to convince her. She pulled the hand he hand on her hip to the sash at her waist, and Zuko knew what she wanted in an instant. 

He tugged the fabric loose, and Katara helped him push the silk aside, his eyes followed the robe as it waterfalled off her ribcage, her eyes on him when his gaze flicked back to her chest. 

She bit her lip, then let it go.  _“Zuko…?”_

* * *

Zuko’s heart was racing in his chest with both excitement, arousal, and a bit of fear. He felt self-conscious and nervous, but also ecstatic and alive. She was gorgeous. Every inch of her was breathtaking, and he wanted to take in every part of her, savoring each layer of skin, and memorizing the way her skin felt against his own. 

He was taken aback when she urged him to uncover the robe, and tugged his head down to her sweet breasts where he eagerly obeyed her pleas. His hand tugged off her robe, and his skin felt hot. He was biting his lips as his eyes scanned over her, taking her bare form in. She was gorgeous, and he laughed out nervously when she looked up at him, blushing, his smile askew. 

He was afraid to go any further now without being totally sure. He propped himself up over her, looking her in the eyes despite his flustered state. “Katara,” began Zuko, brushing her hair from her face. “I love you,” he told her, “I want you,” he admitted, “But, only if you’re sure you want me to… that you want to do this, that you’re ready, one hundred percent sure. If not, we’ll wait,” he spoke. “I don’t care how long, okay? I just… I want– I want you to be okay,” he spoke, “I need to know you’re sure, Kat. Do you… do you want to… do you want have sex with me, Katara?” Zuko asked through an embarrassed laugh, realizing it was far from the sexiest way he could have asked that, and that he likely killed the mood. But, the pitter patter of his heart and his nerves, and his deep love and affection rendered him helpless but to otherwise. 

* * *

 "Yes… _God,_ Zuko—” She laughed shyly. A blush spread from her cheeks all the way down her chest, tinting her skin a pinkish-brown, and her eyes flicked everywhere but to his. “Now, you’re making me nervous.” 

Katara swallowed, using the pause to gather the bold courage that’d driven them to this point. She lifted her head from the pillow, offering a gentle kiss to coax the concern from his face. 

“I want you,” she murmured, letting go of his hair. Her hands came ‘round his shoulders, chasing gooseflesh down his chest to the scar that marked his diaphragm. “Zuko, I love you… I want you, _this._ ” 

* * *

Zuko smiled brightly at her reassurances, nodding, his hair unkempt and his smile askew. He put his arms around her, pulling her close as he then pulled her into a kiss. “Good,” he murmured between a kiss, rubbing his nose against hers. “I do too,” he spoke with a tender chuckle. “I just wanted to be sure,” he spoke, kissing her again, “If you want me to stop, if I do anything you don’t like, please just tell me, okay?” He murmured into her skin, then gently taking her wrists and pushing her back against the bed once more.

He kissed down her neck, his hand cupping her breast with a squeeze. “You’re beautiful, Katara,” Zuko murmured, “every damn inch of you- inside and out,” he spoke softly into her chestnut skin, kissing his way down her gorgeous body, over her breasts, where he stopped, taking a hard nipple into his mouth as his hand worked down lower, past the mount of curls and his fingers met her clit. She was already wet, and the mere thought brought the Fire lord more eager, moaning against her skin.

He began to rub circles against the bundle of nerves, his breath short and erratic with desire. “Let me know if this is okay… what– what feels good? Okay?”

* * *

“That,” Katara hissed, her body quaking at his touch. It was embarrassing how wet she was, really. They’d done nothing but kiss, yet her thighs were damp and every part of her seemed to be throbbing where his fingers touched. 

She clutched at the blankets fighting the urge to curve above them, to cry out. Katara couldn’t help herself though. His touch left her clit, venturing lower, until his fingers curled inside her. Her back arched over the mattress. 

“Zuko… _shit._ ” Katara whimpered through the curse, too hot, too shaky, too _vulnerable_ all at once. “God…” 

His lips started at her neck again, sucking the rapid pulse, making it race to a new, wilder pace. His teeth grazed her collarbone, and he pressed her name into her skin, his own moans, delicious. When his mouth closed over her breasted, suckling the dusty bud until it pebbled up against his tongue, Katara swore she’d never breathe, again. 

“Please.. _. please…”_

One hand let go of the sheets, meeting his as he teased her clit. Her hips rocked with every brush, and she pleaded— she pleaded and she panted and she hardly knew what she was begging for, what the build of heat in her blood was, until-

_“Fuck!”_ Katara’s breath left her in a rush. Her heart kicked in her chest, sending a pink flush all across her skin, dusting her in a sheen of sweat. Her legs quaked and her mouth hung open, his name all she could remember while the pleasured flowed through her veins _. “Zuko…”_

* * *

Zuko loved this. He loved making her squirm. He loved the sounds she made just for him. He loved her panting. He really just fucking loved _her_. He worked to the tune of her moans and trembles, and continued on. He grew harder, and more antsy the more he saw her writhe at his touch, proud of himself for the way she was unraveling beneath him, yet he was still full clad from the waist down. 

Before long she was quaking and trembling with her release, and a proud smirk took over the fire lord’s face along with a soft chuckle. He worked his way back up her body, kissing her all over, not wanting to miss a single square inch. They were both coated in their sweat and the smell of sex was quickly permeating the thick, summer air in the Ba Sing Se room. He knew his uncle would know somehow, and the teasing tomorrow would be relentless. But, for now, Zuko held onto this moment- all he could think or feel or be in was this very moment. 

Zuko kissed the ambassador deeply, a sigh escaping his lips as he squeezed her breast, longing for the same friction. Zuko moaned as he desperately began grinding against her in circles. “ _Katara_ ,” Zuko grunted into her mouth, his lip dragging down her chin, to her neck, “Fuck, please,” he begged, a smirk on his lips then, “ _Please_ , Kat.”

* * *

 

She met every circle of his hips with one of her own, but at his pleading, Katara pushed him away. She saw a look of surprise, almost hurt, flash across his face, before her hands guided him down to his back so she had the freedom to hover over him. 

His pants were soaked from her, and if her complete nakedness wasn’t enough to elicit vulnerability, the evidence how badly she wanted him was. A nervous sigh, a playful smile— Katara loosened his waistband and tugged the fabric down. 

“Oh…” Her eyes went wide. 

She’d never seen him, but she felt him; when their kisses went on too long, when her hands wandered too far. She’d had a mental picture in her head, something thick and hard… not _this._

Katara swallowed, fully aware she was staring, but not sure she cared.  _“Agni,_ you’re big.” 

Not that she had much to go on… Zuko took it as a compliment, nonetheless. Or perhaps his smile was one of pride, because he _knew_ and her words were just praise to add to a long list. 

“Sorry, I—” 

Zuko sat up and captured her lips, drowning whatever worries she had. A gentle hand on her hips directed her to straddle him, and he lay back down, though his fingers still grazed her chin. 

She braced herself on his chest, suddenly emboldened, if not by the plea in his throat, then the wild need in his gaze. She rolled her hips into his, washing his cock in a wet, slick heat and making them both moan too loudly. 

“Zuko…” Katara whispered his name, raising up as his hand slipped between them. His cock pressed against her sex, but patience rang true in his eyes, until she sank down on him, hips flush, and his eyes rolled back into his head. 

Katara hissed through her teeth, too full, too stretched. “Oh my god, _Zuko._ ” 

* * *

Zuko couldn’t help but smile, and chuckle proudly at Katara’s comment on his size. He was surprised by her words, but still flattered as he took her lips back into his. He guided her over him, expecting more foreplay, ready to ask her if she was still sure, if it felt okay, if she was ready, but before he knew it, Katara had him in her hand, and she sunk down on him. Zuko gasped in surprise, before his head hit the pillow and he moaned deeply, his eyes lulling back. 

He grabbed her hips, a pleasured smile on his lips, and his chest was heaving with heavy breaths in delight. Katara felt wonderful. She was so tight, slick, and warm. He could feel her walls around his throbbing member, and wanted so desperately for that friction, but he was glad she had surprised him by taking the lead and topping. He’d only had sex once before, with Mai, and he was on top. It was nothing like this. It was nothing like being with Katara. It was so much better, and not just in the way it felt, the way the whole thing was. He’d never had sex in love before, he figured. 

Already, it was incredible, and his body and soul ached for more. “Katara… f-fuck, Kat, Agni,” Zuko cursed, thrusting his hips upwards into hers. “Dammit, Kat… you’re so tight, shit,” Zuko cursed through strangled breaths as his thumb circled her clit, and his other hand clutched her breast. “Oh my God, you feel so good… it’s so good, Kat, please,” begged Zuko, pressing his hips against hers eagerly. 

“Shit… are- are you okay?” he murmured with a delighted laugh that faded into a moan. “Please… please, Kat, fuck,” Zuko cursed, “Please, Kat, f-faster, c-can you go faster… harder, please,” he begged, biting his bottom lip to stifle a deep moan of need, his fingers dragging down her breast, over her stomach to grip her hip, egging her on. “ _Please_.”

* * *

The first roll of her hips had her gasping, a kind of pained sound at the dull ache between her legs. But a moan was on the end of it, when his fingers danced across her breast and her clit, pulling pleasure back into the center of Katara’s focus. 

She could feel his heart racing beneath her palms. His breath came quickly and disappeared in pants, his skin flushing more and more as her confidence built and her movements turned steady, but slow. 

_“Fuck…”_

Katara hissed, falling forward so her elbows framed his head and she could kiss him. The angle offered something new, something shallower that felt better and provided that elicit friction to her clit. 

She groaned in his ear, “ _Please.._. Zuko…” and his fingers dug into her hips, a simple encouragement for how she moved, a subtle command to thrust quicker, harder. Katara’s teeth scraped down his neck when she gave in, moving faster, drawing louder sounds from his throat and her own. 

Everything felt perfect, _was_ perfect. From the murmurs of her name to the way his hands cupped her ass and her breasts tickled his chest. The room smelled of sweat and sex, and the headboard smacked the wall— louder, harder— between the slap of wet skin against wet skin and intermittent moans.

Katara couldn’t even find it within herself to be embarrassed or worried about what comments the morning would bring. Her pulse was racing and her blood _had_ to be on fire… that was the only explanation for how her body quaked. 

“Zuko— _oh my-”_ That tight feeling in her belly returned. She pressed up on his chest, her eyes half-closed but locked on his, curls stuck to her forehead and cheeks. Her fingers dug into his skin, and she rolled _and rolled_ her hips, chasing that feeling until it finally burst. “Zuko, _fuck!”_

* * *

Zuko felt fireworks go off inside him, like he’d never felt so complete before. This moment was perfect. Zuko felt alive, gasping at each breath, caught on a moan that ceasefired with her sudden kisses, her hands upon her chest, watching the bounce of her perky breasts, seeing her face, and those eyes– those fucking eyes. Zuko never wanted this to end, but with every time her slender, curvy body bounced, sinking on his pulsating cock, he felt the end coming nearer.

Zuko grabbed her hips, rocking his against hers in vigorous desperation for climax. He wanted this to last, but his body differed. His heart was thundering, and Katara was mewling at his every move. “Kat– Kat, fuck, fuck… Kat,” Zuko cursed, an unstated plea for more and more.

His breath was thick and heavy, and Katara cried out, reaching her peak. Zuko groaned deeply, loving the feeling of her kisses, her in command, her lips on his neck, but he grabbed her wrists, flipping her onto her back. Zuko pinned her wrists to beside her head, kissing her deeply before leaning his forehead against hers, catching her gaze with a smile.

Zuko thrusted into her body, pounding roughly, waiting for her release, as one of his hands crept down to thumb her wet clit. “Kat, shit, l-let go,” pleaded Zuko, his own release on the brink.

“F-Fuck… K-Kat, I-I can’t. Shit, I c-can’t last much longer, l-love,” Zuko husked into her ear with each edging thrust into her slick heat, his mouth leaving sloppy kisses on her neck with lackadaisical affection. “Please,” he begged through a moan, “I have to pull out,” he mumbled, lifting his head to kiss her with another pump into her sex before he gasped, “Fuck!” Zuko grunted with pleasure, his teeth gently grazing down her chin to her neck.

* * *

 

“Don’t—” She grabbed at his hips, keeping the pace at what it was, something erratic and needy. Zuko had her on the edge again, his fingers working a feverish pattern into her clit and his cock filling her to the brim— “Zuko… _g-god_ , don’t stop.” 

Katara’s eyes rolled back, and her mouth fell open with another broken cry.

_“Fuck…”_ Her hips met his, thrust for thrust. Her back curved, pressed her breasts into him, and his lips scraped down her neck, like he could taste the fire wrought under her skin. It was everything— him, the pleasure, the binding moment of writhing beneath him, vulnerability to his whims.

Then he cursed, and his body trembled. Smoke could’ve jumped from his lips for how hot his breath was. She held him closer, panting with him, sighing as the pleasure faded.

Zuko whispered her name, his head on her chest. Katara felt his heartbeat in her stomach, racing as wildly as hers. She traced the line of his spine, then corded her fingers in his hair, sleeping and satiated. 

“That— that was perfect.” 

* * *

“Perfect,” repeated Zuko, still trying to catch his breath with s smile. His head was lying on her chest and his fingers traced her skin as he moved to kiss in between her breasts lightly, then lying his head back down to listen to the quieting beat of her heart. Zuko curled close against her, his eyes fluttering with the beckon of sleep.

“I love you, Kat,” Zuko murmured tiredly, but with a warm and content smile, his breath going back to a peaceful state.

“But… Kat…” Zuko mumbled, sitting up with worry on his face. “Did… did you get the tea from uncle? The contraceptive, I mean? Because I- I didn't… we can’t have a baby. N-not now, anyway,” he spoke with a blush, his desire to marry her someday, have a family with her, slipping through.

* * *

As much as she hated to break the moment, Katara realized with a petulant heart that she needed to. She sat up slowly, gently leaving the embrace beneath the sheets, and slipped from the bed. 

“I imagine I can find it…” she murmured, covering up with Zuko’s red robe and taking a flickering lantern from the table. Katara smiled at him as she went to the door. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

She opened the door and padded down to the pantry as quietly as she could, rummaging through Iroh’s stores. She almost felt like a thief, and reasoned she could just ask the man in the morning, but Katara remembered Yugoda’s lessons on the time sensitivity of such things. 

“Watercress… watercress… _watermelon?_ ” Katara halted on one of the tea packets, reading the odd flavor with mild curiosity. She made a mental note to ask Iroh about the blend, wondering how the fruit might taste. 

She put the bag aside, then resumed her search. Half the issue was that she never bothered to learn the name of the contraceptive. Katara knew what the leaves looked like, but…

She raised the lantern a little higher, reading the bags up above, and caught a shadow in the entrance. 

“Oh!” Katara leapt back, only calming when her eyes adjusted and recognized the shape of Zuko’s uncle. She blushed horridly, “H-hi… Iroh… Uncle Iroh… sir.”

_Sir?!_

She scrambled for an excuse. But, she couldn’t even mumble out something about a late-night craving. Katara just stood there, staring, hoping he wouldn’t say anything or ask anything, but the sound of the headboard hitting the wall kept ringing in her ears. 

Then, Iroh laughed, and Katara sighed heavily, “Please… I- I’m sorry.” 

“Here,” the older man selected a citrus flavored blend from the shelf to his right, “if I may be so bold, or… if I may judge by the… _wrestling_ , hmm?” A chuckle bubbled up, and Katara turned a brighter red. “This might be what you’re looking for.” 

She took it with shaking hands, her breath coming quick and her voice, flighty. 

“Thank you, Iroh.” 

He smiled, “A cup once a day, my dear, around the same time… but, seeing how it’s past midnight, you can discredit tonight.” 

“Thank you…” Katara nodded, and the older man moved aside, letting her leave the pantry. She stopped in the hall however, still embarrassed and still red, but she knew Iroh would get a laugh from it, “Uncle Iroh…? You know Zuko’s going to act like nothing happened tomorrow. Tease him for me?”

The man laughed heartily and waved her up the stairs, “Don’t worry, darling… my nephew has never been able to keep a single thing from me.” 

* * *

Zuko was worried. What if she couldn’t find something? He smiled at her with a nod as she crept out the door, but sat up straight awaiting her return. Zuko stood, slipping his undergarments back on before he resorted to pacing. He sighed in relief when Katara came back in the door, walking to her.

“Did you find something? I- I know there’s a tea, I just don’t know if uncle would have it,” Zuko spoke, “maybe there’s a store open… I- I can go out for you, and look, Kat?” Zuko suggested, his hand on her forearm. “I’ll find something.”


	33. These Lies We Believe, Part 10

Katara raised a brow at his obvious stress, slightly amused as she held her hand out with the tea bag in her palm. 

“Your uncle has every blend known to man, Zuko,” she smirked, pulling away from him with a laugh. Katara went to the stove and put a pot of water on, a smile on her lips. “He gave me what I needed, and some instructions to keep in mind if we…. _continue._ ” Katara said, gauging by Zuko’s sharp breath that he was mortified. 

She threw a glance his way. “Don’t worry, love. He promised he’d only tease you a little bit, though we may want to look at stuffing a pillow between the headboard and the wall. I imagine that’s what… _alerted_ him.” 

* * *

 

Zuko blushed deeply when he realized his uncle knew of his more intimate moments. He slapped a hand over his face with a groan. “Spirits, Kat,” grumbled Zuko, his face still red and dreading the morning. He took a deep breath, however. At least she got the tea.

“Whatever,” he spoke with a scoffed sigh. “At least we have the tea. That’s the important part,” Zuko said, then smiling at her, putting a hand on her back as he moved to peck her cheek.

“The palace has plenty.”

* * *

 

“Good to know,” Katara muttered, a dark scowl pressing her brows together when she turned around. 

The comment bothered her, for stupid reasons, obviously, but a mind in love wasn’t exactly logical. Didn’t he tell her that there hadn’t been anyone between their kiss in this very tea shop and his arrival in the South Pole? She knew she could believe him. Katara _knew_ it. 

But, oddly, her hand wrapped around the tea kettle a bit too tight, and she may’ve pulled it from the stove roughly, then plunked it on the table harshly,  like she was mad. Katara winced a little, because she knew he noticed, and now her skin was flaming with embarrassment. 

She couldn’t help it, though. “Why such a big stash, Zuko?” 

* * *

 

Zuko looked at her, puzzled. She was blatantly irritated with him, and until she snapped, he didn’t know why. He groaned with his stupid word choice. He only meant to tease her about the nights together they could have once they got to the palace. He hadn’t meant to imply that he had needed it all.

“Kat,” Zuko spoke, “come on,” he added with a deep breath. “I told you, Katara. I wouldn’t lie. If I was with other women, I would have told you,” he explained honestly. “You and Mai are the only ones I’ve been with and I haven’t even heard from Mai since my coronation,” Zuko assured her. “The palace staff has thousands of people, Katara. People live in the palace, Kat, the nobles and workers. I can tell you now that they’re not exactly celibate people.”

* * *

 

Katara shook her head as she poured water over the tea bag, “I know… _I know._ ” A sigh escaped her, and she took the steaming cup with her back to bed, “I’m sorry, it’s just— you’re not exactly undesirable. I wouldn’t blame you.”

She set the cup on a bedside table to let it steep, and loosened Zuko’s robe. It fluttered to the floor around her feet, leaving her naked again, for the few moments before she slipped beneath the waiting covers.  

“I can’t say it wouldn’t make me jealous, or just the _idea_ of it,” Katara mused, fisting the blankets in her hands. She smiled amusedly, and reached for her tea, which had cooled in the last few minutes.

“I might be a jealous person…” She took a sip. Her eyes widened at the taste, as it was surprisingly fruity and sweet. “Damn, is the blend you’ve been hoarding like this, too? This is so much better than the tea Yugoda showed me.” 

* * *

 

Zuko softened at her surrender, and sighed. He followed her into the bed beneath the covers, laughing at what he was pretty sure was at least a half compliment. “There is no reason under the sun for you to be jealous of anyone,” Zuko told her, draping his arm over her torso, propped up on his elbow, smiling at her wide and crooked, his eyes droopy with the blissful aftermath of their lovemaking.

“Why would I ever want anything else when I have the best?” Whispered Zuko. “I love you. If I didn’t trust you so much, I would be the one who should be worried. Haven’t you ever looked in a mirror?” Teased Zuko, leaning down for a kiss. “All I’ve got to palace girls is money and power- but to get that you need to marry me. Other than that, not so desirable,” he jested, lying his head on her chest after she finished the tea.

He laughed at her comment, “I’m glad it’s good,” said Zuko, “I’m not sure what the effects of a female contraceptive on me would be, but if it’s as good as you say, I’m a tad jealous,” Zuko joked, snuggling in closer to her, allowing a beat of silence to pass.

 

 

* * *

 

“Oh, I’m sure it’d be a travesty,” Katara jibed, “One sip and you’re likely to sprout tits and a uterus.” 

She finished the tea with a giggle, but as soon as the cup was set aside, Katara fell back against the pillows, laughing. “Don’t tell me you’re as sensitive as the Water Tribe men. _Please…”_

She smiled as she pressed closer to him, caged in his arms with their legs tangled together. It was late, too late, but too much of her thrummed with an excited energy— partly from the moon, partly from the naked skin brushing hers. 

Zuko’s breaths were sleepy though, and his murmured gratitudes only proved it further. So, Katara settled with stroking his hair, running her fingers down his back, and murmuring in his ear. 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else, Zuko.” Her lips pressed to the marred flesh of his left cheek. “I love you. Too much.” 

* * *

 

Zuko laughed against his girlfriend’s chest, his cheeks rosy from her teasing, but his smile was still bright. His hand stroked her arm gently as hers ran through his hair and over his back, lulling him to sleep. Zuko felt so at peace, and so content. He never imagined he could be so happy– now he was here, at his uncle’s, with Katara. It was more than he could have ever hoped for. 

Her words warmed him from his chest to his head to his toes and he smiled tiredly when she kissed his scar. “I love you too, Kat,” Zuko whispered. “I’m so happy… I’m really happy, just being here with you and my uncle here in Ba Sing Se– not worrying about all the things I have to do,” he confessed through a yawn, “I’m so happy,” he said again before drifting off to a peaceful and dreamless sleep.


	34. These Lies We Believe, Part 11

For the first time in her life, Katara woke before him. When she sat up and looked him over— from the soft smile on his face to the way his bare chest rose and fell steadily— it occurred to her that maybe sex was all it took to keep Zuko asleep past sunrise. 

She laughed under her breath, feeling oddly light, her stomach fluttering. Katara knew Iroh would be downstairs waiting for them, and probably planning a dozen one-liners to put a blush on his nephew’s face. Part of her couldn’t wait. Zuko’s embarrassed pout was perhaps his most adorable look. 

Katara slipped from the bed and dressed in a simple blue tunic, complete with navy pants, her walking boots, and a waterskin. When she bounded down the stairs, Iroh had a display of food and tea on the kitchen table. 

“Morning, General.” 

“Lady Katara,” his voice sounded amused, and there was a twinkle in Iroh’s eyes. “I trust you slept well?”

“I did.” 

Katara sat across from Iroh, noted that a cup of that citrus tea was waiting for her and blushed. Her fingers fumbled around the lip, and Katara searched for something else to say. 

“Did- did you sleep well?” 

The man glanced up, smirking, “Oh… I suppose. Once things quieted down.” 

“Right,” Katara couldn’t hold his gaze, “Well, they say Ba Sing Se is the city that never sleeps.” 

* * *

 

When the sun beat through the curtains of the late morning, hitting his face, Zuko awoke. He felt refreshed, and the happy moved from yesterday had carried over. He glanced aside to see Katara gone, and frowned before noticing her bag, and shaking his head at the ridiculousness of even a passing thought.

Zuko went and brushed his teeth, washed his face, and got changed before creeping down the stairs with his face aglow. “Good morning, Kat, Uncle,” Zuko greeted with a smile, grabbing a plate and pouring himself some tea.

“The weather today looks so nice, don’t you think?” He commented.

* * *

 

Katara’s eyes widened as he sat, and she gave him look as if to ask  _‘The weather?!’_ but Iroh was on him before she could so much as laugh. 

“Yes… yes, it is a lovely day,” the man smiled, stroking his beard, “it seems whatever thunderstorm rolled through last night has cleared up. Though, I can’t say the ground is any less parched for it.” 

She nearly choked on her tea, but Katara couldn’t say she wasn’t grateful for the cup pressed to her lips. It hid the smile that appeared when Zuko snorted. 

Iroh raised a brow, glancing across the table at his nephew, “Are you… any less parched, Lord Zuko? It’d been quite a dry spell, _hmm?_ ” 

 _“Oh my—”_ Katara swore tea came out her nose. She fumbled with the china, setting it gently, but oh-so-clumsily on its saucer, and grabbed a napkin to wipe her chin. 

Zuko looked mortified. She knew she should feel bad for asking Iroh to torment him, but… the look on his face was priceless. Open-mouthed, gawking, his pupils small with shock. 

Katara smirked, “Well, I can’t speak for him, but I’m not thirsty anymore.”  

* * *

 

Zuko’s mouth was flubbering around like a fish out of water on a deck. His face was as red as the apples on the table, and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. He looked at Katara in shock, like she’d betrayed him when she joined in Iroh’s teasing.

“I– I… well, um…” Zuko began, coughing into his hand. “I just…” he mumbled, now scratching the back of his neck. “I- I could definitely go for a cup of tea!” Zuko exclaimed, taking the pot of black tea, and pouring one for himself before sinking in his seat, his free hand covering his face.

“Where… where do you want to go, Kat…?” Zuko mumbled, unable to look either in the eye.

“Well, we were really busy yesterday,” Katara mused, putting her hand on Zuko’s thigh beneath the table. “We could go to the spa today… I think some R & R is in order.” 

* * *

 

She gave his leg a squeeze, half apologizing, half hoping it’d cheer him. If he was upset, she knew it was mostly her fault, considering she’d encouraged Iroh’s teasing. At least, the older man had stopped, though a jovial smile remained on his face. 

“You’ve been working hard, too, Iroh…” she started, finding this was the opportunity she needed. “Zuko told me on our trip here that he’d made repairs to the Ember Island home. You should visit us there, take an extended holiday, after we’re done searching for Ursa, of course. Maybe the four of us could catch up!” 

* * *

 

Zuko was glad for the digression, and smiled at Katara with the suggestion. “Ba Sing Se is known for their spas,” Zuko agreed, putting his hand over hers on his leg. “We can go anywhere in the whole city,” Zuko explained, taking a sip from his teacup, and nodding at Katara’s invitation. His uncle had always loved spas. He went looking for his own makeshift ones during their journeys. 

“You should come, Uncle!” Zuko agreed enthusiastically, but his smile broadened into sheer excitement at the thought of his mother and uncle, alongside Katara, at Ember Island– all together. “And, Ember Island… that sounds amazing. Kat, that’s a wonderful idea. Say you’ll come, Uncle? Please– when- when we find her, please?”

* * *

 

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Iroh said, smiling softly. “I have a few assistants who can run the shop while I’m gone… and I have been running low on a few Fire Nation blends.” 

Katara nodded, “It’ll be wonderful. We’d love to see you, and have you.” She looked at Zuko, then. “I imagine your family will have so much to catch up on.”

“We do,” Iroh agreed, his face turning thoughtful. Katara could tell he harbored some worry about Ursa and Zuko’s relationship, but he hid it well behind a happy wink. “Anyway, if I may suggest a spa, try out the Gilded Lily. It’s only a few blocks from here. I’m quite the regular.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled, feeling giddy and excited like a child to think of such a prospect. He smiled, leaning over and kissing Katara’s cheek. “That sounds great, Uncle,” Zuko agreed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. 

“We’ll take it easy today– no rush for anything,” said Zuko. “We’ll go to the spa, and… I think there are fireworks tonight? Right, Uncle? We can go up to the veranda again… like before,” Zuko spoke with a reminiscent smile. 

“It’ll be nice.”

/////////////

The fireworks were nice that night, and they were the night after and after that too. The week sped by, and they wound up staying an extra week too. It was so simple and easy being with Katara and Iroh for Zuko that he wished it never had to end. Things were quiet, simple, and protected there. But, that made Zuko worry if his mom was lacking such niceties. That was what implored him to go. 

Iroh packed them well with food and tea for their journey, and gave them blessings. The couple bid their farewells to the giant world capital with fondness and a promise to return, and Zuko promised himself that he’d return alongside his mother. 

And off to find his mother– they went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes, These Lies We Believe


	35. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 1

It was Katara who suggested they try Hira’a. Their months of scouring the Earth Kingdom had proved fruitless, with not a soul having seen the former Fire Lord’s banished wife. In her hometown, at least, some of the citizens might _know of_ Ursa. 

Convincing him was difficult. Zuko had a hard time believing she’d be in the Fire Nation, so close, without even reaching out to him. Katara couldn’t think of where else she would be.

The journey to the edge of the Fire Nation was quick, but full of long silences and petulant talks late at night. Katara prayed the whole way that the woman was dead or imprisoned. That would be easier. That would let Zuko heal. 

When they disembarked on the humid shores of Zuko’s homeland, she put a hand on his back. She could feel the nervous energy thrumming through him. Katara tried to swallow all the worry that turned her stomach. 

“Just… just guard your heart, Zuko” she murmured, biting her lip. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

* * *

 

They had searched high and low from the mountains of the Air Temples, to the bushed rainforests of the Earth Kingdom, to the desolate tundras of the Water Tribes. Zuko refused to believe she was in the Fire Nation. But, now she wasn’t anywhere, so he decided to listen to his girlfriend with reluctance. 

Zuko had never been to the pastoral fields of the small village his mother was from. He didn’t know what family he had here. His mother never ever spoke of her home life. He could meet aunts and uncles and cousins or maybe even grandparents here. Zuko smiled at such a prospect, if then, this wouldn’t be for naught, even if Ursa was not here. He could at least see where she grew up, explore his own roots on the other side- the purer side. Zuko could use a countryside break. 

Zuko took a deep breath as they docked on the bay of the verdant, lush land of Hira’a. Zuko smiled, feeling renewed. He was excited– he had hope. He turned and smiled at Katara, “Don’t worry, Katara. We’re going to find her. She’s going to love you. I know she will. Things are going to be hard, but they’re going to be great. Trust me, okay? Please? Can you trust me?” Zuko asked, leaning over and kissing her cheek. 

* * *

 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Zuko, it just…” Katara tried to voice it, but the glint in his eyes was too bright, too full of hope. She shook her head, “It’s nothing… come on.” 

She lead the way from the docks to the town. Neither of them had a clue where they were going, but she’d always been more of the extroverted type, and Zuko seemed to have no issue trailing just behind her. 

They made it to an open-air market first, which made sense, considering its proximity to the waiting shores. Katara kept her eyes wide, her focus alert. It was obvious that she was drawing stares, and if not her, then, Zuko. Curious glances slid over them— astonished respect at the sight of him, wary perusals when their gazes flicked to her. 

Katara tried not to mind; though, she cursed herself for not wearing red. 

She braved the first shop keeper who didn’t outright glare her way, and pulled a portrait from her satchel. “Excuse me,” Katara addressed him, sounding calm and polite. 

“We’re looking for someone… She grew up here.” Katara held the parchment up for the man to see. “Do you know her?” 

HIs brown eyes flitted from her to the picture, then narrowed almost instantly with a hushed whisper.

_“Lilah?”_

“Who?” Katara glanced at him in confusion, watching his lips purse, then tighten, before his gaze drifted over her shoulder to Zuko. “Her name’s Ursa… the former wife of the former Fire Lord… Do you know her?” 

The man looked like he was about to shake his head, to lie and turn away. She could see the denial hanging from his lips.

“We don’t mean her any harm, but…” She looked back at Zuko’s nervous expression, “his Highness would appreciate your honesty.” 

The shopkeeper swallowed, silent for another beat, then sighed. “She goes by Lilah now. She’s my wife.” 

* * *

 

The marketplace was full of color, hustle and bustle, the smell of fresh fruit, the sound of the chatter of the townsfolk, the stares of the awed people to see the fire lord and a Water Tribe woman amongst their small town. Zuko thought it was a nice, quaint place, and he envisioned himself spending summers here with Uncle and Katara. His heart was light and full of hope. He followed Katara as she held the portrait close, and found then Katara conversing with a shopkeeper. 

Zuko quickly stood behind her with a smile, his hands on her shoulders. He bit his lip, awaiting the man’s answer. But, his answer made his heart race. Lilah? His mother went by Lilah? She was this man’s wife? –Is. She was alive. Zuko smiled widely, laughing in excitement. He turned Katara around with a giddy laugh and lopsided smile and bright eyes, embracing her. 

“Spirits, Katara! I told you we’d find her!” Zuko exclaimed, embracing her tightly. “She’s married,” Zuko said, smiling, “You look like a nice man, nicer than my father at least,” Zuko explained, offering a hand to the man. “I’m Zuko,” he told him, expecting the man to know his name well. Surely, his mother went off about him all the time. 

“Yes, the fire lord,” the shopkeeper answered quizzically. “My name is Ikem,” he replied, “Your mother, it’s a small town, they knew her as Ursa, but… this was to start over,” explained Ikem, and Zuko nodded, but he was confused. His mother could have visited? With Ikem? Zuko didn’t care at the moment about his millions of questions, he just wanted to see her. 

“She’s my mom,” Zuko explained. “Please, Ikem, take me to your home. I’ve been searching for so long. I’ve been so worried sick about her… I haven’t seen her in twelve years, you must understand,” Zuko said, smiling still wide. “I’ll have dinner prepared for everyone, and I– I can get my own place to stay. I mean no bother, I just– I need to see her. I need my mother- I need to see her all right.”

* * *

 

Ikem agreed. Who _wouldn’t,_ when the Fire Lord was asking for a meal in their home? The man closed the shop quickly, and started for the northern part of town. 

Katara could tell by his gait alone that Ikem was nervous. But _what for?_

She was the one who should be worried. Zuko, too, but he had a naive grin plastered across his face and Katara didn’t want to shatter it. So she worried, alone with her thoughts and quiet on the walk to Ikem’s quaint cottage. 

It was the same style as all the others— pale earthen walls, a wooden door, a thatched roof. A small yard spread before it, fenced in, and a number of komodo chickens ran about, chased by a little girl. 

She looked up when Katara and Zuko approached, all gold eyes and dark hair and a curious smile that Katara recognized immediately. It didn’t take the girl running into the arms of Ikem for Katara to know who she was. 

“This is Kiyi,” Ikem said, nuzzling his daughter, “Sugarplum, will you say hello to our guests?”

Kiki waved, and Katara gave the girl a little smile, “Hi… I’m Katara. This is Zuko. How old are you?” 

“Five!” The girl chirped, and slid out of Ikem’s embrace. Once her feet were on the ground, she paced towards the modest front door. “My mom’s inside. She’s making dinner, but you’re all early—  _Mama!”_

There was a scuffle inside, a pot clanging like Kiyi had started someone. Then, the door opened, and an elegant woman, perhaps most elegant Katara had ever seen, stepped through the doorway. 

“What? What is all the commotion?” Ursa laughed, then looked up, her smiling fading quicker than it came. 

Katara swore she could feel the woman’s heart rate pick up. 

Ursa swallowed, and her golden eyes turned cold. “I see you found me.” 

* * *

 

Zuko was elated, searching through the clear cut, dirt path to the charming cottage with a small farm. It looked like a lovely, rustic home and Zuko’s heart swelled with excitement to see his beloved mother. Not a day had passed that he hadn’t thought of her. Zuko was more excited than ever as he approached the picturesque abode. 

A little girl scampered out, and Zuko smiled, that must be his sister. He looked over to Katara with excitement. She never seemed to share it, and it hurt him. Why couldn’t she be happy for him? Zuko tried not to let it bother him, after all, she’d still come all this way for her. 

It was then– Zuko saw her. She was unmistakeable. Her eyes were that soft amber that rocked him to sleep on loud nights and dried his tears amidst his father’s rampages. She had more wrinkles on her pale skin, and gray streaks in her jet black hair, She had the same rosy lips and small smile. She was a beautiful woman. Zuko’s heart was as warm as a fireplace and his eyes melted with love and tears as he walked towards her. 

“ _Mama_ –” Zuko choked out, a tear escaping his eye as his voice cracked and he wavered in his steps in relief and joy. He could not believe she was okay- alive, in front of him. But, when he extended his arms, her words were cold and brusque. 

 “I never stopped looking,” he spoke, shaking his head with a quivering lip. “Mom, I was so worried. I was so scared. As soon as you were heard to possibly be alive, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I sent out search party after search party, Agni, Mom, I can’t believe you’re here. I love you, Mom… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry it took me so long, but– I- I’m here, Mom,” Zuko cried, wiping his unscathed eye with a smile. 

She remained cold and stiff, but forced a taut smile. She walked to him and gave him an embrace, patting his back before pulling backwards. 

“You’ve grown up, my son,” she stated. “You’re a strong man,” Ursa stated, evaluating him, but all she could see in him was Ozai. His bone structure, his eyes, his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, his hair, even that scar was from Ozai. He had Sozin’s blood coursing through him, raised in that wicked house she dreaded so. It wasn’t his fault, but she couldn’t bear it any longer. She loved her life here, with the man she loved, with her daughter who was pure, sweet, and normal. Zuko and Azula were anything but that. They were her kids, and she was thrilled they were alive, but she didn’t want anything to do with them.

They were half Ozai. They were half that monster’s creation. They were that palace and coldness and war and prison and darkness. She refused to touch that part of her life, ever again. That was why she was hiding out now. That was why she didn’t want to be found. She was glad to see her son all right, but she couldn’t be in his life. She couldn’t have this. 

“I’m glad you stopped by… but… I- I need you to go, okay? I… I can’t have you back here, Zuko.”

Those words were enough to shatter Zuko’s heart. He blinked in confusion, shaking his head, the tears moving from joy to sadness. 

“I’m sorry, Zuko. Please understand, my son.”

“ _Mom_ –?”

* * *

 

Katara looked at the woman in complete bewilderment. Then, when Ursa wrapped Zuko in a stiff hug, all but _shooing_ him from Hira’a, Katara could’ve vomited. 

It made her sick, all her fears and concerns coming to fruition. She could see the pain flash across Zuko’s face, no matter how quickly he tried to stifle it, and his mother just stood there. 

_Arms crossed. Face pinched. Gold eyes the opposite of Zuko’s molten amber._

She huffed angrily, earning a glance of warning from Zuko— he didn’t want her yelling, but Katara wasn’t one to hold her tongue. 

“It’s only for the evening,” she said, eyeing Ursa. She somehow managed to keep her tone level, if not from her own restraint, than from the longing look Zuko gave her. “We’ve traveled a long way, and we’re tired… this is your son, Lady– _Lilah._ This is your son and he’s been searching for you since his coronation. What will one meal together hurt?” 

Katara looked at the woman expectantly, but it was Ikem who seemed to give in. “She’s right, love…” the man cajoled his wife. “Lord Zuko and—” 

“Master Katara,” she said again, keeping her miffed pride at a minimum. She never thought her name would be easily forgotten. “Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, Daughter of Head Chieftain Hakoda and Lady Kya, and girlfriend of the Fire Lord.” 

She nodded proudly, and Ikem cleared his throat. 

“Welcome,” he said, looking back at Ursa, “They  _have_ come a long way. We already have dinner half prepared… why don’t we finish it together, and discuss things over the meal?” 

* * *

 

Zuko’s heart was shattering in his chest, and he had to hold his breath in order to keep it together. He was biting his lip when he walked inside, and he stole ahold of Katara’s hand. He needed her right now. He needed that support for fear he would crumble apart at the dinner table.

Zuko walked inside. The house was lovely. It had pink painted walls, wooden floors with pretty rugs, portraits of the three of them hanging, a rocking dragon, toys scattered about, a nice kitchen, dining room, and two bedrooms. Zuko was happy, at least, his mom was safe. She was very happy and had so much love in her life now. She deserved that. She deserved happiness and love. At least, he’d know she had that security.

Zuko sat at the table beside Katara and Ursa, smiling at Kiyi who was putting her doll in a little chair. Zuko couldn’t get over how he had another sister. He could not wrap his head around why he couldn’t be in their lives. He would never make them leave here. He just wanted to be in her life– their lives. Was he so awful?

Was he so awful his own mother, both his parents, left and no longer wanted him? Was he that worthless? Worthlessness was all Zuko could feel. That and abandonment. He felt disposable and useless and low. He was trying to smile at the table as Ikem served them dinner, but his heart was breaking.

“This smells divine, Ikem, thank you,” Zuko replied, “I haven’t had a home cooked Fire Nation meal in ages,” he spoke graciously. “I’m starving,” he said with a chuckle. “And Kiyi, I love your doll’s little chair. She must be hungry too,” teased Zuko softly.

He turned to his mother then, “Mom, it took so long to find you. Kat and I looked everywhere,” Zuko tried to shift the mood, but she just kept staring at the steak she was cutting. Zuko looked to his girlfriend. “Kat has been so helpful. You two would get along great–”

“We won’t!” Snapped Ursa emotionally, causing the room to fall silent as her eyes watered. “Zuko, I am sorry you looked so hard and came so far. I’m sorry,” she spoke. “But, I can’t do it. I can’t even eat with you now… I’m shaking. I dreaded this day. I’m just glad it’s you and not Azula. Please try to understand, Zuko. I do not want to hurt you, but look at this from my eyes. Your father destroyed me, and I took so long picking up the pieces. I’m finally better and happy. Seeing you… Zuko, you’re just like him. You’re just like Ozai. I can’t see you again. It takes me back. I can’t have anything to do with the royal family ever again, and that unfortunately, for my mental wellbeing, must include you and your sister as well. I’m sorry. Please– just try to empathize with me here. I’m hurting. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Okay? Please know that.”

* * *

 

The air could’ve been sliced with her own knife, it was so wrought with tension. 

Ursa’s outburst had every pair of eyes pulled to hers— the wide gold of Kiyi, Ikem’s surprised brown, Zuko’s narrowed shock and pain. Katara wondered what showed in hers; if the blue was shattered or hard or a perilous mix of both, like a lake of thin ice. 

When the tea in her cup froze and burst, Katara assumed the latter. 

She stared at the broken shards. Then, her eyes flashed up to the former Fire Lady and she knew, from the woman’s tremulous breath, that something dangerous lurked in her gaze. 

“It hurts _you?” K_ atara sneered, and her voice growled so low it was reminiscent of her confrontation with Yon Rha. “Your son has spent ten years without a mother—” Katara set her utensils aside—  _“It hurts you?”_

Just like all those years ago, her tone snapped, licking viciously at old wounds. 

“Your own daughter is a monster, but she didn’t have to be.” Katara spat across the table. “She grew up believing that, _because of you_ — because you left her in the hands of that homicidal maniac and he _broke_ her mind!” 

The teapot shattered, followed by the resounding pop of four more teacups, their hot contents gone cold, turned to ice. 

Katara’s face was a contorted vision of rage. “Your son grew up without you! His father abused him and exiled him. He’s lived in wealth, he’s lived in poverty, he’s scraped and clawed and fought his way to be the humbly beautiful man he is today and he wants to share that with you—” 

She shook her head in disbelief.  _“It hurts you… **hah!** ” _Katara pushed back from her seat, standing as the tears of pure fury came. 

“Do you know what I would give to have my mother back!? I would sell _my soul_ to the devil himself, but it turns out, _you’re worse!_ You’re worse than the most vile thing imaginable! You have your family. You have your children and your life and you chose to leave them!” 

She sensed Zuko standing, too, even though his lips trembled and tears stained his face. Warm fingers wrapped around her biceps, trying to soothe her, or maybe just pull her away. 

“My mother died in front of me. She died to protect me from men your husband sent to kill the last waterbender!” Katara was blind to the red hot anger, blind as she stumbled back in Zuko’s grasp and he shoved her towards the door. “She _died!_ And you get to live your pathetic life, forgetting your kids, _neglecting_ your kids. You bitch! _You’re a fucking cunt—”_

* * *

 

_‘–You’re just like him. You’re just like Ozai…’_

Those words ran on repeat in his head like a creaky, broken record. Zuko’s heart was deteriorating in his chest and Zuko had to swallow just to breathe. She never wanted to see him again? Zuko felt sick. He felt more worthless than a used piece of parchment thrown out in the rain. He had been thrown away and left to rot, yet again, and right now, his heart was rotting. 

Zuko was stunned silent. He could barely here Katara’s voice, even as she shattered teacups and broke glass, and screamed with all the rage of the Spirits. He felt numb and distant like he was on the outside looking in. He couldn’t believe his mother had intentionally kept from him all this time. He was yearning for her, and missing her, and worrying over her, and doing everything in his power to find her, and she was throwing him away– for good. 

Katara was right. She was reluctant and dubious and knew that his mother didn’t need him. She knew that no one would ever want him. He should have known better too. Who would want him? What good was he? 

Zuko stood, repressing his tears, and bowing to them, he felt like a ghost, out of body even as he walked to Katara, worrying for her now as she cried and trembled. “Kat,” Zuko whispered, his hands giving her biceps a gentle squeeze. He turned to Ikem, Kiyi, and his mother, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry… thank you for your hospitality,” Zuko spoke, bowing to them in obligatory gratitude and for the onus of courtesy. 

Zuko directed Katara out through her tears and once the door closed behind them, he pulled her in close, and held her for dear life. “I’m sorry I wasted your time,” Zuko spoke blankly. “You were right. She doesn’t want me,” he stated. “I was so stupid,” he murmured, still calm– a calm that rested behind a storm of tears he didn’t want her or especially anyone else to see. “I’m really sorry, Katara. I should have listened to you… I- I am glad I get to see for myself, at least, that she’s okay… she’s happy… she’s very safe… I’m– I’m glad f-for that,” Zuko’s voice broke on the last part, giving Katara another squeeze. 

“I… I’m okay… I- I think I’m going to go for a walk along the stream here, I– I–”


	36. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 2

She hadn’t expected to be so shaken, so vilely angry, so rendered in two by Ursa’s denial of her son. Katara thought maybe she should’ve seen it coming— her emotional closeness, at the very least.

She was too intertwined, too tangled up in Zuko’s journey; because she cherished him like she cherished her own soul, because she missed her mother and she woke up crying at night wishing she could curl up in the fur blankets between her dad and mom. 

_ The Fire Nation took my mother away from me! _

She wanted this for Zuko. She wanted the healing she couldn’t have. She wanted that for him. 

_ I’m sorry. That’s something we have in common.  _

Except they didn’t. His mother was alive. The Fire nation didn’t take her. She’d abandonded him. In one fell swoop, Ursa had wreaked havoc on her son’s spirit and crushed Katara’s clinging belief that even if she didn’t have her mom, she had someone who loved her and who understood.

Katara crumbled in his arms in the garden outside the home. She crumbled and broke, shattered for reasons she couldn’t even name— her fingers curled in the neck of his tunic, her nose pressed into the hollow of his throat and her tears wetting his skin. 

“Z-zuko, I—” Just as soon as she started calming, or reaching some semblance of being able to _breathe_ , he was pulling away. _“Zuko?”_

His fingers wrapped around her wrists, pulling his tunic free of her grasp. He stammered about going to the stream, going for a walk, disappearing and leaving her there. 

 _“No, Zu– don’t!”_ Katara was out of his arms, left standing in the dirt as his shape faded in the pale lit night. She watched him vanish, like he did years ago beneath the city of Ba Sing Se, growing steadily smaller until even the inky black of his hair couldn’t be seen. 

“Don’t go,” she whispered to no one, a sob bubbling up and breaking in her throat. Her chest ached. Her body trembled. She wrapped her arms around her stomach like that could somehow make it abate, but another cry had her on her knees beneath the sliver of a waning moon.  _“Please…”_  

* * *

Zuko needed to fall apart alone. Katara went through enough over this. She deserved better than to deal with his heartbreak and crumbling spirit. She warned him. She told him t guard his heart. He dragged her all over the world, and she followed with no complaints. For this? Zuko was ashamed. He just had to get away from this house that was so full of happiness and so lacking of him. Forever.

Zuko stumbled past the trees to the edge of the stream and fell on his knees. He then broke and began to weep like a child. He felt sniveling and pathetic, but his own mother didn’t love him. She left him. Uncle left him. His father left him. Mai left him. His friends left him. Katara was the only person who never left him. He was scared now she might go too.

Zuko felt emotionally destroyed. He longed for his mom for years, literally went to the ends of the earth for her. She didn’t just not want him- she literally never wanted to see him again, not even in this town. He couldn’t know his own sister. Zuko wanted to scream, but instead his shoulders shook and he sobbed.

* * *

She picked herself up from the ground. She’d been picking herself up for years, since she was a child and her father and brother needed her, since she darted from a hut covered in warm, sticky blood. 

Katara’s fingers curled into fists, half-crescent wounds forming on her palms with the force of her nails against her skin. But, she was up. She was on her feet and breathing and deciding where she’d go next. 

_The ocean._

A half-mile walk from where she stood, ten minutes in the dark night— she was on the shores, inhaling salty air and stripping from her clothes and undergarments. She waded in knee-deep, her cheeks hot from her tears. Then, she was waist-deep, and she sighed heavily, goosebumps prickling her bare skin. 

Finally, with the water up to her chest, caressing away the wounds she didn’t want to believe still existed… Katara could breathe. She could find peace. 

The ocean. It was _always_ the ocean. 

She slipped onto her back, the barely-there moon glistening off the lapping waves and her dark skin. Katara closed her eyes, the shape of the celestial being burned into the back of her lids. 

A deep breath, her fingers trailing the top of the salt water… alone,  _abandoned_ … She’d been in this place before, she’d swallowed the pain before. 

She’d be okay.

* * *

Zuko walked back to the home, it felt so warm and loving before, now it felt murky and cold. It was cold tonight for a tropical, Fire Nation village on the seaside. Zuko wanted Katara, but he didn’t want to act so disgraceful. He was eaten with guilt for dragging her here and all over the world. His family had been awful to her, and hers was so kind to him, even when he had been awful to them previously.

Zuko looked around the house, and his heart sunk when he couldn’t find her. Irrational panic clawed inside him. Where did she go? He told her he was going for a walk. She didn’t say she was going. Zuko’s heart began to race. “Kat…” Zuko muttered, feeling the familiar sting of tears.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously before grabbing his bag and taking a deep breath. He walked the path alone, and rain began to fall. He was worried, he hoped at least, she had gotten a hotel.

Something, however, drew him off the path to the sign that lead to the ocean. Katara reminded him of the ocean. He missed her. Zuko walked down the sandy, dark, wet path, the ocean was as murky as he and this whole town felt. Zuko saw the shadow of a figure.

He knew. He just knew.

“Katara!” Zuko choked out, a sob retching from his throat. “Kat!”

* * *

His voice was unmistakable, but Katara would be lying to herself if she said she wanted to respond. Her heart was aching, her sense of security tossed like her slender frame in the waves. 

She stayed still, her eyes closed, her hands flattening on the top of the water, testing the tangible tension of the surface. She was being selfish. She’d called Ursa a bitch, but maybe it was her. 

Katara could push it away, the grief coursing through her veins. 

“I’m here,” she called, standing in the water. It was up to her ribcage, and the skin she exposed pricked in the cool breeze. “I’m _fine.”_

She realized that the lingering rage was the only thing preventing her from shivering. Her fingers trembled with it, with a burning need to bend… or kill something. A sick flash of Yon Rha’s blood spilling out onto the ground appeared in her thoughts, and Katara looked down at the midnight waters, wishing she could pin the man to the earth, again.

“I’m used to being alone. I’m used to being strong,” she whispered, knowing Zuko couldn’t hear her from his place on the shore. Katara blinked away the fresh sting of tears, then started wading towards him, her voice raised, “Are you okay?” 

* * *

The water was like ice. He couldn’t figure out what on earth she was doing in there. But, he knew she found comfort in the water. “Kat,” Zuko spoke, walking towards her with extended arms. He started to run to her, enveloping her in an embrace.

“You’re freezing,” he spoke. “The water was ice cold, love,” Zuko spoke, heating his body to warm her. He sparked a flame in his hand and kept her close. “Are you okay? Im sorry I walked off… I needed to catch my breath alone a moment,” he spoke, unable to answer her question for fear he would shatter.

“Are you all right? I got worried when you weren’t there. God, Kat… I’m sorry. For everything. I’m really sorry.”

* * *

“I’m okay… like I said.” She let him wrap her up, though his body heat was the only thing she found comfort in. There were too many similarities to his disappearance and the many times her father would embrace her, just to turn around and leave again. 

An unwarranted shudder shook her and Katara folded her arms between Zuko’s tunic and her bare skin. The space around them glowed suddenly, and her back warmed at the flame in his hand. 

“I’m sorry…” She wanted to cry into his chest, to let her tumultuous emotions free, but he didn’t need that. “I’m sorry about your mom… about everything. I’m sorry for coming here… leaving you…” 

Katara curled her fingers under her chin, her nose nuzzling his neck for a moment before she stepped away from him. He’d seen her bare at least a dozen times, even with the slip in intimacy during the trip to Hira’a, but she suddenly felt weird, _off._ Her hands stayed up under her chin, her arms covering her chest in a bid for modesty, and she had to fight off the urge to run back into the water. 

Maybe, there, he wouldn’t be able to see right through her.

“I’m sorry, Zuko.” Her voice quieted to keep a sob down. She turned her back to him, and an unsure step led her towards the pile of clothes on the sand. She changed her mind last minute, however. “I just—” 

Her throat was clogging again, her heart thudding with panic that she’d never escape the throes of grief, that she’d hurt him if she let him see it. Her toes hit the water and she waded back out, a forlorn look cast back at him.

“I need space… the water…” she said, “I’m not leaving, okay? I’m here. I’ll be _here.”_  

* * *

 

Everything felt cold and distant. Panic coursed through Zuko’s veins. He didn’t want to lose Katara next and it felt like he was. He wracked his brain for what he did, and he settled on Ursa’s words haunting her mind. She said he was just like Ozai- he had Ozai’s blood. If his own mother said that– then there was truth, wasn’t there? Zuko felt hallow, and alone. Everyone was gone, and Katara wasn’t physically leaving, but he felt like she was in her heart.

He hoped he hadn’t hurt her. He was worried, he always worried. Zuko was cold, and she was out here naked, in freezing water. Zuko was worried about her, but she got something from the water. She had something with the water only waterbenders could understand, and he accepted that.

“I’m going to find an inn in town, love… please don’t be out late,” Zuko asked. “I’ll be outside waiting for you in a while so you know where to go, o-okay?” He asked. “I love you, Katara,” Zuko choked out. “I’m- I’m here… if you need me, for anything. I- I always will be,” he added. “I’m sorry,” he choked out, not sure for what, but he felt immense guilt- maybe for just existing. No one wanted him. He felt like a fool, an unwanted fool who was a travesty to wear his folly crown.


	37. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 3

She swam out as far as she could. Then, on the verge of drowning from exhaustion, Katara rolled to her back, called the sea to her will, and let the current carry her back. She drew the water from her hair, dressed on the shore, trudged back into town with her boots in her hand. 

Zuko was waiting for her outside a quaint bed and breakfast. He looked worn and worried. Katara nearly vomited with guilt. 

He asked her if she was okay. She shook her head, and he nodded— he got it, he understood. _They weren’t okay._

Katara followed him inside and up to their room, where he had tea and a fire and a red robe laid out for her. She stripped from the blue cotton again, but didn’t pick up the new garment. 

She brushed her fingers down Zuko’s spine, as he’d turned away from her to watch the fire. When he gave her his attention, Katara kissed him— hard and _desperate_ , her hands tearing away the maroon tunic and pants he wore.

What followed was rough, almost harsh. Zuko pushed her down on the bed and sank into her without so much as a preemptive touch. And as quick it began, it was over, with his face buried in her neck and neither left feeling any better. 

At least, Katara mused, she knew that the storm plaguing her soul raged in his, too.

She wrapped her arms around him, and her legs, holding him close to her body and willing the walls around her heart to come back down. But they wouldn’t, and his wouldn’t, and the tears that raked down her cheeks were angry now, stinging and hot. 

Katara’s silence broke with a sob. When he looked up, she shook her head, “I- I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. I- I’m— I’m sorry, Zuko.” 

* * *

 

When an hour passed, Zuko sat outside with weary eyes, waiting for her to come home. His heart hurt. He wanted to lock himself in there and cry and never come out. He wanted her to come back so he could stop worrying that something horrible could have happened. He knew full well she could defend herself and she was a waterbender- she could stay safe in the ocean- but he still worried. He always would worry about her. He loved her.

She came back, and relief poured over him for a multitude of reasons. She was safe. She was here. She came back. Zuko’s hands trembled as he stood, but he wore a weary smile, leading her upstairs where he had tried to make things comfortable for her when she came back. She didn’t say anything, and they wound up harshly tangled in between sheets.

Zuko thought it would make him feel better or closer to her, but it only did the opposite. He was broken, felt more distant, more hollow, more disposable. He looked at her when she cried, his face contorted in worry. She choked a sob and spluttered numerous apologies that he didn’t know what they were for. He caressed her face then, wiping away her tears, kissing them off. He hated when she cried. He hated it. Seeing her cry was what knocked his walls down.

Finally, Zuko broke down before her. It was the first time he ever really sobbed in front of her. He had cried, but never like this. He felt shame, and buried his head in her neck, his shoulders shaking. “You– You did nothing. It’s me. I dragged you here. I made you come here for nothing!” He cried. “You told me! You knew! You knew she didn’t love me but I was a fucking moron!” He choked out, his face wet and hot. “I actually was so stupid… I thought she did. Why would I think that? Why haven’t I gotten the memo, Kat? No one wants me,” he cried. “What’s wrong with me, Katara? Spirits, what is wrong with me? Why does everyone leave? Why? What’s wrong with me? Agni, Katara… please– please… please… please don’t leave me. Please,” wept Zuko, clinging to her.

* * *

“I want you,” She said, somehow managing to tumble them both onto their sides. Katara kept a leg thrown over his hip, one hand cradling his face and the other running through his hair soothingly. “ _I_ want you, Zuko. _**I**_ love you.” 

She didn’t know what else to say, or how to calm him, so she simply held him. Every now and again, she’d wipe the tears from his cheek, and use the water to draw patterns down his chest. 

The water would glow with a healing effort, but Katara knew there was nothing she could do.  _Time_ was the only healer, now. 

And she hated that. She hated that she couldn’t do a thing, she couldn’t help him. She wasn’t even sure if _she_ would be enough for him, and then Katara hated herself for even thinking such a thing. 

This wasn’t the time to be selfish or self-serving. He needed calming waters, not a storming sea— Katara pressed her lips to his temple, whispering a hundred different sweet nothings. 

It always came back to the same:  _“I love you. I need you. I want you.”_ She kissed him gently, “Please tell me that’s enough. Tell me that’s what you need.” 

* * *

He felt foolish once more for hiding like she would think any less of him for his pain. As soon as he crumbled, she was there. She was making it feel so much better. It still hurt like a weighing ton of bricks to the head, but she made it so much better. He felt safe again– he had hope again. There was the sense things would be okay again.

He stayed in her arms, clinging to her for dear life in the quiet intimacy by the crackling Fire. “Katara,” he choked out, kissing her, “you are so much more than just enough,” Zuko laughed slightly. “I love you so much,” he stated.

“I just… please… don’t leave. Please don’t leave me,” Zuko begged, his voice cracking again. “You’re my everything, Kat… I can't… I can’t lose you. Please don’t leave me. Tell me you won’t, please.”

* * *

Katara hushed his worries with a soft kiss, and cupped his chin in her fingers as she spoke. “I’m not leaving you. I won’t. Zuko, I- I—”

She shook her head a little, the pillow crinkling against her cheek. It made her nervous, the promise hanging from her lips. He loved her, _yes._ He’d die for her, too… that didn’t mean he felt the same about their future. 

“I want to marry you,” Katara murmured in one breath, braced for his reaction or even a gentle rejection. When she got stunned silence, she pressed on, her heart thundering in her ears. “I- _uh,_ that’s how I feel, Zuko… I- I love you and I want to marry you. _Someday…_ So, I’m not leaving. You don’t have to worry.” 

* * *

Her confession left him stunned. His mouth hung slack-jawed, but quickly diffused into a melted smile of warmth. He laughed in joyful disbelief. He leaned in and kissed her again, smiling against her beautiful lips. “That’s how I felt since we kissed in Ba Sing Se,” Zuko admitted with a blush. “That’s when I knew I wanted you to be my wife,” he confessed, laughing and shyly hiding his face in the crook of her neck. 

“I love you, Kat. I want to marry you too, when it’s time,” he murmured. “I can’t think of a more wonderful wife… I love you so much, you’re my best friend, my most trusted confidante, my greatest partner in everything… you’d be the best fire lady, and the greatest mother,” he murmured, blushing at the daydreams he’d just voiced to her. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, until the day I die, Katara, and no one else,” he murmured, “It’s the one thing I’m sure of,” he told her. 

“You’re the only one I’ve ever believed in.”


	38. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 4

The next morning came quicker than either of them wished. Katara, having been up more than half the night, was grateful that Zuko slept all the way through, warm and curled up with his face in her chest. 

Normally his steady breaths would’ve lulled her to dream, but everything was fitful and nightmarish, stained red with her mother’s blood. 

Katara feigned a smile though, pushing away Ursa’s cruel words to Zuko and her own selfish desires that Kya could be the one they’d found. She dressed in a simple red dress, poured Zuko a cup of ginseng tea, and packed her few things in a Water Tribe satchel. 

“Did you want to leave?” she asked, a pensive glance thrown his way. “We- maybe we could just tour the town? I don’t know…” 

* * *

 

Zuko awoke with his heart still aching. His mother still didn’t want him. She still threw him away. She still thought he was a monster. It made the world seem heavier. Zuko took a deep breath, nodding in gratitude as his girlfriend handed him a cup of tea.

“I need to say goodbye. I have to at least say goodbye to the sister I’m not allowed to know,” Zuko spoke bitterly. There was so much hopeful what could have been. “This town hurts now… I- I don’t want to see it… unless there’s something in here you find interesting… I’m just tired, Katara. I want to send a letter for uncle to come meet us… meet us at home,” Zuko said with a deep breath.

“Home… I don’t know what that is, hardly,” he mused aloud. “My father… he’s there. I’m here… to Mom, there’s no difference,” Zuko muttered, taking a bitter sip of tea.

“I’m sorry, again, love. I’m sorry, truly, I dragged you all over the world for this. I- I don’t regret coming. It puts my heart at so much rest to know my mother is safe and happy. She hadn’t been starving or tortured… she got a better life. That makes me very relieved and happy. I needed to find her. I’m glad I did, despite it all… but I feel like I wasted your time, and I’m sorry, Kat.”

* * *

“Okay, love… _okay.”_ Katara gave him a curt nod, readying the few things they’d pulled out the night before. 

She downed a quick breakfast, plus some of the tea Iroh had sent her off with. Katara couldn’t tell if it was the contraceptive or her nerves making her stomach hurt. They left the room and the innkeeper with a generous tip, then Zuko took her hand in a bid to get moving up the road. 

It was odd, how the path felt different in the morning sun. Katara thought this would Zuko’s most energetic time of day, or at least the most hopeful, but everything was tainted now. 

For him, by the mother who’d cast him aside. For her, by the mother who’d left her behind. 

…Like her dad during wartime. Like Aang, when the fight got too hard. Like her brother did, after he got married and went to Kyoshi. _Like Zuko had last night…_

Katara tried to shake the thought, the memory of being stranded, abandoned in the dark… the feeling of the cold sea. Zuko didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t need to know. He needed her strength.

She held his hand tight the entire walk, offering tight, encouraging smiles when she could. They were both quiet though, until they got to the small farmhouse and Kiyi bounded up. 

“Hi pretty girl,” Katara murmured, stooping to the five year old’s level, “How are you today?” 

* * *

Zuko felt small as he trudged through the thick path to his mother’s home. His heart was so heavy, it felt like he was dragging it along. He held Katara’s hand, hoping to offer her some strength. He knew this was hard for her. He knew it was tied to her mother’s death, and he wanted her to know he was here, and he wasn’t going anywhere- not now, not ever. He too, needed to borrow some of her strength to face the mother who left him- who didn’t want him. 

They reached the house, and Kiyi was playing outside, and Zuko smiled, rustling her hair. Zuko was still so stunned that was his sister. He wished to the Spirits he could get to know her. The girl hugged Katara tight. 

“Are you the fire lady?” asked Kiyi, “You’re the prettiest girl I ever saw,” she spoke, giggling and hiding her crooked, missing-tooth smile behind her hands. Her smile was the spitting image of her brother’s. Kiyi ran over to a patch of wild flowers and struggled to tug them out before running over to give them to Katara. “You can put them in your hair! Mama makes a crown. I don’t know how yet. I wish I could because you’re a queen. I wish I was pretty as you,” she spoke, putting the flowers in Katara’s hair. 

Zuko smiled at the scene, his heart light to watch. “Katara is the prettiest girl I ever saw too,” teased Zuko back, but smiled at the little girl, “I think you’re just as pretty as Katara, Kiyi,” Zuko added, “You’re a princess, you know,” Zuko added and the girl looked at him funny, but it was true. Kiyi was a princess through marriage. Zuko was the fire lord, and she was his blood sister. Zuko pursed his lips through a gentle laugh as Kiyi lunged herself in Katara’s arms. 

It was then Ursa leapt out of the house, fuming. “Get away from her! What was her name? Katrina? G-Get away from Kiyi! Get away! I don’t know what ideas you’re—” she snapped, “Zuko, you’re crazy. Those nobles won’t accept a Water Tribe woman. I hope this is just for fun, Zuko. You’re still my son, and even though I can’t be around you– even though I see him… I still care about you, and they’re going to— don’t marry her, Zuko. She’s exotic, she’s fun, she’s unique, you probably find that attractive at your age, but you cannot marry her. You are the fire lord you need a nice, humble, Fire Nation woman. This brash, loud, just like all her people– they aren’t… she’s not docile like a fire lady should be, a proper wife for you should be! This better just be some fling, Zuko! And, I won’t have her around influencing my Kiyi!”

* * *

“Actually,” Katara straightened up, the pink and red wildflowers clutched in her fist. A dangerous smile danced across her lips as she regarded the Fire Nation woman. “I’ve been told I’m not any fun at all, by _several_ people. Zuko’s one of the few who would disagree… but he gets to sleep with me.” 

Her smile shifted to a smirk, her eyes cold and unreadable, “You’re right though, that I’m exotic and unique— Which, I’m assuming that from your lips, such words mean nothing more than different… _dark-skinned._ ” 

“I told you my name yesterday, my heritage and my titles,” Katara said, staring the woman down with a faux air of calm. 

Inside, she was burning up, coiled like a viper ready to strike. She wanted to… but if she was brash and loud… she’d prove Ursa wrong. Quiet words could be just as damaging, just as deadly. 

“I won’t be repeating myself, but I will be adding to what you already know— I brought the Avatar back to life, _twice_. I battled sexism within my own culture to master my element. I can heal, I can fight, and beneath a full moon, I can stop your heart.” Katara watched Ursa flinch, and she smiled pridefully. “I am the catalyst to your husband’s fall. I am responsible for your daughter’s demise. I am the sole reason your son is alive and well and reigning as Fire Lord.”

Katara knelt again, back to Kiyi’s level. The girl was staring in quiet surprise, her eyes tinted with a modicum of fear. She didn’t know the reasons behind her mother’s comments; she likely didn’t understand the Fire Nation’s poisonous history. 

Katara gave her a soft smile, then rummaged in her bag. She withdrew a comb made of whale-bone. The handle was painted a pale blue, encrusted with roughly hewn sapphires and carved with the spirits, Tui and La. Kiyi’s eyes lit up, going wide. 

“Perhaps you should consider, Ursa, just how _you’re_ influencing your daughter,” Katara offered the comb to Kiyi, then gave the girl a soft peck on her forehead and whispered that she _would_ be the Fire Lady…  _someday._ Katara stood up again,“Will she be strong and brave, like your son’s future wife? Or will she follow in the footsteps of a weak-willed woman, incapable of separating this nation’s sins from her child’s face?” 

* * *

Zuko was stunned momentarily silent by his mother’s awful words. He never remembered her so hateful. Zuko’s heart dashed with hurt before transforming into a livid anger. She could say whatever she wanted about him, but he would not allow Katara to be spoken about that way. But, as soon as he opened his mouth to speak, Katara had risen in her own defense. 

Zuko smiled proudly. Katara always stood her own ground. Zuko walked over, and put his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulders with pride, a cocky smirk on his face. “I am going to marry Katara,” Zuko stated. “It will be the proudest day of my life. I will be the luckiest man alive to be married to Katara. As Katara said better than my words could ever do justice, she’s the most accomplished, talented, compassionate, strong, brave person I know, or anyone who knows her as the pleasure of so,” Zuko stated firmly. 

“When I get married, Kiyi is more than welcome, but you are not, Mom. You’ve broken my heart,” Zuko whispered honestly. “I missed you with everything in me, and longed for you every day you were gone, and you never want to see me again?” Zuko choked out with a bitter laugh.  “I came here to say goodbye. But, if you ever change your mind… if you ever want me in your life– and respect the people in mine… I will be more than happy… I would be so thrilled to have you back. I love you, Mom. That won’t change and I’m so happy you’re happy and safe, and my mind is now at ease… but… like you wanted, I’m going to tell you… I- I’m here to say _goodbye_.”

* * *

His stance and his voice, they were strong, but Katara knew him better than anyone. One glance up and she could make out a tremble in his lips, a flash of hurt in his eyes. 

Ursa didn’t say anything more as Zuko gave his last goodbye. She jutted her chin upwards, a haughty glare thrown his way, then the woman turned and went inside. 

Katara slipped her arm around Zuko’s waist. She wanted to comfort him. She wanted to be sure he wouldn’t leave again— watching Ursa disappear behind the wooden door felt too familiar. She didn’t need to imagine the irreparable damage being done to Zuko’s heart; _she knew._

“Come on,” Katara said, grasping the back of his tunic in her hand. “She’s not worth your time.” 

They trudged back to the ship quietly. When it pulled away from the dock, Zuko shook his head, fighting down a sob. Katara led him to the privacy below decks. Hidden in Zuko’s quarters, Katara did what she knew best. She made a pot of Iroh’s rose tea. She brought Zuko a cream-filled cake with slices of moonpeach.

“Comfort food,” she told him, her eyes wet with tears. “It’s something my mother used to do.” 

* * *

Zuko smiled in somber gratitude at his girlfriend. “Thank you, love,” whispered Zuko, taking a bite of the delectable cake. It was her favorite, and she made the very best. Zuko then tugged Katara over by the waist, pulling her gently into his lap, his arm draped affectionately around her waist.

He pecked her cheek and leaned his head on her shoulder. “Thank you for coming with me, Kat… on this goose chase. It’s the second time I dragged someone I loved on a wild goose chase for no reason,” he spoke, closing his eyes in pain as tears rolled down his unscathed cheek. His mother never even mentioned his scar- what his father did to him. She didn’t even care to ask.

She didn’t care about him at all.

But, Katara did. He would never take that fkr granted. He hoped she knew how much he appreciated each thing she did for him.

“I love you.”

* * *

Katara folded into his lap the moment he tugged her towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her knees digging into the mattress on either side of his hips, and pressed a few kisses across his cheekbones. 

Such a position would normally be intimate for them, filled with laughs and whispers. He should be smiling… or at least wearing a pink blush and no clothing. She should be kissing his lips or his neck, not the tears on his cheeks. 

When her lips reached his ear, Katara sighed quietly, “Zuko, I love you, too.” 

“Don’t forget that, okay?” She pulled back to look at him, and bumped her nose against his. “Of all the people in my life, you’re by far my favorite… and whatever you need, whatever I can do to help you heal— I’m here for you. I love you. _Irrevocably._ ” 

* * *

Zuko placed his hands on her waist, holding her close and reveling in her touch and reassuring kisses. He brushed his nose against hers, and then pecked her lips. “You’re my favorite too– and don’t you forget either,” he murmured, pecking her lips again. “Thank you, Katara,” he spoke, leaning his forehead on her shoulder, and listening to the beat of her heart as his fingers drew shapes on her back.

It was these quiet, intimate moments that got them through the first, harder days. Then, he still ached, but cheered up. The days became filled with more seaside laughter. They were filled with kisses and tangled between sheets, and food and tea, and relaxation. Zuko was excited to go home, to have Katara move on, they could go shopping, she could make the place feel more like home to her, decorate things, and get settled in her new position as Ambassador, and work on social changes here as well, something she spoke on being excited to advocate for as well as directly influence. Zuko was also excited to see his uncle.

He was excited and warm as the ship docked in Caldera, and with Katara at his side and his uncle in the palace, for once, it felt like home.


	39. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 5

They had exactly three weeks alone in the palace— alone being a subjective term. There were no nobles, sages, or council members, not until the next Meeting of the Nations at the end of the summer. Her dad would be coming… _and Aang…_ plus, their relationship, at least their _political_ relationship,would be announced. 

It made her nervous, and the palace made it hard to relax. Even mostly empty, it was busy. _Always so busy._ Katara spent the first few days just growing accustomed to the constant flutter of activity. 

Servants were never out of a quiet call’s reach. They had food, tea, _hell…_ a turn-down service if they wanted it. That had honestly been the strangest part for her; the man or woman who’d come in the evening, offer to undress them and fold down the bedclothes. 

Then, in the mornings, no matter their state of dress or business of the moment, someone always knocked, always offered tea, always ran down Zuko’s list of duties with a raised voice through the door. 

All the help became _‘normal,’_ however, and even more normal was Katara refusing help and getting whatever she wanted herself. Zuko might’ve been used to it, but she wasn’t. She got comfortable in the palace, comfortable in his private quarters, despite the occasional snoopy look, and settled in happily. 

She found the pools in the gardens to be her favorite place, and spent most of the three weeks there, bending or swimming. Some of the pools held bright orange coy, the others, turtleducks. One was crystal clear and she could wade out waist deep. The edges were shrouded by bushes and wildflowers and a weeping willow shaded the whole pond. It was perfect for swimming. 

Katara sat on the shallow edge of the pool that evening, with the water lapping gently at her legs. 

“Everyone arrives tomorrow,” she muttered, addressing the Fire Lord as he floated on his back. “I’m excited to see my dad… it’s the others…” 

She’d tried to get passed the sting of Ursa’s words, and she’d managed to hide it well, but the implication taunted her. 

“Zuko, do you think they’ll like me?” Katara asked. “Your council, I mean… and your people? Do you think they’ll like me, when they know what we are?” 

* * *

 

Zuko saw his girlfriend at the edge of the pool, and smiled. He pulled his boots off, peeled off his socks, and rolled up his pants before sitting beside her at the edge, dipping his feet in, kicking at the cool water. The fire lord put an arm around Katara, rubbing her arm lovingly as he then pecked her cheek. “Who wouldn’t like you?” Zuko spoke. “You want to help build schools and hospitals, and create peace. What’s not to like? Not to mention, your personality. You’re kind, smart, articulate, clever, strong, brave, and you’re gorgeous, that never hurts,” he teased her. “I mean it, though, Kat. They’ll love you, and if they don’t, they’re banished,” he jested.

“ _I_ love you,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her cheek playfully. “If they warmed up to me, they’ll like anyone. I wouldn’t worry too much,” he joked. “Don’t worry, love. Everything will work out great,” he assured her. “Are you… are you happy here, Katara? Please tell me the truth.”

* * *

 

“You can’t fire _or banish_ your entire staff because of me,” Katara warned, sighing despite his playful touches. “That won’t help win my case with them. I have to do it on my own merit.” 

She shrugged despondently, and slipped away from him, sliding out into the water. Lowering up to her neck, Katara swirled her hands under the surface, watching as little eddies and whirlpools danced. 

“I _am_ happy here,” Katara assured him, after a long drawn out silence that couldn’t possibly read as happy. “I’m worried… because of the things your mom said, because of the looks I get from some of the servants… especially when they found out we were sleeping together.” 

She blushed a little, “I- I’m just trying to picture an announcement to the council that’s received well… and I can’t.” Katara looked up, her brows pinched together with concern. “I’m your new ambassador, _and_ I’m your girlfriend. We know I can do my job well, and without it being influenced by my relationship with you… but everyone else? They don’t know me, Zuko.”

“I- I’m worried.”  

* * *

 

Zuko sighed when his attempts failed, but he turned his head and looked at her. “Love, you will convince them on your own merit. You will. If anyone can convince people of things, it’s you. You’ll do far greater justice than I could. You can and will prove yourself. It’s not fair, that these people can’t look past their biases, but you… you’re great enough that even proving them wrong shouldn’t be too much of a challenge. You’re already better than anyone on my council. You’ll put them to shame. You can do this, Katara,” Zuko assured her, kicking the cool water.

“They’re going to trust you. Remember how it took you time to trust me, not only because of mistakes I’d made, but in the catacombs, because I was Fire Nation. But, you got to know me, and you did. You saw past it, and saw the person. That’s what these people need. They need that push- to see. I think you being on this council, and being… with me, is actually a good thing for this country- the world, Kat. The world needs to see that we don’t have to rest each other down or apart. We can live together, in harmony, and love each other… we’re different, but the same. I think that the universe couldn’t have picked a better person… for that role… or to give me the blessing of loving.”

* * *

 

“But your mother… your—” Katara shook her head and looked down, focusing on the water as opposed to the gentle gold watching her. He could see too much, and right now, Katara wasn’t sure she wanted her thoughts to be read. 

“I’m _exotic,”_ she said, her voice hallow and mirroring Ursa’s words. “I’m exotic and brash and… and uncivilized. That’s what they’ll say.” Katara blinked slowly. 

She could see tears forming in the reflection of her eyes that shown up from the water. She didn’t like it. It made her feel weak or undeserving… what kind of Ambassador would be so worried about the thoughts of others? Zuko didn’t ask her to join him in Caldera under the assumption that she’d be weepy before her first day. 

But she wasn’t _just_ an Ambassador. She wasn’t _just_ a political partner. She shared Zuko’s life, his thoughts and joys and hardships, _his bed._

“Even if they look past my nationality, the color of my skin, they won’t see anything other than the girl you sleep with,” Katara muttered, swallowing a lump in her throat. “I- I think we shouldn’t tell them. I don’t want to tell them…Or… not until we know how I’m received as a representative of the South.” 

* * *

 

Zuko sighed, cursing his mother for putting such terrible thoughts into Katara’s head– terrible lies. “My mother was wrong, Kat,” Zuko stated firmly. “She said terrible, horrible lies to you and about you, and it was wrong, and stupid,” Zuko assured. “You’re not exotic, you’re not brash, and you’re definitely not uncivilized. You’re a talented, articulate, poised young woman from the Southern Water Tribe is what you are,” Zuko stated.

He ran his hand over the water, listening to her speak then, and he nodded. “We don’t have to tell them anything until you’re ready,” he whispered. “It’s not even customary to make announcements unless you’re getting engaged anyway,” Zuko explained. “They’re going to love you, Kat– as ambassador, as representative, as the girl I sleep with, as fire lady. They’ll love you,” Zuko promised. “And, Kat… many of the representatives since the beginning of the Fire Nation have been women. There have been just as many fire lords that were women as men… I don’t think… they won’t judge you in that kind of way– it’s not like that here. We have millions and billions of problems, but… it was something I learned while I was banished, that the Fire Nation is one of the only places where women and men are allowed to have the same roles- and it’s… well, expected.”

* * *

 

“I guess I already knew the Fire Nation was more progressive…” Katara muttered, her brows pinching together as she frowned. She felt a little silly for doubting his people so much, especially when she knew from Azula’s talent that girls, especially benders, were free to learn and lauded for their prowess here. 

She nodded to herself, gaining a little confidence with the thought of blue flames. And to think, she’d taken Azula down. “I’ll be fine from the gender standpoint. Even if I’m not, it wouldn’t be the first time I knocked some pompous old man off his pedestal.” 

Katara caught a quiet  _‘Huh?_ ’ from Zuko, and she looked up curiously. 

“Have I never told you?” she asked, a smile dawning on her face. “You know I learned waterbending in the North… from Pakku, right?” 

Zuko nodded slowly, and Katara pressed on, “He wouldn’t teach me at first. He said it was against the Water Tribe’s practices for women to fight. And don’t get me wrong,” she said, rolling her eyes, “the Southern Tribe has a host of issues I could go into, like marrying girls off at fifteen or sixteen, but it’s nothing on the North.” 

“He refused to teach me! He sent me to the healing huts with the little girls. I didn’t want to _heal!”_ Katara growled under her breath, “And when Aang tried to teach me in secret, Pakku said he wouldn’t teach _him_ either! _**The Avatar!**_ Can you imagine?” 

She blinked questioningly, then snorted, “That bastard— he’s lucky Gran-Gran married him, otherwise I might still hold a grudge. I fought him,” Katara said proudly, crossing her ams. “I challenged him in front of the North’s elders and fought him outside the capital building. I held my own, too.” 

* * *

 

Zuko laughed in prideful disbelief at his girlfriend’s story, listening eagerly with an entertained smirk upon his face. “He refused to teach Aang! Because you wanted to fight- and you’re a girl? That’s the only reason?” Zuko asked, shaking his head in disbelief with a smirk, running his hand through his hair.

“You challenged him?” Zuko said, now grinning lopsidedly from ear to ear. “No you didn’t?” Zuko asked rhetorically- he knew, she very much did. He laughed in amusement. “You challenged the master bender? When you were learning? At fourteen?” Zuko spoke with a proud laugh. “I’m not surprised, I’m impressed, but not shocked. That sounds exactly like you, Spirits,” Zuko chuckled warmly. “I wish I was there to see that,” he commented.

“I bet he counts his blessings now. He was lucky enough to teach the best waterbender in the world. Not everyone gets to say they trained one of history’s war heroes.”

* * *

 

“Well,” Katara countered, backtracking a little, “Technically, I told him I’d be outside if he was man enough to fight me. Then, on the steps, he walked by me and told me to go back to the healing huts with the other ladies,” she laughed at the memory.

“I slapped him across the back with a water whip as he walked away… Not very _honorable,_ but that was one of the first fighting forms I learned,” Katara shrugged, then blushed at Zuko’s continued compliments. 

“It would be ladylike for me to be humble right now,” she laughed, when he called her a war hero, “but I’ve never been very good at that. I’m proud of myself. I mastered waterbending in matter of weeks. I learned bloodbending _in a day.”_

Katara stood up in the water and waded back to the edge where he sat. Her fingers trailed up his shins then stopped at his knees, and Katara pushed his legs apart so she could stand between them. 

“I’m something of a prodigy,” she murmured, smiling when he leaned forward for a kiss. Katara wrapped her arms around his neck, on her tiptoes in the pool to stretch up and deepen it. When they broke apart, she smirked playfully, “At least, that’s what I tell Pakku now.”  

* * *

 

Zuko smiled, holding her close as she stood in the water and he sat on the edge. His arms looped around her neck and shoulders, smiling at her with nothing but love in his eyes. He laughed at her comments, and wondered why on earth she told people she wasn’t funny.

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with well placed confidence,” Zuko assured her, rubbing his nose against hers. “I’m glad you whipped him- into shape it sounds like,” joked the Fire lord. “You are the greatest water bender alive- to ever live,” he told her seriously. “You’re nothing less than prodigal,” he bragged. “You’re worried about my title, and dating me, I’m the one here who’s dating the world’s best waterbender. How do I live up to that?” He teased, kissing her again.

“You amaze me, Ambassador. Every day. I wake up every day, and something new about you inspires me every morning.”


	40. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 6

The next morning was an early start, as early as sunrise. Zuko normally didn’t struggle at that hour, but even he grumbled at the invasion of his steward and the long list of preparations to be made before the afternoon’s proceedings began. 

 _Tea selections. Oversight of the last minute gardening. Menu approval. A visit to the palace’s apartments to check that all was in order._  

Zuko snarled fire into the air as he sat up in their bed. 

She laughed a little, “Something keep you up, my love?” 

Katara should’ve apologized for all the activity in the night, but she honestly didn’t feel guilty. The moon was almost full and as his prodigal, waterbending ambassador, she’d _demanded_ hours of romping around between the sheets. 

“I feel great,” she teased, stretching out languidly on the sheets. “Refreshed, ready…” Katara pushed the covers down and slipped off the bed, putting too much of a sway into her naked hips as she walked to the wardrobe.

“What do you think?” She selected a few dresses and turned around with them, offering a view of the garments, but also her bare front. “Red, blue, maybe purple? I have to dress to impress.” 

* * *

 

Zuko grumbled as he tossed and turned in the new light of day that peaked through the curtains. The fire lord sat up begrudgingly, stretching with a sigh. He ached a little, and he knew why, causing him to smirk as he rubbed his eyes. “You feel great, hm?” he teased in his groggy, morning voice. 

Zuko crawled over towards her, feeling teasing until she slipped off the bed, and he slumped down, collapsing on his stomach back on the bed as he grabbed a pillow and put it under his head with a tired groan. “I have no–” a yawn cut him off, “–idea what could have kept me up last night,” Zuko teased, watching her get dressed with an amused smirk plastered on his weary face. 

“They’re all lovely. You’ll look gorgeous in anything,” Zuko complimented, smiling with bright eyes, despite their sleepiness. “Red will please the nobles, blue will show your strength and position as ambassador, and… purple is a good middle ground, neutral to either side… and you look gorgeous in it.”

* * *

 

Katara chose the blue. It made her feel confident and invincible, two things Zuko always complimented her on. Plus, she could show off her position as a Water Tribe woman. 

But, to show respect for the nation she was in, she added some gold embellishments. The dress was sleepless, so she slid gold bangles up around her biceps, and added a gold necklace. Around her waist, Katara tired a red sash that was embroidered with gold thread. 

He said she looked nice, and Katara smiled, excited for the first time in a week. The meeting would be great. Her new position would be everything she dreamed. 

////////////

They had to part ways until lunch. Zuko was pulled into planning meetings, and he needed her to welcome the first few guests. Katara should’ve known that by guests, Zuko meant _be surprised by your dad and Aang showing up before anyone else._

“Dad!” Katara leapt into Hakoda’s arms, squeezing him tight. When he let her go, both of them had watery eyes. “How are you? I’ve missed you so much.” 

“I’m good, sweetheart. I’ve been good.” He rubbed her arms reassuringly, then she pulled Aang into a hug as well, happy to see her best friend. 

“I’m so glad you’re both here. Come on,” she waved them into the palace and out towards the gardens. “Zuko will meet us in a bit. He already has tea and lunch set out.” 

* * *

 

Zuko shuffled from meeting to meeting, trying to arrange everything perfectly for the introduction of the new ambassador. He was to explain to the nobles and the chief of the Water Tribe, Hakoda, the new embassy and its political importance- the pleasure of having Southern Tribe representation in the Fire Nation.

There was food out from both nations in respect to them both, and Zuko had it decorated as such as well, things were going delightfully to plan. Zuko finally saw Katara with Aang and Hakoda and he smiled brightly. Zuko set down his tea, and hustled over.

“Hakoda! Aang!” Exclaimed Zuko, embracing them both. “It’s been so long! How are you, buddy? How are you, Hakoda?” He asked with a wide smile of joy.

“I’m so glad you could make it! Thank you, Kat, for bringing them over. I- I hope this works out. I have good expectations.”

* * *

 

“We’re both doing well,” Aang answered, smiling between the group of four. His gaze landed on Katara last, and she swore his lips pinched before he said, “Your father tells me your the newest Ambassador of the South.” 

She waited a beat, wondering if there was a question involved, maybe one about her duties or her goals, but Katara remembered it was Aang who was addressing her and shook the thought away. He wanted the why, the how— not the reasons she took the position or the things she looked forward to.

“I am…” She said, letting out a pent-up breath. Her eyes flicked to her dad, and his look told her that he’d been quiet about everything else… _so like him_ , to let her be the one to choose what to share. “Zuko offered it to me in the late winter, when he visited the South. There’s a lack of representation for my Tribe… the North has three council seats; Zuko thought it would be prudent to extend another position to my people.”

She glanced in Zuko’s direction, hoping she was covering all the points he wanted out in the open. 

“We’ve been traveling since,” Katara explained, “which is likely why you haven’t received word, but Zuko will be making it official today at the Meeting of the Nations.” 

* * *

 

Zuko wrapped his arm proudly around Katara’s shoulders, “She’s going to make the best ambassador. I know she’s going to make some really great changes to benefit both communities,” Zuko boasted, his hand massaging her shoulder absentmindedly.

“I’m so happy to have you both here. It’s so nice to be with such familiar faces,” Zuko commented honestly with a warm and genuine smile. Zuko was so caught up in Katara’s big day and the warmth of his loved ones that he didn’t even notice Aang’s unshakeable and longing stare at Katara. He wouldn’t even hardly be jealous if he knew. Zuko felt safe with Katara. He trusted her wholly, and despite Aang’s position, he definitely felt like less of a threat than a bunny.


	41. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 7

“I have so many ideas… hospitals, schools, I might even delve into the healing benefits of bloodbending.” Katara was telling Aang and Hakoda, as the small group of four made their way from the gardens to the palace foyer. “Pakku and I have stayed in contact a bit, since I’ve been traveling so much with Zuko and encountering new styles of bending. He thinks I should be transcribing what Hama taught me— for benevolent purposes.” 

Down the hall, she could already hear the clamor of voices, signaling the arrival of delegates from all over the world. 

She pulled away from Aang, smiled gently at her dad, and outpaced them to link her arm around Zuko’s waist. “Just one last kiss,” Katara teased, pecking his cheek. 

Neither of them were really sure about their relationship yet, not in the public eye. Zuko was more willing to announce it than her, and her dad had pressed over tea that it might be better to be open about the courtship, but the men weren’t the ones who’d be vilified. 

The nobles would call her a peasant. Those with daughters in the Fire Lord’s circuit would call her a whore, or worse. The other nations might point the finger at her tribe, but most certainly, they’d accuse her of being a power climber, of trying to secure a higher place in the Fire Nation’s eye.

That talk would die eventually, she knew, but adding to her worries was the jealousy that would surely come. Between the Water Tribes. Among other suitors _. From Aang._

Katara could see it, flashes of it, here and there. His grey eyes would track her around the room, then darken in the moments she focused on Zuko. It wasn’t as prevalent as she thought it would be, though, and that gave her some hope. 

If Aang could be happy for them, after _years_  of pursuing her, the rest of the world could accept them, couldn’t they? 

She clung to that thought and swallowed her fears, rounding the corner into the parlor with her arm still draped through Zuko’s. Dozens of faces turned in their direction— _his_ direction— leaving Katara to back away and force a smile across her features. 

Thankfully, as the crowd converged on the young ruler with hundreds of greetings, Katara caught a familiar shade of green in the flurry. 

“Haru! You’re _here?!”_ She pushed around a few people to embrace her friend. Aang followed her, shaking hands with the earthbender. 

“My father is a getting too old for all the travel,” Haru said, his smile bright. “I was working  _with_ him at the last few summits, but this is my first time going solo. What are you doing here? Did you come with your dad?”

“I… actually arrived a month ago… with Zuko.”  

“Oh!” A surprised look flashed across Haru’s face, a look Katara couldn’t quite place. Then, he shifted to a smirk, glancing in the direction of the Fire Lord. “He finally swept you up, then.” 

She blushed, “I- I guess—  _You knew?”_  

“He talked about you a lot…” Haru laughed, “We both did, actually, during the brief stint at the Western Air Temple. I guess we were both pining a little bit; though, his pining was more along the lines of  _‘She’s going to hate me forever and I deserve it.’_ ”

“Spirits,” Katara cursed, her cheeks burning. “You’re both ridiculous.” She looked over her shoulder, then signaled for Haru to follow. “Come on, I’ll get you an audience with the Drama Lord.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled as Katara hopped over suddenly, giving him a tender kiss on the cheek. He rubbed her side affectionately, and pulled her over in a small embrace. Her act of affection gave him the encouragement he needed to speak in front of this large gathering of a menagerie of representatives from all over the world. Zuko took a deep breath, whispering sweet nothing before going off to mingle with a myriad of international officials. 

He was by far the youngest world leader there by a long shot. Zuko wanted to do his best to sound poised and capable. He didn’t want anyone doubting his ability as Fire Lord or his allegiance to world peace and his nation’s amiable reconciliation. He was taken surprise then when his own girlfriend came dashing over, giggling with a handsome man in tow. His skin was a honeyed tan with bright, green eyes, and a broad smile, and tall, confident stature. Zuko’s chest tightened with envy, and he did his best not to huff as he excused himself to meet Katara and the young man who looked about their age. 

Upon closer inspection, Zuko recognized the man as Haru. He hadn’t seen him since he was a teenager with a mustache in the Air Temple. Haru had ogling eyes at Katara back then, too. Katara’s arm was now linked with his arm, and she looked giddy with delight. Zuko’s face was an unamused pout that he tried to mask with sternness in a tight line, giving a cordial nod. 

“Haru, you look well. It’s a pleasure to see you again,” Zuko spoke, offering his hand. “I see you found the new Water Tribe ambassador very quickly,” Zuko grumbled in slight irritation as the attractive pair stood arm-in-arm. 

“Zuko!” Haru exclaimed, taking Zuko’s hand in between both of his, smiling at him warmly. “Don’t be such a stranger, come here!” Haru said, embracing the fire lord, and Zuko couldn’t help but smile, hugging the old friend back. Great, he was nice and friendly too. This made him more irked, but he couldn’t exactly fault Haru for being better than him on all sides of the aisle. Zuko sighed deeply.

 “I’m glad to have you here, Haru.”

* * *

 

Haru glanced at Katara with wide, green eyes, “The new ambassador, _huh?_ That’s quite an achievement. Congrats, Kat.” 

“Thank you,” she smiled, warmly, and drifted closer to Zuko to link her fingers in his for a brief moment. “I want a purpose here… if this is going to be my home in the future, I want to do some good here. I want a part in the grand scheme of things.” 

“You’ve always been passionate,” Haru said, a knowing grin appearing. He looked from her to Zuko. “You know, she started a prison uprising to break me and the other earthbenders out? She literally faked earthbending to be imprisoned with us and—” 

“He knows,” Katara cut him off, giggling shyly. “He… found my necklace there. It fell off during the fight and Zuko may or may not have used it to track us all down with the help of a monstrous shirshu. He eventually gave it back, after he tied me to a tree in a bid to save me from the pirates.” 

She felt Zuko stiffen, and even Haru looked a little alarmed. His eyes flicked between the couple. Katara blushed, realizing the jokes they had about rope and pirates didn’t exactly translate to others hearing the stories for the first time. 

“It’s- _uh—_ ” Katara stammered, and bit her lip as nervous laughter died in her throat. “That’s all in the past, though, you know… back when Zuko was, well, not _this_ Zuko… It’s all fine now. We can laugh about it.” 

* * *

 

Kat. Kat? He was calling her that now too. Zuko’s features scrunched downward now in unveiled and unashamed jealousy. He sighed in irritation, and averted his gaze. He smiled a little when Katara held his hand, and almost to prove something, he wrapped his arm around her back, his hand resting at her waist, giving her a squeeze.

But, as soon as he did that, Haru began flirting with her, and Zuko’s mouth dropped slightly before he pursed his lips shut, caressing her waist. Passionate? How does Haru know anything about that? Zuko huffed, rolling his eyes, unamused at her teasing.

“I’m the same person. I did it,” Zuko said flatly. “Burned down Kyoshi, chased you around the world, hired an assassin, that was me, yours truly,” Zuko sarcastically grumbled, a sardonic smile on his lips. “Haru, though? He’s always been a good egg. I suppose Katara can testify to this.”

* * *

 

She suddenly had the feeling that Zuko was upset about more than her misguided teasing when he snapped sarcastically. 

“He… he is a great person,” Katara murmured, glancing sideways at her partner. “A great friend and earthbender, too. You’re fantastic, _too,_ Zuko.” 

The air thickened with tension and Haru was grimacing now, clearly feeling awkward. Katara felt pigeonholed herself, because the tone Zuko’s voice was so clearly laced with jealousy, that saying anything more in Haru’s favor would piss him off further. 

“That was _diplomatic,_ ” She grumbled, pulling out of Zuko’s reach to shake Haru’s hand. “Why don’t we catch up later, okay? I’m sure my dad would be happy to see you, as well.” 

Katara bowed her head as the earthbender pecked her knuckles respectfully, then turned on Zuko as soon as Haru walked away. “What is your problem? The two of you were friends in your teens. You’re _still_ friends… and now you’re acting like he’s a threat to you. Am I not allowed to speak to other men without infringing on your _claim?_ ” 

* * *

  

When they walked away, Zuko felt sour about the whole situation. He felt stupid and petty and guilty as soon as they walked away. Zuko groaned with a deep sigh. He was frowning steadily. “That man likes you,” Zuko retorted. “He likes you a lot. Anyone with eyes can see that,” Zuko mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“And, he’s great. He is my friend, so I know that…” mumbled Zuko, looking away in shame as he folded his arms over his chest. He was acting like a child, not the twenty year old head of state. “I’m sorry, Kat,” Zuko spoke, forcing himself to meet her gaze.

“I… I got jealous,” he grumbled, “It was stupid,” he admitted. “I have to go to apologize to Haru,” he stated. “That wasn’t okay. I knew the second I walked away that I was being an idiot. I just– I hadn’t seen him so long, and he just kept looking at you like that, and talking about you two together and I was annoyed… he told me you two kissed,” Zuko spoke. “Was Toph telling the truth? About that secret thing between you guys? I can’t exactly blame the guy for still being attracted to you.”

* * *

 

“Do you _really_ want to know?”

She asked the question, because she wanted to give Zuko the chance to say  _‘no,’_ to let it go and get over it. But, his eyes held a hint of determination, and Katara sighed resignedly. 

“I’m shocked, to this day, that Toph didn’t call me out for being a liar,” Katara mumbled, looking at the floor. “I guess she caught your reaction and held her tongue, but—” 

She shook her head slightly, unsure how much Zuko wanted to know. Katara figured everything would be better than only partial truths, since she’d rather he find out from her than someone else. Especially Toph. She loved the little earthbender, but _Agni,_ the girl had no sense of delicacy. 

“We had a thing… not a serious thing, because I didn’t want a serious thing and Haru respected that, _unlike Aang,_ ” Katara snarked irritably, rolling her eyes and meeting Zuko’s gaze with pink cheeks. “We kissed, _okay?_ We made out and fooled around after everyone fell asleep while we were at the air temple… and I can’t say what it would’ve turned in to, if we hadn’t been separated when Azula rampaged through our camp, but… _Jeez.”_

Katara shrugged, reaching for Zuko’s hand tentatively. “Either way, it ended and you and I got close— things worked out how they were meant to. I love you, and only you. Plus… Haru’s your friend. He wouldn’t do anything to disrespect that, okay? Don’t worry.”  

* * *

 

Zuko pouted, and the dark part of him wondered when while they were at the Air Temple. Was it before or after they had gotten close when they found her mother’s killer? He decided to live wondering on that one because this was ridiculous. He knew it was ridiculous to be jealous of what happened before they were a couple. What sense was that? She likely wanted to bash his brains out then.

Zuko sighed, and smiled, a small smile, but a real one. He went to her end enveloped her in a tender embrace. “I know,” he told her honestly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was being so ridiculous,” he whispered, his hand running circles on her back. “I trust you, Kat, I really, really do,” Zuko genuinely explained, leaning his cheek against hers. “And, I love you, a lot,” he said with a small laugh. “I guess it’s sort of how you were jealous of Mai and I– I really get it now,” he said, pulling back with a small, embarrassed chuckle as he held her hands, giving them a squeeze.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to go find Haru, okay? I love you.”

* * *

 

“Yeah… it’s a bit like how I felt about Mai,” Katara laughed, happy he understood and had relaxed. She pressed up her toes to kiss him, just a surreptitious kiss on the corner of his mouth, then pulled away. “I love you, too… Go talk to him, and I’ll see you in the meeting.” 

Katara watched him go after that, wishing she could sit beside him at the Summit. She had her dad, though, and Katara found Hakoda, following him into the council chambers where everyone was gathering.

“You two are obvious as hell,” he chuckled, once they’d taken their seats. “You can’t stop looking at him and he can’t stop touching you… It’s disgusting,” Hakoda winked playfully. “It reminds me of when I was courting your mom.” 

Katara smiled to herself, blushing too much to meet her father’s eyes. “Do you think she’d be proud? Do you think she’d love him like you do?” 

“Yes. I have no doubt.” 

There was a throaty quality to her dad’s answer, like he was on the verge of crying. She put her hand over his on the table, squeezing his fingers.  

“Thank you, Dad,” she whispered, “for telling me to go after him all those months ago. I’ve never been so happy.” 

* * *

 

Zuko went off to Haru to apologize, and explained the situation. Haru laughed and said he was well aware that it was jealousy, and that he had nothing to worry about, even if he would ever try anything, Haru found it obvious that Katara was no longer interested. The two then laughed, reminisced, and Haru teased him about attending a wedding in the near future.

Eventually, it was time for the meeting to begin. Zuko stood at the head of the table, and took a deep breath. “Welcome, everyone. Thank you all for coming to join me today in Caldera. We are very pleased to have everyone from far and wide, and I hope you enjoy your stay, and I implore you to see what this country has to offer in this post-war era!” Zuko spoke, smiling at them. “Today, we meet to discuss peace, advancement, our next steps, and the Fire Nation’s new global, friendly, allied position with the rest of the world. I am humbled by your presence. Thank you again to all, and I now ask Avatar Aang to take the stage,” Zuko spoke, looking around before sitting nervously before the Northern Chief whispered that he did a great job, and he smiled. The man was old enough to be Zuko’s grandfather.

Zuko couldn’t keep his eyes off of Katara the entire time. He was smiling at her now across the table, wanting to pull her over. Aang was speaking about peace and unity. But, Zuko was distracted and barely heard a thing until Aang nudged him. Zuko blushed, nodding and coughed into his hand.

It was time to introduce Katara.

Zuko stood proudly, and motioned Katara to stand, “At this time, I invite the board and international committee for peace to meet our newest edition, Katara of the Southern Tribe. She has been recently commissioned to serve as the ambassador between her nation and my own. I am humbled to have her on the team. She’s the most qualified candidate we can ask for, her work in service, her heroism in the war, her bending skills, her intelligence, her kindness, bravery, and work ethic, as well as her position as chieftain’s daughter, all make her the best for the role. I am excited to have her on our team.”

* * *

 

“… and I am madly in love with her and want to marry her next week…” Hakoda singsonged under his breath, nudging Katara in the ribs. She hissed through her nose, though a smile played at her lips and she shook her head at her father.

“Thank you, Lord Zuko,” Katara said, standing and bowing gracefully in his direction. “It will be an honor to work with you and I will make it my mission to better the lives of the world’s people. _Thank you.”_

She plopped back into her seat, a little breathless, but no less thrilled. The representatives gathered around the table seemed to take it well. They were nodding and smiling, and light applause rippled around the ranks of Earth Kingdom delegates. 

Katara caught Haru’s gaze and he winked, the sour mood from earlier gone from his face. It sent a jolt right through her, a jolt of excitement, until her dad cleared his throat, “If you’ll pardon my intrusion, Fire Lord Zuko—”

She looked at the chieftain, than at Zuko, her features contorting into worry when the latter nodded. _What was going on? Was this planned?_ She watched in horror as everyone turned their attention to Hakoda. 

“I am most pleased by my daughter’s newfound position here in the Fire Nation. She has always been a determined, impassioned young woman. More so, in keeping with the Water Tribe’s tradition of old, I am honored to announce the Fire Lord’s courtship of my daughter… and, I offer my blessing to you both.” 

* * *

 

Zuko was nonplussed at Hakoda’s intercession, but welcomed it with a warm smile. That was until Hakoda began speaking. Zuko’s face went red, and he looked to Katara apologetically. He was proud to tout her off to the world. She, however, didn’t want this yet. Besides, in the Fire Nation, no one cared for your announcements much unless you were engaged.

Zuko heard hushed whispers, but then met with hesitant applause, and Zuko flashed them a cheeky smile. The attention made him blush, but he spoke, “Y-Yes… I-I am too with Ambassador Katara,” he spoke, coughing into his hand nervously. “I am an exceedingly lucky man.”


	42. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 8

When the meeting concluded, Katara stole away from the crowd as quickly as she could. It had been brutal, sitting in there and feeling the eyes that kept looking her way. 

She knew what they were thinking, what they would be saying now that she was gone. _Exotic slut. Power hungry whore. Peasant. Barbarian. Uncivilized, inferior, naive girl._ Katara swallowed bile that rose in her throat, darting through the halls she’d long since memorized to Zuko’s old room. 

It had hardly changed from the last time she was here, healing him, except for new bedclothes and a fine layer of dust on everything. The bed dominated the center of the space and a weapons display stood shrouded in the shadows. A blue spirit mask hung on the wall, above the hooks that used to hold his swords. 

Katara walked to the mask and traced a finger down the wooden nose. For a moment, she thought about how easy things would be if they were someone different. He could go by Lee like he used to and she could give herself some Earth Kingdom name. They could live on a farm and have half a dozen kids and just be together, _be happy._

Sighing, Katara turned her back on the mask and the daydream. She settled forlornly on the edge of the bed, then slumped backwards with her arms spread out above her head as she stared at the ceiling. She was being a petulant little child and she knew it, but Katara couldn’t make herself care.

* * *

 

Zuko sighed as soon as the meeting ending. They all stared at Katara, waiting for her to speak, but she never said a word. Then, when it ended, she darted off. He knew precisely where she went. Zuko excused himself from the social obligations of mingling and just told the servants to bring out more alcohol- that ought to distract them in the meantime.

Zuko raced off after his girlfriend into his old room. “Katara,” Zuko whispered, creeping open the door. He came up behind her, and sat on the bed, stroking her hair on the bed. “Love, shhh,” he murmured. “Nothing happened. They love you, okay? Don’t listen to my mother. They’re only surprised. Mixed relationships aren’t common. They’ve never ever happened in royalty before. They’re surprised, it doesn’t mean they’re upset,” he explained.

“Kat, do you want to talk to me? Or do you want me to just stay with you? Can I get you some water? Tea? Wine, maybe?” He said with a small laugh. “Kat, you’re going to do great. Please believe me.”

* * *

“Just stay,” she whispered, her eyes closing with a soft sigh. Having his fingers in her hair was soothing, and having his weight dipping the bed behind her helped Katara’s heart slow down. 

But nothing could catch her racing thoughts, nothing could make them stop. She heard Ursa’s sneers in her ears like they were fresh, and her stomach twisted with every one. 

“They don’t love me. They don’t _know_ me,” Katara said, folding her hands to hide how her fingers trembled. “I just have a lot to prove, I guess. I have show them that I’m more than… I don’t know… some warm body in your bed.” 

* * *

“You can do it,” Zuko promised, pulling her towards him so her head was lying on his chest. “If anyone can do it, it’s _you_. Just be yourself, trust me, that will be more than enough to wow them,” Zuko promised, kissing her forehead. “They might not love you, or know you, but I do, and I promise you they will respect you. Not because of me, but because of yourself,” Zuko stated. “It just might take some getting used to,” he assured her. 

But, guilt still coursed through him. Katara wouldn’t have this strife if she wasn’t with him. Was he worth all this? Zuko sighed, telling himself she made this choice. He stroked her hair affectionately. “Hmmm, if anything, _I’m_ the warm body in _your_ bed– you’re the one, Kat. You’re the one they’re going to put in the history books. You’re the one who found the Avatar, trained with him, took down Princess Azula, it was you. I’m just a fire lord in the line of a thousand. Remember that.”

* * *

“I swear, if that’s all the more you think of yourself…” Katara lifted her head from his chest, giving him a disapproving look. “You’re wonderful, Zuko. You’re wonderful and kind and intelligent…”

She trailed off, biting her lip in the silence as her eyes burned with gratitude and happiness. She didn’t deserve him. She didn’t deserve _this–_ \- the Fire Lord leaving a gathering he’d hosted just to calm her and console her. The Fire Lord, decked out in his finest robes, laying in his childhood bedroom and stroking her back while she threw a pity party over hypotheticals. 

Katara sat up, forcing away the tightness in her throat. “The people love _you…_ not as much as I do, mind…” she smirked, laughing quietly, “but they love you, because you’re more than a capable leader. You’re honorable and pure and- and I’m not sure I’ve known any better man.” 

“Well, besides Sokka,” she teased, taking his hands in her own and pulling him from the bed. “He’ll get all grumpy if he hears that I think you’re better, even if by a small margin, and you’ll be in here petting his hair,  _too.”_  

* * *

Zuko blushed at her compliments, cupping her cheek as she sat up, smiling at her as he stroked her cheek, his thumb gliding over her lips. His eyes never left hers, soft and full of affection. His mind wandered off with how lucky he was. He spent years wandering around, alone, feeling worthless and lost, trying to follow his father’s path. The irony in it was that the minute he left that wicked path, he found everything he actually wanted. He found all the love in the world, and was able to help people, and reclaimed his throne. He was fucking _happy_. 

Zuko smiled, and she started going on about him again, causing him to shyly and humbly chuckle, pecking her lips as she pulled him up. “Besides Sokka, huh? I guess I have to agree there,” Zuko stated. “Petting Sokka’s hair while he cries in a room? I can’t say that would be the first time,” teased Zuko, embracing her. 

Zuko wrapped his arm snugly around her waist, pecking her cheek, “What do you say we go show those uppity idiots that you’re the best legislature they’ll ever have the privilege of working beside?”

* * *

“What? You—” Katara looked up at him curiously, stopping halfway between the bed and the door. “You pet my brother’s hair while he cried in your room? What the…?” 

She couldn’t decide if she should be laughing or mildly worried. “Why have I never heard this story? When did this happen?” Half a smile formed on her lips, though her overriding feeling was potential mischief.

Katara pulled from his grasp in the room, and shook her head as he suggested they go back to the party. “I’m not going anywhere with you, Fire Lord, not until you spill the beans on my sobbing brother. I need the dirt.” 

* * *

Zuko laughed, a smirk on his face. “Not my room, a guest room,” Zuko clarified. “Suki and Sokka came to visit for a week on their way to the Earth Kingdom,” he explained. “Sokka got drunk, and he thought he saw Suki go off with another guy, but it wasn’t even Suki. Suki didn’t even go out with him,” Zuko said with a laugh. 

“He was sobbing his eyes out, and I didn’t know what was going on. I walked by in the hall and heard crying,” he spoke, “I wasn’t just going to leave him like that,” explained Zuko. “Then I was downstairs and Suki was looking for Sokka, in her pajamas, saying he went out and never came back,” Zuko spoke, laughing. 

“But, _don’t_ tell Sokka I told you! He barely even remembers this. Suki told him about it,” Zuko urged. 

* * *

“Oh- _Oh my god,”_ Katara tried to a stifle a laugh behind her hand, but the image in her head— Zuko in nothing but his sleep pants with his hair all a mess and Sokka, red-eyed, blubbering drunkenly while clinging to Zuko’s chest— she couldn’t stop herself. A giggle bubbled up and before she knew it, Katara had both hands braced on the door, holding herself up through a fit of hysterics. 

“I can’t. I- I cannot believe—” she shook her head, trying her damnest to pull it together. In the corner of her eye, Zuko looked mortified. Mortified and _amused,_ like he feared the repercussions if she told her brother she knew, but also more than intrigued by the prospect of torturing him. 

Katara jabbed him in the shoulder suddenly, much like Toph did when she visited. “How dare you?!” she fussed, swatting him again. “You _kept_ this from me? Your girlfriend? Your one true love?! You had this dirt on my brother and you never thought I’d _need_ this information?! Do you have any idea the shit he has put me through in my eighteen years?” 

She hissed through her nose, pretending that she was horribly put out, and opened the door to the hall. 

“I’m not going to forget this, Zuko,” Katara called over her shoulder, smirking. “My boyfriend, ruler of the Fire Nation, great diplomat, partner of the Southern Tribe, kept  _vital_ information from his ambassador and girlfriend. There _will_ be reparations tonight… and I  _will_ require more than stroking my hair to make up for this.”

* * *

Zuko couldn’t help but be full of laughter. A smile cracked over his face, and he hid it behind his hand, swatting at her playfully. “No! Kat, come on!” Zuko begged behind a smile that hid behind his hand. “I promised Sokka I wouldn’t tell anyone, come on,” Zuko pleaded, huffing, but it was hard to pretend he was actually mad. 

“This was classified information, Kat. I was sworn to secrecy by the Chief’s son, I couldn’t break that bond, you know?” he refuted, his hands up in delicate surrender. Her talks of punishment had him laughing along, a beguiling smirk on his face. 

“I accept my fate. I am fully responsible, whatever _consequences_ you see fit, my lady,” Zuko rebuked playfully, bowing to her in jesting relinquishment. 


	43. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 9

“Zuko? Can… can we talk?” Katara broke a long silence and pushed her dinner away. A servant collected it rather quickly, and when Zuko looked up, the woman disappeared into the kitchens. 

Katara’s eyes followed the servant from the dining room, then flicked back to his curious gold. Curious, or _worried?_ It was no secret that the last six months had been difficult— not between them, but the Northern Water Tribe and the Earth Kingdom had demanded specific agreements and treaties be drawn up to ensure the South had no favor in the Fire Lord’s eyes. 

They’d both been traveling, back and forth, between the ice and the desert and this humid land Katara now considered home. _That_ seemed to be the problem though, which she finally forced out after an extended pause filled with Zuko staring across the table. 

“I think I should move out…” Katara looked down, fidgeting. “Not just out of your bedroom. I- I need to move out of the palace. I need my own place, Zuko, somewhere in the city and a good walk from your bed.” Her nostrils flared for a moment, her thought clouding with their last trip to deal with Chief Arnook. “I need people to _stop talking_ about me.” 

“You’re oblivious. You don’t _mean_ to be, but you are.” she said. “It’s just the way the world works that you don’t have to pay attention, that you could fuck a different girl every night and _they’d_ be the ones labeled a whore.” 

Katara swallowing violently, despite none of this being his fault. She’d just held on to it for too long, keeping quiet for _his_ happiness, but every meeting, every time she opened her mouth and Zuko so much as agreed, the talk got worse. Some people went so far as to imply that her work in the bedroom was the only reason her work outside the bedroom ever had Zuko’s support.

“I was surprised and grateful, by how easily your people have accepted me. The council here listens to my ideas, they respect me and take my opinions into consideration like I actually hold value… the rest of the world hasn’t been like that.” She prompted, her voice getting hoarse with the threat of angry tears. On top of the stinging insults, Katara felt _stupid_ for ever thinking the Fire nation would be the problem, for ever assuming the other nations would be okay with her intermingled relationship and political position. “I need somewhere else to stay. I need something else to do besides trying to go between nations that hate me for sleeping with you.  _Please.”_  

* * *

 

‘Can we talk?’

Nothing good ever came from those words. Anxiety filled Zuko’s stomach to his chest, but he smiled tightly, and nodded at her, inviting her in. A thousand worries ran through his head then, watching her as she sat there in silence. He waited seemingly patiently, but inside he was a wreck. Her words all but corroborated his fears.

She wanted to move out- away from him. 

What did that mean? Was she leaving? Was this it? Was she breaking up with him? Zuko’s eyes widened, and his heart raced. He had to look away as his gaze flickered, trying to not jump to conclusion or act pathetic. 

As she went on, it became more strange. She just wanted away from him? Why? What had he done wrong? Zuko pursed his lips until she said she needed them to stop talking. It was people– the hoi polloi. They’d done this. Zuko sighed deeply, still hurt, but it was now apparent that Katara was very hurt as well. 

Zuko bit his lip, nodding as she went on, leaning into his hand, taking a deep breath. “I— I mean…” he stammered, taken off guard by her request. He knew the politics had been rocky, but their relationship had been great. It didn’t seem fair it had to suffer due to others’ ignorance. Maybe he wasn’t worth this to her. If he was a humble farmer, which he sometimes longed for, then she wouldn’t have any of this strife. He was giving her stress, and he wondered if the tradeoff made sense to her. Did the end justify these means?

Zuko’s hands tensed, and he was too scared, and felt too selfish to broach the topic of what exactly this all meant. Was she going to dump him? Zuko didn’t have the heart nor guts to ask, and she was right. There were real problems that needing addressing.

Zuko steadied himself, and looked up. “They’re idiots,” Zuko told her. “You’re doing an excellent job as ambassador. I’ve been told so on my travels, they’ve complimented your eloquence, and my selection for ambassador,” Zuko spoke. “I wish they didn’t have to be so nearsighted about this. Why are they acting like…” Zuko trailed off in irritation. He pinched his eyes. 

“If you want to go somewhere else, Kat… of course I won’t stop you,” he murmured. “You can have any place you’d like, any vacant place in the city, just tell me, I’ll have it done,” he assured her, sighing with an obvious sadness he tried to hide. He’d miss her like hell, even if she was only blocks away. He’d miss waking up beside her, eating breakfast with her, talking over their morning cups of tea, going to bed next to her, holding her at night, peeking his head into her office with a surprise batch of cookies, smirking at her in the hall in between meetings. It sounded childish, but he would miss it. It was the worst of all because neither of them, or he hoped and thought she didn’t, really wanted this. It was forced from the fickle minds of these judgmental people. 

“There… there are a lot of internal problems,” Zuko spoke again, when she asked for new work. “If you’re serious about wanting a new role,” he told her, knowing she wanted to help. He didn’t know how he’d find a replacement even close to Katara– unless Sokka wanted the job, but even then, Katara’s work was unprecedented. “A lot of towns in the Fire Nation are in ruin from the war. They need new hospitals, new schools… we need to write new textbooks, they need aid, they need help… I have written out legislature, but… I haven’t found the right person to deploy… I know you’d be the right person, but you should be the only one to decide if this is the right job– for you, because the job is already right for you, but it’s you- you have to choose if that job is right… for you, Katara,” Zuko said quietly, still somber, still so angry at the world for treating her so unfairly. 

“I’m sorry, Katara,” Zuko spoke after a beat. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry they’re being so unfair and treating you like this. It’s not right. I- I wish I could do something… you… you’re doing excellent work. You’re efficient and brilliant and … it’s… it’s because of me that they say anything at all. I’m a roadblock, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry it’s my doing, and I’m sorry it happened at all… because regardless, it– it shouldn’t… you– you’re doing amazing things. These trivial things shouldn’t matter… I- I mean… I don’t know _what_ they think about us being together, but… I _love_ you. I don’t know why it’s such a crime. No one is used to that, I guess, either… fire lords get their spouses from nobility. It’s like an audition then arrangement, traditionally,” Zuko muttered. “This is different… I guess,” he supposed aloud. 

“I’m so sorry that you’re the one being hurt by this, Katara… by… by _us_.”

* * *

 

“You don’t know what they think?” Katara questioned him, repeating what he’d said. It was likely just in passing, he didn’t mean to imply that he wasn’t listening _at all_ , but she couldn’t deny a twinge of irritation. 

“They think you’re using me, or that I’m using you,” she said, her fists clenching in her lap. “Outside of my family, and the few scattered friends I have— Haru, Toph, Aang, and Suki— they all say you’re using me. That I got this position so you could keep the Water Tribes in your pocket or just so you could have somewhere to stick your dick without too much effort. They say I’m _easy_ , which is stupid, considering you’re the first person I’ve _ever_ slept with. _”_

Katara rolled her eyes, a harsh gesture that probably hurt him, but her heart was thudding out of her chest with fury. _Did the rumors just not reach him? Did the gossipers only whisper slanderous comments in_ her _ear?_ It sunk in that half the talk was likely jealousy, and she’d just given in like a weakling. 

Still, as she shoved out of her seat to leave the dining room, Katara knew she wasn’t capable of taking any more. As strong as she was, she could only listen to so much slander from her own tribesmen before she gave in to the gnawing self-depreciation. And until Zuko married her, she wouldn’t be back, wouldn’t be living in this palace where the walls echoed the hissed words from all over the world. 

“Your mother was only wrong in that she thought the Fire Nation would hate me,” Katara said, halfway out of the room. “At least, if it was your people, I could prove myself by taking on a new position and new projects that helped them. I can’t do anything though, besides try to uphold whatever values they expect of me until we’re married—  _if_ we’re married.” 

She shook her head, throwing a comment over her shoulder as she left, “I already signed a lease in some of the apartments that overlook the harbor. It’s funny, isn’t it? Your ex-girlfriend, the one who rampaged around with Azula for the better half of a year, yet the one the world would prefer over me, lives right across the street. But _me?_ The girl you want and love…” Katara sighed, “I’ll take the new position. Thank you, Lord Zuko.” 

* * *

 

He hadn’t meant that the way it came out. He knew exactly what they thought. They thought he was using her, or that she was using him. They thought it was all a political uproar. She snapped them, explaining what he already knew. Zuko’s heart felt like it was breaking, even though all she’d said was that she was moving to a new home. It seemed like an end though, and it scared him. She seemed harsh now, and he pursed his lips.

It was her next words that broke him in half. The stupid, simple “if”. She’d corrected herself to an if. He shouldn’t be surprised, she probably was miserable and hated it here now. He couldn’t ever expect her to sentence herself to a life of misery over him. He wouldn’t let her, he didn’t want her miserable on account of him. He wanted Katara to be happy above all else. Zuko felt terrible. He wanted to scream and rage until they all left Katara alone, but he couldn’t. That wouldn’t even work. It wasn’t even his people. The ringing of the promise in Hira'a echoed his ears, but Zuko mentally scoffed, reminding himself that talk was cheap, and circumstances changed. He wouldn’t let her succumb to a life of misery over him. she wouldn’t do that to herself. She was too strong. That was what he loved about her.

Lord Zuko.

Zuko inwardly flinched at the official address. She hadn’t called him that in ages, only playfully. Zuko leaned his head into his hands, unsure of what else to say. His heart clenched, and he cursed his anxious self for the doubt.

“I’m sorry, Katara,” he whispered, tracing a hole in the desk, his other hand hiding and holding his face.

“I wish I could do something… I want you to be happy,” muttered Zuko.

He was going to ask her when he’d see her again, but by the time he opened his mouth, the door clicked behind him.

Zuko swallowed thickly, and wiped the tear that escaped his eye, pushing it away with his palm stubbornly. He was too mad to admit to even himself this was eating at him. He was frustrated and angry at the world for hurting the girl he loved and treating her so terrible. He wanted to do something, but he couldn’t.

Everything was just infuriating and Zuko had nothing else to do but bury himself in work.


	44. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 10

She knew she’d see him _less._ They wouldn’t have the little looks in the hall anymore, or the stolen time in the morning for breakfast, the disappearances in the afternoon for tea. Katara hadn’t thought she’d go two weeks without seeing him _at all._

He was busy every time she stopped by the palace, too busy for a quarter hour break even. A servant would offer her a cup of tea or some pastries, she’d be handed another assignment at another school or hospital, and she’d be ushered out. 

This morning, when she got orders to visit the river village of Jang Hui and see how the citizens were doing since she’d wrecked the metal factory there, Katara realized Zuko was avoiding her. 

 _Hell,_ he was sending her away, for… She glanced at the agenda again, now that she was back in her apartment.   _A month._ She was supposed to train the village healer in herbal remedies and help establish an elementary school. 

And she’d be gone a month. 

 _Was this his way of dumping her? Slowly pushing her further and further from his life? Or was he angry with her for leaving the palace?_ Katara’s stomach churned with nerves, to the point that she was ready to march back to the palace and demand an answer from him. 

But she felt frozen, despite the sun shining through her open windows. She didn’t want to be clingy, to be that needy girlfriend who couldn’t handle a bit of space. This didn’t have to mean something had changed. This didn’t have to be a breakup. He still loved her. 

 _Right?_ Katara snorted under her breath. Funny how much easier that was to believe when he said it to her face.

She at least knew that she still loved him, and she wanted him to have some sort of reassurance. Before she left for her assignment the next morning, Katara stopped by the front gates. She didn’t go in, but she slipped a note to one the friendlier guards, asking him to pass it along when he could. 

“Oh, and… and tell him I’ll miss him.” 

* * *

Zuko felt sick with worry. The last he spoke to her, she called him “Fire Lord” and said “if” they got married- meaning “if they had a future together”. He didn’t expect to be ghosted so soon. He kept wondering what he did wrong. Why did she hate him now? Zuko could hardly sleep at night worrying about it.

He sent letter after letter, asking her to call. He would go over and she wouldn’t be there. She never came here. Zuko was hurt. He was more than hurt, it was turning into heartbreak. He didn’t know what he did and why Katara didn’t want him anymore. She wouldn’t even come to his office when he gave her assignments. She wouldn’t even see him on a business level. He missed her like hell.

She mustn’t have missed him at all. She wanted to go, after all. Maybe it was more about needing space from him- to figure out their relationship. Zuko was stuck on what she’d said only a few months ago- she wanted to marry him. What happened to that? Was it the environment? Did she not love him anymore? Zuko grew lonely with each passing day, not from her lack of physical presence so much as the emotional. She would go home for months before, but this loneliness didn’t kill him then. This did. Because it didn’t feel like she was here. It didn’t feel like She was here in his heart with him.

What Zuko didn’t know was that a group of women in the palace were working to sabotage things. They wouldn’t mail out the letters. They passed fake messages along that Zuko was constantly too busy. They would burn the letters Katara sent. They would shoo her at the gates. They would tell Zuko that she didn’t want to come in. They didn’t want the Fire lord to marry a Water Tribe woman. They didn’t want their heir of mixed descent.

Zuko looked at one of the noblewomen, frowning, “She’s going away for a month and she doesn’t even want to say goodbye?” Zuko whispered, his heart sinking. “She… she promised…” he uttered, gripping the feather pen, a hurt anger flashing over him. “I need to talk to her. This is– I need to speak to her!”

* * *

“She’s already gone, your Highness. She left this morning, just before sunrise, and yes…” Lei said, bowing so he wouldn’t see the glint in her eye, “without so much as a goodbye.”

Before Zuko and Lei could get in another word edgewise, a guard stepped out from the shadows, “In her defense, my Lord, it’s quite a long journey to Jang Hui. Lady Katara wished to get a head start, but she was glad to go on your majesty’s orders.” 

“And, if I may,” the older man approached the young ruler, holding out the letter Katara had given him that morning. “She asked me to give you this, and tell you,” the guard blushed slightly, “she misses you and she loves you.”

////////////

Far removed, beneath the fading sun of the evening, Katara’s carriage arrived on the edge of the river, where a small sailboat waited to take her across the water to the quiet village. 

“Hi Doc,” she said, plastering a smile to her face. “It’s nice to see you again.” 

* * *

Zuko blushed as he took the letter, but it made him genuinely smile with deep warmth. He laughed happily, blushing and touched as his fingers affectionately traced the parchment with her telltale handwriting. He frowned then though, it dawning on him as to why on earth she wouldn’t come in. Why wouldn’t she answer him? Why wouldn’t she come?

Zuko furrowed his brow, protectively folding the piece of paper and putting it in his pocket. He didn’t catch the glares of the other noblewomen in there in vexation at the guard who’d passed along her message. Zuko determinedly brushed his fire lord attire, and looked towards the guard. “Thank you,” he spoke. “I’m going to Jang Hui,” he stated firmly.

“I want to leave in an hour’s time,” he stated. They looked baffled, but rushed to work immediately. Zuko took a light bag, and two guards. He sailed up the coast to arrive quicker than by carriage alone. In two days’ time, Zuko was there at the impoverished and polluted village.

It wouldn’t be difficult to find her there. A Water Tribe woman in Jang Hui- she would stick out like a red stain on a white shirt. The Fire Lord asked around, and eventually, he was directed to her– she was with the children. Zuko smiled fondly, but he was still confused, and needed answers. He was hurt.

She was handing out fish to the children, garbed in a red dress and brown sandals. Zuko came up behind her, coughing into his hand, unable to hide a smirk as he surprised her.

“Ambassador Katara, if I may humbly request a moment of your time,” teased Zuko, his arms warily extended for her.

* * *

In any other situation, she would’ve had a dagger to the throat of a man who dared press so close to her. But, she felt him before she heard him, and the heat pouring off his skin alone was enough to tell Katara exactly who stood behind her, exactly who touched her shoulder and coaxed her around, exactly who asked for a moment of her precious time when _he_ was the one who’d sent her here in the first place. 

Katara scoffed, half-heartedly, because she was thrilled to see him and her eyes were burning with angry, relieved tears. But, she scoffed all the same, and crossed her arms in a defensive maneuver to fight the urge for his touch.

“A _moment?_ ” she questioned, pretending she had to mull it over, when rage was clawing up her throat and demanding a violent answer. “You want a moment…”

Her eyes flicked to the river. She could throw him off the dock before he could blink, but all his subjects were watching, along with his guard, and Katara thought better of it.  

She simply shook her head, which was much less satisfying until she saw irritation flash across his face. _Perfect_. A fight would feel good. Even if all she could do was shout, because the guards would likely pin her down if she flat out attacked their Fire Lord— Or, they’d at least _try._  

“Absolutely not. I don't want to spend a second with you,” Katara snapped, her voice flat. “If you can’t make time for me because of all your _duties_ , I cannot make time for you because of mine. I’m not a plaything.”

* * *

Zuko furrowed his brows in irritation now. She had the nerve to look at him like that when he came all this way to see her. She had been ignoring him. She had all but exiled him from her life. She had moved away. She had sewn doubts in his mind as the last words she spoke before ghosting him. Zuko was angry- he was angry because he was deeply hurt.

“You’re not a plaything?” Zuko echoed in anger, “I’m not a plaything! You ignored every invitation I gave you to come see me! You ignored every note! You didn’t reply to one letter! You never came inside when I sent for you! You were always out when I said I would be by! I came here to see you because you told that guard you missed me, but you wouldn’t come by!” Zuko cried.

“I made an entire voyage to come here and see you! Don’t tell me I can’t make time! You can’t! You didn’t even explain anything! You won’t talk to me! Are you unhappy here? Did I do something wrong? Did I… I don’t know! Why did you cut me off like that? Are you… are you done?” Zuko choked out, his voice quieting.

“What did I do?”

* * *

“I- I’m—” Katara choked on her words, staring at him in shocked disbelief. He was lying to her? He had the audacity to lie to her? To act like he’d been reaching out to her and visiting her apartment? She shook her head slightly, cringing when he yelled, and stepped away. “ _Yeah._ Yeah, I’m done.” 

The words were bitter on her tongue, and as quiet as her sigh, but she felt like her heart had been crushed by a hammer on an anvil. She fought for a deep breath, fought to meet his eyes, and failed at both. 

“I came by everyday,” she said, staring at the dock. “Unbidden and unwanted, I _still_ came by. I asked for you, but instead I got some noblewoman thrusting files in my hands and sending me off for the day, saying she’d let you know I was there.” 

Katara pursed her lips, glancing off to the side where the blue water glittered beneath the sun. “She said you were too busy, that my frequent visits were only a stressor for you, that you’d send for me if you wanted to see me… and then I got orders to come _here._ For _a month._ ”

“So… I don’t what else to be… besides done,” she said. “I’m done.” 

* * *

He felt like his breath had been ripped from his lungs. He felt like Azula had shot him with lightning again on the night of the Comet. Zuko’s mouth hung open in distress, but he couldn’t speak. His heart was broken in one, foul swoop. Again, he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough for his father, his mother, his uncle, Mai, and now, Katara. He was never enough for anyone to stick around.

Tears clouded his eyes, and he struggled to form words though his head screamed to speak. “You never came by…” Zuko whispered, shaking his head as his unfocused gaze blurred over with Unshed tears, looking off at the bay. “I waited every day for you…” Zuko spoke, his throat bobbing. “I asked my servants every damn day if they heard from you. Every day… the same… nothing.”

Zuko felt like he was only rambling to himself. “No one ever said… I never sent papers…” he spoke, his face curled in pain and confusion. Zuko liked the top row of his teeth, trying to hold in the shock. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.

Zuko scoffed out a laugh, “I’m a fucking idiot is all I am.”

* * *

“Well… I can’t say I disagree,” Katara growled, ripping her satchel open and digging through it. She found what she wanted, and slapped him in the chest with the paperwork that brought her here. “Only an idiot would deny orders written in his _own_ hand!”

Crossing her arms, Katara glared at him, praying Zuko wouldn’t see how close she was to shattering. “I don’t know what game you’re playing by lying to me. Are you mad that I moved out? Because that was for our benefit— _my_ benefit. Or do you not care what’s best for me anymore?” 

Katara snorted, “ _Huh…_ maybe it _is_  best that we’re done… if you’re going to be the type of person who will lie to my face, when any of the guards at your gates could tell you I stop by everyday. I’m turned away by Lei… _everyday_.” 

She fell quiet, and regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. But the denial was still plastered across his face, mixed with confusion, would made her angrier and _hotter._ Her skin burned up and her face was aflame. How could she have been so stupid? 

“Go back to the palace and the pretty noblewomen, Zuko.” Katara turned on her heel. “I’ll be by in a month to gather my things.” 

* * *

 

Zuko swallowed thickly, looking at the papers. “I did send you here, Kat… they needed your help, but I never give time limits,” Zuko spoke, confused. “I just– I always say stay as long as you feel you need,” he murmured, wiping his eyes again quickly. The paper was his, an official document, his signature, but it wasn’t his where it said one month. That wasn’t his writing. The ink wasn’t even his.

“I didn’t write that. I didn’t write the month part,” Zuko said firmly. “I am no liar,” Zuko affirmed. “I called on you every day. No one ever mentioned you were by,” Zuko turned around, glaring at the guards. He didn’t know who he should distrust- Katara or the guards. It hurt him deeply that he even had such a conflict. “Lei- Lei told me you were busy everyday." 

Tears escaped from his eye, and he wiped them on his sleeve. His heart was broken. “I don’t know what I did. I’ve been wracking my head for weeks. You’re caught up on this nonsense… saying I lied… I never lied to you… ever. You have. You just did. But, like I said, it’s really me who’s the fucking idiot.”

“And, I fucking love you.”


	45. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 11

Katara laughed darkly, “And I don’t?” She whirled around, facing him again, her eyes cold and a sharp smirk twisting her lips. “I _don’t_ love you? Is that what you’re implying? You’ve been lying to me, or— at least, letting people play games with our relationship.”

“And look at you now!” Katara gestured flippantly, as he looked between her and the guards, a distrusting look on his face. “You can’t even decide if you believe me. _Me!_ The supposed love of your life. You can’t decide if you believe _me!”_  

The water on either side of the dock rippled as her voice faded, and when she curled her hands into fists, the water iced over. It drew the eyes of his guards, who raised their arms liked they’d attack if she so much as moved. Katara couldn’t believe it, but then again, she couldn’t believe _him._

She sucked in a low breath, trying to calm down despite her glowering stare. “I have never lied to you. I have never been dishonest with you _._ Even as enemies, Zuko, I never said anything that wasn’t completely true. Not _once.”_

* * *

 “I’m not lying,” spat Zuko firmly. “You think I would lie to you. You don’t believe me! Why do I get held to different standards?” Zuko shouted. “Am I– or was I– was I not the love of your life? Why don’t you believe me?” Zuko cried.

Zuko’s hands shook, and he bit his lip. “I called on you every fucking day,” Zuko stated. “Why don’t you believe that? Do you know me? Does it sound like me? To just… drop you? Is that something I would do? Come on, Kat.”

* * *

 

Katara grimaced, but her hands unfurled and she sighed, “Great. Now, I’m a bitch for ever implying that I got nothing but silence on your end. You called me everyday and I just ignored you. I’m a liar. I never went to the palace and I never ever wanted to see you. _Happy now?_ ” 

“I don’t need this fucking gaslighting, Zuko. Don’t accuse me of not loving you, and don’t make me feel guilty for being hurt.” She jabbed a finger at him, then spun around, exasperated and fighting tears. “Just _leave._ Maybe the space will do us some good.” 

 

* * *

“What?” Zuko echoed, shaking his head. “I’m hurt! You refuse to even acknowledge that I’m hurt!” He yelled, shaking his head. “What about me? All I got was silence too!” He shouted, “That doesn’t even matter!” He cried, “you’re telling me I never asked you over, and I didn’t come to your place! Why do you get to do that!?” Zuko shouted, his heart shattering.

Zuko was angry. He was angry she was acting like he was a liar who had no right to be in pain. He didn’t even know what he did or why she was so angry aside from whoever added that timespan on her location.

Zuko felt like his lungs were caving in. “You promised,” Zuko spat behind his shoulder, his voice choking. “You promised me,” he whispered, his fingers pressed to his aching eyes. He then walked to the guards, trying to hold everything in when all he wanted was to break.

“It’s time to go back to Caldera. This apparently was a waste of time.”

* * *

 

She never thought she’d cry over him. Not because she didn’t care, but because she didn’t think he’d ever break her heart. Her pillow was soaked, though, cold and damp beneath her cheek as she tried to fall asleep that night. 

And he was _gone,_ probably for good. 

Katara buried herself in the assignment at Jang Hui. The healers kept her busy, and when she was finished helping them, she took on the school, and teaching the children how to read. She probably could’ve trained others. This didn’t need to be her job, it wasn’t in the orders Zuko had written. But, going back to Caldera didn’t seem like an option. 

She stayed the full month. Then, two months. Then,  _three_. What would’ve been one year together, she spent alone, tired and melancholy, it a bar that Doc ran with his _brother,_ Shu.

“It should be illegal,” an elderly voice said, coming up behind her, “for someone as kind as you to look so sad.” 

Katara shifted around, meeting soft grey eyes in the bar’s din. “Hi, Nika.” 

That was all she said, as the older woman took up a seat beside her. There wasn’t a hell of a lot more to say beyond that. Three months in the river town and she hadn’t so much as received a hawk from the palace. 

And not for her lack of trying… Katara lamented to Nika with a sigh, “I’ve written him. He came all this way to shout at me about ignoring him, or how he wasn’t ignoring me, and it’s back to the same thing.” She shrugged, and tossed back the rest of her drink. “Maybe we _are_ broken up. So much for true love.” 

“Or…” Nika waved down Doc for another round, something fruity that she knew Katara would like. “Maybe he’s not getting your letters.” 

“Why wouldn’t he be getting them?” 

Nika smiled knowingly. “He’s the Fire Lord, dear. Anything sent to him goes through a number of hands before it reaches his… your letters could be put on the bottom of a pile… or someone could be keeping them from him. You should try writing to someone you _trust.”_

 _“Xi…”_ Katara hissed, thinking of the white-haired guard she spoke to on her last day. “He was always nice to me.” 

“Send _him_ the letter. Ask him to pass it along.” 

* * *

 

He believed her. Zuko believed her when she promised she’d never leave him. She swore it. She said she wanted to marry him. In the end, she threw him away. She threw him out like everyone else. Zuko was ashamed, and closed the window between the carriage, and he sobbed the whole way home. He cried until he ran dry. 

He really, really trusted her. He would have trusted her with anything- any secret politically. He would have let her in to any chamber of his heart. He would have died for her without hesitation. He was fooled. He thought she loved him the same way, but she didn’t even want to try again. She dumped him, right there on that smelly, old dock in front of the little town. 

Zuko’s heart was shattered. His ability to trust was forever ruptured, and he didn’t think he’d ever believe anyone would stay again. He felt foolish for falling for it with Katara. His parents thought he was worthless, his sister thought he was worthless, Mai thought he was worthless, his uncle left him here alone, and Katara just joined the list. Zuko blamed himself. When it’s that many people, the problem cannot be with all of them. The problem had to be him. 

In the past three months, Zuko had written her countless letters, asking to talk. He wanted to talk it out, maybe it was just a nasty fight. But, his fears were vindicated. She didn’t care. She was done. The three months passed, and it didn’t get easier. The way Katara ended things made it harder. There was nothing amicable about it. He didn’t know how he could have prevented this. And, he was worried she lied too because still, the letters all went unanswered. 

Zuko’s heart was broken, and he was withering with loneliness. He missed Katara. The palace was now full of her. She’d added touches everywhere. There was Water Tribe all over, and Katara’s own personal style, and memories were laden in every room. It was unbearable. The whole palace was unbearable he too wanted to move out. 

Zuko busied himself with his work because he had nothing else to do. There was no one. He must’ve chased them all away. Zuko sighed as Xi came in on a bright morning, but Zuko still felt lifeless. How many more people would he give himself to, to be thrown away? 

But, it was a letter– Katara’s handwriting. Zuko’s heart stopped. She finally answered his letters. He had sent dozens of them, and he was scared to open it until he convinced himself that she couldn’t break his heart any worse than it was now. 

His fingers traced his name on the exterior letter. Her handwriting still felt like her. The letter almost smelled like her, and tears stained the parchment as his index finger ran over the ink. Zuko swallowed thickly, and unsealed the paper. 

* * *

 

_Zuko,_

_Let me preface by saying I love you, that I never stopped. It’s been three months since I’ve seen you; three and a half since I’ve seen you happy. I never thought we’d end up here, separated and…_ angry.

_I won’t deny that’s how I feel. The silence, or whatever has kept my letters from reaching your eyes— it feels like betrayal. I’m cut off from you, left in the dark and wondering. I haven’t a clue what you’re doing, what you’re thinking…_

_If you still think about_ me _, that is._

_I won’t accuse you of ignoring my letters, not again. Whether you are or aren’t, it doesn't change the face that I’ve written you. I have eyewitnesses of that, here in Jang Hui._

_If you haven’t received them, there’s something more concerning at stake than our relationship. If you have, and you’re simply disinterested in continuing anything with me… well, I suppose nothing’s changed._

_I hope you’re well. I do, even when we’re at odds. And, if you find it in you to respond, send it through Xi. He’s someone I trust._

_Love,  
Katara_

* * *

 

Zuko looked at the paper, reading it over and over and over. He was trying to get the words to sink in, and tears were staining the cherished parchment. He was scared to smudge the ink so he picked it up, laughing. She answered him. But, she didn’t. She didn’t get any of his letters. She still thought he was ignoring her. 

What she wrote stuck in his mind. Something big must be happening then, if his letters were being intercepted. Who would intercept love letters? They were love letters. There was not a political thing in them. Zuko couldn’t understand why, but the culprit had plenty of political reasoning. 

Zuko swallowed thickly, licking his lips. He was nervous now, about what was going on, and his heart still ached. She still left him. Regardless of the reason, they got into a fight, and she left. She gave up, and sent him away. She still left him, instead of talking. She left. He couldn’t forget that. He wouldn’t let himself be a fool any longer. He thought to himself that he sounded like Azula, but life had taught him that there was no such thing as a purely good or evil person. “Trust is for fools”, Azula would say. The next part, “fear is the only reliable way” he didn’t buy into as much, but “trust is for fools” was an anthem that had started to repeat in his head. It was a warning to himself, a warning he hardly heeded as he picked up his own paper and pen.

> _Dear Katara,_
> 
> _I love you. I love you so much. Not a day has passed where I don’t think of you. Hardly a minute passes where I don’t. I have missed you more than I can express on a piece of parchment. I have told you these things countless times in my letters to you over the past three months, but I fear you haven’t seen one of them._
> 
> _This is the first of your letters I have received this entire time. My heart was broken. I’m no longer angry, Katara. I’m hurt. I’m deeply saddened by what has happened. You have completely broken my heart, Katara. You leaving has hurt me, again, beyond meager words with ink could convey._
> 
> _But, I would like to apologize. I’m sure I hurt you too. That is the last of my intentions, always. All I want is for you to be happy. I was sad when you moved out, but I wanted you to go to be happy. I never ignored you during that time. I wanted to see you every day. I missed you. You gave up, Kat. You kicked me out. You left. I could never leave over a fight. I could never leave. I promised. And, more than that, I don’t want to. I’m sorry._
> 
> _I feel this has come out of something troubling and confusing that neither of us knew of. I feel someone has done this, created tension, on purpose. When I found out, there will be dire consequences for those involved. I will not tolerate betrayal in my palace. I hope my letter reaches you. I will be heading to Jang Hui the day I have written this._
> 
> _I love you always,_
> 
> _Zuko_

Zuko wrote her name, and pressed that perfume she’d left, the one she loved, to the envelope, and gave it a kiss before carefully delivering it to Xi. He begged the man to have it delivered as securely and quickly as possible, and with that, Zuko rounded up his most trusted two guards and departed back to Jang Hui.


	46. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 12

Her heart dropped into her stomach with the sighting of a small sailboat carrying Zuko from the shore to the wooden docks. 

She thought, if they were _okay_ , she’d be happy to see him. She’d get to show him what she’d been working on, all the developments and improvements. She could walk him through the healing huts and show him the school; the students could read to him. 

But, they weren’t okay. Nothing was okay. 

All Katara had was the one letter, which surmised to tell her he still loved her but that he resented her, _essentially_ , for leaving him. Her hands had balled into fists when she read it— as if _she_ wasn’t heartbroken, as if _she_ was meant to take anything and everything he dished out, without so much as standing up for herself. 

In a dozen ways, it reminded her of Aang, of how he felt so entitled to her _best_ moods, her _best_ behavior, despite what he said or did or wanted. Or Pakku, even, who thought she’d just sit down and shut up and do what was expected… until she smacked him across the back with a water whip. 

And if he felt abandoned, so did she. He was the one, after not seeing her for two weeks despite his efforts, he was the one who drew up orders that sent her a good three days from him. It hardly mattered that _he_ wasn’t the one to set the time limit. He was _still_ the one who ordered her from his city. 

Katara tried to swallow the bitter taste that left, as she made her way to the docks to greet him. Her mind was swimming though, drowning in a hundred doubts. She forced them away, forced up walls to hide the worries. 

Zuko’s boat bobbed closer, and a man jumped from it to tether it to the dock. He stepped from it, as soon as the boat was steady.

She forced herself to breathe.  _“Hi…_ Zuko.”

* * *

Zuko was nervous to see her. He was excited, but nervous as well. He’d gotten his hopes up during the three day trip. That felt naive now. She could easily dismiss him, and say she was still done. But, Katara had always given him hope. He still held onto that hope. He still wanted to mend things. He wanted to let her understand. He wanted to figure out what was going on that someone dared to intercept their letters and messages to one another. He wanted to know who and why someone would send Katara away at the gate when he specifically told everyone that she had all access clearance to any room at any time. That was well known among the palace. Katara, Iroh, Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Suki have full access to the palace at all times, no questions asked. Why would they ever dare to defy his orders and send her away?

Zuko was afraid to find out. He was afraid to find out what she had to say, too. His heart was aching and racing. Why couldn’t they have just fought this out? They would have found this conclusion had they. This would have saved so much pain for both of them. She had to be hurting too, right? 

He hated his doubts for leading him down these roads, but the way she so easily surrendered was reminiscent of Mai. She threw him away the minute things got hard. She left him when so easily it could have been fought out, after promising to never go. She dismissed his word and feelings on what was going on, and told him she was done. Zuko tried to swallow his doubts as they approached the shore. They could talk. They could fix this. Right?

Zuko stepped off the boat and took a deep breath. A real smile took over his face, and already, tears clouded his eyes. 

“ _Katara_.”

* * *

 _“You’re here,”_ she said quietly, then huffed with embarrassment and crossed her arms, “but I guess you said you were coming.” 

Katara swallowed, unable to pull more than half a smile to her lips. The air felt heavy now that was here, and she hadn't a clue what to say, what to do. The guards staring over his shoulders didn’t help matters. He still didn’t trust her, did he? 

She shook her head, then turned around. “Come on. I’ll show you where I’m staying.” 

Katara led Zuko and the two soldiers to the opposite side of the floating village. Crystal blue waters shown around them, and reflected the high noon sunlight into her small hut at the end of a lonely walkway. 

It was hardly big enough for two people, much less the three full grown men piling in behind her. Katara pursed her lips when a guard plopped down at her table. Everything set too formal now, like he was here on official state business, rather than out of love or… just some desire to reconcile. 

How were they even supposed to talk with two firebenders breathing down their necks? She sighed, but pulled out a chair for Zuko and the other man, doing her best to look calm and pulled together. 

“I’ll… make you all some tea,” she said, busying her trembling hands with the kettle and sparks rocks when everyone was seated. “Is ginseng okay? Or would you prefer orange clove?”

* * *

Zuko followed her along the pathway, which conjured up bad memories of their conclusive fight three months ago. Zuko sighed, wondering if it hurt her to look upon that pier too. She lead him to the hut, and was surprised when she ushered the guards in. Zuko felt awkward with them listening in on what he expected to be such an intimate conversation. 

“I- I actually have an inn rented out for you two, Juan Lin and Miko,” Zuko spoke, nodding to them as they bowed and exited the hut, Zuko felt bad for basically kicking them out, however, and called to them, “Any food or anything, tell them it’s on the fire lord!” 

Zuko then turned to Katara as the air grew stiff again, and he dipped the tea bag in the water, watching it steep anxiously. He didn’t even know where to begin. Maybe he could begin with an apology. That would be good, right? He owed her that. 

“I’m so happy to see you again, Kat,” Zuko spoke, but his eyes stayed on the bag, “I missed you like hell,” he admitted with a tender laugh. “How… how have you been?” he asked, looking up at her, her eyes looked bright, but tired, and it made his chest ache. “I’m sorry, Katara. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry.”

* * *

Katara sat across from him, almost wary in her movements. It helped that the guards were gone, but she still feared letting him see too much, letting him know just how intensely she ached for him. 

Her gaze was trained on the table. “I’ve- uh— well, the school and healing huts are up and running,” she said finally, looking up. “The staff I’ve found are amazing. They could be on their own, honestly.” Katara flashed a tight smile. 

“As for me…” She fingered her teacup gingerly, her grin fading to a flat stare. She wondered briefly if her heart would _stop_ with the relentless hammering in her chest, but even at her internal scolding, the pace kept on.

She wanted to fall into him, wrap her arms around him, and just be _happy,_ but her lungs throbbed as every look from him sucked the air from them. 

Pressing her lips together, Katara sighed quietly. “I’ve been alright. Not great, but alright. I’m lonely here, sometimes. That’s just a part of the job, I guess.” 

She couldn’t quite bring herself to say that she missed him. She spent so much of her days caring for others, that self-care lacked— and vulnerability seemed to fall into that spectrum. It was selfish of her, wasn’t it? To drag him into her wallowing? Still, a part of her hoped he could read her, like he used to, even as she changed the subject. 

“Nothing I send seems to be getting out, or maybe everyone just sees fit to ignore me, even my dad,” Katara muttered. “Have you… did anything come up at the palace?” 

* * *

Zuko smiled at her, nodding, “I knew you’d do great here,” he replied. “They wrote to me, begging for help… I knew no one would care like you would. No one else can touch people like you,” Zuko murmured. “I knew I’d miss you terribly… but I thought the help would be fulfilling, and we’d been further apart when you went home… I didn’t think all… this would happen, the interception of letters, the craziness,” Zuko admitted. “I’m sorry, Katara. I’m sorry if you thought I was trying to get rid of you or something. I would never want that,” he told her, his finger tracing the rim of his cup. 

“I’m lonely too,” he spoke, and he could see how lonely she was. She was downplaying it. She was giving and giving and giving here and there wasn’t a soul to give to her.  She always worked like that- until she dropped with giving love. He sighed deeply. All he wanted was to beg, do anything so she’d take him back. That would be pathetic, and even his apologies went ignored with not even forgiveness in response, let alone a returned apology. He didn’t want to act so groveling. 

“I haven’t gotten a thing until Xi delivered it,” Zuko replied. “I take it you didn’t get _one_ of my letters until now, either,” said Zuko, scoffing in disbelief at the lengths his own people would go to. “I imagine that’s what happened all along. That’s probably why we both were so livid with each other- because someone did this on purpose. They told you lies, that I didn’t want to let you in, I was too busy, even though you, Uncle, and our friends have complete clearance to the palace on my direct order– no questions asked. They lied. They went deliberately against my explicit orders. I’ve been betrayed… They lied to you, and me. I take it every time I came to your housing, the noblewomen at the desk lied to me when they said you were out,” he rambled in irritation. “I take it that I’m fucked, and something pretty awful is going on,” Zuko said with sarcastic delight and a sardonic smirk. 

The fire lord took a sip of his tea, trying to withhold his emotions. What happened at the palace? Did she really want to know? Should he worry her with it? Should he tell her there was an assassination attempt? He wasn’t sure. Maybe he would when they made up– if they made up, as she would say. If they got married. If she forgave him. If she kept promises. Zuko swallowed the bitter lump in his throat. 

“We have a problem, Kat.”

* * *

Her cup froze halfway between her lips and the table, and Katara glanced at him curiously. “What… what’s happening?” she asked, her breath coming in tight pants. “Besides the obviously intercepted mail, what’s going on?” 

She watched him swallow, and Katara immediately set her cup down, threading her fingers through her hair with a sick wave of fear. 

She blamed herself. She should’ve been there; if she were half the person everyone thought she was, she would’ve just put up with her shattered heart and wounded pride and stayed by him. That was the Fire Lady’s duty anyway, to stand beside her husband and support him, _protect_ him. 

“I’m sorry,” Katara hissed, her voice quiet with horror. “I- whatever happened while I was gone, I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” 

* * *

Zuko shook his head, “it’s not your fault,” he replied, “Not at all,” he assured her. “It would have happened regardless,” he spoke, unless the letters were connected. Maybe they wanted her gone because they perceived her as a threat. Maybe they knew they couldn’t take him out with Katara around, she was too powerful, but with him alone, they stood a chance.

Zuko was quiet while he connected the dots. He swallowed thickly, his nails scratching against the beat up wooden table anxiously. “It seems so silly now… nothing really happened. We were set up,” he mused aloud. “I feel silly, anyway. I’m embarrassed… that I fell for it, that I didn’t realize, that I was so angry with you…” he spoke. “And, I’m sorry,” he added. “That was the longest three months of my life. I mean… not that I…” he trailed off, blushing. He was acting rather presumptuous. Like what? She was taking him back? That was never even implied.

Sadness struck him again and he felt the tears build. He was a naive child, to be clinging to a throwaway promise of consolation and romantic soothing nothings amidst a tragedy. Zuko swallowed the lump in his throat, taking another sip of tea. “I don’t know what comes next.”

* * *

“What do you mean?” Katara asked, her inflection rising too quickly. The way he trailed off, the way he wouldn’t look at her, it sat oddly with her, left a funny taste in her mouth. And coupled with his phrasing — _‘fell for it;’ ‘I was so angry with you’_ —- Did he cheat on her? 

That made her pinch her lips together, because they’d broken up, so it wasn’t cheating, now was it? If he slept with someone else, or fell for some trap that resulted in him sleeping with someone else, she couldn’t blame him. He had every right. 

“Nevermind.” Katara drug her hands out of her hair and recollected her teacup, aiming for cool composure when she took a sip. She barely tasted it. “If you did something or— it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to talk about this.Any of it. Let’s just… move on. We can start over.” 

Katara swallowed tightly, then smiled at him. “If you need help back in Caldera, I’m always willing. I’d be happy to go back with you.”  

* * *

Zuko leaned his face into his hands. “Kat,” he spoke behind his hands. What did she think he did? He groaned. He hated playing this game. He just wanted things to go back to normal. “Can we stop acting like we’re strangers? Please? I can’t stand this walking on eggshells,” he stated with a deep sigh, moving his hands from his face. “What’s the point?”

“I’m sorry,” he stated again. Guilt always overtook him. That was a flaw of his. He always shouldered blame, usually the brunt of it. “They tricked us. I don’t know who, but they wanted us to fight, to split, and it worked,” he spoke. “I don’t want it to work anymore,” he told her, swallowing thickly.

“I miss you, and I love you, and I still want my future with you,” he told her, blushing. He didn’t know what pushed him out on this brace whom aside from a stubborn need to rebuke the sons of bitches who tried to sabotage them- who tried to take from him the best thing that ever happened. He didn’t want them to win. He wanted Katara.

“I still want to marry you someday. I am crazy about you. I’m madly in love with you… I always will be. That’s the truth. I don’t know what’s changed, but… I still feel the same about you. I felt the same about you every day we were apart. I don’t know what you were going to say I did… but… I can guess. And, I’ll just say now that there hasn’t been anyone else. I don’t think there could ever be anyone else,” he spoke. “If you didn’t want me anymore, well… they’d force me off with some woman for the sake of an heir, but I would never love her because I’ll always be in love with you. You can’t fall in love with someone else when you’re already preoccupied,” Zuko said with a scoff, a smirk upon him.

“I’m hurt, Katara. I’m not going to lie. You deserve the truth… but, I don't… I don’t care. I miss you. I really, really don’t want to lose you,” he voice cracked, squeezing the teacup. “I can’t. I don’t know what these people want, ruining our letters, keeping us apart, but I don’t want them to win, and I want you. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please give me another chance.”

* * *

“I will,” Katara said, almost protesting with how her voice leaked irritation. “I already said… _Yes,_ Zuko, I’m coming back with you. I’m just—” She snorted under her breath, blinking away sharp tears that stung in the corners of her vision. 

“My pride is wounded,” she explained, “because you’re here being soft and perfect and way too forgiving and I’m still the bitch who broke your heart. I’m still wrong for being upset, for putting my foot down on what I could take from you.” 

Despite her efforts, the tears that burned spilled over, streaking down her face in searing hot lines. She hated that she cried when she was angry. Raging mad and passionate, and her reaction always made her seem weak. 

Katara swiped at her cheeks violently, and her fingers curled in her skirt when she gave up, looking down. “This just isn’t fair. None of it’s fair. I never wanted to leave the palace, but I did it for my own sanity… and now all of this is my fault. I’m sorry.” 

* * *

Zuko shook his head, reaching for her hand hesitantly. He swallowed thickly, his features scrunched in pain, his Amber eyes glossed over with palpable tears. “No, Kat,” Zuko rejected. “I mean it. I’m not just apologizing so you’ll come back. I’m actually sorry,” he assured her. He licked his lips, not knowing what to say anymore. She was still mad at him. He didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t think you’re wrong…” he muttered, “I never said… and I don’t think…” he trailed off, shaking his head, then wiping away his tears that fell out of the only eye still capable. “You’re definitely not a bitch. You’re here donating your time to build up an impoverished village,” Zuko laughed, wiping tears still. “I think you’re the kindest person I know.”

“I understand why you left the palace, Katara. It made me sad, but not with you. I was just sad because I didn’t want you gone. I thought we’d be fine… and, truthfully, I think we would have been. If whoever is doing this, didn’t do it. If they let you in like they were supposed to… if they didn’t tell me you weren’t home,” Zuko said bitterly, angered at the betrayal.

“It’s not… it’s not all your fault. I was being hurtful. People were also out for us, for whatever reason, maybe they wanted to separate us so–…” he trailed off, shaking his head, “I don’t know. But… I agree, it’s not fair.”

“There’s nothing I hate more than seeing you hurt. I hate it, and I hate knowing I had a lot to do with it, and I’m truly so very fucking sorry, Kat.”

* * *

“You don’t need to be sorry,” she said, shaking her head in disagreement. “You only need to take me back. We can go home and… maybe I can finally show you my apartment.” 

Katara sat back then, staring off thoughtfully. “Unless they’ve given it away… if that’s so, you’ll have to help me find a new one, which can be an adventure of sorts, depending on how you like to get your thrills.” 

She laughed a little, thankful that it distracted from her watery lashes, but afraid it didn’t quite meet her eyes. Too much of her was still guarded, not so much because of him, but due to the pain others could inflict, if they simply wished it.

And, Katara would never tell him, but the way he looked between her and his guards, when she told him there was no communication from him— she’d never forget it. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t bury it, ignore it. 

 _Someday_ he’d trust her, over anyone else in the palace. 

“In any case,” Katara muttered with a self-depreciating sigh, breaking an extended silence. “I’m not even half the person people think I am. Let’s be honest, I’m here because you drew up orders that sent me, and I stayed longer than I needed… mostly out of spite. I tend to be a little vengeful when I’m hurt by someone I love.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled, wiping the last line of tears that stained his cheek. He nodded, laughing slightly in relief. “I was so scared I lost you,” he admitted in a breathy whisper betwixt a chuckle. He pursed his lips, another apology escaping his lips despite himself. He didn’t know how to not apologize when there was guilt. The guilt wouldn’t settle. The shaking Anxiety wouldn’t go.

“I made the call because I only trusted you to go,” Zuko stated honestly. “You’re triple the person you think you are,” Zuko stated, locking eyes with her, but they lowered in shame when she mentioned hurting her. He knew she was teasing that time, but he couldn’t erase the sting- that guilt, and he stood.

“Do you need some time? I’ll wait here with you, if you need a few days or a week to pack and say goodbye. It’s up to you, Kat.”


	47. These Hearts We Deceive, Part 13

Katara took the week that Zuko offered, and in-between the introductions she made around the village, Katara readied the nurses and teachers for her departure. Finally, at sunrise on her last day, Katara hugged her two closest friends, Nika and Doc, goodbye on the river’s bank then climbed into the carriage that stood waiting. 

She sat down on the bench across from Zuko, who gave her a soft smile, and signaled the driver to move. With the sudden lurch, Katara sat back, fingering the velvet seat. 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been around such luxury. I imagine I look like an out of place mess” she teased, patting down her flowing skirt. “If we do have someone trying to split us up, and I’ll bet it’s those women lurking around the palace, I’ll need to look my best when I make a reappearance. And, I’ll need to find some excuse as to why I was gone for so long.“

Katara took a deep breath then, having had the week with him to readjust, to calm down and heal the stab wounds that injured her pride. 

“I _am_ sorry… that I sent you away last time. I’m sorry I let them win,” she said, smiling slightly. Even if things weren’t quite normal between them, she felt better. “I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you, okay?” 

* * *

Zuko smiled at her as the carriage began its bumpy ride. Zuko gripped the handle, and looked out the window. He was going to miss this town. The people were kinder here. They were more generous, they seemed to love harder. Maybe without so much opulence and money as a distraction it was easier to focus on what actually mattered in life. He remembered coming to the same conclusion during his exile. The less people had, the more love they had. Zuko sighed deeply, not in sadness this time, just exhaustion. 

“Well, no matter how you do yourself up, you’ll be better than anyone else in the entire city,” Zuko spoke with a smirk. He reached out to her when she replied, and he gave her knee a squeeze, his eyes meeting hers with a tender sadness, but sheer determination. “They didn’t win. We won’t let them ever win,” Zuko stated adamantly, a quiet fear pounding at his chest that he tried to cover up himself with perseverance. If he masked his doubts for himself, he hoped it transferred over. “Me too,” he added, his thumb stroking over her knee, “I’m going to make it up to you too.”

Zuko sighed, leaning back then, watching the hills roll by, the trickle of the river. He licked the front of his teeth, more worries cascading over him. “I’m worried, though,” he admitted then quietly. “It wasn’t quiet while you were away,” he stated, his eyes fixed on the herd of sheep fenced in as they passed a farm. Zuko glanced around nervously before scooting over to her side of the bench. He put his hand over hers and gave it a tight squeeze. It was so quiet he could hear the hammering of his own heart. 

“I was advised not to tell you this, but I don’t care,” whispered Zuko at an octave so low even a dog might not be able to hear it. The information he was giving was so sensitive he could die if anyone overheard it. He didn’t even trust the driver. He did trust Katara, despite everything, he trusted her with his life. His heart, he was still wary of for now, but his life– she still held with the utmost trust. Zuko bit his lip, checking behind his shoulders again, and breathing heavily with anxiety. 

He pulled up his sleeve, baring a grotesque wound on his upper arm. He pressed his cheek against hers, his lips on her ear as he whispered, “There was an assassination attempt. They got through the guards. Some intelligence suggests it had to be an insider for them to be so close. It was a woman. I was sleeping, and she threw the knife at me– it was poisoned, but didn’t strike close enough to an organ to kill me,” he explained. “No one can know. It makes me seem weak, our guards, our security… knowing anyone could get that close will inspire others and trigger more attacks… but… you need to know because… I’m scared for you to be around the palace. I’m scared they’ll try to hurt you. In a way, I’m sort of relieved you have your own place,” Zuko finished squeezing her hand. 

“No one can know, Kat. I trust you.”

* * *

“Oh my god, are you—” Katara’s eyes widened, and she immediately ran her fingers up his arm, checking over the shoddy repair job and mottled scar tissue. Her mind was running over a dozen ways to fix it, to heal him better than what had already been done. 

Zuko pressed his lips to her ear, however, and she stiffened beside him. His heart thundered. She could feel it. But even over his, she could hear the sound of her own — _thumpthump… thumpthump_ — it pounded in her blood, in her throat. 

_ ‘No one can know.’ _

He said that twice, his voice growing so quiet and carrying such urgency. All she could do was nod… nod and sit stone still, like she’d been frozen in a block of ice. It was only when Zuko hissed under his breath, that Katara realized she had an iron grip on his thigh. 

“God… _shit._ Sorry.” She sighed shakily, letting him and wringing out her fingers.   Her skin looked white and flushed, and the hair on her arms stuck up at odd angles. Katara rubbed her biceps, fighting a chill that didn’t exist, but the look of fear he wore made her stop. 

“Zuko…” She reached for him, her fingers grazing up his chin to cradle his jaw tenderly. “I- I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.” 

* * *

Zuko grabbed her wrists as she cradled his face. “Don’t be sorry, you haven’t done a thing,” Zuko whispered, his hands soothingly running over her wrists and arms. His eyes locked with hers. He could hear her heartbeat, feel her pulse on her wrists as he held them.

“I want you to please, please be careful. I would rather come to you than you come visit me, when possible. Please,” Zuko spoke with severity.

“Please don’t think I’m being condescending. I know you’re strong. I know you’re a better fighter than me. I know you can take care of yourself, but fuck… they know what they’re doing sometimes, Kat. They have dirty tricks. I’m sure you’ll be safe in your own place, but when you come to the palace, please watch yourself. They’re not stupid people. When I was ruling the first year, the whole world wanted me dead, even Aang,” Zuko explained.

“They slipped things in my tea, they held knives to my throat, they shot arrows, they had swords, they used chi blocking, they killed guards, and I still can’t sleep at night feeling guilty- wondering about the guard’s family, why it’s deemed my life has more value than his, when it doesn’t,” Zuko stated. “I just want you to be aware,” he whispered. “Please be careful. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I could not go on, Kat. If something happened to you… anything… especially here, where it’s my fault… I’m not joking, Katara, I couldn’t go on. Just be careful, for the love of God, be careful.”

* * *

“I will,” she whispered, nodding so fervently she thought she’d be sick. “I’ll be careful. I promise. I won’t- I won’t leave again.” 

Katara swallowed, and sliding her fingers from his jaw into his hair, clinging to him to fight the tremor in her hands. She noticed it’d gotten longer, dusting his shoulders, and Katara nearly commented that she liked it, until she thought such a disruption odd. 

But she couldn’t help herself as she notices a dozen other things: from his eyes and how they melted when she looked at him, to his hands and how gently his fingers held her wrists, to his rosy lips— she hadn’t kissed him, not once, not in the last three months. 

Her father told her about this once, how the body reacts to stress and adrenaline. Details seem sharper and crystal clear. You see things you wouldn’t normally. You remember things, the smallest little things. He’d always talk about the prisms in the snow, made by the sun reflecting in the little frozen shards. 

How could he have known she’d experience the same thing, clinging to her boyfriend, and just _now_ memorizing him? 

Tears pricked her eyes, and Katara forced her voice to stay level. “You- you should stay with me,” she panted, then bit her lip to keep her sobbing breaths to a minimum. “P-please, Zuko… Stay in my apartment with me. Or— if you won’t, I’m coming back to the palace. I won’t let you be alone and in danger.” 

* * *

Zuko, for the longest time, just watched her. Her eyes were stricken with fear, but they were still so breathtakingly beautiful. They were as blue as the sky on the clearest of days. He missed her face, and the way her long hair draped over her shoulders, and her tender smile when she looked at him. 

He wanted to hold her. He wanted to lie in bed with her in her arms for hours. He wanted to kiss her. He missed her, and he was afraid. It was apparent that he hadn’t been sleeping. The fear of more attacks kept him up. His eyes were bleary, there were dark circles under his unscathed eye, lines on his skin, he was thinner, and the other day he found a few gray hairs. He was only twenty-one. 

He was scared something would happen to Katara, and he was the one who brought her here. He wanted her beside him with everything in his heart, but he didn’t know if it was for the best anymore. What if something happened to her? Zuko would die. Like he said and meant, he could not go on. 

“I don’t want you to stay in the palace, Kat,” Zuko stated, shaking his head wearily but firmly. “It’s not safe,” said Zuko, “And… I don’t want people talking again. You just got away from all that. I want you to be happy, Katara… were you happy- honestly- living in the Fire Nation? I don’t want to hurt you. I just… I want you to have a good life, Kat. That’s all I want for you– happiness… and love… fulfillment. If _I’m_ keeping you from that…”

* * *

Katara’s worry shifted to vehement refusal. “No,” she hissed, her grip in his hair tightening. “No! You don’t get to protect me. You don’t get to send me away on some notion of honor. That’s not _honor._ ” 

She thought she must’ve been hurting him, with how fiercely she held the raven strands at the base of his skull. Katara let out a short sigh, then let him go, muttering a quiet apology. 

“Zuko, please…” She started again, bent on convincing him. Katara coaxed his chin down with a soft grip on his jaw. When he leaned his forehead against hers, she settled her fingers on his shoulders, squeezing gently. “I’m either staying with you, or I will drag you kicking and screaming to my apartment. I’ll tie you up if I have to. _“_

She meant it as a joke, but her voice fell flat. Katara closed her eyes then, feeling them burn with guilt. She hadn’t been there. She hadn’t kept her promise to keep to him safe, to keep his heart unburdened. Her stomach twisted with the thought that she’d never shake this feeling, this blame; but then again, she wasn’t sure she deserved to forget it. 

“Don’t send me away. Don’t keep me at an arm’s length.” she urged, clinging to him. She’d made a grievous mistake, leaving Caldera. Katara wouldn’t do it again, even if he banished her from his nation. “ _Please.”_

* * *

Zuko’s eyes fluttered shut, relishing in the missed intimacy as his forehead rested against hers. His hands rested on her waist, his fingers toying with the fabric there. He swallowed thickly, mulling over her words as he bit his bottom lip. “Okay… _okay_ ,” he whispered in surrender. 

“I’ll stay at your apartment at night, and commute to the palace during the day,” he relinquished. “I don’t want you there at night, Kat… if I have to leave then, so do you,” he stated, settling on the compromise. 

She smelled like fresh rain, like he remembered, and being in her arms again made his eyes well with tears. His head fell from her forehead to her shoulder, his hand caressing her side with absentminded affection. He wanted to hold her close, like if he let go, she’d disappear again. 

Relief poured through him, that he was holding her again. For months, he thought he’d never get to again for the rest of his days. Zuko pulled her closer then, nuzzling his head against her neck. “I missed you so much,” Zuko murmured. “I was so scared I’d lost you.”

* * *

“Okay… _god,_ thank you.” Her pulse slowed, if only slightly, when he caved to her compromise. He’d be with her during the nights. She could sleep, knowing he was beside her, knowing she had a chance to protect him, if needed. 

Katara released a breath she hadn’t meant to hold, the shifted so he could pull her close. “I missed you, too, Zuko. Even the little cot I had in Jang Hui was too big for me alone.” She smiled, but it faded to a somber stare as his nose brushed up her neck. 

“Spirits,” she whispered, realizing she was still trembling. Katara swung her legs up onto the bench and over his lap, so she was curled against his chest. She rested her cheek on the top of his head and sighed. “I’m so glad you’re alright. I’m so glad to have you back. I love you, Zuko. I really do.” 

* * *

 

Zuko held her close, a smile coming over his lips. He laughed tearfully, a stray tear falling against her as he moved to kiss her jaw. Zuko sat up, wiping his eye, and then cupping her cheeks between his hands, smiling tenderly at her. “I love you so much,” Zuko murmured, his thumbs stroking her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her for the first time in forever, huddled close in the little carriage. Zuko swore he’d melted, heart and all, as his lips met hers. He swore he was never letting her go ever again. 

The ride back seemed so much faster than the one up. Before they knew it, they were back at Caldera’s doors, and Zuko took her hand to help her out of the carriage. Crowds were there, cheering for Katara’s return. She was adored by the civilians. Zuko linked his arm with hers proudly, waving with a blush to the swooning common folk. He kept her close out of an innate desire to hold her, but also out of fear. The palace felt dangerous now. He felt eyes on them. He felt like anything could strike out of nowhere. 

“Remember, Kat… until we get to the bottom of this, the intercepted letters, the attempt on my life, you can’t be too careful,” Zuko uttered beneath his breath, a smile still mounted on his face as he waved, walking up the steps, surrounded by guards. “It’s going to be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus concludes, These Hearts We Deceive


	48. These Masks We Wear, Part 1

It had been only one week since Katara returned to Caldera, the capitol of the Fire Nation. Zuko worked in the palace by day, accompanied by his dear girlfriend, and went back to her seaside apartment by night. He didn’t mind the routine, he actually liked it. He was able to create more of a separation between his work and personal life. He was able to rest easier, not thinking about all the work he had, he could just unwind beside Katara. He felt safe there with her, too. They kept it secret– their location, and whereabouts. When they went back to the palace, they took clandestine routes and backroads and alleyways. They were then dropped off in the city’s circle and walked to the palace, greeting the civilians. Zuko quite enjoyed the routine.

He was so glad to have her back, too. Zuko missed seeing her bright face every day, rolling over to have her beside him, talking to her about everything and everything. He was relieved she was back at his side, after being terrified he’d lost the love of his life forever due to an outside force. Their mission still stood. They were still after the culprits who were behind trying to separate them, and Zuko was still trying to weed out why– why would they want them apart.

They were once again, walking, surrounded by guards to the palace. There was always a crowd of people, shouting and waving, and the two of them had to plaster on a smile, and wave to their people, not that they minded. It was just the fear. There was so much going on, it was impossible for the guards to make this foolproof. 

Zuko clutched Katara closer, licking his lips, continuing to smile and wave to the people. He got distracted by a little girl, and his eyes softened from their programmed stare. She was yelling, and giggling, reaching out. Zuko chuckled warmly, and gave Katara’s hand a squeeze, a nod of reassurance as he walked over to her. “Zuko! Zuko!” cried the little girl. Zuko was caught by her young age, and the innocent way she called his name with no formalities or titles. 

“Hello there, what would your name be?” Zuko said to her, and she smiled brightly, giggling and looking over to her mother who bowed and offered an apology for what she described as her daughter’s brashness. Zuko laughed, shaking his head, telling the mother it was quite all right. Zuko reached to his pocket to pull out a comb he was going to gift the young girl, but that was when he froze– struck. 

Zuko collapsed, and guards swarmed over him. There was an arrow, shot in his upper shoulder blade. Zuko cursed aloud, biting his lip in pain. He looked up to the guards, wincing, breathing heavy in sharp pain. “Get… Get Katara inside– now! Clear the crowds! Get them to safety! Get Katara to safety first! Then the rest of  you usher the people, then find this coward– immediately!” Zuko ordered, as he himself was lifted by a swarm of guards, and rushed to the safety of the palace.

 

* * *

 

Her first instinct was to duck, which likely saved her life, as another _‘whoosh’_ passed her ear and thudded into the chest of an innocent bystander. That’s when the screaming started, because the man fell backwards with blood spilling across his clothes, and guards swarmed towards their shouting Fire Lord. 

They tried to swarm her, too, acting on Zuko’s demands for her safety. Katara darted away, gathering her skirts and looking in the opposite direction of fleeing crowd. 

The little she knew of trajectory told her look up, and she caught it— a glint of metal from the tower of a citadel, another arrow being notched, pulled back, let free. 

Katara stopped it in a shield of ice. “I’m going after him.” 

“Ambassador!” A guard raised his hand, reaching for hers as she started off down the street. When she burst into a run, the soldier did, too. “Ambassador! _Ambassador Katara!_  I’m under direct orders to get you back safely! Please!”

“Then you better follow me!”  

She turned back to the tower. The activity above was gone, meaning the attacker knew he’d been caught, knew she was coming for him. Katara raced into an alleyway, hearing the heavy footfalls of the guard behind her. 

Darting through the streets she’d come to know like the back of her hand, Katara burst into an empty path, at the base of the citadel, catching a dark cloak vanishing around the back of it. 

 _“Hey!”_ She threw ice that way, heard the darts thunk into ground as they narrowly missed him. Katara bolted after the attacker, rounded the corner, caught another flash of his shape as he tried to make for a narrow alleyway. 

He made a mistake, though. She’d memorized these streets, learned every vein of the city. She knew the network of catacombs, reservoirs, and pipes that spread out like a web beneath the cobblestone. The assassin passed over a pipe that fed a fountain just a few blocks away. 

It was a split second, but it was all she needed. 

Katara halted her chase and water erupted from the road, tossing the man sky high before she gathered control of his soaked clothes and threw him to the ground. The guard caught up with her just as the attacker groaned from his place in the street.

“Bring him,” she said, turning on her heel for the palace. “I’m sure the Fire Lord will be pleased to know you captured his attacker.”

* * *

 

Zuko kept checking behind his shoulder to see if they had gotten Katara out safely, but everything was lost among the panicked throng. Zuko was bleeding, and lightheaded. It was beginning to be a struggle to keep his head up and focused among his daze. The arrow was still lodged through his shoulder blade and out through his front shoulder. He was lucky it just missed his heart by the luck of a bad aim.

His heart was racing with fear, wondering where Katara was as they pulled him deliriously through the halls, screaming and yelling for a wheelchair as Zuko’s skin went sallow, and his eyes lulled back. He basically collapsed into the chair as they then rushed him to the infirmary. Zuko desperately grabbed the sleeve of the guard rushing him back.

“Katara? Where is Katara? Where is my wife?” Zuko choked out, deliriously addressing his girlfriend in worry, a death grip on her wrist. The guard shook her head, assuring the Fire lord that they had it under control. Zuko wouldn’t buy that until he saw her safe.

They laid him on a stretcher, guards on the highest alert, armed on each side of the door. The doctor cleansed Zuko’s wound, before snapping the arrow in half with a knife, that way he could remove it from each side the least painfully and safest medically to prevent gushes of blood. They gave him herbs to prevent infection and pain relief, but Zuko was all but passed out on the bed when he saw the blur of a man, tied up and restrained, entering the room.

 

* * *

She pushed her way through the line of guards into the infirmary, still trailed by the guard and her prisoner. Katara shook her head, signaling the man to wait for a time. Zuko needed healing, not a bombardment of questions and concerns. 

Shooing the herbalist away, Katara took the seat near Zuko’s bedside and used the last of the water in her water skin to clean the wound more thoroughly. She pulled in a deep breath, and the water glowed blue, healing the damage both inside and out. 

“He won’t have any trouble with an infection now, but he’ll have to exercise and stretch,” she instructed the healers. “The muscles will likely be sore— so stay on top of him, however, for now, let him sleep.” 

Katara nodded at the women, then looked away, sweeping hair from Zuko’s forehead before pecking his cheek softly. “I’m okay,” she whispered, hoping he’d hear her somewhere in her dreams. 

“Get me when he wakes up,” she demanded, pacing towards the exit. “I have an assassin to deal with.”

* * *

 

Zuko stirred in his sleep, fidgeting with a restless dream. He was out cold for an entire sixteen hours now, well into the night. Zuko awoke with a gasp in a cold sweat, a nightmare gripping him from the recovery sleep. He gasped Katara’s name, and looked around then in a panic for her. “Katara,” Zuko whispered, sitting up, wincing as he grabbed his shoulder. 

He looked to a healer who’d just awoken. “Where’s Katara? Where is she?” Zuko insisted, “Is she okay? What happened?” Zuko cried, sitting up. The healer rushed to coax the fire lord back to bed, but Zuko pressed arm against her, moving her aside. “No!” he retorted, “Let me be. Tell me where she is,” Zuko demanded, standing up as he held his shoulder, his breath heavy. 

He stormed to the halls, searching for a guard to find her as the healer side, and went out to find Katara herself. 

* * *

 

She was keeping quiet company with the would-be assassin and his guard. Water danced between her fingertips, and every now and again, Katara would look the man’s way with a cool stare. 

His brows would furrow, like he couldn’t decide between defiance and fear, but as the hours drug on, and she made a casual threat about the full moon and his blood, the man seemed to be leaning more towards fear. Her father had taught her this, how to be still and silent, how to wait until the prisoner broke.

They _always_ broke. 

The room’s door slammed open, though, and Zuko burst into the prison cell, looking sweaty and pale. His forehead glistened in the flickering light, and he grabbed at the wall, panting.

“My Lord,” the guard jumped up to bow, but Katara didn’t bother. She left her seat and went straight to him, a palm on his cheek. 

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” she murmured. “I told the nurses to get me… not to send you here. Your wound might be healed, but there’s still trauma. You need to recover, love.”

* * *

 

Zuko rushed towards her the moment he saw her. “Kat,” Zuko whispered in relief, his eyes welled with relieved tears at the sight of her as she cupped his cheek. He pulled her into his arms then, and kept the embrace despite the pain in his shoulder. “Spirits, I thought I might’ve lost you,” Zuko whispered in her ear, holding her close. 

“I didn’t know where you were out there, and when I woke up, they wouldn’t answer me,” Zuko rambled, his fingers curling in her hair, not wanting to let go, even with his aching shoulder. 

“I’m so, so grateful you’re all right,” he spoke. He pulled back then, still holding her side with his unharmed hand, “What’s going on in here?” asked Zuko finally, looking over at his restrained would-be-killer. “Is that…? Is that him? The man who shot me?”

* * *

 

“I’m okay, I promise,” Katara reassured him, her hands dropping from his face to hold his wrists. After a brief squeeze, Katara’s fingers slipped further to link with his, and she pulled him towards the stool Zuko’s guard was now offering. 

“I caught him, right after you went down,” she explained, “And don’t blame Akio… he chased after me, trying to get me to go back to the palace with him, but—” Katara smiled a little, gripping Zuko’s unharmed shoulder. “You know I can’t stay away from a fight.” 

She took the seat she’d had before, by the bars of the cell that held the assassin, and Akio found a new position at the door, his eyes averted in formal respect. Katara looked back at Zuko, her eyes going soft. “I should’ve been there when you woke up… I’m sorry.” 

“This guy,” she jabbed at the men crouched against the far wall, “won’t talk, however, so I’ve been stuck here making not-so-idle threats.” 

* * *

 

Zuko sighed in relief, nodding when Katara said she was all right.  That was the greatest weight off his shoulders, more so than the arrow. Zuko assured her that he was just worried, and it didn’t matter she wasn’t right there when he awoke, and he smiled proudly and with amusement when she spoke of her battle– of course. He scowled at the pitiful man, and sat beside Katara, holding her hand, not wanting to let go. His mind was still set in fight or flight, his heart was racing still, his stomach was in knots. Seeing the assassin was making his blood only further boil. 

Zuko scoffed in disgust at the man who tried to end his life. He needed information out of him. In his gut, he knew that there was a connection between this man and the people trying to separate him and Katara, as well as the attack on his life before that left him with that gash up his arm. What was their motive? It wasn’t as simple as overthrowing him, was it? Why would that involve Katara, unless they perceived her as the greatest threat, which could be likely. She single-handedly found the assassin among the crowd when a hoard of guards couldn’t, and she defeated him. 

“He needs to talk. People are in danger. He better open his mouth, or we’ll make him,” Zuko spat in a snarl, but he didn’t look so intimidating. His eyes were still bleary and tired, and he looked weak in his injured state. He had power though. He was the leader of this nation, and Zuko _demanded_ this man speak.

* * *

 

“He needs to talk, but you need to rest,” Katara said, repeating herself even as Zuko’s hands curled into fists. He was visibly shaken— it wasn’t just his ashen skin or the purple stain beneath his right eye. The attempt on his life _(what number was this now?)_  had sunk into his bones, drug his shoulders down with all the weight of the ocean lapping at his shores. 

Or, maybe it was the try at killing _her_ that had him breathing heavy. 

Either way, Katara wrapped her fingers around his wrists. A gentle squeeze got his attention, and she gave him an imploring look. “Zuko—” Her voice dropped several octaves, so only he could hear her despite the lack of privacy. 

“You can’t do this to yourself. You’ll die of a heart attack before anyone like him gets to you.” The thought made her throat constrict. She could feel her body fighting tears, as her nostrils flared and her eyes stung. 

All the excitement had caught up to her. The adrenaline had worn off. She wasn’t sitting across from the Fire Lord anymore, she was sitting across from the man she loved, the man she almost lost.  

Katara pulled in a slow breath, then stood, looking down at him. “Please… I’ve only been here this long because I wanted to be close, but now that you’re awake… Let’s go to bed. _Zuko_.” 

* * *

 

Zuko was shaken from his fixated, angered stare at the assassin and taken over to the loving one of his girlfriend. His eyes instantly softened in the hollow sockets they sat in, and his guard and defenses went down. He held her hands, and stroked her wrists with his thumbs tenderly. 

“Okay,” Zuko whispered, nodding, the thought too tempting to ignore. Somehow, it was her little shore side house that felt more like home. It must’ve been her presence, but the little cottage felt like theirs. It was more personalized, private, separate from the nonsense behind these golden walls. Zuko longed to go there, but he knew they’d need even more security now as they headed back. Zuko felt paranoid from the day’s events, and it couldn’t hurt to up the ante. 

The cloak-and-dagger carriage did its furtive path that connected to other, convoluted roads and different carriages all throughout the city until finally they reached the little house they now called home. Zuko sighed in relief, and set on the oil lamp with his bending, rubbing his eyes that were bleary and bloodshot from exhaustion and stress. He walked to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face, and tossing off the thin shirt he was put in. They must’ve changed him from his thick robes when dressing the wound. He looked back lovingly at Katara, wondering if it was all her. 

Zuko flicked his fingers into the basin, and walked back into their bedroom. “Are you sure you’re okay, my love?”


	49. These Masks We Wear, Part 2

Katara perked up at his question, if only minutely. Her eyes lifted from the floor in the bedroom to meet his call, but she remained slouched on the bed, her chin digging into her hands. 

“I guess,” she murmured, her breath easing when he came into view. It was an odd comfort seeing the reddish-pink stain that flared out like an imploding star on his chest. Perhaps it was that she’d saved him from that— and if she could bring him back from the brink of death, as he’d been, she could bring him back from anything. 

But, Katara’s gaze flicked from Azula’s cruel mark to the other damages: arrow wounds, stab wounds, a healed slash on his hip from when she’d thrown him against rocks during some long-forgotten fight. 

“Are you?” she asked under her breath, getting up from the bed and closing the short distance. “Are you _ever_ okay?” 

Katara placed her forefinger on the grove of muscle just above his pants, the harsh line that cut diagonally across his abdomen and vanished below his waistband. Months ago, she would’ve been salivating at the mere sight of him in nothing but loose, black pants, but now… tonight… 

She traced the faint scar on his hip. “I hurt you back then.” Her fingers tickled up his side, to the mangled tissue on his bicep… another scar that was her fault. 

“If I’d been here, if I’d never left for Jang Hui— you wouldn’t have that,” Katara whispered, her eyes glassy. She felt her way over to the stain on his chest. “I almost lost you today. I’ve nearly lost you so many times.” 

* * *

 

Zuko frowned at her halfhearted response, but understood. He nodded, and instead put his hands on her waist, his eyes meeting hers. His fingers caressed her back absentmindedly as she spoke, and he gave her a weary smile, nodding. 

“I’m… no, I’m not okay right now, to be honest with you,” he said with a somber laugh. “But… I– I am okay at times, don’t get that mixed up. I’m more than okay… most of the time, when you’re here,” he added playfully, a small smirk that only curved at one side forming on his pallid face. 

Then she was apologizing, and Zuko looked at her, puzzled. “I mean, I tied you to a tree, so I guess we’re even,” he teased her, leaning in and pressing a ginger kiss to her cheek. 

He held her close then as she moved her hand to his other scar, and he exhaled deeply. “I’m right here, Katara,” Zuko assured her. “I’ll always be right here, okay?” he promised, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Who knows what could’ve happened if you were there… they might’ve hurt you… I just got, what? A scratch? I’m fine,” Zuko whispered, holding her close. “I’m going to be okay. We’re going to get to the bottom of this. I promise.”

* * *

 

“It’s not a scratch, Zuko. It’s not just a—” She shook her head in protest, her fingers leaving him to rub her forehead. Her lips gaped with words she couldn’t say. She didn’t know how to form the truth, that all the attempts on his life were attempts on hers, too. She wouldn’t be able to live without him. 

Katara dropped her hand from her face, twisting it with her other beneath her chin in a tight clasp. 

“I can’t lose you, Zuko. I- I can’t.”

Leaning forward, she pressed into him, her nose nuzzling his chest, deep breaths letting her memorize the smell of sandalwood that lingered on his soft skin. 

She knew all the places that scent hid— at the base of his throat, in the dip of his collarbones, down his sternum. She started there, pressed a tender kiss to the flat bone, whispering that she loved him. 

Then, Katara dropped her hands from beneath her chin. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her fingertips dragging up to flatten on his strong back.  

“Zuko.” Her kisses grew more urgent, leaving his chest to travel up his neck. She suckled below his jaw, nipped his ear, twisted her fingers in the hair that brushed his shoulders and pulled his mouth down to hers. 

It was harsh and quick, that initial embrace, like dry fuel tossed into flames, making the fire flare angrily. She growled under her breath, bit his lip, chased his tongue, trying to convey all the worries she buried, but only taking undue rage out on him. 

When tears wet her cheeks, her own tears, Katara realized, Zuko slowed it down. His mouth softened and his stance relaxed, letting her melt further into him. 

Katara felt like she could finally breathe, now, and the grip she had on his raven strands loosened, let him go. She cupped his cheeks, then his jaw, matching the tender way his lips moved, letting his gentle touch push away any thoughts of the assassin and what she almost lost that day. 

“Please,” she whispered, in a brief moment they stole to catch their breath, “I- I can’t lose you, Zuko. _Please_.” 

* * *

 

He knew exactly how she felt. He refused to lose her, too. He couldn’t even fathom, nor imagine, losing her. He didn’t think he’d survive it, so how could he even get as far to contemplate such horror, even intrusively? There were no answers except oblivion. Zuko swallowed thickly, looking to her with pleading, imploring, desperate eyes that shone with pain, love, and sheer exhaustion. “You won’t, Katara,” Zuko stated then, but she knew as well as he, he couldn’t really guarantee that, just as she couldn’t guarantee the same. 

Fear ran through him because what she could promise, and had promised, had already been severed. The way in which he lost her before, she promised to prevent- she could have prevented, but she didn’t. She gave up– and threw him away. Zuko tried to push away the dubious thoughts, running his fingers nervously into his bangs. At least he could promise her, in that form, he wouldn’t go, she would never lose him by choice. His words, his promise, was true in that regard, at the very least. 

She caught him off guard in an urgent kiss. It felt of all her restrained passion and fear rolled into one and onto his lips. Zuko fell, captivated against her lips, caught up in the moment she wrought, deprived himself of her touch. Her lips found his neck, shoulder, ear, and then his lips and he wanted every square inch of his skin marked by her kisses. He returned her kisses fervently until he felt tears, and he hesitantly slowed, murmuring her name in worry as he pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers. 

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, wiping away her tears as his own formed. “Katara,” began Zuko, “I love you so much,” murmured Zuko, rubbing his nose against hers, thinking back to the horror he couldn’t shake from the day. He didn’t want to worry her, but he was shaken and unraveled. He heard the crowd’s screams, he remembered feeling stunned, his heart stopping as the arrow forged painfully into his skin and bones, and all his heart cried was ‘Katara’. He was scared she’d be killed. He was scared something horrific would befall his people. He was so fucking scared all the time. 

She was scared right now, too. He wanted to ease that, at least bring comfort because this fear was unyielding. His head threw him back to the moment he cried for her in fear, calling her his wife. The darker thoughts asked himself if she even still wanted to marry him. This life was maddening. Things had shaken. 

Zuko’s eyes fluttered open, looking at her. “You won’t lose me. I’ll always be here, okay?” he whispered, “It’s okay… I’m here, it’s okay,” he whispered, gingerly running his hands up her neck and through her hair, coaxing her over against his lips for a tender kiss as his eyes fluttered shut and a tear glided across his ashen skin. 

* * *

 

She nodded against him, molding her lips to his eagerly. She wanted to forget the day, forget all the stress that was burying them alive. It’d been so long since a moment like this was taken advantage of, even with her return to Caldera. 

The mornings and afternoons were always filled with paperwork; the evenings were spent dwelling on quiet worries, until they fell asleep wherever they happened to be in her little seaside home, too exhausted to care where they woke the next morning. 

And, Katara was tired, _so_ tired of it all. She wanted this— this stillness, this moment with his hands in her hair and her fingertips feeling down the bumps of his spine.

When she reached the curve of his lower back, Katara’s fingers dug into him, coaxing him so close to her that no space remained. Then her hands flattened against him, one drifting around to grip Zuko’s hip, the other sliding further down to squeeze his ass. 

That earned her a surprised hiss, and Katara laughed playfully. “You mean your other ambassadors don’t get to touch your butt?” she teased, pecking the corner of his mouth. 

Her lips moved along his jaw, then his neck, and Katara’s kisses turned fervent again, hot and open-mouthed. Her fingers skimmed down the back of his thigh, clawed back up the side, memorizing the feel of solid muscle beneath cotton pants. 

“Is this—?” Katara paused with her mouth hovering over his chest, her eyes flicking up nervously before she placed another soft kiss below his collarbone. Her hands stilled too, the one on his hip and the other halted on his thigh.

She swallowed, trembling as she waited for his answer, because it’d been so long since they’d found themselves in a position like this and her body ached for the reassurance that he still wanted her. “Is this okay?” 

* * *

 

Zuko inched closer to her with every coaxing touch, longing for the intimacy they’d missed in the past three months. Katara couldn’t get close enough as Zuko held her, his fingers running up and down her back as she kissed him, and he shuddered in yearning, his thumbs clutching her waist and her hips, gentle hisses of approval escaping his lips. 

Everything had been so busy in the past week, they hadn’t even gotten the chance to regain their sense of intimacy, but this fear seemed to chase it now into the corner until they both were desperate. He needed to know she was still there. He needed her. He kissed her when she surprised him with a squeeze, and he chuckled gently against her lips at her familiar teasing that he’d missed like all hell. 

“It’s not usually customary, no,” retorted Zuko playfully, nipping her ear, “There are, however, exceptions to every rule,” he teased her, kissing her neck gently as she resumed her slew of kisses across his skin. His eyes came to meet hers as she froze in hesitation. Zuko pulled back enough to cup her neck, his visage molded in concerned.

He kissed her gently at her question with a tender laugh, “This is _more than okay_ , love,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers, “I missed you so much… I missed _this_ , too,” he admitted, his fingers trailing along her sides. He pulled back with a lopsided smile and lidded eyes that glowed with affection. “Though, you’re going to have to go easy on my one shoulder, no nail marks this time,” he teased her, “It still hurts like a bitch.”

* * *

 

“Oh—” Her eyes flicked from his to the lingering bruise on his shoulder. She’d healed the major damage, but the skin was pink and swollen where she’d sealed the wound, and a purplish-blue spread out from it. “You’re right.” 

Katara bit her lip as she pulled away, feeling the air shift suddenly. Her eyes threatened to fill with tears and worry closed her throat. 

All she could hear was the screaming crowd, the sound of the arrow as it rushed by her ear, the dull thud as it embedded in the sternum of an innocent man. 

And all she could think was how that death could’ve been _him_. 

 _“God…_ What- what am I doing?” She shook her head with a awkward, pained laugh, taking her hands away from him. “I should be letting you rest… and healing you,” she muttered, padding away from him towards the kitchen. She filled a bowl with warm water and collected a fluffy towel. “Come on.” 

Katara wrapped her fingers around his wrist, leading him towards her small bed. She tried to smile when he sat on the edge and she stood between his legs, but she knew it didn’t reach her eyes. Her heart had been racing with excitement just seconds ago, and now a hot rush of fear spread out from her chest. It turned her blood to lead, made her body feel heavy and slow.

She pulled her gaze from his, focusing on his shoulder instead. “Tell me what helps,” she asked, drawing water across his skin and inhaling to set it aglow. 

* * *

 

Zuko’s face dropped as Katara pulled back, and he looked at her with worry. Had he done something to upset her? Zuko felt small as he dropped his hands at his side, “I’m okay, Kat,” Zuko whispered, “It’s just sore,” he assured her. He took a deep sigh, worried she didn’t want him anymore. Was it the time away? Had that changed things? Zuko swallowed thickly, running his hand through his bangs. 

Zuko followed her to their bed, and sat down, sighing again. She smiled, but her eyes were somber. Zuko gave her side a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Kat,” Zuko spoke, pressing his head against her stomach, his eyes drifting shut only a moment until he felt the water on his shoulder, and he exhaled in relief. It felt amazing against the sore and throbbing wound. 

It felt like a ball was embedded in his skin that was sore to the touch. It was a nasty and painful wound. Katara’s treatments always helped, she was amazing at what she did: healing, fighting, leading, legislature, humanitarian aid, politics, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend. 

“That- that feels great,” he murmured, though worry still lingered in his chest. “Are you okay, Kat? All things considered… are you okay?”

* * *

 

She sighed quietly at his question, unsure what he’d want to hear. She’d always been the strong one, since she was a kid. Katara carried the burdens of her family, then the Gaang— she’d keep carrying them now, so he didn’t have to be weighed down by anything more. 

“I’ve handled worse,” Katara said, spreading the water over his shoulder and refusing to meet his gaze. “I’ve handled _a lot_ worse.” 

Her hands coaxed the water to heal his bruising. When Zuko’s skin lightened to the yellowish-green of a fading bruise, she shifted her focus to the arrow’s mark. There was swelling beneath the surface, and his nerves seemed irritated from all the inflammation. She worked the water to heal deeper, her eyes closed as she followed the pathways she learned from Yugoda. 

Satisfied when he moaned in relief, Katara pulled the water away, surveying her work. 

There wasn’t much left to do until the morning, when she’d clear out the swelling again and check his nerves. Katara patted him dry with the towel, then took the bowl back to the sink. “I can handle this, too. Don’t worry.” 

* * *

 

Zuko sighed deeply, his shoulder feeling still sore, but much better. He rolled his shoulder when she finished, smirking at her with pride. He yawned slightly, and got up, following Katara. He put his hand on the small of her back and leaned to kiss her cheek, lingering a moment with affection. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get the information, we’ll track them down, we’ll stop this,” Zuko assured her. 

“I know you can handle anything that gets thrown at you, Kat, but that doesn’t make it okay,” he told her, “Please talk to me,” he urged, “Don’t bottle it up, okay?” he whispered, kissing her again on the cheek. “Just because you can cope with it, doesn’t  make it okay, Kat. I just… I want you to be okay, that’s all… or at least let me know if you’re not,” he spoke. “I’m your boyfriend, Kat. I’m here for you. You can trust me; I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

* * *

 

 “Fine,” she hissed, her fingers wrapping around the lip of the sink. Katara let go when her knuckles faded to white, and turned on her heel to face him. “I’m not alright.” 

She blinked as she said it, unable to look at anymore of him than the starburst on his lower chest. Katara traced the edges, the scar feeling soft and smooth, his healthy skin puckering up with gooseflesh wherever she touched. 

“I’m not alright,” she repeated, her hands settling on his hips then. “But, that doesn't mean I want to talk about it. I just… want this. I want peace and quiet for the night. I want you.” 

* * *

 

Zuko retracted at her sudden anger, standing back, his hands extended, face worried. “Okay– okay, that’s okay,” Zuko replied, lowering his hands as he spoke softly, his eyes twinkling behind tears. “You don’t have to be okay all the time,” he assured her, letting out a ragged breath.

But, he inhaled that breath when her fingers ghosted his ghost-white skin. “You don’t have to… I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t. That’s all,” Zuko tried to explain. He swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling tense.

“Alright… I can do that,” be agreed with an inviting smile, offering her his hand.


	50. These Masks We Wear, Part 3

Katara took his hand gratefully, sighing out of relief. Perhaps the sound was too loud, too forceful— she didn’t want to hurt him by keeping her fears bottled up, but she didn’t want to burden him by letting them free. It had nothing to do with trust or love or even… _him._

Of course, saying that, giving him the reassurance he needed was harder to voice aloud. She’d never been able to share what she thought or wanted in the past. The life in the Tribe was too busy to accommodate emotions. Aang was always too conceited to care. Sokka — she loved him, but he didn’t always grasp that a solution wasn’t what she wanted. 

She thought maybe Zuko would listen, as she regarded him with a thoughtful expression, twisting her fingers with his in the kitchen. He’d listened before… quite well, even. 

“I- I don’t want any answers,” Katara said, deciding to take a chance with a nervous tilt of her head. “I just want you to hear me.” 

She pulled her hands from his, skimming up his arms to his shoulders, then linking her fingers behind his neck. Katara continued with a shaky breath. “You have too much on your plate to add my concerns to the list. That’s how I feel, like I’ll be a burden or a drag if I let you in on what I’m thinking, what’s scaring me.”

“And that’s not your fault,” Katara said, kissing him briefly. “It’s nothing you’ve done that’s made me close myself off. I just… I think about what will be required of me, as your- your wife, someday… I can’t imagine overemotional confessions are a part of that deal.” 

* * *

 

Zuko held her close, nodding as she spoke. He understood, he had similar fears. His hands caressed her back, and he pursed his lips. “I know how you feel,” Zuko spoke, “I feel like I’m a burden too, sometimes. Not because of you, but I guess because of how I was raised,” Zuko admitted, “I just want you to know that I never, ever feel burdened, Katara.”

“And, as my wife, you don’t have obligations because that would be between us two,” Zuko spoke, “I just want you, Kat. I don’t want anything… mandatory,” he explained, “There might be things for the Fire lady, but… as my wife… all I want is for you to love me,” he said with a laugh, “Don’t worry about that part,” he spoke, caressing her cheek.

* * *

 

“Well, I do,” she said, smiling slightly when his laugh brightened the room. “I love you a lot. I think about marrying you a lot… I hope that’s allowed. Some of the noblewomen who work in the palace would have me thrown out if they heard.” 

It was Katara’s turn to laugh then, “Some of them still deny we’re even seeing each other. I might have to start marking my territory around the halls.” She pushed up on her toes to give him a firm kiss, with that, then took his hands and pulled him back to the bed. 

“Do you think we’ll be left alone? After we’re married?” Katara curled up beside him beneath a light sheet, with her head on his bare chest. “We could keep this place, I’m sure, but it might seem odd if we’re never sleeping in your room. Or… will we be separate? Will I have to take up the Fire Lady’s suite?” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled at her words, laughing as she pulled him to their bed. He wrapped his arms around her as she curled up beside him. He was relieved that she still wanted to marry him, and it made his chest feel lighter, so did her head on it. He kissed her forehead and looked at her with a smile.

“You seem to forget, Kat, in the Fire lord. I’m the one who sets the palace rules,” Zuko teased. “No noblewoman could kick you out. And… I don’t care what the custom was, I- I would want you right next to me…every night,” he whispered, “Just like this,” added Zuko, thinking of how safe he felt right now. “They won’t bother us then… it’ll be more obvious- what we’re doing,” teased Zuko.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Kat… but I- I hope you don’t regret it… or… I don’t know. I just could not… I get scared… if anything happened to you… as if that’s not bad enough… I would be to blame, too.”

* * *

 

“You know I can defend myself, Zuko. There would be no reason to carry all the blame.” Katara lifted her head, meeting his eyes in the dark room. She could make out the glint of worry behind his tired stare, and sighed. “Our relationship doesn’t mean it’d be your fault. I’ve chosen to be here.” 

She laid back down, skimming her fingers over his chest and stomach to soothe him. “I’ve chosen you… and I know the risks that come with being a part of your life. I’m not afraid of them.”

* * *

 

Zuko found peace in his girlfriend’s arms somehow. He stirred at night, waking from a nightmare to Katara calming him. Somehow again, they both dozed off, awoken only by the rays of sun that danced on the bedsheets. Zuko panicked when he saw the time, but Katara urged him that he shouldn’t even be going in at all after the attack he suffered, and they took their time, drinking tea and eating breakfast on the veiled veranda by the water. 

They finally made their way to the palace through the clandestine roads and multiple carriage transfers. Zuko was nervous, even as they took a secret, safer entryway to the palace. He held Katara close going through the halls. His nerves were all but shot. His breath constricted walking through the corridors, and the guards were supposed to help reassure him, but they were a constant reminder that he and Katara’s lives were in jeopardy. 

They had to go get that assassin to speak. He was their only in for information. Zuko smirked when he remembered that tonight was a full moon– Katara could, for certain, get him to speak. He wouldn’t force her to use it, if she felt uncomfortable with the practice. But, he wouldn’t protest at her suggestion. Either way, they needed to get him to talk and fast. The sooner they knew what was behind this, the sooner they could halt it.


	51. These Masks We Wear, Part 4

It was an odd sensation, walking into the sweeping halls of the palace. As the sun gave way to a shrouded coolness, the easy air that’d followed them through the morning stole from her lungs. Every breath suddenly felt heavy, laden with worries and fear.

Katara felt as though the ocean had closed in on her. 

She struggled against the vice squeezing her ribs, clutched Zuko’s hand far too tight— She could hear the screams, so many screams. Before she could shake the horrid sounds, they were back in the prison cells beneath the palace. 

The most trusted of the guards were already there, Akio and Xi. Katara found herself grateful for the familiar faces, though confused… as to why she needed to be here. Xi answered her unspoken question as he offered a seat. 

“We though, my lady, since you were the one to capture the man, you might’ve seen more of his surroundings,” the guard led on, “the direction he ran, any companions, any identifying symbols on his clothing?” 

Katara shook her head, her arms crossing her abdomen. “No… no, he just ran, and I chased him.” She looked to her left, towards the man cowering in the cell with a dark smirk. “I don’t even know his name.” 

* * *

 

The prison was so dingy and cold. It reminded him of his father, and all he wanted to do was hide away like a child. Zuko hated the chambers and catacombs beneath the palace. He remembered Azula throwing him in here once for fun. He remembered his father locked him in here, demanding he learn how to bend or he’d suffocate. He remembered too much at once from this place, and it almost became hard to breathe, and he held Katara’s hand so tight he swore he’d squeeze it off. 

The got to the cell and Zuko faked it, though. He held himself firm and tall, like the powerful leader he was supposed to be. The assassin didn’t need to know it was a facade. Katara, however, likely could tell. Zuko eyed the man in disgust, looking between his guards, then back to his girlfriend before icily glaring at the attempted killer. 

“ _What_ is your name?”

* * *

 

“Does my name matter?” 

They were the first four words the man uttered, and within them, Katara caught a venomous threat. He was one of dozens— that’s what he meant. With a name or not, the real danger wasn’t within this cell, it was beyond the palace walls. 

Katara looked from the prisoner to Zuko, halfway through with voicing a question, “Maybe we shouldn’t bother with—” when the man chuckled. 

“She’s caught on, _hmm?”_ In his laugh, Katara realized his age. It was young and naive, the chilling giggle that filled the cell. He couldn’t have been older than Zuko, not by much. “A smart girl you have there, Fire Lord.” 

The couple swiveled, wide-eyed, staring at the assassin in wary curiosity for what he’d say next. “Though, you’re not as smart as you think… are you, Master Katara? A wise woman would leave this nation. A wise woman would recognize the detriment she is to a nation of great power and strong bloodlines.” 

“I hardly see how a partnership between two previously warring nations would be detrimental,” Katara said. “It would more firmly establish the peace in the world.” 

“What makes you assume we want what’s best for the world,” the man sneered. “This is about the Fire Nation, about the legacy Ozai led, and the uncultured, foreign whore this weakling of a leader has let into his bed. This is about putting power back on the throne.” 

* * *

 

In rage, Zuko snapped, throwing flames at the ground. “That’s enough!” Screamed Zuko. “Stop taunting and baiting! You will speak! You will answer us!” Zuko shouted. “You will not talk about Ambassador Katara so disrespectfully!” He cried.

“Unless you want a scar to match mine, in ode to my father who you adore, then you will speak!” Zuko shouted. “Who are you with?! Who sent you?! What do you want?! Where are you based?! Answer me!” Shouted Zuko.

“I don’t have all day!”

* * *

 

Katara flinched at the sudden fear of fire. The orange and red flames blinded her in the dark space, and when she blinked the afterimages of light away, the man in the cell was smirking. 

“Ambassador… Master… it doesn’t matter what you call her,” the prisoner glanced her way, his dark eyes glinting with malicious mirth, “she’s still nothing more than a barbaric peasant and you’re dishonoring this entire nation by bringing her into you bed, Fire Lord.” 

Katara stared at him for moment, then her lips flattened into a hard line and she growled. “It’s _my_ bed, technically, and you’ve failed to make your point.”

It was a false bravado, the confidence that rolled off her tongue. Internally, she was reeling with the notion that her presence alone was causing all this, that her relationship with Zuko would drive his own people to killing him. He wouldn’t let her stay, would he? If that turned out to be the motivation behind this? Her fingers were shaking, and she balled them into fists. 

“The Fire Nation hardly tolerates traitors, you know, and we have you here… imprisoned.” Katara tried to swallow her worrisome thoughts and kept the facade up, crossing her arms like she was at ease in the prison cell. “Do you really think prejudiced statements will cause the Fire Lord to look on you with mercy? Or are you hoping your comments will get a rise out of me? I’m afraid I’m used to the distaste of men— so I apologize, if your disapproval doesn’t bother me.” 

The man grunted in laughter, and a rustle in the back of his cell told Katara that he was standing. He padded forward, his young face catching the lantern light finally, his teeth glinting menacingly. 

“I don’t care what gets a rise out of you,” he remarked cooly, “but I’m not a fool. If you think we’re here to make idle threats, you’re truly as stupid as you appear. We have collateral, darling, beyond this idiot with a crown on his head.” 

Katara’s aloof attitude faltered, “What?” 

The prisoner smiled and turned away, pacing back to his bed where he relaxed on his back. “You should leave, darling. Let the Fire Nation’s ruler marry properly, keep these blood lines clean. Or better yet, ask him to step down. Let his father lead. He’d listen to you, wouldn’t he? If it meant not only your life, but the lives of your family?” 

* * *

 

Zuko’s eyes widened in horror. His heart began to race, and his stomach dropped. Katara spoke with such confidence, but he could see her hand clench and unclench with fear. Zuko swallowed thickly, and walked up behind her with his own shaking hands, reaching for hers then, and giving it a subtle squeeze, and held it. 

Zuko would never step down, nor allow his father to reign, but he was starting to fear what the repercussions of their relationship could mean. People were persistently trying to kill him- what if Katara was hurt in the crossfire? What if she was targeted to get to him? What if her family was hurt? He couldn’t run on the assumption these were idle threats. He needed to run on the opposite assumption. 

“Let’s leave, Katara. He won’t speak. We’re going to have to think of more ways to make him talk,” Zuko told her. “He’s just trying to incite us,” he explained with a hiss. 

Zuko then turned to the guards, “In the meantime, he stays here– ‘round the clock supervision! Watch him like a hawk. He is not to be let go for any reason- at all. Understood?” ordered Zuko, and when they saluted him, Zuko nodded, thanking them, and then pulled Katara from the room and lead her to a private room in the first floor. He closed it behidn him, and tugged her to the couch, holding her hands. 

“I won’t allow anyone to hurt you or your family. I swear it,” Zuko spoke. “But, God… Kat… I- I don’t know… shit- I don’t know if you’re safe, and I’m afraid. They keep trying to kill me. What if you get hurt? What if they take you from me? I- I can’t… I can’t, love, I can’t do it. They’re threatening your family now, over me… I– I… Katara, I _can’t_ …”

* * *

 

“You can’t what?” Her fingers balled into fists against his chest, gripping the fabric of his robes like the thread was holding her up. “You can’t do this? You can’t lead? Or you can’t be with me?” 

She shoved away, trembling as nausea took ahold of her, and anger swelled with it. _“’Round the clock supervision? Watch him like a hawk?’”_ Katara quoted, her blue eyes quickly coating in tears. “You think that will do _ **anything** _ if my father and brother are in danger? Are you stupid?!” 

Her rage was irrational, at least, when directed at him. Katara knew that. She might’ve been able to see it, if she were on the outside looking in. But, her heart was thudding against her chest and she felt hot— way too hot. There wasn’t enough air in the world to fill her lungs, wasn’t enough water to cool her skin. 

“I have to go,” she breathed, her fingers clawing at her forehead. “I have to- I have to leave and see them. I need to know that they’re alright and get them somewhere safe or- or bring them here— rescue them.” 

She swallowed past the tightness in her throat, her mind swirling with where her family could possibly be, if they’d been threatened or taken. That man was her only clue and her blood was alight with fury and the moon was full. 

Katara’s eyes snapped from Zuko’s to the closed door. She turned before he could even blink, darted out of his reach before he could stop her, and luckily for her, the guards outside the prison didn’t seem to know what to do. 

They hesitated, glanced over her shoulder to what had to be stunned-looking Fire Lord, then slid aside. She barreled between them, through the door that Xi had yet to lock, slammed it shut and froze the hinges with the moisture clinging the walls. 

Then her hands were up. Her eyes were on the prisoner and her lips twisted with an insanity on Yon Rha had previously seen. The man in the cell contorted with a phantom pain, and her fingers clenched, making the blinding agony rage in him.

“Where are they?” she growled. “Where is my family?” 

* * *

 

Zuko was taken aback when Katara snapped at him so suddenly. He was left speechless, and left wondering. She was right. If they _were_ in danger, it wouldn’t do much of anything to just _watch_ them. Zuko swallowed thickly, his mouth simply hung ajar, and his heart beating fast as she ran away from him. 

After sitting in stunned silence, Zuko stood, and went after his girlfriend. When he reached her cell, he was taken back four years ago- when she looked at Yon Rha with such venom. Her eyes were blinded with rage, and Zuko simply stood back. He knew she needed this. She needed this moment, and he just watched. He wanted to calm her, and assure her that her family weren’t captive, they were fine, but he had to leave her to her own devices. 

“Katara,” Zuko said softly, but to no avail, and he took a deep breath. “Answer her, now. You will answer Master Katara. Whether you choose to, or not, we will make you answer. You might as well do it _now_ , while it’s still easy.”

* * *

 

He didn’t answer, not at first, not until Katara had his veins bound up so tight that a single flick of her forefinger would snap his bones. 

Yet, with all the strain on her prisoner’s body, her chest barely lifted, her heart slowed. She felt a sick pull of power and the piece of her that’d taken Yon Rha’s life reared its ugly head. She could pluck the strings of this man, she could end him. 

She wanted to, but Katara waited. Then, finally—

“I— We- we don’t-” The man struggled against the vice in his blood, and she loosened her hold just an inkling, resulting a strangled shout. “It was just a threat! It was nothing! We don’t have them. No one had your family.” 

Her eyebrows shot up, “It was a joke, then? You were joking with me? You’d play with my family’s lives?” 

“This whole reign is a joke!” He snarled, his skin staining red as capillaries imploded. “You play these little games, thinking you’d actually belong in this nation, like you could actually make it anything great. Your boyfriend is a betrayer.”

Katara was moments from killing him. The man had to know. His eyes went wild and his neck strained with attempts to thrash against her hold. 

“You’re _a demon._ Your time will end, girl. This dynasty will end, even if we have to kill both of—”

And suddenly, with her gaze locked on his, she couldn’t take it. 

Her figners snapped and her wrists flicked and the man crumpled, his neck bent at an angle that looked far too odd to be natural. 

For a moment, all she heard was the blood rushing her in ears. Then, as the thunderous sound faded, Katara could make out Zuko’s laborious breaths, like he’d been the one holding a human life in his hands. 

She turned around to look at him, her blue eyes so dark they could match the midnight sky. Her voice was hallow. “The penalty for treason is death.”  

* * *

 

Zuko held his breath as Katara held the man’s life in her hands. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, and everything seemed to pass in slow motion. The man was twitching, and grinning, and it almost reminded him of his sister on that fateful night. He seemed out of it, and the way he sneered at them even as Katara twisted the very blood in his veins. 

“Kat!” Zuko shouted, but he knew that look in her eyes. It was the same look she had when she was blinded by white rage when she killed her mother’s killer. That seemed more justified. Roughing him up with bloodbending, Zuko took no issue with, but if she killed him, he’d be angry. But, he didn’t know what to do to stop her. The man threatened her family, and he’d almost taken his life. Katara was furious. 

“Katara! Stop it! Please!” Zuko yelled, walking closer to her, but something akin to fear kept him at bay. He felt guilty for being afraid, even for a moment. He knew Katara would never hurt him, but it was so eerie to watch. The man was grimacing and laughing all at the same time, and Zuko didn’t know how to address this. 

He gasped when his neck twisted and he collapsed to the floor. “Katara, no!” Zuko snapped, hitting his fist against the wall. “Why did you do that?” cried Zuko. “What the fuck, Kat?” he growled. “We needed him alive! He was our only in on these assassination attempts and intercepted letters!” Zuko hissed. “Dammit, Katara! You can’t just fucking kill people! You can’t just… kill a prisoner because you’re furious or… or afraid! You can’t do that!” Zuko screamed. “How are we going to get to the bottom of this now? How!?” Zuko yelled. 

“I can’t believe you just–” he grumbled in vexation, then he shook his head in a huff, and stormed out of the cell. 


	52. These Masks We Wear, Part 5

He likely thought she was monster. 

Katara could almost see it in his eyes as he stormed out of the cell. The gold flashed and darkened with rage, and the room warmed when he shouted. Then, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving her in the dank dimness with a lifeless body and two guards pretending they couldn’t see a thing. 

Maybe she was a monster. 

With the adrenaline fading away, she felt cold. Her fingers started trembling first, then her legs, and Katara could barely stumble from the cell to go after him. Not that he wanted her to. 

Katara called his name in the palace’s red halls, but there wasn’t any answer. The walls were dark and quiet. A door slammed somewhere in the distance and she thought it was maybe the entrance to his room— he’d hadn’t slept there in weeks. 

She stopped in the hall, dread turning her limbs to mush as she realized just how angry he was. Angry enough to close a door in her face. Angry enough to shout, to point blame, to spend a night away from her. 

Her fists clenched with irritation, then she sighed. Nothing good would come from tonight. Nothing good _had_ come from it. A man was dead and she was murderer, _again,_ and this time, Zuko had all but agreed with the man’s taunt. 

She was a demon. 

Katara let her fingers relax and turned on her heel. It was late and dark out, but the moon was full and it wasn’t like Zuko cared if she went or if she stayed. She left the palace, unsure, and afraid she’d lost him. 

* * *

 

Zuko couldn’t remember a time he was more angry at her. He’d been hurt before, upset with her, and mad, but he was furious. He couldn’t believe she let her emotions get the best of her, and took that man’s life. They needed him alive. His information was _critical_ to finding out what the hell was going on. And, she just, without even batting an eye or looking at him, killed him. 

Zuko was never one to assert his political dominance or stomp around wielding authority, or act like she ever needed permission from him for anything, ever, but this felt like a bit of a stab in the back. She didn’t even care about his opinion on it, and as fire lord, he had a duty to make that call. She went ahead and made it without even consulting him. He would have consulted her, and she showed no same regard, and these decisions rested on his shoulders to protect his people. It was his onus as fire lord, and she could have endangered that. 

Zuko slammed the door without looking back. His head was pounding. He was scared now, too. He had no lead or inkling as to what was going on now. That was gone because of Katara’s wrath. He couldn’t get information from a dead man. Now, they had nothing. What was he to do? Wait around for the next assassination attempt and hoped he got lucky again and lived it? Then hoped he was lucky enough to catch the assassin again? He couldn’t risk that, endangering others too. 

Besides, he now feared for Katara’s life and her family’s. He couldn’t let anything happen to them. He loved all of them dearly, and if anything happened, he couldn’t go on. Zuko didn’t know what to do. The last thing he’d ever wanted was to lose Katara. She was the love of his life and he wanted to marry her. But, he couldn’t do that at the expense of her life and her family’s. He had to at least give her the option, and that alone broke his heart. 

* * *

 

She was terrified of the palace the next morning, and more so, the man stalking the halls with a scowl etched into his face. 

Katara first saw him from a distance. He was whispering hurriedly with some advisor, then the man went scampering off and Zuko glared at the floor for a minute. Something in his frown made Katara think they’d been talking about her… or at least, the man she’d killed. 

She wanted to go to him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and cry about what she’d done. The nightmares had been awful, filled with Yon Rha and the assassin, her mother shouting and her bother crying for help. 

Katara supposed she should’ve gone to bed expecting that. Zuko would probably tell her she deserved it. 

She wavered in the hall for too long, unable to decide if approaching him was the best idea. Maybe she should leave. Maybe she should just pray he’d come find her by the evening. 

Before her mind could be made up, a councilwoman approached, and the young Fire Lord was pulled from the distance, into a meeting that drug on and on. Katara heard a few servants gossip about the topics— security, Water Tribe relations, _her._  

The council finally broke for the night. Zuko pushed through the doors before she could disappear, and Katara found herself frozen to the bench in the hallway, staring into painfully dark gold. 

He didn’t say anything. He still looked angry. She released a breath she’d been holding. 

“Hi…” It came out meek and afraid. Katara felt redness on her cheeks. “Can- can we talk?” 

* * *

 

Zuko was still furious at her. He had gone to bed alone, in the palace, for the first time in weeks. He couldn’t believe the audacity she had to just kill a man. He was a cruel, evil, horrid man who’d tried to kill him. Zuko knew that, but he was still angry that Katara went as far as to kill him when he was vital to their mission. 

They were then sent to a meeting together, and Zuko huffed, rolling his eyes as he stomped in. He was too irritated with Katara to focus on much, and he sat there, scowling at nothing and starting out the window. Eventually, the meeting adjourned, and Zuko dismissed everyone, and their questions about his clarity. He took a deep breath, and went for the exit where he saw his girlfriend. 

Zuko frowned, crossing his arms over his chest in vexation. “What is it?” he asked, and she told him she wanted to talk. Zuko dropped his arms at his sides with a sigh, then pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yeah… yeah, of course,” agreed Zuko, his frown settling deeper at how upset she appeared. “Come on,” he whispered, waving his hand to beckon her over. 

“Let’s get some tea and sit by the veranda, okay?”

* * *

 

Katara followed him outside, and they took their seats in a tense silence while a servant prepared the drinks for them. Zuko slurped at his, like he was trying to break the quiet, but Katara was the first to say anything. 

“I… I don’t know how to apologize,” she started, tilting her head to look at him. “I don’t even know if I’m sorry.” Katara watched his jaw clench and glanced away, searching the gardens from something even remotely comforting. 

Her gaze settled on the peonies and her eyes began watering. They’d spent so many days wandering among them, having easy conversations and smelling the pink petals. Even the rougher days, the ones that ended in tears and frustration could be mended with time among the flowers. 

Today felt different. Maybe it was the prisoner’s comment that stuck with her, maybe it was the threat to the people she loved. Deep in her chest, buried under everything she wouldn’t allow herself to feel, Katara knew the pain was abandonment. 

“He threatened my family, Zuko. Sokka and my dad…” She said their names, like it’d resonate more with him. “Even you. That man threatened to kill you all if I don’t leave, and I’ve already lost my mother to the Fire Nation… I can’t just…”

Katara could sense it, the end of everything. Somehow, some way, this man, this cause, this threat— it was going to take away everyone she loved. She sniffed as tears finally streaked down her cheeks. “I couldn’t let it happen. I couldn’t let him take the rest of my family from me.” 

* * *

 

She wasn’t sorry. Anger bubbled up in his chest when she said that. He clenched his jaw and his fist, and averted his gaze to the outstretching view of the city. He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. She wasn’t even sorry that this was going to set them back entirely in the hunt for whoever was behind trying to _kill_ him. She wasn’t sorry that she didn’t even ask him what he thought. She didn’t care about any of it or how he felt, and he couldn’t speak or else he’d snap back in fury and just prolong this fight that he hated. 

“I love them too, you know?” Zuko retorted sharply. “I care about them. I don’t want anything to happen to them, you know that. But, it was an idle threat. That man wasn’t lying- you had his life in his hands, he was telling the truth. He was bluffing, trying to make you leave or force me to abdicate,” Zuko hissed. “I would have been scared too, I get it, Kat! I would have freaked out if he threatened you or my uncle. I would’ve lost it, I know! The man was only inches away from literally killing me- inches! I know! I understand! He was awful!” Zuko shouted. 

“But, we needed him alive! We needed him to lead us to whoever is directing this! We needed that information! You didn’t even care about what I thought- and he was my prisoner! I need to protect my people, and you, and Sokka, and your dad, and my uncle, and Toph, and Suki, and Aang– everyone! Do you understand that, Kat? It’s my duty to make sure my people, and help out even for the world, are safe! Shutting down these… these terrorists makes everyone safe! I needed him alive, Katara! I can’t… one man is dead because of what these peopel are doing! An innocent, kind man… I have to go now, and speak to his family, and see his heartbroken children, and wife, and mother, and father, and brother, sisters… everyone! I have to go and give condolences and watch them weep and go to the funeral! I don’t want to keep doing that! I don’t want people dead, Katara!” Zuko yelled.

“I needed that information, and you don’t even– you didn’t even ask me! You just… killed him! You cannot just fucking kill people who make threats, Kat! I didn’t even kill my dad! I wanted to! But, Aang requested not to, so I kept it alone because I looked at the bigger picture! You let your emotions control you and you snapped, and you killed him! You can’t do that! Katara, you cannot!”

“I love you, Katara. I love you more than anything, and I hate seeing you cry. I hate it more than anything. I hate arguing with you like this… I hate it. I’m scared, Kat. I’m scared they’ll hurt you… or someone else… I don’t know… I’m afraid. I’m the fire lord, it makes sense they’ll keep trying to kill me. I know that. I accept that… but I can’t accept anyone trying to hurt you or the other people I love,” Zuko cried. “I could have maybe had a chance at stopping that, Katara… please… just– you can’t… you need to understand what I’m saying here, Kat. You cannot kill people like that, Agni… you _**can’t**_.” 

* * *

 

It was weaved in every sentence, laced with every word, the implication that she was some kind of irrational terror. Her eyes blurred on the pink peonies, turning the flowers to indistinguishable splotches as he yelled, and Katara tried to ward off the thought that he couldn’t see who she was anymore.

“I’m not a monster,” she protested, hardly above a whisper. “I’m not… I just… I didn’t mean to lose it like that. All I could see was a future where I lost my family and I wanted his to know what that felt like. If that makes me a monster then—” 

Katara grimaced and finally looked away from the flowers, her eyes focusing on the patio’s many cobblestones. She couldn’t see a way any of this would end well, either between her and Zuko, or Zuko and… whoever this new group claimed to be. It was all held together by the thinnest of strings, and she was clinging to the end. 

“I’m sorry I derailed everything,” she said honestly. “I’m sorry I’ve put you and your people in danger, but… maybe we can still keep you safe… if we gave them what they want. If I were to go home.” 

* * *

 

“Kat, love, I don’t think you’re a monster,” Zuko said, his tone softening then. “I know you were afraid- I understand,” he whispered. “Please, Kat, don’t say that. I don’t think that about you,” he urged. “I’m just frustrated. Please, try to understand,” he begged, his eyes following her gaze to the flowers.

She finally apologized and he sighed in relief. “It’s okay, Katara… I- I forgive you, I do, let’s go home, and–” he began, but she cut him off and he took a sharp intake of breath. Her words thundered in his ears, and his heart sunk. She was leaving again, she wanted to. He was going to offer it to her, for hers and her family’s safety, but the fact she suggested it stung, but not nearly as much as the fact she was leaving again did.

And for how long? Was this it? Was she ending it? Zuko’s heart was pounding in his chest and he closed his eyes, swallowing thickly as he looked back up at her. “If you think that’s best, Katara… to keep you safe, your family… you know I’ll support you… but, Kat, I love you… I-I–”

* * *

 

“I think it would keep you safe,” Katara said, “I didn’t say I think it’s _best._ What’s best… best is when I’m with you. It’s all the quiet moments we find in that little apartment by the shore. It’s all the days we’ve been able to hide away on Ember Island. It’s when we’re laughing and happy and things are easy. But, nothing’s ever easy, is it? Not for us.”

She blinked rapidly, trying to clear her eyes so she could better see his, but Zuko’s were filled all the same. “I’m the reason for this,” Katara whispered, reaching for his hand. “We got enough from that man to know that the longer I stay, the worse this will get. I- I have to go, Zuko. I—”

The words were so foreign in her mouth, so wretched and bitter tasting. This wasn’t like Jang Hui, when the three months apart had been bitter and petty. This wasn’t even like Ba Sing Se, when a kiss has solidified how they felt, but time was needed for their healing and recovery.

This was different. This was _it._ They couldn’t make any promises. They couldn’t look towards the future with even a semblance of hope, not if they wanted to secure safety for Zuko, for her family, and for her.

Katara’s chest ached as a sob welled up. “Zuko, I love you. I will always love you… and I have to leave you.”

* * *

 

He thought it would keep her safe. If it was just him, he would chance it. But, for her, her family possibly too, he felt selfish to try to stop this. The immature part of him wanted to throw himself at her and beg. He wanted to plead that she promised she’d never leave him, and to beg her not to go- not again- not forever- not at all. Zuko’s lip jutted out, quivering with the threat of tears that warmed his eyes.

What now? Would he even live? Would they kill him? Would he die alone, violently, covered in blood? Would they make him marry some noblewoman? Would Katara fall in love with someone new someday? Marry another? Bear his children? These were things so far away, but they ate at his soul already at this mere prospect. He was losing someone- again. Regardless of It being her fault or not, he was losing her. He lost everyone.

Zuko couldn’t bear it anymore and he cupped her cheeks before tugging her close into his arms. Zuko pressed his face to her neck, a prickle of tears warming her skin. “I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered. “I’m so happy with you, Kat. I wanted to marry you so much. I wanted us to have kids and grow old… it was my biggest dream… you. I love you more than anything. You’re all I want, Kat. This isn't… it’s not fair.”

He wondered if he’d see her again. Would she visit or allow him? Could they stay close? Could someday be track down these people, stop them, and see if things calmed down… would she ever want to risk a return? Would he be worth such nonsense?

He clutched her back tightly, never wanting to let go. “Will you write me?”

* * *

 

“Will my letters get to you?” She tried to force humor into it, tried to make light of how long their fight had drug on when she’d left for Jang Hui because of the enemy’s interference. If they could survive that, they could survive this, right?

That strong, hopeful side of her wanted to say yes. Katara wanted to smile, she wanted to reassure him that they’d write and visit and somehow come back together in the end. But, the laugh in her throat dissipated to a sob. 

If they’d known in Jang Hui what this enemy wanted, she doubted Zuko would’ve come back for her. He would’ve taken the noble, high road, would’ve shouldered his pain, knowing she was strong enough to carry her own, if it meant her safety.  

Katara’s heart sunk from her chest, leaving her hollow and chilled, despite the warmth rolling off of him. Her fingers trembled as she twisted his robes in her fists, but no amount of clinging to him could push away the feeling that she was losing him. 

This was it. She already knew that. She’d already warned herself of that. 

Desperate for something, for anything that could numb the agony ripping through her, Katara threw her arms around his neck, her lips crashing into his with a wild fervor. 

“One more week,” she said, her mouth brushing his, her senses overwhelmed by heartbreak, by the knowledge that she’d never feel him like this, she’d never find herself dizzy from his touch, from his scent. “It’ll take at least that long to ready everything. Just give me one more week— just us, just like this, like nothing in the world could go wrong. Please.” 

* * *

 

Zuko wanted to tell her that he feared being alone. But, that would be a selfish thing to say. He knew she needed to go. She needed to return to her tribe where it was safe and she was with her family and she was protected. So, Zuko just feigned a tight smile, and nodded at her as his eyes blurred with restrained tears.

His arms wrapped around her, and he returned her kiss like he’d never kiss her again. His heart broke when he realized he might not. Tears rolled slowly off his cheek, in spite of himself, when she pulled back. “I wish they’d just leave us alone…” he told her. “I… I wish we could go run my uncle’s tea shop in Ba Sing Se together and not worry about anything. I hate that… I wish I didn't… it doesn’t matter,” Zuko stammered.

His chest felt tight and his throat was sore, but he faced her with a smile, though he knew she could see right through his windowed eyes that his heart was absolutely broken. “One week together, in the river view house… that sounds perfect,” agreed Zuko, wiping his eye. “Nothing else… I won’t work, nothing. We’ll just spend time together, best we can.”


	53. These Masks We Wear, Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw

They made the trip from the city that night. Zuko thought leaving in the inky black would be safest, and Katara agreed; no one would know where they’d gone, save for the few guards who’d road alongside the carriage. 

The men helped Katara with her trunk when they arrived in the early morning hours. She hung back, waited for Zuko to leave a tip with his driver, and then took his hand and pulled him towards the house. 

“I didn’t know you had this place,” she commented, her gaze raking over the ivy-wrapped fence and the quaint, wooden door. The Jang Hui River ran alongside it, providing a bubbly background noise and soothing the worries in her head with its sound alone. 

Inside, there was a small kitchen, with a window that overlooked the river, a crazy couch and hearth, and a room with a bed just big enough for the two of them. The walls boasted of cute paintings and trinkets, much of them from all over the world, and Katara smiled. “This is your uncle’s, isn’t it? Does he know you’re borrowing it for the weekend?” 

* * *

 

Zuko sighed in relief as he hopped out of the carriage to the refreshing bank of the river. It sounded peaceful here, and was surrounded by trees and not much else. It was desolate, far away from everyone and civilization. They’d be safe here, Zuko was sure. He wished they could hide out here forever and she wouldn’t ever have to go. 

Zuko walked inside, hand-in-hand with Katara. The house smelled like wood and faintly of smoke from the fireplace. Zuko hadn’t been here in forever, not since his uncle took him when he was very young, before he was even banished. “Uncle won’t mind,” Zuko said with a shrug. “He’d love to hear we were getting use out of the place,” Zuko stated. 

“Do you like it?” he asked, running his hand over the stone mantle as he walked over to the kitchen. They’d packed supplies and some food and toiletries for the week in the carriage, and Zuko was glad of it. He didn’t want to risk driving into town. 

Zuko walked over to the window, and opened it wide, taking a deep breath. “We should come here more often, it’s really–” Zuko cut himself off then, growing upset when he realized his own words. He grew quiet. “I mean… I… I wish we’d came here more often, I suppose,” Zuko said with a deep sigh, his eyes trained on the panels of wood on the floor. “It’s beautiful…”

* * *

 

“We should try not to think about it.” Katara offered, a crack in her tone. She somehow managed to hold it together, since the initial realization that this week was their last, that the hours were counting down to the end. 

She wouldn’t sleep. 

She wouldn’t eat. 

She’d just be with him and look at him and memorize every inch of him until she was filled to the brim with gold eyes, black hair, and ivory skin. That’d make this hurt less, wouldn’t it? If she went back to her tribe with images of him burned into her mind?

Already, Katara felt her fingers ache with the thought of never touching him again. Her eyes burned as she watched him near the window. Her lip quivered when he caught his own between his teeth, when he turned around and forced a smile that didn’t quite push up the apple’s of his cheeks. 

Katara dropped her bag in the middle of the room and went to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “We shouldn’t think at all,” she whispered, kissing from his collarbone to his neck, “not tonight, not until I’m gone.” 

She felt her way up his back. Her fingers traveled over his shoulders and down his chest, undoing the clasps on his black cloak, untying the sash on his red and gold robes. 

“Come on,” Katara found the waistband of his pants. Her thumbs dipped in at his hips, tugged him forward so they went stumbling and kissing and crashing onto the bed. 

He held himself above her, his lips molding with hers in a needy fervor. Katara threaded her fingers into his hair, pulled him closer, then pushed his robes off his shoulders. She counted the space between his ribs and tickled down his sides, halting when he laughed into her neck and started working on her own clothes.

Her fingers worked feverishly and jerkily. She was trembling with the intangible pain of losing him, but at least, with his weight warming her and pinning her down, with her hands chasing every inch of exposed skin, Katara could pretend it was a night like any other. 

* * *

 

He didn’t know how not to think. He was a natural worrier, and he couldn’t shake the worry and the heartbreak he was facing knowing that she wasn’t coming back. In a matter of days, he’d be all alone in that enormous palace full of faces that didn’t give a damn about him. He didn’t want to ruin the last moments they had, at least for her. He wanted to do his best to cherish them, despite the heartache that seized his chest and held his heart captive. 

She held him close, and he smiled, his skin rising with goosebumps as she trailed kisses down his neck. She hadn’t been so close nor intimate since before she went away before. Now, she was going away for good. Zuko’s chest could not relieve of its emptiness. He loved the way her hands tickled his sides, and the way she touched him, and she already had him bare before her, and her kisses were entrancing enough to get lost in all day long.

Zuko’s hands ran down the silhouette of her body, and back up. He helped her pull off her skirt, taking her undergarments with it as he kissed her deeply, working next at her bindings and short top in the summer heat. “Katara,” whispered Zuko against her ear, kissing her from the corner of her mouth to her ear, nibbling there a moment before retracing his kiss’ steps back to her lips. “I don’t know how to say goodbye. I don’t want to lose you…”

* * *

 

“Then, don’t. Don’t say anything, Zuko, just—” Katara gave up helping him with the clasps on her tunic. She pulled at the fabric until it gave way under her hands, then unraveled her bindings with a sense of urgency. “Kiss me. I want you to kiss me. Here.”

She corded his hair with trembling fingers, knocking his crown loose and combing through the raven locks until they fell around his face. Then, Katara twisted her fingers into the strands, directing his mouth to her neck and her breasts.

“There,” she hissed, when his tongue followed the hollow of her throat. “Agni… that’s perfect. You’re perfect.”

Zuko lavished attention down to her collarbones, kissing around her breasts with such agonizing slowness, Katara bit her tongue to stifle the curses pouring from it. She writhed under him, clawing at his sides for his weight to land on her, for his hands to memorize her, for _something._ When his teeth tugged a nipple, when blazing fingers grazed in from her hip, when he pulled at the dark curls between her legs and laughed, Katara counted it a victory.

“More,” she pleaded. “I need more.”

His fingertips searched lower, circling her clit, then drawing long, lazy lines through wet, aching lips. _“Fuck…”_ Katara arched from the bed, her heels digging in. It’d been so long, too long— she’d been starved of his touch and the sweet bliss it could bring. “You- you have no idea how good that feels.”

She closed her eyes and let her body drift with the swell of sensations and emotions. He could make her move like the ocean, her hips restless and rolling like the waves. He could make her beg for release. Everything built in her, and built quickly— a rooted longing for him, for this, for a future they couldn’t have; a deep-seated need to forget their troubles and worries, to let it all go and just be with him, come for him.

 _“God!”_ Katara fisted the sheets violently, her back lifting from the mattress as her climax hit, fast and unrelenting. She cursed him, panted his name, and when she finally opened her eyes, Zuko was smiling like there was no better sight.

He already had her skirt and undergarments tugged away. His pants had been kicked aside at the edge of the bed before they’d tumbled together. Now, Zuko sank between her legs, the rough hair on his thighs tickling her skin, his soft, warm lips juxtaposing the rough callouses on his hands, his cock hard and heavy and hot, throbbing against her sex.

She wanted him. And if how wet, how sensitive she was didn’t give her need away, Zuko had to know by how Katara begged him. “Fuck me… please, Zuko. Just fuck me.”

* * *

Her body was a wonderland, and he wanted to remember every inch. She was tantalizing, and it had been far too long since he was able to touch her. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to touch her again after this moment. He was desperate and eager, but wanted to cherish this- cherish her. His heart ached, but his body burned. 

He kissed her all over, touching her, watching her writhe beneath him, and plead. He missed the sweet sound of her aching voice that cried his name. There wasn’t a sound as soothing as that, and he moved his fingers in tune with her moans, playing by ear. 

Zuko’s own breath trembled, and airily echoed, longing for her to touch him. “Kat… you- you’re beautiful,” he said with a laugh, his cock hard and pulsating. His skin was damp in a dew of sweat from their fervent kisses, and the thought of sinking into her. Zuko moaned as he kept kissing her neck, and all the spots he knew that made her tick. 

Zuko was breathing thickly with lust, and his eyes were lidded with the same, though the amber hues shone with a combination of love and somberness. Zuko gripped her hips, grunting as he leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes meeting hers that shone desperately with something close to the same. “Fuck,” cursed Zuko, grinding against her, feeling himself twitch with need. He laughed, kissing a line from her ear to her lips before deeply kissing her. 

“ _Fuck_ , I love you, Kat,” cursed Zuko with a thick swallow and a gasping exhale. He positioned himself over her and sank himself inside of her body. His eyes lulled to the back of his head as they fluttered shut and he moaned her name. His hands traveled up the silhouette of her voluptuous body, sliding up her arms to grip her wrists, pinning them beside her head as he kissed her, gasping in between the clashes of their lips. 

She felt tight, slick, flush against his throbbing cock, and he pulled up from her before building a rhythm, pounding into her. He pressed his hips against hers, thrusting deeply inside her, cursing her name in languid breaths, and begging to recall every featherlight touch her fingertips graced him with, praying to the spirits that this never end, or that she be blessed to safely stay at his side.  

* * *

Katara lost herself to the feel of him, how his weight pressed her into the bed and how warmth rolled off him, flooding her skin. She focused on the pleasure in her veins, made herself forget everything but the color in his eyes, the way he groaned her name, low and longing. 

It was perfect, if this was their goodbye; but she, refused to think of it that way.

Katara tightened her legs around his hips, rolling upwards into every thrust, hissing out curses as the heat in her belly tightened. She grasped at his shoulders, her eyes clenched shut and mouth hanging open in a silent plea. 

Then, “Zuko…” Katara whined, feeling her legs tremble and her entire body shake as the wave built and broke, flooding her senses. “Fuck. _Fuck—”_

His release came, too, in the wake of hers. Zuko buried his face in her neck and sighed her name again and again. When the pleasure finally ebbed away, he lifted up, smiling. A sadness lingered in his eyes though, and Katara wondered if it was mirrored in her own. 

She reached up, cupping his face for a tender kiss. “I love you, Zuko.” Katara rubbed their noses together, blinking away tears. They streaked from her eyes into her hair anyways, giving away her pain. “Don’t- don’t forget that I love you, okay? Promise me you won’t forget.” 

* * *

 

When the pleasure faded, Zuko was just left with that terrible ache in his chest. He kissed her neck, trailing there, over her jaw and lips, leaning his forehead against hers as he felt her kiss him again, and that warm feeling filled his chest as she brushed their noses. Zuko wished he never had to move from this spot. He pinched his eyes shut as he saw a tear fall from her eye, stroking it away as his own fell loose. 

“I could never, ever forget that, Katara,” Zuko whispered through a laugh, tears staining his cheek. “God, I love you _so much_ ,” he told her with the utmost sincerity. “I really thought we’d get married,” Zuko spoke, a dark chuckle escaping his lips. “I thought we’d have kids… raise them together until we were old and gray, and we had grandkids… and we could spoil them rotten,” Zuko murmured, wiping away her tears with his tender kisses. 

“I love you so much,” he spoke, “I so, so easily and so happily spent the rest of my life with you,” he choked out. “I looked so forward to it…” he murmured. “I don’t want anyone else, and I never will… but… don’t– don’t let me hold you back,” he spoke, more tears trailing his cheek. “You never would. You’d never let anything hold you back,” he said with a proud laugh. “You never do,” he stated, pecking her lips. 

“Please write me,” he asked her, nuzzling his wet cheek against hers. “And always know how much I love you… no matter what. I always will. If we don’t see each other for years, I’ll still love you… as much as I do now. If they stick me with some arranged marriage… know I wish it was you every step of the way. If the assassins kill me, know I died loving you,” he spoke, swallowing thickly. “I love you more than anything, Kat… it’s… it’s not… I just… I wish… I wish we could just leave, and go to Ba Sing Se with my uncle, I wish that this all wasn’t so fucking _unfair_.”


	54. These Masks We Wear, Part 7

They spent a week in that little cabin, not eating enough and making far too much love. If she wasn’t kissing him, she had to be touching him; and if she wasn’t touching, Katara’s heart would threaten to burst. 

They had so little time. _So little time._ That was the mantra her pulse repeated, as it sped up and made her feel dizzy when the letter from Caldera came. Her ship was ready. It was time for her to leave. 

Katara tried to imagine a different life for them during the carriage ride home. A life in which this carriage was taking them to a quiet home in the Earth Kingdom. The red and gold of this land were brown and green. They weren’t weaving through the outskirts of the Fire Nation’s capitol; they were making their way to their home on the edge of Ba Sing Se. 

It was nice daydream, but it shattered as soon as the carriage stopped. The driver opened the door and Zuko helped her out. They walked arm and arm into the palace, quiet and heavy-hearted. 

Finally, with a long sigh, Katara slowed their pace and looked up at him. “Will you help me pack? I don’t have much, but—” Tears threatened and she was forced to blink them back. “I- I leave in the morning, and I want the extra time with you.” 

* * *

 

Zuko couldn’t believe how fast the week had flown by. He never wanted to let go of her, they were always tangled up betwixt the sheets, and kissing, and at least holding hands. He couldn’t fathom them never being together again. It didn’t make sense. They both were still so in love. They both wanted the rest of the their lives together. They both wanted marriage and children. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t fair that these threatening, horrible obstacles were the thing keeping them from one another. 

Zuko’s heart was breaking the entire carriage ride, and he almost plead with the driver to turn around when they neared Caldera and Zuko helped her out, holding her forever-close. He kissed her cheek somberly, but gave her a weak smile. “Of course I’ll help you pack, love,” Zuko told her, rubbing soothing circles on her back. He swallowed thickly, looking at her with shimmering eyes. “Maybe in a few years, things will calm down,” he whispered. “Maybe you can come back then… if you haven’t moved on, and I’m not asking you to wait for me, but… if you aren’t with another or something… if you still want to… if things simmer down… always and forever, you are welcome here, Kat,” Zuko told her, pulling her into a warm embrace.

“I want every, last second.”

* * *

 

“I don’t really think I could move on…” Katara murmured, pulling him into her room with a somber breath. “I- I don’t know how people just _move on—”_ She paused, frowning at the floor as she considered it. “They clearly aren’t soulmates, if they can.” 

She wasn’t sure if that realization made her feel better or worse. Katara decided she’d rather ignore it, and cling to hope that she would be able to come back someday. 

A part of her knew that was foolish, though. With the threats building, Zuko would be asked to marry. He’d be forced to marry, really. The Fire Nation, the Sages, the future— they all needed an heir, a reassurance that the world wouldn’t collapse if the Fire Lord was lost.

How she wished it could’ve been her. How she prayed she could’ve been the one to wed him, carry his children, and love him. She would anyways— until she died. 

Katara blinked away the urge to cry and went to the dresser in her room. “I guess I can leave all the red items behind.” Her fingers grazed over the silk, stopping when she came to the worn wool of her Water Tribe clothing. “In case I come back, you know? It will still be here.” 

She pulled a few blue items out and brought them to the bed, where she sat on the edge and gestured Zuko over to her. 

“I promise I’ll write you, Zuko…” Katara took his hands in hers, “but… what if we promised to meet up in Ba Sing Se, too? No one would recognize us there, if we dressed to blend in. No one cares about two more tourists.” 

* * *

 

Everything seemed to pass in slow motion. Zuko felt like he was being melodramatic, but it felt so slow and he remembered every detail. It all hurt, but the slow pace at least allowed him to savor every moment.

Zuko took a deep breath, walking around the room. His hand ran over the vanity, and he stared at the portrait of them together that hung on the wall. This room would feel so ghosted and somber in a short time. Zuko’s eyes began to well with tears, and he took down the picture, putting it in her suitcase. “I want you to have that,” he told her, and he swallowed thickly.

He was starting to become afraid. These halls would be hollow again. They’d whisper of her echo that would never shake the corridor. Her dresses would collect dust instead of hanging over her perfect body. The crown would never befall her heart shaped head. Zuko wiped away a tear, pushing aside the incoming loneliness that was bound to consume him.

He worried how much he could take. He couldn’t ask anyone to come here. It was dangerous. He didn’t know how long he could take by himself in these dismal walls while people pressed daggers to his throat. He’d quickly become depressed, but that would be a small price to pay for the world’s safety- his loved ones’ safety.

Zuko came behind Katara, and enveloped her in an embrace. “I would love to meet you in Ba Sing Se, my love,” Zuko spoke, resting his chin on her shoulder, and turning to peck her cheek, his lips Meeting warm tears, which made him hold her tighter.

“I’ll never love anyone else. I can’t.”

* * *

 

“I know, Zuko.” She leaned into him, resting in the stillness of the room, the stillness of him while she could. “I know.” 

At least they had secret visits to cling to. They could sneak around and maintain _something_ … as long as no one knew, as long as the Sages let him remain unmarried and childless. He was only twenty-one; surely, they had time. 

Just as her mind scrambled for reassurance, it hit her that twenty-one was the marrying age in the Fire Nation. He was old enough and eligible, now that she was leaving his life for Agni knows how long. Maybe they’d have one… or two visits in Iroh’s tea shop. It would only be a matter of time before he came with a weary face and heavy footsteps to tell her with a somber tone that he was pledged to another woman.

Katara’s fingers twisted in the clothing she was supposed to folding. After a breath, she dropped it and turned in Zuko’s arms, wrapping her own around his neck, pulling him down for a deep kiss. 

Her hands ran through his hair, bunching the locks up in her grip, tugging at them, then letting go and skimming down the front of his tunic. It was simple and airy, reminding her of the casual outfit he wore around the Western Air Temple. 

She suddenly wished she hadn’t spent so much time hating him back then. She wished, as she kissed him and fisted the fabric, that she’d just forgiven him and learned to like him, learned to love him as she did now. 

Maybe… maybe she wouldn’t be losing him. Maybe this was fate’s way of punishing her, for all the cruel things she did and said back then. 

A heavy sob built in her throat, making Katara break the kiss. “I- I can’t do— I can’t _believe_ this. Why? Why does this keep happening?” She shook her head as tears welled and spilled over, splattering from her lashes to the floor. Katara covered her mouth her hands, collapsing against Zuko’s chest. 

“It’s not fair,” she cried, barely understandable. “None of this is fair. It’s not! It’s not fair!” 

* * *

 

Zuko stumbled into her kiss. He returned it deeply with aching passion, clinging to her. He couldn’t fathom the concept that he was losing her for good. He didn’t want to. Fear ran through him, wondering if this would be their last kiss like this. Zuko’s lip quivered while he kissed her, and almost in the same instant, Katara pulled back from him, heaving a sob that made his heart sink like an anchor into his stomach.

Zuko cupped her face, his tear-coated eyes meeting her own as he brushed away her tears futilely with his thumbs. “It’s not, it’s so unfair,” Zuko replied, nodding in agreement as his own tears leaked through his undamaged eye. “I don’t want you to go,” whispered Zuko. “I’m scared. I’m scared they’ll hurt you,” Zuko admitted, “But, I– I want you to stay… Katara, I’d marry you right now if you wanted,” he stated. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. You’re the only thing I’m sure of- that I’ll always love you,” he whispered. 

“You can stay, you know? If you change your mind, you can always come back. I’ll get you personal guards and security– the very best, and most trusted,” Zuko promised. “But, Agni, Kat, if you need to go, I- I understand, but it’s killing me. I don’t blame you for being afraid. I’m afraid they’ll hurt you, too. I don’t care what they do to me, but if anything happened to you… because you stayed here– for me… I’d lose my mind.”

* * *

 

“I don’t want to go. I really don’t— I’d give anything to stay here and marry you,” she whispered, wishing futilely that they could. It wouldn’t change the situation, though. It’d only make it worse. Katara sighed, “The world needs you more than it needs me and if I’m making you a target… I have to go home.” 

Katara squeezed his biceps as she said it. Then, with all the strength she could muster, she let him go. They finished her packing in relative silence, stealing kisses when they could and murmuring sweet words. It would be the last time they could do so. She savored every second of it. 

Finally, her trunks were ready and the few loose items she had went into a satchel. The staff came in to take the heavier things, leaving Katara and Zuko to follow them out into the foyer. 

Her ship was likely waiting, but Katara didn’t move. She stayed locked up in Zuko’s arms until the captain swept in, making his presence known with a polite cough. 

“My Lord, Master Katara,” the man said, “Excuse my interruption, but I must regrettably inform you of a change in schedule. The navigators informed me just an hour ago that a lunar eclipse is due in a few days— As you may know, this affects the many currents leading out of the Fire Nation’s seas, making it rather dangerous to venture out of the bay until _after_ the event passes. We will have to wait until next week, my apologies.”

* * *

 

Zuko almost told her that it wasn’t her that was making him a target. She was actually preventing more serious attacks against him. They were afraid of her. They knew the tales of her bloodbending and they were horrified of it. Coming against Katara was much more frightening than he. She was more powerful, and more unknown. She kept them off, but Zuko didn’t agree that she should go out of fear for his own life. It was hers. He was scared that they’d hurt her first, to eliminate his so-to-speak shield, and then take him out. The assassins had no interest in killing Katara, only to get to him. He would not allow her to risk her life on his behalf. That was why he agreed– she had to go. That was why he kept his lips sealed when she said the world needed him more, and the like, that it would make it worse for him. When she left, he knew he’d be at his most vulnerable. She was not making him a target, not in the least.

With a heavy heart, Zuko followed her out to say goodbye, holding tears at bay. It felt like a bad, distant dream. He helped her with her things, and they stood on the dock after kissing all day and whispered words of love. Zuko took a deep breath to compose himself, but it was then the captain spoke. Zuko had to bite his lip to hide the smile. One week wouldn’t hurt anything, would it? His heart warmed and tingled with excitement. He got a whole additional week with her. Zuko bowed to the man, “Thank you, Captain.”

He then turned to Katara. “The tides have spoken,” Zuko said with a shrug, putting a gentle hand on her lower back. “In the meantime, I’ll employ supplemental, personal security for you, Kat. I’ll make sure you’re safe. I promise.”

* * *

 

“I doubt that’s necessary, Zuko. You should hire more for yourself,” she insisted, guided by his touch back to the carriage that had brought them down to the harbor. “I’ll be fine. I’m not the one they want to kill.” 

Katara quirked a brow as they closed the carriage’s door, hoping Zuko knew that she was only teasing him. She wanted to lighten the mood, distract from the ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach. An eclipse terrified her.

The thought of enduring a single second without her bending made her uneasy. That emptiness at the North Pole still haunted her occasionally, that feeling when the water fell from her grasp and refused to respond. It scared her. 

She crossed her arms, trying to shrug it off. “You- you really should get more guards, for the night of the eclipse and after I’m gone. Don’t let anything happen to you, Zuko. I don’t think I could take it.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smirked at her comment, shaking his head, as he laughed softly. “I don’t blame them for being afraid of getting their asses handed to them by you. I know I used to be, even though I put on the cocky front,” he teased her about the days they were once foes as they hopped in the carriage together and Zuko held her hand, holding her close.

He was nervous for this week and the eclipse. He was nervous for when she left too, but as long as he knew she was safe and sound in the South, he’d be all right. He wouldn’t have to worry about someone coming after her. She’d be there, happy with her father and brother and Suki. He could rest easier knowing that.

“Don’t worry,” Zuko assured her. “Don’t worry about me. I handled things the year we spent apart, and they wanted to kill me most then,” he said with a smirk. He’d dodged more attempts than he could count, and gained himself a collection of sliced scars on his skin from all the people who tried to fatally pierce his flesh. “I think I’m going to recruit some Kyoshi Warriors. Not Suki or Ty Lee… I’d worry for them, but some others. I know they’re trained by the best, and I trust them and their skills more than some of these people… I think that will be good.”


	55. These Masks We Wear, Part 8

The handful of days between the ship’s delay and the eclipse saw a dozen new faces arrive at the palace. Zuko had sent for all Kyoshi Warriors within a two day ride from Caldera, and he’d hired a number of men from the White Lotus, fortifying the halls with people he trusted to keep himself and Katara safe. 

At her suggestion, Zuko also had the solar eclipse bunker prepped with food, bedding, and only the most essential staff. Only the nobility of the Fire Nation new of the bunker’s existence, as they’d stayed there on the Day of Black Sun, thanks to Azula’s warning. Katara thought it would be the safest place for them. 

The couple was due to move in that morning, as the eclipse was less than sixteen hours away. It’d happen just before midnight, lasting a total of seven minutes, according to the palace’s experts. 

Seven minutes, Katara told herself, seven minutes without her bending. She could handle that. It would be easy than the last time, because this eclipse was natural and it would end— there weren’t any unknowns. 

She was thankful for Zuko, because he knew what it was like. He’d been through those helpless minutes too, feeling like his life had been sucked away against his will. He was sympathetic to her nerves and it calmed her. 

Finally, everything was ready, and the guards scheduled to post outside the bunker closed the heavy metal doors. Katara watched as the Kyoshi Warriors locked them in from the inside. The women spread out then, taking up positions at different places in the bunker, while the White Lotus patrolled the stone halls restlessly. 

Katara grabbed Zuko’s hand. “Come on,” she said, tugging him towards the room that would serve as theirs for the night. “There’s no reason to stand here and fret. We’ll be safe. And…” she took on a playful tone, “we finally have an excuse to hole up in bed for the entire night.”

* * *

 

Zuko didn’t know why, but he had an eerie feeling about the eclipse. He remembered the eclipse so well– when it temporarily stripped him of his bending. Not only that, but he felt weaker. He felt drained and lethargic, but still gathered the strength to confront his father, strategically planning it as not to get fried alive. Eclipses unsettled him for that reason, too. It took him back to that horrible day. He acted so cool and collected, or so he hoped he appeared, but inside he was trembling and shaking.

He hoped Katara didn’t feel that way entirely. He knew she’d be nervous, but he hoped it wouldn’t be as horribly awful. He tried to make some light of it, and prepared snacks and teased of sex in the bunker excitedly. Finally, when the day came, Katara seemed more or less fine, and he held her hand as they walked down to the bunker. 

“We have to pass the time somehow,” teased Zuko, pecking her cheek as he rubbed her back. “Are you nervous?”

* * *

 

“A little,” Katara murmured. She followed Zuko into their bedroom, where his favorite tea steamed and her favorite books waited. Katara closed the door quietly, locked it, then stood with her back against the metal for a moment. “I… I’m more afraid of that feeling… being completely defenseless and helpless.” 

She looked down at the floor, watching the toes of her boots with sudden feigned interest. “You can’t even sympathize with that completely,” she said. “I don’t been to put your experience down, but—” 

Katara swallowed and left the room’s entrance. Zuko had settled on the edge of the bed, his eyes on her with gentle attentiveness. She climbed onto the mattress beside him, curling up against his chest when Zuko opened his arms for her. 

“—You’re a swords master,” Katara whispered, her words muffled by his clothing. “You can fight without bending just as well, if not _better_  than you fight with bending. That’s not something I ever learned. I’d just run and hide when I was little girl. I’d run and hide just like I’m doing now.” 

* * *

 

Zuko smiled at her, pulling her close against his chest as she shared her worries with him. “You’re quick with hand combat, too,” Zuko assured her, “You’re also smart as hell, don’t be so quick to count that out,” he told her, kissing her forehead. “Besides, you have me… I’ve got my swords and my bending,” Zuko explained, “I know full well that it’s me who’d be more likely to need the protecting from you, but for these couple of minutes just trust me, Kat. Let me protect you, okay?” he urged, kissing her temple. 

“I promise it’ll be okay. This is still only if– and if something happens. I don’t think anything bad will happen, okay?” murmured Zuko. “But, if someone does somehow break into our walled-up, stone fortress underground to come for us, I’ll make sure you’re unharmed, Katara. I’d give my life to make sure you were unharmed. I promise nothing will happen to you. Don’t worry,” he reassured her, kissing her once more as he rubbed her back. 

“Try to relax. We’re safe and sound in here, and we have an excuse to do absolutely nothing but relax until the eclipse is through.”

* * *

 

She took his advice to heart, as best she could, for the remainder of the day. Without the sun or any windows to give away time, the hours passed quickly, full of card games and light naps between moments of restless kisses and playful squeals. They might not have forever, not anymore, but Katara and Zuko took it upon themselves to use up what they did have, to fill the time with nothing but happiness. 

Katara guessed it was dark out when they left the bedroom later. The light snacks were no longer enough to hold them over, so they wrapped up in silky robes, blushed their way around the White Lotus, and ventured to the kitchen on the far end of the bunker. 

“How much did you have to pay the guards to convince them to stand around while we have a marathon of sex and food?” Katara laughed, sliding into a cozy breakfast nook with Zuko at her side. She jabbed him with her elbow. “I can’t imagine this is what they planned on… embarrassment and boredom.” 

He smirked, and shortly after, they were served a course of roasted duck and lo mien, along with wine and more tea. Katara thanked the staff, then turned to Zuko as she swallowed a mouthful. “Do you think anything will happen? Up above, I mean. No one knows we’re down here, not even the nobles… I wonder if the rebels will make a move.” 

* * *

 

Zuko couldn’t say he particularly minded this banishment. He had Katara, food, liquor, a comfy bed, and nothing to do but laugh, eat, drink, and have sex. If they weren’t so frightening, he’d want the eclipses to come around more often.

He laughed at dinner, cozily huddled at Katara’s side, still without a shirt from their prior activity. “They’d rather be down here I think,” Zuko said with a laugh, but that lead her next worried inquisition.

Zuko swirled the red wine in his glass, then sighed. “They may come looking for us,” Zuko admitted. “They’ll want to try to kill me while you’re not around to protect me,” Zuko said with a small smirk. “They’re terrified of you, rightfully so as your enemy,” teased Zuko.

“But, I’m sure they’re going to try to do t stealthily. I trust the Kyoshi Warriors. I don’t think anyone will be harmed. I’m fully confident we won’t. They’ll never be able to get in here,” Zuko assured her. “Don’t worry, love. You’re safe here- then you’ll be off home, and no one will bother you then. You’re safe, I promise,” Zuko whispered, taking her hand and giving it a tender squeeze.

* * *

 

“I know,” Katara smiled, nuzzling into his side to ward off the bunker’s chill. He put an arm around her as they ate, warming her quicker than the wine could. “I have you and a dozen guards down here… like I said, it’s the emptiness that scares me. But, I’ll be fine.” 

She nodded at her own statement, forcing confidence and affirmation across her face. She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in her stomach. Knowing the eclipse was coming made it all worse… It was better here, though, than at sea where she’d be alone and surrounded by strange men. 

Katara wrote away her worries as simple apprehension, and slowly worked on the plate of duck in front of her. She washed it all down with swigs of wine, happily buzzed when the meal was finished and Zuko helped her from the table. 

They wandered from the kitchen around the bunker, arm in arm, trying to walk off their too full stomachs and dizzy heads. Katara hadn’t seen the entire thing anyway, so the tour was fun, even if all she really focused on was Zuko’s laugh and the way the wine tasted on his lips. 

A while later, in the largest hallway that attached to all the apartments, the Fire Lord’s throne room (because Ozai had deemed that entirely necessary when he built the place), and the main doors, Katara and Zuko were interrupted by a member of the White Lotus.

“Sir, my Lady… the eclipse is due within the hour.” The guard waved an arm up the hall. “If I may, I’ve been asked to escort you back to your chambers. We can best secure that area until the eclipse has passed.” 

* * *

 

Zuko was nervous. This sort of event was always unsettling, but he was confident. Zuko knew they would be all right. He walked arm-in-arm with his girlfriend to their chambers, following the guard. The corridors seemed darker now, colder, and Zuko held Katara even closer then, kissing her cheek, “it’ll be all right,” he spoke, then walking into their dimly lit room.

Zuko locked the several concrete locks in their chamber, leaving just the two of them, locked up and secure in the room. He smiled at her, walking over to her, and wrapping his arms around her, and linking his hands at the small of her back before pecking her lips. “We’re safe,” he promised, brushing his nose against hers before pulling away. 

The fire lord then walked over to the little fire place, prodding at the logs in the dying ember. Zuko picked up some logs and threw them into the fireplace, then lighting the fire with his bending, he was still crouched down, and brushing his hands together to get the charred dust off his hands. When Zuko looked up, he gasped audibly at the sight. 

It was Mai. She was standing right there in the corner, wearing a cool smirk. “Zuko, how come you never took me down here for a romantic getaway? Still have great taste in romantic evenings, I see. Makes sense why loopies stays with you.”

* * *

 

She was all too aware of the moon. Even this far below ground, this tucked away and hidden, Katara knew it was full. Her blood stirred faintly, now that she focused on the subtle power, and her body responded with a sense of ease to the familiar beat thudding in Zuko’s chest. 

Sixty beats a minute. One every second, she counted. Faster than normal for him, but Katara knew fear had to be factored in. He was scared for her, which made Katara’s face warm, and her thoughts wandered off, imagining the dozens of other heartbeats she’d memorized— 

How it pounded his sternum when they sparred. How it was lazy and languid in the mornings, as they sipped tea and read together. How fast it would build to a thunderous race when they tumbled between silk sheets. How it would slow under her cheek when the moment faded away. 

She smiled softly to herself, watching him stoop over the hearth and start a fire. Maybe, if her head hadn’t been filled with all the different ways his heart could beat for her, Katara would’ve sensed the monotonous pulse in the room’s shrouded corner. 

_“Mai.”_

Katara started, her pulse speeding up and drowning out Zuko’s. His had to be as fast as hers, as worried. She had a split second to make a decision, either to go for the waterskin on the chair beside the bed or for the door, where the White Lotus waited outside. 

“How?” Katara’s eyes flicked towards the bolts, drawing Mai’s attention. “How did you even get in?” 

“I wouldn’t,” the woman sneered. Sharp, silver edges gleamed in the firelight as Mai pushed back her sleeves. “I’ll have a dozen darts in your back before you can take a single step.” 

Katara snapped her gaze back to Mai’s, her jaw setting. She still had minutes, maybe more, before the power over blood and water was ripped from her. Katara forgot the door. She forgot the water, too, taking up a bending stance. 

“I’ll have you on the ground bleeding out of your ears before you can blink.”

“Sure…” Mai smiled, such a serenely vile smile. “If you can manage that before a dagger lands in your boyfriend’s chest… if you can mange that before the eclipse starts.” The grin on Mai’s face turned to a sneer, and she looked at Zuko. “I don’t get it, Zuzu. I really don’t get it. You’d invite something like _that_ into your bed, but a woman of proper status and breeding— don’t tell me you feel nothing for me. Don’t tell me you don’t lay awake at night, wishing for me back, wishing you hadn’t betrayed your _entire nation_ by fucking such a barbaric wench.” 

* * *

 

Zuko dropped the little, brass shovel he was using to clean the ash in the fireplace. His heart thundered in his chest. He was rendered speechless in fear as Katara shot back and forth snappy retorts with Mai. He was terrified that Mai was going to hurt Katara. Why was she here? Was she here out of some jealous fury? Was she going to kill Katara over that? How did she even get in here? 

Zuko slowly stood up, raising his hands up in a peaceful, wary defense and surrender to whatever she wanted in exchange for Katara’s life. “Mai, please, what do you want? Just tell me. Don’t hurt Katara, please,” Zuko begged, as Mai then turned to him with a smirk, and dragged Katara down into the dirt, making Zuko’s blood boil, but he kept silent. He was afraid if he spoke, she’d dl something unspeakable.

“Mai… what do you want?” Zuko asked again, trying to stay calm, but he was shaking. His hands were shaking, his breath was shallow, he was panicked inside. How did she get in here? He had so much security? He promised Katara she would be safe. He promised her. He would not allow Mai to make him a liar. Katara would go home– in one piece, safely and soundly. Zuko was going to do anything to ensure it. He’d die in here if he had to.

Mai smirked, laughing, “You still don’t get it, Zuko. You never _do_ ,” she quipped, tapping her finger to the top of her stiletto blade with a smirk. “I don’t actually give a turtleduck’s derriere about that exotic whore you’ve made your personal concubine,” Mai added coolly. “Your reign is a disaster. It’s sending my father to the ground.”

“I tried to help him!” Zuko shouted. “I offered him numerous positions! He refused to work for me out of loyalty to my father, Mai! I wanted to help you and your family!” he insisted. “I still will!”

“It’s too late, Zuko. You’re a mess. You’ve always been a mess. You were a horrible boyfriend, and this glorified concubine must only want you for your power and money and prestige, just like you only want her for sex, though, you rejected me every chance you could get,” She scoffed bitterly. “You’re so worthless as a person, Zuko. Yet, you thought yourself too good for me. You stoop to a whore from an ice hut, but think I’m too low,” she spat. 

“Mai, God, just tell me what you want,” Zuko begged, sweat coating his skin in anxiety. He kept glancing to Katara in fear, praying that the spirits would let her out of this alive and well. He’d do anything. “Mai, I can still firebend–”

“Shut up, Zuko. You do anything to me, and I’ll kill that bitch before you could spark one flame,” she shouted, throwing a knife into the ground where it broke the concrete, and Zuko flinched, making Mai smirk proudly. 

“Don’t hurt her, God, please, please don’t touch her. Tell me what you want,” Zuko cried desperately, ready to lower his pride and get on his knees.

“Just insist that she go over in the corner, because I still need her here as collateral against you, and tell her not to move or speak, and I won’t harm her. I have no reason or interest. I came with a purpose to accomplish something for a reason. I don’t do things for no reason, you know I hate doing anything. I hate doing this, truthfully, but my father needs me to. This country needs me to,” Mai explained, collected and calculated as always. No wonder Azula always liked her.

Zuko felt like throwing up. She was going to kill him. He was shaking like a leaf, and his skin was sallow, the blood drained from his face. He wondered if she’d make it painful, or if she’d have mercy and do it quickly. Would uncle take the throne? Would he fight for it? Did Mai know or care that it wouldn’t be his father on the throne? What was her cause? Zuko was a loyal leader to his people, but Katara was his Achilles’ Heel. He’d give up literally anything and everything for her.

He turned to Katara and nodded, “Kat, just… just listen to Mai, o-okay? Please, love.”

* * *

 

Every second they spoke, Katara stayed still. That seemed to be what Zuko wanted; maybe he was hoping for some peaceful resolution, or one that wouldn’t result in her being killed. He pleaded for her, disregarding himself.

_           ‘Please don’t touch her. Tell me what you want.’ _

Katara knew Zuko would give up his life for her, if it came to that. But he couldn’t see what Mai was doing. He couldn’t see that for every minute wasted, the eclipse was getting closer and closer. 

The power was already slipping away from her. She couldn’t get a handle on Mai’s blood. She couldn’t even feel Zuko’s heartbeat, despite being forever aware, forever attuned, to the steady, solemn beat. She wouldn’t be able to heal him. 

Katara said his name apprehensively, “Zuko?” when he ordered her to a different part of the room. “No…” She shook her head, more in disbelief than defiance, but Mai took it as the latter. 

Silver flashed in Mai’s fingertips. Katara watched the slender woman tense, and she didn’t know exactly who the target was… until she saw Mai’s flat brown gaze flick to _him._

It took a single breath for Katara to make her choice. 

She wondered if this was what Zuko thought, that time beneath the comet when he ran and jumped and crashed to the ground to save her. Katara wondered if he took the leap on blind faith alone, or if his thoughts echoed hers:

_The world needs him more than me. They need him. He’s better than me._

Katara darted for him, just as Mai threw the blades. She slammed into him, knocking them both to the ground with a desperate cry. For a long moment, the jar of the fall hurt the most— 

Until her mind wrapped around the searing pain between her shoulder blades. Until her lungs shuddered for a breath and the back of her tongue tasted like iron and salt. Until she coughed and bright red blood splattered Zuko’s shocked face and Mai’s twisted laugh filled the room. 

“Don’t worry, Zuko,” the woman crooned. “You’ll join her soon.” 

* * *

 

Zuko’s head flicked over quickly, barely seeing Mai’s arm raise to throw her blades and end his life when Katara was in front of him. Then, he was on the ground. It was all in slow motion, but fizzled by in a blur of screaming colors entangled in screams and vivid emotion. Zuko fell back, his eyes were wide in desperate horror. His brain was yet to process what had just happened. His chest was heaving in pure terror, and he longed to _scream_. 

“ _ **Kat**_!” Zuko shouted, “Agni… _Kat_ ,” Zuko choked out, his breath coming out in rapid pants, he was shaking worse than before, and he was still numbly shocked as her blood covered his face and chest, and he held her close and steady tears rolled from his eyes. But, before he could do anything, hold her close, or scream, or get help, or lose his mind, Mai was standing before him with another dagger. He realized he couldn’t tend to Katara until Mai was taken care of. 

Zuko tried to gently place her down, but time was of the essence. Zuko rushed up, staggering to collect his emotions of sheer need. His adrenaline was kicking in, and rage was fueling his firebending once more. Zuko shot a jolt of fire at her, to which she dodged, and Zuko chased after in fury. 

“I didn’t want that to happen, Zuko. I was really going to adhere to the deal,” Mai spoke sincerely with a shrug. “She did that, not me.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Zuko shouted, blasting another fist of fire before pulling out his duo swords, lacing them with flames as he clashed them against a knife of Mai’s. He swept her then off her feet with firebending, and pointed the flaming sword at her neck. Mai lied there, trembling. Now it was she begging for mercy, and his rage he almost didn’t bestow it. But, Zuko was soft, and at least, didn’t want blood on his hands. He’d put her to trial, execute her properly. 

Zuko screamed. He screamed for the guards to come take her away after he knocked the knife from her hands. They instantly came rushing over, appalled and horrified by the grisly sight they were met with. But, Zuko only saw Katara, and as soon as Mai was apprehended, he ran to her while choking out a sob. 

“Katara!” cried Zuko, falling to his knees and pulling her into his lap, holding her close. He kissed her forehead and temple, sobbing. “Spirits, no, no, no, no… no,” Zuko choked out, peppering her head with kisses. “Agni, what do I do… what do I do… shit, shit… what do I do,” Zuko panicked. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I promised to protect you and I didn’t, fuck, fuck… fuck, I’m so sorry,” cried Zuko. 

“Okay, okay…” Zuko spoke, lifting her up into his arms bridal style before gingerly lying her on the bed. It didn’t feel real. He felt like a ghost drifting through a stranger’s nightmare. “I’m going to help you. I’m going to get help. You– You’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Oh my God… fuck, Kat… shit, Kat, why? Why did you do that? Why did you…? She was going to stab me– it… it was thrown at me? Why would you…? Katara, why did you do that?” Zuko sobbed, his face covered in tears, red, bleary, and splotchy. He couldn’t believe Katara all but gave her life for him. He couldn’t fathom why she would do that for him. Was it for him, or the world? Was it because he had no heirs? The political discourse that would then ensue? He could understand her noble, global, sacrificial effort, but he wanted to scream. The world be damned- he was trying to protect _**his world.**_

Zuko’s lip trembled, and he started sobbing loudly again, unable to restrain it. He couldn’t lose her. She could not die. That wasn’t an option. He refused to accept or even go down such a road. Zuko used his sheets to try to stop the bleeding, and held it close to her wound, pressing his cheek gently to hers as he whispered to her soothing, loving nothings and reassurances and promises. “I love you. I love you so much. You’re the best girlfriend in the world. You’re the best daughter, sister, and friend. I love you. I love you more than anything, Katara. It’s going to be okay. I’m going to get the doctor. It will be fine, okay? I’m going to be right here. I’m staying with you. I won’t move an inch without you,” Zuko choked out, his face glistening with tears as he called desperately with a croaky, throaty scream for the doctor. 

Zuko felt like he was dying, when it was really her. This was worse than dying. He remembered the feeling of encroaching death at the agni kai. This was millions of times worse. This was far worse than anything he’d ever previously encountered.

* * *

 

It was worth it, Katara thought, dying this way. She’d saved him, and in a way, she’d saved the world. Her life for his— he deserved his life. He was kind and tenderhearted; honorable in every sense of the word. 

She could hear him talking, worrying over her. She willed her eyes to stay open, but then his voice faded into the distance, and Katara no longer cared. If his golden eyes weren’t filling up her vision, what was the point?

What was the point of anything?

She was cold… and facedown in a wet, sticky mess. The red puddle spread beneath her, fanned out like a dark painting, trickled up to tickle her cheek and soak into her hair. 

That made her feel heavy. And happy. So strangely _happy._  

Warning bells in her head screamed not to be. She should be clawing or fighting. She should be clinging to the tendrils of life. But, Katara couldn’t move. She couldn’t so much as protest when warm arms lifted her from the pool of her own blood and carried her to soft, satin sheets. 

The warmth left again. A shout followed. 

There was clamoring and scuffling, fabric tearing and someone sniffling. 

Cold air hit her upper body and Katara thought the torn clothing may have been her own. Then, wetness dripped across her cheeks and Katara wondered if the sniffling meant tears were being shed. Who would cry for her?

She couldn’t figure it out. A myriad of hands grabbing at her, rolling her to her stomach, dragging down her back made Katara forget the problem at hand. Someone touched between her shoulder blades and all the agony reignited. She wanted to thrash, to yell—

A woman did it for her. “You fucking moron!” The mattress jostled and the voice grew louder, carrying authority. A palace healer. “Those knives were the only thing keeping her from bleeding out!” 

“Can’t she heal herself?” The moron argued, his voice gruff and confused. The healer snapped back. 

“Does she look like she can heal herself?” Katara wanted to argue that she could, but her lungs wouldn’t work. Her eyes refused to open. The woman growled. “Get these guards out. Get them out! Lord Zuko, please—”

Was he the one crying over her? 

“—Hold this.” Metal clanged. The clinical sounds of well-practiced hands ruffling through medical tools, worried sighs, and held breaths filled the room’s atmosphere. “And this.” Her skin felt like it was being ripped away. Katara told herself it was just the gauze and the sheets, because moments later, alcohol seared the wounds and fingers struggled to pull the edges together. _“Fuck.”_

The woman cursed again. “Agni… _fuck._  There’s so much—” 

 _Blood._ Katara could taste it in her mouth. She could feel it dribble from her parted lips to the sheets pressing against her cheek and leak down her sides with every breath. She sensed her heart straining and searching, pleading for more blood and more oxygen. The rapid beat was only making it worse. 

“Help me,” the healer demanded. “Lord Zuko, _help me_. You can stop this. It’s emergent and brutish…. You can stop the bleeding, Zuko! If you want to save her— _please.”_

* * *

 

Zuko felt like everything was going in slow motion. His hands were trembling, and he felt like he was on the outside, looking in. Zuko took a deep breath, but it was no use. He was pacing around the room, as if he could run and that would fix something. He wanted to scream, maybe if he screamed enough, it’d heal her. Zuko felt antsy and frantic. He felt the need to do something. He was so desperate it was like he was trying to outswim a flood. He kept flailing his arms, getting higher and higher, but the water kept rising and the ceiling was only so high. Zuko was making his own flood, too. His tears could flood the whole palace. 

He was a train wreck. He wasn’t good at staying calm. He’d never been good at concealing how he felt in a high stress scenario. He couldn’t just watch her bleed and bleed, and remain calm. Not when it was her: not Katara, he couldn’t calm watching this. Zuko numbly watched the healer and guard bicker. It didn’t feel real, seeing all this blood ooze from his girlfriend. He started to feel nauseous, and was sure he was going to hurl until the healer demanded he help. Zuko looked at her like she was mad.

He walked over, and knelt to Katara’s level, pressing his forehead to hers, leaning his cheek then against hers as he whispered that he loved her, and his tears wet her skin, and blood smeared his. “I don’t know what you mean… God, what do you mean? How can I stop it? I don’t _understand_!”

_     ‘I don’t understand!’ _

* * *

 

What was there to understand? 

She was dying. Katara wanted to point out how simple that was.

The sheets beneath her were soaked with blood; the tattered edges of her robe, too. She couldn’t see the red, but she could feel it. She could smell it. Her heart was already racing. Soon, it’d give out. It’d strain and fret and _break_ from the lack of life in her veins. 

It’d hurt for a minute, while her body fought off death with one last valiant, adrenaline-fueled effort. She’d gasp and scream. She’d _cry._ But no pain could be worse than this. It couldn’t be worse than a healer stabbing a needle through her skin. It couldn’t be worse than the tears falling from the eyes of the love of her life. 

_         ‘I don’t understand!’  _

She really didn’t, not anymore. How was this fair? How could the world force her to leave him like this? 

Black and red colored the back of her eyelids. Katara couldn’t make herself search for answers anymore.  Warmth spread through as she choked on a ragged breath, fresh blood bubbling up and coating her tongue, her lips, her fingers that curled up beside her face. 

“Goddammit.” 

It must’ve been a lot of blood to warrant such a harsh curse. Or maybe she was going pale. Perhaps, the healer could see just how close Katara teetered to that _bliss_ all dying men spoke about. 

“Your majesty, I will say this once—” The healer was practically hissing, now. It grated Katara’s nerves. She wanted quiet. She wanted darkness. “—before I call a guard back in here to do it for me as I am not a firebender.. seal the wounds, Lord Zuko.”  

The needle and thread ripped from her skin, yanking Katara back from that endless, black edge, making her focus on the agony once again. 

“I’ll show you where, tell you when….” The healer’s fingers searched through the swamp of blood covering Katara’s back, finding the well of blood created by one of the three daggers. “Here—” A pause. The woman’s fingertip tapped delicately. “If you want to save her life… start cauterizing the wound.”

* * *

 

Zuko felt panicked, his breath paced, and he looked back and forth from the healer to Katara. He was a second away from having a panic attack or puking or both, but Katara needed him to pay attention. Apparently, there was something he could do. Zuko looked at the healer desperately and terrified. She spoke to him as if he was stupid, but he didn’t even care. Nothing mattered but Katara. Zuko stared at her, his eyes wide, mouth ajar in horror, shaking his head, and nodding. 

“Shit,” Zuko cursed, his hand over his mouth as tears fell. He worked to wipe them away as they multiplied over his face. He needed to reel himself in. He had to calm down– now. “Fuck… you… you want… you want me to burn her?” Zuko spoke, his question rhetorical. He knew. He knew of the old practice. It was used in war, recently too. He’d never done it. He would never have the courage to sear another human being’s skin so brutally. He watched fire scorch his own face and had to look at the remnants of that every morning. He felt the flames singe his skin, embedding in his flesh in an inferno of hellish agony. Here, the Spirits played a cruel game of irony. He had to char his girlfriend in order to salvage her life. 

“God… shit… fuck, fuck, okay– okay… fuck, I- I’ll do it, shit,” Zuko cursed, his hands covering his face as he forced himself to splutter his breath, sobs, and tears into a mangled cry before nodding, residing himself to a poised stature. He leaned to Katara,  his lips on her ear. 

“I love you. I love you so much. This is going to hurt like a bitch, and I am so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you too. But, I’m going to now. I promise. It– It’ll be okay. I– I’m sorry, shit, I’m so sorry, Kat. I love you so much,” Zuko whispered in her ear, a final tear dripping off his chin and on her ear before he pulled back. He stood over her, his hands shaking near where the blood gushed from the knife’s gash on her back. 

Zuko sprouted a flame in his hand, looking at where the woman pointed. He wanted to hurl, but brought his hand closer, over the bleeding wound and he grimaced before taking the flame to her skin. His free hand clutched hers, giving her some support, and something to hold. No one knew better than Zuko how excruciatingly fire fucking _hurt_. 

* * *

 

Katara was clinging to the edge of reality— _or was it insanity?_ — silently cursing the spirits that kept her there. The waves of pain were excruciating with every breath, mind-numbing with every exhausted exhalation. 

She wanted to die. Her body wouldn’t let her. 

What the hell was holding her here?

Voices trickled in and out, tickling her psyche, keeping her thoughts from fading out, making her brain fret over the pronunciations and iterations she couldn’t understand. All she could make out— The raspy, sorrow-filled voice, that was Zuko. The other, the urging, worried, tense tone, that must be the healer. 

Katara wished she could open her eyes, but whatever power refused her the bliss of death, refused her any power over her limbs. She was forced to listen, to submit, to whimper and shake under the fingers that danced across her back and dug into the wounds. 

A second later, and the fingers were gone. The healer was snapping at Zuko and he was crying against her ear. 

_          ‘I am so fucking sorry. I’m sorry.’ _

Were they letting her die? Finally. 

She might’ve feared the darkness before, but now—

Her breath came in gasps. Her heart raced with fresh adrenaline, flooding her system with a strange sense of peace and heat. Until… the black never came and the light staining her eyelids brightened, flickered, bled yellow and orange like fire.

_No._

The word didn’t make a sound. Katara wanted to claw at her throat, to rip her vocal chords from the hollow below her chin if that would allow her to shout. She knew what was coming and she couldn’t stop it; she wouldn’t pass out. 

_When it happens…._

She grit her teeth, thrashed on the bed, praying as her eyes snapped open and struggled to focus on the blur of colors: 

 _Maybe when it happens, when he does it… Maybe she would slip away then._  

But, she didn’t. 

Something worse than a thousand daggers, than a bed of nails, than that searing warmth that comes after falling in the icy waters of the South… a pain worse than it all combined tore any semblance of sanity from her mind. 

White hot fire flared between her shoulder blades. The bittersweet smell of burning human flesh seared her thoughts. There was yell—

“No! _**No!!!**_ **”**

Then, someone whimpered. It was a pathetic, keening sound, like a hundred deaths would be better than this.

“Please…”

The healer’s voice drowned it out, telling whoever was crying that it’d be alright, telling whatever was bringing such torment to do it again. 

Another begging whine:

_**“Please!”** _

When the fire touched her for the second time, Katara recognized the desperate screams. The voice was her own. 

“Let me die. Just let me die. Zuko, let me die.” 

* * *

 

It took one to know one, that was what they always said. That was how Zuko recognized the plea for death in those bright, beautiful, big, blue eyes he loved so. He knew the usually dance of zest, or at least a crinkling rage or dazzling sadness that broke his heart. This was more heartbreaking than anything imaginable, and he refused to let her go. She deserved a full life. He was going to ensure she lived fully, even if he was losing his mind. 

He was burning the love of his life. He was living out his greatest fear, and marring her skin. He was causing her such pain, and making her scream and beg while he incinerated her flesh. It was just like what his father did to him. It was just like when he himself begged and screamed on his knees for his father to stop burning him, but he wouldn’t. He kept doing it. Zuko kept burning the woman he loved, even while she screamed blood-curtailing screeches for mercy. 

Zuko smelled it too. It sent him back through anamnesis to that day his whole life turned to shit. The pain. The horror. The screaming. Zuko was inflicting all of that upon Katara, the woman he loved. His chest felt tight with panic. It was all too much. He was losing her through violence in a grotesque fashion, and the only thing he could do to save her was to make her suffer. She was begging him to stop, and he wasn’t. 

Zuko’s breath became short and quick in a panic as tears washed over his cheek like a coating. Zuko’s stomach was in an anxious, taut knot. His hands were shaking as he pressed his own flame to his girlfriend’s skin. He began to break down, looking over at the healer desperately, moving the flame. “I can’t… I- I can’t!” Zuko cried, looking at her as he uglily sobbed to her. “I love her! I love her, I- I can’t! I can’t! She’s– She can’t! She can’t die! But, I- I can’t! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” Zuko wept, a shaking mess until his face was met with a sudden slap by the healer. 

She quickly retracted her hand in horror of what she’d done. She’d just slapped the fire lord clean across the face, and Zuko was surprised, but he looked at her with a nod, taking a deep breath. He pulled in his upper lip, and nodded in a firm resolution to save her life. “I can, and I will,” Zuko stated much more coolly, swallowing thickly as he turned his attention back to Katara. The wound was gnarly and Zuko tried to tell himself she needed this. This pain would save her life. 

“Katara, my love, my beautiful, sweet, Katara, I am so, so, so sorry, love,” Zuko choked out, “This is the only way to stop the bleeding. I know how badly it hurts. I’m sorry, my love,” Zuko whispered again before once more fusing the flame to her flesh. 


	56. These Masks We Wear, Part 9

She faded eventually, slipping into a place of fiery dreams somewhere between the second and third time relentless hands seared her skin. The following hours and days passed by, unbeknownst to her. The palace healers filled the time with careful cleanings, watching the burns for infection, keeping Katara hydrated. Letters were sent to every corner of the world, calling for her family, for Iroh, and Aang. 

Sokka and Suki were the first to come, followed by Hakoda. Her father took over many of the palace’s needs. He made sure Zuko stayed fed, too, as the young Fire Lord wouldn’t leave Katara’s room in the infirmary for anything, not even the council calling for briefings. 

Hakoda went to them, told the men what they needed to hear, and helped along day-to-day business while his daughter healed and his future son-in-law— he guessed that’s what Zuko was to her, what Katara was to him— watched over her lifeless frame. 

When he left that day’s meetings, however, Hakoda had news that he hoped would bring a lightness to Zuko’s demeanor. 

“The council misses you, my Lord,” Hakoda said when he returned to the infirmary. “However, they are happy with me for now, and…” He produced a letter from his pant pocket. “A message came from your eastern fleet. Your uncle has sent word that he’s on his way with Aang. He’ll be here in a matter of days.”

* * *

The Fire Lord was a mess. He hadn’t moved from Katara’s room in the entirety she’d been ill. Zuko just paced around the room, or he sat beside Katara’s bed in a wooden chair. He would always hold her hand, his own trembling with nerves. He couldn’t lose her. He was mortified of losing her. He refused. He refused to even consider such a possibility.   
  
Zuko would have joined Katara in a hospital bed if it weren’t for Hakoda. Hakoda brought Zuko food, and kept Zuko up to date on things in the palace. Zuko couldn’t think about anything besides Katara and her wellbeing. He was grateful that Hakoda could be brave and step up where he was shortcoming. Sokka and Suki also stood behind him, helping him through this horrible time while trying to muddle through themselves.   
  
Zuko didn’t even sleep. Sometimes he dozed off from sheer exhaustion with his head on her hospital bed and him in that wooden chair. He refused to leave her, not even to bathe. His unscarred eye sunk with bags beneath his eye, and both were blearily red from exhaustion and tears. Zuko spent all his time pleading with the spirits to spare her.   
  
Zuko hardly noticed when Hakoda entered the room. He wearily turned his head, blinking slowly and almost deliriously. He feigned a smile to the kind man as Hakoda clapped his shoulder and delivered the news.  
  
“Uncle… I’ll be so glad to see him. Thank you, Hakoda. Thank you so much… for everything. I can never repay you.”

* * *

 

The Avatar arrived with General Iroh just two days later. The pair hurried into the palace, with Aang leading. He was scared. The details he’d gotten from Zuko and Hakoda were thin and vague; all he knew was that Katara was in perilous condition. 

When he was ushered into the her room, however, the situation seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. 

Sokka was bent over with his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands, shaking from tears. Hakoda had his bottom lip caught in his teeth and he mopped Katara’s forehead with a cool rag, trying not to cry. Zuko looked like he been to hell and back. As his best friend, it broke Aang’s heart. 

Iroh broke the tense quiet first, going to his nephew. “Zuko… my son, are you okay? How is she?” His eyes left the Fire Lord’s honing in on the nurse, “Ryka, please, I’ve just arrived. How is Lady Katara? What is her prognosis?” 

“She… she’s a fighter,” the man said. His small, brown eyes flicked from teh general to the Avatar, and Aang got the sense that Katara’s fight was coming to an end. He swallowed down tears, walking towards her bed, taking in her too-thin shape. Aang rested his hand on top of her foot as the nurse continued. 

Our head healer had Lord Zuko seal the daggers’ wounds with firebending to save Katara’s life, and the burns have been kept clean. She’ll scar, but she’s managed to avoid any infection,” Rya said, slow and measured. “Our biggest concern— and when I say concern, I- I mean it- it is killing her— she’s bleeding internally. I- um— I’ve been instructed to keep her comfortable for the next week or so.”

* * *

Zuko had never felt such horrible, permeating, striking, pungent grief in his life. He had undergone more pain than most people face in their whole lives by the time he was thirteen, but this took the cake. This death sentence and traumatic week that seemed to end with Katara being ripped from his hands. Zuko’s days were spent at her side, whispering soothing words to her of love and affirmation. He sobbed all the time. He almost couldn’t stop sobbing. He was a mess. 

He was still living in this delusion that she’d be alright. He was adamant on it, and tensed at any mention she’d die. Katara, of all people, could not die. He’d do anything to swap places with her, even if that wasn’t what she wanted. She jumped in front of the knife. Clearly, she wanted this- she wanted him to go on and her to go. Zuko would do anything to reverse that. 

Zuko didn’t even hear Aang come in. He was staring blankly. His mind was numb and blank, and he glanced up at the avatar and his uncle with hollow eyes and a vacant expression. “I can’t do this, Uncle,” was all Zuko could reply with a bitter, sardonic laugh that choked into a sob as he threw down his head on the bed, muffling his sobs against the sheets as he gripped her hand, his back rising and falling shakily with riveting, unrelenting, unrestrainable cries.

Zuko’s free hand clutched the sheets as tight as he could as Rya whispered, and he sobbed harder against the sheets, growing hysterical unabashedly. There was no point in holding in anything when Katara was too ill to notice it, and they were telling him she’d be gone. If she was gone, he’d be gone too. He could not survive her death. He would die, he was sure of it. Zuko shook his head while he sobbed, unable, out of shame, to lift it from her sheets.

* * *

 

Grieving alongside his friend, Aang went to Zuko’s side at knelt there. He curled an arm around the Fire Lord’s shoulders, feeling tears prick his eyes with the palpable pain in the room. He’d let Katara go years ago, for her benefit as much as his own, but Aang still loved her deeply. Imagining a world without her bright eyes or kind smile was impossible, and he knew Zuko would face the brunt of the void, being alone in the palace once more if Katara faded away. 

“She has a week…” The young nomad looked to Rya, “but have there been any healers helping her? Any waterbenders, I mean?” Aang stood up, prepared to work if need be. “Katara taught me most of what she knows. I might be able to—” 

Rya interrupted him, “We have healers from the North Pole on staff. Lady Katara insisted on them as she was scheduled to leave… having Lord Zuko without the best medical care possible wasn’t an option.” 

“And?” Aang pressed for more. 

“And, they’ve done their best to help her. They’ve healed the external damage and battled her fevers,” Rya explained. “But, it’s like I said: she’s bleeding out internally. No one can stop that… except for her.” 

The nurse nodded pointedly at Katara’s unconscious frame, and Aang grasped his meaning quickly. “A bloodbender.” 

“A bloodbender?” Sokka perked up at that. He pulled free of Suki’s grasp, his eyes on Aang. “You said she taught you what she knows. You- you could do it. You could save her.” 

“She didn’t teach me _that._ I didn’t want to learn it,” Aang protested, “and even if she had, it’s not a full moon! I wouldn’t even be able to do it.” 

Sokka growled. “But, you’ve seen her do it. You watched her work on soldiers and civilians alike. She saved Zuko with it after the Agni Kai. She saved _us_ with it! You’ve seen it and you’re the Avatar. Use the Avatar state, Aang!” 

“I could just end up hurting her, Sokka. We don’t even know if that would work and I don’t want to put her in any additional danger.” 

“Additional danger?! She’s dying! _My sister is dying_ , you stupid—”

“Sokka, that’s enough!” Hakoda’s deep baritone silenced the room, calling every pair of eyes to his stern blue. “We… we’re all heartbroken. We are- we—” The man’s voice broke, and he swallowed forcefully. “My daughter is going to die, unless… The next full moon is in two weeks. If a bloodbender is what we need, I know Katara taught Pakku everything. If we can get him here…”  

“Aang, I am asking you to work in tandem with the healers already here. Keep her alive… through any means necessary,” Hakoda said, gathering strength again. “Lord Zuko, do you have a ship, whether by air or sea, that can get to the North Pole and back in the time we have?” 

* * *

 

Zuko felt like the air was being sucked from his lungs. He didn’t know what to do. He was still in denial about what was happening. It didn’t make any sense– Kat couldn’t… die. His Kat couldn’t _die_. Zuko could not stop crying against the sheets, holding his girlfriend’s hand. 

Zuko didn’t ever listen to anything anyone said. He couldn’t. Zuko couldn’t focus on anything. It all blurred in the background, except for buzzwords. He’d heard ‘week to live’ and ‘death’ and ‘let het go’ and ‘slipping away’, and now… he heard ‘bloodbending’. His own blood ran cold, and his head shot up. His eyes were red, bleary, bloodshot, pink-rimmed, and swollen. But, his gaze was wild, desperate, and wide. 

He looked to Aang like he was the last drop of water, stranded in a desert. Zuko grabbed Zuko’s arms, clinging to his clothes like a vice. He gaped, and gasped and looked up at him like a beaten puppy. “Please,” Zuko choked out, squeezing Aang’s arms. “Please. God, please,” Zuko begged. The fire lord humbled himself, falling to his knees. He pressed his hands together in a desperate prayer, looking up to Aang. 

“Aang, I will do anything,” Zuko choked out, sobbing as he shook his head. “Please, _please_ , _**please**_ ,” he begged. “Oh Agni, Aang, Agni… save Katara. Please save her. I’ll do anything. Whatever you want, you have it, Aang. You have to. You must. You have to do it. Please save her, Aang. I know you love her, please. Katara needs to live. Please,” Zuko cried, breaking down amidst his pleas. 

Zuko shook his head, his lip trembling as he clutched his fist in a vehement and stubborn denial to fate, squeezing his eyelids together tight as tears coated his red face. Zuko threw himself at Aang’s feet, so lost in grief and so desperate he didn’t give a damn to show pride. He just wanted Katara. “Aang… Aang, please… please, please,” Zuko sobbed, lying there and begging and crying in a lost gaze until Hakoda drew his attention and he sat back up on his knees, wiping his face. 

“I can have _anything_ you need, and I will make _anything_ happen.”

* * *

 

A ship left that night, the fastest in the entire fleet. For the two weeks following, all anyone could do was wait. Aang helped the healers keep Katara alive. Hakoda worked tirelessly to keep the Fire Nation running. Iroh made sure Zuko was sleeping and eating. 

Just before sunset on the first night of the full moon, soldiers came rushing into the palace, announcing a ship drawing near in the bay. Pakku and Kanna were inside the palace walls within the hour. 

The old master set to work immediately, his bending switching from water to blood as the moon rose beyond the windows. There was a tangible shift in the room around him, like they were all holding their breath, but the most noticeable was Katara’s— every inhale and exhale became even and steady. 

The death throttle was gone. The pallor of her skin darkened. When the healers checked her pulse, it was stronger than it’d been in weeks. 

Pakku took a seat on the edge of her bed, sometime after midnight. “That’s all I can do,” he said wearily. “The rest of the battle is up to her. She has to want this. She has to want to live.” 

* * *

 

Zuko looked and felt like a zombie. His soul had all but died as he watched Katara slipping away. His stare was vacant, and he moved like a programmed robot. It all felt surreal, and he was only running on adrenaline and desperation. He also had a tank full of hope. Katara always gave that. She’d want him to cling to that. Hope was something you had to give yourself in the darkest of times. That’s what he’d been told. His uncle reiterated that.

Zuko held resentment towards Aang. He used his waterbending to preserve and prolong Katara’s life, and her suffering. It was not in vain, she had a chance. Pakku would give her that chance. Zuko was so grateful to Aang for helping to keep her alive, but he would always resent him for not even trying bloodbending. It was against pacifism, Aang lamented. Zuko would always resent Aang for risking Katara’s life the longer they waited and played game because of his stupid moral code. Katara was more important than any moral code. He wouldn’t kill his father either. Aang risked the safety of the entire planet on his moral code. His father still tormented his soul every day. The New Ozai Society that got Katara stabbed was the result of Ozai still being alive. 

If– no, when, Zuko decided– they had a child together, would he want Ozai there to potentially harm them? No. Zuko would have both Mai and Ozai executed. He had to. He had to be firm, despite his fears of being like his father. He had to. It wasn’t a question to ponder. Unlike Aang, he had to sometimes go against his guts for what was right, Zuko decided. He would consult Katara and his uncle- an international council he knew would overwhelmingly agree except Aang. They were angry when Zuko originally sided with the Avatar’s decision, respecting his wishes since Aang was the one who’d saved them all. But, Zuko didn’t care anymore. Too many have died as a result of Ozai’s life. That was enough. 

But, what was just enough- just enough hope was the docking of Pakku’s ship. Zuko rushed to him, and eagerly waited as Pakku arrived and her grandmother wept, and Pakku cried while he focused and tried to aid all he could with bloodbending. It scared him, watching his girlfriend be bloodbent, but it was her last hope- all of their last hope. More hope overtook them as she regained color. The doctor actually smiled, and Zuko’s lips curved slightly for the first time since, and he held Katara’s hand.

“My love… please. You must live. You have so much to live for, Katara. You have a beautiful life with so many who love you and so much to do for others, and yourself. You deserve a full life for you, more than anyone, my love. Katara, please… if… if you can listen to me… please, please don’t leave me, love, please. Kat, please… please, you’re a fighter… I am begging you with all I have in me to fight harder than you’ve ever fought before. You’ve hung on for so long, just… one extra push, and… and– and when you’re well, I’ll make sure we’re safe, and we’ll– we’ll all go to Ember Island. All of us, Sokka, your dad, Gran-Gran, Pakku, Suki, Aang, Toph… everyone, Uncle, all of us. It’ll be wonderful, and we’ll have cocktails and… chocolate and– and we’ll eat until we’re sick, and lay in the sun, and the ocean. You love the ocean, we’ll stay all day, and go shopping, and… we’ll have a great time. We’ll just take it easy, okay? Please, _please_ , _**please**_.”

* * *

 

The night bled into morning with no change… until the sun was fully above the horizon and the room bled to a shifting red as light filtered through the curtains. 

Voices trickled in and out of her awareness, coaxing her slowly from the realm of forgotten dreams. Katara sighed, long and heavy— that drew a few gasps, a number of hands grabbing at hers. She recognized the rough callouses of her father. His thumb brushed over her cheek and his palm warmed her neck. 

Her eyelids strained, then Katara blinked. The soft blue to her left was the easiest to focus on. “D-dad?” She croaked, her voice cracked and broken from disuse. Her throat ached, her lungs burned. She whimpered quietly, and Hakoda reached for her wrist, squeezing once to calm her. 

“Shhh… darling, _shh,”_ he murmured, soothing her. “It’s okay. You’re okay, I promise. You’re going to be okay now.” 

Katara stared at him for a moment, not really believing him, but ultimately unsure _what_ she should believe. Her memories were a blur of knives and fire and agony. Even still, her body ached like she’d been battered by Fire Nation war machines and tears leaked from her eyes as all the pain caught up to her. 

She blinked again, this time leaving her eyes closed in an effort to keep the sobs at bay. The darkness in her head danced with visions of fire-wielding hands and her ears rang with terrified screams. She hissed through her nose, and a ragged cry burst from her chest. “Daddy, _please—”_

* * *

 

Zuko’s eyes felt like they were melting, but he could hardly blink for fear she’d need him in the millisecond interval. He sat there, his hand over hers, tears steadily rolling. He was sure he’d dehydrate from all he’d cried. He didn’t think a person could cry so much. He didn’t think he could care so little that he was, either. 

As the earliest crack of dawn crept over the dewy field of the tropic Fire Nation, Katara’s eyes began to wobble. Zuko sat on the edge of his seat, eager to see her, holding his breath to see if he would meet those beautiful, bright, gorgeous, sparkling, loving, blue eyes. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze at its designated spot over her hand. 

Finally, she stirred, and she spoke her father’s name. Zuko laughed joyously, a vibrant, lopsided smile overcoming his face as elated tears streamed down his cheeks. “Kat,” Zuko choked out. 

Hakoda wiped her tears, and Zuko swore he’d never felt more relief in his life. He had never been so happy. “Oh my God,” Zuko spoke, using his free hand to swipe at his tears that juxtaposed his crooked smile in the most picturesque way. 

But, she seemed frightened, and Zuko looked at her in concern, though he couldn’t ebb away the joy tingling, edging to burst in his chest. “Kat, it’s all right. It’s okay,” Zuko whispered, rubbing her hand and wrist affectionately and tenderly. “Love, do you need anything? _Anything_? Love, how do you feel?”

* * *

 

The sound of Zuko’s voice made her jump, made her tears worsen. Her skin crawled where he touched her, something akin to fear swamping any other feeling. Her thoughts swirled around the memory of searing that pressed to her back. 

She could feel it, perfectly remember the stench and the sound if she focused long enough. She could hear him murmuring in her ear, telling her he was sorry and that it’d be alright— but, nothing was alright, was it? 

Katara yanked her hand from his. The jarring motion hurt, but the warmth in his fingers hurt worse. _“No,”_ she barked, swallowing through a lump in her throat. “No, I don’t.”

Her eyes stayed on his for a long moment, his watering and hers stinging. The new tears the wet her cheeks felt like betrayal. She wanted to be strong, even in whatever state she is, in her deathbed, for lack of a better description. Everyone in the room was staring at her, worry mixed with happiness, then confusion. 

Katara looked away just as her dad cupped her cheek, again. “Hun, are you okay? Are you…” Hakoda seemed to put it together. His gaze flicked to the firebender at the edge of her bed, and he sighed wearily. “Katara, he’s not going to hurt you. What he did saved you.” 

She simply shook her head. All she knew was fear— fear of fire, fear of him. 

* * *

 

Zuko noticed her jump when she glanced at him, and he instantly pulled his hand from her, his pupils shrinking as he averted his gaze in guilt and hurt. He took a deep breath. What mattered wasn’t if she hated him for what he did, she was okay now. She would live. Zuko wiped his face over-and-over, as the tears were determined to repopulate themselves. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, a choke and crack audible in his voice. 

He pursed his lips, and his eyes just danced over her face. Last week, he thought she was going to die. Now, at least she had that spark in her eyes. She was firey again. She was okay. She would recover and be fine. It still killed him that she was afraid, even if his joyful relief overtook that.

“Kat… I love you. I hated– hated that I had to do that… Kat, it made me throw up,” he admitted. “I couldn’t let you die,” Zuko choked out. “It… it was like when you bloodbent me, years ago, after the agni kai,” he murmured. “I didn’t like it. I had to… I had no choice, Kat. I would never do anything to harm you,” he promised. “But, I- I’ll back off… I don’t– I don’t want to upset you. I’m– I’m just so happy you’re alive. I’m so happy you’re okay. God… I have legitimately never been so terrified in my entire life,” Zuko choked out, his hands then moving to cover his face. 

Zuko tried to hold it all in in front of her, but he choked on a gasping sob, crying into his hands. It was all horrifying- this ordeal had emotionally crippled him. He was so drained. He felt his uncle’s hand on his shoulder as his uncle rubbed his back while he sobbed into his hands and murmured apologies. 

“I’m just… I’m so _relieved_. I’m sorry.”

* * *

 

Hakoda was the first to speak, following a prolonged silence and quiet tears from his daughter. “Why… why don’t we all get some rest? Everyone is exhausted. With Katara stronger and better, we can take turns staying with her.” His soft blue eyes found hers, “Is that alright, Katara? Do you need anything right now?” 

She shook her head and her father let her go. The chieftain kissed her forehead gently before taking his leave behind Sokka and Suki. Iroh left, too, saying he’d send in Pakku for a brief check-up on Katara’s well-being. 

Then she was alone, alone but for Zuko, and their eyes met in the sunlit room, apprehension apparent in hers, overwhelming joy evident in his. It was marred by sadness though, because she flinched every time his hands moved and her throat tightened when he left his chair to sit on the edge of her bed. 

“I can smell it,” Katara whispered, tracking every movement he made. “I- I can smell that— that _sick_ smell. You burned me. I was screaming for you to stop and you just- you kept—”

* * *

 

He thought he would relish this moment, and in many ways- he did. She was alive. Her eyes were opened and bright. She was tired, but alert. There was no major, permanent damage to her body. He was ecstatic and relieved. Tears still covered his blotchy, red cheek. But, sadness loomed in the air. There was no reunion, no embrace, no gentle kiss. It wasn’t even close to his daydream.

He stayed quiet. He closed his eyes when she spoke, and slow, regretful, pained tears fell. He knew the scent. Her screams were embedded in his mind. He jolted awake himself from nightmares of them. He felt like his father. After he did it, he threw up in the bathroom after having a panic attack. It was too similar to what his father had done, she was dying, she begged him to stop- he kept burning her. It reminded him exactly of the trauma that occurred in his thirteenth year. That trauma only magnified because this time he gave it to her.

“I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. I can’t even attempt to tell you how disgusted I was and am with myself. I couldn’t let you die. That’s all I can say. I refused to let you die, Kat. I’m sorry. If you hate me, I get it… but… I had to stop the bleeding. The doctors said it was the only way. I hated every second. I threw up… I have nightmares… I feel like my father… like my father on the Agni Kai, or when he left my mom screaming on the floor- and it was that same smell,” Zuko murmured, wiping his eyes. “I know how much it hurts. That’s why it hurt me more than that to do it to you. I’m so inexplicably sorry, and that doesn’t mean, or fix, anything… but… I am. I love you. The very last thing I ever wanted was to bring you any pain or suffering or hurt… I did it because everyone- your dad, brother, the doctor, Suki… they said it was the best for you- the pain was worth it to save you. I agreed, reluctantly, and… it hurt you, and I’m so sorry, but, Kat… my love, you’re alive. I’d rather you hate me and live.”

* * *

 

Katara softened immediately. “Don’t say that,” she murmured, fresh tears coating her cheeks and swelling in her throat. She reached for him, hesitated for a moment, fearing the heat in his hands, then pushed through and wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “I don’t hate you, Zuko. Don’t say that.” 

As much as fire might scare her now, Katara knew there was no good reason to cower at the sight of him, at a touch from him. He loved her. He saved her. Even at the price of his own soul, it seemed. 

She bit down on her bottom lip, then gathered the courage to tug on his sleeve. “Come here, Zuko,” Katara said, her free hand patting the open pillow space beside her head. “Please. Lay with me.” 

Zuko gave in easily at that, nestling down beside her with splotchy cheeks and broken breaths. And while she pulled her hands away from his, Katara traced the edge of scar tissue on his left cheek, thinking of the stain on his chest. 

“You’ve done so much to protect the people you love… your countrymen… me,” Katara drew her fingers down to his covered sternum, her hand over the starburst of red and pink hiding there. “It might be hard right now, with all of the pain so fresh for me, the memories and the agony… Zuko, I love you. That’s not going to change.”  

* * *

 

When she touched him, he melted. He felt himself crumble, in the best way. He was so scared Katara would never hold him again, then he was scared she didn’t want him, and then his daydreams became true. She was safe, alive, on the path to full recovery, and she was holding him. He should be holding her. She was the sick one. But, Zuko fell into her arms, and he cried, holding onto her. 

Her voice was soft as rain, and she was as comforting as he remembered. She touched his scar, and everything felt right again. “Agni… Agni, Katara,” Zuko choked out, wetting her shoulder with his tears, nuzzling into her as his shoulders wracked. 

“I’ve done so much? Me? Dammit, Kat, I just watched you nearly die over me. Why did you do that? I love you. I love you so much… you– you can’t do that for me… me? You can’t… you can’t, Kat… you jumped in front of the knife? Spirits, Kat… not a day passes I don’t relive that moment and wonder how I could’ve stopped that,” Zuko cried. “I love you. I love you so much,” he cried. “I was terrified. I was so scared. I was horrified I was going to lose you, Katara. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life… I can’t believe you’re okay. I– I– can’t… I-I c-can’t– I can’t… _**Kat**_.”

* * *

 

“I’m okay. Everything’s okay,” Katara repeated, wrapping her arms around him despite the pain lancing between her shoulder blades. “You’re still here. That’s all that really mattered to me. By some miracle, I made it, too, but all I wanted was to save you.” 

Her eyes fluttered shut from exhaustion, but she kept her fingers trailing down his spine, tangling up in his hair, soothing him. It helped her, too. Holding onto something tangible pushed away the visions of fire that danced around her head. “Get some rest, love. We both need it.” 

* * *

 

Zuko curled up with his girlfriend, finally feeling at peace. The urgent feeling of turmoil was gone, and he fell asleep beside her. He felt so grateful for her, and did everything to help her heal. He felt forever indebted to Pakku and offered him the world. In the coming weeks, Katara regained strength. She began to walk again, and eat heavier meals. Her skin was brighter, she looked and acted healthier. Her path to recovery was bright and everyone stayed beside her.

Once Katara was well enough, an emergency meeting was called. It was about the New Ozai Society- to announce its decimation that came about once Mai, the leader, was captured- and the fate of Mai, and Zuko wanted to mention his father as well. It was convenient, Aang and Hakoda and Pakku were already here. Zuko only had to call in Kuei.

Zuko sat beside Katara. He was inseparable from her now. Fear still gripped him. He was scared something would happen to her. He held her hand as he began to speak, “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for gathering here today on such short notice. It is paramount we decide what to do, our next steps. As you know, Mai was the leader of the now disbanded and abolished New Ozai Society. She attempted to assassinate me and nearly killed Ambassador Katara, making this an international crime. I would like to propose her execution… as well as ex Fire Lord Ozai’s.”

 


	57. These Masks We Wear, Part 10

A ripple went through the council. Not one of dissuasion or distaste, Katara noticed, but of surprise. Since the end of the war, Zuko had stood firm on the side of Aang, turning away any advisor who proposed a trial for Ozai, insisting that the man be kept alive. It was what the Avatar wanted, after all. 

They’d all been irritated, some were even furious. _Why listen to a child? Why trust a boy?_ Katara had pressed at times, arguing that Ozai was just as powerful without his bending— it seemed that she’d finally been proven right, and Zuko was, at last, taking the world’s warnings seriously.  

Aang, however, being his pious, passive self, protested before the council could let out a collective breath. “Absolutely not!” He snapped, repeating what he’d said four years ago. “What kind of example would I be setting if I just started wiping out everyone I don’t like? The Avatar can’t do that!” 

“Kyoshi did it,” Katara stated, cool and matter-of-fact. “You also told us that Roku and Kuruk, while not being executioners in the same manner as Kyoshi, gave you the advice to end Ozai, before you went into battle.” 

“Yes, but Yangchen—” 

“Yangchen told you to weigh the value of life,” she cut Aang off. “We all know what she meant: weigh the value of the world’s lives against the value of Ozai’s… it’s not a difficult choice.” 

Aang’s face darkened. “For you, maybe. This wouldn’t be the first time you murdered someone.”

“It wouldn’t be the second time, either.” A tight smile spread across her lips. “I support Fire Lord Zuko in this. Ozai and Mai should both face a trial for their crimes, and last I checked, the penalty for treason is death. But don’t worry, Aang, we won’t be asking you to do it. The palace has its own executioner.”

* * *

 

Katara always was so eloquent. Zuko loved letting her take the reins. She got his thoughts across far better than he ever could. His girlfriend always left him proudly smirking as he sat behind her and she spoke- delivering herself like a queen. His heart swelled, wondering if she would allow him to make her queen.

Aang was making Zuko furious, and he couldn’t help but stand up and interject alongside Katara. “Fire Lord Ozai is a treacherous, murderous man. He is causing more deaths. He is causing imbalance and threatening peace. Mai started a horrible organization to kill me and disrupt world balance. They both are threats- they both must die,” Zuko spoke.

“It hurts me, believe it or not,” he added, swallowing thickly. “He’s still my father, no matter how much I hate him, and how much everything political move he has ever made repulses and shakes me to the core. And, Mai… she was my first crush, my first taste of puppy love, I care for her… I’m hurt and I feel deeply betrayed. I don’t want to see them die. I can’t even watch it. But, it must be done- for the sake of our people and the safety of us all. I implore you for approval, Avatar Aang. Your blessing means much to me, but… I will proceed without it. I have the international blessing.”

* * *

 He cared for Mai?

Katara’s head snapped to the left so quickly, the sound of her bones popping could be heard. Her eyes searched him, then darkened to a cool glare as Zuko went on — _I don’t want to see them die. I can’t even watch it_ — she snorted under her breath. 

“I suppose I should tell _you_ not to worry, too,” Katara grumbled, not caring what the other members of the council thought or saw. “I’ll watch them die _for you_. I’ll personally oversee every second if I have to. I—”

She could’ve kept going, she could’ve told him that she didn’t take shurikens to her back so he could be empathetic to his ex-girlfriend and glorified sperm donor. Better sense warned her off. Katara didn’t think a lover’s quarrel would do anything to affirm Zuko’s stance and position, and it certainly wouldn’t affirm her position as his suitor. 

She huffed, deciding to feign weariness. “I’m not feeling well,” Katara announced, standing. “All this… activity… if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll call on Master Pakku and retire to my room.”

* * *

 

Zuko sighed deeply. He realized then his statement angered her. He thought she of all people might understand. Instead, she was like everyone else who would likely lump him in as a monster with empathy for a genocidal maniac. That wasn’t the case. His heart hurt for the little boy in him who still loved his dad with all his heart no matter how much his dad cast him aside. He didn’t empathize with Mai either. He didn’t have feelings for her or love her. He cared for still the girl he shoved in the pond and with whom he shared sentimentals. He couldn’t help it.

Katara didn’t understand. She thought he was awful. She was judging him, and if she was, there was no one he could turn to. He couldn’t control his feelings. He wished he felt no love for Ozai… but he did. Zuko took a staggering breath and decided to go after Katara just in case she actually wasn’t lying.

Zuko dismissed the meeting and followed suit. He knocked on the door tentatively, “Kat… can… can we talk?”

* * *

 

 _Can we talk?_ She nearly scoffed. All the anger dredged up in the meeting had only stewed in the half hour that Pakku worked, and now that he was gone, her attempts to redress without smearing the salve he’d rubbed across her scar were only adding irritation to the mix. 

Katara felt a layer of silk stick to the cooling ointment and growled. “No!” She shouted, petulant. She threw the garment down on the floor, were it landed in a pitiful pile. “I don’t want to talk to you! I don’t want to talk to anyone!” 

Her anger was largely misdirected at this point, though she could talk it ‘round to Zuko being the sole cause. The glaringly hideous scar on her back— he’d caused that. And he’d been stupid enough to try and console Mai out of her murderous fit during a lunar eclipse and now _he didn’t want her to die._

 _Agni be damned_ , if she ever saw Mai again, Katara would make her brain explode in her stupid, fucking head. And she’d fucking smile when Mai’s body hit the ground. Fuck Zuko, fuck Aang. _Fuck her soul._

Katara’s lips twitched into an angry snarl— she knew he was still standing out there. She threw a heeled shoe at the door and flopped onto her bed with a thumb. “Go away, Zuko! I have nothing to say to you. There is  _nothing_ to say.” 

* * *

 

Zuko’s heart ached when he was startled by the shake at the door when she threw her shoe at it. “Kat, come on, please,” Zuko said behind the door, his fingers dragging down the wood as his forehead then hit it. His hand slid down and gripped the doorknob tight as he inhaled sharply, and took in her sharp words. 

He said nothing, but slowly and emptily walked away. He began to fill with self-doubt. Why did he still love his father? Why did he dread his execution? What was wrong with him that he kept crawling back? Why was he headed over now? Why couldn’t he stop himself? 

Zuko slipped on his dark, hooded cloak and crept into the dingy prison. He walked up the winding path, up to the top cell that would soon be empty. He tugged down his cloak’s hood and looked his father in the eyes that matched his own, only holding more coldness within them. 

“Well… did the fire lord come to give the poor death row prisoner a final meal request and bid him farewell? My loving son here to give me my kiss of death?” Ozai crooned, looking like an emaciated bird as he leaned against those stone walls. 

“I don’t know what I came here for. I just did,” Zuko whispered absentmindedly. 

“You never knew what you wanted. You were always an indecisive fool who let others trample on you because you were so weak and inferior to all,” Ozai snarled. 

“You never know when to stop,” Zuko muttered blankly. 

“You always quit too soon,” retorted Ozai with a sneer. “I hope you’re there, Zuko. I hope you watch my neck snap and dangle and see that dead look in my eyes and know you murdered your own father. I hope you see Mai, the woman you should have married, and feel regret for taking a peasant, exotic whore to your bed instead. I hope you never get a wink of sleep again because of it. I hope we haunt your dreams and visions. You deserve it. You deserve to suffer because you’re small and nothing and weak and worthless. You were a mistake I should have offed when I saw how weak you were right when you were born. Even your own mother doesn’t want you,” laughed Ozai. “Where’s your whore? She doesn’t want you either. Your uncle left you alone here too. They all left you. The whore was going back home, your uncle is running rampant with his nonsense tea, your mother thinks you’re a pathetic disgrace… you may have a crown, but you don’t care for that. You want them, and they don’t want you because you’re nothing.”

Zuko clutched his hands, the words digging at his soul, and somehow, for some reason making him want to spare his father and aching even more to kill him, even though he knew he must. Zuko was weak, and everyone was gone or going. This was true. Zuko grew quiet- moments of his childhood dancing through his head. “Goodbye, Father.”

* * *

 

Suki woke her from a deep sleep, which was better than her father or Zuko, as she’d passed out in a fit of sheer exhaustion wearing nothing but her lower bindings. The salve on her back had long since dried. Suki touched the pink tissue gingerly, then gathered the linen strips that made up Katara’s breast bindings and helped her sit up.   
  
“Sokka told me the meeting was… tense,” the warrior said, wrapping around Katara’s ribcage slowly. “I know Aang’s disapproval was expected, but you and Zuko…” Suki trailed off, letting the subject hang for a moment.   
  
She had a penchant for that, for bringing up the touchy subjects that reverberated through the Gaang and backing off while the topic stewed, giving everyone a chance to think. Katara thought it was a leadership tactic, because it always seemed to end in a peaceful resolution, and she admired her friend for it.   
  
The subject of Zuko stung more though, more so than the division of chores or Aang’s training. Katara was silent for longer, and a heavy sigh finally broke the quiet, accompanied by, “I think he still loves Mai… in some convoluted way.”  
  
“Really,” Suki stated her inquiry simply, her face passive.   
  
“He called her his first crush, Suki. _Puppy love_ , is what he said, actually.”  Katara ignored the woman when the passivity faded to skepticism. “Not only is that slightly fucked up to say around your current girlfriend… we were in a meeting about putting her to death!”   
  
Suki shook her head as she lifted the silk robe Katara had thrown aside hours earlier. “Zuko doesn’t love her, Katara. You’d really have to be stupid to truthfully think that.”   
  
“Wow, thanks.”   
  
“I’m serious,” Suki held the robe up and Katara slipped into it slowly, cinching the sash into a tight knot. “He loves you, very deeply— but, that doesn’t mean Zuko feels nothing for the people who used to be important pieces of his life. He weighs the finality of death very carefully.”  
  
“Mai deserves it. Ozai, even more,” Katara protested. “One burned and abused him and the other started a club to kill him. I’m really not sure what the hang up is.“ 

Suki laughed and sat on the bed’s edge, patting the mattress for Katara to join her. “You are just as stubborn as your brother.” 

“I’m worse, I think.” 

That made the Kyoshi Warrior snort again and eventually, Katara couldn’t help smiling herself. “You should talk to him, sis,” Suki said finally. “See where his head’s at… He might just need some comfort and reassurance that this action will not make him like his father.” 

* * *

 

Zuko sat at his desk, staring at his parchment blankly, his features were scrunched up in worry. He was trying to get back to work, Hakoda had been doing things for him. There were stacks and stacks of paperwork for him to catch up on, but he couldn’t find the motivation to get back to it. He was worried about Katara, what he said, and what his father said, and how he now felt he owed it to Katara to watch both Mai and his father die. 

He had so much guilt surrounding his feelings. He felt like in some, confounding, convoluted way he was alike his father for still loving him. He felt like that by caring that Mai was going to put to death by him that he was betraying Katara. Katara seemed to agree, and no one’s opinion of him mattered more to him than Katara’s. If she was looking down on him for this, then he knew he had to attend, and all that was racing through his head was his father’s chilling words. 

He was leaning into his hands, pulling back his face so his skin was taut. He felt numbed, and hardly realized he was feeling a thing until darkened spots appeared on his parchment. He moved his hands to cover his eyes then, taking a deep breath. Too much was happening all at once. Maybe his father had points, not about governance or humanity– but about him. He was weak. Only a weak person would be so tormented by something that seems so morally simple. 

Zuko was stirred from his dark contemplation by a knock at the door, and he patted his face dry with his sleeve, picking up his feather pen to look busy, placing it to the parchment before clearing his throat. “Come– Come in.”

* * *

 

Katara pushed the door open nervously, and at a nod from Suki who watched her from the hall, Katara took a tentative step inside. “Hi, Zuko…” She did her best to smile, then slipped all the way in and closed the door. “I- _um—_ I want to apologize for how I spoke to you earlier.”

“There’s no excuse,” she said, toeing the edge of a maroon rug that softened the dark stone floors.  “You’re only trying to do what’s best, in your position as the Fire Lord, and I let my personal feelings cloud how I felt about it.”

Katara swallowed and looked up, daring herself to meet his eyes. He seemed tired and worn, as worn as she felt internally. She was just better at hiding it. “Do what you think is best, Zuko. Do what will set an example to the rest of the rebels. Just know… whatever you choose… it doesn’t make you a bad man or a weak man. It doesn’t make you your father.”

* * *

 

Zuko was surprised when his girlfriend slipped in. He was sure he’d have to be the first one to do that. He shook his head when she apologized, “No, I’m sorry,” whispered Zuko, putting down the pen, and folding his hands in his lap as he stared down at them, guilt written all over his young and tired face as he shook his head. “I just don’t know,” admitted Zuko.

“Something’s _wrong_ with me, Kat,” he mumbled, laughing self-deprecatingly at himself. “Who… what kind of person… feels sympathy for a man like my father?” Zuko spoke, to ashamed of himself to meet her beautiful eyes. “Or Mai? She… she almost killed you, and… I know they deserve it. I- I want them dead… so… why is this hurting me?” he spoke, knowing Katara had no answer. 

“I went to him, Kat,” confessed Zuko. “I always go back to him,” he whispered in deep shame. “After we argued, I went right to him. He always sucks me back in. He doesn’t have to say or do anything, but I wind up listening to his jeers all the time. I think I won. I tell myself, ‘Zuko, you beat him’, but did I? Did I really when without a word, he’s on my mind? I come to him? Time and time again, I slip back… why? I don’t know if it’s that he’s strong or that I’m weak, or both,” he whispered. “I know he needs to die, I’m certain. I just don’t know why it’s… hurting me. I don’t know why… I love him,” Zuko all but soundlessly mumbled with shame. “I care that Mai dies too… I hate her. I hate my father. I really hate Mai for what she did to you. Maybe it would be easier for me if I knew she was trying to kill you, but when people do things to me… it never bothers me as much. She too, must die.”

“I guess I have to watch… how pathetic and weak would it look if the leader of the Fire Nation wasn’t there to witness his own orders of execution?” Zuko whispered. “Aang would use it against me to show he’s right for the rest of his life. He still won’t even look at me. He wouldn’t even blood bend to save your life. I love Aang, but admittedly, I have trouble looking at him too. All I can see is my pathetic, groveling self at his feet, begging him to do it, to try to bloodbend to save your life, but he refused. It was against pacifist teachings as a monk. What utter bullshit, Kat. That’s all I can see… all I can say about all of this… what utter bullshit.”

* * *

 

“He wouldn’t save me?” Katara took on a look of complete bewilderment, her thoughts drifting off for a minute, before rounding back to the guilt and grief on Zuko’s face. “It doesn’t matter,” she sighed. “You saved me— and Pakku. What Aang would or wouldn’t do, it doesn’t matter.”

She shook her head as if to confirm it, to press her absolution of Aang’s choices into her own heart. “What does matter, is your well-being…” Katara found a seat on the sofa in his office. “You know I want Mai and Ozai dead, more than anything. If you can’t over see it, we can say you’re busy. We can say you’re out of town. As your Ambassador, I don’t see what the trouble is if I attend alone.” 

* * *

 

“I want them dead too,” Zuko agreed, swallowing thickly as he slowly closed his eyes. He was so anxious and stressed over this, and how deeply it plagued him was written all over his face. His mouth was set in a deep frown, and his chest felt tight. This dilemma was tearing him apart. His father always found a way to tear him apart. He couldn’t expect Katara to understand that. He couldn’t expect anyone alive to, especially when he didn’t even understand it himself. Finally, he spoke again, “Which is why I’m so confused. I know I want them dead. Why does it hurt? Why am I so bothered?” he mumbled, shaking his head to dismiss himself. Katara didn’t need to hear anymore of his juvenile nonsense and internal, moral struggles. They were being executed, and that was that.

He wondered what she thought of him now. He was afraid to know. Finally, Zuko met his beloved’s gaze, licking the top row of his teeth nervously. “As my ambassador…” Zuko quoted, trailing off with a nod before shaking his head. “I deeply value Ambassador Katara’s opinion. She’s my most trusted and skilled advisor,” Zuko murmured, “But right now, I’m more concerned about how Katara, my _girlfriend_ , feels about this.”

* * *

 

 _“Katara your girlfriend_ wants them dead,” she snorted, a derisive laugh tickling her throat. “Maybe more than anyone else here— I want to see them die.” Her eyes filled with unwarranted tears, hot and angry. “They have hurt you in ways that should be unimaginable.” 

Katara blinked and the tears fell, forcing her to look down. Little salty splatters wet her lap, which made the tears come faster, until she was fighting against thick sobs. Zuko looked like he was about to get up and comfort her, but Katara stood, her hands raised. “Don’t. Don’t touch me. I’m angry with you.” 

“Don’t try to tell it’ll be okay or you’re sorry or you’re just glad I’m okay, we’ll get through this together.” She swiped at her cheeks, to no avail against the tears staining her face, but at least it gave her something to do with her hands. “I don’t want to hear it.” 

“I cannot believe you— I cannot even fathom how you’d call Mai your first crush, your teenage puppy love, while the rest of us are discussing her imminent execution!” Katara’s voice raised. “She nearly killed me, Zuko!  She _would’ve_ killed me! And you feel sorry for her!”   

* * *

Zuko clenched his teeth as she shouted. He didn’t know how to respond because she was right, and he didn’t understand the way he felt. It didn’t make sense. Sure, Ozai was his dad, but was he a dad? He did nothing but make him suffer. Mai had been awful too. Why did only childhood memories fill him now? Why did only memories of rare, rose-tinted moments reach him now before their deaths? Why was he thinking this way? He had no answers for her, and all he wanted was to take away her hurt,  but he was causing it, so at his soonest attempt, she shoved him away.

Tears then streaked his own cheeks, and he pinched his lips tightly shut to prevent any cries. “Not teenage… I meant when we were children. I meant… before I was entirely miserable,” muttered Zuko lowly enough to disguise what would become the crack in his voice from the lump in his throat. “When we were children, I had a crush on her… we played together when Azula wasn’t looking, games, hopscotch, firebending games, we picked apples… I was only ten-years-old. Mai was only eight-years-old, a child. There’s no such thing as an evil eight-year-old,” Zuko whispered. “I thought she was great then… that is what I meant. For some reason, these stupid childhood memories are all I can think about for both of them,” Zuko tried to explain. 

“I don’t feel sorry for her… I don’t feel sorry for my father. This is justice. They deserve their execution. It just pains me,” he admitted. “I don’t know why. I don’t get it. I don’t know why–” Zuko had to stop himself, shaking his head as more tears fell, “I don’t get it,” he choked out. “I don’t know why I feel pain that my father is dying, or that Mai is dying… they’re awful, awful… terrible people,” Zuko cried, “But, it _hurts_ ,” he admitted. “Especially my father… it hurts,” he choked out. “I’m sorry, Katara. I didn’t mean to hurt you by what I said up there. I was just trying to make a point to Aang. I just wanted to show him that sometimes things aren’t easy, but they’re right. This is hard for me, and… I don’t know why, but it’s hard, and I’m sorry if that hurts you, I don’t want that. I don’t even get this, except he’s my dad. He was still the man I called ‘Dad’ my whole life, and wanted to make happy and proud, and I love him… I’m sorry, Kat, but I still do,” he admitted, “And… I feel so much shame. I’m so ashamed, but I do,” Zuko choked out. “And, Mai… I never wanted to see anything bad happen to her. I didn’t know she’d become like this, and… I want her to die for waht she did to you, but… fuck, something deep in the recesses of my fucked up childhood memory is making this hard- it’s making it hurt.”

“But, I only said… I only said that there because of Aang. He thinks I just… like this is clockwork to me, but it’s not. I want him to authorize this. I don’t want history to look at this like I’m vengeful. My father’s execution is for safety. I don’t want to override the Avatar. I want Aang to understand. He doesn’t, and I was trying to get him to by showing him that it was hard for me, not just him, but it was right… that’s why I said that… not… not because I don’t think they need to die, Kat… I know they do… I want them to, too… but fuck, I guess I’m fucked up as the both of them because it hurts. It really hurts.”

* * *

 

“Well it hurts me, too,” Katara said, grimacing at him. “It hurts me, knowing you feel some sentimental value towards your girlfriend’s near murderer— Ozai, Ozai I can understand.” She conceded. “He is your father. You have familial ties to him, even if those ties are fucked up. I understand feeling sad about his death.” 

“I’ll be there for you, even,” she admitted, her fingers rubbing at her temples. “I will be there when he dies and I’ll help you through it. I’ll help you bury him or drink yourself silly, whatever you want, Zuko. But—” Katara shook her head then, unable to fight down the stubborn fury lingering in her veins. “I will _not_ hold you while you cry over Mai. I will not.” 

“She chased us all over, with Azula. She hurt my brother. She hurt Aang. She’s hurt you,” Katara spat. “Even before this _Kill the King_ club… she was a shit person. She deserves this and I will not offer any sympathy. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

* * *

 

In honesty, Ozai’s death was the main cause of his internal anguish. But, he would be a liar if he said he was happy to watch Mai die. He didn’t disagree with anything Katara said, he just would hurt to watch her die. He would grieve over Ozai, but he would not mourn Mai’s death. He would only hurt to see her death that he ordered, knowing had she not chosen such evil, she could have lived a full life. He remembered her as a kid, and she had such potential to be so much more, but she chose this. She chose such hatred and violence. He never could understand it. Then again, he felt like now he couldn’t understand much of anything.

“I know she did, and… I agree with everything you say,” Zuko spoke, the back of his hand wiping his face. “It’s not that I’ll mourn her, the way I’ll admittedly mourn my father… but I won’t like ordering her to die, Kat. I’m sorry… she… I don’t know. It hurts me to have to order her death. I don’t want to see it… I don’t want to… I don’t know. I just… I don’t like that I must do this, or that… I want to… I don’t know. I’m confused. I don’t understand why I feel this way, and it’s… driving me crazy,” he attempted to explain. “I understand why you’re angry at me, I really do… but I just… I can’t say anything because I’m confused.”

“She hurt you. She almost took you away from me. She put me and you through the worst month of our entire fucking lives. Those were by far the worst days I’ve ever been through. They make being banished and the agni kai look like a fun walk in the park,” Zuko choked out. “She must die, and I won’t regret killing her for a second. I’ll sleep fine knowing I did the right thing. I couldn’t not execute her for what she did to you. But… I’m not happy this had to happen. I’m hurt… that it was her, a person I know, someone I thought… I thought cared about me just a little… I never was in love with Mai. I hated dating her. I did… but… I thought she’d want me to have a good life, as I did for her… I think… I think that’s what hurts. It hurts that it was her, and… now I have to order her to die. I think… I think that’s it, but… I’m not sure… none of this… none of this adds up, and there’s so much, Katara. It never ends. I can’t even imagine how you feel. I’m fucking exhausted, you must want to sleep forever.”

* * *

 

“I… I understand,” Katara said, eventually. Zuko’s explanation helped her make sense of it, of all the twisted up feelings he had towards Mai, and she felt guilty now for pushing him to that point in a fit of anger. 

She sighed deeply and gave him a soft smile, one that she hoped was sympathetic and kind. “It’s not easy making these calls, I know that. On one side of the argument, I know where you’re coming from. Having to fight Azula was hard for me, because I knew you cared for her. Having to lock her up was rough, because I knew you wished she could heal, you wished your relationship could be normal.” 

“That’s how you feel about your father, about Mai. You wish your relationships with them could be normal,” Katara said. “But, you have to execute your own father, and even though the possibility was never even conceivable, you’ll lose any chance to connect with him how you do with Iroh and my dad. With Mai… I don’t know, being on good terms with your ex is always better than nearly being assassinated by them…” 

Katara shook her head with a negating laugh. It turned to a heavy breath, and she looked down at the floor. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, Zuko. I wish I could carry the whole burden for you… but I promise, when it’s over, we’ll take a vacation. We’ll take a break from all this. I don’t care if I have to drown the entire council to make them let you leave for a week.” 

* * *

 

“I'm… I’m scared I’ll be like him, Katara,” Zuko whispered. “Everything I do, he looms over my shoulder. When he’s dead, he’ll loom over my shoulder,” Zuko stated, swallowing thickly. “I just– you were scared of me, and I felt like him. I felt like a monster,” Zuko stated. “I just- he’s always there. He has this power over me.”

Zuko swallowed thickly, but her talk of a vacation sounded great. “All I want is to be with you, and know you’re all right. This past month has been the worst of my entire life. Worse than my burn, worse than my banishment, worse than my mom disappearing, worse than anything. I wake up screaming, scared that you’re gone,” Zuko choked out, putting his hand over his face as he shook his head.

“I’m so anxious something bad will happen to you.”


	58. These Masks We Wear, Part 11

A span of weeks took them through sleepless nights, fearful days, and hours spent going between councils and courts. Ozai and Mai were allowed to testify. to no avail really. Juries listened and voted. The Loyalists went into an uproar, leading to curfews and martial law and riots in the streets. 

Katara was a nervous wreck— she blamed it on lingering trauma from her near death, but it troubled her even more to watch Zuko fall apart. He was all but _forced_ to preside over every moment, to call soldiers into his city, and face the protests of Loyalists when the final decision for the death penalty was read. 

He was losing weight rapidly and looking far more gaunt in his face than Katara would like. His eyes were sunken in, his cheeks hallow. Making him eat was more of a challenge than keeping her own food down. It made her sick to admit it, but she couldn’t wait for the executions. She couldn’t wait for it to all be over. 

The set day finally came; a sweaty, humid evening, with Zuko’s supporters and Ozai’s backers lining the palace’s main plaza on opposite sides. An executioner in a black hood marched down the line between the crowd, followed closely by soldiers holding the damned prisoners. 

From her seat in the parapets overlooking the gallows, Katara thought she could make out wide-eyed fear marring Mai’s normally blank face. She told herself she was imagining that and leaned closer to Zuko’s position at her left. 

“It’s going to be okay,” she whispered, low enough that the presiding council couldn’t hear. Katara ran her hand up his thigh and offered a reassuring squeeze. “I promise… it’ll be over in minutes and then we’re leaving. We’ll go to Ember Island, we’ll forget about all of this… It’ll be okay.” 

* * *

The Fire Nation was in total chaos. As soon as the verdict was out, the protestors were out as well. They came in droves, and needed to be contained. Some were armed and dangerous and posed a threat not only to him, and those he cared for, but the civilians as well. In order to protect his people, Zuko mandated martial law. He felt terrible, and hadn’t felt so stressed about his actual position in a long time. 

The nights were the longest. He was up late worrying about the protestors, the anger surrounding the martial law order, nightmares about losing Katara, through death or departure, and nightmares about watching his father and Mai die. Zuko was constantly anxious over it. He knew he had to be present at the execution, but all he wanted was to hide out in his room until it was over. He already knew he’d need to look away, but the sounds alone would haunt him to his grave. 

His uncle had came once he heard the order, and assured Zuko that though he too was saddened, he agreed with his decision. Aang went around the world trying to rally against a violent end, but he was met adversely by people all over the world. Ozai was the face of death, suffering, and a century of war. He attempted genocide on the people of Ba Sing Se. There was no mercy– there was, however, celebration around the world. Aang’s petition was to no avail. 

Azula and Ty Lee requested presence at the execution, as did Mai’s family. Zuko granted it with extreme security, and it hurt him to know that Mai’s mother and little brother were going to watch that. It killed him that Ty Lee had to see it. It even hurt him that Azula was going to watch. He knew they loved Mai, and he cared for Ty Lee, Azula, and Mai’s mother and little brother. They’d always been kind to him. They had no beseeching made either. They understood that she had to die. That hurt too. It was easier to respond to hostility than humility, especially such painfully raw humility. 

The day finally arrived, and Zuko wanted this done at sunrise. He didn’t want to have to wait all day with his stomach in knots. Iroh was on one side of him, and Katara was on the other. Katara’s hand rested on his thigh, and his uncle held his hand. Zuko’s free hand held his face as he stared at the table. He swore his heart was racing in his chest faster than Mai’s or his father’s. His throat was practically swollen shut from holding in tears, and he couldn’t stop tapping his foot anxiously. He felt like he was going to throw up. The sounds of the crowds sounded blurred beneath his racing thoughts. 

All he could hear, to his dread, was Mai’s blood curtailing screams. She was begging– crying to her mother and Ty Lee to help her, and Zuko wanted to run out of the room until it was over. It was impossible to listen to. He could hear Mai’s mother weeping, and her little brother’s confused cries, and Mai’s father was hysterical. He was on his knees, begging, and despite his role in his assassination attempts and hate groups, Zuko hated to hear the man’s cries. 

“I can’t look, Katara. I can’t do it. I’m going to throw up,” he muttered back to her, swallowing thickly between his shallow breaths.

* * *

“You don’t have to. No one here will force you,” Katara reassured him, then threw a glance back to Iroh and her father. Hakoda had done so much for the Fire Nation while she was healing; he’d earned the respect and appreciation of the council on his own merit. And Iroh had the pull of being Zuko’s uncle, essentially the next in line should something happen to the current Fire Lord. 

The two men nodded in unison. Iroh would lead the proceedings— He already raised his hands and called for quiet from the crowd. Guards were signaled to subdue Mai’s father. Hakoda brought over a glass of water for both Zuko and Katara, while placing a comforting hand on Katara’s shoulder. 

“Neither of you has to watch,” he said. “You may have to be here, but I will not tell the council if you look away.” Katara glanced to the left where the Fire Nation’s advisors had gathered. They seemed more focused on the presence of Ozai and Mai, anyway. 

Katara nodded with her father’s reassurance and leaned into Zuko’s side. For all her bravado weeks ago, she knew this would be hard for him. It would be hard for her, too. She listened to Iroh read each prisoner’s charges, but her eyes fell to the cobblestones surrounding the gallows as Mai was led of the steps.

The crowd seemed far too silent. She could hear Mai’s mother crying, and even Mai’s sobs were noticeable, despite her hysterical pleas having died out. Iroh paused a moment, then lowered his voice somberly. 

“…for their crimes against the Fire Nation, Lord Ozai and Lady Mai are hereby sentenced to death— Please proceed, Executioner.”

Mai was pushed forward first. The hangman pulled a hood over her face and  looped the noose around her neck. Katara found herself praying the girl’s neck would break when she fell. Zuko didn’t need the torture of watching Mai slowly suffocate. 

The executioner stepped away and Katara closed her eyes. She heard the man crank the lever for the trap door. She heard the wood creak and spring open and Mai scream and the rope snap tight. 

The screams cut off so sharply it was eery. Katara blinked and lifted her head from Zuko’s shoulder. She felt sick and her hands were shaking, but she placed them over Zuko’s with a tense sigh. “It’s over… It was quick… just one more.” 

* * *

Zuko heard the lever crank, a scream, the snap of her neck like jumping on a pile of brittle sticks, stunned silence of the crowd, and then wailing from Mai’s family. Zuko felt guilty for causing her family such pain, despite its necessity, and it being Mai’s fault. He hated that he had to punish, by association and indirectly, her family. Zuko tensed as soon as he knew Mai was dead. He was still, holding his breath. It was hard to believe she was gone. It was eerie and uncomfortable. 

Katara held his trembling hands, and only when he looked up did he realize his face was coated in tears. He nodded at Katara fervently, pursing his lips. He couldn’t speak anymore, he glanced away and bit his hand nervously. Next up was his father. All at once, a million memories flooded back to him. They were faux good times. But, his head was playing tricks on him, and he grief overtook him. “My dad,” Zuko choked out, pinching the bridge of his nose as Iroh walked over to rub his back. That was his little brother, too. Iroh hated his brother for what he did to Zuko, and then the world, but still, his feelings were as ambivalent as Zuko’s. 

Ozai was brought up to the same gallows and he sneered devilishly up at where he knew Zuko sat. “You’ve come full circle, my son. You are exactly like me, now, killing your own kin, hurting them in a public display of humiliation never to come home again… This is the one time I’m proud of you. You’re doing something for once that makes you not a coward. I will see you, Zuko, even in death. You’ll always have me here,” Ozai shouted up at the panel, and Zuko really tensed then, his limbs trembling and he turned away, burying his head in the crook of Katara’s neck as he shook his head. 

“I don’t like this. I can’t do this. He’s right. He’s right, and he knows it. He always wins, and I… I can’t do it,” Zuko spoke, his shaking hands clutching Katara’s arms like a vice, and as the headman put that black sack ‘round the former king’s head, a loud cackle was heard, then muffled by the sack before the sound of that lever came, the crowd silenced, the snapping of his father’s neck halted his manic laughter, Azula then screamed, and the crowd went wild. 

Zuko didn’t move. He didn’t react. He was paralyzed in his girlfriend’s arms in disbelief, and only muttered in monotone. 

“My father is _dead_.”

 

* * *

“It’s okay… It’s going to be okay.” Katara wrapped her arms around him, trying not to vomit, trying to stay calm for him, even as shouts went up from the crowd. The plaza practically shook with the noise. 

The moment of peace they needed was stolen when her father grabbed her arm. “Katara, you need to go. Both of you need to get out of here and back inside.” He pulled at her, getting her and Zuko to their feet in a nervous scramble. 

“Come on. Go with them,” he said, pushing her towards a group of elite guards. “I’ll get the crowd under control and keep any Loyalists under watch,” Hakoda called, his words directed at Zuko. “The priority right now is keeping you safe from the riots. Go!” 

Katara tugged on him, having refused to let go of Zuko’s hand in the hectic frenzy. She met his worried eyes but didn’t let herself cry yet. Not yet. Not even when everything seemed so much worse than before, scarier and wilder. She’d cry in private. 

“Zuko…” She said his name more to steady herself than get his attention. The guards were ushering them back towards the depths of the palace while her father was swallowed amongst a blur of colors. Katara felt a pang of fear rush through her for _his_ safety, too. “Zuko… Agni, Zuko. I’m scared.” 

* * *

Zuko was startled by the sudden rush to get him on his feet, and out the door. He was barely processing anything when he was hustled along and forced out of the room frantically. Zuko was shaken by the sudden rush, but quickly forced himself into gear. He nodded, but followed Katara, almost lost, still in shock at all that was happening. Was there a riot? He heard cheers, but he was sure there were angry loyalists as well, ready to strike. They should have better anticipated this, especially with the recent events.

Zuko felt sick then, and horrified for Katara as he looked up at her when she called his name. She looked as scared as she. He ran to her, and grabbed her arms, “Me– Me too,” he agreed, trying to shake himself from the numbness. “Let’s go… We’ll go underground. We’ll get to the harbor, then we’ll get on the ships, and we’ll leave to Ember Island. Right now, let’s go to Ember Island, and get away from this chaos, and get you safe. I almost lost you once. I swear to you that it will not happen again, not even close. Let– Let’s _go_ , Kat.”

* * *

The guards wrangled them away from the plaza. The doors slammed shut, cutting off any last glimpses of her dad with Zuko’s generals and the sounds of the jeering crowd. She couldn’t tell if the shouts were in triumph and anger— and her dad was out there in it. 

“No… Zuko, no! My dad’s out there!” She wrestled away from him, but the guards surrounding her wouldn’t let her by.  _“Please!”_ She could’ve taken them all down. One swipe from her waterskin and they’d crumble, clutching their throats. But she didn’t need to add to the panic, even though she was panicking inside. 

Katara spun around, facing Zuko rather than the dark hall and the barricaded palace doors. “You can’t just make me leave! You can’t leave him!” She shouted, her voice ringing. “We aren’t going anywhere until my dad is safe. And Iroh, too! I’ll go underground and hide out until the riots are under control, but I’m not going to Ember Island without my dad. I’m not losing another parent, Zuko.” 

 

* * *

Zuko was in such a daze he’d almost forgotten until Katara spoke, and his heart leapt out of his chest. “Oh my God,” Zuko spoke, “Uncle and your dad… they’re– they’re back there,” Zuko mumbled, stopping dead in his tracks. Suddenly, images in his head were the same as what happened to Katara– happening to his uncle, or even Hakoda. 

“Oh my God… Uncle… I- I have to go get him, Kat,” Zuko stated, shaking his head. “I- I have to get your father, too, I’ll go get him, and- and you’ll all leave, and I- I’ll stay,” Zuko stated, nodding in resolve then. “I promise, I promise I’ll get your father and my uncle, and– and you’ll go to Ember Island,” Zuko promised, nodding firmly. 

“I can’t let riots go on with Uncle up there! He’s in line for the throne, Katara, they’ll want to kill him!” Zuko stated, swallowing thickly. “Uncle can’t die, Kat, he can’t… your dad, too– I- I’m going to get them,” Zuko promised, pulling her over to him, and kissing her, before darting off towards the door, which could only be unlocked with a special firebending insignia burnt inside. Zuko quickly unlocked it and slammed the door behind him.  
  


“I’m sorry, Kat,” Zuko choked out, “But, I can’t risk you getting hurt, not again. I can’t lose you. I cannot. I’m going to get them. Don’t worry. You’ll be safe here. I love you.”

* * *

The guards had to drag her from the palace’s open halls. Katara would’ve fought tooth and nail if she hadn’t known they were only trying to help. They were following Zuko’s orders— and now he was gone, too, along with her dad and Iroh and everything that kept her sane. 

Underground and alone, Katara tried to drive away all the haunting, imaginative thoughts of a life without him. Any positive notion was drowned out by memories of him catching lightning and crumpling to the ground and bleeding out right before her eyes.  

She was trembling and pacing and whispering to herself over and over that she couldn’t live if she had to bury him. The bunker’s door hissed, disturbing her thoughts, and Katara froze with all her attention focused on the widening seam. 

A flash of red appeared in it, complete with raven hair and a golden head piece. Katara choked on renewed tears and rushed to him. 

_“Zuko.”_ Her arms wrapped around him tight. Zuko lifted her off the ground in a tense hug and Katara pulled her face from his neck only to look him over and kiss him. “Does anything hurt? Are you alright?” Her feet touched the ground again and her eyes drifted over his shoulder. “Dad!”

Hakoda laughed when she slammed into his chest. “I guess I’m only second best, hm?” His burly arms swept her up, but even with his tight hold, she felt like she could finally breathe. A weight had lifted off of her. Her dad let her go and Katara saw Iroh next, with his usual jovial smile despite the day’s heavy events. 

For reasons she couldn’t guess, fresh sobs rose up her throat. Be it the relief or release of stress, Katara collapsed against Zuko, crying and smiling and shaking all at once. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, letting him hold her close. “God… thank you so much, Zuko. I- I love you. I _really_ love you.” 

 

* * *

 

Zuko found his uncle and Katara’s father quickly, and raced to bring them back to safety in the underground corridors. He felt much more relieved now that they were both safe, and Zuko exhaled deeply, rushing over to Katara who leapt into his arms, making him smile. “I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m fine,” Zuko said through a laugh, nuzzling her cheek as he smiled wider, watching her race to her father. “Everyone is fine.”

Zuko walked over to his uncle, and Iroh put his arm around his nephew’s shoulder until Katara came back over and he held her close, pressing a kiss to her head as he rubbed her back. “Hey, shhh, I love you too. Everything is all right. Everyone is safe now,” Zuko assured her. 

“That’s right!” Iroh exclaimed. “And, it’s going to be even better once you two get out of here, and to Ember Island!” Iroh added, putting his arms around both Katara and Zuko with a cheeky grin. “Perhaps you two could… hmm… I don’t know, have a nice time, just the two of you… Zuko knows there’s this lovely, lovely ring jeweler on Ember Island– you know, Katara, it is Fire Nation tradition for a man to propose to his love with a ring, but if some women would prefer a necklace, I’m sure that could also be fixed up there, hypothetically. The jeweler is a fine craftsman,” Iroh teased, making Zuko blushed brightly with a laugh. 

“Uncle, please, we’re just going on vacation!” Zuko laughed shaking his head. 

“Then you two kids should go,” Hakoda urged with a smile. “I have to be getting back to the South soon, but I reckon that I can stay with Iroh here while he watches over things and you two get back,” Hakoda spoke, smiling. 

“We will wait in here until it is safe. We knew that things would be rough after the execution, but it will simmer down. The society will disband- Mai was the leader, and Ozai is gone,” Iroh spoke. “I’m happy things will quiet… and… I’m thinking of opening a shop here in Caldera now… keeping the Jasmine Dragon as a summer seasonal shop for when it is far too hot here in the Fire Nation!” Iroh spoke, and Zuko’s life lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yes, yes, now go off! Off with you two!” Iroh spoke as the two men stood together, and Zuko and Katara looked at each other in happy disbelief, off to their escape in Ember Island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... that's the end of this section. Woot.


	59. These Promises We Keep, Part 1

Two years had flown by in the Fire Nation. With the dismantling of the New Ozai Society, things had really calmed down. There were less assassination attempts, more cooperation by the lower governments, more peace, and at that, Zuko was elated. The past two years had been a blessing, and he was happy, genuinely. Work was hard and tiring, but rewarding, and he made sure that he spent Sunday with Katara and his uncle. He tried for Saturday as well, but promised for Sunday. He made a point to keep his promises. 

The source of Zuko’s main joy, beside so many burdens taken from his shoulders, was that his uncle had moved permanently to open his teashop in Caldera. He kept the Jasmine Dragon, and went to the Earth Kingdom in the blazing summer. The rest of the year, Zuko had his uncle all to himself. It had made his life so much better. And, on top of that, most of all, he had Katara. Katara had been at his side for the past two years, acting as ambassador, and of course, his girlfriend. In Zuko’s opinion, they couldn’t have been happier. They were getting things done, had time together, and he was actually healthy for once, things were looking up. Things were wonderful, and Zuko, for the first time, loved his life. 

As per usual, Zuko was sitting at his desk, and Katara came waltzing in. She sashayed over to his desk with a facetious smile upon her face. Zuko sat down his papers and smirked up at her, ready to play along. But, instead, she unrolled a paper, and out fell dozens more. They were sloppy with smudged ink and some illegible, different, handwritings. They were letters of some sort. Zuko looked at her quizzically, she looked smug now and slightly irritated. 

“What’re all those, Kat?”

* * *

She held the stack of letters close to her chest for a long moment, playing into the game of guessing with a flirtatious smile. Finally, when Zuko seemed he couldn’t take it anymore, Katara stepped up to his desk, releasing the pile in a heap before him.   
  
“I’m a twenty-one year old woman, Fire Lord.” She glanced down, fingering the edge of a letter. Katara smirked and fanned it out with a handful of others. “I’m a twenty-one year old, desirable woman, with an education, political experience, and two good ovaries, Zuko… and I have more suitors than you can count.”   
  
The contents of the letters were obvious now: inquiries about her marital status, requests for an audience with her, informants that men had met with her father— who said it was entirely her decision, Tui and La bless him. Chief Hakoda’s rejection of any proposals for her hand didn’t mean the men stopped, however.   
  
“I get more every day,” she said, picking a letter up and skimming the neat script. “Oh! A young admiral in the Earth Kingdom… his father is hand to the king, mind you. He has the pull to put me in the office of my choosing, the push to make anyone in my way leave.” Katara tossed that plea aside, choosing another. “Hmm… Roran of the Northern Water Tribe… rich and handsome… a lovely combination, I can speak from experience on such things.”   
  
She lowered the letter to look over the top at Zuko, perching on the edge of his desk in that way she had. It drove him wild, and almost always ended in a trail of clothes from the massive mahogany piece to his velvet sofa. Even now, his eyes narrowed like he was interested, if not confused by the direction she hoped to go in this conversation.   
  
Katara leaned towards him, making herself clear. “I don’t think I have to spell it out for you, my darling, but I will. You are not the only man in this world with a military, treasury, and crown who’s talented with his tongue and cock.” She watched him flush red and she smiled like a tease.   
  
“Don’t think those worldly qualities keep me here, love… though, that masterpiece between your legs might go a long way, come to think of it.” Katara laughed, enjoying how flustered he was becoming. She quickly grew serious, again. “I want to marry you, Zuko. I don’t want these other men. They can’t offer me their heart, they can’t offer me their soul like you can. I only want you…”  
  
She gave him a soft smile, wanting her reassurances to sink in before her demeanor changed to playful griping. “But goddammit, Fire Lord, I am getting tired of waiting!”

* * *

Zuko’s mouth fell agape when all the letters fluttered to his desk and she explained what they were. It was not hard to understand why, and it wasn’t that he legitimately felt threatened, but jealousy hit him like a bullet, and he pouted in irritation with these men. Everyone knew that the world’s greatest water bender was a kept woman- to the fire lord. Everyone expected them to wed. Why did these men desperately keep mailing her? Zuko was left sulking over it.

“Believe me, I am well aware of how incredibly amazing you are,” Zuko stated with a smirk. He knew she was teasing, but he couldn’t help but feel increasingly jealous and a bit possessive. She listed off about these men and their attributes and he was sitting with a blank stare of irritation until she started talking about sex and he flushed red. He became even more envious, as she even alluded to the thought of having sex with them, and he shifted his jaw, then poured with a huff.

“Well… I- I’m the fire lord. None of them are actual world leaders, so,” Zuko retorted, about the only thing he felt bragging claims to, as he tapped his fingers on the desk, looking away. He knew she was only joking, but the fact so many men were after her made him almost primally possessive.

But, finally she forced his gaze and spoke seriously and he softened with a tender chuckle. He leaned up and kissed her, “I want to marry you too, Katara. I’ve known that for years,” he assured her. “I want to do things the right way to make things easiest for you. Twenty one is marriage age in the Fire Nation, and now you are… I just want to make sure everything is perfect,” he told her. “I love you. I want to give you the best wedding… the best proposal… I don’t want to just… throw something together in a rush. You deserve the best of the best,” he told her with a warm smile, brushing his nose against hers, feeling reassured, never doubting her, but irked by the amount of men.

“I promise it’ll be soon.”

* * *

“Well, I should hope so,” Katara winked at him, pretending to rifle through the letters for a specific suitor. She pulled from the middle of the stack, her eyes widening with mock surprise. “You really will have to sweep me up soon, Zuko. A girl like me won’t be on the market for a husband for long. There’s just so many eligible men out there…” 

She turned the parchment around, pointing at a small oil painting in the top corner. It showed a paunchy man, who might be as wide as he was tall, with red cheeks and beady eye. “Sir Xuo of the Phu Dynasty. He’s not a Fire Lord, or even an actual world leader or anything, but—” 

Katara pulled the letter away before Zuko could reach too much. “Oh would you look at that,” she exclaimed, barely suppressing a laugh. “He manages the entire sewage system in Ba Sing Se! Do _you_ manage the entire sewage system for the Fire Nation? Are you a Lord of Shit?” 

 

* * *

Zuko pouted at her teasing, rolling his eyes jealously. He huffed at the mere announcement of the man’s name, and scoffed at the picture of him, shaking his head. “He looks fantastic, glad to know men’s positions is of such importance to you,” Zuko grumbled sarcastically. 

He knew she was just teasing him, but it still managed to get under his skin, which is likely why she liked it so much. His resolve broke however when Katara announced just what Sir Xuo did. He broke out into laughter, leaning his head into his hand at his desk. 

“I feel like most of the time,” jested Zuko, looking up at her with a smirk. “The threat sounds imminent, you’re right,” he added, then smirked wider, mischievously. “I mean… there are a _few_ women seeking out the fire lord,” Zuko told her, going to his mail chute. The palace staff through his mail down there after it was screened for security. 

“It would be a good political compromise,” Zuko said with a shrug, throwing down a pile of letters. There was so much perfume on them, the whole room began to smell. Zuko rummaged through them, and tore open a seal. He had to get this new pack because he threw all of them in the fire when he got them. He didn’t tell Katara that for the sake of rousing her in retaliation. 

“Hmm… Lady Ri, Kuei’s niece,” Zuko spoke, he picked that one up because he recognized the official, Earth Kingdom seal. “A smart choice, and she goes to poetry sessions… lovely. You can have Sir Xuo, and me, I’ll take Ri. Sounds like a deal.”

* * *

Katara’s grin fell, stealing away her playful giddiness and replacing it with irritating jealousy. “Fine,” she scowled and tossed her letter down. “If we’re picking other people— Give me that letter from Roran back!”

She rummaged through the pile on Zuko’s desk, glaring at him, even though her head was telling her this was exactly how she’d wanted Zuko to feel. Envious. Irate. Sweaty. She hoped her cheeks weren’t red with anger when she found the letter she wanted. 

“The Water Tribes have been hoping to unite in a more… tangible manner. Gran-Gran and Pakku’s marriage did wonders, but they aren’t exactly making babies,” she grumbled, grimacing at the mental image. “And like I said, I have two good ovaries and as you know—” Katara unfurled the scroll, skimming its contents with all the dignity she could muster in her flustered state. “—my vagina is _great.”_

She detached a portrait from the letter, flicking it at Zuko’s chest so he could get an eyeful of the Water Tribe man vying for her affections. “He might not go to poetry, but I don’t either, so I guess we’ll be a perfect match,” Katara huffed. “I’ll make all the babies the tribes could want.”

* * *

Zuko shrugged with a smirk, then taking the letter of the Earth Kingdom woman, and setting it on fire. He laughed beneath his breath, and shook his head, walking over to her and pecking her lips.

“I’m just copying what you came in here and did, love,” quipped Zuko. “I’ve thrown them all on the fire,” he whispered, giving her side a squeeze.

“I won’t ask why you have all those,” he said teasingly. “I don’t see why you’re even mad. A man with a pile of gold isn’t going to go mad looking for a silver coin.”

* * *

“Don’t start with your silly idioms, Zuko. You’re not cute.” She turned her nose up at him, but Katara’s resistance only last for a handful of seconds. A smile tugged at her lips and she looked back at him. “Okay, maybe a _little_ cute, but I’m serious!” 

Katara scooped up the letters she’d dumped across his desk, “You have a month, Fire Lord. A month, and I’m really being generous here.” She winked, letting him know she was teasing. 

“I will be writing to Sir Xuo and Sir Roran,” she said, taking the bundle and walking back to the doors. A guard swung them open for her. “But, only to send my condolences… and hopefully, announce my engagement! Perhaps, if you so please, you could do the same to all your suitors…”

Katara left Zuko’s office, shouting back. “If you don’t, I have plenty of options!” 

* * *

“Not cute!?” Zuko feigned shock, then smirked, lidding his eyes towards her, “You certainly had a different opinion on the matter last night,” he quipped, stepping towards her and putting a hand on her waist before squeezing playfully and affectionately. “Though, perhaps ‘cute’ isn’t quite the right word,” the fire lord spoke with a laugh, his lopsided grin illuminating his face.

“A month it is,” agreed Zuko, pulling his girlfriend then into a tender embrace and exhaling deeply in relief enough to hold her close. He murmured that he loved her before pulling back with a gentle smile and warm eyes. “Being your husband will be the most honorable and cherished title and role I will _ever_ hold.”

He watched as she gathered her papers and he smiled, laughing as she gathered all the letters and he followed suit, dumping his into the fireplace with a smirk. He shook his head with a laugh as she exited into the corridor, and he sighed, falling back into his swivel chair, and he began contemplating what on earth he could do to begin to give Katara of the Southern Water Tribe even close to the proposal she deserved.

**////////////**

****He started by going to the North and getting the finest stone possible. Then, he was in the South, where he learned to carve. Luckily, Zuko had a intuitively artistic hand. His design came out well, despite his self-deprecating opinion. He insisted on a silver band being crafted by stonesman in Ba Sing Se. Iroh ordered for it as Zuko mailed him the measurements of the betrothal stone. The silver band would encase the betrothal stone as a bracelet. He wanted to keep her people’s tradition and respect it, but he knew that he could never ask her to take off her mother’s necklace. Zuko also had a ring made, in his people’s tradition. He had a ruby and a sapphire placed on the ring, and in the middle, a diamond in the shape of a heart. He last minute decided to have a band woven- a new one for her mother’s necklace, if she would like. He noticed hers was wearing.

One tradition Zuko wasn’t sure he should Keep was asking Hakoda for Katara’s hand. He couldn’t decide if she’d want him to for her dad and per tradition, or if she’s d scoff at the notion. He was marrying her- she was the only person who needed to be asked. The decision had nothing to do with Hakoda. Zuko decided that sounded more like Katara and opted out of asking Hakoda. The man mustn’t have had too much of a problem, however, because he saw him carving the stone, and Zuko visited with him and Sokka and Suki as well.

Zuko decided he would propose at his uncle’s teashop, the old one in Ba Sing Se, as it was the summer and Iroh went there during the hotter months. He now operated in the Fire Nation most of the year to be closer to Zuko following a series of attempts on his life. He worried for his nephew. But, Iroh wasn’t young, and the Fire Nation heat proved too intesne. Besides, he still loved Ba Sing Se, and it seemed the ideal compromise.

Zuko wanted to propose there. That spot- at sunset- the same way he told her he loved her the first time following the war.

He knew she would agree. She was the one who gave him a deadline. Still, nerves shook him. He wanted it to be as close to perfect as humanly possible. Katara deserves nothing less than the best.

He tried to keep some surprise to this, but she likely had an inkling as to what was going on. He smiled as she came out with a suitcase, and he walked up to take it from her. “Are you all set for Ba Sing Se, love?”


	60. These Promises We Keep, Part 2

“Umm… not really. I’m so behind on everything.” Katara dropped her suitcase to the floor unceremoniously, letting a huffy breath free. She had a dozen projects— no, _two_  dozen— clogging up her desk. It was all she could think about. That, and how many more would be there when she got back. 

“Zuko, do I have to go?” she pleaded again. She didn’t want a fight, but he’d been insisting on it every day now, not even letting a word in edge wise as to why she didn’t want to leave. “I’m stressed out of my fucking mind. Is it imperative that I’m there? King Keui doesn’t give a shit what I have to say. Honestly. And Iroh will see me in a few months, so I just don’t understand…” 

Katara’s shoulders lifted with a shrug. “Please. If you seriously need me, I’ll come with you, but I really, _really_ don’t want to go. And you’ll make me angrier if you force me… by pulling rank,” she grumbled at him, “or whatever it is Fire Lords do to make their girlfriends go places.”  

* * *

Zuko felt bad, but looked at her with a desperate, cheeky, guilty, pleading smile. “I- I know you’re busy, Kat,” Zuko mumbled, sighing, “But… I– I really, really would like you to come with me, please,” he asked her, setting down his bag and putting his hands on her shoulders. “It’ll be good for you to– to take a break,” he insisted. “You’ve been working so hard, darling.”

Zuko sighed deeply, “You know I’d never force you,” he told her, moving his hands down to her forearms as he rubbed there affectionately. “Nor _could_ I even be _capable_ of,” he said with a teasing, lopsided smile. “But, it would mean a lot to me if you came along with me… as your _boyfriend_ , not as the fire lord.”

“Please, Kat… I- I really need you with me. I promise I’ll help you with your work load. We can work on it on the ship… please?” 

* * *

She rolled her eyes, “Right… I’ve been working so hard and you’re dragging me onto a boat to do more work before arriving in Ba Sing Se for endless meetings and paperwork and… _fucking—”_ Katara rubbed her face with both hands, trying to massage the irritation out of her expression. 

It wasn’t entirely fair to be taking her unpreparedness out on him. She’d known about the Summit for weeks and could’ve passed a few projects around, but Katara had assumed Zuko would let her stay behind. She wasn’t the Fire Nation’s princess, or even the Ambassador anymore. 

Zuko’s look was pleading though, and she caved. _“Fine,”_ Katara growled, short and snappy. She grabbed her suitcase and marched by him. “But, you can kiss sex goodbye and don’t even ask me for any other _favors._ I’m pretty sure your right hand still functions just fine and I have too much work to do.” 

* * *

Zuko frowned, he really was not trying to upset her or stress her out. Actually, he was trying to do the exact opposite. He was trying to ask her to marry him. “I’ll help you, Kat, I—“ he began, but she interceded while glaring at him, and Zuko’s shoulders fell.

He smiled a little when she agreed, but the mood quickly soured further. He frowned deeply as she walked by with her swears of no sex. He sighed deeply, “that’s not why I—“ he began, but she was already far ahead in a huff. Zuko groaned. If she was furious at him the whole time- it was going to ruin all his plans. How was he going to convince her to have a nice dinner with him when she wanted to punch him?

Zuko ran his hand down his face with a frustrated groan before returning to the ship to set sail for Ba Sing Se.

* * *

It was only a two week trip to Ba Sing Se, but it felt like an eternity. 

All of it was her own doing, of course. In a bid to keep her part of miffed girlfriend up, Katara took to her own quarters, avoiding Zuko at every other time except for meals. She used the excuse of overwhelming projects. 

Katara  _was_ sending out hawks at the beginning of the trip, trying to get paperwork and sign-offs back to the Fire Nation before she was out of reach. However, the work wasn’t any more than she normally had, and back home, she always found time to crawl into bed late and kiss Zuko goodnight. 

She secluded herself though, even when the ship made its final approach into the Earth Kingdom’s harbor. They had a short train ride to the city, which Katara sat through silently. The moment they unloaded in the Upper Ring, she joined the servants near the cargo car and sorted through the trunks that went to the King’s palace and the others that went to their private apartment. 

There was no hiding from him there. The place was spacious and luxurious, but it still had only one bed, one bathroom, one sitting area. She couldn’t keep up the petty silence much longer, unless—

“You… probably have some preparations to make for the first meeting tomorrow,” Katara looked at Zuko, shrugging irritably. “I don’t want to be in your way, so I’ll go shopping. I can find your uncle a few things, and maybe a gift for the Earth King.” 

* * *

The two weeks were long. She was giving him the silent treatment, and at first he just rolled his eyes, but by the time a week had passed, and then up to two, he began to worry. Zuko wondered if something else was really wrong. Katara was awfully mad over coming along on the trip. She hadn’t spoken to him the entire journey, and he was beginning to worry. 

She still avoided him in the train, and he started to think if something bigger was happening, that he should ask her about before he popped the question. He’d die if she said no, especially after telling him before how eager she was to get married. 

Zuko shook his head, clearing himself of the thoughts and doubts. He was being ridiculous, he assured himself. She was just angry about tagging along. He was fretting over nothing, as he had a tendency to do– or so he convinced himself. This was _Katara_ , he would just talk to her.

They entered the fancy, royal, little apartment then, and Zuko turned to her, smiling softly when she decided to leave again, and his shoulders sagged. “Katara, wait, please,” Zuko spoke after she shrugged at him in vexation. He took her wrist gently, shaking his head in worry. “I know you’re upset I begged you to come with me, but if I’d have known you’d be this miserable, I… I wouldn’t have,” he stated, thinking about all his plans and how the mood had soured. He hoped that she’d even agree to come to his uncle’s for dinner. How was he going to propose if she was grouchily sitting there and only talking to Uncle Iroh? 

“I’m sorry, Katara,” Zuko pleaded. “Please talk to me,” he asked. “Is… is there something else going on, love? Did I upset you somehow– other than dragging you out here? Are you all right? …Are… are _we_ okay? I- I mean, I know you didn’t want to come, but it’s been two weeks, and… I– I just… I’m a little concerned.”

* * *

Katara hissed through her teeth when Zuko grabbed her. She didn’t want a fight, she really didn’t. Even without speaking, the two weeks at sea felt like a battle against him—

And maybe that was why she snapped finally, her steady silence breaking. “I’m frustrated,” she growled, yanking her arm away. “We’ve been together four years, Zuko. We’ve come to this Summit together for four years, and you know I hate the.. sexist views the world has on relationships, but we’re in the public eye!” 

She rubbed her wrist absently, a sigh puffing her cheeks and lips. Her eyes flicked over the floor as Katara tried (and failed) to quell her temper. There was too much boiling under the surface and she should’ve known better than to let it fester. 

“For years, Zuko.” Her tone grated like steel on stone. “It’s been four years and I’m still your live-in girlfriend. It’s starting to look bad! Inappropriate, even! And for the people who don’t necessarily _care_ about the implications of our living arrangements, it’s starting to look like there’s something wrong. With _me.”_

“Did you know there are whispers going around the palace that you’re never going to marry me?” Katara asked, her gaze searching his. “On the ship, too. Everyone talks about it: You’re getting the milk for free, so no need to buy the maid. Why would you even want _a maid_ from somewhere so barbaric and far away? Why not marry someone with noble blood, with Fire Nation blood?” 

“It’s just…” Katara gave him a frustrated breath, shaking her head. “Our relationship still hasn’t changed. It’s the same, and I don’t want to _force you_ to change it… and that’s basically what I did in your office a month ago… I’m just frustrated and sad, and maybe even angry. I don’t know.” 

She looked away as her eyes burned and her cheeks heated. “A part of me just wants to go home… _to the South Pole.”_

* * *

Zuko looked at her in worry as she yanked away from him. She spoke of horrid things people said, and Zuko swallowed thickly, getting angry as he heard them– not at her, but those who’d dare whisper such vile things about her. “Kat,” Zuko began, his heart aching, and racing with worry. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he told her now that he was here to propose, and had a huge plan with his uncle for a month, she might be relieved, but if he did, it’d be the most unromantic, horrible proposal ever, and she deserved so much better than that. 

Besides, it wasn’t the right time for that. She was angry at him. “Katara… I have wanted to marry you since I was eighteen-years-old. I was sure of it. I looked at you, and I knew you were the one. I didn’t want anyone else ever again, for the rest of my life,” he whispered. “In the Fire Nation, it’s inappropriate for anyone to marry, but… it’s very– extra frowned upon in royalty, and more strictly for women, to get married before age twenty-one. I didn’t want to ask you before then because I… I didn’t want anyone to talk, but it sounds like they’ve found another reason to do that anyway… and… I… I’m sorry,” he urged. 

But, it sounded like she was simply unhappy. The last thing he wanted was for Katara to be unhappy in her life. “You weren’t forcing me, Kat. I want to marry you. I _love_ you,” he assured her, but she sounded… miserable. He couldn’t make her _miserable_. 

When she said she wanted to go home– back to the South– he physically felt the ache hit his chest like an arrow. He inhaled sharply. He wanted to beg her not to leave him, but that’d be selfish. He wanted to plead, and promise her, and talk about how they both vowed to stay at each other’s side until nothing but death separated them. But, if she was miserable– he couldn’t. He didn’t want her here at the expense of her happiness. So Zuko put his hand to his head in distress, releasing his breath shakily as he tried to gather the right things to say without hurting her, and without making it sound like he would ever want her to go.

But, panic was still settled there. His mind was going crazy, telling him to be desperate. His heart was already breaking. He was scared of any reply he’d get. 

“Katara… clearly I’ve done something wrong that you feel that way,” Zuko told her, forcing himself to meet her gaze, and just praying she couldn’t see the heartache in it. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he whispered sincerely. “All I want is you to be happy… that’s all I’ve ever wanted… and if you’re not happy… because I’ve fallen short then… then, I’ve failed you… as your boyfriend, and… I’m sorry,” Zuko murmured, his voice choking with the pent up worry of her silence the past two weeks that had been vindicated with reason. 

“Of course… of course, even if I wanted, we all know I couldn’t stop you, but I would never even try, if that’s what you want, but… Katara… please,” Zuko murmured, shaking his head in worry as he pinched his eyes with his fingertips, then exhaled shakily to gather himself. “Can you give me the Summit? If… if you still want to leave, then of course, but… can I please have until the end of the Summit for you to decide?” Zuko asked her. 

“I never meant to hurt you. I want to be your husband, Katara, I really do. I really love you, Kat.” 

* * *

“You want to be, but you’re not. Not even promised to be.” Katara grumbled, rubbing her eyes with a weary sigh. She cursed under her breath, fighting tears. She didn’t know where it was going, their relationship or this conversation. It felt dangerous to her, like however it ended determined if they went on from here. 

She glanced around the room, wondering if this was the last time she’d be this close to him, whether happy or sad or furious. _La,_ was she furious. 

Katara couldn’t put her finger on the explicit cause, but it bubbled over, exploding again.“For fuck’s sake, you didn’t have to wait until I was twenty-one _to propose_ and I’m not even Fire Nation, Zuko, so what’s it matter?” she shouted. “I shouldn’t have to abide by your nation’s rules!”  

“Or is that it?” She hissed. “Is that the issue? That I’m not Fire Nation? Is it more than just your people who are worried about my ethnicity? _Is it you, too?”_

The second she said it, Katara wanted to take it back. Hurt was evident all over Zuko’s face. 

“I— I’m sorry. It’s—” She tried, stopped, let her mouth hang open for a second before closing it. Katara swallowed and crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, and sank down on the sofa with her bottom lip caught in her teeth. 

“I’m sorry. We’ve had a long trip.” Katara murmured. “I’m tired and my bones hurt from the ship’s beds. Maybe after a good night’s sleep, I’ll… I’ll give you the rest of the week. I’ll want to leave before the weather changes.” 

* * *

It felt like Katara had slapped him across the face. He didn’t have any words. “I’m sorry,” were all he could manage right now. He was blindsided. Two weeks ago, she was holding him in bed, beside him, bare, and they were laughing and kissing. On the way to the Summit, she refused to so much as look at him, and now she was saying she wanted to leave him. He was caught off guard, really, and caught his heart, stopping it, and his breath, ceasing it. 

He expected this trip to be a happy one. He was going to propose tomorrow tonight– his uncle had everything set up on the veranda for it. His uncle had gotten food and wine, and was giddy with excitement. Zuko wasn’t even sure if he should still ask tomorrow. She was threatening to leave him. That didn’t sound like a woman ready to commit to him. 

Panic began to build again when he thought of how close it was she was leaving him. It was hardly sinking in. He had felt so secure and safe in his relationship with her, he had stopped worrying about her leaving him. Perhaps that was the problem. Zuko’s stomach was a wreck of knots, and he knew he wouldn’t sleep a wink the rest of his time here. 

“Sleep will do us well,” Zuko agreed in a delay, clearly absentmindedly as his  eyes were far off in worry, and clouded. Zuko turned around then, running his hand over the back of the couch, and over the windowsill, and then the covers of the bed. She’d likely stay on the couch, he figured. He’d offer to go there if she didn’t want to be beside him, and she’d stubbornly lie down. 

Zuko sat on the bed, and looked out the window at the pretty sunset. It reminded him of that night so many years ago, when he told her he loved her, and she kissed him, and repeated it back. Things were simpler then, but he hadn’t thought they were so complicated now until… now. 

He remembered the night his mother disgraced him, and all but disowned him. He remembered feeling more broken than ever, and abandoned, and lost. He remembered Katara promising then to always stay beside him, and he returned the vow. She left when someone forged letters a few months after that. She almost left two years ago too, but that was for her safety, and he didn’t protect her. But this would be for his happiness, and like her protection, he hadn’t given her happiness with him either, apparently. He’d been so stupid he hadn’t even known. He thought she was as happy as he was. That was likely half the problem. 

He didn’t want to make her feel like a prisoner here. She spoke of wanting to go home, but before she used to say _he_ was her home. Now she wanted to get away from him. Zuko began ringing his hands, still fixated on the window. He remembered their teasing banter before they left for the Summit, and his heart dropped into his stomach. 

The suitors. Zuko would have bet his life on Katara have been teasing him. They went to bed that night, and laughed some more before tangling in sheets and peppering each other in kisses. But, without the teasing, it seemed to make sense. She gave him a month– and it was just a month now. Maybe her mental deadline had passed already, and she was going home to meet with one of the suitors she spoke of down there. 

Zuko chanced a glance at her, his heart feeling so heavy that breathing physically ached. He exhaled sharply, and tried to brush away his feelings because voicing them, when usually so simple to do with her, this time, meant facing the reality of what she had to say. He didn’t think he was ready to hear it. He’d rather keep guessing because then at least there was _hope_ a little while longer.

He stood up, giving her a gentle smile, “Are you hungry, Kat? I can get us some food and bring it back here if you’d like? Or if you want to grab something? I–”

* * *

“Yeah, I could eat,” Katara agreed, rubbing her face in an effort to look and feel more awake. Every bit of her was so tired— of the trip, of the silence and the fighting. She wanted a break, even just an hour where they acted like things were fine. 

She left the sofa to grab her cloak. “We could go to your uncle’s… I have a craving for his dumplings,” she suggested. “Or, somewhere closer, if you don’t want to walk. I don’t care, really, about the dumpling. I just thought you might want to see your uncle since it’s been a few months.” 

* * *

Zuko smiled genuinely then when she agreed, and suggested his uncle. He nodded along, throwing off his robes, and pulling out his crown and topknot. “Yes– Yes, I haven’t seen him in so long, I’m eager to see him,” agreed Zuko. He was going to do it tonight, he decided. Uncle could get the memo– he always did. He’d know when they showed up. It’d be more helter-skelter, but Zuko felt rushed. He felt like there was an hourglass now. 

“I just need to grab some gifts I picked up for Uncle,” Zuko spoke, a fib, it was her ring, the engagement bracelet, and the new band for her necklace. He bit his lip as he rummaged through his bag and took out the gift bag stashed with all he needed. Zuko let out a shaky breath. He was predictably nervous, but the level of anxious was far greater than he’d anticipated. Gone was the voice in the back of his head ensuring him she’d say yes. He genuinely had no idea now, and it made his stomach turn. 

He clutched his hand tight with the string handle in tow. He had to do this. He turned back to Katara with a hesitant, but warm smile, not knowing where she wanted to stand with him. “Okay, let’s go,” Zuko said gently, holding out the door for her to exit before following, locking it behind. 

They walked quietly through the cobblestoned streets of Ba Sing Se. Zuko’s hand was in his pocket, the other holding that precious bag tight. He kept chancing glances at her, but she never turned her gaze to him, and it pulled at his heart every time, and made him increase in worry. It all happened so fast. It was like waking up to a splash of cold water to the face, but it made him feel worse he didn’t even notice how unhappy she was. Worse yet, he was so blind, he thought she was happy. 

Zuko finally pushed open the door to his uncle’s teashop. It was 7 pm, so his uncle was closing up. It was perfect. In the summertime, the sun went down around 8:30 pm in the Earth Kingdom. It was sooner than in the Fire Nation, but perfect for his plan to propose at sunset. 

When Iroh saw him, his eyes went open wide and he looked at Zuko with a glimpse of panic. But, Iroh instantly softened, nodding at Zuko, silently ensuring him he’d handle things. He went to Zuko and embraced him, “Nephew!” Iroh exclaimed, squeezing Zuko tight. “I have missed you, Zuko!” Iroh spoke, patting his back before turning to Katara. “And, Katara, how I have missed you so as well!” Iroh spoke, hugging her just as tightly and patting her head. “I hope you two are very well! You look wonderful! I’m so glad you are both here! I hope you had a lovely journey! Let me set on some tea, make yourselves comfortable- you must be tired,” Iroh ensured, shoving them towards a cafe table as he set off to brew tea, winking at Zuko. 

Iroh went to the back, then to the veranda, and he set up the table. He lit a candle, and put Katara’s favorite goose dumplings on the stove. Iroh left them each a glass with a bottle of wine, and also a pot of tea and teacups, leaving them still sitting inside the teashop. Iroh finally came out, and flashed them a cheeky smile. 

“Alright! Come out to the veranda– the weather is lovely,” Iroh urged, gesturing towards them. Zuko stood up nervously, extending his hand warily. This was not how he envisioned it would go. They were supposed to be happy and laughing, not without being on speaking terms for two weeks, and with talks of leaving. Zuko bit his lip as he felt his heart sink and stomach tighten again, but he tried to remain optimistic– he had some hope. 

“It’ll be nice, Kat,” Zuko coaxed, glancing back at his uncle, maybe she’d do it for him. “ _Uncle_ set it up, please?”

* * *

“What is _it?”_ Katara squinted at the Fire Lord. 

The looks between Zuko and his uncle were almost unsettling. The older man was practically holding his breath while Zuko had a frightened expression tugging on his features. Katara had the vaguest idea that she’d been talked about, either through letters sent from the ship or before that. 

She frowned. “Does your uncle know I’m mad at you, too? Is that it?”  

Katara grumbled under her breath, then stood up and took Zuko’s hand, unwillingly, but she didn’t want to start a scene. He led her out to the patio, where Iroh had put together a candlelit dinner, complete with wine and flowers. 

She took it all in slowly, confusion settling in her tone. “What is going on, Zuko?” 

She turned to question him, her arms crossed and her throat tight with tears. Katara was beyond exhausted, if she stopped long enough to admit it to herself. Emotionally, Physically— the trip had worn her down and she was on the verge of crying. 

“Zuko, please, I just… can’t we just give you uncle his gift and take the food to go?” She blinked as her eyes burned. “I’m tired. I’m sorry, I’m just so tired and _down…_ and… I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but—” 

Katara caught a glimpse of Iroh in the tea shop’s patio doors. He was smiling at them, clearly proud of the effort he’d put into making their evening lovely. She quickly shook her head, dispelling the quiet conversation between her and Zuko.

“Iroh, thank you, I’m sorry, I’m just not feeling very well.” Katara gave the old man as good a smile as she could muster. “We have a gift for you though…” She took the gift bag from Zuko and gave it to his uncle. “Well, _Zuko_ has a gift for you, I was going to shop this evening, but we got in so late… I hope you’ll accept this as a present from both of us… for now at least. I’ll have time to find something special for you tomorrow.”  

* * *

“No, no, love, I didn’t tell him anything except we were visiting tomorrow, so he’s a little thrown off, that’s all,” Zuko assured her, watching her grow upset, and it tugged at his chest. He bared his teeth, almost flinching when she spoke of leaving. He kept glancing between the dinner table, his uncle, and Katara. Then, he slapped his forehead as she turned around to speak to Uncle Iroh. 

He bit his hand, “No, d- don’t–” Zuko began, reaching for her as she took the bag, then he pinched the bridge of his nose. Zuko shook his head. He’d fucked up– he’d fucked this all up so badly. He sighed in relief when at least she just handed it to Uncle. 

His uncle looked disappointed. He hadn’t a clue of the recent tension, and was excited to pop champagne and laugh with them cheerfully. Iroh eyed the bag, then his nephew– then looked at Katara. “Katara, I know you are tired, but it would make me very happy if you would simply stay for a cup of tea,” Iroh spoke, then handing Zuko the gift bag coyly, then clapping Zuko’s shoulder with a reaffirming squeeze, and he nodded. 

Zuko sighed deeply, almost as if he was exhaling all the burden he felt, just to have it cycle back on his shoulders. What was he supposed to do? Take it out? Propose right now? Zuko looked at his uncle worriedly, then down at the bag, then at his girlfriend. The thought of losing her made his heart plunge. But, this proposal would be so awful, and she deserved the best. Is this what she was going to have to remember for the rest of her life if she said yes? Fighting? Weird looks between his uncle and himself? A sad attempt gone horribly wrong? If she wasn’t going to say no, this in and of itself might be reason enough. 

“Katara, I don’t think this gift is quite for me,” Iroh spoke, giving his nephew a nudge with his elbow. 

Zuko groaned, taking a sharp breath. He looked at his uncle for a cry for help, and Iroh could sense something had happened. But nonetheless, Iroh gave his nephew another nudge, smiling at Katara with a wink. 

Zuko decided to propose with the bracelet, the one he’d carved the betrothal stone himself in the North weeks back, and had the silver framed for it in Ba Sing Se for the band. It was in a white, plush box. Zuko felt like he was going to throw up as he held it in his shaking hand inside the bag. He was far more nervous than he’d be if they hadn’t fought. 

Now, it felt like this was some moment of truth. She’d either say yes, and he’d have her forever, or she’d say no, and he’d lose her forever. Zuko looked up at Iroh, about to chicken out, but he breathed deeply, and Iroh stepped outside of the room. Zuko almost wanted him back in there for support, but knew why he left. 

Finally, Zuko dropped to one knee, warily, with shaking hands. He felt ill with anxiety, but he had to do this. It was now or never, and his uncle solidified it. If he didn’t propose now, she’d rip open the bag anyway. Zuko glanced behind her– at least there was still the sunset. That was the little lift he needed to speak. 

“Katara,” Zuko began, meeting her gaze. “I have loved you since I was seventeen-years-old, and I know that I’ll love you and only you the rest of my life,” Zuko told her, breathing thickly. “I– I… The past years with you have been hard, and wonderful, ups and downs, but… you’ve been there every step. There’s no one else I would rather by my side– for everything,” Zuko whispered sincerely as tears clouded his vision, his heart swarmed with love, and clenched with the fear of losing her as he thought of all he had, how wonderful she was. “You– You… Kat, you amaze me every day. You inspire me to be better… you’re smart, brave, kind, funny, loving, and beautiful– and more than I could hope for… You’re– You’re my best friend, my most trusted advisor, my sole confidant… my everything,” he choked out with a wavering voice. 

“I love you, Katara, and I know I… I’ve disappointed you recently, and for that… I’m sorry,” Zuko murmured. “But, you’re the only one I want for the rest of my life, and I promise I will love and cherish you until the day I die… if you’ll forgive me, and if you’ll give me the honor of being your husband,” Zuko spoke, biting his lip as he opened the little box, revealing the betrothal bracelet. 

“Katara, will you– will- will you marry me?”

* * *

Zuko’s intentions were slow to dawn on her. Katara watched the fumble between him and Iroh, prepared to turn Iroh down. She listened to him and Zuko whisper, then the gift was handed back and Iroh winked.

Her heart could be heard in her ears when Iroh slipped from the patio and Zuko dropped to his knee. “Oh, no.” Her breath stuttered; she felt faint. Katara put a hand on his shoulder, the other on her stomach to keep from keeling over. “Oh, Zuko.” 

The tears she’d been holding back finally welled up and over, spilling down her cheeks and leaving hot tracks. She’d nearly ruined this. She _had_ ruined this, with her pouting and fighting and stone-walling. _Agni,_ she’d said she wanted _to go home,_ and he was still here, down on one knee, asking her to—

“Zuko.” Katara dropped down in front of him, startling him as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. She buried her face in his hair, crying and sniffling and kissing whatever parts of him she could in between. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry… I- I was so—” 

She pulled back and cupped his cheeks, smiling despite her puffy, red eyes and complete inability to breathe. “I want to marry you. I’d _love_ to marry you. I really would.” 

* * *

Zuko was taken off guard when Katara enveloped him in her arms. He gasped before slowly wrapping his arms around her with a sigh of deep relief. He pulled her close then, choking out an ecstatic and warm laugh, his fingers clutching her clothes as he pinched his features to hold in tears, but to no avail. They overspilled in relief, and the release of pent-up fear, like a river.

His lip quivered and he looked at her with a bright smile when she pulled him back. Zuko smiled at her, brushing away her tears before pulling her over to him, and kissing her deeply. He brushed his nose against hers, leaning his forehead on hers, and laughing through more tears. “Agni, Kat,” Zuko said, chuckling again as tears slipped through. “You scared me,” he admitted. “I was terrified you were going to _leave me_ ,” he whispered, kissing her cheek. 

“But, you want to marry me? You… You want to be my wife?” he spoke, pulling to look at her again with warm eyes, vibrant with pure love. “Agni, Kat, I love you so much. I love you. I’m so happy. I’m so excited to marry you– I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t. I really, really just wanted to make sure we did things in the way the Fire Nation thinks is right, so it would go smoothly for you, so they’d leave you be,” he promised. “I always, always wanted to marry you… nothing will make me happier. I’m so happy,” Zuko said, laughing. “I love you so, so much,” he spoke again, hugging her tightly with a warm laugh before peppering her face in joyful kisses. 

He wiped his face as he pulled back, still smiling happily. He couldn’t believe he was going to get to marry Katara. Zuko stood up, and she followed suit. He took her wrist gently, and put the bracelet on with the stone, running his thumb over it before meeting her gaze tenderly with a palpable, soft affection. “I carved the pattern… your father helped me, and so did Pakku,” Zuko explained, “I… I hope you like it,” Zuko said with a laugh, then he fished through the bag, taking out the band and the ring. 

He bit his lip, and took out the ring with the ruby, sapphire, and heart-shaped diamond in the middle. “In the Fire Nation, men propose with rings,” he explained gently, and slid it on her ring finger on her left hand with her bracelet, “I didn’t want to exclude you from any of it,” he spoke, giving her hand a squeeze, “And, this is a band for your necklace, but only if you want,” he murmured. “I won’t be upset at all if you’d rather keep it as is. I just thought if you’d like it– it’s here,” Zuko explained, another tear sliding off his face that he brushed away. 

“I’m sorry this wasn’t perfect,” Zuko apologized. “I wanted it to be so nice… I wanted us to have dinner, and by the sunset… like after the war, here at Uncle’s, but I messed it up, and I’m sorry for that. But… I– I still hope… I hope you can look back on this and be happy,” Zuko said, wiping at his face, “I know I’ll be,” he said with a laugh, the relief evident on his face. He was so alleviated to know not only was he not losing her– he was going to have her forever.

Zuko smiled again, wide and lopsided and all but lunged himself at her with a chuckle. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, and lifted her off her feet, spinning her round-and-round with warm laughter. He’d daydreamed of this moment for years, and planned it out while spacing out through their youth. And, it was far from perfect, but here they were. Zuko set her down, but still held her close, his cheek nuzzled close to hers, before pulling back, his eyes warm and full of deep love. 

“I love you, Katara,” Zuko whispered before leaning in and kissing her.

* * *

“I love you, too, Zuko. I do,” Katara closed her eyes, her forehead against his. “I really do… and I- I’m sorry— for today, for _everything.”_

She kissed him, then his nose, then pulled back and looked at him, a soft, apologetic smile on her lips. “This didn’t have to be perfect, Zuko. The scenery and the surprise, I don’t care about that; I just wanted you. I _want_ you, forever… I was just… I was getting scared you didn’t.”

“But…” Katara ran her finger over the bracelet he’d carved and lifted her hand to study the ring. It caught the light, sparkling vibrantly. She smiled. “I was wrong, and for once, I don’t mind being wrong. You’re wonderful, and I love you so much.”

* * *

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Zuko whispered, laughing softly in her arms. “I’m so happy… I couldn’t be happier,” Zuko exclaimed, pecking her cheek as he wrapped his arm around her waist, wiping his face one last time, but the smile remained. 

“I hope you’re happy too, and I hope you like them– the ring and the bracelet. I know they aren’t perfect either,” Zuko said, giving her side a tender squeeze before moving his hand to the small of her back.  

“We should tell my uncle before he passes out,” Zuko teased. “He looked more nervous than I was,” Zuko joked, then taking her hand. “Come on, he’ll be so excited– and I’m sure the dumplings are ready now. I think I smell them.”


	61. These Promises We Keep, Part 3

“So, I know we just got home from the Summit yesterday, but I think we should start talking to wedding planners about… well, about our wedding.” Katara plopped into a chair in front of Zuko’s desk, leaning forward to pull down the top of the parchment he was reading. 

She smiled when his gold eyes met hers. “I know you’re busy. I am, too. But, we’ll only get busier… which is why I want someone else to plan it and why I want the wedding to be soon.” 

“I was thinking two or three months?” Katara shrugged as Zuko put his work down and focused on her. “We’ll want an engagement party, which I’ve already planned for two weeks from now… My dad’s set sail, and Sokka and Suki are coming, too.”

Katara looked at him slyly, her eyes playful. After his proposal, it’d been a happy week in Ba Sing Se. She was able to work through her projects while Zuko attended the Summit, then their engagement as announced at the week’s end, with King Kuei and the other Summit attendees offering their congratulations. 

Their journey home was leagues better than the trip to Ba Sing Se. She didn’t hide away in her own quarters. Zuko was more than happy about that. They drank tea and too much wine, spent an exorbitant about of time in the much softer bed that Zuko’s room boasted, and they were happy, again. 

Well, she was happy and tired, but Katara assumed she was fatigued from the trip and prayed under her breath that she wasn’t coming down with something. The Earth King had seen a bout of flu rage through his palace, but she mostly felt fine. 

The nurse had given her plenty of teas to ward off anything, and her fingers shook from the caffeine now. Or, it might’ve been her nerves. She was excited, and it showed all over her face, making Zuko grin, too— that little, lopsided grin that Katara loved. 

She laughed and stood, leaning over his desk to kiss him tenderly. “I promise you won’t have to worry about anything, okay? I know you have budget meetings and the tax committee’s gathering next week… I’ll take care of the wedding _and_ my regular duties.” 

“Just show up when I say,” Katara teased with a playful smirk. “Got it?” 

* * *

Zuko was working away on documents from the summit. There were endless treaties to sign, but Katara’s beautiful face was always a welcomed sight. He smiled when he saw her, meeting her gaze. “Hey, Kat,” whispered Zuko. “My beautiful, gorgeous _fiancée_ ,” Zuko boasted with a dorky smile. He would never tire of being able to call her that word. He felt like the luckiest man alive.

He was surprised she wanted to wed so soon, but not at all displeased. “That sounds lovely, Kat,” Zuko said with a tender smile, reaching for her hand. He loved her so much. He hoped she knew, and never doubted how deeply he loved her. He hoped he made her happy, made her feel safe, made her feel secure, and made her feel loved— he hoped he always would.

“I’m excited,” Zuko said with a chuckle. “It’ll be great to see your family… soon to be mine too,” Zuko said fondly. “This is all so exciting… I can’t believe it- we’re finally getting married, you’ll finally be mine,” Zuko spoke proudly and happily, his cheeks rosy with delight.

He couldn’t believe he was getting married, and to the love of his life. He still had to count his lucky stars to see how he got so lucky. What did he do to deserve Katara to be his wife?

When she leaned in, Zuko smiled warmly and returned her kiss, left smiling even more brightly when she pulled back. He didn’t want to let go, and he put his hand on her arm. “Oh, you shouldn’t have to do it all, my love,” Zuko replied. “It’s our wedding, and you’re just as caught up as I am,” Zuko explained. “If you want to plan it out yourself, I won’t stop You, but if you would like a hand, Kat, Spirits, it’s both our wedding so let me help!” Zuko said teasingly. “But, you won’t have to worry about me getting there. There’s never been a more important day in my life,” he teased back, but meant the sentiment with full seriousness.

He stroked her arm affectionately, down to her hand, and he felt her quiver. Zuko stood then, his face bunching in concern as he walked over to her. “Love, are you all right?” Zuko asked gently, holding her hand, “You look so tired,” whispered Zuko, raising his hand to gingerly cup her cheek, gently using his thumb to trace the circle under her eye. “You’ve been out like a light the past few nights, way before I even make it to bed, and you’re still tired,” Zuko spoke. “Now your hands are shaking, love,” he murmured with concern. “Are you feeling okay? I— I can finish up anything you’re working on today if you want to rest, Kat.”

* * *

“I think I’m getting sick, that’s all. Half of King Kuei’s staff was sick while we were there.” She smiled softly, holding Zuko’s palm to her cheek for a moment longer. “I can wait up for you, though, if that’ll make you happy. I’ll stay up tonight.” 

Katara let him go and sat down again, sighing. “More tea is all I need… and maybe some food to combat the jitters…” She looked down at her hands, then made fists in her lap. Maybe she was nervous, and not just for the wedding.

“Zuko,” she started, “do you remember the discussion— well, _the shouting match_ we had in Ba Sing Se? I told you some of the things that’d been said about me.” Katara glanced up, licking her lips. “Those people don’t shut up just because I’m engaged to now. I’m either a golddigger or a slut or I’ve somehow cast a spell on you. Gossip is fun, you know?” 

She caught his jaw tightening and held up a hand. “And, no… I can tell you’re about to march out there and shout. I don’t want that. I— I actually want to be more involved again, prove that I’m useful aside from a glorified secretary.”

“I left the job as the South’s ambassador two years ago because people said I earned favors for my people by sleeping with you. It turns out, they say silly things no matter what I’m doing,” Katara shrugged, almost smiling, but not quite. She’d be lying if she said the rumors weren’t sometimes hurtful. She’d simply decided to ignore everything from here on out. 

“If it’s not too late, I’d like to return to the ambassador position… and continue managing charitable projects for you, if that’s not too much.” 

* * *

Zuko walked around to the other side of her chair, giving her shoulders a squeeze as he began to massage them as he listened to her speak. “No, no, you can go right to bed, love, especially if you aren’t feeling that great. I was just worried,” Zuko assured her as he absentmindedly continued his ministrations. “I can get you some tea and a lunch,” Zuko spoke, tilting his head to lean down and look at her, when she spoke of the gossipers, though– his demeanor shifted and he moved in front of her in anger. 

“They can’t talk about you like that, Kat, they cannot,” Zuko stated firmly, clear fury in his eyes. “You are going to be fire lady, they can’t do that. They never could, but now they really better whip themselves into shape, or else I will do it for them,” snapped Zuko, but Katara quieted him, and he sat back down, but took her hands. 

“Kat, of course,” Zuko agreed, nodding eagerly. “If we’re being honest, and I kept quiet because I didn’t want you to feel any pressure, the relations all but crashed as soon as you left office. Nothing went negative, of course, but it wasn’t positive either– you had done so much. You’d set the bar too high, maybe, but I– and we- the council– would love to have you back,” Zuko assured her, giving her hands a squeeze. “And, you’ve helped the people so much. They love you, Katara. You’ve done so much, and made them so happy…”

He looked down in worry then before looking back up to meet her gaze with a more somber position. “Which… leads me to want to make sure that you’re happy, Kat. Are you happy here? In the Fire Nation? With me? Despite it all… all the talk… are… are you happy? Are you sure you… you want to build your life here? I– I want you to be _happy_ , Katara.”

* * *

“Of course I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be?” She looked at Zuko curiously, before it dawned on her that he was likely still bothered by the fight they’d had in Ba Sing Se. After the proposal, they’d all but forgotten it, caught up by the excitement and the dozens of well-wishers. 

Katara let a smile overtake her face. “Zuko, people are going to talk about me, about _us,_ regardless of what we do. We can try to keep them happy, but they never will be. All that matters is our happiness.” 

“And I am,” she told him truthfully. “I was in Ba Sing Se, too, deep down. I think the travel just wore me out and I was frustrated, thinking you didn’t want to marry me or weren’t ready, but that’s all it was. _Frustration._ ” 

She reached across Zuko’s desk and took his hand. “I like being here. I love it, actually, because I have you.” 

* * *

Zuko smiled warmly at her at her reply. “I know,” Zuko said with a light chuckle, squeezing her hands. “I know they talk– It’s one thing when it’s about me, but I’m still hardly used to hearing about you,” Zuko explained, “I was just worried, when you seemed so unhappy, and said you wanted to go home– I don’t want to marry you into a life of sadness,” teased Zuko, his thumb running over her hand. 

“I probably shouldn’t have held on so tight to the element of surprise,” Zuko admitted with a laugh. “That probably would’ve solved a lot,” he stated, “But, Kat… I could’ve married you when I was… nineteen. I knew I wanted to when I was eighteen,” he told her, “So please know that you are very, very, very much wanted,” whispered Zuko. “I’m sorry it took me forever,” he apologized, blushing at her next comment, and glad that the argument was behind them, and she was here– and she was his, for the rest of their lives. 

Zuko pulled her hand up, and kissed it, “I love you, Kat… I think things are going to work out just fine.”

* * *

“I know, love… I love you, too.” Katara smiled and moved around the desk to kiss Zuko on the lips, then she pulled away, squeezing his hand as she went. “I need to get the party invitations sent off, okay? And, I’ll do my best to wait up for you tonight.” 

She left Zuko’s office with a faint smile on her lips, and went through the rest of her day. The invitations were sent out by dinner, which Katara scarfed down with another cup of ginseng. She met with the tailor to start designs on her wedding dress, the chef to discuss the food, and the palace organizer to begin sorting out the schedule. 

It left her ragged, but Katara took a bath, rubbed oil in her skin until it was soft and smooth, and kept herself up with Love Amongst the Dragons, laying on her stomach in the middle of the bed she shared with Zuko.

When he came in, sometime close to midnight, Katara let the scroll curl in on itself and smirked. “You know, I’ve had enough tea to power one of your airships, but here I am. Told you I’d make it.” 

* * *

Zuko spent the day busying himself with more paperwork and preparation for various meetings and summits. He also looked into different ways they could have their wedding, and picked up a book on wedding traditions in the Southern Water Tribe. He wanted as much of her traditions present in the wedding as possible. If their wedding was in his country, they were going to abide by her customs, Zuko decided. 

Zuko was on page 282 of 450 in the Water Tribe book before he realized the time. He was yawning excessively, and decided to call it a day as he wearily trudged up the stairs. To his surprise, and delight, he found his fiancée perched on the bed with a book herself– Love Amongst the Dragons: Zuko’s all-time favorite. He smirked when he saw her reading in the low light. 

“Love, I told you you didn’t have to wait up,” Zuko spoke, walking by and kissing her forehead. He began to undress as he shook his head. “I hope you had a good day?” asked Zuko, glancing back at her as he threw on his pajamas, then lying back in the bed with a sigh. 

“At least my uncle left behind an endless supply of his blends, so you won’t have to worry about my mediocre cups,” teased Zuko through a yawn. “You’ve read that eight times, Kat, come on, get some rest.”

* * *

“Well, it gets better every time,” Katara laughed and laid down beside him, her head resting on Zuko’s chest. “I could probably quote half of it by now, which is why it’s so fun to read again and again. Plus, with all the fun, it’s easier to stay awake…” 

She pecked his sternum and settled down. Katara pulled his shirt up slightly, drawing absentminded shapes on his belly. “…And staying awake was worth it, I think.” 

“Besides, I like being up when you come to bed. I’m sorry I haven’t been lately. Whatever is that’s going around has me so—” A yawn cut her off, clearly making her point for her. Katara sighed deeply and apologized again. “Sorry. Spirits. You’d probably be better off staying far away from me until I’m well.” 

* * *

Zuko laughed, settling up beside her, and stroking her hair as she nestled against his chest. His eyes felt heavy and he flicked his wrist to out the oil lamps, and his eyes fluttered shut through a yawn. “It is my favorite book,” Zuko said groggily, kissing her forehead as she stroked his belly absentmindedly. 

“It’s all right, Kat,” Zuko assured her, rubbing her arm affectionately. “I should come to bed earlier is what I should do,” he replied. “And, I think I’d rather be sick than not see you,” he said teasingly, “A fate worse than death,” he spoke with jesting melodrama. 

“Now, get some rest, my love, or you’ll be sick forever.”


	62. These Promises We Keep, Part 4

The subsequent two weeks found Katara in the middle of plans for the wedding, with Zuko helping when he could and the palace in a hurried state of busyness. 

A part of her felt guilty for setting the date exactly two months after the engagement party, but most of her didn’t care. She’d been with Zuko for four years; she knew he was the one. Her family and friend supported them. The world was happy for them, as shown by the gifts that arrived day-by-day. There was no need to wait, not in her mind. 

And Zuko seemed excited, too. He’d helped her create their guest list, which was mostly made up of the people coming to the party that evening. She worked with him to address everything, then hurried off to the palace’s mail room, the hundreds of envelopes bundled in her arms. 

It wasn’t long after that palace guard found Katara, telling her that a Water Tribe ship had docked in the harbor. 

She smiled, her stomach swirling with nerves and excitement. Katara rushed by Zuko’s office, grabbing him and then grabbing a carriage. It took them down to the docks and Katara barrelled from it, straight into the waiting arms of her father. 

_“Dad!”_

Hakoda swept her up and spun her around, his deep, baritone laugh rumbling in his chest. When he set her down, his eyes were happy and tear-filled. 

“Congratulations, Katara. I’m so happy for you.” He smiled, cupping her cheek for a moment. His eyes flicked to Zuko, taking on a note of mischief. “It’s about time, Fire Lord. I had begun crafting acceptances to marriage proposals from our sister tribe.” 

“A lie, but he _was_ about to sail out here and do it for you. That would’ve been something to see.” Sokka appeared on the gangway, his signature smirk on his lips and Suki on his arm. 

Katara wrapped them both in a hug next, feeling tears gather on her lashes with overwhelming happiness. “Fortunately, _I_ made Zuko do it… you know, to save Dad a trip and all that.” 

* * *

Zuko was elated about the wedding. He had butterflies in his stomach again like he did when he was younger, and he was antsy, and anxious in a good way for the big day. He loved Katara’s family, and he was so happy to be seeing them once more. When Hakoda swept up his daughter, Zuko laughed happily. Nothing made him happier than seeing the pure joy on her face. 

Zuko laughed with Hakoda, reaching the point where he knew the man was teasing him. Zuko had gone to Hakoda himself for advice on the betrothal stone. Sokka had helped him with designs too, making sure they looked traditional and correct. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be glad to be seeing me now for the rest of your lives,” retorted Zuko teasingly, and smiling once more when Katara hugged Sokka and Suki. They turned to Zuko next, embracing him, and Zuko felt incredibly overjoyed to have them all around him, and warmed to know that they’d be his family in a matter of months. They already were, in every sense that mattered, but it made him feel at ease to know that it would be official. 

Zuko wrapped his arm around Katara’s shoulder, pecking her cheek. “I was not forced, I was just dragging my feet a bit,” retorted Zuko. “I’m thrilled to be marrying Katara, though I wouldn’t protest to a visit from Hakoda, forced or not,” joked Zuko, then nodding his head towards the door. 

“Come on, let’s all go in– get some food. I’m sure you’re all starving. I know I am, and I haven’t even been on a cold boat for weeks,” Zuko said with a laugh, turning with his fiancée, when Hakoda stopped them. 

“Wait!” Hakoda spoke, and they turned around curiously. “There’s one more,” Hakoda said, and Katara and Zuko looked at each other, confused. 

That was when a woman came out, donned in a more extravagant, blue dress, native to the North, known for its higher statuses of wealth. She had short auburn hair, the color of Suki’s, blue eyes, and a lighter complexion than Katara and her family, but darker than Zuko. She had dark, red lipstick, and wore a warm smile. She walked over with an apology on her face, and linked arms with Hakoda, cozying up to him, which the man happily returned. 

“Katara, Zuko, this is Malina, my girlfriend from the North,” Hakoda spoke, and Zuko smiled, extending his hand that she shook. 

“Fire Lord Zuko, it is such an honor. I am so astonished of all you’ve done and accomplished in your few years not only on the throne, but you’re so young,” she spoke. “I’m truly humbled to meet you,” she told him. 

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Zuko said with a shy laugh. “I’m just an idiot with a crown on my head,” teased Zuko, rubbing Katara’s back, but her happy demeanor had all but vanished. 

“And, Katara…” Manilla spoke, clasping her hand between both of hers. “I’m so, so happy to finally meet you. You’re amazing yourself… you’ve saved the Southern Tribe, really. You’ve done so much, and I’m working on building it up now alongside your dad. I’ve heard so, so much about you, so many lovely things, and I’m so amazed by all you’ve done. I envy you, I wish I had such talent,” Malina fawned. “You’ve got your father’s good looks for sure!” 

* * *

“I’ve been told I look like my mother.” Katara swallowed, tugging her hand free of the woman’s fawning grasp. She glanced sideways, catching Zuko’s look. It told her to play nice, but Katara was on the verge of vomiting. 

She grit her teeth, forcing decorum into her voice. “You’ll have to forgive me, Malani—” 

“Malina,” the woman corrected, still smiling, still holding Hakoda’s arm like she owned him.

Katara’s nostrils flared, “Of course. My apologies,” but she hid the spark of heat on her face by glancing at the wooden dock, finding her ability to smile. “I was saying, you’ll have to forgive me, _Malina,_ as I’ve heard nothing about you.” 

She looked back up, at her father this time, any and all humor gone from her eyes. Hakoda knew her glare was dangerous, as razor sharp as the jagged edges of shattered ice. Zuko might’ve sensed the tension, too. His fingers dug into the small of her back, almost pleading with her.

It wasn’t the time. It wasn’t the place. These were her guests and she was going to be Fire Lady— hiding her emotions was something Katara would have to master. 

But all she felt was betrayal, nothing else. The happiness was gone, the sheer joy she’d found in seeing her father again, after nearly a year. Katara’s thoughts filled with wishes for her mother and she bit down on her lip, trying not to cry.

Then, her mouth opened, something nasty and cruel on the tip of her tongue, something about the letter she’d received from her father just a week ago, saying that he missed Kya every day and how Katara was the spitting image of her, body and soul. 

Suki caught her eye though, intervened with a smile by taking Katara’s hand and tugging her towards the waiting carriage. “I think we should take up Zuko’s offer of food, hmm? I know I’m starving, and Sokka’s never one to skip a free meal.” 

* * *

Zuko knew instantly Katara would be upset by this. It was nothing like when he found out that his mother had a new husband. He was happy for her because his father was cruel. This was different, to Katara, her father had betrayed Kya. Zuko clutched her clothes on her back, praying she’d be civil at least. Zuko didn’t think it was fair to be angry at Hakoda either, but if anything he was more warranted of Katara’s anger than Malina was.

Zuko jumped on the opportunity to lead everyone inside to eat. He had a whole meal already cooked for everyone, and had to ask the servants to assemble another seat at the dining table.

Zuko sat beside his fiancée, and Sokka sat beside him with Suki, and across from them was Hakoda and his girlfriend. Malina sat directly across from Katara and Zuko already knew there was going to be problems.

He grabbed her hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

“I’m so excited! This is my first time in the Fire Nation and I get to dine with the Fire Lord himself in the palace!” Malina exclaimed. “Thank you so much for your generosity and hospitality, Fire Lord Zuko, and of course, the beautiful and lovely Fire Lady-to-be!” Malina said with a smile towards Katara.

She turned to her boyfriend, kissing his cheek, and holding his hand atop the table. “You were tight, sweetheart, she’s even prettier and lovelier in person.”

* * *

Katara choked on a mouthful of wine. “Sweetheart?” A scoffing laugh brought a cruel smile to her face, and she threw a sarcastic smirk at Zuko. “You don’t call me _sweetheart,_ and we’ve been together for what? Over four years?” 

Silence pervaded the table, awkward and thick. She watched Zuko’s jaw tense, like he wanted to say something, warn her off of the petty path she was on. Her smile turned to a glare, telling him not to. Katara felt beyond betrayed, and she knew Zuko understood. 

Still, he gripped her hand under the table, then let her fingers go and squeezed her thigh. She took another gulp of wine, looking at neither her father nor Malina, and tried to find the comfort needed in the warmth of Zuko’s palm. 

It worked, momentarily, until her father cleared his throat. “Malina and I have been dating for six months, actually, and while that’s not nearly as long as you and Lord Zuko, she does mean a great deal to me.“ 

“Really,” Katara snapped. She set her wine glass down, a touch too hard, but the alcohol had warmed her veins, stealing away what little control she had on her tongue. “Does she? Just last week you wrote me about mom, so I’m curious.“ 

“My mother was murdered, by the way. Did he tell you that?“ Katara's  gaze snapped to Malina. “She was cut down during a Fire Nation raid, by a soldier who thought he was killed the last waterbender. He had the wrong person, of course. He was looking for me, but that’s what mother’s do. They leave behind the men they love to save their children.“ 

* * *

Zuko looked at Katara with an unsure smile. Did she want him to call her sweetheart? He bit back the facetious comment, and just held her hand, praying things would calm as he squeezed her thigh. He hoped it would calm her. He knew she was upset.

“Katara,” spoke Zuko when she lashed out about Hakoda writing of his love of her mother. He gripped her leg. “Love…” muttered Zuko beneath his breath, trying, to which he knew was futile. She was angry about her mom- nothing could quell her then. Nothing.

Then Katara really snapped, and Zuko leaned into his hand, wishing to disappear. The words were so hurtful he could feel the sting himself. He could almost see Hakoda flinch and Malina’s eyes widened, but she kept her demeanor and Zuko his in his hand again.

Malina took a deep breath, “I know about your mother, Katara. I am so sorry for what happened to her. From what your father tells me, she was a beautiful, brave, selfless, loving woman. I know she is always loved and cherished by you, your father, your brother, and tribe, and for those reasons, I will cherish her and her memory too,” Malina explained gently.

“But Katara, I love your father,” she admitted warmly, holding Hakoda’s hand.

“And, I love Malina, Katara. Please be happy for us- as I am for you and Zuko,” Hakoda begged. “I do miss your mother, Katara, that won’t change. But, she would want me to move on and be happy. She would want this for me, Katara,” he persisted. “Please, trust me. I would never do anything I thought disgraced her. You know that, darling. Now please, this is your engagement dinner. Let’s have a good time. Please? Do it for Zuko.”

* * *

“ _For Zuko,_ ” she repeated, tone bitter and dry. Katara turned from her father to her fiancé. “For _you?_ Are you the boss of me now? Do you determine how I feel?”

Katara smirked cruelly, “Tell me then, Zuko, how I should feel.” She looked across him, at her brother, at Suki, tears welling up in her fierce blues. “I have family who’s been home for three months and never mentioned another woman. I have a father—” 

She glared over the table, jaw tense as she fought the pain of threatening tears, fists balled up in her lap. It was a miracle the room hadn’t frozen over and shattered, but maybe that was because all she felt in her chest was a burning ache and a boiling anger. 

“I have a father who not only neglected to tell me he’d moved on, but also failed to inform me that the woman he’s moved on with thinks she has the right to cherish his late wife’s _—_ _my mother’s—_ memory!”

Sokka’s silverware clattered, and his brow creased sternly, “That’s not fair, Katara. Dad’s allowed to—” 

“Don’t tell me what’s fair, Sokka! You could’ve told me, but you didn’t! _You didn’t!_ ” She shouted. “You’ve never had my back. I’ll always be that annoying little sister who made your life miserable by taking care of you when Dad was comatose because Mom died!” 

“Katara…” Her dad was warning her now, because Malina was on the verge of crying and the look that Sokka wore was pure regret.

“What?” Katara hissed through her nose, scowling at Hakoda.

The feeling in her stomach— a twisted mess of rage and nausea— made her think of Yon Rha, of the look on his face when he’d killed her mother and how that look was nowhere to be found with Katara standing over him. 

“What, Dad? Do you have some excuse? Some reasoning I’m not seeing? You betrayed Mom!” Katara stood up, knocking her chair back as she yanked her hand away from Zuko. “I’d say you’re as bad as Zuko’s father, but at least Ozai had the decency to admit he never loved his wife.” 

* * *

Zuko’s heart ached painfully at Katara’s harsh words to her family. He wanted to stop her before she regretted it later, but there was no quelling an angry Katara. When she ripped his hand away from hers, he looked downward, and thought of his mother at her words. His mother didn’t leave the man she loved to protect him- his mother left her children to be with the man she loved. His family was broken, and the reminder stung. Katara’s wasn’t fully intact either, as he was seeing it unravel in front of him.

But, she needed to just come to terms with this- talk to her father and brother. Katara stormed past Zuko as he offered her his hand in comfort, and she left the dining hall. Zuko sighed deeply, and everyone looked deeply distraught. Sokka And Suki wore heavy frowns, and Malina had quietly busted into tears. Hakoda was on the verge of them, and he held his girlfriend close. Zuko had never seen Hakoda so upset, but his daughter had just told him he never loved his late wife, which even Zuko knew wasn’t so. He could tell Hakoda loved Kya deeply.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” Malina said, wipingat her face as Hakoda stroked her hair.

“It’s not you, Malina. She’s just upset— she- she’ll come around… I’m sorry, feel free to keep eating. I- I have to excuse myself,” Zuko whispered, almost wincing at the scene left behind as he ran after his fiancée to their bedroom.

He knocked on the door, slowly coming in, to where he found her, clutching her mother’s necklace in her hand on the bed.

Zuko came up and sat beside her, and rubbed her back with a heavy sigh. “Love…” began Zuko, gently treading. “Do you want to talk about it?” He whispered. “You don’t have to, but Kat… I think you should talk to your family at least… you’re all really upset… and… I don’t know… I’m sorry.”

* * *

“Don’t, Zuko. Just…” Katara shifted away from him, pushing at his hands. “I don’t want to talk about it. I know you think you can make it right or make me feel alright if I would just open up to you, but I don’t want to. I don’t.”

She crossed her arms, sulking silently for a moment. Zuko waited patiently, ignoring her earlier protests and rubbing her back again. His fingertips were warm, slowly thawing her out.

Katara sighed wearily, “My dad lied to me, Zuko. He deliberately kept quiet about something because he knew I’d be upset… and that makes me even more upset.” 

“Did he think I wouldn’t make my feelings known?” she asked, agitation making her breath hiss through her teeth. “Did he think I’d hold my tongue just because we have an engagement party this evening?”

She huffed and laid back on the bed, kicking off her shoes and loosening the sash on her dress. “If it’s alright, I’d like to rest until then. I’m worn out… and queasy from all of this.” Katara pulled the blankets up to her chin and curled onto her side. “Send a servant or someone to wake me in an hour or so. I’ll need to get ready for tonight.” 

* * *

Zuko sighed when she pushed him away, shaking his head, but staying on the bed. He allowed a moment of silence to pass before he began to stroke her back again without question and tenderly. When she finally spoke, Zuko couldn’t say he disagreed there.

“Your father should have been open with you,” Zuko agreed. “But… I think you should be open with him, Kat, or it’s gonna keep feeling worse,” he whispered, “But, he shouldn’t be keeping things from you, and then expect you to be happy about it. I wouldn’t be happy either,” he admitted, thinking of how his own mother had kept her location from him while he worried, and kept her secret life from him too.

He knew Katara was upset too, that was where her anger stemmed from. She was hurt. Her father had hurt her by lying from omission, and she was hurt because she felt he’d replaced her mother. Regardless of the truth, that hurt. He didn’t know how he would feel. He knew he would never remarry if Katara, God forbid, passed. Unless he was childless, then he would have to take a political figure wife, but if they had kids, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. His uncle always said he couldn’t, either. His wife, Lilah, died, and his uncle said he couldn’t love another woman. He’d flirt innocently, but he couldn’t bear another serious relationship while he still held Aunt Lilah in his heart as strongly as the day she passed.

Zuko leaned over Katara and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, “I love you,” he whispered, rubbing her back as he sat up, and assured her he would wake her. He went back to entertain his guests then, but the mood had soured, and they all claimed to need rest. Zuko escorted them to their rooms, then fixed some Chamomile for Katara, along with a croissant and a glass of water. He brought it to her, sitting it on her nightstand as she was fast asleep— and brushing the hair from her face, and kissing her temple before leaving to get on his work.

As the hours ticked by, Zuko then returned to their bedroom to wake her, gently knocking on the door before entering. He sat beside her, and put a hand on her back affectionately before kissing her cheek, and whispering, “Time to get up, love. I hope you slept well.”

* * *

_“Mmm.”_ Katara rolled onto her back, stretching in the middle of the bed as she blinked awake. “Morning,” she mumbled, yawning. “Wait, no.” She sat up and looked around, hearing the sounds of music and chatter beginning to fill the palace. “Evening. _Good evening.”_

Katara rubbed her eyes, then looked Zuko over. He was already dressed for the party, wearing a handsome military-style uniform that clung to his shoulders and waist in the right ways. His hair was half up, half down, complete with the five-pronged crown. 

“I could’ve slept right through it all,” she remarked, remembering her father and Malina and the chaos over supper. “But, that wouldn’t be prudent of your future Fire Lady, now would it?” 

She gave him a tired smile before slipping into the washroom. Half her hair was flat from sleeping on it. Katara brushed the tangles out, then pinned her curls up in a traditional Fire Nation style. She completed the look with a silver, crescent moon hairpin that complimented the new band on her necklace and the bracelet around her wrist. 

Her face looked tired, so Katara smudged stain on her cheeks and lips, then brightened her face with kohl around her eyes. She looked leagues better after that, aside from the grimace she couldn’t shake. Katara hoped a glass of wine and the array of guests would wipe that away for her. 

She left the bathroom to rummage through her wardrobe, selecting a deep blue dress that showed off her collarbones. Katara stripped from her casual attire and stepped into the gown, looking over her shoulder at Zuko. 

“Do you like it?” she asked, trying again to smile. It reached her eyes this time, but not by much. “Will you button me up?” 

* * *

Zuko smiled at her as she got ready, giving her shoulder a squeeze as she passed by. Zuko sat on the edge of the bed, playing with an old locket on her bedside. It had a painting of her parents in it, and Zuko knew it had to have been an heirloom. She was missing her mother, and was worrying that her father didn’t, at least not anymore. Zuko sighed, but set the piece of jewelry down when his fiancée returned to the bedroom.

She looked breathtaking, and Zuko’s smile swept over his face. “You look beautiful,” whispered Zuko sincerely. Already he was feeling overwhelmed with disbelief that she was his, and how much he loved her. “I love it,” Zuko said, standing up to button the gown. “And, you,” he added with a smirk, kissing her cheek from behind before coming around to look at her with warm eyes.

Zuko took her hands in his, giving them a squeeze. “Are you okay? I want you to have a good time. It’s _our_ party. I hope _they_ don’t spoil it for you. Are you okay, love?”

* * *

“I’m okay,” Katara mumbled, looking down at her shoes. She took a deep breath, then wrapped her fingers around Zuko’s forearms, steadying herself. “I am okay… they won’t ruin anything. There are hundreds of other people here for us.” 

Katara licked her lips, pressing them together in a firm line. She flattened her hand on her stomach, fighting what had to nerves and worry. Zuko gave her a worried look, but she shook her hand. “Don’t fret, please.”

“We have a party,” she said, more upbeat. “Like you said. It’s _our_ party. We’ll have fun, we can dance and drink. Your uncle will be there, and I bet Aang made it with Toph and Haru. We’ve got a lot of people that love us… and I’ll make up with my family at some point, okay?” 

* * *

“Good,” Zuko said, pulling her into an embrace with a deep breath. He pecked her cheek and pulled back with a tender smile. “Look at you,” Zuko said proudly, “I think I’m the luckiest man who ever lived. Everyone in there is going to be jealous,” he teased, offering his arm. He smiled at her when she linked with his and lead them down to the ballroom. 

There was bustling music, scuffling people, laughter, the scent of hot food, and bright smiles galore. Zuko spotted Aang, Haru, Toph, and Suki by an open bar, and he pointed them out to Katara. “They’re here! Aang, Toph, and Haru,” Zuko spoke, waving Katara over. He was excited to see them, and pushed through the crowd to get there. 

Aang raced over to embrace them both, and then Haru hugged Katara while Toph punched Zuko’s forearm, and got them each a drink. 

“It’s about time, Sparky.”


	63. These Promises We Keep, Part 5

Having her friends there lightened Katara’s mood drastically. She danced with Aang for a while, letting Zuko catch up with Toph, Suki, and Ty Lee. After, Haru took her by the hand and brought her to the bar, where Katara caught her breath and downed a glass of wine, then another. 

Haru slid a cup of water towards her, “Maybe hydrate a little?” 

“Hah! Don’t you know Water Tribe women can hold their liquor?” she giggled, already dizzy.

“Clearly. Miss Glassy Eyes.” 

_“Mrs._ Glassy Eyes to you,” Katara’s smile broadened, but she took the water anyway, sipping on it as she spun in her chair, facing the hundreds of faces in the ballroom. 

She caught sight of Aang leading Toph in a dance. Then there were Sokka and Ty Lee, chattering as the moved around the floor. Zuko had Suki entertained, but he glanced in Katara’s direction, and a soft nudge broke up his dance, sending Suki Katara’s way. 

The waterbender crunched on an ice cube, sick to her stomach again, and twisted int eh stool to ask the bartender for another drink. It was too late. Suki had reached her and wrapped her arm around Katara’s waist. 

“Sokka won’t be mad forever, you know.” Suki smiled as Katara looked at her. “I bet he’s not even that mad now… if you wanted to dance with him.” 

Katara gulped down water. “Nope.”

“Come on,”  Suki nudged her. “Katara, he’s your brother. You can’t give him the silent treatment forever. You can’t give your dad the—” 

“Do you really want to do this now? _Right now?_ It’s my engagement party, Suki. Let me have fun, _Agni above.”_

She turned to glare at her sister-in-law, but was met with a knowing look. Katara grumbled, caving in. “I don’t want to dance with Sokka. I don’t want to speak to him, either. In fact, I’m not going to speak to Sokka until I have some explanation as to why he kept this secret from me.” 

Katara finished her water and set the glass down, waving for her third cup of wine.“Same goes for you.” 

“We were asked not to tell you, Katara, otherwise Sokka would have. He wanted to, but he wanted to respect Hakoda.”

“What?” Her cup paused halfway to her mouth. Katara slammed it back down. “My dad—” 

“Your dad wanted to be sure it was serious with Malina.” Suki put her hand on Katara’s arm, her eyes soft and understanding. It made Katara relax, if only marginally. “Your dad waited until he knew Malina was there _for him_ , not for his lofty title in the Water Tribe or… because of your position in the Fire Nation. And, he knew you’d be upset. He was trying to protect you.” 

“It doesn’t change the fact that he _surprised_ with some woman that I’m… what? Supposed to _love?”_

Suki smiled and shrugged. “I think your dad and Malina would be fine starting with a civil conversation. They’re on the opposite side of the dance floor.” Suki pointed across, then gestured at Zuko and Sokka talking in the middle. “Maybe you can say hi to your brother on the way.” 

* * *

Zuko loved catching up with his friends. It was nice to talk to them, and Toph was giving him another drink what seemed to be every fifteen minutes. He started rejecting them, but every time he looked at Katara she had a new one in her hand. He was happy she was having a good time, and not dwelling on her argument with her brother and father, but he didn’t want to see her stumbling. 

Zuko smiled though, laughing as he watched her dance with all their friends. She looked elated, and that made his heart bright, and a few drinks in, they were able to pull him onto the dance floor as well. Toph dragged him over first to a fast-paced tone, dancing along, and linking his arm with hers and spinning him ‘round-and-’round.

Suki pulled him over next, dancing slow, laughing. Then, his uncle came in, and he could hardly keep up with the old man– until Sokka stole him over, and Zuko was out of breath by the end of the tune. They were sitting together, eating shrimp and laughing when Sokka began to speak about Katara. 

“I wanted to tell her, Zuko,” Sokka informed him. 

“Why didn’t you then, Sokka? She’s really upset,” Zuko retorted. 

“My dad didn’t want me to, Zuko. He’s my dad. I’m not going to go behind his back and betray his trust,” Sokka spat back, then sighed, “Sorry. I don’t mean to get mad– not at you, it’s just Katara has a temper. I… I get why she’s mad, but… I’ve never seen my dad so happy that I can even remember. My father laughs all the time, he smiles all the time, he seems so… carefree… I’ve never, ever seen my father like this, and it’s all because of Malina. She’s good for him. She loves him… and he loves her… he loved my mom. He still loves her, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be happy and love Malina now… Mom… Mom has been gone thirteen years now, Zuko… it’s not like Dad just jumped on this…” Sokka explained. “I just want my dad to be happy. Katara just needs to see how happy he is. My mom would want him to be happy.”

“No, no, I understand that, I do, Sokka,” Zuko replied. “Katara does too, I think. I don’t know. She didn’t want to talk about it, but… going off what I know about my fiancée– she does. She’s just hurt… she loves your mother more than anyone, Sokka… I don’t need to tell you that- you know,” Zuko whispered. “She’ll come around, but… she needs to let it out, and… she will. She just… we’ve just got to let her be angry… she’s allowed to be angry, you know?” Zuko spoke, taking another sip of his wine. 

Hakoda came over to them then, holding a beer, and Malina on his arm. They sat at the table, and Zuko smiled. 

“Are you having a good night, Zuko?” asked Hakoda, clapping his shoulder. 

“I hope you two are having fun! I’m so happy for you both, really,” Malina commented. “I know Katara isn’t too keen on me, but I–” Malina stopped mid-sentence as Katara plopped down in the seat, and everything quieted, but Zuko took her hand. 

“Kat, I feel like I’ve hardly seen my fiancée all night– at our engagement party, no less!” Zuko teased with feign horror before he smirked and kissed her hand. “Are you having a good time?”

* * *

“I’ve heard the wedding will be worse,” Katara said, tugging Zuko’s hand so he’d lean in and kiss her lips. “The guests will keep us busy and chatting and dancing and drinking. Everyone says we’ll hardly see each other, not until the wedding night.” 

She smirked and took a sip of her wine, relaxing in her seat. The table was still silent. Her father stole glances her way, while Malina stared down at her lap. It was Suki’s prodding that brought her over here, but even Sokka had a sour look on his face, making Katara think Suki was wrong. 

She swallowed her mouthful of Zinfandel and stood up, albeit hesitantly. This didn’t seem like the place to have the conversation that was needed, with everyone stubbornly focused on anything but her. If they wanted to maintain a stalemate with silence, Katara wasn’t going to disrupt it. 

Katara looked at Zuko, then her gaze swept across the table at the rest of her family. “I- _um—_  I’m sorry… for bothering all of you.” She tapped the back her chair awkwardly. “I should get back to the— to the party, I guess.”

She spun on her heel and walked away, spotting Suki’s curious face among those around the bar. Katara ignored her, shouldered her way through the crowd and out into the empty hall. 

It was dark there, and cool. Katara paused outside the door for just a minute, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. 

“My Lady?” A servant startled her. 

Katara’s eyes snapped open. She didn’t know how long she’d been in the hall by then, but no one had come after her, so Katara assumed only a little time had passed. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, my Lady. You looked… my Lady, are you ill?” 

“No.” She did an inventory of herself, a palm on her cheeks, feeling for a temperature or clamminess. Her skin felt fine. She felt fine, aside from the knots in her stomach, but there was a reason for that.

Katara dropped her hand, giving over her half-empty wine glass with a tired sigh. “I’m just worn out… I’m really worn out. And a little upset. I might need fresh air, is all. But, um… why don’t you just tell the Fire Lord I’ve gone to the washroom if he comes looking for me? Please?” 

With the servant’s nod, Katara skirted from the hall into the East gardens. It used to be Ursa’s domain, and Zuko hadn’t been in this area since the disaster in Hira’a. Katara occasionally came though, whenever she wanted to be alone, and at that moment, she did. 

She weaved around overgrown bushes, around weeds and massive trees, her lips pressed into a tight line. She was dizzy and sick, but Katara couldn’t tell if it was the anxiety clawing at her throat or the wine. 

It may’ve been both. It hardly even mattered. 

Katara didn’t make it another step before she keeled over, vomiting the little dinner she had and the three glasses of wine into the grass. She straightened, wiped her mouth and blamed the alcohol until another bout had her gasping. 

She braced herself on her knees, breathing hard. “Ag-agni—” Katara tried to stand up, but the edges of her vision were fading to black. She grasped for a nearby tree, trying to catch herself. But, everything faded out. 

Katara landed in a small heap in the grass with a dull thud.

* * *

 

Zuko was left at the table, drinking, chatting, and laughing with his friends and uncle. They teased him, and handed him drinks, and pulled him up for more dancing and fun. Zuko was thoroughly enjoying himself, but kept glancing over his shoulder to see where Katara went off to. All of their friends were here– so where was she? Was she making small talk with other courtiers? Zuko was beginning to worry. It’d been over an hour now since he’d seen her, and even when he scanned the room, he couldn’t spot her in her dazzling blue gown. 

The crowds began to slowly wane out, and his friends were all sitting around the table, laughing as they were faded, at the stupidest things. Sokka was leaning his head on his shoulder, and Zuko was tapping the edge of an empty glass worriedly as he watched the grandfather clock. Where was his fiancée at this hour? 

Zuko decided to send people looking, but didn’t want to make it seem an emergency, or alarm the others. He was probably just being a worrywart, as usual. Every time he’d asked for hours now, they’d said she was in the washroom. She wasn’t there for three hours, he knew that much. 

“I want you to look for Lady Katara,” Zuko whispered to guard, but grabbed the man’s arm as he went off, “Quietly, I don’t want a scene, a panic, or ruckus. I don’t even want her family to know. It’s no big secret, I just don’t want a rouse of concern. I’m just getting very worried… thank you,” Zuko dismissed the man as the guard went to gather some more and they searched high and low for the ambassador. 

Zuko nervously made his way back to the table, and Hakoda asked why he looked down. Zuko dismissed it on tiredness, and told everyone Katara probably went to bed, but he’d checked their bedroom an hour ago. He hoped she was all right. 

Between another drink, a guard came up to Zuko, looking frazzled. He pulled Zuko aside, and Zuko anxiously followed. “What is it?” 

“Lady Katara was found unconscious in your mother’s garden, Lord Zuko,” the guard informed quietly. Zuko’s eyes widened in worry, and he dashed off, but stopped. 

“Is she in the infirmary? I hope– you better have taken her–”

“She is- the doctors are looking at her. Last we heard, she was stirring.”

Zuko nodded, and dashed off before even telling anyone where he was going. He paced the halls as his heart raced to the infirmary. It took him back to two years ago when Mai tried to kill him, and Katara took the blow. It took him back to the days that still had him waking up in a cold sweat screaming to this very day. It took him back to the weeks at her bedside with no sleep, wondering if she’d sleep permanently. Remembering that made Zuko’s hands shake and made him want to throw up. He tried to steady his breaths as he opened the door. 

He saw Katara there with weakly-open eyes. Zuko dashed to her side, and sat beside her, ignoring the physicians. “Katara!” exclaimed Zuko, tenderly taking her hand. Seeing her in a hospital bed like this made him panic. It brought back the horrid memories, and his eyes filled with worry. He couldn’t lose her. “My love, are you okay? How do you feel? What happened? Where did you go off to? Are you just drunk? How many drinks did you have? Did you feel lightheaded? Spirits, Kat, what happened?” Zuko asked in a worried frazzle. 

He turned to the physicians, “What happened to her? Is she okay? What’s going on? Tell me what’s wrong. She’s okay, right? She… she’s just a little drunk? She’ll sleep it off– plenty of water?” Zuko asked with hopeful thinking, and he turned back to Katara with pulled brows in distraught when Hakoda and Malina then came through the curtain, looking worried as well. 

“ _Katara_ ,” Hakoda whispered, joining Zuko at her bedside where Malina followed and sat beside him.

“Dear, how are you?” Malina asked.

* * *

“Fine.” Katara grimaced. Her head throbbed. Her body protested when she lifted a hand. “I’m fine.” Her fingers trailed across her face, feeling for a distinct source of pain. She didn’t remember getting hurt. “I just—” 

Two. Three. Four stitches. She counted them with her fingertips, following the gash on her forehead into her hairline. Did she fall?

Katara swallowed, concentrating hard to pull her own blood to the surface of her skin. She healed the cut in a minute, with no scar. The physician’s assistant plucked the stitches from her face hurriedly; Katara pushed the woman’s hands away when she finished. 

“I was…” Her head hurt worse now, from the effort of bending. ”I was in the gardens.” Katara breathed in deep, closing her eyes as her hand rested on her forehead. “I felt fine.” 

“You were found unconscious, my Lady.” The doctor’s deep voice was grating. It made Katara cringe. “Do you remember feeling faint? Passing out?” 

She huffed, forcing her eyes open, her attention to the doctor. “No. No, I just… wanted to walk. I wanted air,” Katara said. Her eyes flicked guilty to her dad and Malina. “Thank you for coming, by the way. Both of you.” 

* * *

Zuko outwardly gasped at the nasty wound, releasing the breath only when she healed it, but knew it still must ache. He held her hand tight, his own still shaking. He felt sick with worry. He knew— Zuko _knew_ he was overreacting, but he couldn’t stop. He felt in panic mode. Everything was too similar to those months in this very room when the same people looked him dead in the eye and told him the love of his life was going to die.

He gripped her hand tighter as he heard the doctor’s voice echoing those words in his memory. Zuko’s gaze was distant, and he swallowed thickly, trying to rationalize with himself. “ _Kat_ ,” Zuko spoke, a desperation in his inflection.

“Please… please talk to the doctor. Tell them what’s going on, please, my love?” Zuko begged her, his thumb caressing her hand. “They just want to help you,” Zuko said, embarrassed when his voice cracked. He shook his head. He hated this. He hated feeling so irrationally panicked. He hated the flashbacks. He almost hated aang, remembering his refusal to blood bend to help save her.

“What do you think, Doctor? Is she okay?”

* * *

Katara spoke up before the physician, her tone taking on notes of frustration. “Zuko, I’m fine. _I’m fine._ ” She looked at him sternly. She knew him well enough to recognize the panic in his voice, the fear in his eyes. It only took her a second. She wrestled her hand free of his and cupped his cheek.  
  
“Love. I fainted,” she urged him. “That’s all. This isn’t like last time. It’s not. I- I’m probably still recovering from the flu.”  
  
“The flu?” The physician piped up. “You had the flu, my Lady?”  
  
“Well, not me,” Katara explained. “It was running through the Earth King’s palace while Zuko and I were there. For the summit.” Her head tilted on the pillow, towards the Fire Lord. “I felt a little rundown during the trip, and since we’ve been back, I’ve only been more fatigued.”  
  
She pinched her brows together, looking at the doctor curiously. “That’s not a big deal, right? I’ve been so busy and stressed lately, that it’s just taken me a while to get over—“  
  
“The flu would’ve run its course by now,” the doctor said, contemplative.  
  
Katara watched as the stiff man made a few notes. He flipped around in his paperwork, reading old charts about her. His eyes never left the pages, but he addressed her curtly:  
  
“You’re sexually active, yes?”  
  
Blood rushed to her face. Her father, who’d been a quiet, comforting presence, coughed loudly. Katara spotted a smirk on Malina’s face, who glanced at Hakoda then rolled her eyes. It was a small moment of camaraderie, with Katara nearly laughing with Malina at how sensitive fathers could be, but it was enough to make her smile and look at the doctor.  
  
“You’re correct, sir,” She said. Then, “Dad, Zuko, you don’t have to stay for the interrogation…”  
  
Her father gave her hand a squeeze. “No, no, my daughter needs me, I’ll—“  
  
“When was your last cycle?” The doctor asked.  
  
Hakoda cleared his throat and stood with that. “Alright. I’ll be in the hall,” he said, shuffling from the room. Zuko went with him, either to keep the man company or because he was suddenly uncomfortable, too.

Katara snorted under her breath, glancing at Malina who’d resigned to stay at the bedside, then at the doctor. 

The man pursed his lips, “Your last cycle, my Lady?” 

“A week… _umm…”_  She wanted to say it was a week after they returned from Ba Sing Se. That’s when it should’ve happened, but she couldn’t remember now. The days blurred together, filled with wedding planning and preparations for the party.

Katara brought her hand to her mouth, brushing over her lips as her face scrunched as she fought for the memory. “We’re always careful,” she murmured. Her fingers were shaking now.  _“We’re careful.”_

“I’m sure you are, my Lady, but contraceptives are not always—” 

“Don’t say it!” She snapped. “I’m not pregnant. I’m not!”  

“My Lady…” The doctor sighed, long and slow.

Then, Malina took her hand.“Katara, dear, it wouldn’t be the end of—”

“Yes, it would!” She wrenched her hand away, eyes burning with tears as she glared at the ceiling. “It would be!” 

She’d always be _nothing._ She’d be the peasant girl from the South Pole that worked her way into the Fire Nation’s royal family by getting pregnant. She’d be the woman the Fire Lord married to just to cover up the scandal of it all. 

Katara blinked. She could feel Malina’s gaze on her, concern evident on the woman’s face. The trouble was, Katara couldn’t tell if it was real or fake, if Malina even cared or if this was some attempt to get into Katara’s good graces so her relationship with Hakoda would stay the same. 

She might’ve appreciated Malina’s presence minutes ago, when there wasn’t a reason for why she felt ill and the infirmary was bringing up frightening memories. But now, Katara wanted the woman gone. She wanted her friends… one in particular. 

Katara’s gaze flicked to Malina. “Will you… step into the hall and ask Zuko if Toph is still here? And make sure he knows I want to see Toph. _Just_ Toph.” 

* * *

Zuko looked at her, still worried as she snapped. “I’m sorry— I’m sorry,” Zuko whispered, only calming when her hand met his cheek. He put his hand over hers and met her gaze with his eyes wide and full of fear. She assured him that she was okay, and it assuaged him some, but he still would be concerned until someone gave him a reason for why she just— fainted.

Katara asked him and her father to leave, which left Zuko pacing outside the door as he bit on his hand anxiously. He hated it because he knew he must be upsetting Hakoda, but he couldn’t help it. Hakoda clapper Zuko’s shoulder, trying to calm him down with reassurances about his daughter’s strength. Zuko knew how strong she was, but even the strongest could get ill.

Before Zuko could protest, Malina came out. Hakoda took her hands, worry on his face.

“She’s okay,” Malina assured her boyfriend, “promise,” she murmured, pecking his cheek. “Zuko,” Malina turned her attention, “She wants to see Toph… just toph, alone,” Malina specified.

Zuko was hurt his bride-to-be didn’t want him, and specifically excluded him, but he respected her wishes and sighed. Zuko explained what happened to Toph, still drinking at the table with their friends— and by then, all of them were rushing over. Iroh stayed at Zuko’s side and they all waited outside the door, and Toph pushed through to Katara.

* * *

Toph slipped into the infirmary, and there was only a moment of silence before the earthbender sank into a chair and sighed, “Yes, yes… of course, I’ll be the godmother. Happy to be.” 

“What?” Katara asked, swallowing, praying. It had to be a joke. Toph knew she was upset; Malina had said there was a pregnancy scare. Now, her friend was pulling a prank. “Toph… _please.”_

“Please what?” Toph frowned, then something like realization spread across her face. Her eyes widened. “Oh. Oh, _shit._ You didn’t know, did you?”

“What? _What?!_ Toph. Spell it out. Please. I won’t believe it unless you—” 

“You’re pregnant, Sugar Queen. Sparky knocked you up. Planted his seed. Sowed his roots. Sperm meets egg—”

“I get it!” Katara snapped, unable to breathe. The tears that’d filled her eyes earlier spilled over and she covered her face with her hands. “Agni. Fuck. I’m not. I can’t be.”

“Well, clearly, you can. You’ve got two heartbeats, Sweet Cheeks. The same, usual, strong one you’ve always had, and this little, tiny… _flutter._ I felt it the second you came into the ballroom.” 

The earthbender leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms with nonchalance.

“I don’t get what you’re so distraught about. There’s no better guy out there to have a baby with. Zuko’s got dad material written all over him. He’ll be thrilled, Katara.” 

“He’s not going to find out,” Katara retorted. She threw off the white blanket and sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. “I’m not telling him.”

“What? Katara, he’ll be happy. He deserves to—”

“No. Toph, no.” She was firm, despite the shakiness of her legs as she slipped out of the infirmary bed and gathered her shoes. “Not until after the wedding. He can’t know until then. It’ll ruin everything.” 

“So, you’ll just lie to him? What exactly are you going to tell him, Katara? That it was dehydration?”

“That’s a good one, actually.” 

“Oh my god…” Toph scoffed and shook her head. “I guess you’ll have to keep your clothes on until the wedding, too. You’re already seven weeks along and you can’t be so naive as to think Zuko won’t start to notice.”

Katara paused, one shoe on and the other in her hand. “Seven weeks?” 

“Somewhere around there,” Toph shrugged. “That’s just a guess… the heartbeats are so similar this early, it’s hard to tell.” 

Katara bent over again, buckling her sandal around her ankle and thinking it all made sense. If she couldn’t remember her cycle after Ba Sing Se, that meant the last one was before… and she was pregnant on the trip. 

She put a hand over her belly, feeling for whatever flutter Toph was talking about, but her stomach was flat and nothing moved under her hand. Not _yet._  Katara sighed and straightened her dress. 

“Not a word of this,” she said, going to the infirmary door. She was already prepared to tell them she’d been dehydrated, tired… and maybe a little too drunk. “To anyone. Do you understand?”

“Yes, your highness,” Toph rolled her eyes. “Just hope Sparky’s not too mad when he _does_ find out.” 

* * *

Zuko was startled when he saw Katara come out the door. He stopped his pacing and fretting to go to her. “Katara,” whispered Zuko in shock, putting hands on her arms. “You should be resting, love,” Zuko spoke. “The doctor doesn’t even know what’s wrong yet,” urged Zuko worriedly. His stomach was in knots with worry.

“Come on, lay down- you should rest,” Zuko pleaded, looking back at Hakoda and Sokka for backup and they nodded. “Toph, please tell Katara she should rest,” Zuko implored and Toph smirked.

“Yeah, Sugar Queen, you should listen to Sparky. You’re going to need a lot of rest these days— double, if you will,” she said with a knowing grin. Toph didn’t get the big hullabaloo Katara was making, and Zuko was still in a frenzy.

“Will you please thoroughly examine my fiancée!” Zuko demanded, his hands shaky as he tried to lead Katara back to bed.

* * *

“Will _you please stop?!”_ Katara wrenched her wrists out of Zuko’s hold, scowling at him, then Toph, then the rest of her friends as they stared. “I’m fine. I fainted. It happens, especially when one is tired, drunk, and had too little to eat.” 

She took a deep breath and rubbed the spot Zuko’s hand had been. Her voice dropped low, just for him to hear. “You need to calm down, and you need to do it _now.”_

“I know my body better than any of those _doctors_ you have,” Katara hissed. “I can heal my body better than any of them. Toph says my heartbeat is strong _and normal,”_ she threw a pointed glare over Zuko’s shoulder, knowing the earthbender could hear her. 

“I had too much to drink, Zuko.” Katara looked at him again, trying to keep her tone steady and firm. “I’ve rested, had some water… now I’d like to go back to the party. Do you understand me?” 

* * *

Zuko let out a shaky breath, and punched the bridge of his nose. His hands then dropped at his sides, and he nodded in submission. “Sorry,” was all he could mutter. He knew he was overreacting. But, he couldn’t help it, all he could help was letting show. He bit down on his lip to keep in any other nagging he had on the tip of his tongue.

Last time she was in there, it had been months. That doctor told him she would die. He burned her skin. She bled everywhere. She didn’t open her eyes for weeks. And still, the doctor wouldn’t say why she fainted outside for an hour— she couldn’t have been that drunk. She wouldn’t be so back on her feet now. But, she was pissed, and he knew he was being dramatic, so he swallowed his anxiety, and leaned against the wall, folding his arms over his chest.

He huffed at her last comment, “You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child, Katara. I’m sorry I got up your ass, but I was worried. You don’t have to talk down to me,” grumbled Zuko.

He knew she wasn’t stupid, she wasn’t going to drink more, but if she was going to go out right after collapsing to the ground, he still felt inclined to say something, even if she would be irked by it. Zuko sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose once more as his eyes fluttered shut in an attempt to ease stress. “Please— just… just take it easy, okay? Please.”

* * *

“I will,” Katara said. “I’ll be fine.” 

She gave him a final look, then turned away, pacing down the hall towards the party. Most of it had died down, with her and Zuko absent for so long. But, the couple dozen that remained were rowdy with drink, dancing and shouting, playing games.

Katara grabbed a glass of water and found a spot at a table, watching the guests flit about. She was tired, but a smile still appeared on her lips, until her family and friends filtered into the hall, too. Katara frowned, wondering if Zuko was going to keep her from doing anything remotely fun for the rest of the night.

She tracked him from the doors to the bar. He was given a cup of some amber liquid and he took a long sip. When he turned around, he spotted her, looking like he was going to come over, but Malina appeared beside her.

The older woman took a seat. “Are you sure you’re alright, Katara?”

“I’m fine. I said I’m fine.” Katara glanced sideways, but quickly looked away. She didn’t want some snide remark bubbling up, not when Malina had been warm towards her, regardless of the outburst over supper. 

She was still hurting though, especially now. She had an engagement, a wedding, _a baby—_ and she had her mother’s replacement hanging around.

Katara put a hand on her belly, dropping it down to her lap when she caught Zuko’s gaze from across the room. She couldn’t do anything obvious, couldn’t say anything. She worried how angry Zuko would be when he found out in a few months.

“Sweetheart…” Malina touched her arm. Her eyes flicked down Katara’s front, but she didn’t say anything, even though she probably knew the truth, too. Instead, Malina’s face softened, and she smiled. “Katara, if you’re stressed, if you just need someone, your father and I can stay. We can do whatever you need to get ready for the wedding.”

“You’ll stay? For two months?” 

“We will,” Malina nodded. “You’ll only become more tired… You’ll want extra help, especially from people you can trust.” 

Katara licked her lips, silent for a moment. Then, “Do you understand why I can’t him?”

“I do, Katara. I really do. I had, and still have, a number of people who believe I’m only interested in your father for what he offers. I know what it’s like having to prove others wrong.” 

Katara smiled, a bit wearily, then nodded yes. “We’d be happy to have you.”

* * *

Zuko sat at a table with Sokka, Hakoda, Aang, and his uncle. Suki and Toph were chatting in a corner with glasses of champagne in their hands, waiting for Malina to get done talking to Katara so they could make their ways over. It was like a queue to speak to her– Zuko had tried to get up to get to her, too, but Malina had beaten them all to the punch. 

Despite Katara’s insistence, he was still worried for her. She’d been drunk before, but she didn’t collapse outside, alone, for hours. Zuko swished the ice around in his cup, still fretting over everything too much to enjoy much of anything else. He was upset about Katara yelling at him earlier, too. But, he tried to keep his outer attitude upbeat and relaxed. The very last thing he wanted was anyone fretting over him or feeling guilty for how _he_ felt. Everyone was wonderful– Katara, Hakoda, Uncle, his friends, all of them. He wanted them to be happy and have a good time, despite the incident with his fiancée. 

Zuko wondered what on Earth Malina had to say to Katara so long, and the look on Hakoda’s face showed he had the same curiosity. Zuko took another big gulp of his drink before grabbing yet another. The last thing he felt like was mulling in worry all night at his engagement party. So Zuko grabbed another drink, and sat down beside Sokka with an-only-half-forced-smile.


End file.
